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Getting to know people without getting the creeps


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This is not a “where can I meet people” thread! ☺️

 

I was thinking about attending a local munch. However there is a problem that I wonder if anyone else has run into.

I am straight, and a guy.  Diapers are sexual. So for me, diapered self is very hot,  diapered women are unbelievably hot, and diapered guys are blech.  Thinking of another guy in a diaper is kind of gross for me, no offense to my many diapered brothers out there!

has anyone had to reconcile the sexual aspect of this fetish with meeting like minded people, including a high percentage of males, in a way that is not ... just.. kind of feeling gross?

sorry if this offends anyone, I am totally supportive of straight, lgbtq, cis anything, and any other awesome fetishes out there! Just am curious to meet people but don’t want to feel weird about it.

oh, also happily married and not looking for anything relationshipish or sexual.

 

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Can't say that the sexual aspect has any reason for me to not meet others.

I haven't been to any munches or other activities, and I have yet to meet any ABDL in person.  I don't really have much of a desire to do so, either.  I prefer to contact people online such as here on DailyDiapers and other sites, where both the person I'm communicating with and me are as anonymous as we want to be.  I'm also married, and have no desire to meet other women, whether ABDL or not.  

I may change my mind in time and decide to do a meet and greet.  At this time, it just doesn't appeal to me. 

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You get to know a person first, weather he or she is a DL or not.  I traded emails with a DL member here for 2 or 3 years before we ever met in person, and then the meeting was to go out fishing in my boat one day.  I got to know him first, then we went fishing in my boats in the summers and lunch a few times every year.  We are both straight, he's married and we got no thrill out of seeing each other in diapers.  No thought of changing each other or roll play or anything.  When fishing we talked about hobbies, fishing, politics, world events, our families and all that.  He's just a regular normal guy like everyone else, he just has an interest in wearing diapers the same as some other person may have an interest in golf. Think of it this way.  You may have 2 people who talk about hobbies but if one is interested in golf and the other isn't, you either have to find something to talk about you both like or there isn't much you have in common.   People join clubs and organizations to meet other people who have the same interests so they can share and talk about them.  It makes sense that people who like wearing diapers would tend to get together to talk and shar their common interests, but that doesn't mean that's all they have to talk about.  When getting together with my DL friend, diapers were just one other part of it all.  We just enjoyed doing things you can't do with just any friend, which was fishing, talking and wearing diapers.  It doesn't have to be sexual or a turn on.  It's just a chance to get together for conversation and a good time with other people who, by chance, also happen to like wearing diapers.  You never know what kinks your regular friends are into when they are behind closed doors either!  As long as everyone is civil and on the same page and doesn't step out of line, it's no different than meeting any other people at a party or get together.  You just have to go into it with that frame of mind and make sure the others are aware of your viewpoint and respect it.  Even at a regular party you will meet some people you don't like, those with different religous or political views, those crude people who tell off color jokes or appear to be racists. It's the same when at an AB/DL party.  It's a crap shoot weather there will be people you like and people you don't like.  You never know until you go a few times.

 

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I would be very interested in meeting another ABDL like myself.  I have a ton of outdoor hobbies like fishing and indian relic collecting that would be fun to share with a like minded individual.  Honestly some of the people on this board sound like a great person to hang out with diapers aside.

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On 8/13/2018 at 11:00 AM, MarkSmith said:

I would be very interested in meeting another ABDL like myself.  I have a ton of outdoor hobbies like fishing and indian relic collecting that would be fun to share with a like minded individual.  Honestly some of the people on this board sound like a great person to hang out with diapers aside.

I think there are quite a few posters on this thread that I would enjoy meeting in person.   Especially the ones who my age, and share some similar experiences.

To emphasize what Rusty said, the one time I met up with an ABDL was awkward.  The only connection we shared was diapers, and at the time I was less comfortable with my desires than I am now.

I do have one friend who I used to work with, and his name appeared on a BBIF email, which I don't quite understand.   To be honest, i wouldn't be surprised if he was part of the community, but I never quite knew how to bring it up

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3 hours ago, spark said:

 

I think there are quite a few posters on this thread that I would enjoy meeting in person.   Especially the ones who my age, and share some similar experiences.

To emphasize what Rusty said, the one time I met up with an ABDL was awkward.  The only connection we shared was diapers, and at the time I was less comfortable with my desires than I am now.

I do have one friend who I used to work with, and his name appeared on a BBIF email, which I don't quite understand.   To be honest, i wouldn't be surprised if he was part of the community, but I never quite knew how to bring it up

For me I guess it would be more about not having to be so secretive about a simple diaper change.  If I was with an aquiantance or friend that was ABDL they would understand that eventually I will have to change my diaper and it would be no big deal.  I would not have to find some creative way to change discreetly like I normally have to do everyday.

My best friend knows I am diapered permanently and I am completely comfortable changing with him knowing what I am doing.  He is not judgemental at all and accepts his best friend as he is.  Just being out of the proverbial diaper closet with him is a godsend and he is not even ABDL.

I used to have a fascination about people knowing I wear diapers but with age has come diaper maturity.  Now I take care of my diaper changing business while trying to respect those around me.  I still would love to hang out with ABDL friends, particularly if they have not found their diaper wings so to speak.  So many of us are scared to even wear a diaper in public and I would love to actually SHOW others how easy it really is.  

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So, you want to goto an event and meet good people, and avoid creeps.

Well, as a woman who deals with meeting normal people and avoiding creeps all the time, from grocery shopping, to the dentist waiting room, I can give you some advice. The following is directed at events where meeting new people is the plan. (Everywhere else, headphones are magic, but don't have music playing through them because you need to maintain awareness.)

1.) Control the introduction.

This is key. You need to take the initiative and either set up the introduction, or introduce yourself. By setting up the introduction, I mean make yourself visible to the person you want to meet, make eye contact, and the such. In both situations, you choose where the introduction is made, so you can ensure a friend is near, the bartender is near, you are in a highly visible area, etc...

This means escape is easy if you need to, and you normally get to screen the person before the first hi.

2.) Screen. 

I don't mean pull your phone out and do a background check. I mean before you say hi, you watch them a bit, look at how they interact with others, watch how they touch people, etc... You can catch a lot of red flags that way.  This takes skill, because you can not just stare at a person, otherwise you raise the creep red flag. (Although girls can get away with it because guys just assume they are the fucking bees knees and think they have hypnotized you.) The easiest way to avoid looking the creep is to just be looking at others.

3.) Have a go to activity.

Be able to move to the dance floor quickly, or head off to the bathroom, make sure you have a friend next to you, so that if someone you don't want to approach or the creep flag is risen, you can deflect him/her by talk to your friend, or just getting out on the dance floor.

4.) Don't go looking for love, sex, or romance. 

Seriously. This is the biggest mistake you can make. This is like chum for the creeps. If you are not looking to put out, the creeps will give up and move on. The creep is looking for low hanging easy fruit, and the second they sense you are not going to just roll over and give it to them, they move on. 

4a.) Don't be overtly excited about diapers.

This applies more to your munch situation. Don't talk about diapers. Some of the creepist diaper people I have met (only online, I have only met one other diaper person IRL) are creepy because they get off from talking about diapers, especially about the one you are wearing. Deny them that. Talk about baseball, sailing, your proficiency at the shooting range (I group in a quarter at 100 meters with a Mosin-Nagant 1898 iron sights, and the same at 200 meters with my Remington 700 with a 4x Scope, plus I have several golden spurs from cowboy shoot matches, mostly in rifle on horseback, and fanning.) talk about video games, miniature gaming, dungeons and dragons, anything but diapers. The creep will move on to easier prey that is willing to give him or her what they want. Fap material for later.

5.) Have an escape plan.

Always, always, have a way out that does not involve you returning to your home, but going to another safe place. Whenever I go to an event or club, my phone gps, once I get to the event, is programmed to go to the nearest police station, this way if I feel threatened, I just get in car, push drive, and I am safe. You never want to go directly home if you feel unsafe, and I never ever go directly home after an event like clubbing, etc... I always go via a Denny's or something, stop at a store, etc... again, the creeps want easy prey, make it hard for them.

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On 8/20/2018 at 11:27 AM, GhostGirl said:

 

4a.) Don't be overtly excited about diapers.

This applies more to your munch situation. Don't talk about diapers. Some of the creepist diaper people I have met (only online, I have only met one other diaper person IRL) are creepy because they get off from talking about diapers, especially about the one you are wearing. Deny them that. Talk about baseball, sailing, your proficiency at the shooting range (I group in a quarter at 100 meters with a Mosin-Nagant 1898 iron sights, and the same at 200 meters with my Remington 700 with a 4x Scope, plus I have several golden spurs from cowboy shoot matches, mostly in rifle on horseback, and fanning.) talk about video games, miniature gaming, dungeons and dragons, anything but diapers. The creep will move on to easier prey that is willing to give him or her what they want. Fap material for later.

.

I agree and it's very much like I said in my own post.  I've been a DL for well over 50 years and I have been on other AB/DL websites years ago before finding Daily Diapers.  It used to be you would be on a website or enter a chat room and immediatly someone would send you a messages saying, "A/S/L".  For those not familiar, that means they want to know your Age, Sex and Location.  That was fairly common back then on those other websites and considered rude or inappropriate.  A few days ago I was on Diapermates, where I am also a member.  I have a very well filled out profile that clearly states I'm a guy who is a DL, my age which is a requirement and also my location.  Imagine after so many years of no one doing it, my logging in to find a privet message to me with only the letters, "A/S/L".  Did I respond?  I sure did.  I told the person it was very rude to send just A/S/L, and that he clearly had to be trolling because if he was serious he would have read my profile which clearly states my age, sex and location!  Yes, there are creeps like that still out there, but I didn't leave it at that.  I sent him what I consider a proper example of what to do and say when sending someone a message for the first time.  Introduce yourself a little bit, state what you are into and ask if they would want to chat a bit.  For example, "Hi!  I saw your profile and thought we might have a few things in common.  I also like (Same kind of music, sport, activity, books, whatever) and wondered if you wanted to chat a bit.  Like you, I'm also a DL as my profile states and I'm from (wherever)."  Start with that and see how it goes.  Getting a message from anyone that just says A/S/L is a definite turn off and will get you either ignored or a rebuke, especially when you didn't first take the time to even read my profile.  This same thing applies to meeting at a party.  You don't go up to people and say, "Age, Sex & Location?"  That's as bad as people in the 70's going up to someone and asking, "What's your sign?"  Yeah, people actually said that 50 years ago! 

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Rusty Pins is always so real with his responses.  I have talked with many people here and generally everyone is very respectful.  I have been weirded out a few times and that is not easily done.  Obviously I live a very fantasy- esque lifestyle and many people like to ask me very personal questions.  I am even okay with this assuming they do not act all weird.

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I think if you're actively trying to meet new people you are bound to find "creeps" regardless of what you do. This can be said for any scene you're in really, the fact that for a lot of people diapers are a sexual fetish only makes it more common, sex has a way of eclipsing people's commonsense. I think that dealing with less than appealing people is pretty much a part of life though, and the only thing you can do is either hull up in the safety of your home and live the rest of your days as a hermit, or learn how to deal with them to the best of your ability. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position there's nothing wrong with being a bit stand offish and disengaging, most people would get the message that you don't want to talk to them anymore, and though it might seem a little mean or unfair, what else can you do? Subtlety doesn't generally work on people who have left their commonsense at the door, so I think it's easier and more efficient to just rip the band-aid quickly than try to beat around the bush.

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19 minutes ago, foofybabykitten said:

I think if you're actively trying to meet new people you are bound to find "creeps" regardless of what you do. This can be said for any scene you're in really, the fact that for a lot of people diapers are a sexual fetish only makes it more common, sex has a way of eclipsing people's commonsense. I think that dealing with less than appealing people is pretty much a part of life though, and the only thing you can do is either hull up in the safety of your home and live the rest of your days as a hermit, or learn how to deal with them to the best of your ability. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position there's nothing wrong with being a bit stand offish and disengaging, most people would get the message that you don't want to talk to them anymore, and though it might seem a little mean or unfair, what else can you do? Subtlety doesn't generally work on people who have left their commonsense at the door, so I think it's easier and more efficient to just rip the band-aid quickly than try to beat around the bush.

This is why it is important to have an escape plan, because to people who feel entitled to your niceness, standing off or doing anything THEY perceive as mean can result in a dangerous situation for you. Sadly, in this world, society will of course blame you for being "mean" to them. Just have an escape plan, use it, and move on from that situation. 

I do struggle with this. It is not my job to make every random person happy, but it can be very dangerous for me not to smile at men, or to respond to their hellos. More than once, I was on a bus, and some dude said hi to me, despite me having headphones in and looking down at a book/phone/tablet, and when I did not respond, he ripped my headphones out of my ears and said "Bitch, I said hi, I bet no one ever wants to fuck you." (Or some variation of insult to demean, and then suggest that I live to have sex with men.) 

Creeps are everywhere, and their goal is to pleasure themselves in some way. A lot of them feel you owe them attention, just because they said hi to you. Body language and things like headphones do work most of the time, but the true creeps don't care. Always have an escape, always know somewhere else you can go other then your home if you have an encounter with one of these creeps.

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1 hour ago, GhostGirl said:

This is why it is important to have an escape plan, because to people who feel entitled to your niceness, standing off or doing anything THEY perceive as mean can result in a dangerous situation for you. Sadly, in this world, society will of course blame you for being "mean" to them. Just have an escape plan, use it, and move on from that situation. 

I do struggle with this. It is not my job to make every random person happy, but it can be very dangerous for me not to smile at men, or to respond to their hellos. More than once, I was on a bus, and some dude said hi to me, despite me having headphones in and looking down at a book/phone/tablet, and when I did not respond, he ripped my headphones out of my ears and said "Bitch, I said hi, I bet no one ever wants to fuck you." (Or some variation of insult to demean, and then suggest that I live to have sex with men.) 

Creeps are everywhere, and their goal is to pleasure themselves in some way. A lot of them feel you owe them attention, just because they said hi to you. Body language and things like headphones do work most of the time, but the true creeps don't care. Always have an escape, always know somewhere else you can go other then your home if you have an encounter with one of these creeps.

I can't say I haven't had similar experiences, but sometimes trying to be nice and make an excuse doesn't help you out of the situation either. Sometimes if you're nice to them they take that as you being interested, which leads to more problems when you inevitably reject them. Sometimes even if you make an excuse to get out they'll pester you wanting your number or wanting to tag along if your excuse is social in nature. At least when your standoffish they get the message even if you have to listen to some shitty drivel about how your "probably a slut" and "no one loves you." It's a real catch 22, if your nice they get angry at you for leading them on, and if your cold they get angry at you for being a bitch. It makes me feel bad for genuine people who have to actively try to prove they're not a creep when trying to meet and mingle, the few have really poisoned the pool for the many.

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48 minutes ago, foofybabykitten said:

I can't say I haven't had similar experiences, but sometimes trying to be nice and make an excuse doesn't help you out of the situation either. Sometimes if you're nice to them they take that as you being interested, which leads to more problems when you inevitably reject them. Sometimes even if you make an excuse to get out they'll pester you wanting your number or wanting to tag along if your excuse is social in nature. At least when your standoffish they get the message even if you have to listen to some shitty drivel about how your "probably a slut" and "no one loves you." It's a real catch 22, if your nice they get angry at you for leading them on, and if your cold they get angry at you for being a bitch. It makes me feel bad for genuine people who have to actively try to prove they're not a creep when trying to meet and mingle, the few have really poisoned the pool for the many.

Yep, and at the end of the day, it is always our fault too... we dressed like we wanted attention, or we were giving out signals, or we were where we shouldn't be, or why were we at a club if we did not want to get hit on? 

A friend I knew from when I lived in Cali met up with me recently and he noticed I had a pepper spray thing on my keys, and I had another in my purse. I also told him there is one in my glovebox in my car. He asked me why, and my response was, "Because I have used two of the three, that is why." I am glad they don't understand, because no one should have to live like many women live, but I also wish that they understood enough to stop this shit from happening. There was a discussion I was a part of recently where I was asked if I had interest in fetish munches or get togethers and I said no. When I explained why, people got angry at me that I would dare put my safety above participating in their activities, and thought I was accusing them of being creeps. The simple fact is, in the Vanilla world, the creeps abound, once you hit Fetish communities, they get more aggressive and emboldened, and more predatory because there are typically fewer women in those circles, even fewer who are straight (Fetish communities are one of the only ones I have seen where LGBTQ tends to have a higher than average representation in my own experiences) and of the remaining straight ones, a lot are already in monogamous relationships.

It is the same exact same reason I dramatically reduced my participation in Renaissance Faires. Unless I could drive to my home from the faire sight daily, I don't go anymore. 

Of course, men are not the only ones who perpetuate this crap. Women, especial rural white women, who do not experience these things routinely tend to jump on the "They asked for it option," as well as women who tend to be home bodies, and do not tend to go to the larger parties, or have been fortunate enough not to depend on public transportation a lot, etc... Then there are women who use this public treatment and twist it into a form of gas-lighting their boyfriends by actively showing how easy it would be for them to find someone else. I want to make it clear that women do contribute, but their contributions are often a result of the fact this shit exists anyways and that they believe if they shame the girls this happens to, it will deflect it from them, or that they can claim moral superiority over girls to deal with their own self-esteem issues which prevents them from saying they don't like some of the attention, etc... 

It all comes down to toxic masculinity which often times equates a mans ability to sleep with women, or to show their "manliness" by demeaning women, with being a true right man. And it feeds itself, each new act has to be bigger and more manly than the last. This is why you have the incel crap, the boys who shoot up schools because a girl was not nice to them, nor was she mean to them. Or the girls that get beaten by boyfriends because the boyfriend felt she showed him up.

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On 8/21/2018 at 3:53 PM, GhostGirl said:

Yep, and at the end of the day, it is always our fault too... we dressed like we wanted attention, or we were giving out signals, or we were where we shouldn't be, or why were we at a club if we did not want to get hit on? 

A friend I knew from when I lived in Cali met up with me recently and he noticed I had a pepper spray thing on my keys, and I had another in my purse. I also told him there is one in my glovebox in my car. He asked me why, and my response was, "Because I have used two of the three, that is why." I am glad they don't understand, because no one should have to live like many women live, but I also wish that they understood enough to stop this shit from happening. There was a discussion I was a part of recently where I was asked if I had interest in fetish munches or get togethers and I said no. When I explained why, people got angry at me that I would dare put my safety above participating in their activities, and thought I was accusing them of being creeps. The simple fact is, in the Vanilla world, the creeps abound, once you hit Fetish communities, they get more aggressive and emboldened, and more predatory because there are typically fewer women in those circles, even fewer who are straight (Fetish communities are one of the only ones I have seen where LGBTQ tends to have a higher than average representation in my own experiences) and of the remaining straight ones, a lot are already in monogamous relationships.

It is the same exact same reason I dramatically reduced my participation in Renaissance Faires. Unless I could drive to my home from the faire sight daily, I don't go anymore. 

Of course, men are not the only ones who perpetuate this crap. Women, especial rural white women, who do not experience these things routinely tend to jump on the "They asked for it option," as well as women who tend to be home bodies, and do not tend to go to the larger parties, or have been fortunate enough not to depend on public transportation a lot, etc... Then there are women who use this public treatment and twist it into a form of gas-lighting their boyfriends by actively showing how easy it would be for them to find someone else. I want to make it clear that women do contribute, but their contributions are often a result of the fact this shit exists anyways and that they believe if they shame the girls this happens to, it will deflect it from them, or that they can claim moral superiority over girls to deal with their own self-esteem issues which prevents them from saying they don't like some of the attention, etc... 

It all comes down to toxic masculinity which often times equates a mans ability to sleep with women, or to show their "manliness" by demeaning women, with being a true right man. And it feeds itself, each new act has to be bigger and more manly than the last. This is why you have the incel crap, the boys who shoot up schools because a girl was not nice to them, nor was she mean to them. Or the girls that get beaten by boyfriends because the boyfriend felt she showed him up.

Sounds like you have it all figured out.

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Understand this; none of us is the average bear: Know the things that totally confuse and disorient you, creep or gross you out, are uninteresting and stay away from those topics. You will naturally gravitate to like-minded. That is where a strong "about me" helps. You know going in what I wish to embrace and avoid by way of topics and what I am like "en petite fille" and there are some things I just do not want in my presence -- scat and paper diapers. I can tolerate discussion BDSM but not as part of ABLG, and LG's AS LG's pretty much always have a problem with Sissy on a number of levels (I have looked at several sissy sites)

Now, what could be an impediment to meeting persons is that, here, we are 85% of the time, our ABDL personae

I do not know what goes on at a "munch". I would imagine most of the discussion is off-topic, in which I would be happy to take part if the topic were of interest. Outside I am quite "vanilla". like any other subjec, I discuss ABLG only with the interested

Politics should be avoided. I have an additional thing. I am very on the Right (as one pundit put it in c1969, "The 'swing to the right' is a movement away from collectivism and statism, toward individualism and freedom") but in no way did I drink a single drop of the Trump kool-aid. He's been a known quantity for 35+ years

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It seems so easy to act appropriately and yet is something that some people utterly fail at.

I think it's more common online than in person but obviously you get problem people in both scenarios. I don't know how you can avoid certain things, toxic masculinity amongst certain parts of the population is very difficult to get rid of and often dismissed as "lad" culture or "boys will be boys." It is definitely not helped by a lot of the people in the public eye at the moment.

Equally problematic is dismissive attitudes towards women who have these concerns. There is clearly an issue with respect and it's why a lot of guys come to places online or in real life and then complain that no women are around. It isn't fun to be hit on all the time, it isn't fun to receive unsolicited pictures from people twice your age and it isn't fun to be looked at in that way.

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13 hours ago, GhostGirl said:

It is a typical response. I hear it all the time, I just ignore it and move on.

I believe you and I would probably do the same if I were you.

In talking with my wife and many female friends, I've come to understand and believe that men have a responsibility to call out other men on stuff like this. Our silence in the face of inappropriate behavior is part of the problem. It isn't always easy, but I committed to doing what I can to help. My wife, sister, mother and female friends deserve no less. 

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I've learned to meet people through friends (always have an extrovert in your friends circle :) ) and let them act as the creep filters. The one abdl couple I know irl I met through my bestie after I came out to her and lamented that I had no one locally to share it with.

When it comes to public spaces I don't f*** around. I work in uniformed public safety so people are generally respectful to me when I'm in uniform at work. On my own time, when I'm at a club or other social event (I do a lot of anime conventions) a cold shoulder or a hard scowl is usually enough to put the creeps off. If they persist I very firmly and directly tell them to f*** off. And, when it inevitably happens, if they make threats or persist beyond that I introduce them to my personal protection, details withheld.

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