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From a philosophical stance, I agree with the OP. Yeah, life is kinda pointless. A repetitive cycle of work, paying bills, and frustration. There's no real reason in my opinion to go by day to day aside from just doing it. For the vast majority of us, we live pretty forgettable lives and won't be remembered a few generations after we die.

That being said, it's all we got. You don't need a reason for the pointless existence we live in because regardless, you're living it. I exist, therefore I am. You've pointed out that people do try and excel at various things, so you can too. And I get the frustration, I do. I have a pointless degree that has done nothing for me, but shit, even having a degree is something you did right.

Final thought: You already said you aren't going to end things, so living in a constant state of self-loathing achieves zip, aside from bumming you out. Mind as well keep trying to make things better. You never know where an opportunity might lie.

 

My purpose is my child. I can't give up he needs me. That doesn't mean life is any less pointless, but I have my reason to continue it.

 

I doubt this will help, but I can honestly relate to you and your admittedly nihilistic outlook. That doesn't mean giving up is the way to go. I hope things get better for you, and I honestly think they will. Just gotta keep on keeping on.

 

 

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On ‎8‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 9:31 PM, vampire4 said:

My purpose is my child. I can't give up he needs me. That doesn't mean life is any less pointless, but I have my reason to continue it.

Then that's where we differ. I don't have a life that depends on me for survival. If anything, I'm more of a parasite to those around me.

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I'm hoping you just posted this to get reactions out of people because if not I seriously feel sorry for you I also have a very hard time believing that you are a total screwup when you can argue so well you might want to try being a lawyer or other professional argueer or debate host 

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1 hour ago, runtashea said:

Then that's where we differ. I don't have a life that depends on me for survival. If anything, I'm more of a parasite to those around me.

You see yourself as a parasite. That's how you view yourself. I get that too in a way. everytime I've been bailed out by family, I've felt that way. Nothing I say will make you feel differently, so I'll simply say this.

Having known a few people who have ended their own lives, I can honestly tell you that they had far more of an impact than they knew. You might not believe it, but I'm willing to bet there are a lot of people who love or count on you. 

Good luck, amigo. Personally, i bet things will get better with time. 

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what Life has taught me. 

1. There is no instruction manual for Life Unless you are a religious person then there is the Bible.

2. Nobody else can help you improve your life but YOU! YOU, must WANT to improve your life yourself. 

3. Life is what you make it! You can choose to live happy, you could choose to live miserable, or, work at a DMV office. 

4. I myself had felt like I had no purpose in life and had no Idea what I was going to do with my life, but surprise surprise, I like helping people is what I like doing. You are good at something, you just have NOT found it just yet ;).

5. If you told me 5 years ago that I was gonna sober up and get not 1 but hold down 2 jobs I would have looked you in the eyes and told you that you were nuts!

6. When an unexpected change happens and it seems bad, it happened for a reason. 

7. Expect the Unexpected. 

 

If you still feel like ending it, please take in consideration that if you do, it will have a HUGE Impact on the people who love you. (Us here, and your family) There is so much to life, its a big learning experience.  

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Everyone has a talent, the trick is in finding it. I knew a parapelegic whose income was derived by arranging criminal deals. Of course he needed outside help to dial the phone and collect his percentage but that can be bought. His knowledge of who had what, and who was seeking what, and who did what was his talent, along with keeping all their phone numbers in his head. If. You wanted anything, he could source it at the best prices. Same for selling whatever you had, or for getting a job done. The law could do little with him because the only records of anything were in his head where nobody could touch them. He moved frequently with everything always under some friend's name so he wasn't easily tracked. So even those who can do nothing but speak and hear can find a way to have something of a life and something to look forward to every day to help them keep going. Not that I'm recommending criminal activities, the point I'm trying to make is that even with almost no options available you can still find your way through things if you try hard enough. 

I have no talents in speaking, but I'm a decent technical writer who gets deep into whatever interests me. On another forum, my posts on one such interest got me recognized by a product seller who offered me free items if I'd do a public review on them there and help them with researching actual consumer use and product development. Once I got started with that, other sellers wanted my services too. Wow, getting free stuff is fun! And many others have done similarly. I decided that it wasn't really my game, but looking around I see lots of people making income doing YouTube channels and product reviews and all you need is your phone and an internet connection to get started. In about 8 years, one of my fave YT guys went from stocking store shelves at night to owning a lot of land with a very nice house and shop on it. He found his talent where he never expected to and it has made him fairly wealthy and happy too. 

As a kid, one neighbor of mine loved to fish. He turned that into doing a local radio show on where the local fishing was best this week, which evolved into him getting free fishing gear and sponsors so he could go tournament fishing. He got paid to have fun the way he wanted to have it, and it cost him nothing but a little time each week. 

The one key thing which runs through all of this is that every one who finds happiness and success has been open to trying anything and has went out in life looking for what they wanted to get. Each one who I've mentioned never expected their success and happiness to be found where it was, but because they were looking for it when they came across it they were ready to go with it. Good things don't often fall in your lap, you must actively seek them, and those who do that will usually find them. The best luck happens to those who position themselves where it is most likely to come to them. The worst luck happens to those who do nothing. Happiness follows this same course. 

If you want something then go out and do what it takes to get it. Try everything till you find what you do best, then develop that into the happiness and success you deserve. Where there is a will, there is a way- where there is no will, there is only failure and misery. You choose.

Bettypooh

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was once at a point in my life where I was overwhelmed with depression. A friend advised that I find things in my life that I am grateful for and start focusing on the positive aspects of my life, rather than dwell on the negative. I wrote down things I was grateful for even if it was as simple as a pen to write with (and let's face it, if you're posting online, then you have a lot more going for you than just a simple pen).

Make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Get enough sleep every night, eat enough food, and exercise to the best of your abilities. It isn't always easy to stay on track, but you'll see the benefits of doing so before long.

I'd recommend just getting a new job for now. Not sure whether you mentioned what degree you have, but you might be able to land something if you research qualifications for the field and see what qualifications your competition has. As far as hobbies go, just find something you like to do and have fun with it, then finally, your friends sound like assholes, so I'd avoid those guys and find some new friends. 

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I have every right to be depressed, if I want to look at it that way. I'm incontinent, old, overweight, bald and have no education. It takes plenty of pills to keep my upright. Then there is all the really messed up stuff that goes on in our world. Brexit, Trump, Global warming...

OTOH, I have every right to be excited about the world. I am in my prime earning years, I have plenty of food to eat, a low maintenance haircut and a great job that has me traveling quite a bit of the time. My wife is still my best friend, and my kids think I'm pretty OK. As for the drugs; they are the cause of my IC, but so what? If I stop taking them I get really depressed and become a Major Arsehole. I prefer diapers and having friends.

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On ‎9‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 2:31 PM, horrorfan said:

I'd recommend just getting a new job for now. Not sure whether you mentioned what degree you have, but you might be able to land something if you research qualifications for the field and see what qualifications your competition has. As far as hobbies go, just find something you like to do and have fun with it, then finally, your friends sound like assholes, so I'd avoid those guys and find some new friends. 

It's not like I've wasted time trying, but there are no jobs for my degree in my area. I'm also too unqualified to find do a basic job. Sidenote, I've made it very clear I find no enjoyment in anything. 

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If all else fails there's fast food and other survival jobs you can get while you work on making yourself qualified for the positions you want. You can also make a hobby of your desired profession (ex: for an IT position you could make a hobby of setting up and maintaining computers and networks) You don't have to have natural talent for what you do, you just have to pick yourself up and move on. At the end of the day, that's what separates the men from the boys.

You really need to learn to love yourself, quit taking other peoples' word for it that you are worthless. If you can't do that then you will always be miserable. At the very least you seem as though you like to wear diapers. Try to find something you can at least tolerate and build off of it. I would also highly recommend spending at least an hour a day exercising. You can throw me excuses all you want, but if you can at least start exercising an hour a day I can guarantee that you will start to feel better.

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Dude, McDonalds wouldn't even hire me. Retail positions have ignored all my applications. I also don't have any aspirations, goals, or dreams. Right now, I'm just waiting for the moment when I can't take it anymore and end it all. No one needs to be wasting their time here trying to convince me otherwise. My hobbies (listed in an earlier post) are just to pass time, not that I'm any good at them anyway. Side note, very few have ever called me worthless. I simply realized that after seeing how incompetent I am at existing. All of which have been explained earlier. 

This entire post has simply been an excuse to vent about my sense of worthlessness. There no real point in trying to convince me otherwise. Not everyone can or wants to be saved. So let this one go. See ya around...or not. Probably gonna just disappear like I should've a long time ago. 

Also, please don't have this post or thread removed. Let someone benefit from this thread. That someone just isn't going to be me.

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This isn't about saving yourself, per se. You still have options. If you kick the bucket all options go away. I don't know what your belief is regarding afterlife, but you can't be sure about anything. To me it sounds like you want things to be different rather than for everything to end. You may have to extend your search for work, but if you try hard enough you can do it.

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I guess there's so many different things I could say and none of them would make a difference, regardless, here is my angle on this issue.

Your suffering is not unique. Others have gone through what you are going through, some came out on top and others didn't make it. I have lost others to suicide and I've toyed with the idea myself, sometimes I even still have to talk myself out of it, and it goes without saying that it's a topic I almost feel intimately familiar with. I have my own lion's share of problems, some of which even overlap with the ones you posted, but like hell am I giving up! Do yourself a favor and at least give yourself a chance at starting fresh. Find something you feel like you can do that makes money and go for it. edx.org offers free online courses you can follow if you want to get familiar with something else. It will take dedication and persistence, but you can do it! Just don't give up on yourself yet.

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Dude...I can't. Everything everyone has said is good advice but, I can't. I can't live in a state absolute inferiority and worthlessness. Everyday, sitting in my room because I'm unhirable. Unable to properly socialize because I don't belong anywhere. Watching myself stumble and fall in the mud so someone better can walk over me. I'm not serious about most things because why bother? The result will be shit anyway and I can't stomach sucking for weeks, months, or years to become slightly less mediocre.

I'm young, admittedly, and I know others have it worse. Yet, I'm tired. I gave on myself a long time ago.

Farewell.

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  • 2 years later...

Been a while, huh. Over two years now. Finally got a job. I do private security and have been steady for about 5 months now. Still have an overwhelming sense of self-hatred, shit self-esteem, and a constant wish to end it all, but at least I have a job. Something to be proud of, I guess. 

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  • 3 years later...

It's been some time since I've posted here. To be honest, I feel alone. More often than not, I find myself in groups that don't really align with my personal tastes. And instead, end up surrounded by people who's tastes or interests I hate. In the past, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to bother people with my existence. After all, then and now, i still see myself as a waste of space.

Yet, I crave some level of companionship and validation. Adopting a pet sounds an option but, I don't do a good job caring for myself. I doubt caring for a pet would do me or the animal any good.

Honestly, it would be nice to have someone to chat about things we both enjoy. Instead of me feeling like I'm the only person that enjoys certain things. Like, I enjoyed Velma for example. It'd be nice to run into someone else who honestly liked it. To talk about it and what we enjoyed about. Instead, I had to endure people constantly complaining and hating it.

BUT GOD FORBID I SAY WHAT I REALLLY FEEL ABOUT THE 'ACCEPTED POPULAR MEDIA'. Like I hate Sonic with a burning passion but I'm surrounded by Sonic fans because of an artist I support.

I know I shouldn't let other people's tastes affect how I enjoy media. However, counterpoint, when all you ever hear is negative things about what you enjoy, it does affect you. I feel alone in what little I do enjoy. Like I enjoy Big Mouth and Human Rescources, yet based on every discussion I've seen of it in the discord servers I've part of is always negative. More often than not, I find myself defending the media I enjoy.

Yet, probably because of all time defending or listening to people talk negatively about what I enjoy, I couldn't care about what anyone enjoys. Regardless of our tastes/interests matching up.

The ultimate contradiction: I crave friendship but I could less for what makes them happy as long I'm happy.

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