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Madison's Code


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6 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

 

*Gasp* Why does everyone assume Thomas Bell is some kind of horrible person? He is the epitome of good parenthood. He was even worried about Madison's nutrition! 

Trust me my parents never went over the line and they still managed to be toxic and inflict some serious damage. This guy I'm getting serious bad vibes.

 

Plus it's a Sophie/ Pudding story

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4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Plus it's a Sophie/ Pudding story

I like that we have such a devastating reputation. XD

Also Pudding had no influence in this one, so it's slightly less diabolical! :o Though I can't comment on Madison's father without spoiling stuff.

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Well, all the obvious... and the inverse obvious... has been said. Or maybe Dad is a really sweet guy and bellowed out his initial "greeting" because he's always so nice to Madison. And already, as Jamie talked about the way Madison dresses, I wasn't thinking "Oh, she's being modest because her Dad is so nice to her." 

At least we've gotten a start on why Madison is so Madison.

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8 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

A panic attack for 25 minutes is ... wow.  That's intense.

my wife has those, when it's over she is not even there in her head anymore, then she will fall asleep for (I hope) an hour, then when she wakes up she has no memory have what happened. It can last up to an hour, from the time it starts to when she is back to normal. Sometimes it can be longer, but it is usually an hour, maybe 90 minutes total.

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4 minutes ago, Aries said:

my wife has those, when it's over she is not even there in her head anymore, then she will fall asleep for (I hope) an hour, then when she wakes up she has no memory have what happened. It can last up to an hour, from the time it starts to when she is back to normal. Sometimes it can be longer, but it is usually an hour, maybe 90 minutes total.

I've had one or two strong ones + one disassociative. I can't imagine having them on the reg.

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29 minutes ago, Aries said:

my wife has those, when it's over she is not even there in her head anymore, then she will fall asleep for (I hope) an hour, then when she wakes up she has no memory have what happened. It can last up to an hour, from the time it starts to when she is back to normal. Sometimes it can be longer, but it is usually an hour, maybe 90 minutes total.

This is extremely similar to my panic attack structure.  They last about 15 minutes, depending on what got me worked up.  Then afterward I'm so exhausted that I'm basically not myself the rest of the day.  Unless I nap.  An hour nap and I'm totally fine again.  Really bad panic attacks, I only remember the beginning.

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Oh I was afraid of this... I really hope he isn't actually abusive or intentionally abusive >_< I don't know if my heart can handle Madison suffering an abusive parent. All my big brother (No not Daddy, she is underage) senses are tingling for a girl that doesn't exist lol.

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Fifteen.

    Night and day were not powerful enough to describe this.  Night in the country, where stars pepper the sky, where trees are invisible in the darkness and everything is a constant absence.  Day in the city, a big city like New York or Los Angeles, when literally everything moves and all the sound feels heavy and the sun could fry you like a pancake on the sidewalk.  Night and day in the most literal, polarizing way.  That was Madison Bell at home and at Walmart.

    “I have never even seen this one before!  You know they stopped making Polly Pocket?  I think because the parts are too small and kids keep eating them, but I don’t see why that should ruin it for everyone else.”

    I remembered the word I most used to describe Madison and it was surely apt now.  Annoying.

    “Oh, okay, look at this one.  They are more like dolls now, with different clothes.  But I remember when I was a kid.  I had one that closed up, so you can take it to a friend’s house.  Of course, I didn’t really have any friends, so I didn’t take it anywhere.  And I don’t have it anymore.  Actually, maybe I did take it somewhere, maybe to my grandmas?  Maybe that’s how I lost it.”

    But that was the weird thing, maybe.  This may have been the most annoying I had ever seen Madison in my ten years of knowing her.  This singular moment was the most annoying I expected Madison could ever be.  And… well… I wasn’t annoyed.  Not at all.

    “Buy it,” I told her.

    Wow, she got quiet fast.

    “What?  You want it.  So buy it.”

    “It’s for kids,” she said flatly, like that was an excuse.

    “So?”

    “I’m not a kid?” She tried to elaborate but it came out like a question.

    “Again, so?” If I was ever so dense, I’d want someone to kill me. “You watch cartoons, and that’s for kids.  And I buy Legos still and those are for kids.  I play video games with Polly all the time.  Aren’t those for kids?”

    “Right, but…”

    “But it makes you happy.  And it reminds you of something you loved when you were younger, something you don’t have anymore.  Isn’t that enough?”

    She looked at the shelf again, little plastic dolls with their little rubber outfits, and I watched her eyes sparkle with possibility.  I wondered if she ever noticed me staring.  No, she was far too dense.

    “You think it’s alright?” she asked.

    “I think it’s alright,” I told her, and walked her to the checkout.  She couldn’t take her eyes off the package in her hands.  Seriously, she was really…

    “Hey, Jamie?” I had never loved my name so much as when I heard it in her voice.  She held up her toy for me to see. “Now we both have best friends named Polly.”

    She laughed at her joke.  That’s all it was, an innocent joke.  But maybe it struck a cord in me somewhere, in the place between my stomach and my heart.  For some reason, it sounded like the saddest thing I’d ever heard.

    “She’ll have to settle for second place,” I said and wrapped my arm around Madison’s shoulder. “I was here first.”

    The whole way home, Madison played with her Polly Pocket.  I swear, the entire way.  She knew the names of the characters and she’d hold up the different outfits for me to see.  I told her that I liked the dress with the flowers on it.  She dressed Polly up in the flower dress after that.

    When we got back to her house, Madison’s dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway anymore.  The sun had gone down early as it often does in late January.  The clock on my dashboard read 7:03.  But if no one was home…

    “Can I come in?” I asked.

    “Yes,” she said with certainty. “Absolutely!”

    The house was quiet and still again; this was a stasis I had grown used to at Madison’s place.  I wasn’t sure where her parents were all the time, but Madison had assured me that both her mom and dad were busy people.  To me, that seemed like a shitty excuse, but Madison didn’t seem perturbed by their absence.  If anything, maybe she preferred it.

    “Want to watch a movie?” she asked me.

    “Sure, what do you have?”

    “Tons of stuff, lemme find something.  Have you seen Frozen?”

    “Uh, yeah, once.”

    “Oh, what about Matilda?”

    “Probably when I was younger.”

    She paused and pursed her lips, thinking, maybe.  Polly Pocket was still in her hands.  I had a weird thought…

    “Let’s watch Matilda, then,” I told her.

    “But you’ve seen it,” she sighed, still lost in thought.

    “Forever ago.  I don’t remember it.”

    I was lying.  I did remember it.  But it seemed to do the trick.

    “Okay, let me get my DVD!”  She ran up the stairs and I sat back on the sofa with my arms crossed.  This felt like… babysitting.

    We were only halfway through the movie when Madison put her head on my shoulder.  I didn’t say anything, not right away, but I started to watch her more than the movie.  She still had that doll in her hands.

    “Madison?”

    “Hm?”

    “You sort of act like a kid sometimes.”

    “I never noticed,” she said flatly, without looking away from the television.  But she was close to me, her cheek to my shoulder, her head to my ear.  Her hands were tight around her doll and my hands were loose and not around anything.  And I can’t really explain it, I really can’t, but for some reason I didn’t believe her.

    “You aren’t convincing.”

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1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Fifteen.

    “But you’ve seen it,” she sighed, still lost in thought.

    “Forever ago.  I don’t remember it.”

    I was lying.  I did remember it.  But it seemed to do the trick.

    “Okay, let me get my DVD!”  She ran up the stairs and I sat back on the sofa with my arms crossed.  This felt like… babysitting.

    We were only halfway through the movie when Madison put her head on my shoulder.  I didn’t say anything, not right away, but I started to watch her more than the movie.  She still had that doll in her hands.

    “Madison?”

    “Hm?”

    “You sort of act like a kid sometimes.”

    “I never noticed,” she said flatly, without looking away from the television.  But she was close to me, her cheek to my shoulder, her head to my ear.  Her hands were tight around her doll and my hands were loose and not around anything.  And I can’t really explain it, I really can’t, but for some reason I didn’t believe her.

    “You aren’t convincing.”

Madison's definitely a Little

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4 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

 “You aren’t convincing.”

image.png.c28b93e72f7f309a44f04f7602098226.png

This sort of confrontation has gone very poorly for Jamie in the past, but that was when Madison could walk away from the phone.

Now she's called her out face to face, Madison is literally in her arms and Jamie is holding up a mirror and forcing Madison to see herself.  And the thing is... I think Madison is really close to a breakthrough.

Madison desperately needs permission from someone to be herself.  She knows what she wants, but she has people that she loves and respects telling her that she's wrong, that she's broken, that she's making a mistake.  But all it really takes is love from another source, pure love - not the tainted familial garbage love of obligation (I'm suuuuuuuper bitter, FYI) - and suddenly Madison is ready to blossom.

Which means her dad is about to walk in and ruin it.  Just as Madison stands on the precipice of her leap of faith, of accepting Jamie's love at face value and becoming a more authentic version of herself, a cruel author would smash it to pieces.

Polly Pocket is doomed.  She didn't lose the last one, her parents took it away from her, and they're going to go 1 Corinthians on her ass again.  Madison can't be Little because someone (looking at you, Tom) is telling her it's wrong.  If she still has the toy in 6,000 words I'll be incredibly shocked.

Madison is stuck in an earlier stage of emotional development.  She has the emotional needs of someone much, much younger than she is - and this comes from neglect and/or abuse.  Sadly, I don't know the cure for this, I don't know the correct way forward.

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Madison really pulls at my heart strings, even if to me she's still a bit of an enigma; from what I can infer she's been living effectively most of her life behind a mask, even if she's crying on the inside she probably just smiles and laughs. And that is a sad and painful way to live, having the fake you be praised as charismatic, interesting, and cool; only to see people with characteristics that closely resemble your own true self be ostracized and condemned. It's a real nasty cycle that's hard to break from with such clear positive and negative reinforcement. I really hope Jamie can help pull out the real Madison and show her the real love she deserves. 

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1 hour ago, foofybabykitten said:

Madison really pulls at my heart strings, even if to me she's still a bit of an enigma; from what I can infer she's been living effectively most of her life behind a mask, even if she's crying on the inside she probably just smiles and laughs. And that is a sad and painful way to live, having the fake you be praised as charismatic, interesting, and cool; only to see people with characteristics that closely resemble your own true self be ostracized and condemned. It's a real nasty cycle that's hard to break from with such clear positive and negative reinforcement. I really hope Jamie can help pull out the real Madison and show her the real love she deserves. 

I feel like I've just started to develop a self with in the past couple years and it's so confusing. Especially because I'm having to make important decisions that I have no clue what to do about

2 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

 

This sort of confrontation has gone very poorly for Jamie in the past, but that was when Madison could walk away from the phone.

Now she's called her out face to face, Madison is literally in her arms and Jamie is holding up a mirror and forcing

Madison desperately needs permission from someone to be herself.  She knows what she wants, but she has people that she loves and respects telling her that she's wrong, that she's broken, that she's making a mistake.  But all it really takes is love from another source, pure love - not the tainted familial garbage love of obligation (I'm suuuuuuuper bitter, FYI) - and suddenly Madison is ready to blossom.

Which means her dad is about to walk in and ruin it.  Just as Madison stands on the precipice of her leap of faith, of accepting Jamie's love at face value and becoming a more authentic version of herself, a cruel author would smash it to pieces.

Polly Pocket is doomed.  She didn't lose the last one, her parents took it away from her, and they're going to go 1 Corinthians on her ass again.  Madison can't be Little because someone (looking at you, Tom) is telling her it's wrong.  If she still has the toy in 6,000 words I'll be incredibly shocked.

Madison is stuck in an earlier stage of emotional development.  She has the emotional neomeone much, much younger than she is - and this comes from neglect and/or abuse.  Sadly, I don't know the cure for this, I don't know the correct way forward.

 

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10 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Madison's definitely a Little

:o What would ever make you think such a thing?!

7 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

Madison desperately needs permission from someone to be herself.  She knows what she wants, but she has people that she loves and respects telling her that she's wrong, that she's broken, that she's making a mistake.  But all it really takes is love from another source, pure love - not the tainted familial garbage love of obligation (I'm suuuuuuuper bitter, FYI) - and suddenly Madison is ready to blossom.

bbykimmy droppin' by with AMAZING analysis as usual!  I totally agree: love of obligation is not real love.  Family has to be more, or it's not family. *nods* 

6 hours ago, foofybabykitten said:

Madison really pulls at my heart strings, even if to me she's still a bit of an enigma; from what I can infer she's been living effectively most of her life behind a mask, even if she's crying on the inside she probably just smiles and laughs. And that is a sad and painful way to live, having the fake you be praised as charismatic, interesting, and cool; only to see people with characteristics that closely resemble your own true self be ostracized and condemned. It's a real nasty cycle that's hard to break from with such clear positive and negative reinforcement. I really hope Jamie can help pull out the real Madison and show her the real love she deserves. 

Uh huh.  I think a lot of people - especially high schoolers - know what it's like to live behind a mask.  It's really terrible to be so afraid to be yourself.  But I'm rooting for Jamie. ^_^ 

Thanks for reading everyone!  Thanks for the likes and all the love.  I'll get you guys another chapter soon.

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Oh, I certainly hope Dad doesn't come home and barge in on this! Not soon, at least. Jamie has gotten the message and won't let go of it, but Madison needs at least a little more time right now... I think. Unless the mean ole writers want to get really twisted... haha... they'd never do that, would they??

Oh, sure it was obvious that Madison is a Little, but she is in incredibly deep denial because she has to be in order to rationalize her father's (maybe mom's too, if she exists...) behavior. Hey, I was in denial for over 60 years and I feel it was to rationalize parental reactions and behavior I don't even remember. But then, not remembering is part of the denial; a protection from the cognitive dissonance by the subconscious. 

So, mean ole writers... twisted mean writers... do your thing and we'll all be hanging here waiting.

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Hmm... He came home from work, then left again this late at night...

He's bowling. ^_^ Tonight is his bowling night and he's gonna come home in a good mood and bake the girls a batch of double-chocolate cookies! :D

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1 hour ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Hmm... He came home from work, then left again this late at night...

He's bowling. ^_^ Tonight is his bowling night and he's gonna come home in a good mood and bake the girls a batch of double-chocolate cookies! :D

Double chocolate chip has never sounded so sad in my life lol. That euphemism is spectacular, I'll give you that. Double chocolate because he beats it out of the both of them? I'm sorry lol but my BoJack dark humour senses are going off and I am dying of laughter from this. I am a very bad person.

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5 minutes ago, TheChronicler said:

Double chocolate chip has never sounded so sad in my life lol. That euphemism is spectacular, I'll give you that. Double chocolate because he beats it out of the both of them? I'm sorry lol but my BoJack dark humour senses are going off and I am dying of laughter from this. I am a very bad person.

:o Why does everybody hate Tom??? He has done NOTHING WRONG!!!!

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19 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Hmm... He came home from work, then left again this late at night...

He's bowling. ^_^ Tonight is his bowling night and he's gonna come home in a good mood and bake the girls a batch of double-chocolate cookies! :D

He's bottom of the 10th frame, needing one strike to win the match for his team, and he spares it... Disappointment is etched all over his face, his teammates console him. 

 

By by the time he gets home, his lack of performance at the crucial moment causes internal turmoil and anger, and there's only one person he can take his frustrations out on. 

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Sixteen.

    When I solved the mystery of Madison Bell’s smile, it was an easy riddle made hard by the riddler.  Any time I came close to figuring it out, she would pull away.  She would get angry or apathetic.  She would stop texting me.  She would hide the clues so I could never solve it.  But I did anyway.

    This was different.  The mystery of Madison’s eyes was a hard riddle made easier.  I thought after I mentioned her childishness that evening on her sofa that she would retreat from it, but it was the opposite.  She fed into my toy store trips.  She recommended kids’ movies all the time, in case there was one I hadn’t seen.  When I’d tease her, she would smile a smile so warm it would color her cheeks.  She was giving me literally every clue I could ask for, and still, I didn’t understand.

    “So she just likes to act like a kid?” Polly asked.

    “It feels like more than that,” I said. “It feels intimate.”

    “Sexy intimate?”

    “No,” I sighed. “It’s like when you’re playing hide-and-seek, and you pick the same hiding spot as somebody else, but the seeker finished counting and you both have to cram into the back of a closet together.  It’s quiet, you can see each other perfectly, and neither of you says anything.  Your fates are intertwined, and one wrong word or one wrong movement means you both get caught.  It’s a secret.  A silent, quiet, absent secret, so desperate and so important that neither of you can bring yourselves to even mention that it exists.  But that light in her eyes… you know she won’t let you down…”

    Polly grabbed my wrist and it drew me out of my uncharacteristic stint of introspection.  I looked up at the playground - there was one by Polly’s house and it was the first nice day of February.  It seemed a waste not to sit on the swings.

    “Jamie.  What is going on?”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I’ve never heard you talk like that.  Ever.”

    I shrugged and kicked the wood chips under my feet.

    “Why is Sunshine so important to you?” she asked.

    “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But she is.  I just feel like… I need to figure this out.  Like I need to understand her.”

    “Why?”

    “Because I don't think anyone else does.”

    Polly spun around in her swing, tightening the chains around one another.  Then she uncoiled and snapped back into place.

    “Well,” she finally said, “how can I help?”

    “This kid stuff.”

    “Ask her about it.”

    “I don’t want to scare her away,” I said under my breath. “I feel like she’s warming up to me or something.”

    “Then just test the waters.  Treat her like a kid.”

    “I already do,” I sighed.

    “Push the envelope.  Transcend the typical ‘childish teen’ trope and push into the ‘childish child’ one.”

    “I don’t know what that means.”

    “Look here,” Polly said, getting off the swing, “she likes this kid stuff.  And you don’t think it’s weird, right?”

    “I don’t think it’s that weird.”

    “Then see how deep the rabbit hole goes.  And when you have enough proof, so much that she can’t run away from it, talk to her.”

    Well, I hadn’t come up with any better ideas myself, had I?

    “Thanks.”

    “Yeah,” Polly dismissed. “That’s what friends are for.”

    The next Monday at school, the temperature was in the fifties.  If I turned the heat on when I got home from school, the house would still be warm well into the night.  Mom worked a late shift too, until eight.  If there was any other time perfect for a night alone with Madison Bell, I wouldn’t know it.

    “Tonight.  You.  Me.  We’re watching that movie with the cats you keep talking about.”

    “I don’t know if I can,” she said with a tiny smile.  

    No Days had become slightly more pliable after that first break from the norm.  Some days were still confident ‘No’s, and others, less certain.  Today was a less certain one.  It wasn’t that she “couldn’t” come over, but rather that she “didn’t know”.  So I decided to sway the decision in my favor.

    “We could wear pajamas.  I watched my neighbor’s dog over the weekend, so I’ve got snack money.  What do you think?  Junk food, chocolate, pajamas, and Disney movies?”

    You could see the brightness burning in the backs of her eyes.  I’d won this battle.

    “I can’t stay the night,” she said.

    “I’ll take you home at ten.  The pajamas are just for comfort.”

    “I have to call my mom and ask.”

    “Keep me posted.”

    Her mom always said yes.  From what I understood of it, Madison cared more about asking to come over than her mom did.  And sure enough, after lunch, I got a text message:

>> Mom says its fine!!  See you after school~

    I waited by the side-doors to the parking lot, looking up at the warm blue sky.  The sun was bright today.  All the snow had melted.  I thought about what Polly had said on Friday - about how deep the rabbit hole went - and as strange as it seemed, I was really excited to find the answer.

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41 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

“It’s like when you’re playing hide-and-seek, and you pick the same hiding spot as somebody else, but the seeker finished counting and you both have to cram into the back of a closet together.  It’s quiet, you can see each other perfectly, and neither of you says anything.  Your fates are intertwined, and one wrong word or one wrong movement means you both get caught.  It’s a secret.  A silent, quiet, absent secret, so desperate and so important that neither of you can bring yourselves to even mention that it exists.  But that light in her eyes… you know she won’t let you down…”

Damn.  This is the most poignant, honest passage in the whole work thus far.  It's been cloak-and-dagger with the reader, as all good stories are, but with this small speech I feel like Sophie the author is sharing the meaning of Littlespace in a very raw and real way here.

This is... beautiful.

This is an honest reflection of a precious moment in childhood that I hope everyone can relate to, this tiny, silent, intimate pact between two friends.  Intimate is the word, but in a purely platonic way.

We also get to see that Madison's mom is in the picture, and is a permissive sort.  This could be a bad thing, permissiveness can come from a place of lack of caring or lack of interest.  It's too early to tell.

I love this story <3

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8 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Damn.  This is the most poignant, honest passage in the whole work thus far.  It's been cloak-and-dagger with the reader, as all good stories are, but with this small speech I feel like Sophie the author is sharing the meaning of Littlespace in a very raw and real way here.

This is... beautiful.

:blush: Gosh.. thank you so much.

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So she does have a Mom! They're like one big happy family! ?

She always says yes, huh? Probably because Madison is such a good kid she only asks for things she knows is okay! Yup. I'm sensing very strong Family Values from the Bells. ?

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5 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

with this small speech I feel like Sophie the author is sharing the meaning of Littlespace in a very raw and real way here.

I agree. It seems like she's describing that feeling without really understanding it herself. Well, I guess soon we'll be peering down that rabbit hole! I'm still really concerned for Madison's safety at home w bowler-man dad... cause I don't think many of us really think dad bowls at all...

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