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I responded to a post in a different part of the forum and it triggered a thought. I wondered how many of us have consciously or unconsciously responded to bad potty training. What were your memories of bad potty training?

Here is one I recall, and for those of you who may have read this earlier, sorry. (I did edit it a little from before)

In RL my mother told of her sister-in-law.  Her kids were too old to not be toilet trained (probably 2 1/2 by 1950s standards)  And she would spank them on loaded training pants.  My mother's comment was "It makes the clean up much harder." 

So I remembered the vague memory. My mom would have cleaned us and given a good paddling.  Wet ones would have been dealt with the same way.  And in either case it would be followed by putting your red butt on the potty chair. And then spending some time strapped to it.

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Even if your age wasn't listed I would know you're under forty.  Life was very strict and obedience required in the 1950s & 60s even at early ages.  There are a lot of people my age that would have similar stories.  It was the baby boom and I lived in Chicago.  There were lots of kids on my block and we were in each other's houses often.  Based on my experience, potty training was rough for just about all of us.

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I'm really sorry for all those, who had to go through this... And so glad I was born way past those times.
Can't help wondering, though, how my bladder problems, that started not so long after my own potty training would have been dealt with, if I lived back then?..

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I’m at the early end of your age range and also from 90 miles north of Chicago. I never experienced the toilet training techniques you describe.  In fact, I would characterize mine as probably too permissive as I was still wearing diapers on some occasions when I was 15 years old. 

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I don’t remember anything about my toilet training, and it was all done when I was about two years old.

I can understand why it was so early, I’m the middle of three kids, VERY close in age, and we were all in diapers at once for a while. My mom used a wringer washer for all those diapers and baby clothes, and then it was just too much and they had a diaper service. Her life must’ve been a stinky and soggy mess for those years, with someone always needing to be taken to the bathroom or changed.

I grew up with an exaggerated shyness about bathroom needs and a lot of shame about my accidents. No one was mean to me when I wet, and I was never punished for it. But for such a small normal childhood thing, being wet and not wanting to be found out sure dominates my bad memories.

As for pooping my pants, it must’ve happened and I’ve blocked it out completely.

A bunch of my diaper play is about being cared for and accepted and loved as these normal things happen, which maybe I didn’t get enough of at the time.

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45 minutes ago, Elenwen said:

I'm really sorry for all those, who had to go through this... And so glad I was born way past those times.
Can't help wondering, though, how my bladder problems, that started not so long after my own potty training would have been dealt with, if I lived back then?..

If your parents didn't know you had a medical condition, at least in the States, they wouldn't been dealt with too kindly.  And a couple of years after the war in the Ukraine, I'm afraid they would also have not been lenient.  Things were tough here with washing of cloth diapers etc.  But in the Ukraine they had to be 100 times tougher and there would have been little margin for coping with things like that.  (Just my guess, but ask old people before they die off.  only the toughest survived)

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9 minutes ago, nonny said:

I don’t remember anything about my toilet training, and it was all done when I was about two years old.

I can understand why it was so early, I’m the middle of three kids, VERY close in age, and we were all in diapers at once for a while. My mom used a wringer washer for all those diapers and baby clothes, and then it was just too much and they had a diaper service. Her life must’ve been a diaper and potty dominated mess for those years, with someone always needing to be taken to the bathroom or changed.

I grew up with an exaggerated shyness about bathroom needs and a lot of shame about my accidents. No one was mean to me when I wet, and I was never punished for it. But for such a small normal childhood thing, being wet and not wanting to be found out sure dominates my bad memories.

As for pooping my pants, it must’ve happened and I’ve blocked it out completely.

A bunch of my diaper play is about being cared for and accepted and loved as these normal things happen, which maybe I didn’t get enough of at the time.

I did have that shyness too.  We weren't given a lot of privacy in the first 6-7 years and it seemed not to be a problem.  Sharing one bathroom, baths with opposite sex siblings, one using the toilet while the other was washing.  Even at the neighbors we often didn't close bathroom doors.  And often saw my friends younger siblings being changed out in the open or sitting on the potty chair. Then somewhere it changed and we must have picked it up from parents, and shyness began.  We never saw adults partially dressed or using the bathroom.  And so we developed being shy.

As far as wetting accidents under the best of circumstances, you probably sensed this wasn't the high point of the adult's day.  And you also sensed the care they gave when it was a time when you needed it.  BUT other kids could be merciless with teasing.  Teasing may very well heightened the feeling of being shamed.

8 minutes ago, diaperedboilerman said:

I have zero recollection of my own potty training. Sadly my Mom had me and most of my siblings potty trained probably way before we should have been. Maybe that is why I liked and wanted to be in diapers all my life. I do recall my younger sisters, one of them used to wet herself quite often and she got spanked for it. And as older kids we got in big trouble if we wet ourselves even when it was Mom's fault that we did for not letting us use the toilet. Yep times were different back in the day, and in some ways better, some ways worse. 

I'm glad you are somewhat reiterating my story.  I find people under say thirty five have some disbelief to what they call abuse.  To us as children it was just how life was.

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If your parents didn't know you had a medical condition, at least in the States, they wouldn't been dealt with too kindly.  And a couple of years after the war in the Ukraine, I'm afraid they would also have not been lenient.  Things were tough here with washing of cloth diapers etc.  But in the Ukraine they had to be 100 times tougher and there would have been little margin for coping with things like that.  (Just my guess, but ask old people before they die off.  only the toughest survived)


You're probably right, although I don't have anyone to ask about the time just after the war, so I can't really check.
Still, I am really lucky, 'cause my mom actually greatly supported me and helped a lot, instead of punishing and all that...
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I remember my potty training days very well because I hated leaving my diapers and hated sitting on the potty in fact she keep my diapers around until I was about 6 years old and as 1950 potty I grew up in the early 60's and a good smack across the back of the legs or bare butt was not uncommon and for it was the potty chair and then back to diapers and like said mom keep my diapers and gerber plastic pants until I was 6+ if we acted like a baby back in diapers and geber plastic pants we went and that's why i still like cloth diapers and plastic pants today...growing up was tuff love but never ever hated mom or dad :)

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11 minutes ago, Babybilly said:

I remember my potty training days very well because I hated leaving my diapers and hated sitting on the potty in fact she keep my diapers around until I was about 6 years old and as 1950 potty I grew up in the early 60's and a good smack across the back of the legs or bare butt was not uncommon and for it was the potty chair and then back to diapers and like said mom keep my diapers and gerber plastic pants until I was 6+ if we acted like a baby back in diapers and geber plastic pants we went and that's why i still like cloth diapers and plastic pants today...growing up was tuff love but never ever hated mom or dad :)

Absolutely true, I think she tried to do what was best for me.  And ideas of what was best are different than today.

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Oh yes totally mom's today don't do half the things mother's of old use to do and if I remember right i wasn't potty trained until I was about 21/2 to 3 years old and i kind of wish we had disposable diapers like today,don't get me wrong i love my cloth diapers and plastic pants but some of the diapers they have today are cute...

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30 minutes ago, yukon2545 said:

Oh yes totally mom's today don't do half the things mother's of old use to do and if I remember right i wasn't potty trained until I was about 21/2 to 3 years old and i kind of wish we had disposable diapers like today,don't get me wrong i love my cloth diapers and plastic pants but some of the diapers they have today are cute...

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Your mother probably got flack from older women about your being too old for not being trained.  You are on the edge of when being more permissive about starting potty training started to come into child rearing.

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She was and wasn't some mom's started potty training toddler's between 21/2 and 3 and if my memory's right two kids at the end of my block were in diapers until like 5 so back then mother's took there time with potty training my dad wasn't part of it cuz he worked and mom didn't and thank god for diaper services remember them even when mom put me back in diapers when i was 7 years old for about 4 months

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Punishment was a routine thing from be told to stay in on weekends to no phone calls...not watching TV...some kid today have no idea what it was to give respect and get respect...like you said abuse would not be tolerated towards kids but a parent's punishment would...and your welcome about keeping on track about things....

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24 minutes ago, yukon2545 said:

She was and wasn't some mom's started potty training toddler's between 21/2 and 3 and if my memory's right two kids at the end of my block were in diapers until like 5 so back then mother's took there time with potty training my dad wasn't part of it cuz he worked and mom didn't and thank god for diaper services remember them even when mom put me back in diapers when i was 7 years old for about 4 months

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Punishment was a routine thing from be told to stay in on weekends to no phone calls...not watching TV...some kid today have no idea what it was to give respect and get respect...like you said abuse would not be tolerated towards kids but a parent's punishment would...and your welcome about keeping on track about things....

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Yes that was the time there was a  change in attitude.  But to have not trained a normal child until five, in my opinion, is not good parenting.  There is a sense of accomplishment for the child when they are finished being potty trained.  Most of us need that sense.  Further by five, I bet the kids were getting teased.

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There is no doubt about being teased for still wearing diapers when all your friends are out of them. Kids can be vicious little monsters teasing anyone who is different. 

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2 hours ago, 1950potty said:

I did have that shyness too.  We weren't given a lot of privacy in the first 6-7 years and it seemed not to be a problem.  Sharing one bathroom, baths with opposite sex siblings, one using the toilet while the other was washing.  Even at the neighbors we often didn't close bathroom doors.  And often saw my friends younger siblings being changed out in the open or sitting on the potty chair. Then somewhere it changed and we must have picked it up from parents, and shyness began.  We never saw adults partially dressed or using the bathroom.  And so we developed being shy.

As far as wetting accidents under the best of circumstances, you probably sensed this wasn't the high point of the adult's day.  And you also sensed the care they gave when it was a time when you needed it.  BUT other kids could be merciless with teasing.  Teasing may very well heightened the feeling of being shamed.

I'm glad you are somewhat reiterating my story.  I find people under say thirty five have some disbelief to what they call abuse.  To us as children it was just how life was.

One thing that relates to the lack of privacy and potty training.  And parents weren't completely stupid.  My wife and I did day care and trained a number of kids.  Potty time as a group activity leads to quicker results.  So having older kids demonstrate using the toilet was probably the objective.  The one challenge is for males, you don't want them to try peeing standing too soon.  They have terrible aim and if distracted will turn.  I think a lot of us 1950s males didn't learn to pee standing up until much later.  As matter of fact when I was in eighth grade, I was asked to demonstrate on the first day or two of school on how to use a urinal.  They were right, a number of these boys didn't understand standing at a urinal and peeing.

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Reading another thread about suppositories reminded me of another common potty training practice. Parents at that time felt it was important that children had a daily bowel movement. That didn't stop at potty training but beyond. Anyway, here is the method. At the time of day the mother decided the child should poop, they were placed on the potty. After a time, if the child hadn't pooped, this is what she did. The child got a suppository. Some people used an enema but suppositories were usually used. Then in a few minutes she got the desired result. And after a while the child developed a habit of pooping at that time. At my buddy's house the jar was placed where his younger brother could see it while on the potty chair. I don't know if this was just for the mother's convenience or to encourage the child to poop. I have heard of this method occasionally being used even today for children who will hold back and end up with big constipation problems.

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I can remember snippets here and there, of when I was still in diapers. Most vivid, was being put in a diaper at bedtime. But, I don’t remember to much about my actual potty training. I know, I had no potty chair, it was the big toilet you learned to use from the start. I grew up in the 60’s, and my mom, was of the opinion, that the parent said, you will be potty trained! I was day trained, by 2 1/2, and I think finished, (like it or not) with night diapers by 3. My mother, was not shy about using shame to get you motivated. Her big thing, was to tell you, the other kids are going to laugh at you, if you still go in your pants. That was how a lot of parents dealt with potty training, with some variations, meaning adding punishments. Anything from, denying things, to outright spankings. I know of some, who would be spanked, and then tied down to potty chairs. I was never punished, I just got the shamming routine. But, it was generally accepted to do these things, and as BabyBilly mentioned, it was a kind of tough love. 

I was to be potty trained, and done with diapers, cause Mom was done with having to wash diapers! That was the motive. I suspect, this was the beginning of my love for diapers and plastic pants. I missed them, and the attention associated with them. But, because of the shame, I was always afraid of being put back in diapers. I had bedwetting accidents, till about 6 years old. But Mom was not going to have diapers! All I had, was a plastic sheet, and that was to protect the mattress. So, I endured this duality around that time. I know I loved diapers, and I wet the bed, but I was always scared, I would have to really wear a diaper and be shamed for it. I had an older sister, and she did not provide any support in matters either. She would use my bedwetting against me, when she could. 

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4 hours ago, AbabeBill said:

I can remember snippets here and there, of when I was still in diapers. Most vivid, was being put in a diaper at bedtime. But, I don’t remember to much about my actual potty training. I know, I had no potty chair, it was the big toilet you learned to use from the start. I grew up in the 60’s, and my mom, was of the opinion, that the parent said, you will be potty trained! I was day trained, by 2 1/2, and I think finished, (like it or not) with night diapers by 3. My mother, was not shy about using shame to get you motivated. Her big thing, was to tell you, the other kids are going to laugh at you, if you still go in your pants. That was how a lot of parents dealt with potty training, with some variations, meaning adding punishments. Anything from, denying things, to outright spankings. I know of some, who would be spanked, and then tied down to potty chairs. I was never punished, I just got the shamming routine. But, it was generally accepted to do these things, and as BabyBilly mentioned, it was a kind of tough love. 

I was to be potty trained, and done with diapers, cause Mom was done with having to wash diapers! That was the motive. I suspect, this was the beginning of my love for diapers and plastic pants. I missed them, and the attention associated with them. But, because of the shame, I was always afraid of being put back in diapers. I had bedwetting accidents, till about 6 years old. But Mom was not going to have diapers! All I had, was a plastic sheet, and that was to protect the mattress. So, I endured this duality around that time. I know I loved diapers, and I wet the bed, but I was always scared, I would have to really wear a diaper and be shamed for it. I had an older sister, and she did not provide any support in matters either. She would use my bedwetting against me, when she could. 

When you mentioned starting on the toilet instead of a potty chair, I wonder if you had some type of adapter seat.  Little kids can't sit on a normal seat, they would fall in.  So it was an adapter or you had to be held.  And I don't know of a lot of adults would want to hold you long enough to accomplish the task even if you are well trained.

You are right, mothers were determined to get the job done and they would let you know it.  All the things like shaming (and older siblings did like to participate in that); spanking, suppositories and other punishments were part of the method.  Just about every potty chair and these auxiliary seats had, at least a seat belt and some additional straps.  Very often the child was kept on the potty chair for as long as the mother liked.  Many of the potty chairs had a tray.  The child could have meals while seated on the potty.  Not interrupting the potty session.  Eventually the child picked up the best way out of the potty chair was to go into the pot.

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21 hours ago, Elenwen said:

But that's all really awful! I don't believe anyone had to go through something like that!..

Oh, yes!  It was pretty normal toilet training procediures back in the 1950's and early 1960's!  Today parents get in trouble for giving their kids a quick swat on the behind when they kid did something wrong, but back 50 and 60 years ago spanking a kid hard (or worse) was normal punishment for wetting or soiling your pants when being or just after potty training.

21 hours ago, 1950potty said:

Life was very strict and obedience required in the 1950s & 60s even at early ages.  There are a lot of people my age that would have similar stories.  Based on my experience, potty training was rough for just about all of us.

 

19 hours ago, Babybilly said:

I grew up in the early 60's and a good smack across the back of the legs or bare butt was not uncommon and for it was the potty chair and then back to diapers...growing up was tuff love but never ever hated mom or dad :)

 

19 hours ago, yukon2545 said:

Oh yes totally mom's today don't do half the things mother's of old use to do.

I think a lot has to do with how authorities deal now with any adult who even looks funny at their kids.  True, a lot of parents really do abuse their kids to the point of hospitalization or even out right death from beatings.  Perhaps that is one reason things have changed over the last 50+ years.  Also keep in mind when a kid wet or messed their pants during or shortly after potty training, there were no Pull-up's or Goodnites.  There were cloth training pants and that meant the outer pants would get wet too.  parent's didn't just remove a wet pull up and toss it away like today.  it was a lot more work for them having to launder the wet and soiled pants, training pants and underpants when the kid had a relapse or accident.  I think that and how kids were raised and spanked for doing wrong back then had a lot to do with things.

18 hours ago, yukon2545 said:


Punishment was a routine thing from be told to stay in on weekends to no phone calls...not watching TV...some kids today have no idea what it was to give respect and get respect...like you said abuse would not be tolerated towards kids but a parent's punishment would...and your welcome about keeping on track about things....
 

So true!  Some parents did go way overboard with how they punished their kids for different things (including severe beatings), but now days people are afraid to spank their kid when they do wrong for fear of being arrested and having their kids placed in foster homes.  While I do agree that a swat now and then depending on the "crime" may be appropriate, I also agree with many psycologists that punishment is only a punishment if the child hates it.  Therefore it might be better to deny the kid wantching his favorite TV show (but now days with Xfinity and the likes, they can just watch it any time) or make him or her stay home from a planned trip to a ballgame, county fair or some other event he was looking forwards to.  There are better ways to get across proper behavior without having to beat or humiliate your kids when they do wrong.

15 hours ago, AbabeBill said:

 I grew up in the 60’s, and my mom, was of the opinion, that the parent said, you will be potty trained! I was day trained, by 2 1/2, and I think finished, (like it or not) with night diapers by 3. My mother, was not shy about using shame to get you motivated. Her big thing, was to tell you, the other kids are going to laugh at you, if you still go in your pants. That was how a lot of parents dealt with potty training, with some variations, meaning adding punishments. Anything from, denying things, to outright spankings. I know of some, who would be spanked, and then tied down to potty chairs. I was never punished, I just got the shamming routine. But, it was generally accepted to do these things, and as BabyBilly mentioned, it was a kind of tough love. 

It was just how things were done back then.  Time marches on and we do things differently now days for many reasons.  Some things we do different are for the better, some not so much but that's another rant of mine that I won't go into right now.

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Growing up in the 50's in a large family meant that potty training started young.  I don't remember the first part of it, but do remember having an accident wetting my pants at maybe 2-3 years and being put back into cloth diapers again for a short period of time. Had two other siblings in diapers at that point so mother was not to happy with my issues, and there was paddling involved if I did not keep my diaper dry at that point.  Must of had an impression on me as I can still recall the shame of going from big boy pants to diapers again.  Now that I am getting to be an old fart with control issues, may be going back to diapers again shortly

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48 minutes ago, deewet said:

Growing up in the 50's in a large family meant that potty training started young.  I don't remember the first part of it, but do remember having an accident wetting my pants at maybe 2-3 years and being put back into cloth diapers again for a short period of time. Had two other siblings in diapers at that point so mother was not to happy with my issues, and there was paddling involved if I did not keep my diaper dry at that point.  Must of had an impression on me as I can still recall the shame of going from big boy pants to diapers again.  Now that I am getting to be an old fart with control issues, may be going back to diapers again shortly

Did you have younger siblings?  And do you remember how they were trained?  And if you were considerably old than them did you have to help?  A lot of older siblings had to help with child care.

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16 hours ago, 1950potty said:

When you mentioned starting on the toilet instead of a potty chair, I wonder if you had some type of adapter seat.  Little kids can't sit on a normal seat, they would fall in.  So it was an adapter or you had to be held.  And I don't know of a lot of adults would want to hold you long enough to accomplish the task even if you are well trained.

You are right, mothers were determined to get the job done and they would let you know it.  All the things like shaming (and older siblings did like to participate in that); spanking, suppositories and other punishments were part of the method.  Just about every potty chair and these auxiliary seats had, at least a seat belt and some additional straps.  Very often the child was kept on the potty chair for as long as the mother liked.  Many of the potty chairs had a tray.  The child could have meals while seated on the potty.  Not interrupting the potty session.  Eventually the child picked up the best way out of the potty chair was to go into the pot.

cone shape deflector.JPG

No, I had no adaptations for the adult toilet. I think, I may have been helped up and placed, but I had to learn to sit on the front edge. I would have sat on the front edge, just far enough back, to make sure I wouldn’t pee outside, but not all the way back on the seat, so as to fall through. 

I do remember those adapter seats though. And I vividly remember, seeing my first stand alone potty chair. It was at my moms friends house. We were visiting, and she had a boy she was trying to train. The chair was wood, had a white plastic tray, plastic pot, and a restraining strap. It had been out in the middle of their living area. The boy was just getting off, when we entered.  I think I just stood starring at it, I never saw anything like that! I think, I may have even asked my mother what it was for. I think I was 3 1/2, or 4. I might have been older, but I don’t think I was in school yet. His mom, set the chair to the side of the room, and told the boy to go back to his room, and she would be right in. When she returned, she told me, I should go back and play with her son. When I got to his room, he had been put back in a diaper, and a pair of shorts. I could not help notice, the pair of yellow plastic pants sticking out of his very short shorts. They stuck up over the waistband, and out the bottom of the leg openings. We play with his toys on the floor for a bit, then had lunch. After lunch, our visit ended. I got one last look, of his plastic pants bulging out of his shorts, when he got out of his highchair to say goodbye. 

Haven’t thought about that in a long time, but the potty chair chat reminded me of it. 

 

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