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Speaking with a therapist... and mentioning diapers... anyone been there?


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Wife are going to marriage counseling, due to the fact that she was texting another guy for a year and a half behind my back as well as hiding from me before marriage that she was in a lesbian relationship for 6 years, before we got married. Shock on my end... and major trust issues, now we are getting counseling. Shortly after finding out, I came out and told my wife about my secret of loving to wear diapers... and she accepted me for it, but didn't understand it. 

Anyway.. we have seen the therapist once and will see her again, weekly... with the issues I am having with my wife.

But I have an idea my wife will mention the diaper fetish to them. I am not concerned with it... just want to know, who all has spoken with a therapist about their DL fetish?

Has anyone ever mentioned diaper wearing to a therapist and the therapist has understood the fetish, or has had other clients/cases with the same issue?

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I am single, however I am in therapy for different reasons & yes I did bring it up with a now former therapist who left ;'( & it went well, they were aware of it, I didn't make a big deal out of it, because as I made it clear, it is not a "problem" to me & I didn't & don't want to change it (the wearing diapers as a fetish that is). I don't know if they had other clients with the same issue. Good Luck in counseling, I wish you the best.

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2 hours ago, laughingmoose said:

Has anyone ever mentioned diaper wearing to a therapist and the therapist has understood the fetish, or has had other clients/cases with the same issue?

Mentioned it to a therapist? Yes. I've mentioned it to a number of therapists in both an individual (1 on 1) and couples session with my wife. It even came up with my ex before the divorce when I thought diapers were the issue and we were in therapy. But that was all before I found out she had been sleeping with her professor for months.

I have no idea if they had other clients like me... they certainly never said anything one way or the other. And I have no regrets from talking about it. 

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Counselling and Therapy are there to help you solve problems. If diapers aren't a problem they won't be focused on. And even if they are causing problems, it isn't the diapers where the problem is, it is in why they seem to be a problem. Nobody can help you if you're being dishonest with them. That doesn't mean that they have to know everything, just that you must be ready to explore everything to find and fix the problems which brought you there. I wasn't experiencing any ABDL thoughts or feelings when I was in therapy so we never discussed it directly, but we did go over my taking high on forever to become continent and how that affected me.

And you do need only someone you feel comfortable with, someone you know that you can and will be totally honest with, or it won't work as well as it should. Let them decide where the conversation will go so they can get to the root of the problems and start working on solving them with you. Notice I said"with you", not "for you", because the work to be done is yours, they are just there to direct you toward what needs to be done so you can end the problems and be happier in life thereafter.

Bettypooh

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When I was in marriage counseling with my wife wearing diapers was certainly brought to the Theripist's attention.  The problem was as a marriage counselor he did not have the understanding of fetishes like he did of how to constructively fight.  Once diapers came up he was in way over his head and it was apparent from the beginning.  His lack of understanding made me very hesitant to share things with him and I actually completely shut down during many sessions regarding my need for diapers.  I made it clear from the beginning that I was never going to stop wearing diapers and have kept that promise since.

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Thanks. I guess I am not really afraid of talking about it.. even though my whole life before a month ago.. I was the only person who knew about it, before I told my wife. 

I told her when I found out she was in a lesbian relationship for 6 years before she met me... and also that she emotionally cheated on me for a year and a half while she texted a guy 600 miles away she never met... so you can't imagine the shock I was going through when I found that out. I confessed about my secret.

I know it is a weird fetish. I know it's not "normal" but, not that I have told my wife... I do feel this HUGE weight lifted off my own shoulders. She deserved to know, especially if it's a part of who I am and it's what I like/enjoy. There is NOTHING wrong with it. It doesn't change the man I am (I am a masculine man) but I just love the feeling wearing a diaper gives me. Thank you!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Just wanted to send a update.
We are still going to counseling (I think it will be awhile there) We go weekly an hour a week (our work schedules and our 9 month old son this is really the best we can do) But we are doing good-- for the most part. It has NEVER came up in therapy and we have gone now 4 times... so I don't think it will (but possibly)
Just wanted to share my update. I still check this site now and then and thank everyone for their support and feedback! 
I still don't wear a diaper in front of her... or tried it in the bedroom again. I am still very embarrassed/nervous about it- even though she has told me a few times now, she "accepts" me for it! It's just strange. Plus... I should probably note- I am not a 24/7 wearer, or have any desire to wear 24/7. I only wear a few times a week now and then. Also it is very hot and humid here in the south, so that has something to do with it I am sure!
Many blessings!

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Ditto this :Crylol:

Always good to know how things are going which can help others get through similar problems. 

Have you asked your wife whether this is a subject which should be brought up? Many times we're simply too close to things to see the big picture clearly. Being that you feel shame over it, that's not a good thing for you or her or the relationship. I guess it's more a question of what the impact of this is between you two. Anything which affects either of you is going to have some effect on you both, and she has a equal part in the relationship so her thoughts on the matter need to be considered too. 

It can be embarrassing to discuss some things with someone who is essentially a stranger, but you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to end up with the strongest relationship possible with the fewest unresolved issues when the counselling is over. Make the fullest of the time you have while you have it.

My own time in therapy (single) proved to be most valuable to me in teaching me how to resolve my own issues on my own more than anything else it did for me. That keeps going long after my therapy has ceased, and you both deserve to benefit from your time getting assistance similarly. There will be issues in the future for life is full of issues. If you don't know how to resolve those issues they will become problems and you can certainly do without that.

Bettypooh

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If this is something you feel comfortable talking to your counsellor about then yes tell them if not don't. Just remember counsellors cannot fix your problems they can only guide you and help you come up with the right answers for you. It might take several sessions talking about anything else other than what you are therefore and this is because you need to feel completely comfortable with your counsellor. Always remember they are there to help you and not to judge.

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I’ve told numerous therapists about my love for diapers and everything that comes with it. I do have to say they all responded very professional not judgmental, no nothing. As a matter of fact they were all very supportive and most of them said if it makes you happy or if it makes you feel complete as it does in my case go for it, you’ll harm no one. And I feel this is so true as you only have one life to live.

 

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My last (and current) round with a therapist included full disclosure of my abdl because:

1. It is a significant coping mechanism for me.

2. I had been forcibly outed to my family by my ex wife.

3. I was subject to blackmail by my ex wife regarding my abdl.

4. It related in part to an autistic diagnosis.

My therapists wasn’t familiar with abdl and I found myself having to explain a lot to her, which was unfortunate, but not unpleasant or uncomfortable.  I actually found it extremely cathartic to be able to talk about it completely candidly with someone without judgement - particularly in light of the consequences of talking about it to my ex wife.

I admire ppl who can totally come out about it, but I don’t think I can do that.  However, the re-assertion that, if you are managing it within your financial means, if it is good for you and if it doesn’t hurt anyone else; it is ok was important.

The perameters of “hurting anyone else” can become blurred though.

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Hey there! Sounds like a good call... trust and open communication are crucial elements in any relationship.

My wife and I did a bout in couples counseling for about a year, and finished up earlier this year, and yes, the diapers came up pretty early in the process. Honestly, the thing the counsellor was most concerned about was the fact that I seemed to become very uncomfortable / ashamed when talking about my love of wearing diapers, and wanted to also make sure that our activities were balanced (so I'd do plenty of things to please my wife that she likes, and that I'd get my desires met as well). Long and short of it I got referred to some individual counseling with a wonderful therapist, and we've managed to work through the shame that I had around the fetish, and I'm much more comfortable in my own skin... So all in all it was a great thing for us (and my wife and I are closer, more connected, respectful and intimate then we ever were... and yes... the we have found a way to make my diapers, as well as her likes, fit into it all).

Years ago, I mentioned my fetish to another therapist (this was in the 90's) and long and short of it is the response was that my desired to be diapered was "inappropriate" and they suggested I do a form of aversion therapy to "overcome" this fetish. This felt wrong to me, so I terminated that relationship, but it's pretty amazing how much of an affect that had on me in terms of compounding the shame until recently... Also, I think we've come a long way, as a society, in terms of being sex positive, and accepting everybody's kinks / fetishes / desires on a much more wholesale basis (as long as they don't cause harm. I think there's been a big shift in therapy (and I know resources like the DSM have increasingly become kink / fetish positive) over the years.

So yeah, I'd vote that you should bring it up yourself even. If the therapist takes issue with diapers themselves, then I think you need to find another person to see. Otherwise, it shouldn't be a big deal at all... But pay attention to how you feel when you talk about it. Do you feel nervous? scared? ashamed? tense? There really is no need to be, but many people with fetishes like this need to let go a little. It's important that both people in a relationship are open, honest and trusting, and share their innermost desires (including fantasies) with each other. Kudos to you for starting the process, and good luck in repairing things yourselves!

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I've never been to a professional regarding incontinence and how I manage it. I've never really felt I've needed it nor can I explain it easily. For me it was easy. I became urinary incontinent and later on wanted to be fully incontinent. I've no regrets and am very happy with the outcome so talking to a professional that really has no understanding of this would become wasted money on my part. That being said there are others that want to know more about it and see someone regarding it. If that works well for you then please follow that path as it'll help your life be more complete.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My ex-wife and I did therapy about my diapers for a long time.  She never could accept it and it was used against me in the divorce.

I always bring it up with any therapist.  Whenever I start up with a new one.  I figure they can't help as well if they don't see the whole picture.

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Moose: You are several steps ahead of me,  although you are considerably younger.  I admire your courage.  Like so many others on this site, I empathize with your wrestling with shame learned from assumptions deeply imbedded in the culture and the knowledge bubbling up from one’s insides that this is only an element of a complex multifaceted humanity and just as “right” as any of the commonly accepted facets that are harmless to those around us.  Peace to you.  Now if I only had the courage to tell my wife of 35 years....

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I go to counseling and I'm totally upfront about my diaper wearing and she does not see it as an issue at all which is very comforting. She gets that it is part of who I am and because of that she has helped me with my confidence and self esteem in a major way. It's a great feeling when you wear your diapers and just know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The only downside is it is costing me more money because now I wear all the time!!! lol!! 

By the way, I'm not going to counseling about my diapers...I started seeing her when my ex and I started having issues in our marriage which is not diaper related at all. She started off as our marriage counselor and I just continued to see her after our divorce.

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Since the treatment i receive has the effect of lowering my sexual urges i did talk about wearing diapers but it wasnt a lot and was more so that i fully understood what would happen to stuff like fetishes and such.

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Question.... If you are seeing someone solely for wearing diapers I guess that begs the question why? Is it you want to understand the desire or ultimately do you want to give it up? If you want to give it up but it makes you feel good then why do you want to give it up? I cannot see where you are hurting anyone. Or does it in some cases? I'm not attempting to trash anyone but rather just attempting to understand.... I guess I have a little different opinion of them. Thanks in advance!

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28 minutes ago, incondl said:

Question.... If you are seeing someone solely for wearing diapers I guess that begs the question why? Is it you want to understand the desire or ultimately do you want to give it up? If you want to give it up but it makes you feel good then why do you want to give it up? I cannot see where you are hurting anyone. Or does it in some cases? I'm not attempting to trash anyone but rather just attempting to understand.... I guess I have a little different opinion of them. Thanks in advance!

In learning about this fetish, kink, whatever you want to want to call it i now understand that my love for diapers is just part of who I am and a fetish is not something you can change or just shut off and stop. It is much healthier to learn how to embrace it and if you are in a relationship where you cannot be yourself then you have a serious decision to make. But, there does have to be a healthy balance. I have heard it compared to eating. We all need to eat to survive and there are many that have eating disorders but they are obviously not told to stop eating for a month but instead learn to manage it properly. Since I have embraced my diapers I am so much happier and once I find a comapitble partner that will be icing on the cake!

 

 

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53 minutes ago, incondl said:

Question.... If you are seeing someone solely for wearing diapers I guess that begs the question why? Is it you want to understand the desire or ultimately do you want to give it up? If you want to give it up but it makes you feel good then why do you want to give it up? I cannot see where you are hurting anyone. Or does it in some cases? I'm not attempting to trash anyone but rather just attempting to understand.... I guess I have a little different opinion of them. Thanks in advance!

I don't tell anyone about my diapers as I wear just a couple mornings a week, but there can be may reasons to tell a therapist.  Some may feel shame that they like wearing diapers.  Some may wonder about the sexual desires and urges they get and the feelings they have over wetting diapers.  Some may want to understand those desires, some may want to give them up, some may be confused, some may have that shame, some may want advice on dealing with the feelings of a spouse or partner, some may want the acceptance and assurance of a professional that wearing diapers is OK.  There are lots of reasons someone may want therapy.  Maybe they want to find a better balance between diaper wearing and the rest of their normal life.  Maybe they feel their diapers are taking over too much and want to find suggestions to curtail them more.  While many people here have come to terms with their AB/DL lifestyle and are comfortable with were they are at, many others are not.  Think back when you first started to have the diaper desires and started to wear them.  Didn't you feel the shame, guilt and feelings that what you were doing was wrong?  I don't aim these comments at incondl, but at everyone here.  Over time lots of people come to terms and acceptance with their diapers and embrace that lifestyle.  It takes time for some people to get to that point, and until they do if ever, they may find counseling very helpful.  Also this.  You have gotten to that comfort point, but maybe you start a new relationship with someone who either doesn't understand it or is all over you to cut back on your diapers or change your lifestyle.  Counseling can help you find a way to deal with the situation, or even understand the feelings of the other person if possible.  Maybe a way to tell the other person it is doing no one any harm, maybe helping understand that the new relationship may not work out because of the differences you both have about you being in diapers, or even a way for you to offer a compromise, such as you cutting back on diapers some days and the partner allowing you your diaper time other days without saying anything.  I've never been to any therapist, but what I said seems to make since to me on why people would go to a psycologist to discuss their diaper wearing.

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  • 4 months later...

Been there, done that, even got the t-shirt. I was actually at one point forced by my folks to go to therapy over diapers and my ABDL side. I ended up seeing two different therapists over the course of my “treatment.” The first one was a little bit out there. She had me take a bunch of tests (one of which labeled me a pedophile, which is completely wrong) and suggested I do a lot of really odd things to try and correct my behavior. My parents and I ended up not going back to that one.

The second therapist I met with was for a much longer time period. He was more down to earth and traditional, not promoting me to do anything weird or outlandish, but still trying to get me to correct my ways. I even ended up in a group therapy over it with a few other gentlemen I assume had similar “problems,” if you want to call it that.

The therapy actually worked for a little while, and I left changed, but it wasn’t until a few months after completing therapy that I went right back to my ABDL tendencies. Needless to say, you really have to want to change in order for it to be effective. I didn’t really want to change, and so, here I am today, still padded and happy.

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