My Story

[mamabug]

So, even though I’ve been on here for over 2 years, I’ve never fully told my story. I told bits and pieces to people here and there, so a bunch of people probably have a general idea, but I’ve come to the realization that it’s important. For some reason, a lot of people don’t seem to understand how I came about this fetish and make it seem like I didn’t have my own personal struggles. I’ve gotten a lot of remarks that I didn’t have to worry about telling a partner that I wore diapers – because I don’t wear. Many times over the past 2 years, it made it feel like I was separate of ABDL then a part of it. So to kind of clear the air and get it out there – I want to share you my story.

First off, I know a lot of people know this, but I want to first state for people who may not know me as well, that this fetish is of my own. No one else brought me into this.

But anyway, my liking of diapers happened when I was a very young teen. My earliest memories are from when I was about 13 or 14 years old, and I would imagine putting my classmates (and even one teacher haha) into diapers. Now, at this point in my life, I really didn’t know anything about sex – and I was hitting puberty – so no sexual acts would follow the diaper changes, but it still was arousal for me.

There is where my struggles came. I was DEEPLY ashamed of myself. I would refuse to change my nephews and nieces diapers for the longest time, not because I was worried I would be “turned on” by it, but I felt disgusted at myself. I wouldn’t allow myself to THINK about it during the day, only during those alone times in the middle of the night – and I would instantly regret it afterwards.

I know a lot of people on here said they felt so alone because they were teenagers back when the internet wasn’t around or they couldn’t find people like them – well, guess what? I had the internet. I could have searched. I had my own computer. But, I didn’t.

That is how ashamed I was of this.

I honestly believed that if people found out, they would think I was some kind of pedophile. To this day I have to be cautious about who would find out, because, what if they took my daughter because of it?

Let’s go up to the point where people inform me that I might not understand telling partners about my fetish because I don’t wear diapers.

I pretty much how to tell vanilla guys that I dated, that I really liked changing adults in diapers and being called mommy….I wouldn’t call that easy to say. And although most of the reaction that I received was pretty positive (though none were interested in doing anything with me) one of my boyfriends was pretty weirded out by it at first and didn’t take it well – we didn’t bring it up for months later before he was more accepting of it.

I honestly didn’t start looking things up until I was about 20-21 years old, maybe even a little older. I don’t quite remember when I began to look up diaper stuff and eventually found and stalked DD, but I still was ashamed. Honestly, it wasn’t until a few years ago, were I FINALLY accepted who I am and no longer ashamed.

 

Sorry for this long and seemingly pointless post. I just felt like this needed to be said, and honestly, I should have posted this a long time ago. I’m sure not much will change. Most people won’t see this and will think that I didn’t have my struggles of acceptance.

But, it may help a little bit, and it’s still nice to kinda write it all out. After all, just because I’m a dom mommy and I don’t wear diapers – pretty much MOST of the feelings and struggles that ya’ll went through when younger about liking diapers, I had the same feelings. Just opposite sides of the same coin.

So thanks for reading (:

[Rockies Fan in Diapers]

Wow Bug that is quite a story. Not related to the struggles with diaper thing, however in my experience, once you have come into full acceptance of something (it could be anything that you are struggling to accept) for some reason, a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that just because you are in full acceptance of it, that means that you never struggled with accepting it. I guess this happens because unless someone knows you really well & asks you for your back story, there is so much that is unknown.

[Wannatripbaby]

You and I share quite a few sentiments. Particularly...

3 hours ago, mamabug said:

I honestly believed that if people found out, they would think I was some kind of pedophile. 

And I was afraid they might be right. A teenage boy who wants to change little girl's diapers is NOT NORMAL! And since I didn't really have a desire to wear diapers myself I didn’t feel like I fit into this community properly. It was only very recently that I started to finally understand my desires and see that CGs are perfectly acceptable roles in this community.

[AbabeBill]

I appreciate, and applaud what you had to say Mamabug. We all have our own demons, and internal struggles. Sometimes, even if explained, people don’t get them. Or, maybe they refuse to do so? I think, writing them out, can help. It allows you, to see yourself a bit differently, or more on a whole. You can kinda, frame things for yourself that way. This is one of the few places, you can do that, and it can fit in. Or, maybe just help you feel better about doing it. A good sounding board. 

I don’t know you, or what struggles you’ve been through. But, I know some of the feelings you speak of, and some of the same situations you can find yourself in, or have been through. There are lots of good ears here, and people who do suffer similar experiences. That’s why we gather here. Granted, not everyone, but like everything, or everywhere else, gotta take the good with the bad. 

So, be what you gotta be Mamabug, and what you want too!

Just some unworthy 2 cents worth, lol. 

[mamabug]

Thanks, everyone, nice to be able to (finally) get my story out there - though honestly, I'm not sure why I didn't before. I think a lot of it is because I don't wear diapers and I'm a mommy, so since I"m a "desirable" person to obtain in the community, so, therefore, I think some people put in a different 'category' than normal ABDL people. I have gotten several comments on things to make it seem like I haven't struggled the same as other people, or haven't faced similar difficulties, or whatever. So, this is just kinda a way for me to be like "Hey. I'm also ABDL and suffered to accept myself and had my own personal battles too!" 

 

[Wannatripbaby]

Anyone who thinks being a Mommy or Daddy is "Easier" than being a Little needs to go read bbykimmy's latest story Breaking the Girl. I feel like Most Littles tend to think that we CGs have the "pick of the litter" so to speak. But in some ways that makes it even harder for us to find someone that suits our needs and BtG illustrates that better than any story I've read to date.

[mamabug]

14 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Anyone who thinks being a Mommy or Daddy is "Easier" than being a Little needs to go read bbykimmy's latest story Breaking the Girl. I feel like Most Littles tend to think that we CGs have the "pick of the litter" so to speak. But in some ways that makes it even harder for us to find someone that suits our needs and BtG illustrates that better than any story I've read to date.

LOL I feel like a lot of people (sadly) think that way. Many times, I get questioned, "why are you here if you aren't looking for a little" (as if that is my only purpose in life haha) or "you can have whoever you want" because that means that I just want whoever. 

Even now when I have a boyfriend - they don't even seem to care or think I'm here because of him or I'm ABDL because of him - when no, we met on here, so I was ABDL way before I knew him and vise versa.

[:dlb]

everyone is different.  There's all sorts of origin stories out there and you don't have to wear diapers at all to be involved with the abdl or ageplay scene.  There's no right or wrong way to do it.  If you enjoy it and it doesn't hurt anyone then by all means keep on doing it.

[Qtip]

There's an origin for everyone on their drives and dislikes... why we are who or what we are.   The issue is hardly the way that we are, but rather the denial and walls we sometimes insulate ourselves behind that needs to be overcome, and to finally feel good about oneself.

[Bettypooh]

As I've noted many times before, the one bond we all have here is that we share an interest in diapers. That interest is different for every one of us, and we all will not fully understand each other but we can and should try. Diversity is a good thing and IMHO that is the main reason this site has a greatness which no other ABDL site can approach.  

So no problem with mamabug being here at all, and I'm glad she is 

Bettypooh

[Stroller]

20 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

So no problem with mamabug being here at all, and I'm glad she is 

Absolutely.  Me too.

[drynot]

I can remember those dark days before the internet.  Feeling like such a freak because I liked wearing and using diapers was not fun.  The DAY I first got the internet and looked up diapers and diaper fetish was such a wonderful time.

To this day the whole pedophile angle still gives me pause.  If some people discovered my stash and found not only medical grade diapers but ABDL diapers I'm sure they would immediately jump to horrible conclusions.  One of the worst aspects of society still is our ability to immediately assume the worst in others rather than giving benefit of the doubt.

[Comfortably diapered]

I think we all have felt or still feel the shamefulness that comes with liking diapers. I'm getting older and caring less what people really think. It makes me happy I got one life to live so I'm doing me! I'm glad alot more people are sharing their stories with each other. Thanks for opening up.

[mamabug]

I appreciate everyone's comment!  I do agree that each and everyone of us has felt some kind of shame for what we like, my point was some people think I have/had it easier, because I'm a mommy, which is why I shared my story - which shows that wasn't the case at all.

I am very glad to have joined DD, as it was one of the many reasons that helped me realize I wasn't alone and it was okay to be a weirdo that is into diapers  

 

 

[nonny]

Thanks for sharing this here @mamabug. I relate so intensely to the shame part of this as a teenager (pre-Internet in my case), and the gradual relief of shedding the shame into non-aloneness, that the 'mommy' (rather than AB or DL) side of your story feels easy to accept and hear.

We are all in this strange, damp, comforting boat together, whatever our individual variations. It doesn't seem any easier to me to tell someone you want to put them in diapers, see them in diapers, change their diapers, than the other way around.

I've still never told a partner face-to-face all of what I like (which is no different than what a lot of people here like). So I'm still not through all the layers of dealing with "being a weirdo that is into diapers." (Actually for me it started with wanting to wet my pants like a not-quite-potty-trained little boy.)

 

[Bettypooh]

As I always say, everyone is weird in their own way  It's just that we know and accept our own weirdness more readily than most do   Which should help us be more ready to accept the weirdness of others. To me that is one of the greatest positives that can be found in being ABDL.

Bettypooh