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Evil Lolita Club - Complete!


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35 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

I am unsure at how I feel about Adele being missing. Hopefully she will appear soon with a reason for being missing.

Okay but also, if you kidnapped a girl, electrocuted her, and turned her into your baby slave, then let her go, wouldn't you go missing?  I would 100% go missing. XD

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4 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Okay but also, if you kidnapped a girl, electrocuted her, and turned her into your baby slave, then let her go, wouldn't you go missing?  I would 100% go missing. XD

True, but I would also not kidnap someone who could easily identify me, take them to a place they clearly know and recognise and then let them go so they could tell the police :P

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6 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

True, but I would also not kidnap someone who could easily identify me, take them to a place they clearly know and recognise and then let them go so they could tell the police :P

O_O yes.  Good point.  Adele might not have thought this one through.

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36.)

The next Monday, I went back to classes.  It was rough at first, remembering how normal everything could be.  I had a lot to catch up on, and my evenings were spent isolated in my room with every door lock fastened.  But even without distractions, my mind kept drifting off.  Friday, I didn't have classes.  Usually I went to study groups or something, but I couldn't find the motivation.  I sat in my room and looked out the window at the billowing trees, shy of leaves.  Halloween had just gone by, sometime between my escape and my going back to school.  Now it was November.  I put my shoes on and decided to take a walk.  Where was I even going?  I didn't know.  Maybe college really wasn't for me anymore.  After everything with the Sweet Lolita Club... none of this really seemed that important anymore.  So I let my feet take me wherever they wanted.  I didn't even know, not consciously, where I'd end up until I did.  At the door of  the very club that held me hostage two weeks ago.

There was no movement from beyond the door, no sounds of life, as though the colorful signage on the door that read 'All are welcome who value beauty' had somehow lost its saturation in the same way Bess had. Eventually, someone came and answered - a solitary face with a strong, but forced, smile. Kanna. "Oh hello Bess... you can come in if you like, but I'm afraid it would just be the two of us."

I stood outside the frame for a long time.  I remembered when I escaped through the window and the proximity shock kicked in.  I remembered passing out in the bushes.  If I walked in again, what would stop Kanna from putting that collar on me again?  I pulled out my phone and checked the timestamp to my parents.  Four hours.  I had to text them again soon.  Deep breath... and I took a step over the threshold and into the common room.

The table was setup for tea, but there was nobody else but Kanna, as she'd promised. Bless her soul, she did her best, she was dressed up just as lovely as could be, but the worry in her face was hard to hide. "Would you like some tea? I might need to put on a fresh pot, it's been a while since I made that one. I hoped maybe if I made tea that people would come, but nobody did."

"So Adele's...?" Kanna shrugged her shoulder and went to put on another pot of tea. "No, it's fine.  Don't trouble yourself." There was no chance that I'd drink anything in this room ever again.  I looked over at the beanbag chairs, at the projector screen on the far wall... everything seemed weirdly dull in color.  Like the room had different lightning. "Um... Marnie said the club was... sort of drifting apart.  Are you the only one still...?"

"Oh no! No, no, the boys come by, and Caramel was here earlier, and..." Kanna was trying, she really was. "I think everybody wants to come to the club, but when they get here, it doesn't feel the same, so they leave?"  Despite the protest, Kanna did brew some more tea, though she only poured it for herself. "How about you, Bess? How are you doing?"

"That's a stupid question," I said harshly, taking a seat at the table in the middle of the room. "I was taken in the middle of the night, locked up here for almost a week, and made to dress like a fucking--" I stopped myself and looked up at Kanna.  She wouldn't make eye contact.  I crossed my arms and pouted. "...I've been better."

"Is that why you're here? Are you looking for Adele, maybe hoping to give her a piece of your mind?" There was no judgment in Kanna's voice, but she was distant in her gaze, avoidant even. "I couldn't blame you, I'm not sure how things went down at the end there, but you two must have had a pretty bad fight, huh?"

"...I don't know why I'm here," I told her honestly, looking down at my feet. "Maybe I'm angry at her and I just want to yell.  Or maybe... not.  I'm not sure." Adele really was gone then?  But where would she go?  I wondered about her room.  I wondered about her diapers.  I wondered if Kanna knew.  I should tell her.  I should humiliate Adele like she humiliated me.  But I didn't say anything...

It took Kanna a very long time for her to slide the note across the table, like she was shy to do so, like she was embarrassed or otherwise knew she'd regret it. But it had an address on there, written in writing far too pretty. "Look, I don't know where Adele is, but maybe if you look you'll find her." It was an address off campus, a little flat above a bar; something nobody else in the club even knew about - because it was Adele's official address.

An address?  I took the little note and turned it over, but there was nothing else written on the scrap of paper.  I glared at Kanna and balled up the piece of paper. "If you want to find her, you go do it.  I don't give a fuck."

"If Adele wanted to contact us, she'd have done it." Her smile had dulled now, going cold like the tea was; quickly and unavoidably. "I found some of your clothes and laundered them, the ones you were wearing when you first arrived? They're on Adele's bed if you'd like to collect them on your way out.”

"Whatever," I got up from the table a little too fast and the chair fell backward onto the carpet.  I walked past Kanna and down the hall to Adele's room with all the grace of a wrecking ball.  When I was finally standing between Adele's bed and her dresser, I stopped, sighed, and looked at the balled up piece of paper in my hand.  Was this really where she was...?  Was this just another trap...?  I picked up the clothes off the bed and paused at the dresser.  Just for the hell of it, I pulled at the drawer with the diaper covers, but it wouldn't budge.  Locked.  So it really was a secret, huh?  Ha...

"I'm going to be here a little while longer, just in-case anybody else comes by, so you're welcome to stay if you like... or come back?" Kanna hadn't gotten up from the table, though.  She hadn't moved from where she was sitting for the entire time that Bess had been in Adele's room. Someone had to keep the light on, but it seemed at least for now, the fire in the hearts of the sweet lolita club was all but an ember now.

I paused at the doorway and sighed, looking back at Kanna.  She looked... sad.  Had this stupid club really meant so much to her?  What about all the others?  Kanna was a weird person, because I almost broke her nose the day I met her and she still seemed amicable to me.  So I thought to ask... "Do you blame me for all this?  Is it my fault?"

"You can't blame a storm for your house blowing down, Bess, the storm would have happened one way or another." It was a vague answer, but at least it seemed sincere. "Sometimes things happen, and they seem bad, but life has a way of working out... sometimes bad things happen for good reasons, sometimes bad experiences springboard into life changing growth. And sometimes... a duck is just a duck."

"Sort of a non-answer, if you ask me." But Kanna didn't elaborate, so neither did I.  I closed the door behind me and walked home.  Who would have thought... after all that time and effort, the club was finally falling apart.  And was it by my hand?  No.  It was Adele's.  I thought she loved her members?  I thought she wanted to make a happy, safe place for them.  And now she's giving it all up because she did the right thing and actually let me go free?  Seriously, what a bitch.  I looked down at my pocket, where the scrap of paper with the address was sitting.  Maybe I wanted to give her a piece of my mind after all...

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1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

36.)

The next Monday, I we

"Sort of a non-answer, if you ask me." But Kanna didn't elaborate, so neither did I.  I closed the door behind me and walked home.  Who would have thought... after all that time and effort, the club was finally falling apart.  And was it by my hand?  No.  It was Adele's.  I thought she loved her members?  I thought she wanted to make a happy, safe place for them.  And now she's giving it all up because she did the right thing and actually let me go free?  Seriously, what a bitch.  I looked down at my pocket, where the scrap of paper with the address was sitting.  Maybe I wanted to give her a piece of my mind after all...

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Wow even in the aftermath it's like a train wreck and I can't look away.

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2 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Wow even in the aftermath it's like a train wreck and I can't look away.

I don't think Bess knows why she was there, whether she'll go see Adele and is she were to go, what would happen. But YourFNF said where Bess may be right now. She feels she was in her own personal train wreck (which is actually mildly putting it) and now she's looking at the Lolita Club and realize how big the whole train wreck really was.

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37.)

It didn't seem like the kind of place Adele would live, or associate with - from the outside it didn't even look like there was room for an upstairs flat, but after asking at the bar, Bess was pointed to a door in back, barely visible through the smoke of vaping hipsters. A door that opened to a skinny stairwell, more like an attic entry than an upstairs, but at the top of the narrow ascent there was a door and although knocking on the door elicited no response at all, the announcement of who it was that was knocking certainly seemed to cause movement from inside.

I checked my phone's GPS at least ten times.  We were about half an hour off campus at some low-key bar in the middle of nowhere.  The place was crowded, but mellow.  Quiet for a bar.  I thought I had the wrong place until I asked the bartender.  Why was she here of all places?  I knocked on the door at the top of the stairs and sighed. "Adele?  It's Bess."

There was movement, then a long pause. Then movement again, and finally the sound of locks being opened. I cracked the door enough to talk, but didn't let her see me - honestly, I looked awful, with my hair a mess, and wearing jeans and a blouse of all things. "Are you alone?"

"Uh.  Yeah.  And if you try to kidnap me again, let it be known.  I already have Marnie and my parents on standby.  If I don't text in an hour, they'll call the police." Was that excessive?  Probably.  But I was taking precautions this time.  I wasn't falling for any tricks.

"Do you often come to peoples homes and then warn them about kidnapping you?" My tone was dry and humorless, because despite the fact I missed that stupid girl, I'd spent the intervening time trying to convince myself not to.

"Listen, I don't have to stay.  You don't even have to open the goddamn door.  I'm just here to tell you that you're being a fucking baby about this.  Look at me.  I was the one that got electrocuted and had to shit herself, but I'm still going to school.  And you leave your club all alone, that you care so damn much about?" Actually, I didn't give a damn about the Sweet Lolita Club.  The whole place could burn down for all I cared.  So why was I here?

"They'll be fine without me, Bess. So will you. So just... go home, okay? Go back to school and enjoy your best friend.  You won, alright? You got what you wanted." I went to push the door closed, but she wedged her foot into the opening to stop me. Ugh. So dramatic..

Ow. "Fuck you, you don't know anything okay!" I was emotional.  I wasn't supposed to get emotional.  I was angry and I just wanted to yell at her.  But... this... wasn't what I expected.  Honestly, I'd imagined this scenario every which way.  And this didn't even cross my mind.  So I removed my foot from the door and shook my head. "Fine.  I'll go.  'Cause this is just pathetic.  You're pathetic.  At least when you were being a total psycho, you actually faced your problems.  Now you're just hiding away?" Why did I even come here?  And why was I so... disappointed. "I never knew you were so boring." And I walked back down the stairs.

"Don't you speak to me that way." I'd opened the door, and stepped out of the little flat, my hand grabbing her shoulder at the top of the stairs and pinning her against the wall. I didn't look my best, no, but something she said sparked something in me and I held her there, hands on her hips. But not forceful... more... playful, like kittens wrestling. "I said don't you speak to me that way, Bessie."

I looked up at her, two steps above me, so she towered over me in even more unrealistic proportions.  And my stomach... well, it didn't feel bad.  It sure didn't. "You look terrible," I told her, pulling myself away from the wall and almost tripping down the stairs.  Her hand caught mine at the last second, pulling me back into balance.  Welp.  That was weird...

"I've seen you look worse." I reminded her and held her there.... and then one hand touched her hair, and I scolded her playfully. "Your hair feels like straw - are you still using that awful combination shampoo conditioner I found in your bathroom?"

"How are you lecturing me right now?  Fuck, you're weird." Whatever it was that was missing since I ran from the Sweet Lolita Clubroom, it had come back.  And I knew Adele had something to do with it. "Listen.  I know you wanna do your whole Phantom the Opera hide-away-in-a-skeezy-bar side-story bullshit, but... I think like... Kanna sort of needs you?  And maybe other people.  Probably."

"Yes, it's definitely altruism, that's why you're here, right?" It was weird, because I'd had absolute power over her for almost a week, I could do anything I wanted with her, and yet this moment of spontaneous contact, this...unpredictability... my heart was racing. And I could feel that hers was, too.

"Hey, I just wanted to come and yell at you.  You deserve it." She nodded her head.  At least we agreed on that. "So like... get over yourself." Was I saying I wanted Adele back at school?  Honestly, the whole campus was probably safer without her.

She could have pulled away by now, but she didn't. She talked in one direction, but her body stayed against the wall. "You can come in for half an hour, but then you have to go, or else your little pep squad will get worried about you." I put my finger to her lips and shushed her, then touched her cheek. "I have no power over you but what you give."

"I... I really can't.  I've got studying to do and stuff..." And to be really honest, I couldn't be alone with Adele.  Even now, alone in this staircase, with dozens of people downstairs, I was anxious.  I was... scared.  I turned and went down two stairs before Adele called after me: "It wasn't supposed to go like that!  I got carried away..." I sighed and crossed my arms, looking up at her from the bottom of the steps. "We can talk about it later," I muttered, maybe too quietly for her to hear.

"Bring your binky. And sushi," I said back, although she was at the bottom of the stairs and I was at the top, "next time you come over." I didn't know why I thought she'd come back, but it felt like it was okay to give her a direction for when she did, like we had some unwritten dynamic that neither of us really understood. I didn't let her answer, I maintained my authority, and went back into the flat, closing the door.  Two goddamn minutes with her and she was already on my nerves again.  How did anyone piss me off so... perfectly?

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30 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

37.)e over." I didn't know why I thought she'd come back, but it felt like it was okay to give her a direction for when she did, like we had some unwritten dynamic that neither of us really understood. I didn't let her answer, I maintained my authority, and went back into the flat, closing the door.  Two goddamn minutes with her and she was already on my nerves again.  How did anyone piss me off so... perfectly?

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Oh shit Bess hasn't gone full Stockholm has she?

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Well hot damn. That sure throws a twist into things. Can't wait until we get to delve deeper into Bess' mind and see what is really ticking in there. Perhaps I am being a bit forward but I am going to guess that there will be more assess in diapers before this story is done

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14 hours ago, thedman said:

Well hot damn. That sure throws a twist into things. Can't wait until we get to delve deeper into Bess' mind and see what is really ticking in there. Perhaps I am being a bit forward but I am going to guess that there will be more assess in diapers before this story is done

:angel_not: You'll have to wait and find out!

New chapter today, I promise. ^_^ 

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38.)

"You're in a good mood." Comparatively speaking - there was no such thing as happy Bess nowadays, but she semed less... sour. And they were eating together in a place that wasn't her dorm room, and Bess hadn't told Marnie she was awful at all. From across the diner table, Bess even stole a fry from her plate.

"I am?  I dunno.  Maybe." I didn't really notice a shift in my mood, but I was getting my homework done a lot faster and classes were easier to pay attention to.  It was Monday night and I still hadn't taken Adele up on her offer.  Honestly... I wasn't really sure I could.  Be alone with her again?  Every time I thought about it, I wanted to throw up. "You still haven't mentioned anything about Adele." I shrugged. "I figured she would have come back by now."

"Maybe." Marnie shrugged her shoulders, before continuing, "maybe it's like with ghosts, where she has to tend to unfinished business first? I don't know why you don't just give me the address and let me come with you, or at least you know... let me come hang out at a nearby coffee shop or something." Not that Marnie at all endorsed her best friend seeing Adele again, but there was pros and cons; maybe Adele wasn’t the only one with unfinished business.

"I don't want to go back," I said plainly.  Honestly. "I went there once.  That was hard enough.  Can't she just get over herself and go fix her fucking mistakes instead of hiding away in some back-alley bar?" My general disposition about the topic of Adele always shifted between bored and outright pissed.

"I don't know, maybe you should ask her?" And then, uncharacteristic of Marnie, "I mean you improved a lot after giving her a piece of your mind, and maybe you'd never have progressed without that." Then again. "Maybe you're right, though, maybe she needs to just get over it. Kanna texted me, asked if I wanted to come to the club and hang out, but the idea of just her and me and nobody else... it seems so depressing."

"I can go." I felt like the whole restaurant went silent, but it was just Marnie and me.  I looked up from my phone at her, with her mouth agape. "What?" "You... want to go to the Lolita Club?" "Sure, why not?" Honestly, after seeing what a monster Adele was in her frilly little girl dresses, my association with weakness had completely broken.

"Uh, okay." And then, as an afterthought, "Maybe you should let Adele know that, knowing you're at the club could get her out of her rut, you know? Not that I think you care, but you're a good person and maybe.... yeah, iono, forget it." Marnie rubbed the back of her hair sheepishly.

"Adele can do whatever she wants.  If she wants to sulk for the rest of her life, then she can go right ahead." That was the end of it.  I didn’t have any pity for Adele.  If anyone deserved to be pitied, it was me!  I wasn’t going back to that apartment.  It was... probably just too much for me. "I got class in the morning.  I'll see you tomorrow at the club room then?"

"See you there." Honestly, Marnie wasn't a part of the club anymore, but she still had some nice dresses, and maybe it would be nice to set some positive memories there, even if it was only her and Kanna and Bess and nobody else. Things were finally starting to feel normal-ish again.

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What has come over Bess? I wouldn't consider it Stockholm Syndrome. It seems to me that in spite of the extreme treatment there were bits and pieces of that week spent at the Lolita Club that filled an unknown and unrecognized need in Bess. It seems like she's still processing that meeting with Adele at her apartment; I don't think either of them were at all prepared for the meeting, not much if anything was said that was their own truth and neither of them understood where any of it came from.

Now for Beth to decide to go back into that club space - physically but with the risk of being there emotionally as well... WOW! Just WOW! I do think that slowly, some self understanding is developing and I can't wait to see what the end results are!

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We need more random meting places with Adele, a boarding house, a place on an army bases, and the Enterprise in orbit.  They get to  the meeting coordinates and fwoosh they get transportered and Kirk locks them all in a meeting room until they work it out.

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5 hours ago, Sarah Penguin said:

We need more random meting places with Adele, a boarding house, a place on an army bases, and the Enterprise in orbit.  They get to  the meeting coordinates and fwoosh they get transportered and Kirk locks them all in a meeting room until they work it out.

That is absolutely the way they need to solve their problems. :o 

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39.)

I sat on the stairs down the hall from the club room and turned the little bottle over in my hand, again and again.  Even standing this close to that room, it made me so nervous.  But I'd done it once before.  I told Marnie I'd be here.  I took one of the pills from the bottle and put it in my mouth, then made my way to the club door.

Marnie was there, and it was her that opened the door, dressed up for the first time in a while now if her sweet lolita attire, a new coord she'd put together to try and wow her best friend - she looked like a literal cupcake, complete with a giant cherry on a headband on her head, offset to one side. "Hey Bess!"

"...hey," I said flatly, looking more annoyed than impressed.  They were just clothes, I reminded myself.  Grow up. "You look... sweet." She did, technically.  I let myself in and found Kanna pouring fresh tea.  The room looked a little brighter.  Maybe that was the weather.

"Oh hey Bess! I didn't think we'd see you back here, but that's not to say it's not a welcome surprise." If Kanna was resentful of the fact that Bess had been an associating factor in Adele's disappearance, she didn't show it. "Come in," Marnie smiled at her best friend. Some stuff made sense to her now, like the foul smell that Adele had blamed on a skunk... it was obviously Bess, right? And that meant Adele had covered for her. Things like that made Marnie think.

I sat and looked down at the tea, at my reflection staring back. "You aren't thirsty?" "Uh... no thank you." As a matter of fact, I was very thirsty.  But I wasn't drinking anything a club member prepared for me. "Do you want to dress up?" Kanna asked. "No thanks." "Why not?" "I just... don't."

"What's the worst that could happen?" Marnie encouraged her. "It's not like Adele's gonna jump out and hurt you. You wanted to come down here with me, right? Maybe you could just go look, see if there's anything you'd wanna wear? We can wait here, if you want?"

I gave Marnie a hard look and she gave one back.  Was she serious?  But why not?  It was just clothes, right?  Adele thoroughly destroyed me wearing frilly shit like that.  So why couldn't I?  I wasn't weaker for doing it.  I was just as strong... right?  I sighed and nodded my head, getting up from the table.

There was a lot of eeriness in the club room - Adele's bedroom was left the way it had been, with no visitors, and even the closet and bathroom seemed to have gained a very thin layer of dust, like they were frozen in time despite the fact that the girls who did still come here were obviously using both. It was like a ghost house, in its own way.

I propped open the closet door with a trunk before even stepping foot in the closet.  I'd been locked in here before, and I had no intention of letting it happen again.  I turned on the light and walked in, slowly, nervously.  I ran my fingers against the dresses.  So many textures.  So many colors.  I was shaking... damnit.

It was never uniform - one dress could look as chaotic and different from another - but there was still a sense of 'theme' to everything, like certain colors or fabrics or styles weren't allowed and what was left qualified as sweet lolita. Dresses hung in concurrent racks, but there were little cubbies with shoes, too, drawers full of accessories. It was strange to think that this was all here, because that meant it all belonged to Adele... but she lived in a tiny little hovel above a bar. It seemed conflicting.

I finally picked out a mint-green dress with a built-in petticoat and took off my top.  I could do this.  It was clothes.  The longer I hesitated, the more I feared it, the bigger the hold my dad still had on me.  Now that was a motivational tool.  I fumbled in my jacket pocket for the pill bottle and took one more.  Then, with a concerted effort, I pulled the dress down over my head and laced up the front.

There were squeals, mostly from Kanna, a few subdued giggles from Marnie who knew better than to be over-the-top with it, but both of them girls seemed thrilled to see Bess when she came out, clad in the mint green dress. "Oh you are just darling..." Kanna gushed, approaching while she talked, investigating the dress. "Did you want to make it a proper coord? We can pick out some accessories to go with it?"

"Touch me and I'll kill you," I said with so much irritation that Kanna physically recoiled.  I had put on white tights and the stupid dress, but I'd avoided shoes and hair crap.  I felt like I was five years old again.  Worse yet, I looked the part with my small stature.  It was suddenly abundantly clear why I hated the Sweet Lolita Club: because Sweet Lolita Bess looked like a child.

"I think you look great," Marnie offered, trying a different route, "like an elegant princess, days before becoming queen. Very mature and ladylike, I'd say." Kanna looked skeptical at the praise, because "mature" was one thing the mint green girl did not resemble, but she didn't argue.

"Whatever." I sat down and looked at my hands.  At the sleeves of the dress.  At my feet clad in white tights.  I felt so sick... "Um... so.  What does the Lolita Club do anyway?  Just dress up and drink tea?" I was here for Marnie, I reminded myself.  Hold it together.

"Well we do a lot of stuff.  We do sit and drink tea, but we also take in Japanese culture, run fundraising events, we cook twice per week, and we have eight conventions per year we try to make it to,” Kanna explained. Marnie added: "We also go to the children’s hospital once a month and hang out with the kids there."

"That's a lot of work, huh?" Kanna nodded her head and sipped her tea.  I looked around the quiet room.  Not even the twins came?  Or what about Caramel?  "Well... how many... convention things did you go to this year?"

"We went to seven, we were supposed to go to one this weekend coming but without Adele I don't think that's likely." Kanna’s voice sounded sad, a little defeated, but she did her best to try and not sound like she was assigning blame. "It's in Dallas, and the club pays for the trip," Marnie explained, "I think the idea of not going is a lot of why people have been distant; everybody was looking forward to it."

"How do you afford a bus to Dallas?" "Fundraising usually," Marnie said. "Seems like a waste of money," I sighed, putting my head on my arms to hide as much of the stupid dress as I could.

"Maybe, but it's how we network with other clubs, and when we really get to try out our new coords - it's like... stress relief for college, right? Adele requires a 3.5 or higher maintained for club membership, because she thinks education is super important, so our conventions are like a reward for that." Marnie looked more forlorn than Kanna, maybe because the more Kanna talked about it, the more Marnie realized she wouldn't get to go on her first trip.

"Why don't you go anyway, then?" "It's not that easy," Kanna pouted. "Well you don't need Adele to have a good time.  If she wants to sulk in her dreary TV hideaway, let her.  In the meanwhile, we can go to this lolita club thing."

"I don't think so - Adele was the treasurer of the club." Truthfully, Adele actually financed most everything; the fundraising events were mostly to teach the club members responsibility, and to some degree they all knew that. Which begged the question; who was Adele, and why was she so flush?

"Then we'll have a fundraiser.  It can't be that expensive to rent a bus.  Or fuck it - we can take my car." It seated five comfortably, but there were only three of us anyway.  Maybe Caramel would want to come. "So we just need money for tickets." Were these girls inept or something without Adele?  How embarrassing.

"You really want to go, huh?" Marnie smiled, and Kanna added, "you know that you'll be in full coord attire, in public, around thousands of people, right? And we usually run a panel, so you'll be the center of attention."

"...wait, why?  I'm not running anything.  I'm not even dressing up.  But I'll go.  And obviously this thing is important to you guys, right?  I just mean... if you want something, you should go for it.  You know?" Anything but pouting in this club room all day.

"If you're coming, you need to participate, it's club rules - everybody participates, nobody teases, we're family." She put her sandwich down and sighed, shaking her head. "I'm afraid without Adele, it's just not the same, though. Thank you for the passion and interest, Bess, you're a sweetheart."

Seriously, what was Adele's problem?  Why was she acting like such a bitch?  I sat down on one of the beanbags and Kanna put on a TV show in Japanese with subtitles.  I tried to pay attention, but reading and watching TV at the same time was really hard.

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Whoa! Bess! Not at all surprised that you went to the Lolita Club, since you feel guilt for it's (at least temporary) collapse even though outwardly you want to blame Adele - who does deserve that blame. But I'm blown away that you allowed yourself to go into Adele's room, actually go in that closet and wear something. Sure it's for your best friend and some for the sympathy you feel for Kanna, but that dress represents so much trauma for you.

1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

 The longer I hesitated, the more I feared it, the bigger the hold my dad still had on me.

 OK... you are sensitive about your size, putting the dress on makes you feel especially small... and it's driven to a great extent by "the hold my dad still had on me." So, somehow, we have to dig into that, understand it and let's its effect slip away. 

So, Kirk, where are you when we need you? Can you work wonders on the hold Bess's dad has on her? I really think that's the starting point and then from there, maybe she and Adele can be locked in a room...

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40.)

Maybe it was the food, maybe it was the association with the beanbag, or the TV show she couldn't follow, but at some point Bess must have fallen asleep because when she came to, the club room was dark, and she was alone. Well. Mostly alone. I was sitting at the table, reading by lamplight.

Panic hit me like a train.  I fumbled to my feet and backed up into the wall.  My hand hit a vase on the table and I screamed louder than I'd ever screamed, knocking the vase off the table and straight to the floor, where it shattered.  My heart was racing.  I couldn't breathe...

"I'm sorry, didn't you call me dramatic for taking some time away?" I sighed and stood up, approaching the girl and yawning as I looked her up and down. "You look so cute, Bessie, did you pick that out all by yourself?" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the left, away from the broken vase on the floor. "You almost stepped on that, you dummy, do you have any idea how much that would have hurt? You'd have needed stitches, you have to be more careful."

I fumbled for my footing as Adele grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side.  I looked up at her, at her face, and around the dark room in a panic.  I couldn't breathe... water welled up under my eyes.  Instinctually, I shoved her off me and wrapped my arms around myself.  Door.  Door...

"Calm. Down." I reached for her, caught her, and picked her up in my arms despite the squirming. And when I carried her, it was only to the light switch to turn it on. "I'm not here to hurt you, okay, I just came back to get a change of clothes and saw you asleep on the beanbag." I put her down on the table and sighed, looking away from the panicking girl and muttering. "I just wanted you to be safe."

"Yeah because waking up in a dark room with you makes me feel really fucking safe!" I kicked her in the stomach and fell backwards onto the table, struggling for air.  Too familiar.  Too many thoughts running through my head.  My chest ached.

I slapped her cheek. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to shock her. "Look, I get it, I fucked up okay?  I did some selfish shit and I know it’s messed up." I breathed in and put my hands on her cheeks... how was I supposed to explain this? "If I wanted to do that again, I could have done it while you were asleep and you know that. I just..." How to put this... "the way you looked at me, in the hall outside my flat, when I pushed you to the wall? I know you liked that, alright, I just know, and if you lie to me now you're just lying to you."

"Fuck you..." We were right back to square one, weren't we.  Her telling me how I felt and me cussing her out.  I shoved her away again and curled my knees to my chest, trying to steady my breathing.  And I think Adele actually started to worry. "Do you want me to go?" she asked.  I shook my head and pointed to the hallway. "Coat.  In the closet."

I didn't argue with her, I fetched her coat, and I wrapped it around her. "I'd like it if you stayed... I'm sorry I get... pushy, like that? I'm trying to be better, you know?"

I reached into the pocket and pulled out the tiny orange bottle.  I took off the top with shaking hands and put one of the pills on my tongue.  I didn't have any water, but I could swallow it just fine.  I wouldn't feel better for fifteen or twenty minutes.

She held the bottle in her hand, clutched tight like a baby with a toy, and once she took the pill she started to cry, like she'd been holding back the levy the whole time. I wrapped my hand around hers, and forced a sidewards smile. "I guess I fucked you up, huh? Come on, you can lay in my room if you want? The door has a lock from the inside, so you'll be safe from me there?" Not that she had any reason to trust me.

I shook my head and pulled my hand back from her, tucking the little pill bottle back into my coat pocket.  I thought I could do this, but waking up here, in the dark, and her... and... I felt so pathetic.  I was crying and it felt so pathetic...

I didn't really know what happened, or where it came from. I didn't slap her again, though; I sat on the chair adjacent to the table and I pulled her down into my arms, but this time instead of force, I was simply firm, a mixture of protectiveness and tenderness. Like she was my baby. I pulled her into my arms and held her, and in a show of trust probably more than I'd ever shown anybody, I put my hand on her cheek... and my thumb in her mouth. "There's my brave girl, it's okay, nobody's going to hurt you..."

My pacifier was the only thing that ever calmed me down nowadays.  So when Adele put her thumb to my mouth, I took it between my lips instantly and started to suck.  And miraculously, it really helped.  I curled up in her lap and sucked her thumb with my eyes closed for a minute - or ten, it was hard to tell - and my anxiety started to ebb away.

There were a lot of things I regretted in my life, and until that moment I thought falling for this girl was one of them. But it wasn't... the associated regret was doing what I'd done, which had almost certainly burned my bridges with her, even though paradoxically I would never have felt anything for her without having done it. I cradled her, and she sucked my thumb, and I wondered... where we went from here.

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4 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

This is getting interesting to me.  Will they have a relationship?

See!!  We got through the bad stuff and now we get to the interesting psychology! :D 

I'm glad you're enjoying it.  I think this story has a pretty cool conclusion and I'm really happy some people are actually going to make it there. *nods*

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30 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

and now we get to the interesting psychology!

I'm all in for that.  My first relationship was based on some interesting psychology....  maybe this will explain it.  LOL

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We'll see if this lasts, but it's like the whole experience has awakened the Little in Bess that she was pushing away with her inital tirade against the lolita club... she hated the idea of anyone being a Lolita as a defense; otherwise she'd have slid into it. Some of it was created - or maybe just brought out - during her captivity. Hmmm... I wonder if she might end up being grateful that all of this happened to her.

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