The Fantasy Became Fear

[wulfcub420]

     I am very afraid to look in my mirror now that i  am  alone  again.  I have  fallen back into the same bad patterns as before. I know he is just waiting for eye contact now that i put it out of my head and became a grown up again.

 

     lets take you back,  i am 36 years old and i have had a sexual and emotional need to be regressed in a specific way for a long time  now.   This is an old story,   my story.   Recently i some how developed an emotional  hole  in my heart  and in my soul.  i was hurting it was dangerous i didn't know  what to do about it i didn't even  know  why  i had it.   i realized  i couldn't  fill my usual  void  through my  usual  methods,   but as i was trying  to do that very thing i glanced in the mirror  like i always do to  see myself using my usual  means to get turned on  like i do and i saw the sadness on my face.  and i touched my hand to the mirror and i told myself its too bad you couldn't  help  me. 

     Later  that  night as i lie awake  in bed  battling  my insomnia  and  rolling all my thoughts around  i thought  back to that.   i  began  to think  it wouldn't  be  fair  for  just the  same  me  to come out of the  mirror  i mean  he  could  fulfill my  needs but i would  have  a  hard  time  fulfilling his  and  then  to  think  about it  more  he  would  have  a  hard  time  fulfilling  my  needs  cuz  he  is  me too. So  i  thought  that  would  never  work  but  what if  the mirror  showed a  parallel  world.   like  a  bizaro  world  where  things  were  opposite  but still the same  so like  the me  there  would  be  a top  and  a  dom.  mind  you  problematically he could  also  be a jerk tho.  so  things  like  this  are  how  i expand  a thought,   and  it gets  deeper,  but lets  start to pick up the pace  slightly.

 

    the next  day i was filming videos of myself partaking in these  methods of  filling my  void  to share with others into the same  thing.   i saw  myself  in the  mirror from the  back as well as on the  video  display i felt like i was being  watched  from  behind  and watching  somebody  else from  behind.   my  video feed  and  mirror  had  created  a loop and i thought of  what i said.   now it almost looked like it was becoming real.  i started to lose myself in the fantasy wishing it was true .  i started  to play  like  i do.    i  come  up  with unpleasant  sounding things that  i want and i ask  myself as if  ii were  myself  and  my  dom,   "daddy do i have to  ?",   than i eenie meenie miney moe  to decide to do it or not.  so  now  with this  fantasy  in  my  mind i started  using the  mirror  to look  at  and  ask.

 

   i eventually got into to  doing that  but i still was empty.  i started  begging  for the man in the mirror to  save  me.  i even tried to pretend like i was doing summoning spells and  mind over  matter tricks  and things.  as my hole grew ever deeper  i started to fall into  bad patterns and taking risks and then  i caught his eye.   in my mind he ordered me with no  eenie meenie miney moe  and i complied .  i felt something  a little more alive perhaps.   i  began  to  give into that  fantasy  further i started  truly  imagining  the consequences  the long talks.    i even started feeling better  he let me off my punishment cuz i had to get back into my normal life.  but during  my normal life tho i experienced the same joys as before  i still had  some of the  emptyness that has gotten out of hand  lingering  and i fell right back into the same  bad patterns this  time during the usual joy this time it really has gone too far  

 

i am very afraid to face my daddy in the mirror now but i cant bear not to look any longer.   the tingles up my spine feel like i am being screamed at ordered to come to it.   i must be going  now i must look.   in case i don't get out of this alright i am writing this  here.    i brought this  on  my self  i deserve it  its time  for me  to face it.   one  more  parting  word  before i go,  a warning to you  i know  it is  cliche but you have  to  believe  me.   be  careful  what  you wish  for  it may not  be  what  you desire  at  all.   good bye.   

[CDfm]

I thought this was interesting. You definitely need to be alert when reading this. I was tired the first time I read it and it made no sense at all. I just read it again and it makes much more sense now.