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My boyfriend likes to wear diapers


2cutesnoop

Question

Alright. so i’m really new to this and i literally made this account less than 20 minuets ago because i really do not know what to do. before i start i just want to say i do not mean to offend anyone with anything that i say, what i’m going to be stating is my opinions.

My boyfriend and i have been dating for quite some time now and he’s always told me that he’s had a kink/fetish kind of thing and i really didn’t think too much of it until he told me he enjoys wearing diapers. Now don’t get me wrong, i love him with my whole heart and i don’t want to hurt his feelings at all.  when i first found out about it, i kinda just brushed it off and figured it would pass. yeah, no. it didn’t pass. and as time went on he became more open about his desires and it makes me uncomfortable. i really appreciate that he can trust me enough to tell me because i care deeply about him but i feel like this is something he can keep to himself. he wanted to have sex a few days ago and asked me if he could wear a diaper over with baby powder and such. i didn’t want to hurt his feelings so i said sure. i really wish i didn’t agree to it. long story short there is baby powder all over my sheets and i’m a little upset about that considering i had just washed my bedding 2 days prior to that.

anyways.

i guess what i’m looking for is something sort of either advice or any kinda of comments you could offer me. I really love him so much and i want him to be happy but it really weirds me out (sorry babe!) and i don’t know how to tell him it makes me uncomfortable. he suggested that i try wearing a diaper but i’m really not wanting to. i feel like our sex life is just at a dead end and i’d really like to get it back on track. Ive tried reading other people’s experiences with their spouses and their connection with diapers but i didn’t feel any relief. 

So yeah.  I’m really new to this so any suggestions will be considered. i’m sorry if i offended anyone. It’s just a confusing time right now. Thank you

 

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First of all, I'm SOOOO glad you're willing to reach out to a group of strangers in order to try to understand this. There are a LOT of girls out there who would've called it quits at something like that. But your genuine concern and effort show that you really must love him very much. :wub:

Now, on to your question:

Firstly, ask questions. Find out exactly what he wants from you and how he expects you to participate. Does he want the full-on baby treatment? Or is it enough for him to simply be able to wear diapers around you? Communication is always key.

Secondly, here's something I've told several others on your position to put things into perspective:

Everyone has their own methods of coping with the stresses of life. Some people drink themselves into a stupor. Others destroy their bodies with drugs. HE just so happen to like to wear diapers and/or act like a baby. And when you stack that up against booze and drugs, diapers don't seem so bad, do they?

I hope that helps you. Please keep us posted on how you 2 are doing. :)

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A significant other wearing diapers is not for everyone.  My wife had to make the tough decision to either accept that her partner needed to be in diapers or leave the relationship.

Unfortunately the choice generally falls on the person that does not wear diapers.  That is because the reality of it is majority of us that do wear diapers will never lose that desire completely.  Yes, at times the need to be in a diaper ebbs and flows with binge and purge cycles which can actually be even more confusing on a partner.  One minute my partner is in diapers and the next minute they want nothing to do with them. 

As a partner who has felt not being accepted by his wife for wearing diapers I can tell you the pain is very real.  I suspect your boyfriend asked you to wear a diaper in attempts to help you relate to his desires.  He is simply trying to connect with you and in his eyes help you to understand.  For you this complicates things.  You are uneasy and confused about him wearing diapers so how in the world can he ask you to wear one too?

The only right answer here is what is best for you.  You cannot control his desires for diapers so you have to decide if you can cope with having a padded partner.  Accepting a partner in diapers is a major commitment.  Once you accept a partner in diapers if you find out later you made a mistake it will absolutely destroy your partner which can lead to a guilty conscience for you.

Never force yourself to accept diapers.  Be honest with yourself.  If you cannot handle your partner in them than you need to walk away.  You can also find some common ground, a compromise.  What compromise you could decide to make only you and your partner have the answers to.

The positive thing here is that the secret is out of the diaper bag so to speak.  Many ABDLs hide the fact that they wear diapers from their significant other which more often than not leads to problems in the future.  Now that you know, collectively you can communicate with one another to see what is best from here.  

I often say in my realtionship love found a way.  That does not mean I believe that works for everyone and I do believe you can love someone and not be able to be with them because they want to wear diapers.  In my marriage, ultimately what led to my wife accepting me in diapers was her love for me.  She was able to look past the padding and see everything else that made me special to her.

I wish you two the best of luck and I hope you end up somewhere that makes you happy.

Edited by MarkSmith
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12 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Oh yeah, I totally agree with @mamabug I just thought that it was already implied that this wasn't quite a "deal breaker" because if it were you probably wouldn't have come here asking for advice.

Perhaps one thing that could help both you & us is if you were to try to articulate your exact feelings towards this whole diaper thing? I gather that you don't quite HATE it, but that you're just... confused? But maybe I'm completely off the mark here. 

I'm not sure if that is the case, the way she worded it, she made it clear she was not comfortable with it. So either, it is a deal breaker, but she feels like she would be a bad person if she breaks it off, so she needs to know that it's okay to do so. OR she just needs to get used to the idea and learn as much info as possible. Ball is in her court, pretty much.

1 hour ago, Glennie said:

bug.. i have to say.. you really earned some of my respect. that was a very good answer in my opinion. You really do understand us....

And while I appreciate that... when you say "you really do understand us." you make it seem like I'm not a part of this fetish either...

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Its a bit awkward when someone really likes doing something that is a bit left field.

Unfortunately your boyfriend seems to be under the impression that because he told you his interest and you did't dump him, you accept his fetish.

The only way forward in this case is to talk to each other, as he obviously like nappies and you don't, a compromise will have to be reached.

But to even start this you both need to talk.

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The two of you will need to reach an understanding that this just isn't your thing. As much as it's wrong to force him to agree to a vanilla relationship it's equally wrong for him to force his fetish on you, so you'll just have to sit down with him and figure something out that you can both agree to. Kudos for being open-minded about the whole thing though.

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I have to strongly disagree with the notion that you have to ask questions on how he wants you to participate. Because, you DON'T have to participate if you don't want too. The feelings that you are having about him liking to wear diapers, is okay! The question you have to ask yourself - is this something that you can handle? Because, this isn't going to go away. He's always going to enjoy wearing diapers. 

Will you be a bad person for breaking it off? No! There are some things that are major deal breakers, and if this is one for you, please do you both the favor and end it. You both deserve to be with people that complete you.

Now, if it isn't a deal breaker and you believe that you may get used to it, or you don't care if he wears, you just don't want it to be around you - tell him that! Tell him that you love him, but it's not your thing and you rather he not wear openly around you. He needs to understand YOUR feelings on it. If you wish to know more, then you also should ask him, if you are curious about why he enjoys this or what exactly he wants from it, then go ahead. But, right now you're still processing everything and it's okay to not want to know about it right now.

All in all, you need to decide what you want to do with all of this. It's great that you came out here and reached out to people to try to understand your boyfriend - and some people here are going to make it seem like you have to participate or you can't break up with him because of it - But, that's not how relationships work. We can love someone, without being able to accept something they're into. (like I could never date someone who was lets say a cross dresser, I could love that person, but I know it's something i could never be okay with, therefore it wouldn't be fair for ether of us to continue a relationship, even if we did really love each other)

I really hope the best for you two, in whatever the decision lies. As mention before, communication is key! :)

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Oh yeah, I totally agree with @mamabug I just thought that it was already implied that this wasn't quite a "deal breaker" because if it were you probably wouldn't have come here asking for advice.

Perhaps one thing that could help both you & us is if you were to try to articulate your exact feelings towards this whole diaper thing? I gather that you don't quite HATE it, but that you're just... confused? But maybe I'm completely off the mark here. 

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14 hours ago, mamabug said:

I have to strongly disagree with the notion that you have to ask questions on how he wants you to participate. Because, you DON'T have to participate if you don't want too. The feelings that you are having about him liking to wear diapers, is okay! The question you have to ask yourself - is this something that you can handle? Because, this isn't going to go away. He's always going to enjoy wearing diapers. 

Will you be a bad person for breaking it off? No! There are some things that are major deal breakers, and if this is one for you, please do you both the favor and end it. You both deserve to be with people that complete you.

Now, if it isn't a deal breaker and you believe that you may get used to it, or you don't care if he wears, you just don't want it to be around you - tell him that! Tell him that you love him, but it's not your thing and you rather he not wear openly around you. He needs to understand YOUR feelings on it. If you wish to know more, then you also should ask him, if you are curious about why he enjoys this or what exactly he wants from it, then go ahead. But, right now you're still processing everything and it's okay to not want to know about it right now.

All in all, you need to decide what you want to do with all of this. It's great that you came out here and reached out to people to try to understand your boyfriend - and some people here are going to make it seem like you have to participate or you can't break up with him because of it - But, that's not how relationships work. We can love someone, without being able to accept something they're into. (like I could never date someone who was lets say a cross dresser, I could love that person, but I know it's something i could never be okay with, therefore it wouldn't be fair for ether of us to continue a relationship, even if we did really love each other)

I really hope the best for you two, in whatever the decision lies. As mention before, communication is key! :)

bug.. i have to say.. you really earned some of my respect. that was a very good answer in my opinion. You really do understand us....

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1 hour ago, Glennie said:

bug.. i have to say.. you really earned some of my respect. that was a very good answer in my opinion. You really do understand us....

Who said she didn't understand you to begin with?

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@Glennie, it's fine to compliment. Just keep in mind if your last part was meant to be a joke, it didn't come off that way. It more or less reads as, "you don't wear diapers, bug, therefore you fall under the category of people who don't understand the ABDLs who wear." This gives off the message that if you're not AB/DL, then you don't have an understanding of the lifestyle. That mindset needs to stop on this site, as it doesn't mean that those who don't wear haven't and don't go through their own struggles with their preferences.

But, back on track with the topic, I do agree with bug, @2cutesnoop. You don't have to do what you don't want to do. But if you're genuinely curious, it doesn't hurt to come in here and receive support, and to ask your boyfriend questions. But, be upfront with him and let him know it's something you're weirded out by. He may really not like your answer, but on the flip side, he may be happy to at least know that you acknowledge that he has a preference and that you want him to be happy. Doesn't mean you need to participate. 

All in all, you do what's right to you. If you feel it's something you can't participate in at all, tell him. If he gives you a hard time, stand your ground, as you have no obligation to give in to his desires if it's something you're not into.  On the other hand, if you're looking for more answers or just want to know how you can be supportive without any participation, you can ask him that, too.

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8 minutes ago, Dr_J said:

@Glennie, it's fine to compliment. Just keep in mind if your last part was meant to be a joke, it didn't come off that way. It more or less reads as, "you don't wear diapers, bug, therefore you fall under the category of people who don't understand the ABDLs who wear." This gives off the message that if you're not AB/DL, then you don't have an understanding of the lifestyle. That mindset needs to stop on this site, as it doesn't mean that those who don't wear haven't and don't go through their own struggles with their preferences.

 

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you are making far more out of this than needs to be made.I never once suggested that because Bug doesn't wear diapers, she doesn't understand our struggles. and as far as a mindset goes.. I think most people get treated very well on this website. just because you chose to think i said something doesn't mean i DID say it.  if you have a problem with me.. let's take it out of a public forum. enough said about this!!!

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7 hours ago, Glennie said:

you are making far more out of this than needs to be made.I never once suggested that because Bug doesn't wear diapers, she doesn't understand our struggles. and as far as a mindset goes.. I think most people get treated very well on this website. just because you chose to think i said something doesn't mean i DID say it.  if you have a problem with me.. let's take it out of a public forum. enough said about this!!!

There really isn't a problem, if you didn't mean what you said, you could have corrected yourself when I asked you. The way you worded "You really do understand us.." made it seem so. If you had different intentions, instead of getting offended and say "I shouldn't compliment you anymore"  you could have just said what you really meant by it, that's all!  (After all I did thank you for the compliment...) It's not always easy to compute emotions and intentions over the internet so sometimes you have to be clear enough - especially when I've had to (sadly) defend my position several times on this site, so if you did not mean it like that I apologize, BUT it WAS worded that way and Dr_J was only defending me, it was really I who "If you have a problem with let's take this out of the public forum" that you should be addressing.

But, I've said my peace, and I will repeat your advice and if you have a problem, then lets take this out of public forum :)

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Yes, let's keep this aimed at support, the reason for this form.

The OP lists age at 21, and while I'm not bashing age, there is a lot more wisdom and maturity ahead at that age, even though you won't see it that way. Part of that will be patience and real tolerance of others and how much of that you'll end up with varies. Taking on a partner is a package deal, so if you can't find a workable solution through honest communication and compromise then the BF might not be the right choice for you. Being ABDL is a lifetime thing; it never goes away and at best can only be controlled somewhat. The strength of it can change beyond our usual ups and downs. There is a small chance that it might get beyond his ability to control regards the times and places he wears. Presumingg he is of a similar age he too probably doesn't fully appreciate that yet either. 

If you and him can agree that he will do this only in private away from you then things might work out. If you make such an agreement then it needs to be clear that unless you say otherwise he must stay within those limits completely or the relationship will end right then and there. If you can't handle this then he needs to honor that fully. This approach has worked for many couples here, but that only happens when the drawn line is never crossed. Your part in this will be to never bring the subject up as long as he does his part. That may not be as easy as it seems!

In reality there is never a perfect partner, only variations on how good each is for you. It is impossible to like everything about someone. The best we can do is to know our own self well enough to know what we can live with and what we can't, then seek partners that fit within those limits. In my last relationship there was only one thing I couldn't take but it was big enough that as much as it broke my own heart to do so, I knew I had to walk away. That most others could handle it didn't matter; this was about me. It was my issue and I made that clear. I really had no choice- life does that to you sometimes when you don't want it to.

So please do try to work things out if you can, but realize that nobody has any fault here if you can't. It truly is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, and one ending does not prevent another beginning. 

May you both find your happiness in your lives,

Bettypooh

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