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Breaking the Girl: A Novel


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On 6/20/2018 at 1:11 AM, bbykimmy said:

Chapter One

 

I'm intrigued but the stalker business has me seriously wigged out. Like if I found out somebody was somehow looking through my credit card statements(how the hell did the get those?) I'd probably be buying a handgun  the next day.

So far liking this though. It could be Vanessa's just wired differently. She hasn't done anything too unethical, questionable maybe.

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Chapter Three

The hallway felt like it stretched on forever as I walked toward the bedroom.  I followed the trail of rose petals to the open door.. the bedroom was lit by a thousand candles, they were everywhere.  Candles lined the walls, covered the top of every flat surface, the dresser, the vanity, the end tables flanking the bed, and even the floor.. leaving only a walkway and a large circle around the queen sized bed.  The flames danced in their own hypnotic rhythm as my eyes followed the scattered flowers, straight to her naked body.  I ached with desire for her.  She was spread eagle on the bed, my eyes traced the lines of her body unbidden.  From the tips of her painted toes, up her smooth legs.  Her thighs were plump and she was completely shaven...  she had a bit of a muffin top, and her large breasts hung beautifully on her chest.  She was curvy, she was soft, she was mine.  Her body may not have been the modern definition of perfect beauty, but she was beautiful to me.  Littles came in all shapes and sizes, after all.  Her smile was brighter than all the candles combined, and she looked at me with a hunger.  Her long blonde hair laid out around her head like a golden halo, the soft natural wave in it was beyond gorgeous.  We had been dating for weeks, we had made love, and I had slowly brought out her inner child to play.  Tonight was the night.  She gazed at me with longing, her eyes tracing my lines from top to bottom just as I followed hers from toe to smile.

Then she looked down and saw the folded diaper in my hand, the soft purple plastic encasing the fluffy padding, ready for her.  This was the night I claimed her, taped her in her padding and made her mine forever.

"What the fuck, Vanessa?  Why the fuck do you think I would let you put me in a diaper?  What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Suddenly she was fully clothed, inexplicably two inches taller than I was, and glaring down at me.  The candles spilled over on either side of us and the room was engulfed in flame.

"You're fucking sick, Vanessa.  We're done.  Get some help."

I sank to my knees as she walked out of the burning bedroom and slammed the door, leaving me alone with the fire.  The flames slowly crept toward me...

I woke, bathed in sweat and with tears streaming down my face.  A beam of Saturday morning sunshine fell across my face as I sat upright in bed.  Just a dream.  I looked at the empty spot next to me, her spot.  She hadn't moved in, but she may as well have.  She had slept here every night for weeks.. I had thought I had her just where I wanted her, I had thought that she was the one.  My Little Girl, my Princess Lauren.  I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand and laid back down, clutching my pillow tightly.  I laid there for an hour or more, willing myself to go back to sleep, to make the day go away... but sleep didn't come.  I was exhausted from the nightmare, but my body wouldn't let me drift off again.

Eventually, I got up and started my weekend cleaning routine.  It was too soon to contact Dani, I had to wait until tomorrow.. I was groggy and grumpy, but all that melted away as my phone buzzed.  I leapt for it before the tone could even sound, hoping it was her.

SETH: How was your date?

My feet were back on the ground, a sigh heaving from my chest.  It was only Seth.  But I didn't feel like cleaning any more, so a short text conversation would be a fine distraction.

Good.  She's got a lot of potential, I like her.

SETH: When's the second date?

Not sure.  But I know what I'll be giving as a gift.

Seth was delightfully nosy.  It was generally more of a help than a hinderance.  We'd been friends for a long time, when we discovered we were into the same kink.. it had been pretty incredible.  We met at a fetish night for a local club many years ago, ABDL wasn't nearly as popular back then as it seemed to becoming now, the younger crowd seemed more open and accepting than people my own age... unfortunately I was too old for most of them, or they were too young for me.  It was probably a little bit of both.  There was also the fact that people already in the community didn't offer the kind of challenge I was after.  Seth worried that my seeming addiction to the challenge itself would mean I would never be happy, but I hoped he was wrong.

SETH: Cupcake says hi.  She's happy things are going well for you.

Tell her I want her to have a playmate even more than she does ;)

SETH: I know that and you know that, but cupcake is too little to think that far ahead.

I sighed, Seth gave her entirely too much leeway in her thoughtless behavior.  Jess didn't even have a job any more, she was a full-time baby for him.  She cleaned his apartment and took care of herself during the day, but the minute he got home, she was useless.  Well, that wasn't fair.. she provided him joy, but she certainly didn't lift a finger as long as he was around.  That wasn't the ideal dynamic for me.  Yes, I wanted a woman in diapers, I wanted her to be my baby... but not a helpless infant all the time.  I would need the challenge even when she was already my padded princess.  I needed someone smart, someone savvy... I didn't want some bimbo like Jess, and that's all Jess wanted to be.

Another sigh escaped my lips as I laid the phone back down on the bed next to me, willing it to ring.  And it chimed... close enough.  The chime wasn't Seth's, either.  I eagerly tapped the fingerprint sensor to unwrap the digital gift that awaited me.

DANI: I had a really good time last night.  Thanks again for dinner.

I read and re-read the simple two-sentence message.  Honestly, I hated text messaging.  It was so hard to pick up subtext without tone, without facial expressions, without body language.  That simple message could hide a thousand different meanings underneath it.  I needed to see her, but I couldn't push.  I had initiated the first date, I had kissed her unbidden... she hadn't rejected it but there was something I was missing, some piece of the puzzle I couldn't see yet and I was shaken from the dream.  I wasn't sure if I could take another heartbreak like Lauren.  She hadn't been the first to reject me, for sure - but she was the first one since I became my current self, since I discovered my confidence.

It was my pleas_

No, too formal.  I erased the message and pondered - the missing piece of this puzzle tugged at my brain - did her last girlfriend contact her again?  The phone records I had gotten for her were a week old now, and there had been no signs of Elaine - all the signs were there that she was ready for a new relationship, it didn't feel like an old flame situation.

How's dinner on Wednesday sound?  I got you a small something, a gift.

I stared at the message, frozen.  I took a deep breath and trusted my instincts - the best I could do via text messaging.  I had to remind myself that I had a minimal investment at this point - only a single date, dinner and a small gift, a relatively small amount of time... fifteen to twenty hours of research and social engineering, if it went south it wouldn't be the end of the world, maybe I could find a sub girl at the club and-

DANI:  Oh you shouldn't have

I shouldn't have?  Why shouldn't I?  Was it just the turn of phrase or was there a deeper meaning?  Did she really not want me to?

DANI:  How about coffee?

Shit.  That was a red flag.  I let out a deep sigh as the phone dropped from my fingers.  Coffee instead of dinner was the kiss of death, or rather my kiss had been the kiss of death.  Too far, too fast, too Vanessa.  I sighed again as the phone buzzed, it was likely some excuse.  She was busy, she had to wash her hair, she had a deadline at work, I'd already heard them all.  Goddammit, why did I kiss her?  Why couldn't I just take it slow?  You just never knew, so many people weren't in tune with their own feelings let alone someone else's, some people needed you to go fast, to show them that you were serious.  Dani apparently wasn't one.  I flopped down on the couch, a sour look on my face as I raised the phone up to read her reason.

DANI:  You surprised me with that kiss, I liked it.  You've given me a lot to think about.

I could only blink.  Of all the responses I expected, that was not one.

Coffee sounds great, when?

DANI: Wed sounds great

The reply came immediately - that was easy to read at least, she had to have been looking at her phone, waiting for a response.  She was at least a little bit eager.

DANI: Same place I met you before, 3PM?

Crap.

Can't.  I'm in Redwood City for work this week.  Morning coffee?

DANI:  You want to catch coffee before hitting the 101?  That's crazy

She was right, leaving late would cost me way more time than most people would consider to be worth it.  But she was worth it.

If it's between traffic and not seeing you, I pick traffic.

Ugh, it was cheesy but it was already sent.  It made me sound desperate.  I wasn't desperate, but I was definitely interested in her.  I hope she could read the difference.

DANI:  See you at 6 then.

Coffee - not the most romantic of meetups, but I just had to keep reminding myself that I needed to take things slow, I needed to ease my way into her life.  She needed to learn about me just as much as I needed to learn about her.  I was interested, intrigued, but there was no guarantee that we'd be compatible.  For all I knew, she had some terrible belief structure - just because a woman is gay doesn't mean she has all her shit together, there could be any number of hidden neuroses or psychoses there, lurking beneath that delightfully cute exterior.  That stern professional façade hiding the little girl within... oh I was dying to know what kind of underwear she was hiding under those pants.  It would tell me everything I wanted to know.

The rest of my Saturday was uneventful, but that was okay - my weekend cleaning routine was done a bit early, so it was time to indulge.  I considered myself to be a highly organized person, I enjoyed sorting things - it gave a kind of satisfaction that was hard to get other ways.  Sorting things that I knew I liked was even better.  So I slipped into the second bedroom of the apartment and basked in the scene that awaited me there.  It was bittersweet - I had reconstructed it all after Lauren left.  When she started spending more and more time over, I had dismantled everything, hidden everything and it turned out that had been the right instinct.  Maybe things could have worked out with Lauren if I had gone slower, maybe she could have been my princess, but if she had seen this, it would have spooked her immediately.

With a smile, I slid my hand along the top railing of the crib - the lovely, cushy, foam hybrid mattress rested nearly on the ground and it was not hard to imagine Dani pouting at me from behind those bars.  Would she be a pouty princess?  A bouncy princess?  I hoped she wouldn't be a brat like Jess - I was sure she wouldn't... but I was also sure she'd be a princess-type.  Oh so sweet but needing things to go her way, needing attention and cuddles.  The squirrel-purse told me that, the way she ate at dinner told me that.  The gleaming white wood of the crib bars brought me joy - the bed could be converted into a daybed reasonably easily, the frame raised, the side bars lowered and the front bars removed... it was how I had hidden it from Lauren.  

I pulled the long top drawer out of the dresser, running my hand along the tops of the soft plastic coverings of the diapers I had collected - ABU Space, Dotty the Pony, DC Amors... but these were all in the large size, Lauren's size.  With a smile I lifted an Amor, enjoying the feel of the backing, so soft.  A smile came to my lips as I imagined laying Dani down and sliding one underneath her.

Oh well, I thought, that smile lingering, these will be good for days when my princess needs to be double-diapered.

I still had an array of mediums in a box in the closet, ones I had bought for Kailee...

I spent the rest of the day reorganizing the nursery, putting away all the larger clothing and diapers, and pulling out the mediums, sorting them by color and style and just daydreaming.

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33 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Chapter Three

 

I want to like Vanessa but the stalker behavior is seriously cranking my paranoia to 11.  Even if they are otherwise an amazing person I don't think the level of trust necessary for any kind of relationship never mind a D/S one, just wouldn't be possible. I'd always be wondering if they we're playing head games with me. Like if I found out well into the relationship that my partner had stalked me before initiating, it would be legitimately traumatic. Like I'd be in therapy multiple days a week(up from once biweekly), crawling into every alcoholic bottle I could find, and keeping a handgun strapped behind the headboard.... Traumatic.....  I don't think I'd be able to stop wondering what else they did.

 

Then again there should be hazard indicators slapped onto my skull so........

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7 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

DANI:  You want to catch coffee before hitting the 101?  That's crazy

 

This is a bit unusual for a second date, or is this a date?  At this point in the story, I am just along for the ride, no projections and no over-analysis other than saying Vanessa is deep into her fantasies. In fact, right now, I need coffee and another chapter*.  I know we wont' get that* I guess until Monday.  Thanks for the update!  Looking forward to the unraveling of the missing puzzle piece.

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Coffee, mmm, maybe she is just like Vanessa and is testing her, probably find out that she was at that club waiting for Vanessa to spot her. We might learn that while Vanessa thinks she's the predator, she will learn that everything was set up and she's the prey. Beaten at her own game.

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12 minutes ago, Aries said:

Coffee, mmm, maybe she is just like Vanessa and is testing her, probably find out that she was at that club waiting for Vanessa to spot her. We might learn that while Vanessa thinks she's the predator, she will learn that everything was set up and she's the prey. Beaten at her own game.

Stalker vs Stalker.

Who will win? :ph34r:

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Just....... WOW :) the writing is really good and the story is compelling. The characters don’t seem forced or unbelievable and everything is paced out perfectly. Bravo!!!! Definitely sticking around to see this one till the end

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7 hours ago, YourFNF said:

I want to like Vanessa but the stalker behavior is seriously cranking my paranoia to 11.  Even if they are otherwise an amazing person I don't think the level of trust necessary for any kind of relationship never mind a D/S one, just wouldn't be possible. I'd always be wondering if they we're playing head games with me. Like if I found out well into the relationship that my partner had stalked me before initiating, it would be legitimately traumatic. Like I'd be in therapy multiple days a week(up from once biweekly), crawling into every alcoholic bottle I could find, and keeping a handgun strapped behind the headboard.... Traumatic.....  I don't think I'd be able to stop wondering what else they did.

 

Then again there should be hazard indicators slapped onto my skull so........

Aww, I'm sorry the story is triggering you, FNF.  I hope you're able to enjoy it... I figured we'd have an easier time since there's no crazy Amazons kidnapping people.

1 hour ago, ELLIE52 said:

This is a bit unusual for a second date, or is this a date?  At this point in the story, I am just along for the ride, no projections and no over-analysis other than saying Vanessa is deep into her fantasies. In fact, right now, I need coffee and another chapter*.  I know we wont' get that* I guess until Monday.  Thanks for the update!  Looking forward to the unraveling of the missing puzzle piece.

A good question - is coffee a date?  What's Dani's motive?  Does she have a motive or she she just busy?

And I miiiiiiiight be able to be persuaded to share another chapter, especially if more new commenters appear :D

33 minutes ago, Aries said:

Coffee, mmm, maybe she is just like Vanessa and is testing her, probably find out that she was at that club waiting for Vanessa to spot her. We might learn that while Vanessa thinks she's the predator, she will learn that everything was set up and she's the prey. Beaten at her own game.

You think I'm going to do a turnabout two stories in a row, huh?

No one-trick pony I, Aries :P

23 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Stalker vs Stalker.

Who will win? :ph34r:

:ph34r:

7 minutes ago, Babyqtboy said:

Just....... WOW :) the writing is really good and the story is compelling. The characters don’t seem forced or unbelievable and everything is paced out perfectly. Bravo!!!! Definitely sticking around to see this one till the end

Thanks!  I'm glad you're enjoying it - and thanks for coming back and commenting again :D

I might be able to be convinced to share another chapter today, but either way there will 100% be another one on Monday, and every day next week!

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Are you ready for some overly excited fangirling?

This story is awesome! Your style and the subject matter are so ridiculously great that I feel like I'm in the tub with a book when I'm reading it. As a fledgling writer that's not altogether sure where she wants to go with regards to new narratives, knowing that there's themes personally exciting to her that she wants to explore but worries may be "too adult" or "too dark" for the general populace, your story flips a lot of switches and shows that maybe if I can manage to hone my skills to a similar razor sharpness as yours are, I might be able to attempt something like that.

Delightful. Smart. Amazingly crafted. Hearts for days. :D

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6 minutes ago, thedman said:

OMG. I am loving every second of this. Also @bbykimmyI am sorry if I hurt your feelings before. 

I forgive you - I know Ellie is right, you're a longtime fan back from the very first story I posted.

I appreciate the apology though <3

Your teasing is not unfounded - I have 4 finished stories and 4 unfinished, so... I guess I need to finish some stories ;)

5 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

You da Big Man, Thedman.

Truth!

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This story is SO COOL! I can relate to it a lot myself^^ Every now and then, the world is too much and I no longer want to be in charge (at least for a little while). Can't wait for more!

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5 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:

Are you ready for some overly excited fangirling?

This story is awesome! Your style and the subject matter are so ridiculously great that I feel like I'm in the tub with a book when I'm reading it. As a fledgling writer that's not altogether sure where she wants to go with regards to new narratives, knowing that there's themes personally exciting to her that she wants to explore but worries may be "too adult" or "too dark" for the general populace, your story flips a lot of switches and shows that maybe if I can manage to hone my skills to a similar razor sharpness as yours are, I might be able to attempt something like that.

Delightful. Smart. Amazingly crafted. Hearts for days. :D

OMG, that is some delightful fangirling!!!

Seriously, I'm blushing.  Thank you so much for sharing that feedback.  This one is about as light as it goes for me as far as darkness is concerned - the only ones that are less dark are "The Biggest Little Vacation" and "A Touch of Magic" which are both feel-good pieces.  This story is all about pain and growth, and I hope it reaches into people and shares some real feelings.

3 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Kimmy, we have a winner!

I agree!  NEW CHAPTER FOR EVERYONE!

3 minutes ago, TomBoyAB said:

This story is SO COOL! I can relate to it a lot myself^^ Every now and then, the world is too much and I no longer want to be in charge (at least for a little while). Can't wait for more!

Thanks TomBoy <3

Hearing that people can relate to the story means a lot to me.  Thank you for sharing your feedback!

And you won't have to wait long, more is coming now.

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6 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

OMG, that is some delightful fangirling!!!

Seriously, I'm blushing.  Thank you so much for sharing that feedback.  This one is about as light as it goes for me as far as darkness is concerned - the only ones that are less dark are "The Biggest Little Vacation" and "A Touch of Magic" which are both feel-good pieces.  This story is all about pain and growth, and I hope it reaches into people and shares some real feelings.

I agree!  NEW CHAPTER FOR EVERYONE!

I don't have anymore thingies to give out, but trust that when the thingy man comes around again to replenish my stocks I'll be investing them all in this story and this comment...unless I see something shiny along the way, then obviously nothing will get done. :P

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Chapter Four

My plan for Sunday had been simple: video games.  Next week was going to be rough, there was no doubt about it.  The gig was a post-startup, funding was drying up and the bloat and excess of the "spend to grow" mentality was choking the company to death - my speciality.  So as I stared at Jess in her crib, gripping the bars with actual tears running down her face, I wondered again how Seth had managed to talk me into this.  She had been stuck in the crib for at least an hour after he left.  I hadn't gotten his message right away - I had been asleep like a sane person on a Sunday morning - and it was generally half an hour from Cupertino to Burlingame.

"He left me!" Jess wailed, a small puddle staining the soft pink sheets on the mattress.  Thankfully, I could hear the crinkle of the plastic protector.  At first I told myself there was no way I was doing his laundry for him, but I knew it was a lie.  Seth was as good as friends came, and he'd be exhausted when he got back - he shouldn't have to deal with wet sheets on top of everything.

"He didn't leave you," I said softly as I lowered the bars to her crib and helped her step out, bow legged.  Her onesie was soaked and I stripped it and the diaper from her quickly before escorting her to the bathroom.  "You're being dramatic, you silly toddler."

She pouted as I sat her down on a towel on the floor - in a way it was adorable that she was still following his rules, she wasn't allowed to stand without an "adult" helping her.  In another way, it was mildly irritating.  We'd be breaking at least a few of his rules today - I wasn't bathing his Little.

"He did!" she pouted, crossing her arms over her bare chest, her pigtails bouncing as she huffed.  "He left me all alone and I couldn't get out of the crib and I leaked!"

"Oh I know, silly girl," I tapped her on the nose as the bath filled - with pink bubbles, of course - and slowly undid her pigtails and removed her pink collar.  "But I also know you could have gotten out, and you could have gone to the potty.  We both know you use it for number two when he's not around."

"Nuh uh," she blushed furiously, hiding her face in her hands - of course it was true.  I knew it, Seth knew it, she knew it as well.  How could he not?

"Oh hush," I smirked, taking her gently by one arm and "lifting" her, guiding her into the water.  "I expect you to wash yourself, little girl.  Understand?"

"But Daddy always washes me!" she whined - this was why I didn't like babysitting Jess so much.  She could take care of her self - she did it every day, after all - but on the weekends she was especially "helpless".  Seth only ever asked me to watch her on the weekends, when he got called away for work.  He was ridiculously good at his job, this sort of thing happened.  Hopefully it would be a quick run, unlike last time... last time I had been stuck with Jess for almost twelve hours and had been ready to throttle the girl.

"As you said," I told her sternly, handing her a washcloth.  "Daddy isn't here, he had to work so you're stuck with Aunt Vanessa."

"I ha- " her tantrum stopped cold before she could say the word "hate".  That was a button for me, and one she had pushed last time, and she hadn't enjoyed the aftermath.  The death glare that was surely on my face declared that continuing that particular bit of brattiness would be a terrible idea.  She deflated quickly.  "Sorry Nessa."

"I forgive you," I said softly, sitting on the closed toilet and pulling out my phone.  "Just don't say that to me, okay cupcake?"  She preened as I used his nickname for her, and began soaping up the washcloth.  "You're still going to get your baby day and if you're good I'll spoil like your Daddy does... but if you're rotten to me, I'll put you back in that crib with your mittens and that will be that."

"Sowwy Auntie Nessa," she whimpered, slipping into that lisp that set my teeth on edge.

"Don't, Jess - don't go sugar sweet on me.  I'm not your Daddy.  Let's get you bathed, get you diapered, and go relax on the couch and watch one of your cooking shows."

"Yay!" she literally bounced in the water, splashing a bit out of the tub.  "I wanna watch the Great British Baking Show!"  I couldn't help but laugh.  Seth hated reality TV, loathed it with every fiber of his being and likely had it blocked on his Netflix account - but I could connect to his systems just as well as he could and it wasn't blocked on mine.  Jess was actually a reasonably talented cook and she often made dinner for the pair of them... as long as she was done before he walked in the door, when she collapsed to the floor like an infant.  Theirs was a strange dynamic, but it worked for them and they were both happy.

"How about," I began, teasing, "we get you dried off and in a nice, blue diaper - one of the Space ones, and we go watch... I dunno, a nature documentary instead?"

"No!" her attitude changed instantly, horror on her face.  "Pink diapers!  Nessa please!  Pink diapers and cooking shows, you said you said!"

I had to admit, her obsession with pink was adorable.  The Space diapers were there as her "naughty" diapers - she would be put in those when Seth was cross with her, when she didn't deserve pink ones.  I was surprised they didn't get used more with the amount she bratted, but hey - I wasn't her mommy.  I didn't think I'd be putting a collar around my Little's neck either... I enjoyed BDSM games, but I liked them separate from my ageplay games.

"Okay, okay," I laughed, "But not because you're throwing a tantrum.  Because I already offered, and I need to be consistent with tiny tots like you.  Remember, tantrums don't get you anywhere with me like they do your Daddy.  Now, finish up your washing, wash your hair, and we'll get you dressed and ready to watch some TV.  Do a good job but don't take too long - your Daddy could come home any minute, and then your TV time will be done."

She nodded and proceeded to bathe like the adult she was - I actually envied her a little bit, she didn't have to shave her legs... Seth had all of the hair on her legs and arms removed with electrolysis, her skin was always smooth and soft.  She groomed her pubic hair often, so it was quick and before long, I was escorting her betoweled form to her nursery and laying her down on her changing table.  This particular piece of furniture was missing from my own collection... but Seth's apartment was bigger than mine.  I had her dried and powerded and taped up in a DC Amor with a booster in no time.  I pulled her to a sitting position and patted her leg, taking a moment to fasten her collar back around her neck before I walked over to her closet to choose an outfit.

"I want... "

"You did NOT just begin a sentence with 'I want', did you?" I cut her off.  I Want was another pet peeve of mine.  Littles should always begin with May I Please when they wanted something.

"Sorry, Auntie Nessa," the way she shrunk in on herself was delightful, her whole body language changed from confident to cowering in the blink of an eye.  I shot her a smile that said, 'Good girl' over my shoulder as I selected her outfit... a pink shirt with pink shortalls.  Almost everything in her closet was pink... except for her punishment clothing, which was all in blue.

She clapped her hands as I carried the outfit over, slipping the shirt over her head and pulling the shortalls up her legs.  I loved these shortalls - I had a pair in the nursery closet in my apartment as well... the sides were high rise to hide a diaper and snug around the waist... but the beauty of the garment was the buckles.  They required a key to open.  We had bought from the same vendor at the same time, my key worked on Jess' outfit just as well as the pair that was waiting for my own princess.  A shiver went through Jess' body as the heavy click came from the lock as I snapped them closed.

"Oh, I love that sound," she purred, her cutesy voice dropped for just a moment and the sultry tone she usually saved for Seth bleeding through.  "It's just so... final, so inescapable.  Can we... can we talk for a bit, Nessa?"  Her face scrunched up as she used her usual nickname for me, juxtaposed against her request for a more adult conversation.

"Yes, we can talk," I smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her out to Seth's living room.  I sat on the couch, pulling her gently down next to me.  "When you're ready to be Little again, move to the floor.  Until then, you can call me Vanessa."  The relief on her face was immense, and her entire posture relaxed.  I began to wonder if everything was all right between her and Seth - a lifestyle couple still needed to connect outside of the dynamic, the game couldn't be everything... it wasn't healthy.  "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm just curious," she began timidly, winding her fingers together, "does Daddy... does Seth think I'm a burden?"

Of all the questions I expected to come out of her mouth, that had not been one of them.  I was good at reading people - really good, it's what made me great at my job, and yet here I was again, for the second time in a week, floored by an unexpected reaction.  Seth and Jess were the perfect pair, the poster couple for DD/lg - he was dominating, commanding, loving, and she was cute, cuddly, and bratty but mostly obedient... and they loved each other deeply.

"Jessica," I smiled a soft smile, a smile that said 'Everything will be all right', and laid a hand on her knee, turning my body to face her.  I put on a familiar mask, one that I used to comfort distraught employees - I couldn't meddle in Seth's relationship, but I felt confident in how to deal with this particular Little-crisis.  "I can't say for certain how Seth feels about you at any given moment, but I can say this: what you are feeling is really common for kept submissives.  You're wondering if you're worth the trouble, if you contribute enough, if he's just playing along to keep you happy and he's secretly miserable."

There it was.  That was the fear.  Tears sprung to her eyes immediately and she nodded her head quickly, her lips pursed as she tried to keep herself from crying.  Jess didn't have the firmest rein on her emotions - it came with pretending to be a toddler the vast majority of the day.  I wasn't even sure how much contact she had with people outside of the community, she had thrown herself so thoroughly into her role.

"It's not your responsibility to second guess him," I assured her.  "If he's miserable, it's his responsibility to talk about it.  You can ASK him about it, but whatever he tells you, you should take at face value.  Here's where the real problem lies, I think - you can't understand why he would be happy taking care of all your needs.  Pampering you literally and figuratively.  You can't understand why he would want to spend his time, effort, and money keeping you in this lifestyle that makes you so deliriously happy.  You can't see what he's getting out of it, and it makes you feel guilty."

"Yes!" she gasped, nodding vigorously.  "That's it exactly!  When we first got together, I used to do so much for him, before... y'know," she gestured down at her diapered crotch, "I would buy him things and we would go places.  I mean, I still make him dinner and I clean up around the apartment, but is that enough to repay him for everything he does for me?  I don't want to lose him!"  Her tears were flowing freely then, she was overwhelmed by fear and doubt.  I simply followed my instincts and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into my lap.

"Hey," I said softly wiping her tears away, "You're not going to lose him by doing what he wants, you silly Little.  You're his cupcake and he loves you.  You can't understand what he gets out of it because if you doted on him the way he dotes on you, giving every ounce of his attention, doing every little thing for you, you'd feel resentful and upset."  She nodded again, confirming my thoughts.  "But you're not wired the same way, Jess.  You're not a dominant.  You think I secretly want someone to swoop into my life and keep me in diapers?"

"No," she laughed a little, sniffling.  "I can't even imagine you in diapers, you're so strong."

"And I don't want that.  Do you want to be in diapers?"  I tugged slightly at the strap to her shortalls.  "You're helpless, Jess.  You can't go to the potty if you wanted to, you're stuck and you're going to have to pee on yourself like a toddler.  Is that what you want?"

She squirmed in my lap and nodded, blushing, hiding her face in her hands.  Her body language was delightful, the smell of the powder on her, the faint remnants of strawberry-scented shampoo in her hair.  She was adorable, and Seth was beyond lucky.

"Well?" I prompted her.  "Is that what you want?"

"Yes, Auntie Nessa," she squeaked from behind her hands, her Little-voice returning.  She couldn't help it, I was pushing her buttons, the ones that made her brain melt a little.

"Tell me that you like being trapped in your shortalls," I teased her, patting her diapered crotch.

"I like it," she whispered, "I like being trapped, I like having no choice."

"And Seth likes you being that way.  A dominant doesn't want the squirmy feelings you're having right now, we don't feel them.  We want to feel power, to feel your vulnerability.  We want to feel needed and in control.  We want to be trusted, deeply.  I promise you, the feeling that you're having right now - Seth gets the dominant version of that feeling when he picks on you."

I tapped a few buttons on my phone, springing her British Baking program to life on the television.

"Thanks, Nessa," she sighed happily, sliding off my lap and onto the floor where Seth preferred her - I couldn't blame him, his leather couch was nice and she was prone to leaks, after all.  "It's just so hard to believe that he would want that."

"You want to wear the diapers, he wants to put you in them, it's that simple.  You're fulfilled by being controlled, he's fulfilled by being controlling.  It takes all kinds.  Now I have to go clean your bedding, Miss Puddle Pants."

"Sowwy," she lisped, laying her head on the coffee table.  "Nessa?"

"Yes?" I paused on my way to her nursery, turning around again to face her.

"I hope you find your Little soon," she said softly.

"Me too, Jess.  Me too."

  • Like 12
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40 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:

I don't have anymore thingies to give out, but trust that when the thingy man comes around again to replenish my stocks I'll be investing them all in this story and this comment...unless I see something shiny along the way, then obviously nothing will get done. :P

I am greedy for the points.  Thanks for thinking of me!  I don't mind that you're out, and I'll be very grateful if you come back and "Like" the post later <3

5 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Loved the extra chapter!  Out of points, so tomorrow....  

At least we are one chapter closer to the coffee meet.

I have a lot of fun writing Jess.  As we get into the Little side stuff, and especially when the story is done, I'd love to discuss what each character means to me :)

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So, I don't want to alarm you, but I'm concerned that you may be a wizard and words are your spells. 

I love the way you explore the psychology behind the Domme/Little dynamic and so expertly articulate the thoughts, feelings and motivations behind them. You're streets ahead and I legit could just go on and on forever and a day with how crazy talented I think you are and how much your writing style is something I wish was bottled and sold so I could drink/bathe in it and become even a tenth as skilled as you are.

People are very quick to throw the phrase "amazeballs" around...probably, but this story is unequivocally amazeballs and you should find a fridge to put it up on ASAP.   

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4 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:

So, I don't want to alarm you, but I'm concerned that you may be a wizard and words are your spells. 

I love the way you explore the psychology behind the Domme/Little dynamic and so expertly articulate the thoughts, feelings and motivations behind them. You're streets ahead and I legit could just go on and on forever and a day with how crazy talented I think you are and how much your writing style is something I wish was bottled and sold so I could drink/bathe in it and become even a tenth as skilled as you are.

People are very quick to throw the phrase "amazeballs" around...probably, but this story is unequivocally amazeballs and you should find a fridge to put it up on ASAP.   

I am wholly unalarmed.  I am a wizard, but my spells are comprised of computer code.  This is just my hobby ;)

And thank you so much for the wonderful compliments, they really do mean the world to me.  I wrote my first story, "Making the Best of It" because I had feelings that I needed to share.  My mantra at that point in my life was "Feelings are hard" and that's what the whole story was about.  Right now my mantra is "Perfect is the enemy of good"... but "There is no growth without pain" is a pretty close second.

I'm glad you're finding this story to be amazeballs - I hope you continue to enjoy it as we go forward.  We've got quite a ways to go... I finished Chapter 17 last night :D

Oh, and also... Doreen Green is easily the best superhero.

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This is one of my favorite chapters in any story. I've actually had a similar conversation with one of my Littles when she was feeling down because she couldn't imagine why someone would want to ever take care of her like that. So this chapter hits rather close to home for me.

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5 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

This is one of my favorite chapters in any story. I've actually had a similar conversation with one of my Littles when she was feeling down because she couldn't imagine why someone would want to ever take care of her like that. So this chapter hits rather close to home for me.

What Vanessa does in this chapter is really important:  Before anyone can hear you, before anyone can hear the message you're trying to share or the reassurance you're trying to give... they have to know you heard them first.

If someone is upset, you have to Listen.  Don't interrupt, just let them talk, let them say their piece... and then tell them what you heard.  Don't get defensive, don't try to tell them they're wrong, don't try to fix it.  Tell them what feelings that you hear they are expressing, tell them that the feelings make sense to you - you don't have to AGREE with what they're saying, but if you can express that their feelings make sense, that they're valid... a person who's hurting really needs that.

Here, Jess is hurting.  She is unsure, she is anxious, she is scared.  And Vanessa listens.  Vanessa tells Jess what she heard and when she's got it... Jess cries at first, but she feels real deep relief.  Because knowing that the person you're talking to you really hears you, really understands you... it's incredibly comforting, just being heard.

THEN Vanessa can begin to reassure her, to use logic and point things out.  If Vanessa had tried to START with that, Jess likely would have withdrawn, because the message there is that her feelings are wrong, invalid.

Listening is really friggin' hard.  It's a life skill.  Vanessa's good at it.

:)

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8 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I am wholly unalarmed.  I am a wizard, but my spells are comprised of computer code.  This is just my hobby ;)

And thank you so much for the wonderful compliments, they really do mean the world to me.  I wrote my first story, "Making the Best of It" because I had feelings that I needed to share.  My mantra at that point in my life was "Feelings are hard" and that's what the whole story was about.  Right now my mantra is "Perfect is the enemy of good"... but "There is no growth without pain" is a pretty close second.

I'm glad you're finding this story to be amazeballs - I hope you continue to enjoy it as we go forward.  We've got quite a ways to go... I finished Chapter 17 last night :D

Oh, and also... Doreen Green is easily the best superhero.

See, that's just not fair! I TOLD you I didn't have thingies and then you go and drop the SG love?! Am I just supposed to sit here like some kind of sitting girl and wait for the thingy man all day so that I can shower you with thingies in a manner befitting your elevated station in my mind?! To that I say "harumph!" and "yeah, that's probably what I'll do.".

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4 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:

See, that's just not fair! I TOLD you I didn't have thingies and then you go and drop the SG love?! Am I just supposed to sit here like some kind of sitting girl and wait for the thingy man all day so that I can shower you with thingies in a manner befitting your elevated station in my mind?! To that I say "harumph!" and "yeah, that's probably what I'll do.".

And then I make it worse by giving you one of MY thingies ;)

I'm a huge nerd, and the new Squirrel Girl is right up there with the new Kamala Khan Ms. Marvel.  I love the Twitter pages at the opening, though I'm pretty far behind now - once I get caught up on all my favs (X-23 'cuz Laura is amazing, Dr. Strange, Daredevil... I don't really like the Avengers all that much), I cancel my Marvel U subscription until a few months or a year has passed and then I binge again.

I just don't have a whole lot of extra time in my life right now.

  • Like 1
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