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Breaking the Girl: A Novel


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29 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I'll stick to writing my silly little stories and sharing them here for free in exchange for talking about them with the people who read them :)

Sounds completely fair to me. Just know in my opinion, you are a good person, you write very well. You don't need perfection in a world of humans, you won't find it. Just look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say "Damn, I woke up sexy again." Smile and know at that moment you decided to make today a good day. TBH, i do that every morning, believe it works. It just takes time for you brain to believe it.

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4 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

I can't say I'm fully "back", I was shaken pretty much to the core of my being on Wednesday and I was seriously doubting whether or not I am a good person.

But I think writing a new chapter is a good sign

@bbykimmy, I'm sorry to hear that your therapist has those opinions of you. We all know that that isn't true. You give so much of yourself to write such amazing stories for this community. Please continue to write at whatever pace works best for you. I only bug you for more because you have such captivating writing and I always want to know what is coming next.

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Chapter Twenty-Five

"So you're like some kind of dominatrix?" Dani asked suddenly after several long moments of silence on the drive back to my apartment.

"What?  No," I said, a little surprised.

"That woman said you tied her up," she explained.  "Did you?"

"I have tied her up," I admitted, "with her consent."

"You're... into that kind of thing?" she asked, a small tremor in her voice.  It was hard to determine exactly what it was in her voice, whether it was fear or a hidden desire.  I could tell that my judgement was impaired by the altercation with Lauren.  I was still shaken.  "Like that Fifty Shades of Grey thing?"

"No," I couldn't decide whether to smirk or sigh, the damage that had been done by the misconceptions from that book was immeasurable - but it had put alternate lifestyles in the spotlight, even with its wrong and awful portrayal, it had pushed the idea of dominance and submission into the mainstream... and people who were interested could learn.  "Not quite like that - it wasn't a very healthy picture of a relationship or of safe play."

"But like... you like that sort of thing?  Hurting people?"  It was fear.  Dammit.  I wanted desperately to pull the car over and to look her in the face and set her straight, but I couldn't - we were still five minutes from the apartment and this needed an answer now.

"No, Dani," I said sadly, "I don't like hurting people.  I like the trust that comes with that sort of game, the feeling that my partner knows absolutely that I won't do anything to hurt them, that I can help her find her limits in a safe way.  I messed up with Lauren," I paused for a moment, sighing, "I'm interested in a very special kind of connection, and she wasn't.  I thought that she was and I was wrong, and she's still angry about it."

When I looked over, I saw only the back of her head, her raven hair shining.  She was staring out the window as Cupertino passed by.  Neither of us said another word until the car was parked in my spot at the apartment complex.

"I won't do anything like that to you without your permission," I promised quietly.

"Can you believe how mad Jessica was?" she changed the subject with a small laugh.  "I mean, I don't know her very well but damn - I didn't see that coming."

"Honestly, I've known her for a couple of years now and I've never seen her do that before," I shrugged.  "It's pretty out of character for her, she's a very... " I searched for the word.  Quiet certainly didn't describe Jess.  Neither did non-confrontational, she could brat with the best of them.  "Friendly person."

"It's kind of cute the way she calls you Nessa... and Seth 'Daddy'.  It's almost like she's an overgrown toddler," she laughed, obviously amused with the absurdity of her statement without realizing how very close to the truth she was.  "That really creeped me out at first, but she's so genuine.  Seth really, really loves her.  They're a cute couple.  I hope to have something like that someday."

"Me too," I smiled, though I was talking about something different.

"So," she asked nonchalantly as I reached for the door handle, "is that why there are bars and a plastic sheet on your guest bed?"

I stopped cold.  

Shit.  I forgot about the plastic sheet.

"If you don't want to sleep there anymore," I offered, "we can figure something out."

"It is!" she laughed, "Do you want to tie me to the bed, Vanessa?"  Suddenly it felt stiflingly hot in the car, and her hand was cool on my arm.  "Oh my god!  You're blushing!  I didn't know you could blush."  Her laugh was gentle, loving, not mocking at all.  My face felt hot - I wasn't used to this situation, to not be in control of the direction of the conversation.  So many situations had occurred with Dani that I never expected that it was hard to keep contingency plans at all.  "Come on and teach me the ropes," she teased gently, her voice a purr.

The time between the car door and the apartment door was a blur, I didn't remember saying a single word - but as I stood in the guest room with Dani, my heart pounding in my chest as she sat on the crib-turned-daybed's mattress and stared up at me.

"So how does this work?" she asked.  "You just... tie me up?"

"No," I said finally, sitting down next to her.  "First we discuss safety."

"What?" she blinked, turning toward me.  "Well that's not sexy at all," she laughed.

"Maybe not," I chuckled in return, the tension broken for a moment, "but it's important.  You see, the words 'no' and 'stop' don't have the same meaning when you're playing.  If you say 'no', we don't want to stop for me to ask whether you really mean it."

"Oh," she said, realization dawning.  "Wait, you mean you won't stop if I ask you to?"

"Of course I will - but we need to decide on a couple of words that really mean stop while we play.  The standard ones are 'yellow' for 'this is getting to be too much for me, we need to slow down' and 'red' for 'stop, I do not want this'."

"So if I say 'red', you'll stop no matter what?" she asked.

"Exactly - that way you can get a thrill, if you want to, out of begging me to stop while still being perfectly safe.  If you really need to stop, you have that power.  And if anyone - if you're playing with someone else - ever refuses to honor your safeword, you break contact with that person.  They're not safe."

"That's what Jessica was talking about," Dani said, though it was still weird for me to hear Jess' full name instead of a cutesy nickname for her.  "When she said that other woman used her safeword."

"Exactly - Lauren didn't like how I wanted to play, so we stopped.  Are you sure you want to try this?  We don't have to - we have other ways to explore- "

"I want to," she said suddenly, "I... I've always been curious about this sort of thing and I trust you... so... how do you do this?"

"Well," I smiled, a warm smile that I let slip into just the tiniest bit predatory.  "You wait here and close your eyes."

I pushed her gently back on the bed as she closed her eyes, stepping to my room to retrieve a simple pair of cuffs and a length of cord with carabiners on each end.  Just this would be a nice introduction, nothing too intense.  I had never been deep into the BDSM game, I only had basic toys - most of my gear was about making my submissive feel small, not necessarily restrained.

Dani still had her eyes closed when I returned, her breathing quick and shallow, her arms trembling ever so slightly.  I traced a gentle finger down her arm before reaching her wrist, gently slipping the first soft pink cuff around her wrist and buckling it - I didn't make it too tight, but it would feel secure, inescapable.  I didn't bother with locks, she was too new.  Once the other cuff was secure, I pulled her hands above her head, threading the cord through the bars of the crib and clipping it to her cuffs.

"There," I said softly, breathily, "you won't be going anywhere now.  How do you feel?"

"Silly," she giggled, "what am I supposed to feel?"

I slid my hands down her body in response, tracing from her neck, across her collarbones and down the tops of her breasts, sliding my fingers down the sides and toward her shorts.  I leaned down, pressing my lips to her thigh while holding her hips tightly between my hands.  Slowly, gently, I dug my teeth into her flesh ever so slightly, a gasp coming from her.  I heard the carabiner click against the D-rings on her cuffs and I grinned.  I slid my tongue toward the hem of her shorts sliding a hand down and up one leg, invading her denim cut-offs and dragging my nails across the tender flesh where her bottom met her thighs.

I pinched her slightly, enjoying the sudden jerking of her body.

"Hey!" she gasped, "That's not nice!"

"So stop me," I teased, biting her thigh again and drawing forth a soft moan.  "Just take me by the hands."

"I can't!" she protested, squirming as I stood and climbed on top of her, swinging one leg over and straddling her.  I leaned back and reached behind me, dragging my nails up her bare legs, enjoying the feel of her soft, smooth skin as I did.  I hadn't spent nearly enough time on her legs, her skin was silky-soft and she moaned again, long and low - I had definitely not paid enough attention to her legs.

"That's the idea," I laughed softly as I leaned forward, taking a breast in each hand.  I squeezed gently as I came in for a kiss, pressing my lips softly to hers.  "And this is how we start."

"I like this start," she grinned, tugging at her bonds.  "I can see the appeal."

"There's a lot more to come, my sweet princess," I smiled down at her, with a very predatory smile this time.  The grin that spread across her lips warmed my heart - she really did like that nickname.

And I liked my princess.

*     *     *

I crept softly through the darkness.  It felt so strange to be completely without a diaper after being trapped in them for so long, but I needed to be quiet - if Aubrey caught me she'd be mad, but the crinkle made it more likely that she'd catch me.  Vanessa wasn't answering my calls or texts, but maybe she would answer Aubrey's number?  She seemed to come around when Aubrey threatened her.  I pushed the door to her room open slowly, wincing at the creak that came from the hinges, my heart seizing in my chest.

Aubrey's soft snore still came from her bed.  I tiptoed over toward her - she always charged her phone in the same spot, on the nightstand next to her... I took it quietly, slipping back out of her room and going to the couch.

I found Vanessa's contact info - it was under Terminator - and read through her messages.  They were all short and to the point... I couldn't pretend to be Aubrey and send a message like this, she wouldn't understand that I was in danger.

I needed her help.  I needed my mommy.

I couldn't go to the cops, the diaper thing was too humiliating.  I had pushed away most of my other friends, and my co-workers didn't even really like me.  Aubrey was all I had... so Vanessa was my only hope.

I dialed her number and prayed for her to answer... but it went to her voicemail.

"Vanessa," I begged after the beep, "It's Kailee.  I know I don't deserve it, but I need your help.  Aubrey's gone crazy, she's beating me... it's not fun any more, and she won't stop.  Please.  Please Vanessa, I don't know how to make her stop."

I barely stopped myself from crying as I hung up the phone, hoping against hope that Vanessa would listen to my message and come to my rescue.  I knew she hated me now, I didn't deserve help... I deserved what Aubrey was doing to me.  I moved back into Aubrey's room, holding my breath as I stood next to her and plugged her phone in, trying to make sure I was putting it in the same spot.

But I hadn't expected the phone to light up and chime when I plugged it in - mine didn't do that.

Aubrey's eyes opened slowly, but she sat bolt upright when she saw the phone in my hands.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"My phone is dead," I lied, "I just wanted to... "

"So you snuck into my room to take mine?" she growled, grabbing me by the wrist.  I yelped as she tugged me off balance, sending me crashing to the bed... and my butt up in the air.  Agony flared on my bottom as her hand came down on a spot that wasn't even close to healed.  "and you're not wearing your diaper?  Oh that's it, you're losing all toilet privileges as of right now."

"No," I begged.  I hated messing.  I loved the feeling of doing it, but even Vanessa hadn't liked cleaning up after it.  It wasn't fun and it wasn't pleasant.  "Please Aubrey!"  Her hand impacted again and I collapsed, I couldn't take it any more.  I curled into a ball as she hit me, "Please stop... please."  I had stopped trying to safeword, it only made her madder.

"Listen to me, Kailee," she snarled.  "You're not going to wear any clothes around the apartment any more, got it?  And I catch you using the bathroom, I swear I will make you regret it.  This is nothing in comparison.  Do you understand?  Say 'yes Nanny'."

"Yes Nanny," I sobbed as she grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me to a standing position.  She didn't release her grip until she shoved me onto my own bed in my room, throwing a folded diaper at me.

"Put it on," she ordered

"Yes Nanny," I whimpered as I unfolded the diaper, laying it under me and pulling the front up between my legs.  This used to be the best feeling ever, the feeling of a fresh diaper being taped on, but it wasn't fun any more.  Aubrey had ruined it and I didn't even want to look at another diaper.  Once the tapes were secure, I looked up at her for approval.

"Actually," she said snidely, "Put on two."  

She threw another one at me - she didn't seem to understand that wearing two diapers didn't really do anything without poking holes in the first one, but she didn't like being "argued with" any more, so I unfolded it as well, feeling the extra bulk as I taped it around me as well.  It was going to be hard to sleep like this.

"Now thank me," Aubrey demanded.  "Thank me for putting you back in diapers."

"Thank you Nanny," I sniffled.  "Thank you for putting me back in diapers."  I would have loved this if she cared, she was doing all of my favorite things but it just felt bad.  She didn't care.  She didn't care even a little bit, or she'd listen to the safeword.

"Let me know when you've shit yourself," she said, turning off my light and going back to bed.  "And don't take it off."

"Please Vanessa," I whispered as I heard her climb back into her bed.  "Please."

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1st half:

 
So THAT'S what BDSM is supposed to look like! I'm not sure if I've ever seen somebody portray it like that, but now it seems so clear. I've always told myself I'm not into BDSM (despite the stories I choose to read.) But this... I could get into this. :)
 
2nd half:
 
When you  succeed on your stealth check, but the DM planned for you to fail from the beginning... :)
I shouldn't make light of this. That was not funny. I hope Vanessa comes through soon. :(
Or that Kailee snaps and takes a kitchen knife to Aubrey.
Either one will do. 
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6 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

1st half:

So THAT'S what BDSM is supposed to look like! I'm not sure if I've ever seen somebody portray it like that, but now it seems so clear. I've always told myself I'm not into BDSM (despite the stories I choose to read.) But this... I could get into this. :)
 
2nd half:
 
When you  succeed on your stealth check, but the DM planned for you to fail from the beginning... :)
I shouldn't make light of this. That was not funny. I hope Vanessa comes through soon. :(
Or that Kailee snaps and takes a kitchen knife to Aubrey.
Either one will do. 

So that's like saying, "that's what love is supposed to look like."  That's one way BDSM can look.  This is what you would call "light play" - a single pair of cuffs and a cord, and a generally playful attitude.  Totally acceptable, still BDSM.  This is what my partner's favorite way is, her boundaries are really "far in" and heavy play can make her uncomfortable.

My boundaries are pretty "far out" - there are things that make me uncomfortable or scared, but I've never even come close to them - you can only go as far as one partner is capable.  Pushing past your limits is really bad, and asking someone else to push past their limits for you is even worse.  You can stretch limits, but it has to be done with care.

BDSM, to me, is a beautiful expression of love and trust and I'm super-biased, but I think that you can reach a deeper love with kink that you ever could with vanilla lovin'.  It doesn't have to be all whips and chains and darkness to allow someone else to touch your soul.

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9 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

So that's like saying, "that's what love is supposed to look like."  That's one way BDSM can look

Right. I didn’t mean that this is the only way BDSM should look. I guess I meant that this is the first portrayal of BDSM that ever specifically appealed to me.

11 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

but I think that you can reach a deeper love with kink that you ever could with vanilla lovin'

I think it's because Kinks, by their very nature, are shameful things. And to share them with someone requires a level of honesty and vulnerability that Vanillas can go their entire relationships without reaching.

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9 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Right. I didn’t mean that this is the only way BDSM should look. I guess I meant that this is the first portrayal of BDSM that ever specifically appealed to me.

I think it's because Kinks, by their very nature, are shameful things. And to share them with someone requires a level of honesty and vulnerability that Vanillas can go their entire relationships without reaching.

Totally didn't mean to imply that you did.  I'm glad that I could portray a scene that shows you the lighter side :)

BDSM can be very dark, or it can be very cute.  I imagine that Dani never stopped smiling and laughing... well, until she couldn't do anything but moan anyway. ;)

And that's exactly it - you're baring your soul to your partner, you're holding out this most vulnerable part of yourself and giving them the opening to eviscerate you... and hoping they don't.  And if they can hold that vulnerable part of you... well, like I said, I don't think vanilla love can ever reach that depth.  But I'm biased and probably incapable of vanilla love at this point.

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52 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

When you succeed on your stealth check, but the DM planned for you to fail from the beginning... :

 

The story of my current DnD session. It hardly matters if you roll anything very high if my DM does not want anything to happen.

In all seriousness, I am enjoying the parallel opposite situation that is unfolding between the two plots of the story now.

A small comment, I think the word "nanny" should be capitalised as it is currently being used as a name.

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Delicious, Kimmy.  You have hinted multiple ways and times that Dani's interests are compatible with Vanessa's, so Lauren's breakdown was a great way to help Vanessa break through.

Can't wait for more ... and more ... and more ... and ....

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I loved it. I already know I can't have a vanilla relationship, I tried that with my first wife. As far as I know, she was vanilla, but I feel she was into kink, but never shared that part of herself with me and she was not into anything that I was and am into. Though I was young at the time and I wasn't even sure what all I was into at the time since I hadn't had the chance to explore much into kink in general. 

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1 hour ago, HyperShark said:

The story of my current DnD session. It hardly matters if you roll anything very high if my DM does not want anything to happen.

In all seriousness, I am enjoying the parallel opposite situation that is unfolding between the two plots of the story now.

A small comment, I think the word "nanny" should be capitalised as it is currently being used as a name.

That suuuuucks.  I hate railroading DMs.  My favorite games are ones where I have nothing at all planned and I just make stuff up as my players explore.

A fair criticism, I'll ponder it.

1 hour ago, the diaper mike said:

As always Kimmy breathtaking

Don't forget to breathe :O

38 minutes ago, fyunch said:

Delicious, Kimmy.  You have hinted multiple ways and times that Dani's interests are compatible with Vanessa's, so Lauren's breakdown was a great way to help Vanessa break through.

Can't wait for more ... and more ... and more ... and ....

We're into the juicy stuff now!  Which means all hell is going to break loose and ruin it... any... minute...

21 minutes ago, Aries said:

I loved it. I already know I can't have a vanilla relationship, I tried that with my first wife. As far as I know, she was vanilla, but I feel she was into kink, but never shared that part of herself with me and she was not into anything that I was and am into. Though I was young at the time and I wasn't even sure what all I was into at the time since I hadn't had the chance to explore much into kink in general. 

Yeah, communication is super important.  Kinda the point of all of my stories ;)

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1 hour ago, bbykimmy said:

We're into the juicy stuff now!  Which means all hell is going to break loose and ruin it... any... minute...

I will be waiting at the edge of my seat for the world to end as we know it. Which I already am on the edge of my seat so I don't have to go far lol.

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4 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

Chapter Twenty-Five

 

Damn what a contrast....

If I was Kaylee I'd pack a bag and head for a motel at that point.

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5 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

If I was Kaylee I'd pack a bag and head for a motel at that point.

 

That would suggest that Aubrey has not already confiscated her wallet along with any money she has.

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5 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

That would suggest that Aubrey has not already confiscated her wallet along with any money she has.

Damn your right, that is a common tactic of abusers. She should seriously be considering a shelter right now. I'm really worried.

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She's too afraid of being shamed for her kink to look to the traditional routes and she doesn't fully see what Aubrey is doing as abuse.

It's as plain as day to us that she needs to GTFO, but Aubrey is her best friend and it's hard to see when a relationship like that goes wrong until you're away from it.

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11 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

She's too afraid of being shamed for her kink to look to the traditional routes and she doesn't fully see what Aubrey is doing as abuse.

It's as plain as day to us that she needs to GTFO, but Aubrey is her best friend and it's hard to see when a relationship like that goes wrong until you're away from it.

That is true. I didn't see that my first marriage was bad till long after I stepped away from it. Not sure why since she literally almost killed me by smothering me with a pillow for no reason other then I didn't hear our baby son crying in his crib next to me, after i feel asleep after working 12+ hours and she was there to take care of him. No idea how I was able to pick her up and throw her off of me, she's not a small person at all. 

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10 minutes ago, Aries said:

That is true. I didn't see that my first marriage was bad till long after I stepped away from it. Not sure why since she literally almost killed me by smothering me with a pillow for no reason other then I didn't hear our baby son crying in his crib next to me, after i feel asleep after working 12+ hours and she was there to take care of him. No idea how I was able to pick her up and throw her off of me, she's not a small person at all. 

Oh... shit. (wants to give Aries a hug but isn't sure that isn't overstepping)

22 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

She's too afraid of being shamed for her kink to look to the traditional routes and she doesn't fully see what Aubrey is doing as abuse.

It's as plain as day to us that she needs to GTFO, but Aubrey is her best friend and it's hard to see when a relationship like that goes wrong until you're away from it.

Yeah I guess I just in the mood of wanting to kick Aubrey's ass and then scoop Kaylee up and let her know everything going to be okay. I have an enneagram 5 with mix of 4/6 wings. Five and six is the defender. So I guess I  have this tendency of wanting to charge to the rescue.

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45 minutes ago, Aries said:

That is true. I didn't see that my first marriage was bad till long after I stepped away from it. Not sure why since she literally almost killed me by smothering me with a pillow for no reason other then I didn't hear our baby son crying in his crib next to me, after i feel asleep after working 12+ hours and she was there to take care of him. No idea how I was able to pick her up and throw her off of me, she's not a small person at all. 

I am deeply sorry that happened to you.  I'm glad you're okay.

37 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Oh... shit. (wants to give Aries a hug but isn't sure that isn't overstepping)

Yeah I guess I just in the mood of wanting to kick Aubrey's ass and then scoop Kaylee up and let her know everything going to be okay. I have an enneagram 5 with mix of 4/6 wings. Five and six is the defender. So I guess I  have this tendency of wanting to charge to the rescue.

Down, Ashley!

This is the one story you don't have to go aggro on, remember?

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5 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I am deeply sorry that happened to you.  I'm glad you're okay.

Down, Ashley!

This is the one story you don't have to go aggro on, remember?

Sorry :blush:

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40 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

(wants to give Aries a hug but isn't sure that isn't overstepping)

My whole family is huggers, they hug everyone. Normally I don't like to be touched, something I have just realized, but it seems my brain can shut that part off long enough for a friend or family member to get a hug in.

 

6 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I am deeply sorry that happened to you.  I'm glad you're okay.

It is what it is. I have come to terms with a lot. The past can't hurt me, but I can learn from it and move on.

 

7 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Down, Ashley!

This is the one story you don't have to go aggro on, remember?

WHAT, but, but, but, we all want to see her do that. *grin*

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4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Sorry :blush:

I'm teasing ;)

It's my fault for putting poor Kailee in that situation.  I had no idea it was going to go that way until it was too late.  Aubrey was just this bit character to ruffle Vanessa's feathers until the moment Nessa spanked Kailee right in front of her, then everything fell to hell.

You have nothing to apologize for <3

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3 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I'm teasing ;)

It's my fault for putting poor Kailee in that situation.  I had no idea it was going to go that way until it was too late.  Aubrey was just this bit character to ruffle Vanessa's feathers until the moment Nessa spanked Kailee right in front of her, then everything fell to hell.

You have nothing to apologize for <3

lol

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3 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

lol

I've mentioned it before, but writing these stories is often like playing an RPG all by myself sometimes.  I make the characters in my head, give them all personalities, histories, likes and dislikes, and I sort of "ask them" how they'd react given a stimulus... and often I don't know what that's going to look like until I'm typing.

It's fun - it's especially fun when they surprise me.

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