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Breaking the Girl: A Novel


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7 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

The Aubrey POV chapter really changed the direction of the work - which wouldn't have existed without Wannatripbaby's feedback.  He was my beta reader and he was getting the chapters as I wrote them.. until the last sprint.  I wrote the final 20,000 words of the 82,000 word work in 3 days... and then I made him wait like everyone else because I'm cruel.

Thank you to everyone who read and commented, thank you especially to Trip, Ellie, and dman who encouraged me to pick this story back up after it lay dormant with only 2 chapters for an entire year.  This story exists because you were passionate enough to remind me that the seed was good and the first 2 chapters were interesting.

It was truly an honor and joy to play a small role in resurrecting this masterpiece. :) ♡♡♡♡♡

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6 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Agreed. I think the main reason Kimmy feels this ending was "too happy" was because we sort of glossed over the months of pain and healing which would've required a 2nd, much less sexy novel to cover adequately.

Agreed. I can't speak for Kimmy. But yeah I could see it being tough; striking that balance between ending succinctly with punch and still wrapping up all threads satisfactorily.

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11 minutes ago, diaperpt said:

"...her illness was part of what made her so good at her job,"  I wonder too, the extent to which the reverse was or could be true. In order to be better at her job, did she fall to the temptation of tools accessible to her. Once those tools had been used professionally, as wrong as it was, who wouldn't be tempted to use them in her private life? Intellectually we know the ends shouldn't justify the means, but it's so easy to do that when your emotional state infringes on your rational side.

So it seems largely that several characters were broken... in the best possible way. I find it hard to label any of the main characters evil. The bad things done may have started off cold and calculating - especially Vanessa - but as was pointed out, it was a mental condition (I don't want to say sickness) which led to it.

As a trans woman who didn't even recognize who she was until late in life, when I finally broke down the emotional walls holding me from that knowledge, I supposedly ruined the lives of my family. While I can say their lack of acceptance was their own mental issues, coming out and transitioning was devastating to them. I can't deny that. I'm sorry for what was done, but happier than I've ever been. To that extent, how different am I from Vanessa? Oh, as you regret the somewhat happy ending, Vanessa and Dani did work things out while I'm now on my own and I suspect my ex is very unhappy (not that she wasn't to a great extent even in our best times together.

And, btw, while I've not indulged in comments, I've read many of them and found them fascinating. Most of all, I've loved the story!

Well thank you for joining us, PT.

You're absolutely right - Vanessa's condition was almost certainly worsened by her professional work, she was getting a steady stream of positive reinforcement for a very negative thing... and so she got better at it.

Every single character in this work is broken.  Vanessa is a literal sociopath with a "not severe" case of antisocial personality disorder (YourFNF nailed it early on), Dani lacks self-confidence and self-reflection and doesn't love herself, Seth has major anger and control issues, Jess has self-esteem problems and has cut herself off from the world and she's going to spiral into agoraphobia if she doesn't leave the apartment more, Aubrey has MAJOR self-worth issues and massive childhood trauma, and Kailee was a deeply selfish person who refused to put the needs of others before her own wants despite claiming to love them.

I want you to hear me when I say this:  you didn't hurt anyone by transitioning.  People were hurt by your transition.  You didn't ruin anyone's life.  Some people allowed their lives to be negatively affected by it.  You seeking to be your most authentic and genuine self is a beautiful thing.  People getting hurt by something you did not to hurt them but to improve your own life is not a thing you have to own.  They can be hurt and you can be sad that they hurt, but it's not your fault.  You don't own that pain, you're not responsible for that pain.  You didn't transition out of malice - chances are, you did it to save your own life.

I'm glad you found the strength to be you even though people around you derived pain from it.

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About Vanessa:

Her hacking didn't really bother me (I know its fiction) until the last time she did it when Dani went to meet Julian at the spaghetti restaurant.  It was at that point, I knew it was more than protecting herself, that it was a pattern.  If she had not done it then, she would not have been caught.

Also when you worded your reply to the sleepover, I knew it wasn't going to happen.....  you said something like I want. That was when I actually thought you would take the alternate route.

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7 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Her hacking didn't really bother me (I know its fiction) until the last time she did it when Dani went to meet Julian at the spaghetti restaurant

For me it was when she installed the tracker. I was like "Yeah, maybe she's crossed a line somewhere... ?"

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12 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I want you to hear me when I say this:  you didn't hurt anyone by transitioning.  People were hurt by your transition.  You didn't ruin anyone's life.  Some people allowed their lives to be negatively affected by it.  You seeking to be your most authentic and genuine self is a beautiful thing.  People getting hurt by something you did not to hurt them but to improve your own life is not a thing you have to own.  They can be hurt and you can be sad that they hurt, but it's not your fault.  You don't own that pain, you're not responsible for that pain.  You didn't transition out of malice - chances are, you did it to save your own life.

Thanks for your kind words. I do feel my own case was an unfortunate situation which had to be so that, as you say, I could save my own life. I was totally blind to being trans just as Vanessa was blind to her issues. Yes, hers were truly wrong while mine were circumstantial. I didn't do wrong; I actually did the only thing I could do and that is to survive. There are times when all of that blurs and I guess that's my point about the story. We are all benefactors and victims of our past made up of all those around us, our own genetic make-up, and the attitudes we develop over time. I think you've done a masterful job of portraying that in all the main characters, their strengths and weaknesses, their illnesses and hangups.

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37 minutes ago, fyunch said:

Bravo!

Thank you!  I'm truly, deeply proud of this story.

33 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

(slows claps building to applause) Holy shit what a ride! I feel like you struck a good balance with that ending. Actions by the characters had consequences and Vanessa was forced to address her behavior and get help. Because she was willing to admit fault and put in the work we get so see a redemption. While still giving Dani agency and a choice.

Once again hell of a ride.

Thank you, thank you.  I am happy that Vanessa had to face the music, and I really hope that the reader had to face the truth of themselves in realizing that they were rooting for the sociopath.  Yes, I manipulated the camera to make Vanessa lovable, but I did NOT obscure the awful, awful things she did and the terrible decisions she made along the way.

The reader was supposed to root for Vanessa... and feel uncomfortable for doing so all at the while.  :)

32 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

I can do both.  I actually have a musical composition degree.  That's not the title of it but the gist.  Let me know .... I'll help you.

I might hit you up for advice.  I have a subject, I have some very raw, painful words that need to be massaged into meter, and I have the beginnings of a chord progression.  It's a thing I would like to finish, but it's a very raw spot in my heart.

22 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Agreed. I think the main reason Kimmy feels this ending was "too happy" was because we sort of glossed over the months of pain and healing which would've required a 2nd, much less sexy novel to cover adequately.

It's more that I'm in a tough time in my life right now and the doesn't feel "realistic" - but that's mostly me being negative and struggling.

21 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

For my closing thoughts what I'll say is this, your story raised questions and emotions in this reader. Which is exactly what art should.

Thank you!  I actually do feel that what I did with Vanessa and putting the reader in a position to really struggle with not wanting to root for the obvious sociopath but doing so anyway qualifies it as art :)  I'm comfortable with this designation, it really does feel like a full novel.

The smut chapter sure doesn't earn it that classification :D 

20 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

It was truly an honor and joy to play a small role in resurrecting this masterpiece. :) ♡♡♡♡♡

Thank you for being one of my beta readers and keeping me excited about the story!  Reactions to my work is what fuels me!

19 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Agreed. I can't speak for Kimmy. But yeah I could see it being tough; striking that balance between ending succinctly with punch and still wrapping up all threads satisfactorily.

Well, I could have given it a really painful, tragic ending where no one was happy.

But this felt like the "correct" ending.

17 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

It was one heck of a Wild Ride.

Thanks for riding!

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12 minutes ago, diaperpt said:

Thanks for your kind words. I do feel my own case was an unfortunate situation which had to be so that, as you say, I could save my own life. I was totally blind to being trans just as Vanessa was blind to her issues. Yes, hers were truly wrong while mine were circumstantial. I didn't do wrong; I actually did the only thing I could do and that is to survive. There are times when all of that blurs and I guess that's my point about the story. We are all benefactors and victims of our past made up of all those around us, our own genetic make-up, and the attitudes we develop over time. I think you've done a masterful job of portraying that in all the main characters, their strengths and weaknesses, their illnesses and hangups.

Almost everyone alive is walking around with crippling emotional damage, these mental landmines planted by a lifetime of trauma.  The wrong word from the wrong person can trigger something and send you spiraling... and in the US, mental health has this stigma, like you're weak for seeking it.  And then it's prohibitively expensive even if you manage to get over the social hurdle of starting the whole process.

And sometimes you can't see the way up until you're laying on the ground at the bottom, when the choices you're looking at are literally "get help" or "die".

I'm lucky - I have fantastic insurance through my employer and I've been attending weekly (sometimes twice-weekly) therapy sessions for the past 2 years.  And yet I'm still just scratching the surface of the damage that my own mother gave me - not out of malice, but out of selfishness.  And it's really scary how that damage, how that lack of love in my life, affected everything.  How it shaped the person that I am.

I'm glad you're still with us, I'm sorry you had to find the bottom before you could climb up.

It's hard.

And you're right, that's part of the point of the story :)

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I probably let out the largest sign of relief in all of the history of mankind. :P The ending is probably the best ending i could of hoped for, i was really worried leading up to this because i always thought the title was foreshadowing a much sadder ending where Dani leaves and Vannesa is really broken. However i'm really really really happy that they were able to stay together and work through their problems to find happiness in the end. :D 

I can't help but wonder what came of Aubrey, Julian, and Lauren; it's an attest to your writing that i care so much about all the side characters and lesser developed characters wishing they would find their own happiness eventually, especially Aubrey i hope she sought out help and could make peace with her childhood trauma. :(

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15 minutes ago, Hopsalot said:

@bbykimmy you almost never write the endings I ever expect, and every single time I’m more satisfied with your version leaving no lose ends, writing a solution to the problem while still maintaining the relationship. and the character arcs with Vanessa and Dani and even kailee. All in all Vanessa is a really high functioning sociopath! And I’m so happy with how this turned out! An amazing story.

If I wrote the ending you expected, you wouldn't get any satisfaction from reading it!

There are a shocking number of sociopaths wandering the world.  Ever met a CEO?  Lotta sociopaths at the C-level.

Thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you enjoyed the ride <3

8 minutes ago, foofybabykitten said:

I probably let out the largest sign of relief in all of the history of mankind. :P The ending is probably the best ending i could of hoped for, i was really worried leading up to this because i always thought the title was foreshadowing a much sadder ending where Dani leaves and Vannesa is really broken. However i'm really really really happy that they were able to stay together and work through their problems to find happiness in the end. :D 

I can't help but wonder what came of Aubrey, Julian, and Lauren; it's an attest to your writing that i care so much about all the side characters and lesser developed characters wishing they would find their own happiness eventually, especially Aubrey i hope she sought out help and could make peace with her childhood trauma. :(

I'm glad you enjoyed the ending <3

I wrote the title before I knew what the book was about, so titles aren't always the best with me ;)  I very rarely know what I'm writing until it's there... and by then I've usually posted a bunch of it under a working title.  But I like this one, it fits.

Aubrey was hurt and angry that Kailee left and turned her back on her friend in rage and spite.  She married a middle-management type and is still with him, years later.  But she's cheating on him.

For Julian, it was just another breakup - it wasn't life-changing.  He worried about Dani, but if someone wants to go lay in bed with a monster, you can't stop them.  A person has to want to help themselves.  He contacted her several times to make sure she was okay, but washed his hands of her when he found out that she went back to the psycho she cheated on him with at the end of it all.

Lauren felt immensely happy at breaking them up, and was very angry when she found out they got back together.  She's still seeking her mate but isn't having much luck - she's unconsciously pushing people away.

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19 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

It's more that I'm in a tough time in my life right now and the doesn't feel "realistic" - but that's mostly me being negative and struggling.

I'm glad you can recognize that.

23 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Well, I could have given it a really painful, tragic ending where no one was happy.

But this felt like the "correct" ending.

Well sure, you could have written anything! You could have written that a meteor struck the earth and killed everyone. But that wouldn’t have been the least bit satisfying.

While it's true that Happy Endings and Satisfying Endings aren't synonymous, there is a correlation. And I Have seen stories that shoehorn in happy endings in the last chapter that felt very unsatisfactory.

Can you even name one popular story that didn't end with at least some happiness?

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8 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I'm glad you can recognize that.

Well sure, you could have written anything! You could have written that a meteor struck the earth and killed everyone. But that wouldn’t have been the least bit satisfying.

While it's true that Happy Endings and Satisfying Endings aren't synonymous, there is a correlation. And I Have seen stories that shoehorn in happy endings in the last chapter that felt very unsatisfactory.

Can you even name one popular story that didn't end with at least some happiness?

Romeo and Juliet ;)

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I actually went and dug up my old account info and finally bothered to log in for the first time in years, just to say that this was an amazing story. This is one of the few I found myself checking every morning for an update. While I am sad to see it end, the ride was unforgettable.

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On 7/25/2018 at 3:28 PM, Wannatripbaby said:

My guess is going to be... 7! I think this story has 38 chapter. Everyone hold me to that guess and never let me forget about it if I turn out to be wrong. :D

I mean if you don't count the epilogue then I guess you were 100% right on this front. :D

Anyway, the ending was not as dark and sad as I expected a few days ago.

1 hour ago, bbykimmy said:

Truth be told, I was disappointed in myself for writing this ending.  It felt too neat, too kind.  The betrayal forgiven, the illness springing from an unseen trauma recognized and treated... 

I felt that that you struck a good balance between resolving things in the end and acknowledging the damage and conflict that happened in the story.

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5 minutes ago, Kamasu said:

I actually went and dug up my old account info and finally bothered to log in for the first time in years, just to say that this was an amazing story. This is one of the few I found myself checking every morning for an update. While I am sad to see it end, the ride was unforgettable.

Wow!  That's very flattering, thank you so much for going through the trouble just to let me know!

This is the reason I post one-per-day - I want people to WANT to come back, day after day, knowing that the next part will be waiting for them.  Thank you for going on this journey with me, and thank you for letting me know <3

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4 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

You won't, but then that's why I offered.

You offered because you thought I wouldn't take you up on it?  :O

Well that seems insincere!  :P  I just might - the song has been in its current very unfinished state for six or seven months, but I think it's a message worth sharing.

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This novel was so engaging the entire way through. It was wonderful to read a story with developed characters that I felt emotionally invested in. Selfishly I’m glad that you published the epilogues today and didn’t make us wait until Monday. I have been struck with the nuances and flaws of the characters. For example with Jess, a lot of abdl stories paint 24/7 little mode as amazing and I liked how you pointed out the drawbacks. I want to recommend this to some of my vanilla friends who are avid readers, but not sure how they would react to the diapers/cribs etc. 

As a side note I now need to set aside time to go back and read all your other stories ?

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18 minutes ago, Luap1123 said:

This novel was so engaging the entire way through. It was wonderful to read a story with developed characters that I felt emotionally invested in. Selfishly I’m glad that you published the epilogues today and didn’t make us wait until Monday. I have been struck with the nuances and flaws of the characters. For example with Jess, a lot of abdl stories paint 24/7 little mode as amazing and I liked how you pointed out the drawbacks. I want to recommend this to some of my vanilla friends who are avid readers, but not sure how they would react to the diapers/cribs etc. 

As a side note I now need to set aside time to go back and read all your other stories ?

Well, the Epilogues weren't chapters and I wanted the closure - I wouldn't gain anything by making everyone wait.  You could tell by the end of 38 that the story was done and drawing it out would just let you slip out of the mental place and lessen the meaning of the epilogue.

There is a small chance I might go back and edit this and turn the ABDL scenes into BDSM scenes and publish this on Amazon... the Little archetypes I presented also exist in BDSM (bratty sub, service sub, princess sub) and the diapers weren't really central to the plot... it just happens to be my (and your) fetish.  I'm also very subby in the "traditional" BDSM sense and a lot of this could translate.  The crib becomes a bondage bed, the Little clothing becomes fetishwear, pacis become gags, etc.

I think the story is good enough and the meaning is deep enough that it might be worth going through the extra effort to open it to a wider audience.

I've lived as a 24/7 lifestyle sub and I've lived as a 24/7 lifestyle Little.  It really is fantastic, but if your relationship isn't rock solid, it can be really, deeply damaging.  I was encouraging my partner to engage in some emotionally abusive behaviors (because it was sexy) and then when I ran into some personal snags, suddenly those behaviors hurt my feelings a lot.  My self-expression was being stifled and it was driving a wedge between us.

Example:  She forbade me from cooking because I was "too Little".  I love cooking... but if I flub it (I once tried a Tasty recipe of onion rings with cheeseburger meat in the middle, deep fried and it was AWFUL), I sometimes get hurt feelings and I get sad, like I'm deficient.  So she forbade me from cooking under the guise of being "too Little"... but the real reason was that she didn't want me to get hurt if I failed.  It was fun for a while, but after a month of not cooking (and our eating out bill going up a LOT as a result because she hates to cook), I started to get really sad.  I love cooking, I love expressing myself that way even if I'm not the best at it.

But if I fought back, I was being a "bad Little" and I got punished for it - which was fun... but it wasn't helping me deal with my big feelings.  Safewording made things uncomfortable between us and neither of us were happy.

I'm not lifestyle (24/7) now, scenes with my mommy-type have to be laid out beforehand and expectations have to be set.  Our relationship almost exploded because our lifestyle play was masking some very real feelings and some cracks were forming in the foundation of our relationship (which isn't the healthiest to begin with)...

We hope to get back there, she really misses having a diapered Little bottom to pat anytime she wants, but I have to get to a healthier place for me and for us before we can try again.

45 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

I mean if you don't count the epilogue then I guess you were 100% right on this front. :D

Anyway, the ending was not as dark and sad as I expected a few days ago.

I felt that that you struck a good balance between resolving things in the end and acknowledging the damage and conflict that happened in the story.

Thanks for sticking with me on this!  I'm glad you enjoyed the ride.  I appreciate your commentary and your positive presence :D

And yeah, Trip knows me pretty well, it seems... he's definitely in the running for my "biggest fan" <3

17 minutes ago, the diaper mike said:

Simply Amazing

Thank you!  Even a comment as simple as this one means a lot to me, if you enjoyed this story and can take a moment to let me know, I really, really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading <3  A story with no readers isn't a story, it's just words.

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Maybe I missed it with all the comments, but way back you said when the story finished you would say How You Came Up With the Title and why you chose the name Dani....   at least that's what I think I remember reading earier.

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9 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Maybe I missed it with all the comments, but way back you said when the story finished you would say How You Came Up With the Title and why you chose the name Dani....   at least that's what I think I remember reading earier.

I figured if anyone was going to ask, it was going to be you - you have an incredible memory, Ellie.

I was actually listening to a lot of Red Hot Chili Peppers when I first wrote the first chapter to this story - and Breaking the Girl is a great song, and I knew I wanted the story to be about a domme pursuing a sub and breaking her in.  It turned out to be much more than that and the title works really, really well because by the end, every girl is broken in one way or another, including me as the author (I did break and give it a happy ending).

For the second question...

My middle name is Danielle :D

Oh, and I lived in California for a while - which is why it's set there :)

I was Dani California all along :O

6 minutes ago, herezulo said:

This was an awesome story with a very satisfying ending. The whole story felt very "you." Full of feeling, and reminiscent of Making the Best of It. Thank you for sharing it with us. 

Thanks for joining me on the journey!  There was a lot of me in this one.  I think it's definitely hard to decide which I like more between my 3 novel-length works.  Thank you for reading it <3

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