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Breaking the Girl: A Novel


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Yes! Finally, everyone is hurt and suffering!  Unfortunately there is still ample room to turn the tide and reach the abhorred happy ending, the one where everyone forgives (almost) all the othes and, even worse, learns from the made mistakes.

But maybe this is the story where Kimmy sharpens her fangs for f(g)ood and pulls out a real dark tragic ending.

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5 minutes ago, Bonsai said:

Yes! Finally, everyone is hurt and suffering!  Unfortunately there is still ample room to turn the tide and reach the abhorred happy ending, the one where everyone forgives (almost) all the othes and, even worse, learns from the made mistakes.

But maybe this is the story where Kimmy sharpens her fangs for f(g)ood and pulls out a real dark tragic ending.

Always love your insight, Bonsai.  A sharp one you are.

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2 hours ago, ELLIE52 said:

The harmonies about halfway through..... nice.  

Kimmy's hit 1000+

What harm could it be to tell us how many chapters remain?

Yay!  I'm in the 4-digit club!

All I'll say is this:  there are fewer than 5 chapters remaining.

1 hour ago, Hopsalot said:

Someone said early around the unexpected video call when Dani saw Jess in diapers or something, hoping that Jess would go all yoda i think they said and teach her the way and why it’s good or something. And that’s like what just happened! And yessss go Jess saving the day!

Jess is messed up here.  You should be scared for Jess.

4 minutes ago, Bonsai said:

Yes! Finally, everyone is hurt and suffering!  Unfortunately there is still ample room to turn the tide and reach the abhorred happy ending, the one where everyone forgives (almost) all the othes and, even worse, learns from the made mistakes.

But maybe this is the story where Kimmy sharpens her fangs for food and pulls out a real dark tragic ending.

So am I going soft... or going for blood?  That's the question.

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3 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

I felt like I was torn in two.  Part of me, some deep part, was feeling awful for betraying Dani's trust, that this was all my fault, that I deserved it.  Part of me was saying that everyone would get that kind of information if they had the ability, that it wasn't my fault the systems were insecure, it wasn't my fault that the information was there for the taking.  Part of me thought that the crib needed a mobile.

I would give this three likes if I could, just for that third “Part of me”

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I think I know what breaking the girl means...

I'm guessing that many of the readers will think it's a happy ending, missing the darkness that bbk prefers

 

btw, this is probs my favorite piece of fetish fiction I've ever read. At least one of them

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You know I just kind of had a realization about my relationship with my parents today and how while not full on abusive they tended to be rather controlling. Still are come to think of it. It really puts an interesting light on the Vanessa/Dani dynamic. How someone can be toxic without being a full on monster. I wonder if this actually kinda primed the pump unconsciously speaking.

@bbykimmy

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1 hour ago, apollo1969 said:

I think I know what breaking the girl means...

I'm guessing that many of the readers will think it's a happy ending, missing the darkness that bbk prefers

  

btw, this is probs my favorite piece of fetish fiction I've ever read. At least one of them

Hello Apollo <3

First-ever commenters have a special place in my heart.  Thank you so much for the kind words.

So are you suggesting the title itself is meta and I'm the girl that's breaking?  ;)

And to say I prefer darkness is too strong!  I'm a being of sweetness and light!  Of joy and play and happy things.

To know that this is a contender for your favorite makes me feel good - thank you for sharing that <3

1 hour ago, YourFNF said:

You know I just kind of had a realization about my relationship with my parents today and how while not full on abusive they tended to be rather controlling. Still are come to think of it. It really puts an interesting light on the Vanessa/Dani dynamic. How someone can be toxic without being a full on monster. I wonder if this actually kinda primed the pump unconsciously speaking.

 @bbykimmy

Varying degrees :)

I hope the realization was gentle and not painful.  Figuring those kinds of things out can be the key to self-improvement, to not be governed by the damage of our past.

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What a tease you are, Kimmy!

After dashing our hopes for Dani and Nessa, you give us hints of "Love Will Find A Way."

I'm checking this thread regularly in eager anticipation of another aliquot of the story.

My only fear is that you will, as you have promised, bring the story to a close.  I don't think I want it to linger on like a soap opera, but somehow I want it to continue.  I guess Freswith has the long-running story concept established with Phone Conversation ... that thread's been quiet for a long time, so I recently bumped it up in hope of reviving it.

I really like these stories (Kimmy's and Freswith's) that are about people and relationships that also include our fetish.  They're more fun that the vigorous pr0n stuff that I write.

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Chapter Thirty-Eight

I ached.  It had been three days since Dani left.

I had thought about hunting her down so many times.  I had so many unwanted paranoid fantasies of her dead, face-down in a gutter.  She was my Little, I couldn't help but worry about her.

Seth had offered to find her for me, to trace her credit card usage.  He had told me that she called Jess, that Jess had confirmed everything.  That she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what I had done.  I couldn't be mad at Jess, she didn't understand.  She thought she was helping.  Lauren had been the one with malicious intent.

I had turned him down.  It would only make things worse.

I had been tempted, sorely tempted, but I had turned him down.  If Dani was ever going to trust me again, I had to let her come to me.  I couldn't go finding her, that would only tell her that Lauren was right, that I was controlling and manipulative... but I didn't feel controlling or manipulative... I had done what I did out of love.  Maybe not at first... but I had my reasons - I had to know before making myself vulnerable that she even had the potential to enjoy being Little.

I hadn't done anything to hurt her.

But I couldn't chase her.  I couldn't find her.  I couldn't swoop in and save her and cuddle her close and promise her that she was my perfect, beautiful princess and that I'd always love her.

I had to give her the space to come back to me - and it was the hardest thing in the world.

I had to hope she would.

*     *     *

I felt numb.  I had been squatting in the hotel room for three days, too jumbled to go out, existing on delivered pizza and infomercials.  I had called in sick to work.  I had only really left once - to pick up a charger for my phone.  I kept logging into my social media accounts to see if Vanessa had left any traces of spying on me, but I didn't even know what to look for.  I hadn't caught wind of anything before.  She had installed a tracker on my phone... but I never left it unlocked, not after the time Jenni had grabbed it to check the time and got greeted with a dirty picture of Elaine.  She could have been watching me through the camera on my phone and I'd have no way of knowing.

I spent the days obsessing, searching for information about spying girlfriends, spying husbands, what would lead a person to do it, trying to figure out the reasons why she had done it, what motivated her.  When I closed my eyes, I could see Vanessa's face - the cold expression as Lauren revealed her sins to me.  How she had just failed to react.  There was no shame there, no remorse.

I had been pondering that face for three days.

Did she even love me?  Did she ever love me?

I pondered her other faces, her Mommy face, her gamer face, her friend face, her lover face.  Were they all lies?  Vanessa had stolen my heart more thoroughly than any partner ever before.  She had become my everything, and now that my everything was gone, I was hollow.

Some of my research into spying lovers had led me to psychology articles, and some of them pointed to this being a personality disorder.  It was a hard pill to swallow.  I didn't want to believe it - she matched so many of the symptoms... but there were so many others that were flat out wrong.  She wasn't impulsive - she planned meticulously.  She wasn't irritable or aggressive, she was very calm, collected, and gentle.  I couldn't imagine her hurting me in anger.  She wasn't irresponsible... she was an entrepreneur, she was honestly the most responsible person I knew.

Some signs were unmistakable however - disregard for laws, deceitfulness and repeated lying.  Lack of remorse.

That was the one that haunted me.  The stone face she had given when Lauren had revealed everything.

What if that face was the true face?  What if all the others were false?

But I loved her.  I loved her deeply and I hurt without her.  I missed my friend, I missed my gaming buddy, I missed my lover.  I missed my mommy.

The last three days had felt so empty without her.

But what if the articles were right?  The general advice for someone in my situation was to run.  To run and to never look back.

It took me three days to sift through all the thoughts and feelings, half expecting Vanessa to come bursting through the door after hunting me down through computer trickery.  But she never did.  And the conclusion that I came to was that I had to try.  I picked up my phone, watching my hand shake as I held it, but I didn't feel it - it was like the hand belonged to someone else.

And I dialed Vanessa.

"Hello?" she sounded worried.  She sounded scared.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Are you okay?" she asked.  I had been expecting her to demand to know where I was.. but she was scared, she wanted to know I was okay.  But what if it was an act?

"I'm not okay," I said, a lump rising in my throat, "I'm not okay.  I hurt so much."

"I'm sorry," her voice cracked, like she was crying.  I had never seen her cry before, never heard anything but calmness and happiness out of her.  Even her voicemails were calm concern.  It was jarring.  "I'm so sorry."

"I'm at a hotel in Milpitas - the Baymont," I said softly.  "Will you come get me?"

I checked out of the hotel, feeling scared, feeling worried - both that it wouldn't work out and that it would.  There was something wrong with Vanessa.  Something wrong in Vanessa.  But it didn't change the fact that I loved her.  That I was ready to take a chance... if she was ready to change.  She got there quickly, before the doubts really had a chance to settle in, before I could talk myself out of getting in her car.

As I sat in her passenger seat, as we sat in the parking lot of the hotel, I couldn't look at her.

"I didn't run into you at the coffee shop by accident, did I?" I asked quietly.

"No," she admitted.  At least she was telling the truth.  I'd probably believe her if she lied at this point.  "I knew it was your regular stop and I waited there for you."

"You already knew I liked the dumpling house we went to on our first date too, didn't you?"

"You left a glowing Yelp review for it," she said softly.  "I wanted to take you somewhere that I knew you'd like."

"Our whole relationship is based on a lie," I whispered, feeling like I was bleeding all over again.

"Not a lie," she said.  "Not a lie.  I had more information that you thought, but I only used it to get closer to you."

"Don't you see how wrong that is!?"  I turned in my seat to face her, fury rising inside me.  "Can you even hear yourself?  You only used it to get closer to me?  That's something you'd hear a from a psycho in a thriller film, Vanessa!"  She winced.  I felt a pang of guilt in my heart.

"But I'd never hurt you... "

"You stalked me!" I wailed, my sadness and frustration pouring out of me, emotions I thought were drained and gone after three days of spiraling through them over and over.  "You violated my privacy!  You violated my trust!  I thought trust was sacred to you?  I don't understand how you could teach me all of these things about knowing myself, about loving myself, about boundaries and honesty and trust.  And you were stalking me!"

"I... " she stammered.  I had never seen that either, not like this.  She was always so sure, so confident.  Her façade was cracking, and I could see Vanessa beneath it, vulnerable and hurting too.  I wanted nothing more than to reach over and comfort her as she had comforted me so many times, this emotionally mature, together woman... but I felt peeled back and raw, I ached from the betrayal.  "I was so afraid, Dani."

"Afraid of what?" I demanded.

"Afraid of getting hurt again.  I didn't think of it as a violation, I thought of it as protecting myself.  I had to know how likely you were to even want the things I wanted, to want to be my Little.  Not everyone is suited to it, and it's so very important to me.  I've been rejected so many times, I've been torn apart and discarded after I poured everything into a relationship, into forming a bond with someone I thought could be Little... I had to know if you would hurt me the same way."

"That's not how you do it, Vanessa.  Love hurts.  You're going to get hurt.  You have to be vulnerable, you have to run that risk.  I made myself vulnerable to you, I trusted you."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.  "I did it wrong.  I just needed to know... "

"Are you sorry?" I demanded.  "Are you?  Or would you do it again?  Are you going to do it to the next girl if I leave?"

"Please don't leave," she begged.  It was a sobering sight, the mighty Vanessa pleading.  My heart hurt for her.

"Why shouldn't I?" I sighed.  "Why shouldn't I just walk out of your life and never look back?  Are you going to hack my accounts to make me stay?"

"No," tears were streaming down her face and regret bit me hard.  "No, I would never hurt you.  I won't stop you from leaving.  I don't blame you for leaving.  I'll miss you... "

"Do you see that what you did was wrong?"

"No," she admitted.  "I see that it hurt you and that was wrong, but isn't it normal to try to protect oneself?  I've been hurt so many times... "

"And if you want to find love, you have to open yourself to that hurt again.  And again.  And again.  It sucks, but it's part of being human."

"I'm sorry, Dani.  I'm so sorry... I think there's something wrong with me.  What should I do?  What do I do now?"

She looked so lost, sounded so hurt.  I had shattered her as thoroughly as the revelation had shattered me.  She was shaking, tears rolling down her cheeks, her breathing ragged.  I had never seen her so wounded, so destroyed.  It was hard to look at, to see the woman who had been my Mommy so recently... so defeated.

And I knew I loved her.  I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone, and that's why it hurt so much.  That's why it was so hard.  Because no one had ever touched the core of me before, not in the way that she did.  She was my best friend.  She was my lover.  She was my Mommy.  She was all those things to me and everything in between, and so she had more power to hurt me than anyone else had ever had in my adult life.  I had bared my soul to her, not knowing that it had begun on a foundation of mistrust and lies.  And now, as it crumbled around me, I couldn't let go of that shining hope.

Intellectually, I knew that the answer was to get the fuck out of there.  To run and to never look back.  To never have the name Vanessa on my lips again.  I had all the resources I needed, I could stay in a hotel room for a few more nights, I could find a new apartment, I could keep going with my normal, vanilla life - I could go back to being what I was.  But I couldn't.  I had never had a relationship as deep as my love with Vanessa.  I had never bound myself three ways to a person before, friend, lover, caregiver.  She had taught me things about myself that I had never suspected.  She had awakened parts of me that had been dormant my entire adult life.

And I loved her for it.

Her question echoed in my ears:  What do I do now?

"We get you help," I said.  "We book an appointment with a psychiatrist and we talk about why you did the things you did.  And we work through this.  Together."

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This.

This was the most satisfying conclusion I ever could've hoped for. :75_EmoticonsHDcom:

Deep down I knew you couldn't break them up. At least not definitively. Not because they're perfect together, but because what message would that send? You have to be perfect to be loved? You're far too deep and damaged for that, Kimmy.

Vanessa has a problem. Fact. She needs help. Fact.

She needs love. Fact.

She needs Dani.

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Epilogue

We hadn't seen Seth and Jess in what felt like an eternity.  The shrink had wanted Vanessa to avoid all contact with people who had enabled her antisocial behavior.  She hadn't liked that term - she maintained that she was very social, but that wasn't what it was about.

Vanessa didn't care about rules, not when it came to furthering her goals.  She had a hard time empathizing with others in some situations.  The doc called it a "not severe" case and cautioned against a formal diagnosis on the grounds that it had the potential to harm her down the line and she was working towards fixing her problems, but it was there.

I was in love with a sociopath.  It may have been "not severe", but it was still a hard thing to deal with.  It didn't mesh with my mental picture of Vanessa, and it was really hard to separate what had been an act from what had been genuine.  I had almost left her three times during those first couple of weeks, but it had been three months since she started treatment and the doctor was pleased with her progress.

It had been hard to give up the ageplay games we had loved so much, that had opened up the pathway between us, that had shown me a deeper love than I had ever known possible - but we had slowly reintroduced them.  I had slowly gotten my Mommy back.

Vanessa was still working but it was hard - her illness was part of what made her so good at her job, and creating mental boundaries around when it was okay to set aside her empathy and when it wasn't was very difficult for her.  It was difficult for me to watch her struggle - and she did have empathy, she had a lot of it, but she had some serious childhood trauma I had never been aware of.

I was glad I could be there to hold her hand while she worked through it.

Slowly, we had built a new life out of the ashes of that day in Milpitas.  My job was going great, I actually ended up easing us through a dry spell that normally would have forced Vanessa to take on non-Analyst jobs, like speaking engagements.  We had connected again, first as friends, then as lovers, and when it felt safe, I had gone back to being her Little.  It took the three together for our relationship to really feel whole.  They bled into each other, and living without a piece of that magical triangle was difficult.

But now the nursery was all back together and I was finally going to have that sleepover with Jess.

We had repaired over the past month, I had really felt betrayed by the fact that she knew about everything that Vanessa had been doing.  Putting that aside was hard, but I could see she needed help too.  We started going out together, just the two of us.  Sometimes we were diapered, sometimes we weren't.  We'd go shopping, we'd go clubbing, we'd go hang out at the comic book shop - which was a thing I was really getting into - and she was starting to make entirely new friends as well.  We had a few in common, and when the lot of us got together, it was a riot.  I worried about Seth, however.  He was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Jess wasn't wholly dependent upon him for mental stimulation.

We kicked him out of the apartment twice a month and had a Littles party, just the two of us.  I made out like a bandit because Jess was often the one who had to clean up after it.

Next month they were supposed to take me up to this fabled club in the city they had mentioned so many times, which was supposedly opening a room just for Littles to play in.  Our lifestyle seemed to be gaining more popularity as people found the joys of being Little.

Even though I had seen both Seth and Jess many times over the past month, tonight was still a little scary.  It was the first time all four of us had gotten together with the intention of playing.  We had dinners together, but the lifestyle was always off limits as a topic of conversation - we ended up talking about movies, music, games... the things that vanilla friends talked about.

I squeezed Vanessa's hand as she knocked on the door.  I had butterflies in my stomach - I was going to be Little all night with my Mommy right there and my best friend to play with - Jess was my Little side's best friend by a mile - as long as she hadn't gotten herself in trouble.

"Well hello," Seth greeted us with a smile.  "Go on back to the nursery and get her changed."  I was Little, he wasn't going to offer it to me.  "Hello Dani-girl," he smiled, patting my head.  "Are you going to be a good girl tonight?  Cupcake is off to a rough start."

"Mmmph!" the muffled call came from the living room and I peered around the corner to see Jess sitting on the couch, bound tightly in a pink straitjacket.

"Jess!" I whined, "You were supposed to be good so we can play tonight!"

"She failed," Seth shrugged.  "Were you a good girl?" he asked her.

She shook her head slowly from side to side.

"I'm really cross with you," I fumed, though I wasn't really mad.  Her big pink pacifier was tied in her mouth and her feet were up on the coffee table, her legs spread wide, showing off the thick pink diaper... which was surprisingly dry.  I reached into the diaper bag Mommy carried and grabbed my blue paci, popping it in my mouth before climbing onto the couch - but taking it out to talk.  "You were supposed to be extra super special good so we could have lots and lots of fun!"

"Mmmph mmm mmmmph!" she protested behind the paci, waggling her head.  She wanted me to take it out so she could talk.  

Like hell I was getting in trouble for her.  Instead, I set into tickling her, my fingers digging into her ribs.  And moving toward her armpits.  Her eyes widened and Seth laughed behind me.  I kept going until she was thrashing like crazy, panting and squealing behind the pacifier... I kept going until she wet herself.

"I'm gonna go get changed like a good girl," I huffed, sticking my tongue out at her.  "Into my cute chipmunk PJs!"  I walked back over to Vanessa, flinging my arms around her neck.  "May I please wear my chipmunk PJs, Mommy?"

She was nervous, anxious.  She hadn't been in this environment in a while.  Our play at home had been similarly strained at first when we reintroduced it, but I knew she'd find her comfort zone quickly and dive back in.

"Of course, princess," she smiled.  "You're such a good girl, unlike some unruly brats that we know."

"I'm trying," Seth shrugged.  "But how do you correct a brat who loves her punishment?"

Vanessa led me back to the nursery and stripped my clothes from me, laying me down and removing the diaper that I wore - I was pretty much always diapered on the weekends now, and some weeknights if I knew I didn't have an early meeting to rush off to.  I slept mostly in our bed in the master bedroom... except on the weekends, where I was confined to the crib at night.  Vanessa balled up my wet diaper and tossed it in Jess' bin before pulling out a thick Little Paws with a booster and taping me in before working my arms and legs into my pajamas, buttoning up the buttons for me and tying my hair into pigtails.  She clipped my paci clip to the pajamas and looked at me with concern.

"I'm nervous," she said.  She was still sharing all of her negative emotions with me so I could help her stay grounded.  They were a lot fiercer after she had dug up so much trauma from her childhood.  "What if this triggers all of the things I've been working on?"

"I'm proud of you," I told her, hugging her tightly.  "If Seth wants to talk about the things that you've been working on, just tell him that you're not comfortable with that.  He's your friend, he loves you.  He'll respect your boundaries.  If he won't, we'll leave and give him another chance later."

"I love you so much," she said, kissing me softly.

"I love you too, Vanessa."

"I'm ready to be Mommy again," she smiled a warm, genuine smile.  Her eyes lit up, though that hint of fear, that touch of sadness was still there.  Facing one's demons - especially when you had let them drive for so long - was incredibly hard.

"Well Mommy," I grinned.  "Let's go pick on Jess.  Where's Buttercup Jolly Hooves?"

"Oh you're going to be a brat tonight then?" she smirked, grabbing Jess' very most favoritiest toy from the crib.  "I'm sure she'll let you try out her straitjacket."

"Actually," I laughed softly.  "That sounds like a lot of fun.  How much trouble do you think I'll have to be in before Seth suggests it?"

"Let's go find out."

 

Epilogue Two

I would never fully understand Harvey's 'fursona', but he would likely never understand my Littlespace either.  But we'd trade.  I'd parade him around on a leash at his gatherings and he'd baby me at mine.  It was a pretty big shock to learn that I was a switch after all that time - but I found genuine joy in fulfilling the dominant role for him, more than I had ever thought possible.  It had taken a long time to work through the person that I used to be and the damage that Aubrey had done to me.

I hadn't spoken to her in almost a year now.

Harvey had saved my life.  All because he had been Lucas' wingman and Lucas thought Aubrey was hot.

It was funny how life worked out sometimes.  Harvey had turned out to be a psychology student at Berkeley.  He had been studying specifically on how to help the victims of abuse cope with their pain... it was kismet.  He had been my life raft, and I had cut ties with Aubrey.  He helped me find a place to stay in Berkeley while I got back on my feet, he helped me get a job working near the university, and after six months of dating, I moved in with him.

It was scary to think about how close I had been to the bottom, how close I had been to death... and how wonderful things were now.  He had helped me discover a caring, dominant side to my personality.  He had helped me nurture it.

He had helped me grow into a whole person.

I wondered where Aubrey was from time to time.  I wondered where Vanessa was.  And some days it was hard to keep that part of my life behind me.  I wrote them each lots of letters that I never sent, talking about my feelings, my regrets with Vanessa - how I'd been selfish and self-absorbed, how I hadn't valued what she had been offering... and my pain to Aubrey over what she had done to me, and how disappointed in myself I was for letting it get there.  Harvey told me it wasn't my fault, that I had been doing the best I could with the resources I had at the time, that I had been sick.

But it was difficult to shake that shame.

I worried that I might never be free of it.

But I was trying.

And I was happy.

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27 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

After having everyone bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball, I think you've made your trajectory.

You see the way i relax is winning ping pong matches
Victories are comin' in batches when i practice
It's backhand, backhand again
Forehand, no return practice sideways spin
The skin on my paddle's kind of floppy
But it don't stop me, i'll win in any condition
While you're wishin' you could scout out my style and try to copy
I'm in Japan learning secret paddle positions

20 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

This.

This was the most satisfying conclusion I ever could've hoped for. :75_EmoticonsHDcom:

Deep down I knew you couldn't break them up. At least not definitively. Not because they're perfect together, but because what message would that send? You have to be perfect to be loved? You're far too deep and damaged for that, Kimmy.

Vanessa has a problem. Fact. She needs help. Fact.

She needs love. Fact.

She needs Dani.

The message very easily could have been:  Life isn't fair and you're not obligated to deal with anyone else's damage.  Kailee escaped Aubrey, Dani could have left Vanessa and lived alone, carving her own path to happiness.  Dani isn't perfect either, she is a serial monogamist who needs to spend some time alone to find herself.  There's a LOT about Dani that Dani doesn't know.

Truth be told, I was disappointed in myself for writing this ending.  It felt too neat, too kind.  The betrayal forgiven, the illness springing from an unseen trauma recognized and treated... 

But it felt right - ultimately you're right, I didn't want a story where the Little ends up hurting so badly.

I don't think my heart could've taken it.

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Ding Dong DANG!

I honestly thought you were going for blood at the end.  I'm glad you didn't as everyone mostly would have been disappointed.  I however could have taken it, er, Maybe.

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6 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

You see the way i relax is winning ping pong matches
Victories are comin' in batches when i practice
It's backhand, backhand again
Forehand, no return practice sideways spin
The skin on my paddle's kind of floppy
But it don't stop me, i'll win in any condition
While you're wishin' you could scout out my style and try to copy
I'm in japan learning secret paddle positions

Is that a song or something?

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4 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Ding Dong DANG!

It's not mine, it's a chunk from Optimus Rhyme's song Ping Pong, which was the hidden track on MC Frontalot's second album, "Secrets from the Future".

Poetry/songwriting is not a skill I've developed.  I have a song to write... but I don't know if it'll ever happen.

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8 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

 

The message very easily could have been:  Life isn't fair and you're not obligated to deal with anyone else's damage.  Kailee escaped Aubrey, Dani could have left Vanessa and lived alone, carving her own path to happiness.  Dani isn't perfect either, she is a serial monogamist who needs to spend some time alone to find herself.  There's a LOT about Dani that Dani doesn't know.

Truth be told, I was disappointed in myself for writing this ending.  It felt too neat, too kind.  The betrayal forgiven, the illness springing from an unseen trauma recognized and treated... 

But it felt right - ultimately you're right, I didn't want a story where the Little ends up hurting so badly.

I don't think my heart could've taken it.

(slows claps building to applause) Holy shit what a ride! I feel like you struck a good balance with that ending. Actions by the characters had consequences and Vanessa was forced to address her behavior and get help. Because she was willing to admit fault and put in the work we get so see a redemption. While still giving Dani agency and a choice.

Once again hell of a ride.

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22 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Poetry/songwriting is not a skill I've developed.  I have a song to write... but I don't know if it'll ever happen.

I can do both.  I actually have a musical composition degree.  That's not the title of it but the gist.  Let me know .... I'll help you.

 

What the heck is a serial monogamist?  Going to look that up.  Ahhh....  my cousin is one of those.  That is, She used to be my cousin before she became a serial monogamist.

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"...her illness was part of what made her so good at her job,"  I wonder too, the extent to which the reverse was or could be true. In order to be better at her job, did she fall to the temptation of tools accessible to her. Once those tools had been used professionally, as wrong as it was, who wouldn't be tempted to use them in her private life? Intellectually we know the ends shouldn't justify the means, but it's so easy to do that when your emotional state infringes on your rational side.

So it seems largely that several characters were broken... in the best possible way. I find it hard to label any of the main characters evil. The bad things done may have started off cold and calculating - especially Vanessa - but as was pointed out, it was a mental condition (I don't want to say sickness) which led to it.

As a trans woman who didn't even recognize who she was until late in life, when I finally broke down the emotional walls holding me from that knowledge, I supposedly ruined the lives of my family. While I can say their lack of acceptance was their own mental issues, coming out and transitioning was devastating to them. I can't deny that. I'm sorry for what was done, but happier than I've ever been. To that extent, how different am I from Vanessa? Oh, as you regret the somewhat happy ending, Vanessa and Dani did work things out while I'm now on my own and I suspect my ex is very unhappy (not that she wasn't to a great extent even in our best times together.

And, btw, while I've not indulged in comments, I've read many of them and found them fascinating. Most of all, I've loved the story!

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A Note from the Author

And thus concludes my third novel, Breaking the Girl.  This was my first full-length work that wasn't set in the Diaper Dimension and I'm actually really proud of it.  Thank you for joining me to explore the tale of Dani and Vanessa, Seth and Jess, Aubrey, Kailee, Julian, and Lauren.

This originally started just to see if I could write from the dominant's perspective - Vanessa was my fantasy huntress, the person I would get blushy feelings if she was hunting me.  I made her cold and fierce, strong and desirable.  And she grew into a kinder, softer person.  If I were going to professionally publish this story, I would probably rework the first few chapters to add in more foreshadowing of things that I didn't know were coming until I was much later in the book.

I did not have a plan for this story.  I just knew I wanted a dominant female seeking a Little (swoon), and a submissive female who thought she was vanilla.  That was it.  That was all I had planned.  Seth sprung into being because Vanessa needed a best friend.  Jess came with him because I wanted them to be #goals for Vanessa.  When I first started writing Vanessa at work, it was going to be Kailee coming up behind her... but I decided at the last moment that I needed another character, Kailee's best friend Aubrey who was a petty bitch.

Aubrey almost didn't exist.

The Aubrey POV chapter really changed the direction of the work - which wouldn't have existed without Wannatripbaby's feedback.  He was my beta reader and he was getting the chapters as I wrote them.. until the last sprint.  I wrote the final 20,000 words of the 82,000 word work in 3 days... and then I made him wait like everyone else because I'm cruel.

Thank you to everyone who read and commented, thank you especially to Trip, Ellie, and dman who encouraged me to pick this story back up after it lay dormant with only 2 chapters for an entire year.  This story exists because you were passionate enough to remind me that the seed was good and the first 2 chapters were interesting.

Slipping back into Vanessa was like putting on the old favorite dress that you forgot about at the back of the closet.  It was comfortable and I was delighted that it still fit <3

And so, now we get to do post-book discussion.  Please feel free to ask me questions, I'll be happy to answer them.

If you enjoyed the story, please hit the "Like" button on whatever chapters you feel deserve it :)  I don't do Patreon, I don't ask for money, all I ask is that you hit that silly little button and if the story reached you, if it touched you, or if you learned from it... leave a comment or send me a private message and let me know.  Those messages are the primary reason I write.

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8 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

(slows claps building to applause) Holy shit what a ride! I feel like you struck a good balance with that ending. Actions by the characters had consequences and Vanessa was forced to address her behavior and get help. Because she was willing to admit fault and put in the work we get so see a redemption. While still giving Dani agency and a choice.

Once again hell of a ride.

Agreed. I think the main reason Kimmy feels this ending was "too happy" was because we sort of glossed over the months of pain and healing which would've required a 2nd, much less sexy novel to cover adequately.

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6 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

A Note from the Author

 

For my closing thoughts what I'll say is this, your story raised questions and emotions in this reader. Which is exactly what art should.

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