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Breaking the Girl: A Novel


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10 hours ago, fyunch said:

This is an interesting observation.  I haven't thought about it in this way, but I suppose there are a set of equivalences that can be mapped between the two worlds.  In the ABDL world the diaper maps to the collar in the BDSM world - both are pivotal symbols of the relationship between the top and the bottom (there's a terrible pun possible right there, but I'd rightly be expelled from DD if I took it any farther).  I suppose we can go further along understanding that, but I need to think about it a bunch.

Thanks, Kimmy, for that observation.  That comment is sort of a bridge for me between this story and Sunstone.

I've lived as both - there are very few "service Littles", Littles tend to be more selfish than subs IMO.  A Little may want to be a good helper, but more often than not... they're not.  Not when they're in a Little place.  A sub, however, can build you... say... an entire library of bookshelves while in the throes of the collar.

Sunstone changed my life, I'll be honest.  Sejic is a genius.  I was "climbing the curve" when that chapter came out.  My partner, as I've said, was mostly vanilla.  But I was Marian, I wanted a more extreme fix and I was getting stupid about things... and it was seriously damaging my relationship.  I had to give up being a lifestyle sub because it was really bad for us - not because there's anything wrong with the dynamic, but because neither of us were healthy or secure enough to do it without hurting ourselves.

Alan and Ally definitely influenced Seth and Vanessa... although Alan and Ally are much warmer people, in general.

10 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Kimmy JUST introduced me to Sunstone a few days ago! I'd never heard of it before and now you just so happen to mention it 3 days after I learned about it!

Same thing happened to me recently with the word Glomp. I'd never heard of that word before and once it was explained to me everyone was Glomping left and right!

Baader-Meinhof strikes again!

10 hours ago, fyunch said:

Sunstone appeared on Deviantart quite some time ago, maybe 2011.  It started out as some marvelously drawn and rather inventive B&D images by Shiniez, but evolved into a remarkably rich set of characters and storylines that really explore the emotional and operational dynamics of the D/S lifestyle.

Stjepan Sejic is a god among men.  Everything he touches is gold.  Death Vigil was incredible.  Ravine was amazing.  He's an astoundingly good artist who can capture subtle facial expressions like very few others, and he's done work for Top Cow and DC (and probably others).  But when he's also the writer?  Hold on to your butt.

I will buy anything with his name on it.  I'm a huge fangirl.

Also, I'm a big comics nerd :P

6 hours ago, oregonrain said:

I do NOT  see Vanessa as a sociopath. Just because she stalks her potential mate, does  NOT make her sociopathic! Sociopaths are incapable of empathy. Vanessa is not like that. Throughout the story she has expressed empathy AND sympathy sincerely.    Stalking behavior does not define sociopath.  I.M.O.  the true "bad guy" is nobody, it the attitude of fear.

Mental illnesses and personality disorders are rarely black and white.  Just because she has empathy and can sympathize does not mean she's not a sociopath.  She's just not an extreme case.

Vanessa can turn off her sense of empathy, her ethics, like a lightswitch.  She has antisocial personality disorder (which is the diagnosis for most sociopaths) but her case isn't severe.

3 hours ago, fyunch said:

Well, let's contrast our reactions to Vanessa's behavior based on the modes of surveillance she used.

[1] What if she hired a private detective agency to follow Dani around and discover what she did?

[2] What if she hacked Dani's phone and credit cards and so on, as in the story?

If your reaction to [1] is different from your reaction to [2], why?

It's still amoral.  Investigating your potential partner this way is an invasion of their privacy and it means you don't trust them.  A romantic relationship has to be built on trust or it won't work.  You'll never have a real emotional connection with someone you don't trust.

1 hour ago, fyunch said:

OK, but private detectives are legal.  We don't consider using one to be reprehensible to the point of total disgust.

Sorry, but if a potential mate hired a PI to investigate me, I would never talk to them again.

58 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

True, but the harm done would likely be the same. It would be an equal betrayal for Dani to find out Vanessa had been personally following her around as it would if she hired someone to do it for her. Actually, hiring a detective might be even MORE creepy!

Exactly.

 

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A real sociopath has difficulties in feeling empathy for others, tending usually to see others as tools to reach his/her goals. In this sense, Aubrey is much more a sociopath than Vanessa.

Sometimes, it's useful to be able to switch off emotions and see things from a purely rational point of view. To me, Vanessa is able to feel empathy, but at the same time she can take decisions without getting affected by it. I think there are cases where it's okay to deceive someone with worse judgement skills than yours (i.e. hiding the car's keys if a drunk car owner insists on wishing to drive).

"All men are equal" is a big lie. We all have different talents in different measure and those who are more gifted/trained than others should exercise more responsability. Sometimes I feel that Saudi Arabia law, that judges people according to their social status, is not so wrong as a concept. I feel it's better to be dominated by a wise tyrant than to have a democracy where voters do not understand what they vote for; in the latter case, you usually end up being dominated by an unwise tyrant...

So, is real-life Kimmy a bit like cold-and-calculating Vanessa on the job and then a bit like Dani when she should try to relax and let go?

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39 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Well yeah, because you pronounced it wrong. The expression is supposed to be "All men are created equal."

No politics.  Straying too close there.  Kibosh!

Don't want a repeat of last time.

X_X

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4 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

No politics.  Straying too close there.  Kibosh!

Don't want a repeat of last time.

X_X

Right. I was gonna shut it down if it went any further than that. ^_^

What's a Kibosh?

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2 hours ago, Bonsai said:

A real sociopath has difficulties in feeling empathy for others, tending usually to see others as tools to reach his/her goals. In this sense, Aubrey is much more a sociopath than Vanessa.

Sometimes, it's useful to be able to switch off emotions and see things from a purely rational point of view. To me, Vanessa is able to feel empathy, but at the same time she can take decisions without getting affected by it. I think there are cases where it's okay to deceive someone with worse judgement skills than yours (i.e. hiding the car's keys if a drunk car owner insists on wishing to drive).

 "All men are equal" is a big lie. We all have different talents in different measure and those who are more gifted/trained than others should exercise more responsability. Sometimes I feel that Saudi Arabia law, that judges people according to their social status, is not so wrong as a concept. I feel it's better to be dominated by a wise tyrant than to have a democracy where voters do not understand what they vote for; in the latter case, you usually end up being dominated by an unwise tyrant...

 So, is real-life Kimmy a bit like cold-and-calculating Vanessa on the job and then a bit like Dani when she should try to relax and let go?

That's the key - a sociopath sees other people as "lesser", that they either don't have feelings, or don't have feelings that matter.  This is why laws don't matter.  Laws are made by weak men to govern weak men, so they don't apply to the sociopath.

And we just described Vanessa.

But here's what's interesting about Vanessa - she's compassionate because she's an outsider.  She grew up in a way that required her to be ruthless, but the pain of being ostracized still lingers.  I find this kind of compassion most often in the "weird kids", the ones who had no friends at school, the ones who got picked on for being different.

Vanessa wasn't deceiving Dani because she was impaired or for her own good - it was purely selfish.  The laws didn't matter in her pursuit of her goal, and Dani's right to privacy didn't matter.  Vanessa safeguards her own privacy extremely well, it's important to her - but anyone who doesn't take the time and the effort (which is trivial to her after breathing that kind of security for a decade) doesn't deserve it.  This is a frightening and awful belief.  You can see it when she basically blames Lauren for not being able to protect herself from the digital invasions.  She blames Lauren, and she blames politics.

And we're not going into politics :P  That way lies madness.  I'm a vocal socialist, it's not gonna go well.

As for me... I've never been the cold-and-calculating type, but I was the "get out of my way so I can do the job, I don't need you" type.  I was a very bitter person.  When I'm at home, I hate to make decisions (like Dani), just pick for me and let me veto if it's what I really don't want.

I heard about this 5-2-1 trick for indecisive people:  Give your indecisive person 5 options, have them pick 2, then you pick 1 from their 2.  Decision made.  I've used it on my mommy-type to help her decide where she wanted to eat on her birthday, but she hasn't tried it on me.

1 hour ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Right. I was gonna shut it down if it went any further than that. ^_^

What's a Kibosh?

 
ki·bosh
ˈkīˌbäSH/
noun
informal
noun: kibosh; noun: kybosh
  1. put an end to; dispose of decisively.
    "he put the kibosh on the deal"
    synonyms: put a stop to, stop, halt, put an end to, quash, block, cancel, scotch, thwart, prevent, suppress;
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@bbykimmy Sorry I am late to comment, I read the last chapter not long after you posted it. I really enjoyed it, kind of sad to see it end, but as all great stories must end at some point. I wish I had more to say on it, but I do not. 

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Bravo! Read the last few chapters all in one go, great stuff! Really refreshing to see things work out, but still have it feel like it was a truly hard road. 

People have mentioned that the characters are all broken, but, and this is maybe just me projecting, I think it's hard to imagine anyone into this scene that isn't a little bit broken. 

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On 8/5/2018 at 9:21 AM, Personalias said:

All I'll say here is, "Well done".

Thanks Personalias <3

It means a lot coming from you.

If anyone hasn't read Personalias' story "Fetish", it's pretty incredible.

18 hours ago, Aries said:

@bbykimmy Sorry I am late to comment, I read the last chapter not long after you posted it. I really enjoyed it, kind of sad to see it end, but as all great stories must end at some point. I wish I had more to say on it, but I do not. 

You're not late, Aries friend.  I'm glad you enjoyed the journey, but yes - this story is over and done.  It was a trip.

Hopefully it helped you on your way in one way or another, I know you're having a tough go of it right now.

2 hours ago, Kio Rampas said:

Bravo! Read the last few chapters all in one go, great stuff! Really refreshing to see things work out, but still have it feel like it was a truly hard road. 

People have mentioned that the characters are all broken, but, and this is maybe just me projecting, I think it's hard to imagine anyone into this scene that isn't a little bit broken. 

I'm inclined to agree with you - none of us are "normal" (what the hell is normal, anyway).  My ABDL stems from childhood trauma, and I know I'm not the only one.

But hopefully we can do our best to be our best <3

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I was honestly procrastinating finishing this story since you posted the epilogues because I loved it so much and didn't want it to end... but I just read the ending and, my jesus, it was a tremendous, phenomenol run. Your story, from start to finish, was a true gift. Thank you, bbykimmy, for sharing. :)

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One thing I wish was different is, I wish you had gone into detail about the sleep over as I was really looking forward to that before the chapter where everything blew-up. I  imagine it with the girls playing with each other; soft toy fights (getting into trouble) maybe some video games, fighting over who gets to sit in the highchair, then been feed tea (pizza cut up in to small pieces?), whining about bedtime as they are having too much fun, finally ending with them both sharing the crib and falling asleep with their mummy and daddy watching them whilst a mobile quietly plays over the crib.

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9 hours ago, Lionsheart said:

I was honestly procrastinating finishing this story since you posted the epilogues because I loved it so much and didn't want it to end... but I just read the ending and, my jesus, it was a tremendous, phenomenol run. Your story, from start to finish, was a true gift. Thank you, bbykimmy, for sharing. :)

All good things must come to an end.  Thank you for the kind words.  I enjoyed giving this gift, it made me feel good.  Knowing it was well received also makes me feel good, so thank you again.

7 hours ago, diapernocturnus said:

One thing I wish was different is, I wish you had gone into detail about the sleep over as I was really looking forward to that before the chapter where everything blew-up. I  imagine it with the girls playing with each other; soft toy fights (getting into trouble) maybe some video games, fighting over who gets to sit in the highchair, then been feed tea (pizza cut up in to small pieces?), whining about bedtime as they are having too much fun, finally ending with them both sharing the crib and falling asleep with their mummy and daddy watching them whilst a mobile quietly plays over the crib.

You just want more fluff!  Greedy!  I gave you drama, emotion, conclusion with real feeling!  I gave you heartbreak and healing, acceptance and love, and you want more!?

Greedy, greedy!  But I don't think the playdate would have gone quite the way you imagine...

Y'see, I miiiiiiiight be able to be convinced to do an Epilogue None and just do a smut half-chapter of Dani and Jess in the crib together doing naughty things... I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it.

What mischief did Dani get into?  What did she do with poor Buttercup Jolly Hooves in the name of getting punished so much that Seth would take the straitjacket off of Jess and force poor, helpless Dani into it?  How would that feel for her as Seth slipped her arms into the pink jacket and wrapped those sleeves around her, buckling them behind her.  Would Jess seek revenge on the now-helpless Dani, earning them both a bound time-out in the crib.  Oh, but they're so naughty, they'd find a way to enjoy it, two girls bound in a crib together...

Dammit.

Now I'm hot and bothered about it and we all know what happened last time.

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On 8/6/2018 at 9:36 PM, bbykimmy said:

I'm inclined to agree with you - none of us are "normal" (what the hell is normal, anyway).  My ABDL stems from childhood trauma, and I know I'm not the only one.

But hopefully we can do our best to be our best <3

Not to sound aggressively trite, but that's the thing with being broken, it gives you the chance to fix yourself, and get to know yourself better along the way.

In my case, I think I had the ABDL fantasies first and the trauma came later.

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I have to tell you that I loved this story.  I said in the beginning that I normally didn't read gay stories, and only because you wrote it I started reading.  I feel that Dani and Vanessa were mean to be soul mates in life, it was just destiny.  Thank you giving me so much enjoyment with you work.  I am also confused as I thought Maya was your mommy. :wub:   

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24 minutes ago, Kio Rampas said:

Not to sound aggressively trite, but that's the thing with being broken, it gives you the chance to fix yourself, and get to know yourself better along the way.

In my case, I think I had the ABDL fantasies first and the trauma came later.

I find it poignant, not trite <3

But I say that as a person that feels pretty broken, pretty often.

9 minutes ago, Baby Billy said:

I have to tell you that I loved this story.  I said in the beginning that I normally didn't read gay stories, and only because you wrote it I started reading.  I feel that Dani and Vanessa were mean to be soul mates in life, it was just destiny.  Thank you giving me so much enjoyment with you work.  I am also confused as I thought Maya was your mommy. :wub:   

Well I'm glad you suffered through all those lesbian kisses ;)

Romance knows no gender, no race, no creed.  Love is love, and it can happen between anyone.

I just happen to prefer kissing girls, and so my characters often prefer kissing girls - maybe that makes me a bad writer, I dunno.  I write what I like to read, and I have had a DEVIL of a time finding good lesbian romance that didn't sound like it was written by a man (no offense to men).

And no, Kachan (who is not on this site) is my mommy and partner of 15 years, Maya is a good friend who likes to pick on me sometimes <3

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I am just glad that you are here, I have no feeling against how people live their lives or who they are comfortable to be with.  I  am form the sixties where fear love the norm but gay relations were not talked about.  Myself I am a baby and have no desire for either sex.  I would love to have a mommy but am not interested in sex in any way.  I have love you from the start in a totally different way.  I fell like I would had I ever had a little girl to spoil and love.:wub:  

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23 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

All good things must come to an end.  Thank you for the kind words.  I enjoyed giving this gift, it made me feel good.  Knowing it was well received also makes me feel good, so thank you again.

You just want more fluff!  Greedy!  I gave you drama, emotion, conclusion with real feeling!  I gave you heartbreak and healing, acceptance and love, and you want more!?

Greedy, greedy!  But I don't think the playdate would have gone quite the way you imagine...

Y'see, I miiiiiiiight be able to be convinced to do an Epilogue None and just do a smut half-chapter of Dani and Jess in the crib together doing naughty things... I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it.

What mischief did Dani get into?  What did she do with poor Buttercup Jolly Hooves in the name of getting punished so much that Seth would take the straitjacket off of Jess and force poor, helpless Dani into it?  How would that feel for her as Seth slipped her arms into the pink jacket and wrapped those sleeves around her, buckling them behind her.  Would Jess seek revenge on the now-helpless Dani, earning them both a bound time-out in the crib.  Oh, but they're so naughty, they'd find a way to enjoy it, two girls bound in a crib together...

Dammit.

Now I'm hot and bothered about it and we all know what happened last time.

hmmmm I honestly didn't think about them being that kind of 'naughty' I definitely have a more U imagination but your ideas certainly more entertaining.  ;)

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I am sitting here speechless. That was such an amazing story. There’s no amount of praise I can give this that will do it justice. I want to see you start a patreon account. I feel bad for not paying to read something this good. I can definitely tell I am by no means the only one who feels this way either. I have finally gotten a few days off work and I spent much of my time reading. I realize I had fallen behind again but not that far back. When I got back to this story I was 20 pages behind. The reason was not simply because you had added all that much more but the main reason was all the others comments. Your story was loved by many and I for one think you need more than just a like for your rewards. 

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On 8/7/2018 at 4:37 PM, Baby Billy said:

I am just glad that you are here, I have no feeling against how people live their lives or who they are comfortable to be with.  I  am form the sixties where fear love the norm but gay relations were not talked about.  Myself I am a baby and have no desire for either sex.  I would love to have a mommy but am not interested in sex in any way.  I have love you from the start in a totally different way.  I fell like I would had I ever had a little girl to spoil and love.:wub:  

Thanks Billy <3

There's nothing wrong with being asexual.  You're valid.

On 8/7/2018 at 6:23 PM, diapernocturnus said:

hmmmm I honestly didn't think about them being that kind of 'naughty' I definitely have a more U imagination but your ideas certainly more entertaining.  ;)

Well, I mean... we all know I have a somewhat dirty mind, that's why you read my stories ;)

On 8/7/2018 at 9:59 PM, aldl4811 said:

Wonderful wonderful work. Thank you for the incredible contribution 

Thank you very much, I enjoyed sharing it.

Breaking the Girl probably isn't my best work overall, but it's the best in some ways.  None of my other stories put the reader themselves in a bind the way this story does, I'm pretty proud of it.

On 8/11/2018 at 5:09 PM, CDfm said:

I am sitting here speechless. That was such an amazing story. There’s no amount of praise I can give this that will do it justice. I want to see you start a patreon account. I feel bad for not paying to read something this good. I can definitely tell I am by no means the only one who feels this way either. I have finally gotten a few days off work and I spent much of my time reading. I realize I had fallen behind again but not that far back. When I got back to this story I was 20 pages behind. The reason was not simply because you had added all that much more but the main reason was all the others comments. Your story was loved by many and I for one think you need more than just a like for your rewards. 

Thank you so much!  I deeply appreciate the compliments.  Don't feel bad, please - I give it out for free because I want to share it!

I'm deeply grateful for every reader and every comment (and every like ;))

I'm glad this story was well received, but I doubt I'll ever start a Patreon - I might be writing like crazy right now but that could dry up tomorrow, and Patreon would bring with it a sense of obligation that I'm currently not burdened with.

I can write whatever I want, whenever I want, and I can choose to give it out at whatever speed I want, and if I feel the need to put a story on hold for a while - I try not to - I have the freedom to do so.

And I like giving back, I've read a lot of stories on this site over the years, I like being a contributor.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I already sent this on discord, but I think it bares repeating here. 

Well, that was spectacular. I don't really read other people's works because I write so much in the genre that I find myself just upset at the lack of talent in whatever else I read. I don't mean that self centeredly, I think it's just a vacarious struggle I can't put myself out of. 

But that, Kimmy. Oh gosh. Oh my heavenly stars. 

You write like I never have, like I never could. You're so many levels above me that all I can do is enjoy it. You covered difficult themes and challenging scenes, and you never ever felt gratituous. You made characters I loved, characters I hated, and a climax that was destructive and horrific and 182% required. I loved Dani as a character most of all, but Jess and Vanessa were equally tied up for me as second place. 

Kailees subplot was important and involving, an inversion of the main plot that showed what abfew variables adjusted could look like when you're in this community. What the importance of experience and consent is.  And it was imperfect. 

Everything about this story and it's characters represented imperfect, real, believable people. It was perfect as a story not despite those imperfections, but because of them. Absolutely stunning work. A tour de force. 

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Kimmy you have talent, once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down and that’s saying a lot from me because for years I’ve only read murder thriller books because I can never put them down everything else usually bores but not you book it was amazing. Thankyou

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34 minutes ago, Newbee said:

Kimmy you have talent, once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down and that’s saying a lot from me because for years I’ve only read murder thriller books because I can never put them down everything else usually bores but not you book it was amazing. Thankyou

Thank you so much!  I'm glad you enjoyed it!  I hope you gave me some Likes too ;)

Who was your favorite character?  What was your favorite part?  Did any part of the book make you cry?

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