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Misconception...or?


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When people find out that I’m a dom mommy, I get a lot of the same questions or misconception about the whole thing. However, I wonder if it’s actually a misconception of the BDSM community at all? Are people watching/reading bad representations of the community (50 shades of grey anyone?) or am I actually the odd one out?

Okay, so the top 2 comments I get a lot are:

“You would love to domme.” – Or something along those lines. Pretty much stating that because I’m a dom, that I would be more than happy to dom any person that comes along my way. For me, that is just saying as a straight female; I would want to have sex with any male that I see. That’s just silly.

Another thing, is the assumption that I have many subs? I’ve gotten this quite a few times as well. Like, I just have a dungeon full of male subs that I like to dominate 24/7

I’m not like big into the community of BDSM, I’m not on fetlife nor do I go onto any other websites or groups about BDSM, so perhaps I’m wrong that this is a misconception?

I think it’s pretty normal that a BDSM person would also be monogamous and also be picky about the person they would want to do these things with. But, maybe I'm the odd one after all?

I would really like the opinion of other people in the BDSM lifestyle as well as people that may have these misconceptions (if they are) and why they think that?

PS: I know this is more of a bdsm talk then a abdl one, but both of these fetishes are pretty fused together for what I like and they can still work for either or (like since I’m a mommy, I would want to change anyone’s diaper and so forth.)

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I'm not sure if it's a misconception necessarily as much as it is a hope of sorts. I mean, if one considers sheer proportions, at least online, would finds a massive numerical gap between the amount of subs and the amount of doms. I won't deny that part of this "image" that is created about doms/mommies is the media's fault or the fault of misinformed rumors, but I'd argue another big cause is that some people may find it just hard to find an actual mommy/daddy/dom, and so when they find one and that person seems nice or even just reasonable, they may latch on without realizing the kind of impact or implications that might have for the other person.

 

Don't know, those are just my two cents on the matter. I don't have that much experience on these matters either...

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It is not easy to find a "Dommy Mommy" in real life.  It takes a strong woman that understands that a lot of submissive ABDL's whine and pout if we do not get our way especially when it comes to wearing diapers.  She almost has to completely put her "baby's" needs in front of her own and that dynamic just does not work in your traditional relationship.  Woman are not typically programmed to accept a partner wearing diapers let alone being a dominant Mommy in a relationship.  It takes a lot of love, understanding, patience, and discipline. 

Most submissive ABDLs have problems finding a partner that they can even share their desires with.  Finding a Mommy is like a dream come true.  Finding one that is dominant 24/7 is practically a myth.

You are an exception, a rare holy grail of diaper dreams and desires.  That is why needy submissives gravitate to you in my opinion. 

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I feel like my post might have been confusing? I wasn't talking about people asking me to be their mommy or why people are so actively desperate for it. I understand there aren't many dom mommies around (Although there was a huge misconception about dom mommies, we aren't caregivers, we don't have 'babies', we aren't dom 24/7. I'm actually in a rather traditional relationship for the most part, regardless of my dom mommy status) but anyway. 

I will try to clarify what I was talking about: 

I'm asking why people have misconceptions about dominate people. This doesn't have to be just about dom mommies, this could be about dom daddies, or just dom's in general. 

The fact that because we are dom, it's like we are these overly sexual people that will just dominate whoever we want and as many people as we want.

Of course, I get the same questions regard of being a mommy "you must have a lot of babies" (even though, as stated before, dominate mommy/daddies don't really do babies) 

Now I just feel like I'm rambling and I'm making even less sense then before. lol 

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I think littles... and DL are different and i dont understand why they get grouped... if i was truly a daddy i wouldn't want to have intercourse with them... thats a CG. 

I think being a DL when i see a grown woman in a diaper.... i want to remove it and do naughty things to her. like lingerie is for most men.

the times ive switched, putting a diaper on, no matter the outfit on me makes jr raise for attention. and once he does what he does im done with anything diaper related... 

But i think thats why even if outfits are introduced its all just sexual roll play.... not Little play VERY different but so many people dont see that.

I also belive in the hole monogamous, but people feel if your into sadomastics your just hungry for sex and you will do it for anyone and everyone... one of the reasons I dont like that title...

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Let's see:  Hoping I don't ramble.....

1)  You believe a lot of people have a misconception about dominants, that misconception being they are not monogamous.

2)   You believe if that is not true, you are the odd person out?

Is this the gist?

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5 minutes ago, ELLIE52 said:

Let's see:  Hoping I don't ramble.....

1)  You believe a lot of people have a misconception about dominants, that misconception being they are not monogamous.

2)   You believe if that is not true, you are the odd person out?

Yes, though not just the fact about us being monogamous, but also the fact that we will just do whatever with someone who matches with our lifestyle. (this can match the abdl lifestyle too) 

And I'm wondering if it isn't a misconception, maybe I'm wrong for getting annoyed at people who automatically assume that. 

So, basically I want to clear the air about the misconception - or learn that it's in fact not a misconception and that I'm just odd. haha

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I only have, that I know of, in real life, 2 friends (partners) that are heavy into BDSM, not ABDL at all.  They were tired of each other, and both the Domme and Sub were playing the field.  Online here at the site, I only know of a few who actually discuss it some, and to me it is light BDSM comparatively.  Those I know on the site do not play the field, either Domme or Sub.  But then again, I'm probably the odd person out here  LOL, not really knowing what is what.

I believe though that there is a great deal of misconception about BDSM, including me.  LOL

I doubt that helped, but maybe someone else can help now that we have identified what you are asking.

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My 2 cents worth. It seems to me, much has to do with peoples ideals. What may be dreamed of, by ones self, and laid onto someone else. Then there’s the actual reality, of what that other person really is, or what they are, or are not about. 

Ask someone, what something is, and they will give the ideal explanation, of that something. That will not be, what the reality of that something is. It’s more, of what they hope, or what is made up in their mind, what something is.

I think, I may have confused myself with all that statement, but maybe it will hold up as a good idea? LOL. 

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Misconceptions are common with many things. In this case it seems that people think a Dom wants to practice that with every sub they can, simply because of them apparently wanting or needing to be dominant. They're overlooking the part about these being relationships, and personal ones. Just because you're a Dom-mommie doesn't mean that your door is wide open to every sub-baby. You have your prefernces too, same as all of us do.

I believe that a lot of the misconceptions (here and elsewhere) start with superficial thought and wrong assumptions. Most folks don't give much thought to things they are neither interested or involved in. Intelligent people understand that their limited knowledge means that they could be wrong, but less intelligent folks simply think they are right and continue to misunderstand and misconceive. I must admit that I hadn't given a lot of thought to this subject until now, but it's quite clear once you understand that Dom/Sub is a personal relationship that not everyone will want everyone else just because they fit a certain category, and that there will be those who seek monogamy over multiplicity.

When the subject is as unsual as this, it's better to expect misunderstanding from the 'outsiders' and expect that you'll need to teach them something about it if they are willng to learn which sadly many people won't be willing. It gets tiring to have to educate the masses but that's the only path forward which can clear up the misunderstandings and misconceptions in the wider world.  It can indeed be frustrating but when you want thihngs to be better fror you, it's you that has to do the work that's going to take.

Bettypooh

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I think it comes down to the nature, as far as BDSM goes (I've dabbled with control related stuff...) is that as a sub... I like the fantasy of my "dom" having other subs... even if intellectually and emotionally I would never, ever actually want that. I can see where a sub who only lets it out in certain places, doesn't express it, etc... has the fantasy build up to an extreme where they begin projecting their desire on any dom they see.

The result is the growth of a belief that all doms have harems (which is often depicted in porn as well) and that it is a full time gig. (Remember, their fantasy is what they are projecting.)

I think a lot of this is also a result that ironically, the sub has a lot of control. They typically set the rules outside of the encounter of what is to far, etc... and have more power in stopping the situation at any given time, etc... It is one of those weird things in life where the person who "gives up" control actually retains more control.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I think it's a combination of misconception for some, and for others an overabundance of raw sexuality that often overrides the social norms for some people when "on the hunt."

The misconceptions aren't totally invalid though.  It's human nature to want to take what we don't fully understand and place it in a box  and top it with a bow to make it that much easier to justify or rationalize the courses and actions we take when acting upon the misconception.  Both individuals tethered together in a smaller box where assumptions are drawn; all the while residing within a larger box that's considered to be mainstream mindset and world view.  1 + 1 has to equel 2 right?  Problem is it often doesn't.  It doesn't mean that these assumptions are right, but looking at the big picture through such a fractured lense as this one can see the logic - flawed or not - with this scenario.

 

Then there are others who don't have a misconception at all and readily realize that people are individuals with different likes and dislikes, and firmly believe that the one that they are pursuing may be just as likely to spurn them based on their own interest and moral code regardless of any commonalities between the two .  A commonality between 2 people linked together by little more than a sexual catagory or label does not a relationship make.  Many of these people already know this, but that is not their point.  Their point is a numbers game.  Alamo effect if you will.  Little chance of success with typical one on one propositions, but if you throw enough troops at the wall you'll overtake it eventually based on the numbers.  Kind of like the old adage where if you ask 100 women to jump in the bushes with you and get it on like rabbits - 99 of them will probably slap you. For people like this it's all about the 1 that takes you up on it that justifies their course of action.

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  • 2 weeks later...

"Why people have misconceptions about dominate people" Is this just a perception that forms from what is seen online? This would be my guess.  In the real world there are naturally Dominant personality's and submissive personality's. Some naturally like to lead , some like to follow. There are many different forms of these personality's . For those that have become active participants in the BDSM/leather lifestyle and may have learned about power exchange relationships thru real time experience , thru endless presentations from those sharing their experience and knowledge. Conversations one on one with others because we share knowledge and each one teach one  .

It is not always about what is perceived and painted online .Fantasy verses reality . The reality is between 2 or more people . It is called a lifestyle for a reason. It is how you live your life and is very intimately personal for each individual.

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I think there are a distinction between being a private BDSM couple and being in the public BDSM world.  And then there is the mainstream media portrayal of BDSM.  Which is where the misconceptions mostly come.  

I have friends who are Poly and into BDSM, but its very cliche with who is allowed into their world.  And each person/couple has strict rules as to who can "play" with them or their partner. I would go to their dinner parties until the main group who lived in the 5 bedroom house where the parties were, moved up to SF area.  These were just normal potluck/drinking/movie/game nights, nothing to do with their BDSM gatherings. Although one night they did decide to do a rope play demo. And there we certainly talk about who was with who and who played with whom.  With the Dom usually deciding who their partner was allowed to play with in the group and other couples not playing with anyone besides themselves.

Unless you have seen the dom/sub relationships yourself, most people are going to have the misconception from mainstream media that people into BDSM all play with multiple partners.  Where in fact from what I have witnessed it is a very complicated set of rules that most in the BDSM deal with and are very picky as to who is allowed into their play group.

Then of course there is the couples who only do it privately and so that's a whole different thing then these BDSM groups.  Its such big spectrum of ways its done, that people who want to get into a BDSM relationship only see the mainstream portrayal of BDSM and not how complicated the relationships are in the real BDSM world.

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