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I told my wife I like to wear diapers...please read.


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1 hour ago, Bettypooh said:

Every relationship takes work, and as long as you're both working on keeping it going then you can make that happen.

Though it may seem like I'm starting the obvious, please give this some deeper thought- girls are very different. When the sexual part of their body and soul gets turned on they cannot stop themselves and if that act ends with great pleasure the next time becomes easier. I don't know how her initial lesbian act came about, but when we're younger we all will try things; sometines they stay and sometimes they go away. She will always be less resistant to lesbian sex but believe me, she doesn't have to do that if you've filled the sexual role with her adequately. And though it's rare, sexual orientation does sometimes change, so someone's past doesn't always set their future in stone. If she says she doesn't want to be with any girls ever again, that could very well be true.

Strength is built with the overcoming of adversity together. If she wants to be with a girl or you want to wear a diaper and you can talk through that before it happens, strength is built and love enhanced in knowing more fully that no matter what, you can trust and believe in your soulmate. You've both got reasons to end things but you're not doing that. It seems to me that your story will have a great ending even if the road is rocky today. Hold onto each other tight, hold nothing back, and keep going. No lies, no dishonesty, no unreasonable limits from either side. There is a way forward together if you both want that badly enough and though it doesn't look or feel this way right now, this could be the hallmark moment of your relationship where the inseperable bond you two should have comes to complete fruition.  

Best wishes for you both!

Thank you. Very well said!! Really, thank you!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Move ahead a few weeks...
I can't help but to thank everyone for their advice and help.
I've read all your responses. A few, twice. 

Judge me... but I still love my wife. Unconditionally. We have a son together. My son is my world. My wife, is still my very best friend. With a flick of my fingers... I can't change that. 
I am NOT perfect either. Yes, my ego can get in the way of my thoughts, anger and fear. I am human. I do appreciate even the negative responses, saying I am pretty much a jerk because of my big ego.

We started counseling last night. We will be going weekly for an hour/week. 
Also, I ordered the book: No More Mr. Nice Guy! I thank you both who suggested it. I will read it and work on it. I am the type of person who GIVES, GIVES, GIVES. 
Gifts are my love language. So... I constantly show my love by buying gifts for people I care about. I don't get it in return.

We are working through this. It is a struggle. Some good days.. some AWFUL, depressing days. My wife did and said some EXTREMELY hurtful things, that I could never do to her.
Truth is, I love her more than she loves me. Or else... she wouldn't have done and said those things and had kept those secrets from me, But I love her enough to work on it. Work on us, and hopefully come out a stronger couple because of it. Right now... that's all I can do. Is hope.

My wife does accept me wanting to wear diapers because of the sexual feeling it gives me. I would have never thought in a million years I would hear that... she doesn't understand it. But she accepts it.

I can only do the same, and accept her past and mistakes as well if she is willing to accept my baggage.

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Just read this thread. I've been in your shoes on some level.... found out wife was having an affair. I was devastated and the marriage didn't work out. I'll spare the details since they are not relevant for you. I'm very glad you are doing therapy. Make sure you both like the therapist! It took me 3 tries before I found a good one but it was soooooo worth it. If you both want to make it work, you will!

Reading this I did have one thought I wanted to share. You seem to view sexuality as binary, or something close to it. Gay or straight. Or bi. I'm of the opinion that it isn't so simple. I see it as more of a spectrum. I for one believe your wife when she says her relationship with the woman was a one time thing and that she would not want to be with a woman again. I for a fact know several women who were as surprised as anyone when they fell for a member of the same sex. Two are still married to the first women they ever dated. I however also know two who eventually moved on and now only date men. Neither considered themselves as gay or straight... they say it isn't that simple. I do think it is different for men than it is women. 

Another thought for you to think about and perhaps address in therapy - shame. I don't know why there is shame on your wife's part about her past relationship. I don't know why it bothers you so much that she was with a women. I TOTALLY understand being upset at being lied to, or not told things you should have known. Maybe you both have religious belief about gays that are the cause of shame and if that's the case I'll leave it alone. But for what it is worth, I don't see any reason to be ashamed about her past and if she hadn't been ashamed, she wouldn't have needed to hide it from you. Figuring out what that is all about might be a good idea.

 

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Thank you. 

Gosh, I love the advise and people on this chat. Thank you.

Great point... what's to be "ashamed" about, truly. 

But, honestly... move back 10 years or so ago... I guess I was partially homophobic at one point in my life. I was also born and raised catholic (no I do not consider myself to be catholic now, or even a Christian) More spiritual. But, I remember those homophobic feelings, I don't think I am the same person today I was back then, but still the shock knowing that it's your spouse that was in a relationship with the same sex... hurts. It's so much different when it's someone else's story and your on the other side of things. Because when it happens to you... I promise, it feels different. Especially the shock and lies you heard from your spouse since you have been together. 

We are going to work through this and be stronger after. We both want to be better people with another, being honest. Upfront and committed. As I type this, wearing a diaper... that I just ordered and she knows about. She even offered to pick them up for me at the store... she may not understand my fetish, but she is more than willing to accept it. I can't ask for someone better than that. Unless she puts one on in the bedroom herself without me even asking her too... haha

Thank you!!!!

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Yea, I was raised catholic too and had different views on homosexuality when I was young. Now I play on a gay sports team where these days most everyone is straight but we are very supportive of LGBTQ issues and people. People do change. 

The shame thing concerns me. Shame about her emotional text affair. Shame about hiding it from you. Shame about her past and hiding that. Shame is a very powerful emotion that can make people do things that are otherwise out of character. I think figuring out the why, and how to avoid that and accept her past will be important for her. You may be able to help in therapy, but she may need her own therapy to get it all sorted.

I wish you the best with the diapers and your wife. Now might be the best time to figure out what exactly you want and what boundaries she needs given your new found openness with each other.

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Are you gay/bi/straight? If you don't mind me asking?

Married?

Thanks for bringing the shame up tonight. Truly. After work, we discussed it. I told her what you said, and not to be "shamed" of her past relationship. I never thought of it that way, but I agree. But the deceitfulness, lying and emotional cheating and hiding things from me... are what she can be shameful about.... eek

We just started therapy. I can imagine it will take us awhile.

I am going easy and slow with the diapers. I enjoy them, as a fetish. I like to wear them, it turns me on. Sometimes pee and I like to sleep in them. I am going easy with her... she allows me to wear them without judgement and accepts it. She figures, how can she judge me if her past and cheating are all part of her, and I am trying my best not to judge her for it. 

I'd like for her to participate a little with me. Sleep with them with me some nights, pee in them, or wear them casual sometimes around the house. But, I don't know how to get to that next step, truly. I will... but I've read to many post.. that you can't make or convince someone to wear them if they don't find the attraction/fetish like you. I can appreciate and understand that whole hearty. As long as she accepts me for me on that aspect... Its a damn good start. Thank you!

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Straight. I could see where that might be confusing rereading my post.  I'm one of the many straight people on the team, so I didn't change personally.... I just know people who have.  I'm also happily remarried. Met my wife on that same team as a matter of fact.  Our first child is due in a couple of months.... there is life after divorce.

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Glad to hear there is progress! On shame, it is a social construct; not something we always have in us but something which has been put there from outside. We chose to accept it so we can also choose to reject it ;) That can be a very hard thing to do, believe me, but it can be done. On this, don't look back any more than to understand that you felt shame in the past and maybe you still do but wish you didn't. The thing to do is to see today, knowing that shame isn't welcome, then refuse to allow it inside you. You don't have to replace it with pride or anything else, just throw the garbage out and be done with it B) Nothing else has to change along with that.

I was ashamed of cross dressing for decades. When my TG side came along and took over my life that shame couldn't be anymore- I was 'crossdressing' everything visibly 24/7. The two were incompatible and one had to go <_< The process took months but finally I reached a point where even the nasty comments I sometimes got didn't hurt anymore; I took them for the uneducated hateful thoughts they really were and let the other person carry that burden as I smiled knowing that there was none of that in me now. In overcoming my shame I became a better person which is something those haters would never be. I took the win and let them have their loss :D 

I've now reached the same point with diapers. Though I always knew there is nothing wrong with wearing, my thoughts and my feelings were in conflict; incompatible once again. This took years but now I honestly feel no shame about diapers :girl_happy:  And I'm not ashamed of my past, even though it is full of mistakes. Whatever I felt then is irrelevant today. Anything bad from back then simply taught me to do better now, and I have done that. Use the past to learn from and to recall pleasant memories- don't go back there for any other reason. We all learn through our errors and the only good in focusing on them is to help remind us that we should be doing better now. If you refuse to let the past hurt you then it can't. Life is about today- now- and not what went on in the past. If you feel shame, ask yourself why. Ask yourself if there is something wrong in it, and if there isn't then refuse to let that shame steer you. Throw that trash out- it's not your problem anymore :thumbsup: 

Bettypooh

 

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I know it is a weird fetish. I know it's not "normal" but, not that I have told my wife... I do feel this HUGE weight lifted off my own shoulders. She deserved to know, especially if it's a part of who I am and it's what I like/enjoy. There is NOTHING wrong with it. It doesn't change the man I am (I am a masculine man) but I just love the feeling wearing a diaper gives me. Thank you!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think that people can be attracted to a person and not necessarily their gender. I think this is easier for women as there is less stigma around girl on girl vs guy on guy.

They have started to show men kissing on TV now and I've yet to get used to seeing it, yet 2 women kissing is "hot."

As your wife and this women were BFF's, I could see it starting there and growing into something more.  Also they say women are much more attracted to others via emotion, rather simply by physical attraction, which is probably hard for us to understand as men, who are physically attracted first and therefore its easy for us men to have purely physical attraction, even if we don't necessarily connect on an emotional level.

So its possible that she "fell in love" with this women purely on an emotional level and wasn't necessarily attracted to her physically.  Thus it "could" be a one time thing if she's being truthful that she's not physically attracted to other women.

Of course she could just be denying to herself and you that she has this attraction to other women.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just wanted to send a update.
We are still going to counseling (I think it will be awhile there) We go weekly an hour a week (our work schedules and our 9 month old son this is really the best we can do) But we are doing good-- for the most part.
Just wanted to share my update. I still check this site now and then and thank everyone for their support and feedback! 
I still don't wear a diaper in front of her... or tried it in the bedroom again. I am still very embarrassed/nervous about it- even though she has told me a few times now, she "accepts" me for it! It's just strange. Plus... I should probably note- I am not a 24/7 wearer, or have any desire to wear 24/7. I only wear a few times a week now and then. Also it is very hot and humid here in the south, so that has something to do with it I am sure!
Many blessings!

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Nice to see updates! And even better,  to hear things are moving in the positive. Keep that train on the rails, and you might just love the journey! Lol, some silly sentiment :rolleyes: But, I couldn’t help it. 

I’ve been with my wife for sometime now, she knew before, and of course now, about my AB/DL, Little, Sissy tendency’s. But, I’ve been so steeped in keeping my secret, and for so long, that I am still not completely comfortable wearing any such things in front of her. I do, but I still feel weird, when I do. The hardest time for me now, is when I’m putting things on, in front of her. I feel better, once I’m dressed, but for some reason, the process makes me uncomfortable. I have even, discussed how I feel about that with her. So, she kinda try’s to ignore when I dress, or while I dress. Once I’m dressed, all bets are off! LOL. She loves to rub and pat my diapers, me too! :t61026: But, I’m still in the process, of feeling better with things more. And everday, I do feel a bit more at ease. So, onward we go! 

I hope you continue to do well Laughingmoose, and your family too. 

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