Jump to content
LL Medico Diapers and More Bambino Diapers - ABDL Diaper Store

What do I do? Where do I go?


Recommended Posts

Hey guys. It's TomBoyAB. I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. No-one in my house knows how to help or really feels like listening. I'm not really sure how to word all of this or order it in "order of importance". I'm just going to type what I'm feeling as I feel it. So here goes:

So, let me start off by saying I've had major depression and anxiety for years. So that also means that my psychiatrists (I've had 2 or 3 for the past 10 years or so) have been switching my meds around. I've also been told that since I was about 12 that I have ADD. So, I was put on medication yo help me focus. I've been put on 2 or 3 medications in the past 10 years. The last ADHD medication I was put on was Adderal. Now, I was taken off of Adderal a few months ago (because according to my new psychiatrist, my nuropsych test results for my ADHD test were actually INCONCLUSIVE. Yep, they didn't even straight out give ANY INDICATION that I have ADHD...-_-) . And sweet Jesus. It SUCKS. 

Apparently, one of the side effects of Adderal is to help with anxiety/one's mood. So lately I've been RIDICULOUSLY on edge. I've been on the verge of tears over the smallest things (like just now. I felt my eyes start to burn just now because of a couple typos I just corrected.) I've been (just BARELY ) been able to hold back on the gigantic urge to yell at my family over stuff that didn't bother me as much before (still bothered me before, but now I'm about to go APE). Whenever I'm this agitated, it takes me awhile to calm down.

Depending on how upset I become, I've even had violent tantrums. Like just the other night, I was so irritated that I literally just started tossing and turning and growling and snarling in my bed! A couple of tears made it down my cheeks and I went numb for the rest of the night. I've been talking to myself lately too. I'll wake up in the morning and already have an argument at the ready over something that's already over! I just walk out of my room in the morning and I don't want to interact with any other human being. Friend, Family, or stranger. It doesn't matter. I don't want to be bothered by anyone with anything.

I've fallen back on my bad habit of emotional eating to help me cope. So now my weight has gone up (and of course having type ii diabetes and fatty liver disease isn't gonna help). I feel like I'm always on the verge of hitting someone. It's gotten to the point where it's affecting my performance at work and I've already failed one of my college classes and have to take it again in the Fall. My family swears that I'm being dramatic and that my problems pale in comparison to their own. I'm just so sick and tired of all of this. All I want to do is eat and sleep.

I'm not NEARLY financially stable enough to move out. And even if I was, I have God awful driver's anxiety. I don't drive (at the moment) and don't own a car. I have an AWESOME older brother that has said that if I can pay my way, I'm more than welcome to move in with him. But it'll take a good while for me to save up enough to pay my way. And then of course that's after I get my license and a car! Everything just feels so out of reach and hopeless. I can't do this for much longer. I feel like any day now, I'll have this big breakdown and it isn't going to be pretty. I'm not one to ask for help very often (in fact, just these 3 posts under the depression support forum I've put up since I joined on DD 4 MONTHS AGO feel foreign to me) but if anyone can help at all. Just some advice or a shoulder to cry on would be AMAZING. Thanks for reading and have a good one guys!

Edited by TomBoyAB
Link to comment
30 minutes ago, Alvin Seville said:

Sorry if this sounds rude, but it’d be a hell of a lot easier to read whatever it is you said if you used paragraphs.

No offence but massive walls of texts like this I find too hard to read.

Sorry. Kinda got caught up in all the venting. I just edited it. Does it look ok now?

Edited by TomBoyAB
Link to comment

Heya, TomBoyAB,

It looks like you have a lot going on.  I'm not noticing the wall of text, so Good Job on the re-organization.

One thing I notice on many of the younger ones posting to leave home is the lack of awareness of funding, like especially saying they can buy an RV for Pete's sake.  I see that you are aware, and I think that is good.

If you can get off the meds since there is conflict about them, that could be a good thing.  You are young enough, that I would suggest doing something physical, just walking to start with, get your metabolism up, get your body in shape, get endorphins from physical activity,  a good thing, and maybe that will help you start acclimating to a new you and also take the *edge* off.   Someone who takes charge and the endorphins helping you feel better, additionally lowering your anxiety for good measure.  Walking in your neighborhood or somewhere where you can, getting you out of the house, allowing you to be alone, collect your thoughts or just not think for a while, I believe would be beneficial providing you are physically able.  Don't walk and text, just enjoy being outside and being a part of it.  Hopefully, if you have a nice spot to walk in, your thoughts will become calming.  Enjoy the moment.

If I am way off base, let me know.  I just think without knowing everything, it could be a good start for you.  Babysteps to start.  Activity could help you, and if it is more severe, then I probably am way off base.   Give it a try.

Link to comment

I think maybe you should talk to the doctor who took you off the medicine and tell him/her what you are feeling as well.  You need to talk to someone.  If you can talk to someone professionally and tell them what you are saying here, maybe someone qualified can help you.  I am adding this part this morning.

Link to comment

Thanks for the help , ELLIE52! I really appreciate you taking the time to post some good advice!:3 I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it at my next appointment. I may even call around for a therapist (seeing as my insurance SHOULD cover it). I've just never been good with dealing with my actual emotions.

I was raised as one of the boys and I swear I'm worse than any man trying to express myself. It gets difficult at times.

My friends are happy to help (because they're AMAZING x3) but of course there's work, bills, significant others, basically just the rest of life in general. They can't physically be there for me 24/7 and I need to accept that. It kinda scares me to think that if I ever stop these medications, I could feel even worse than I do right now! But, I'll tell them anyway. It's better to just come out with it and see what options there are than to keep going on like this.

So thanks again for the great advice and you taking the time out of your day to type it up!:3

Link to comment

I can't 'officially' say to drop Meds on your own but for me that was the method that worked in letting me cope with my depression best. It's not easy this way but the results are better and it's the results that I've got to live with, not the methods. Meds alter you and sometimes that's what you need- and sometimes that only makes things worse. You've got to figure out what does best for you and that is best done with all your people (including your Medical team) watching and helping you. Survive first, then chip away at the problems as best you can until you reach the point where the Meds needed are at the minimum with zero Meds being the goal if that is possible for you (which it isn't always possible). It's a constant and life-long effort that some of us are simply stuck with but life can be good even with our problems so never stop trying to do better ;)

Bettypooh

Link to comment

I've never gone through depression. However, I can relate a bit. when it seems like nothing positive is going on, it's easy to feel angry. life is hard. Good thing is, it sounds like you have a few good support systems. Friends, therapists, and a brother that would take you in. That's good. Really all you can do is keep going, try to make positive things happen if you can.

Also, I'm no expert, but music has always been a great stress reliever for me, and I had a friend who was a music therapist, which I guess is a thing. Also, maybe keeping a journal of kind might help. Getting feelings out one way or another might do some good.

 

About a year into my marriage I fell into a slump. I'm a very solitary person, and I was having a hard time adjusting I think. I acted normal, looked normal, but I felt mad. all the time. I didn't even understand why or what. Probably not the same, but I get it a bit I think.

I hope things improve. Good luck and remember your never alone.

 

Link to comment
On 5/21/2018 at 10:39 PM, vampire4 said:

I've never gone through depression.

About a year into my marriage I fell into a slump. I'm a very solitary person, and I was having a hard time adjusting I think. I acted normal, looked normal, but I felt mad. all the time. I didn't even understand why or what. Probably not the same, but I get it a bit I think.

Yes, you have gone through depression. It affects everyone differently, but that is a very common feeling.

TomBoyAB,

Talk to your doctors. It took me years to get on the right balance of meds and dosage. ADs are different for everyone and there is no standard cure. Yes, there are interactions between the drugs and even some of your foods. (Grapefruit anyone?) Tell him/her EVERYTHING because all of those little things (to you) may be important clues.

In the meantime, as hard as it is, get out and exercise. Take your dog for a walk, find a local trail, whatever.  Just make certain it is safe- you know, public and all that. The endorphins will help, as will the Vitamin D. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

In addition to having walks, I'd make some friends outside the AB/DL community and spend time with them when you can.  I find having a little bit of social time outside of family does wonders for my mood.  Even if it's just having lunch with a friend, playing video games for an hour, or having someone join you on the walks.

Link to comment

Thanks again guys! I really appreciate each and every one of you taking time out of your day to help me out! I actually have my appointment with my psychiatrist later today. To make sure he knows as much as possible, I think I may copy and paste my original post (edit it a little, just in case any ABDL related things are in it that I didn't catch) on a blank document on my phone to show him. Again, I really appreciate all of your time! Have a great one guys!:3 

You ROCK! :3

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...