My mother's vist

[Galaxie 66]

I'm really not looking forward to my mothers visit this fall . She will be staying with the wife and for about three months , I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it.

I'm an atheist and she's a hardcore Penticostal, that's how I was raised ,she is all consumed with religion and can't stand anything that goes against what she believes and is always digging at my beliefs with hers .

I love my mom but just can't stand her very long and then to I can't be my diapers self when I want to be .

I have no problems with what she believes in but there just seems to be no middle ground with her  , she's easily offended by things that don't don't fit her lifestyle , I know she loves me but can't accept what I am , I feel so  unaccepted and fround upon . It really makes me feel bad .

My mother lives with my sister and usually will spend a few months with us, she's a sweet old woman, nearly blind and can't live by herself she used to be much more independent but my sister has coddled and catered to her to much and shes now like a child in some ways.

I'm sorry for the vent , maybe somebody can relate and give me some advice because I really don't have much patience with her . 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

12 minutes ago, Galaxie 66 said:

I'm really not looking forward to my mothers visit this fall . She will be staying with the wife and for about three months , I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it.

I'm an atheist and she's a hardcore Penticostal, that's how I was raised ,she is all consumed with religion and can't stand anything that goes against what she believes and is always digging at my beliefs with hers .

I love my mom but just can't stand her very long and then to I can't be my diapers self when I want to be .

I have no problems with what she believes in but there just seems to be no middle ground with her  , she's easily offended by things that don't don't fit her lifestyle , I know she loves me but can't accept what I am , I feel so  unaccepted and fround upon . It really makes me feel bad .

My mother lives with my sister and usually will spend a few months with us, she's a sweet old woman, nearly blind and can't live by herself she used to be much more independent but my sister has coddled and catered to her to much and shes now like a child in some ways.

I'm sorry for the vent , maybe somebody can relate and give me some advice because I really don't have much patience with her . 

Are you talking about your ABDL side or just your disbelief in God?  I face a similar situation with my wife as she is Apostolic and she has very strong faith in a higher power.  I tend to look more logically at things and it does upset my wife.  My wife is certainately no angel that is for sure but in her opinion as long as she believes and has faith that everything is okay.

The way I survive is I simply ignore her beliefs.  I respect them but I just do not agree with them.  I love her more than anything still which is why I let some things go in one ear and out the other so to speak.  

[oliver d]

I know how you feel but one day she won t be around any more and then you will say to yourself why was I so impatient with her she is the only one you ve got.Look past her believes and leave diapers alone as long as she is there thats what I do when my parents visit.

[Galaxie 66]

I really don't have that much of a problem putting the diapers away she dont know about them and that's how that should be.

She just has a way of making me feel like I'm not as good as my 2 sisters because I can't make myself believe in the same things they do .

We have never been a close family .

[rusty pins]

Simple but hard.  "Mom, I love you but this is my house.  I'm glad you came to stay with us, but don't press your church on me and respect me for who I am.  I am my own person and while you may not agree with how I live my life, it's my life.  At this stage of our lives, let's just enjoy our time together without arguments and controversy."   Don't expect it to work, but who knows?

[Bettypooh]

My Mom recently passed away and it was quite hard on me as I truly loved her dearly. As much as I hate to say it, there wasn't much to like about my Mom and normally I couldn't stand to be around her for too long. That wasn't tough to arrange when she was living at home but as she declined in her old age we had to place her in a nursing home since we couldn't provide the 24-hour supervision she needed at that point. Till that point Mom had her mind as completely as any 89 year old could, but in her last year I had to watch that slowly slip away and it was heartbreaking. Inside that shell of a person was someone who loved me without reservation and that was the one thing which she never lost. My sisters didn't get along with her too well but they loved her too.

I was a real hellion in my teens and though it took me ages to see it, I finally came to understand what Mom's love had done for me. She not only kept my sisters and me clothed, fed, and housed as we grew up she did that on a nearly minimum-wage income. That woman gave her all for us and wanted nothing in return except our love. Even her bad qualities could not exceed that- she was amazing in that way. She bailed me out of jail. She loaned me money. She always stopped and made me a meal or a snack when I visited her of something she knew I really liked. She was ready to accept me when my Transition to womanhood was imminent. She even gave me some dresses so I'd look pretty. I couldn't have asked for more. But she had her bad sides too- she was two-faced, prejudiced, spiteful, hateful, manipulative, and rather stupid when you saw her personal side, but her public side was the extremely nice person she wanted everyone to think that she was. But she was my Mom and she had given her all for me and my sisters, and that meant more.

When she was in her mid-80's I began considering that she wouldn't be around forever even though she could still out-work most people half her age. And I don't like a life with regrets. So oneday during a visit with her we discussed all of our feelings towards each other and made amends for the bad things that had happened between us. I made my peace with her and made sure that she knew that I'd always love her and that I deeply appreciated all that she'd done for me, and how much the good things she had tried to teach me had finally changed me into a decent person. Even though we disagreed on more than we agreed on. We agreed to leave those disagreements alone from then on- they were settled now. And though they still came up sometimes I forgave her for her bringing them up; after all she was strong in her beliefs and that was part of what kept her going through life. I'd find an excuse to leave so I could keep my own sanity and peace intact. That little 'trick' kept the peace and love between us; then came the nursing home...

After awhile there, Mom's bad side had become known and she had lost the few friends she'd made there. All she had left to bring her any happiness were the visits from my sisters and me. Her mind started going away and that finally got so bad that sometimes she didn't even know who I was even though we always had lunch together every Sunday like clockwork. During her lucid times she told me how much that meant to her. I wished that I could do more for her but I couldn't. To the end I did that- it wasn't much to repay her for the constant years she gave up her time for me and my sisters but it was enough for her. Mom understood. She always understood. Mom was amazing sometimes. My sisters waited til near her end before they made their peace with Mom. I don't think they understood that the ones benefiting most from that would be them, but I'm glad they did it and it helped Mom too because that takes all the crap out of the way that inhibits love, and love from their children is what every Mom wants the most. It's what they live for. And it's not much to ask for all the things Mom's have done for us. Make your peace with your Mom while you can because she won't be here forever. Forgive her any shortcomings she may have because you and me aren't perfect either. Learn to be patient with her because she spent decades being patient with you. Make sure she knows you love her and that you appreciate all the sacrifices she made for you. Return the unconditional love she gave you as best you can while you can no matter how hard that is on you. Find a way to avoid anything bad between you and a way to maintain your own sanity. Make your peace while you can for your sake and hers too.

I had to stop several times writing this to let the tears flow. Mom's been gone for several months now but I still see her smile on me showing up up have lunch with her on Sunday and I still know how much she loved me. I'm amazed that she could love someone like me and at what she gave up for me just so that I'd be happy. Even though we had our differences- big ones- I still miss her and I always will. If I ever did anything worth doing it was in making my peace with her and getting past all the childish crap that inhibited the love between us. You need to do the same. We're not perfect but we can always love. With Mom if you give a bit it comes back ten-fold. Do it.

Bettypooh

[Galaxie 66]

Wow Betty Pooh, that's a mouth full and really kind of on the lines that I was thinking . I really do love my mom just don't like her all the time and that's the thing that I really want to change .

My wife and I are planning to try to talk with her and get some of the things that bother us out in the open but then to give her the opportunity to talk also . There are things that I cannot change about myself and will not change and I know the way she believes gives her comfort and security .

When my father died I built a room on to my house special for her with her favorite colors and we even Incorporated a crystal chandaleir I restored that she really loved that belonged to her mother.

We usually only have her for about 3 months out of the year and I just want things to go smoothly she tells my sister she feel unwelcome hear at times and I really don't want her to feel that way .

 

It's strange my mother and father in-law live right next door and I have a better repoure with them than I had or have with my own parents .

 

Sometimes I just think that after my son was killed I had to become a harder person just to survive it was either that or wiskey ,drugs or suicide and those weren't an option as we still had our daughter to raise .

 

I always said that ( life is a symphony of chaos and we are our own conductor's )

[deewet]

On this mothers day, it hard to not say anything good about our mothers.  Remember, they gave you the best gift of all, your life!

Having said that, if your mother comes for a visit, even an extended one, you must accept her with open arms.  You can place limits on some of the issues you can talk about if it has been a problem over the years, but you must respect her and her religious beliefs, even if they are not yours.  

With that in mind, it works both ways.  If you regularly wear diapers, I would not hide this, simply find a way to tell your mother.  While you don't have to tell her that you wear these simply for pleasure, there are little white lies that can help like I have developed a "xxx" over time and these give me peace of mind or something.  I am sure your mother will understand, as it is certain she knows others at her age that also use diapers on regular occasion.

You must not turn your mother away simple because you don't agree with her religious or political beliefs, she is still your birth mother, the only one you will ever have and you must continue a loving relation with her no matter what.  When she passes on, you will deeply regret or even hate yourself if this is not the case!

 

[Bettypooh]

It's in open communications- that is the core of all relationships. Past that, it's the willingness of each person to overlook the "bad" to see the good, and yo do their best to avoid mentioning that "bad". Plus forgiving them when they forget to do that. It's not hard to say 'Mom, you know we disagree on that and I'd rather you don't speak of it around me because it angers me or hurts me' or whatever. Or 'Mom, you know I'm like that and I'm not going to change so please stop trying to do that'. But always end with the reminder that you love each other anyway no matter what- never let it end on a our note.

When we get old we get set in our ways and change gets harder to achieve but we can change if we want to- it just takes us more time. You're going to be that way too someday so let that fact help you find patience now when you need it the most. Don't let yourself hold anything in or get run over by someone who isn't willing to meet you halfway but remember that they have feelings too. And as a last resort you may have to remind them who's in charge- you- and that they can either abide by your decisions or walk away. Try to express that gently if it gets that far and don't raise your voice and argue. And remember that you can walk away too.

Somewhere out there is my Mom, I can feel her smiling down on me today because she knows that I love her and that nobody can ever change that. I know she remembers the last thing I said to her- "I love you Mom"- and that I meant it with all my heart. Since I don't have her here today let me wish every Mom a Happy Mother's Day in her place along with my sincere wishes that all your children will love you as deeply as I did my own Mom forever. All Mom's are awesome

Bettypooh

[Galaxie 66]

Well it's that time of the year again , I will be picking my mom up at the airport the first weekend of May .

We had a really great visit last year and she asked if she could park a camper trailer in the back of our property if she bought one . I told her I could just build her a little studio in my shop and it would be far better to live in than a trailer so to make the story short I have been constructing a mother in law quarters in my shop.

She's been very exited and is looking forward to the added independance she lost when my father died and she began splitting her time between my sister's house and ours .

I've been happy to do it for her and even happier I will be wrapping this 8 month project up this weekend and I will once again have my weekends back without having to work on her apt .

Thank you all for your advice it really helped our relationship and cleared alot of the tension my mother and I both had toward one another .

[oliver d]

Good for you.

[Bettypooh]

That's wonderful of you There may still be times of conflict but remember that whatever time you have left together is all there is. Use it well to make up for times lost in the past 

Bettypooh