Curious, who has it harder being a DL?

[Knighttymebirdie]

So, I want to write a blog post that I'll eventually share on Twitter. What is everyone's idea of which gender or sex has the harder time being a diaper lover? Men or women? Hetero-, homo-, bi-, or trans- sexual folks? No wrong answers here.

 

What I think, personally, is that men have the harder time being a DL. First, men are expected to be tough as dictated by our societal constructs. Second, if a man wears a diaper whether anyone knows or otherwise, whether he shows it or otherwise, he's considered either very ill (either mentally or physically), a psychopath, or has issues dealing with adulthood for whatever reason.

 

In my opinion, for whatever it may be worth, I think women have it easier being a DL. I think it's somewhat more acceptable for girls to be wearing diapers. Before you begin writing a rage comment reply to this post, please consider that this is just an observational point. Let me explain.

 

As opposed to a man wearing diapers, either for medical need or for fun, when women wear diapers, society is less harsh on the woman DL. I would dare to say that society even accepts her diaper wearing habit far easier than a guy, believing it to be cute, adorable, or has no preconceived notions that she is either sick, or a psychopath. She is, in my view which could be wrong as I'm willing to concede, given far more leeway doing such things even if it's for sexual reasons.

 

Whereas men get labeled a pervert, a sick man, possibly emotionally abusive or sexually inept, maybe even psychologically incapable of adulthood in society's mindset. Women, for the most part, don't often get those labels. They're not seen as potential sexual assault predators, or perverted sexual deviants.

 

But again. I digress, I don't know any of this for sure. Which is why I believe it is important to explore why society tends to mislabel men, and misinterpret our DL-ing behaviors as being a disease or a mental health problem. I also believe that society takes a far less harsh view when it comes to a DL woman.

 

As for being heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc, it creates a whole other dynamic of life for a diaper lover. Or even if one of us is single, married, or have other kinds of relationships with men and/or women. Essentially, before we even have met someone, regardless if they're an AB or DL, or both, or have other kinks, society has given us many false preconceived notions about each other. So much so nowadays that we have to go thru a dozen layers of protection, no pun intended, just to get to know people on a personal level, and that's BEFORE we let potential life partners become intimate with us, and get to know AB/DL at all.

 

So, what say you? If you had to make an assessment, based upon empirical evidence, what gender, sexuality, relationship status, etc has the hardest time being an AB or DL?

 

I really believe it's men, but I could be wrong, as always.

 

-The Knight Owl 2018

 

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[Guest]

The official Olympic Games are held every two years, alternating between Summer Games and Winter Games. Contrary to popular perception, the Games are not a contest between countries but between individual athletes and teams of athletes. These athletes compete until, by a predetermined set of rules, a winner emerges, and the winner, along with the first and second runners up, receive a medal corresponding to the placement.

By contrast, the Misery Olympics are held everyday by persons who, for one reason or another, wish to establish which demographic group has it worse in one, several, many, or even all ways and realms. This competition possesses no fixed rules but is instead a free-for-all verbal melee quickly devolving into ad hominem attacks and Hitler comparisons. No one ever wins, but yet all those choosing to engage lose, and in the process participants have been known to debase themselves, say things they don’t mean, give and receive offense intentionally and unintentionally, and come away more convinced than ever of what they already believed and angry that no one’s point of view was brought around to their own.

At several points in the history of the official Olympic Games, countries have chosen to boycott the event to make a political statement. This sad practice is due to the mistaken belief that the competition is between countries and not athletes, and this coopting of the Games for political purposes has deprived athletes from the boycotting countries of their right to participate in an event to which they have dedicated their lives and earned a place among giants. For these reasons, I generally oppose boycotts of the official Olympic Games.

When it comes to the Misery Olympics, I boycott them all day, every day, and wish others would do the same.

[Knighttymebirdie]

The official Olympic Games are held every two years, alternating between Summer Games and Winter Games. Contrary to popular perception, the Games are not a contest between countries but between individual athletes and teams of athletes. These athletes compete until, by a predetermined set of rules, a winner emerges, and the winner, along with the first and second runners up, receive a medal corresponding to the placement.
By contrast, the Misery Olympics are held everyday by persons who, for one reason or another, wish to establish which demographic group has it worse in one, several, many, or even all ways and realms. This competition possesses no fixed rules but is instead a free-for-all verbal melee quickly devolving into ad hominem attacks and Hitler comparisons. No one ever wins, but yet all those choosing to engage lose, and in the process participants have been known to debase themselves, say things they don’t mean, give and receive offense intentionally and unintentionally, and come away more convinced than ever of what they already believed and angry that no one’s point of view was brought around to their own.
At several points in the history of the official Olympic Games, countries have chosen to boycott the event to make a political statement. This sad practice is due to the mistaken belief that the competition is between countries and not athletes, and this coopting of the Games for political purposes has deprived athletes from the boycotting countries of their right to participate in an event to which they have dedicated their lives and earned a place among giants. For these reasons, I generally oppose boycotts of the official Olympic Games.
When it comes to the Misery Olympics, I boycott them all day, every day, and wish others would do the same.

Again, no wrong answers. Just expressing an opinion. Nothing wrong with that. Or is there? I just think some groups do have it hard being who they are. Whether a part of the AB/DL community or otherwise, life is difficult, and some of us want to discuss it rather than let it bottle up. Maybe even learn from one another how to cope better with the challenges of our lives. Is that so bad a thing to be doing?

Or is it just you that doesn't like it that someone wants to explore such topics?

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[Guest]

 

6 hours ago, Knighttymebirdie said:

Again, no wrong answers. Just expressing an opinion. Nothing wrong with that. Or is there? I just think some groups do have it hard being who they are. Whether a part of the AB/DL community or otherwise, life is difficult, and some of us want to discuss it rather than let it bottle up. Maybe even learn from one another how to cope better with the challenges of our lives. Is that so bad a thing to be doing?

Or is it just you that doesn't like it that someone wants to explore such topics?

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
 

You didn’t say, “Let’s discuss life’s dificulties”. You said:

 

7 hours ago, Knighttymebirdie said:

What is everyone's idea of which gender or sex has the harder time being a diaper lover? Men or women? Hetero-, homo-, bi-, or trans- sexual folks?

Of course being ABDl is hard. Therein lies the point. “Who has it harder” is like asking “whose pain is worse”. It’s subjective and unanswerable. It doesn’t invite people to commiserate, which is usually healthy. It invites them to compete because the question, by its nature, demands an ordering, and competition on this topic is not healthy.

It’s a dead end because pain is not relative. The degree of someone else’s pain does not lessen your own. The existence of someone else’s pain is never as real to a person as their own (which is why the answer people give to this questionis is so often, “Mine is”). Whatever your intentions, that is always where this conversation goes, whether the topic is a fetish or the impact of low-skill immigration or urban versus rural poverty.

If others want to engage, go right ahead. I didn’t ask or tell anyone to do otherwise. I’ve said my piece.

I will only add that I’m suspicious of the intentions of someone who on their seventh post brings up a topic like this with the express intent of writing about their findings on a vanilla social platform. It makes me think someone is hoping to capitalize on this somehow, like becoming the next fetish spokesperson. If I’m wrong and you have no ulterior motive, I apologize.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I do not have the free time to ponder all of this. I have a life

[DL4LIFE]

45 minutes ago, xander.williams said:

 

 

If others want to engage, go right ahead. I didn’t ask or tell anyone to do otherwise. I’ve said my piece.

 

Or maybe the OP could just delete the whole conversation and debate like you do. 

You seem like a person who thinks its your opinion that matters the most and when things get rough you can't handle criticism. Note: last week you started a post about being involved in a product research on incontinence products.  You willfully admitted you lied that you dribbled when clearly you don't.  There was a nice debate going on about your integrity and your disigenuious means of being involved in such research for those who truly need the product. There was some going back and forth between myself and another member when all of a sudden the post disappeared which led me to believe that you deleted it. Now there are two individuals who are capable of deleting posts, 1 is the original poster and 2 is an Admin. Now I dont believe the debate was so hostile that the admins had to step in.

The OP here ask a simple question and left it open for debate. I dont think there was an arterial motive for the post and I'm sickened how you can hijack the post without really giving any thought to other members opinion as if only yours matters.

Now I've said my piece too.

Now on to the OPs topic at hand. I as a man of my early 50s being a DL today isn't nearly as difficult as it was back before the internet and social media came along. I  believe it is harder for men of my generation and older because back then men  were expected to be men. Grow up, get a job, start a family. Be a man.

I have no opinion of the LGBT community because I've never walk in there shoes. But again long before this little thing we call social media that whole community was largely shunned by society and if you add ABDL on top of that well I can only imagine. 

If you ask me today who has it harder I still say straight men. Especially those of the older generation that still interact daily with like generation, through work and social life alike. 

[nappylover78]

All depends (no pun intended!) on your own personal circumstances - job, family, friends, interests, living arrangements etc.

It is probably easier for women to "explain away" wearing nappies though. Some women are left in nappies at a relatively young age by pregnancy/childbirth complications, whereas for men it's generally prostate issues which tend to occur at older ages. You would be less surprised at say a 40-year-old woman being in nappies than a man the same age.

[DL4LIFE]

I would like to add that the word "psychopath" referring to men and being DL is a little strong here. I've never considered myself a psychopath with the affliction of being a DL. Something's wrong with me, yeah I  must have some sort of mental disorder,  but never had psychopathic thoughts or tendencies. 

[le Hollandais]

You're asking for a comparison based solely on experience. There's not much of an objectively valid way of making such a comparison when all you know is your own experience. In other words it's like asking an 18 year old which state do you like living in better, Idaho, or New Jersey, when the individual has never lived outside Boise in all her 18 years.

[dyperbole]

I'm not sure it's that tough for anyone to be AB or DL anymore.  There are many vendors that sell diapers and other AB/DL items both online and in brick-and-mortar stores.  There are literally thousands of pictures of obviously non-ABDL people wearing adult diapers in public for any number of events: parades, college hazing, costume parties, "lost a bet", etc.  The shock value of seeing an adult in a diaper has significantly decreased over the years.  There are even Federal lawsuits between major AB/DL diaper vendors being litigated.

The Internet has been a boon for anyone who has had feelings about wanting to wear diapers.  Any question I had about my fetish has been answered, and the sheer number of other AB/DL people out there on the net make me realize that I am nowhere near the only weird person who wanted to wear diapers as an adult.

As an older person, I've known several male colleagues who have needed urine drip pads or adult diapers short-term and long-term.  Some take it in stride, some are embarrassed about it, some make jokes about it.  It seems that over half of my wife's friends (including her) have used Poise pads or other urine collection pads at some point.

As kids stay in diapers longer and longer, it isn't that surprising to parents that some people may want to wear diapers.  Some parents I know have been able to get their child potty trained by 2 years old, but I know of a couple others who were having issues with their kids in diapers full time at age 6.  If there are 6 year old children that want to wear diapers, it isn't a big stretch to find out that some adults may want to wear diapers.

Nowadays I don't feel it being hard at all to wear diapers.  I do keep my fetish to my residence,  or hidden in my trousers on the occasions I wear one out in public.  I imagine there are some people that know I like to wear diapers: garbage men, maids, vendors that know my name and address, etc.  So far no one has admitted to my face that they know.  And that's fine with me.

 

[DL4LIFE]

4 hours ago, le Hollandais said:

You're asking for a comparison based solely on experience. There's not much of an objectively valid way of making such a comparison when all you know is your own experience. In other words it's like asking an 18 year old which state do you like living in better, Idaho, or New Jersey, when the individual has never lived outside Boise in all her 18 years.

I don't believe the OP was asking us to compare or looking for comparisons . The OP simply asked the question of who we think had/has it harder being afflicted with ABDL. Now if we decide to debate the topic then we will be the ones comparing. 

[DL4LIFE]

46 minutes ago, dyperbole said:

I'm not sure it's that tough for anyone to be AB or DL anymore.  There are many vendors that sell diapers and other AB/DL items both online and in brick-and-mortar stores.  There are literally thousands of pictures of obviously non-ABDL people wearing adult diapers in public for any number of events: parades, college hazing, costume parties, "lost a bet", etc.  The shock value of seeing an adult in a diaper has significantly decreased over the years.  There are even Federal lawsuits between major AB/DL diaper vendors being litigated.

The Internet has been a boon for anyone who has had feelings about wanting to wear diapers.  Any question I had about my fetish has been answered, and the sheer number of other AB/DL people out there on the net make me realize that I am nowhere near the only weird person who wanted to wear diapers as an adult.

As an older person, I've known several male colleagues who have needed urine drip pads or adult diapers short-term and long-term.  Some take it in stride, some are embarrassed about it, some make jokes about it.  It seems that over half of my wife's friends (including her) have used Poise pads or other urine collection pads at some point.

As kids stay in diapers longer and longer, it isn't that surprising to parents that some people may want to wear diapers.  Some parents I know have been able to get their child potty trained by 2 years old, but I know of a couple others who were having issues with their kids in diapers full time at age 6.  If there are 6 year old children that want to wear diapers, it isn't a big stretch to find out that some adults may want to wear diapers.

Nowadays I don't feel it being hard at all to wear diapers.  I do keep my fetish to my residence,  or hidden in my trousers on the occasions I wear one out in public.  I imagine there are some people that know I like to wear diapers: garbage men, maids, vendors that know my name and address, etc.  So far no one has admitted to my face that they know.  And that's fine with me.

 

Surely as a man of 50+ you can relate to growing up with no internet or social media. A time when social interaction was  not only neccessary but often forced upon  you. And you are so correct that in todays world yes it's way more acceptable. But we have to admit that women would receive less grief if caught wearing a diaper. 

Like you said you keep it in your residence as do I. We're not going to flaunt it and why is that reason? Because we know how we could be judged and ridiculed by our peers and society in general. 

Women have been getting away with this for a long time(and I don't mean getting away like its some crime they're commiting).They can go to a straight bar and dance with each other and many will never bat an eye but those that do view as sexy or cute. But what happens if 2 men were to dance with each other in that same bar?

Women have been wearing mens clothing for as long as i can remember but take a man who wears womens clothes.  Ridicule all around. 

A woman can walk down a busy street wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt with little fear of being ridiculed or judge harshly. Sure she's gonna get some looks,but what if some hairy, potbellied middle aged guy was to do the same? What do you think the public's reaction/perception of the guy is gonna be? 

So yeah I agree that women in todays world have it the easiest when it comes to ABDL. And straight men have it the hardest.

Now we're comparing. 

 

[Knighttymebirdie]

Surely as a man of 50+ you can relate to growing up with no internet or social media. A time when social interaction was  not only neccessary but often forced upon  you. And you are so correct that in todays world yes it's way more acceptable. But we have to admit that women would receive less grief if caught wearing a diaper. 
Like you said you keep it in your residence as do I. We're not going to flaunt it and why is that reason? Because we know how we could be judged and ridiculed by our peers and society in general. 
Women have been getting away with this for a long time(and I don't mean getting away like its some crime they're commiting).They can go to a straight bar and dance with each other and many will never bat an eye but those that do view as sexy or cute. But what happens if 2 men were to dance with each other in that same bar?
Women have been wearing mens clothing for as long as i can remember but take a man who wears womens clothes.  Ridicule all around. 
A woman can walk down a busy street wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt with little fear of being ridiculed or judge harshly. Sure she's gonna get some looks,but what if some hairy, potbellied middle aged guy was to do the same? What do you think the public's reaction/perception of the guy is gonna be? 
So yeah I agree that women in todays world have it the easiest when it comes to ABDL. And straight men have it the hardest.
Now we're comparing. 
 

To be fair, I will be 40 next year, and I'm part of the "sandwich generation" where some of us grew up without internet or social media networks. So, I still remember days when a boy even as young as 10 was expected to act like a young adult far before his time. And yes, I was into wearing diapers for fun even as I was a bedwetter at the time. For many reasons, I kind of felt I deserved it even though I was told by a urologist later on that it was NEVER at all my fault.

Only two of my female cousins knew about this. One died recently, and as far as I know, she took it to her grave about my ABDL-fetish. Whether she told her daughters is something I hope never happened. This is why I believe it to be harder for a guy to be a DL or an AB. We've been bred to act manly, but because of the Mom brigade of the late 80's and early 90's that shut down a lot of cartoon animated violence, we young boys of that era were forced very quickly to grow up quite fast.

Perhaps that's why I also feel it is far harder for a guy in my age range. We're told to be adults too early without the proper emotional education along the way. So, when someone thinks of a diaper lover man, society thinks in their minds "Ew, he must be sick or a pervert! Maybe he wants to harm children!"

Of course, we all know this to be untrue, and largely inaccurate. But that's not what society depends (pun intended) on. They depend on what they feel rather than what is based in fact. Whereas a girl or woman diaper lover is considered adorable, cute, playful even, and is considered by society as someone who needs attention, help with a medical problem, etc

Though. Once more, this isn't a thread about comparisons as someone else pointed out. I want this to be an open, honest discussion on why we feel these things at all, and maybe we can learn from each other how to avoid certain stereotyping of the gender roles.

That was my intent behind this thread. Not a "pissing contest" as it were.

-JTK 2018

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[DL4LIFE]

4 hours ago, Knighttymebirdie said:

Though. Once more, this isn't a thread about comparisons as someone else pointed out. I want this to be an open, honest discussion on why we feel these things at all, and maybe we can learn from each other how to avoid certain stereotyping of the gender roles.

 

Fair enough. Your right and I actually stated that you were not looking for comparisons, just made a statement that I was now showing an example of comparing which I really dont want to do. 

Never thought of such a thing as the "sandwich generation".  I can clearly see your point. I learned something new today so I say thank you. 

Yeah it was hard not understanding why I was afflicted with this. Still can't figure it out to this day. Don't know how many times I beat myself up mentally and verbally over it. Couldn't tell you how many times I ask myself " why me!!!". Truthfully I'm glad those days are behind me and I have some understanding, although no clear answers, as to why. I'm glad to have communities like this as I know I am no longer alone. It's just a shame so many of my years were wasted trying to come to terms with it. 

 

[DL4LIFE]

3 hours ago, KinsyInRibbons said:

Grass is always greener on the other side.

Just remember, the reasons you gave for diapers being more acceptable only work because society consider women to be frail, fragile, and child like... 

Like I said, grass is greener on the other side.

 I grew up in a generation where women weren't consider fragile and frail. This perception I have now is what I experienced and learned once I left small town USA. Up until that time I saw women as strongholds of the family dynamics.(btw i stll do)  There was nothing fragile or frail about the women in those days. They ruled the roost. They were the glue that kept the family together. Even the men didn't deny them this. Oh sure they argued with the wives but they knew in the long run without them they'd be shit. Men were the wheel and women were the spokes. One missing spoke and the whole wheel is off balance and the dynamics of that family fell apart.

I couldn't imagine a man of my generation and up bringing revealing to his wife that he wants to wear diapers. Omfg!

It took me almost thirteen years to reveal to my wife, not for fear of her killing me, but for fear of her rejecting me and telling others about my diaper desires. Looking back I wished I told her sooner but that is water under the bridge. I was brought up with the preconceived notions that a man is a man and he needs to be a man, not some diaper wearing weirdo who associated himself to the likeness of a baby.

[Bettypooh]

Regards different genders or sexual orientations it's only different, not better or worse overall. We all get our share of social BS- it just happens in different ways. And a lot of what we get is based on where we started from. Though both could be hetero males, what happens with a heavy construction worker will be miles different than what happens with a sales clerk at a furniture store. Even in a single demographic people vary

I've found out in life than much of what you feel is repressing you is you and your approach to things. I have more social freedom and acceptance as a kinder gentler person than I did when I was a hard-core misfit Back in my bad days diapers would be a big problem but not now, yet I still present myself as a more-or-less hetero male. So these categories really don't work, nor can any  All you can say for certain is how it affects you as an individual then hopefully try to make that better for yourself- and you should

Bettypooh

[Knighttymebirdie]

 I grew up in a generation where women weren't consider fragile and frail. This perception I have now is what I experienced and learned once I left small town USA. Up until that time I saw women as strongholds of the family dynamics.(btw i stll do)  There was nothing fragile or frail about the women in those days. They ruled the roost. They were the glue that kept the family together. Even the men didn't deny them this. Oh sure they argued with the wives but they knew in the long run without them they'd be shit. Men were the wheel and women were the spokes. One missing spoke and the whole wheel is off balance and the dynamics of that family fell apart.
I couldn't imagine a man of my generation and up bringing revealing to his wife that he wants to wear diapers. Omfg!
It took me almost thirteen years to reveal to my wife, not for fear of her killing me, but for fear of her rejecting me and telling others about my diaper desires. Looking back I wished I told her sooner but that is water under the bridge. I was brought up with the preconceived notions that a man is a man and he needs to be a man, not some diaper wearing weirdo who associated himself to the likeness of a baby.

To be fair, I was taught that women were fragile things, and sometimes weak. I grew up among many female cousins, two of which know my diaper fetish that stemmed from my bedwetter days, and I've come to learn thru experience that women are anything BUT weak or fragile, much less frail. That's just how my late father and late uncles, including the remaining surviving uncles made women out to be. My late father was the worst offender having mistreated my mother and had been highly abusive to her, to my older brother and myself. None of which was ever forgivable, and yet my mother kept taking him back after swearing to have been a "changed man".

But that's neither here nor there. The fact is he said a lot of crappy things about women based on his marriage (and later divorce) with my mother who is now disabled. It was based largely on what he said against what I observed both with my mother and my female cousins that taught me to disregard much of what he said.

That's where (and when) I was taught that women were creatures that required either too much attention, or required lots of money, or clothes, or shoes, or whatever. This is what I've kept saying in other comments that as children, we don't always have the best role models in our own families to draw life lessons from. Which is why I hid my diaper thing from my dad. I think he would not have ever understood why, because he wouldn't want to believe he had a lot to do with my feeling ashamed that I was allegedly (told) a very unique child in that regard.

Both my parents are actually guilty of it, because neither felt it was possible to undo their chaotic damage and take me to a doctor about my problems.

So, yeah, I mean I get it that we all have different upbringings, and the different "why" reasons we are part of the ABDL community, but this is also the reason I started this thread. To help one another undo the damage caused by years of psychological trauma and abuse by our childhood years done by either friends, family, or in my case, both!

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Fair enough. (Sic)...
 
Yeah it was hard not understanding why I was afflicted with this. Still can't figure it out to this day. Don't know how many times I beat myself up mentally and verbally over it. Couldn't tell you how many times I ask myself " why me!!!". Truthfully I'm glad those days are behind me and I have some understanding, although no clear answers, as to why. I'm glad to have communities like this as I know I am no longer alone. It's just a shame so many of my years were wasted trying to come to terms with it. 
 

Yeah, I have difficulty sometimes with that too, the "why me" and "why can't I just be... regular! I think that sometimes it is harder for a guy in our respective age groups. We're often taught, in error, that if you like it too much, that it makes you a (forgive the term) "a sissy"!

As I stated in another reply, the whole shame of being told I was the only known bedwetter in the whole world at 10 or even 12yrs old didn't help matters either.

I was prepared to live with it the rest of my life until my mother, finally and thankfully, took me to see a doctor to get "cured". But I would still walk down the baby aisles in stores, still feeling like I was meant to be in them.

Nowadays, it's become kind of a necessity to wear adult diapers since my medications are messing with my intestines, my bladder, my bowels, and my sphincter. So, now if someone were to catch me in one, I have now a legitimate reason why.

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[Red Yes Horse]

I’ve struggled with myself about this same thing.I’m a straight man that partakes in “manly” activities, like mechanic work, shooting, hunting, and others. While those things ain’t just for men, when guys like me do that stuff, we get the designation of “manly.” Which is completely fine, but when you’re branded as manly, people will think the worst if you if they find out you’ve got a soft side. Take my interest in My Little Pony, you see I like it enough that my username’s a joke about my favorite character from the show, and while my interest is completely innocent in the fact that it’s a “feel good” stress reliever for me, we Bronies get a bad reputation from the outside world (for various reasons). Watching the show and seeing the fan art makes me happy and less stressed than before. It’s the same way with diapers. While my interest in diapers is a little sexual, for the most part it’s a coping mechanism. I won’t try to claim I had a hard childhood to keep from the appearance of comparing, but mine was hard in its own way, and diapers help me feel young again, they make me remember the “good ole days” where I would just play with my toys and go to the bathroom at the same time. My Little Pony ends up playing into my diaper side, further proof that even the manliest if men need a way to cope from the stress of life and/or harsh childhoods. 

[Dubious]

The common way: Girls kissing is cute, boys kissing is gross and same can apply for diapers

Girls can get away with wearing childish clothes and using pacifier, for same reason

I only have plain onsies as I would be judged if I wore a printed one in public, but girls wont

etc.