My new parents (open)

[jan241989]

Alice: Anna can we talk please

[Wannatripbaby]

I keep crying into my pillow.

[jan241989]

Alice: I decide to respect your wishes and leave you alone

[Wannatripbaby]

I cry myself to sleep as I have many times before.

[jan241989]

Alice: I wait for you to come and talk to me

[Wannatripbaby]

I woke up later feeling a familiar numbness that came after crying myself to sleep. Lately it seemed like the best thing I ever felt. Like I was lying at the bottom of the ocean where nothing could hurt me. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to stay under the sea where it was safe.

[jan241989]

Alice: I come up and check on you

[Wannatripbaby]

My eyes snap open when I hear the door open. I look over at you and feel something different than the fear or shame I normally felt when parents came to check on me. But I wasn’t sure what to call it. It felt... bad. But in a different way than fear & shame felt.

[jan241989]

Alice: Anna do you want to talk about it

[Wannatripbaby]

I felt so small. Like an ant trespassing in their house who should be stepped on. I realized what I was feeling: guilt.

I shook my head and looked down. "I'm s-s-sorry."

[jan241989]

Alice: It's okay just tell me what's wrong (i sit down with you)

[Wannatripbaby]

"I-I-I just get s-s-scared sometimes and it makes me c-cry."

[jan241989]

Alice: I sorry about that (i put my hand on your knee)

[Wannatripbaby]

"N-n-no it's m-m-my fault. I'm just b-b-broken." I felt my eyes start to well ul with twars again. My throat was still raw from crying earlier.

[jan241989]

Alice: I sit you on my lap

[Wannatripbaby]

I shake in your lap, trying to hold back another meltdown.

[jan241989]

Bob: I watch tv

Alice: You do know we do love

[Wannatripbaby]

I shake my head. My chest hurting, tears starting to slip from my eyes.

[jan241989]

Alice: I grab a tissue and wipe the tears away

[Wannatripbaby]

After such a gentle, loving touch I couldn’t hold back any more and I buried my face in your dress and cried.

[jan241989]

Alice: I hold you as you cry

[Wannatripbaby]

After a few minutes my crying calms down and I'm just sobbing a little.

[jan241989]

Alice: It's okay just let it out

[Wannatripbaby]

I cling to you. Sniveling & sobbing.

[jan241989]

Alice: I get up and take you to the bathroom so we can clean your face up