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Coming to Accept I'm a Baby


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Let me begin by saying that I've been struggling with this for a long time. The Adult Baby "thing" has helped ruined two of my relationships and become the most frustrating thing in my life. I've gone through the usual binge and purge cycles, buying packs of diapers, baby food, bottles, pacifiers, and onesies, and throwing everything out in an effort to "rid myself of the beast". In the 5 years since I joined this forum, I've gotten married and become an uncle, which led to renewed determination to stop the baby nonsense and "grow up".

I can't do it anymore.

I can't ignore the baby in me. I can't pretend I don't notice the Baby Department of Walmart calling to me like a siren to a sailor. I can't see babies at the mall and refuse to accept that on some deeper level, I feel a sense of kinship when they look at me. I'm a fully grown adult, but inside I'm also a baby.

My wife doesn't really understand. She's refused to participate in my baby fantasies, and she will not allow me to go find a "mommy" or AB nursery to indulge in it. Today, we discussed the elephant in the room. She flat-out asked me what I want, and what I want from her. I told her that, since I respect her refusal to change me or "baby" me, I want to be able to wear diapers, suck on my Nuk Nuk, drink from my baba, and eat baby food openly. She consented, and I ordered 4 packs of ABUniverse Super Dry Kids and a Cookie Monster pacifier from PacifiersRUs.

The era of hiding my baby side is over. I'm not going to fly my Adult Baby flag out in public or around my family, but when I'm at home I'm not going to keep it hidden. Sometimes I'll feel compelled to play on the floor in a diaper (wet or messy optional), and sometimes I'll sit here reading a book or writing my first novel. But regardless, I'm embracing the baby in me as being every bit as relevant and important as the adult. No more "binge and purge", no more hiding what's inside me.

Baby Hawkeye is out of the crib. :)

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Good luck Hawkeye.  Sounds like you're doing the right thing to me.  It took me much longer to get where you are now, & I've never regretted it.  Things don't always go the way you want, but the relief of stopping living a lie was permanent for me, and made up for so much.

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I'm glad to hear you are making an effort to accept yourself... But if I might offer a few words of caution.

You say this is the end of your binge and purge cycle stuff but a lot of what you described in your post above sounded like binging. Remember to take it slow, don't have your wife come home from work one day to you in a messy diaper watching loud cartoons and making a mess with toys or whatever!

The second thing I wanted to say was to remember to respect your wife. It sounds simple and obvious but it's clear (at least the way your post is written) that she is most definitely not into it. Her letting you explore your baby side is great but don't push it and be a baby everyday or become obnoxious about it, remember she fell in love with adult you not baby you. Maybe one day she will start to join in a little or something but just remember that she may not be comfortable with it all.

Finally, remember to do lots of nice things for your wife. She is taking the diaper stuff much better than a lot of wife's might and you should be very thankful. Date nights, massages, whatever kinky thing she likes... Make sure that you show her your appreciation by putting aside a lot of time for her.

Good luck though, I hope all goes well for you!

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I'm glad to hear you are making an effort to accept yourself... But if I might offer a few words of caution.

You say this is the end of your binge and purge cycle stuff but a lot of what you described in your post above sounded like binging. Remember to take it slow, don't have your wife come home from work one day to you in a messy diaper watching loud cartoons and making a mess with toys or whatever!

The second thing I wanted to say was to remember to respect your wife. It sounds simple and obvious but it's clear (at least the way your post is written) that she is most definitely not into it. Her letting you explore your baby side is great but don't push it and be a baby everyday or become obnoxious about it, remember she fell in love with adult you not baby you. Maybe one day she will start to join in a little or something but just remember that she may not be comfortable with it all.

Finally, remember to do lots of nice things for your wife. She is taking the diaper stuff much better than a lot of wife's might and you should be very thankful. Date nights, massages, whatever kinky thing she likes... Make sure that you show her your appreciation by putting aside a lot of time for her.

Good luck though, I hope all goes well for you!

Absolutely agree

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I'm glad to hear you are making an effort to accept yourself... But if I might offer a few words of caution.

You say this is the end of your binge and purge cycle stuff but a lot of what you described in your post above sounded like binging. Remember to take it slow, don't have your wife come home from work one day to you in a messy diaper watching loud cartoons and making a mess with toys or whatever!

The second thing I wanted to say was to remember to respect your wife. It sounds simple and obvious but it's clear (at least the way your post is written) that she is most definitely not into it. Her letting you explore your baby side is great but don't push it and be a baby everyday or become obnoxious about it, remember she fell in love with adult you not baby you. Maybe one day she will start to join in a little or something but just remember that she may not be comfortable with it all.

Finally, remember to do lots of nice things for your wife. She is taking the diaper stuff much better than a lot of wife's might and you should be very thankful. Date nights, massages, whatever kinky thing she likes... Make sure that you show her your appreciation by putting aside a lot of time for her.

Good luck though, I hope all goes well for you!

Thank you. I'm not going to just start wearing whenever or anything. For the most part, I plan to keep it confined to my days off when she's not home. She married an adult, not a baby, and she deserves to be comfortable in her own home.

Right now, just having this out in the open and having her allow me to get diapers and a pacifier is more than enough. By exploring my baby side, even if it's just when she's not home, I'll be more comfortable in my own skin. I won't be chilling in a messy diaper while she's cross stitching in the bedroom, but accepting that I am also a baby will help in ways that aren't necessarily expressed by what I'm wearing or what's in my mouth. That confidence and comfort is what really counts.

I married an amazing woman in more ways than one. We've gone through so much to get where we are, and I intend to show her how much I appreciate this. 

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  • 1 month later...

Definitely agree with Elfy and Stroller. 

But nice, all in all. Kinda sorta envious that you were able to meet a normal girl, fall in love, get married, all that jazz. My whole life I've ran away from potential romances and have actively turned girls down before. Lot of them seemed shocked, maybe even appalled that I rejected them.....but it's for their own good. If they knew who/what I really am....they wouldn't understand it. It would make them uncomfortable, so I've always just kept my distance from romantic relationships. Being asexual doesn't help much either; I'm just not into sex or anything having to do with it; makes me feel gross. So yep....I'm just not cut out for normal relationships; I need a caregiver, not a spouse lol. I accept that and I'm gradually becoming "fine" with that. .....Just sometimes wish that I could do for women what men are supposed to do for them, but I just don't have the stomach for it lol. 

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Little Johnny 

You should never shy away from a relationship because of fear of the negative possibilities. You could miss the best thing in your life. What if she turned out to be the perfect caregiver for you; loving, doting, caring, and just swooning all over her little baby. A relationship based on sex is no relationship at all. She might not be anymore into sex than you are but enjoy the snuggles and loves that a baby needs just as much as you. You should not judge them without getting to know them anymore than you want to be judged yourself. Give yourself and them a chance.

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I hope you are able to find peace and happiness. Just a side note, I recently started listening to the hypnotic file called Accept on www. babypants.com and find it very useful and bring me a sense of peace. 

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On March 19, 2018 at 9:06 PM, hawkeyejones63 said:

I can't ignore the baby in me. I can't pretend I don't notice the Baby Department of Walmart calling to me like a siren to a sailor. I can't see babies at the mall and refuse to accept that on some deeper level, I feel a sense of kinship when they look at me. I'm a fully grown adult, but inside I'm also a baby.

Ha! This really struck a chord with me. Whenever I see a toddler out in public, I think to myself, "I actually have more in common with that child than I do with the parent." Good luck with your "coming out."

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for sharing your story I can relate to this in so many ways the wife/mommy I have now she lets me be the baby I truly am on the inside but it took time for her to understand and except me for the way I am now she says it turns her on but I too would buy lots of baby things and diapers and try to overcome my urges and tell myself it was time to grow up and I would throw all of my baby stuff away and my diapers as well I have come to the conclusion that this is who I am deep down inside and no matter how hard I try to be a adult it is who I am I am the baby trapped in an adult world when I wear my diapers it's almost like an escape from all my adult responsibilities brings me back to a more innocent time I don't wear 24/7 I wish I had the courage to just say I don't care what anyone thinks about me I'm going to be this way 24 hours a day 7 days a week love my ab/dl side and becoming more open about it everyday if people cannot accept me for the way I am then maybe I'm around the wrong kind of people because life is to short to worry about how anyone looks at us or feels about us this lifestyle is hurting no one at all it's all about being loved and cared for that kind of love only a mommy or daddy can give 

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  • 1 month later...

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