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Behind Closed Doors


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Wrote this during some free time over the last couple of days.  Ideally, I've got two more segments planned out, although time is an issue.  All comments welcome, be they positive or negative.  

 

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Josie was having a hard time wrapping her head around it.  Her best friend Sandra was acting too weird for comfort.  They had been friends since 9th grade, and although having attended different universities, they'd staid thick as thieves.  After finishing up with school, they both returned to their home town and eventually, after a couple of years spent establishing toe holds in the work-a day world, decided to share an apartment. 

Initially, things went great.  Sandra had always been the more outgoing of the two, and often prodded Josie to hit the bars on Friday nights as well as join her for the various parties and get-togethers with her wide collection of friends and acquaintances.  Having Sandra as her unofficial social director was great, plus it was a terrific way to meet eligible men.  But despite Sandra’s extroverted personality she often spent several nights a week behind her locked bedroom door, only coming out occasionally to raid the refrigerator and to share brief, seemingly reluctant conversations with her puzzled roommate.  Josie began to wonder if her friend might be suffering mood swings, or full on depression or some similar malady.  She didn’t know if she should even attempt to broach the subject, fearing that Sandra might become uncomfortable and accuse Josie of prying.

One Wednesday morning, about 4 months into their lease, Josie found herself alone in the apartment per usual, as she left for work later than her roommate.  Walking past Sandra’s bedroom, and using her friend’s odd behavior as an excuse, Joie did something she wouldn’t normally have done, and opened the always closed door.  The room was a mess with clothes spilling out of both the closet and dresser drawers.  Her bed was strewn with stuffed animals, cast-off pajamas and underwear, the nightstand covered with dirty plates and used drinking glasses.  Knowing that entering Sandra’s personal space was highly inappropriate, Josie decided that so long as she didn’t touch anything, what her roommate didn’t know, wouldn’t hurt her. 

The smell of stale pee, reminiscent of a neglected basement powder room, hit Sandra’s senses first.  What the hell is she doing in here? Sandra thought. Does she have medical problems?  She doesn’t seem sick.  Wait, maybe the smell isn’t pee, just the leftovers on the dirty dishes.  She decided that when she returned home from work that evening, she’d ask Sandra if she had any dishes in her room that might need cleaning.  Josie moved to the closet door, careful not to step on the discarded laundry that made it impossible for the sliding doors to close.  Peeking from under a thin layer of clothing were small glimpses of a spread out wool blanket covering a large mound on the floor.  Obviously, the blanket was meant to hide something from view, the only question being was it something secret, or just a coping mechanism in place to allow the owner to ignore the ever-growing mess.  Josie hesitated at first, but then decided to go for it, carefully moving the garments aside and gently lifting the side of the blanket facing her.  Oh, my god...

The two large packages of adult diapers certainly explained the smell.  Josie immediately felt bad for her friend who must surely have some sort of uncontrollable wetting issue.  A problem like that would make anyone feel depressed and engage in the solitary, secretive behavior that Sandra exhibited.  Having never actually seen a diaper fit for adults, Josie carefully extracted one from the torn open top of one of the packages.  With eyes widening, she took in the pink and white color, unfolding it, and stifled a laugh as she examined its balloon and teddy bear covered motif.  Why would Sandra have something so ridiculous looking?  Was this kind of adult diaper cheaper than other brands?  And was that why she had something so childish? Lifting both packages out of their hiding place, Josie learned the answer to those questions.  Several pairs of what looked like enormous granny panties were tucked back underneath the blanket.  Josie picked one up and unfolded the thin clear plastic-like material.  Both the waistband and leg bands were ringed with tight elastic and a couple of rows of pink lace decorated the seat.  A yellow covered, spiral bound yellow notebook was lodged in between the rest of the plastic pants.  Josie pulled it out and flipped through the college ruled pages. It was a bunch of handwritten lists, well not lists really, because each line was just the same thing, over and over. One page read, “Sandy has been a very naughty girl", another, “Little Sandy needs a spanking.”  Glancing down and seeing a zip lock sandwich bag containing two baby pacifiers next to the stack of jumbo sized panties ended Josie’s exploration, as she suddenly felt overwhelmed by her discovery.  She carefully put everything back in its place, arranging the camouflaged covering just as she’d found it and beat a hasty retreat.  Grabbing her purse and keys off the kitchen counter, Josie flew out the front door, skipping her morning coffee ritual and silently cursing herself for her own damn nosiness.

Over the next several days, Josie kept a close eye on her roommate, keeping her own behavior as unchanged as possible.  She also did some research, viewing the wide variety of adult baby pictures and stories available on line.  Josie was floored that Sandra was one of these people.  She decided that it was probably best to never mention what she’d seen, as it might mean the end of their friendship.  Besides, everybody had things of their own that they did in private which would be difficult to explain to other people, although usually not something as potentially humiliating as Sandra’s little hobby.  And that would have been it, as they say, but Josie suddenly found herself with a little too much downtime for her liking and idle thoughts can sometimes lead to, well… complications.   

A month had flown by since Josie’s discovery, when suddenly, without warning, she was visited by an old, always unwelcome companion, boredom, and she started to get strange ideas.  During down time at work or while out running errands, Josie started to wonder what Sandra looked like in her diapers.  While the online pictures of men in diapers had seemed more humorous than anything else, it was truly disconcerting how undeniably cute the adult women looked in their infantile finery, a fact which clashed deeply with Josie’s thoughtfully developed feminist beliefs.  Having absolutely no desire to wear diapers herself, and not planning to until she was too old and grey to care what the nursing home staff strapped her into, Josie was nonetheless intrigued by Sandra’s own apparent desire to give up her maturity, and sadly, it made her lose a little respect for her old friend.  But still, what must it be like for someone to fantasize about losing their adult independence and returning to little girlhood? And, wouldn’t such a woman innately do so if provided enough encouragement?  What exactly would it take?

Josie began spinning various scenarios in which she could arrange for both her and Sandra’s desires to become a reality.   Sandra’s birthday was in two weeks, so she decided to pounce.  Normally Josie wouldn’t have been so bold, but she’d recently received a promotion at work and the accompanying pay raise would allow her to get her own place if things turned sour with her current living situation.  Nevertheless, she hesitated, right up until a couple of days before the annual occasion. 

****

Sandra opened her eyes and stretched.  She looked over at the bedside clock.  It was 9:37 AM, Sunday, October 8th.  The newly minted 25-year-old smiled, today was her birthday.  She’d spent the evening before with her family, going out for an overpriced meal and receiving several presents.  She was especially grateful this year for the customary, large gift of cash from her parents.  She’d been shopping online a little too much lately, and she needed to get her finances back on track.   She’d gone out Friday night with several of her friends and gotten a little tipsy, but wasn’t hungover enough the next day to ruin dinner with the family.  Today she was just gonna relax and go out to lunch with her roommate.  The only thing that would have made this a better birthday was if she didn’t have to go back to work the next day, but alas, High School English wasn’t going to teach itself, now was it?

She padded out into the kitchen in just her pajamas, and helped herself to a cup of the fresh coffee Josie had already made, nodding at her friend.  “Hey.”

Josie smiled, looking up at the tallish brunette from her cereal bowl.  “Hey.  How’d it go last night?”

“Good, but my little brothers are as annoying as ever.  Looks like you’ve been up a while.”  Sandra said, referencing Josie’s state of dress.

Her blond, 5’4” roommate was already dressed for the autumn weather.  Her curvy figure was clad in an elegant looking grey sweater and dark blue form fitting jeans tucked into knee-high brown leather boots.  “Yeah, I went to sleep early last night.”

The two friends sat at their small dining nook table, talking for a few more minutes about Sandra’s family party and where they might go have lunch.  Eventually Sandra stood up, excusing herself to take a shower and get ready to go out.

“Sandy, before you get cleaned up, how about you open your presents first?”

Sandra smiled. “Presents?  You didn’t need to get me more than one”

“Oh, you know me, I always over do it.”

Sandra followed Josie into the living room and took a seat on the couch while Josie ventured on into her bedroom, returning with two similar sized festively wrapped, rectangular packages.  Josie pulled an armchair across the room and placed it on the other side of the brown coffee table, sitting down to face Sandra.  She handed her friend the first box.

Tearing off the decorative paper, Sandra squealed with delight, as she always did in these situations.  The grown woman had never lost her juvenile love of all things plush, and extracted the teddy bear from the clear plastic box and clutched it to her chest.  “I don’t have a pink bear yet, this is perfect.  Thanks Josie.”

The two women stood up and hugged across the table.  “I’m glad you like it, honey.”

After they sat back down, Josie handed the second box to her friend. Well, here goes, Josie thought.  She’d been nervous all morning and had gone back and forth several times, her courage wavering.  But here they were, too late now.

After stripping away the wrapping, Sandra’s eyes widened in surprise.  Packaged just like her new pink teddy had been was a baby girl doll complete with little brown pigtails and a white onesie.  According to the writing on the box, “LITTLE CATHY” drank from a bottle and wet her pants, “JUST LIKE A REAL BABY”.  Driving this capability home, a miniature bottle and several doll sized diapers were mounted next to Cathy inside the box.  Lifting the box off her lap, Sandra finally noticed the pink folded cloth underneath.  Putting the doll box aside she lifted the thin, light pink t-shirt off what was left of the shredded paper and saw that something was written on the front.  Holding the shirt up with two hands, she read the words “LITTLE SANDY” spelled out in grey lettering.  Sandra’s mouth opened, but she didn’t say a thing. 

“I hope it’s the right size.  We can’t really take it back if it’s not.”  Josie had spent several days working on her opening line, and that was the best she could come up with.  Damn, she felt nervous.

“Wha… I don…  Why, wou-” Sandra stammered.

Josie gently cut her off.  “Oh sweetie, we both know why.  And it’s okay.  I think it’s really cute.”

Sandra looked at her friend with genuine fear in her eyes. “W- What’s cute?”

Seeing her friend’s reaction, Josie suddenly felt awful.  Not knowing what else to say, she met Sandra’s eyes with a none to confident reply.  “Your baby side.”

Again, Sandra sputtered in response.  “I d… How…  Bu..”

Despite the extreme awkwardness and her conflicting emotions, Josie couldn’t help but smirk.  She even sounds like a baby, she thought.  Maybe this isn’t going to be too bad after all. 

“Honey, I just want to encourage you, and let you know you don’t have to hide in your room anymore.  I’m here for you and I want to help you.”

During the long, thought out preparation for this scene, Josie had decided to always use positive language and to keep things moving in a forward direction.  The message she wanted to convey was - I support you, and here’s what you’re going to do. 

Sandra just stared at the carpeted floor.  The silence grew.  Josie didn’t want to lose the momentum and decided to go for it.

“Why don’t you go try it on, little Sandy.” Josie said, keeping her tone flat and smiling at her flustered friend. 

With a look of horror, Sandra bolted off the couch and strode briskly toward her bedroom, still clutching the little pink T-shirt in her fist.  Caught off guard, Josie scurried after her, only to have the bedroom door close in her face. 

Josie could hear Sandra rummaging through her things, and after a few minutes the door flew open and Sandra stalked past her.  She’d exchanged her PJs for a thick hooded sweatshirt, yoga pants and running shoes and was heading toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Josie plaintively called after her.

“Out,” snapped Sandra.

“But what about lunch?”

“Oh, just quit… Just leave me alone.” Sandra fumed petulantly as she stormed out of the apartment.

Shaken by Sandra’s reaction, Josie cringed with self-revulsion over what she’d done.  “Sandy, please don’t’ go.  Just sit down for a minute.” She yelled out. 

Josie grabbed her bag from her own room and rushed after her friend.  Eyeballing Sandra’s unoccupied car in its parking space, she scanned the rest of the lot.  Seeing Sandra turning the far corner of the parking lot on foot, Josie guessed where she was going and followed from a distance. 

Fortunately, the line at the coffee shop wasn’t too long for a Sunday Morning, and Sandra was already in the middle of it when Josie walked through the door.  Josie decided to impose. “Sandy, please get me my usual, I’ll be outside.” She called across the room. 

Sandra looked back over her shoulder, the look of misery on her pretty face hardening into a frown.   Without saying anything, she turned back and faced the counter.  Josie headed back outside, knowing that her friend was too kind not to grab her a latte, regardless of their current kerfuffle. 

The Autumn morning was cool but not unpleasant and Josie had her pick of the several available outdoor tables. Sandra eventually exited the building, two fisting a couple of hot paper cups.  She set Josie’s latte in front of her friend and sat down before taking a sip of her usual whip cream covered, caramel flavored favorite, the kind of sickeningly sweet coffee drink that only teenagers, and apparently some adult women, would ever order more than once in their lifetime.  Josie thanked her, relieved to find that Sandra seemed to have calmed down a bit.

“You owe me $2.74.”  Sandra said wearily.

“Okay… Uh, I’m sorry if I upset you, that isn’t what I wanted to happen.”

“Well, what did you want?” Sandra asked.

“To help you.”

“Help me how?”

Josie smiled at her friend.  “To help you be yourself.  You can wear whatever you want around the apartment, I don’t care.”

Sandra sighed deeply.  “I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation.  How did you find out anyway?  No one was supposed to know.”

Dodging the question, but seizing the opening, Jose reached her hand across the table and clasped Sandra’s arm.  “That’s my point, don’t you want someone else to know?  To share your true feelings with someone, not just play pretend all the time.”

Sandra sipped her drink slowly, not responding

Josie plucked at the heavy cotton sweatshirt material covering Sandra’s arm with her fingers.  “Did you put on your present?”

Sandra’s placid expression turned into a scowl.

“Sorry, sorry, too soon, right?  In retrospect, perhaps not the best thing to say under the circumstances.” Josie said, turning her head slightly and shrugging her shoulders in the exaggerated, apologetic manner that never failed to get a giggle out of Sandra.

Sandra smiled, despite herself.  “So, is that how it’s going to be from now on?  You making fun of me?”

“No, not all the time.  I might tease you a little, but I think you might kind of like it sometimes, even though you won’t admit it right now”

Sandra’s eyes widened in shocked recognition, her smile vanishing and her manner becoming tense. “So, how did you find out?”

Josie took a deep breath, which turned into an awkward, small coughing fit.  “I’ve been really worried about you, you seemed so down, and you wouldn’t talk to me.  And the hallway started to smell like…”  Suddenly remembering where they were, Josie nervously glanced around to see if anyone was in eavesdropping range.

“You went in my room, didn’t you?  Without asking first.  How could you?”  Sandra accused, her voice rising.

Josie pleaded with her friend to somehow understand her motives. “Yes, but only because of the pee smell and because I care about you and thought you might be sick or something.  If I’d asked, you wouldn’t have let me.  What was I supposed to do?”

Sandra acknowledged to herself, that yes, it was true, she wouldn’t have let her. “Then you saw the diapers?”  There, she’d finally said it.

“Yeah, and the pacifiers and stuff.”

Sandra winced.  “What stuff?” She demanded, glaring at her housemate with mistrust. 

Josie looked down at the table “Um, you know… the plastic underwear thingies and the, uh… notebook…” She mumbled, her voice trailing off.

Oh god, not the notebook, Sandra thought.  She gasped and covered her mouth in mortification, now realizing for the first time that her oldest friend had read the imaginary punishment lines that fueled her favorite fantasies.  Sandra started to cry.  “Please don’t tell anyone about this.” She whimpered pitifully. 

Josie leaned across the table, pleading once again with her friend, as her own eyes began to water.  “Sandy, listen to me, I’m not going to let you feel bad about yourself.  I love you.  I’m not judging you.  I only want what’s best for you.  Let’s go home, I think you need to relax for a while.  Everything’s going to be okay.”

When Sandra didn’t acknowledge her, Josie stood up.  She tossed her empty cup into the nearby waste receptacle and moved to Sandra’s side of the table.  She reached down and put her hand under the other woman’s arm and gently lifted.  “C’mon sweetie, we’re going home now.” Picking up Sandra’s half-filled cup with her free hand, Josie led the taller woman down the sidewalk.

Entering the apartment, Sandra headed to her room and Josie followed.  Surprised by the intrusion, Sandra sat down on her bed.

“How are you feeling?”  Josie asked.

“I’m really tired, I think I kind of want to be alone right now.” Sandra said, looking up at her friend.

Josie smiled and ran her hand through Sandra’s hair.  “Yeah.  I think you should take a little nap, get yourself sorted out”

Sandra nodded.

They both looked at each other, neither moving. 

“Take your shoes off.” Josie finally said.

Sandra kicked her shoes off and lay back on the bed.  She turned toward the wall, lying on her side and bending her legs at the knee.

Josie sighed, picking up the discarded shoes and placing them over by the closet.  This girl really needs to clean her room up, this is getting ridiculous, Josie thought as she crossed the room and turned off the light.

Sandra looked back over her shoulder at Josie.  “Could you close the door, please?”

Josie smiled down at the woman.  “No, I think for the time being, the door needs to stay open.  I’m worried about you”

Too dazed by the day’s events to object, Sandra lay her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes. 

About an hour later, Sandra entered the living room/kitchen area yawning and still wearing the exercise clothes she’d slept in.  Josie sat at the dinner table typing on her laptop, finishing up a report for work.  She looked up and smiled.  “How’d you sleep?

“Erm, fine, I guess.”  Sandra said, stretching her arms above her head.  She sat down across from Josie. 

“How do you feel about our little talk?

“I don’t know.” Sandra replied weakly.

Ever the showman, Josie tried to lighten the mood.  “Well, I still have to give you your last birthday present”.  She said in an exaggeratedly festive manner.

Sandra looked at her apprehensively.  “What is it?”

“Well actually, it’s a two parter.  First, because we didn’t make it out to lunch, I am going to cook the birthday girl her favorite dinner, spaghetti.”

Sandra visibly brightened at the news. 

Encouraged, Josie continued. “And you, my dear, get to wear one of your diapers in front of another person for the rest of the day, with nothing over it, just like you always wanted to”

Sandra’s manner morphed back into that of a frightened kitten. “I… I don’t think I should.”

Josie sighed and shook her head.  “Oh Sandy, it’s your birthday.  This is something you need, just let yourself be happy and enjoy the moment.

“But I’m scared.”

“Don’t you mean, I’m scaawed.” Josie lisped, sticking her bottom lip out at Sandra.

Sandra rolled her eyes.  “Again with the teasing?  Really?” 

Josie giggled. “Darling, you’re not allowed to be scaawed, sorry, I mean scared, anymore.  It’s time to accept things for what they are and for what you are.  Let’s make this the bestest birthday ever.”

“W-What would we do?”

“Nothing special, just eat dinner and watch a movie.  Now shoo and don’t come back until you’ve changed.”

Twenty minutes later, Sandra shyly shuffled back into the room, the large, grey sweatshirt proudly displaying her alma matter that she was wearing almost completely covering the fluffy white and pink diaper on her hips.

Josie turned from where she was standing in the kitchen and shook her head.  “No Sandy, not like that, go put your new shirt on.  I already took off the tags and washed it before I gave it to you.  Your diaper needs to be out in the open, so I can see it.”

Sandra just stood staring at her, a look of protest on her face. “But, I… “

“No buts. Go.” Josie interrupted, pointing back down the hallway.

“Fine, Miss Bossy.”  Sandra threw up her hands in complaint, but did as she was told. 

The cute t-shirt proved a perfect fit.  The bottom hem just met the top of Sandra’s crinkly padded underwear.  The bashful woman kept trying to pull the shirt down further as she once again stood before her exacting chum and waited on her approval, but the pink cotton material wouldn’t budge. 

Josie was in the kitchen mixing the ingredients of her garden salad.  “Oh Sweetie, you look adorable,” she gushed, silently elated at the progress she’d made with the malleable little squirt.  She had essentially put her roommate in a diaper and taken away her right to wear pants for the night, just because she'd said so.  Not bad for one day.  If I can do this, I can do anything, she thought.

Sandra glowed with giggly glee, this was proving an incredible experience for her.  “Do you really like it?”

“Yes, Baby, I do.  Now come over here and give me a hand, diaper girl.”

Sandra’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment and attempting to regain at least a little of her lost footing, albeit in a light-hearted manner, she put her hands on her hips in mock outrage.  “Josie not play nice, you big meanie. No more making fun.” She accused in her angry, practiced, infantile voice, which up until this moment had been restricted exclusively to solo playtime.

Josie laughed with astonished delight. “Okay, okay. Just set the table, Cassandra. No teasing, I promise.”

Surprised and pleased by the use of her real first name, Sandra grabbed the necessary plates and silverware.  To an outsider it might have looked like a little girl trying to make her Mommy proud, but Sandra didn’t recognize the parallel, not consciously anyway.  Although, if she really thought about it, her real mother was the only one who ever called her Cassandra, and only then just on occasion.  To most family members and friends, she was always just Sandy, to professional colleagues, Sandra. 

The pair spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other’s company, as if nothing were out of the ordinary.  The yummy dinner gave way to re-watching a favorite tear jerker, followed by mutual admonitions that they’d better get to bed before it got to late.  As they took turns brushing their teeth in the shared bathroom, Sandra became self-conscience of her diapered state as she viewed herself and her fully clothed companion side by side in the vanity mirror.  The last one to finish the nightly ritual, Sandra wasn’t too surprised to find Josie waiting for her in her bedroom. 

“It’s time for bed little Sandy.” Josie pulled back the comforter, smiling as her new diaper baby dutifully climbed under the covers.   

“Thanks for everything.  Good night, Josie.” Sandra said, looking up at her best friend.

“Happy Birthday, baby.  Good night.” Josie said, reaching down to tickle the giggling woman’s chin.  She crossed the room and turned off the light, leaving the door open as she left the room.

Sandra stared up at the ceiling and waited.  Finally hearing Josie’s bedroom door close, Sandra did something she usually only did on nights when she couldn’t fall asleep.  She rolled onto her side, nestling her cheek on the pillow and brought a hand to her mouth.  As the diaper clad woman began sucking her thumb with groggy dedication, the faint rhythmic noise soothed her to sleep.  It had been a long day and Sandra was all tuckered out. 

****

Josie’s alarm went off at 7:30 AM and she hit the snooze button, but upon further consideration of the day ahead, she reached up and shut the damn thing off.  Stumbling out of her room, she made the daily pilgrimage to the magic coffee machine, only absent mindedly noticing that Sandra’s bedroom door was half way open.  A few minutes later while praising the invention of electric timers as she took the first sip, Josie suddenly became energized by remembrance of the previous day’s events.  She hurried back towards the bedrooms and peered inside Sandy’s room.  The woman was gone of course, perhaps already sitting at her desk in the front of classroom 201, ready to dole out the daily literature assignments to the next generation.  What a trooper.

Josie frowned.  While pleased that she now had unfettered access to Sandra’s domain, she was still appalled by the clutter within.  At that moment the only thing equaling the affection she felt for her bestie, was the desire to crack the whip and make little Miss Messy Pants clean up her room.  My work is never done, thought Josie with a sly smile, as she traipsed back toward the kitchen. 

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I really liked this. I think I would have wanted to strangle my roommate for violating my privacy like that. I do think I can understand her reason for doing so out of her concern for me but at the same time. I would have expected her to come to me with those concerns rather than sneaking into my room. I get a feeling this could be a one and done story, which is okay but I sure wouldn’t mind reading more about their lives either. 

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