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Velvet - A Calibeen Story (Complete!)


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*nonchalantly rubs my head where you bopped me.*

You honor me beyond words, M'Lady. I promise I won't let you down! If it be your bidding, I shall face sword, dragon fire, or dirty diapers. :D  Your wish is my command. *kisses the royal ring on your finger.*

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On 4/2/2018 at 1:51 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

12.) Her Side of the Bargain

Mornings were Training. Hypnosis took place after lunches at his phase in development, under the influence of the giggly milk. He didn't like yesterday’s training, and he was going to like today’s even less. "This program works very simply. I'm going to show you a card with a picture on it, and you're going to name the picture, and spell the word." As the week went on, a repeat of this training exercise would omit the spelling. He looked annoyed, indignant, and frowned. I honestly thought he would have understood why we did this — to dull the brain.

I was so bored. We'd gone through like fifty cards, and they weren't repeating themselves. "Table. T. A. B. L. E." Oh my God. Christ. Holy fuck. "Lemon. L. E. M. O. N." I rubbed my eyes behind my glasses. "Boring. B. O. R. I. N. G." "It's a slide, Velvet." "I know what it is." I sighed and spelled slide.

It was amazing to me, that with the boy’s brilliance, he overlooked the less glamorous and interesting elements of our regimes here. It left him weak to them, and vulnerable, and I couldn't help but think about the adage about the most intelligent people being the stupidest. There was so little adult level stimuli here. So little of interest to a knowledgeable mind. And training exercises like this reinforced that, and helped the psyche wind down to suit the new landscape.

 

i can actually personally confirm that using boredom to break a highly intelligent and self aware subject would be highly effective. if i hadn't checked myself out after the first day at meridian i probably would have been journaling and doing math exercises on napkins just to get any kind of stimulation.

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13 hours ago, YourFNF said:

i can actually personally confirm that using boredom to break a highly intelligent and self aware subject would be highly effective. if i hadn't checked myself out after the first day at meridian i probably would have been journaling and doing math exercises on napkins just to get any kind of stimulation.

You will definitely see more of this. ^_^ 

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14.) Her Decision

As the night before, dinner presented was two bottles for the boy, a white creamy one and a chocolate one. He stared at them with the sort of dread one only gets when going to the dentist, and the girls around him didn't seem to take too much notice of his forlorn nature. None of them but Ayla. "You get to move up to real food just as soon as they know you're ready for change, Velvet. Are you excited for it? To be like us?"

"Sure," I muttered, though no part of me did. I put my head on the table and looked at the bottles. They sat in front of me, glistening. Identical, except not. One chocolate. I should just drink them. But memories of last night... they whirled overhead, like a raincloud. Pouring. I felt sick...

"I know it's daunting, and you feel like you're betraying who you are... but who you were got you into this mess in the first place. I like to think about it like... that boy was the one who basically will be spending his whole life in prison, now. Only the prison is the mind of a new girl who might have potential to be a good person." Ayla was so many leagues above the others here, but she was also the closest to graduating. Soon, she would be given surgery on the states coin as per her desire, and placed in a new life.

Prison in the mind of a new girl. I didn't do anything wrong. I killed twelve people, but they killed one. Each of them. They put a hand on a pen on a paper on a desk on a switch on a lever of a life of somebody special and innocent. I didn't care how special and innocent they were. They each had one stain. "I'm not drinking it." I got up from the table and walked back to my room.

Rather than stay at the table, rather than stay safe and not risk her own punishments, Ayla got up from the table and chased after the boy, meeting him in the bedroom. "Please come back to the table, please? If you don't, you'll get punished, and punishment sucks, doesn't it?" She was soft, soft in the way few boys could ever hope to be, and she shared that softness by holding his hand.

She held my hand over the threshold of my room. She was so much bigger than me. I tried to tug it away, but she held it tight. She wouldn't come in my room. Was she not allowed? "...I don't care. I don't. Let them punish me." I could handle the electrocutions. Put myself in a trance, maybe. I was caught off guard last time... "I'm not drinking it. I'm not."

"You're going to drink it, if you do it on your own, or if they restrain you and force you to. And if they decide forcing you to is better, you won't get meal times. You'll be trickle fed, like Kinata was. She tried to kill herself, so for three months she was trickled and restrained and I bet if she could speak at all, she'd tell you that she didn't treasure the experience." Ayla had seen a lot, and had been here a long time. She knew the rules, she knew how to play the game, she knew how to get out of here and live a life.

My chest was hurting. I wanted to work on Annie tonight. I wanted to show Colette I was useful so this didn't happen again. I needed time to think and that bottle made sure I didn't. I shook my head, once, twice, before Ayla pulled me back out of the room. We stood together on her side of the doorway and I tried taking my hand back. "I don't want to!"

Her arms wrapped around the boy, the softness changing from a simple hand hold to her entire body, and she rubbed his back, and up his neck, and spoke softly. "Nobody ever does, Velvet. And you can fight it, or you can ride it, just like a wave. Do you want to drown? Or surf? You gotta figure that one out. The more you go along with it, the more of you you can choose to keep."

My head fell into her shoulder and I moved my arms up to hug her. But I didn't. I let them fall back at my sides. My chest was hurting. I didn't want the bottles. I couldn't do it again. I was trying to stay strong, to show Colette she couldn't get to me, but whatever was in those bottles... I just needed time to think to myself. I needed time, and they weren't giving me any...

"It gets easier, Velvet, I promise. How about you come sit back at the table with us? If you still decide not to drink your milk, at least you won't get punished as badly for not being at the table." Having been there as long as she had been, Ayla knew quite a bit about the punishment hierarchy and how they were carried out and ranked.

I hesitated. But she was right. No use getting a worse punishment for no reason. I let her take my hand and walk me back to the table like a child. She sat me down and asked somebody to move. She sat next to me, across from Lemon. I just stared at the bottles, feeling sick, and slouching back in my chair.

"I won't make you drink them, because I know it can make you feel... detached, at first. But I kind of grew to consider the bottles being like... when you get drunk?" Not that Ayla really remembered being drunk. "You're still you, you're just... under the influence of something else for a little while, that's all."

"I know how drugs work," I said flatly. I actually sounded a little annoyed. I didn't mean to. I was just anxious. I slouched further in the seat and closed my eyes. I was going to be sick. It wasn't like alcohol. It was like a temporary lobotomy. It didn't turn me into a me under the influence of something. It turned me into somebody else.  I knew a lot about drugs. More than most people. But I never knew anything that worked like this....

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Some of us were into drugs, and some of us weren't, and it's better not to assume anything in a place like this." A couple of the girls gave nods in agreement, though Annie seemed completely oblivious to it all. "What are you in here for, anyway? We're discouraged from talking about it, but it's not banned, and telling someone might help you feel more centered?"

"I killed somebody," I said, turning my attention away from the bottles. Honestly, a change of topic meant more than anything. Even if it was about my past. I wasn't ashamed of it. I wasn't proud either, though. I did what needed doing. "A couple people, actually."

"I developed a new type of date-rape drug that was undetectable by over the counter means, and dissolved immediately and had no taste at all." Ayla nodded her head, slowly, looking at the milk with a guilty frown. "It's actually what they based the milk on, my work, Ironic, right? It used to be different, it used to be a sedative, mixed with an amphetamine and something else. Amateur stuff."

I bit my cheek and looked down at the milk. It seemed to move on its own, even when it didn't. Swirling. Hypnotic, in its own way. I closed my eyes. My work was being used here, too. Not in the same way - but my profession. To turn grown men into children. Into girls. It was brilliant and I was jealous... if I wasn't on this side of the padded walls, it would be the experiment of a lifetime.

"I think that they're doing good work here, though, I do. I was... a very bad person, Velvet. I thought only about if I could do something and never about if I should be doing it. I guess I got given perspective. Like, you know when you play a game and you make character building choices and you get to a spot and you realize how much you just wish you could start over? That's what this is. A chance to start over, with the lessons learned about our past." Ayla was often the philosophical one, and would be going willingly into a paid life of promotion for the virtues of this project.

"Well, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to start over." "You killed somebody," Bree said. "More than one," Lemon said. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. "They deserved it. I'm not going to reoffend." I had no more brothers left to avenge. The light above our head blinked. My color. Most everyone else was done eating. I shivered.

"Do you think they had families?" Bree asked, thoughtfully, not accusingly. "Maybe their families didn't think they deserved it, Velvet?" Charity added, and Lemon nodded with her two pieces next. "Their husbands or wives or children, or brothers and sisters or parents, even. What about all that sadness, do they deserve that?"

I slammed my hands down on the table, just trying to shut everyone up. One of the bottles toppled over and rolled onto the floor. The chocolate one. My head was pounding. Everything was quiet for a minute. Everything. Completely still. I could have walked to the bedroom, away from them, but I didn't. I sat back down in my chair, and nobody said anything.

Kinana stood up, carefully, quietly, deliberately, and picked up the bottle off the ground. Wordless as always, she placed it back on the table in front of Velvet, and then frowned, pointing at the two bottles. And for a small asian girl who couldn't talk, she sure know how to convey a lot of seriousness in a very short timespan.

A tone above us. My tone. Most of the girls left the table. Annie watched nervously, but Lemon pulled her way. Kinana and Ayla and I stayed in our seats. The bottles stayed where they were. I didn't talk. They didn't talk. I wasn't doing this. I wasn't...

"If there's a bottle between your lips when the orderlies come, they won't punish you. They'll allow you to finish your bottles, and then you can have a peaceful night. We can watch TV together, or I can paint your nails. Would you like that, Velvet? Pretty nails?" Kinata held up her hands to show off her nails that Ayla had done, but she didn't smile. Kinata never smiled.

"I'm not thirsty." Three words that meant something very different. I waited for something to happen. For the orderlies to come through the door. For Ayla to yell at me. Everything was so still, so suspenseful. But I wouldn't drink the bottle. Because... because honestly, I just couldn't handle it.

At the far end of the room, by the checkpoint, emerged two orderlies. Given orders, not to punish, but to ensure the boy drank his milk. They approached the table, and the one of the left of darker complexion spoke clearly. "Velvet Duke. Drink your milk." It was a sort of last effort warning, before what was going to follow happened. Before he was strapped to his own bed and fed against his will.

I shook my head. The two girls beside me sighed and got up from the table. Nothing they could do. I wasn't going to drink it. They could give me a level 80 punishment for all I cared. The milk was worse than anything they could throw at me...

As before, as always, both orderlies lifted the boy, one side each, and they moved him. Not to the checkpoint, though, to where the punishments would be conducted. But to his bedroom, much to his confusion. When he was taken inside, he was placed on the bed, pinned legs and wrists with restraints that came from compartments in the posts, and secured in place. One orderly left to retrieved the bottles.
"W-wait! Hey! Stop, hold on! Please!" I tugged at the restraints. I tugged at the bindings on my wrists, on my ankles. The beds weren't very big but I wasn't very big either. One of the walls was brought up, closing me in. One left, the one where the orderly stood. My chest was hurting. I didn't want to be trapped in here... I didn't... "STOP STOP PLEASE!"

"You are being spared punishment for your indiscretion, Velvet. You should be thankful for the mercy." When the orderly returned with the bottles, he had something else in his hand — it looked look a leather strap, with a tube going through a mouthpiece, and in the inside, the closest resemblance was to a pacifier. One orderly held the boy, while the other fitted the strap into place around his head, pushing the soft mouthpiece between his lips, forcing his tongue down so he couldn't block it, and then strapped it into place. It was very clear the intent of this apparatus.

I kicked my feet and screamed through the gag. I screamed and screamed but words didn't make sense. And then the milk flowed through. I tried to plug the hole with my tongue, but there were so many holes. It dribbled out of the corners of my mouth and thrashed around on the bed. It seeped down my throat, into my stomach, and I kept kicking and screaming.

The bottles were suspended from the post of the bed, upside down, both feeding into the same tube but mercifully the flow was was steady, and not trickling for hours the way it could have been. This wasn't intended as punishment, this was just a required step to ensure the boy had his milk. "Your disobedience will be reported to Doctor Clement upon her arrival to work in the morning."

I kicked my feet and screamed while the lights turned off. The door close and I was left alone, drinking the bottle, the only light the one above me, dim and glowing. And I cried. I really cried. I felt so pathetic. And I couldn't help myself. This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to be...
 

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Ayla's pretty good. I imagine I'd probably end up like her if I was in the program. That is, IF I ever had reason to be there (which I don't!) And IF I didn't find some way to kill myself before they could break me, which isn't likely give Kinata tried that.

Huh. Sorry that turned a bit dark near the end. :unsure: On the bright side I didn’t find any typos! :D

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28 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Ayla's pretty good. I imagine I'd probably end up like her if I was in the program. That is, IF I ever had reason to be there (which I don't!) And IF I didn't find some way to kill myself before they could break me, which isn't likely give Kinata tried that.

Huh. Sorry that turned a bit dark near the end. :unsure: On the bright side I didn’t find any typos! :D

i mean i've thought the same thing many times. the simplest would be to break one of the mirrors cut the femoral and carotid, or you could take out a couple orderlies and butch/sundance it.

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47 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

i mean i've thought the same thing many times. the simplest would be to break one of the mirrors cut the femoral and carotid, or you could take out a couple orderlies and butch/sundance it.

Already thought about that. ^_^  Sorry, but the mirrors won't break!  They are more of a shined plexy-plastic anyway.

But I know where you're coming from.  Death of identity is a huge fear of mine, which is probably why I write about it. :blush:

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6 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Already thought about that. ^_^  Sorry, but the mirrors won't break!  They are more of a shined plexy-plastic anyway.

But I know where you're coming from.  Death of identity is a huge fear of mine, which is probably why I write about it. :blush:

so that leaves Bolivian army ending then

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15.) Her Morning After

"Oh dear..." I stood above the bed the next morning, shaking my head softly. "I thought we agreed that you were going to have your evening meal, Velvet? You're very lucky that I left instructions for if you didn't, or you would have had punishment, and then this as well." I reached down to the strap around the boy’s head and unbuckled it, pulling the feeding gag from his mouth.

It wasn't like the first night. It wasn't at all... it was dark and lonely and all the weaknesses and slobbering left messes on the bed. And my diaper wasn't changed, so I was sure it leaked on the mattress. Everything was dark and I couldn't stop crying. And when I finally fell asleep, it was fitful. The tightness of the crib was traumatizing, and the restraints made it worse. And in the morning, when Colette undid the pacifier from my mouth, my lips were trembling...

Honestly, I was disappointed. I expected more of the boy, but then again, perhaps he really was just like the rest of the inmates here. Maybe he wasn't special at all. I leaned down and unfastened the restraints, his legs first, and then his wrists, and lowered the long side of the crib so I could sit next to him. He'd made sure that his diaper has leaked through, and a good portion of the sheets were wet. "Come here, give me a hug."

I kicked her. I kicked her hard. It threw her out of the bed and I climbed on top of her, hitting her over and over. Tears rained down from my cheeks. This wasn't an act. I wasn't angry. I was scared. I kept hitting her again and again, crying. "YOU LET THEM HURT ME! YOU HURT ME! YOU LEFT ME THERE!" The milk was not good for me. It messed with time. When all you want is to play and cuddle and feel love and instead you feel nothing.......... I finally stopped. Stopped before the orderlies busted in the room. And I sat on her stomach, holding my head in my hands.

How interesting, how... very interesting. I shouldn't have thought about it so clinically, but I'd never seen him this way. His blows were shocks, but not that painful, and by the time he wore himself out, he was barely impacting me at all. He sat on my stomach, his accusations rich in the air, and I reached a hand up and touched the boy’s cheek, slipping under his hand. Gently. "I'm sorry." I mean, it was his fault. He chose not to have his milk, he chose to do what he did. But what he needed to hear right now was that I cared about him, so I told him that. I apologized.

I let her put her hands on my cheeks. Two orderlies were in the door, looking nervous. They waited for Colette's orders. They waited even though I was on top of her, even though I had proved to be dangerous. They waited because they trusted her. I let her play with my hair. And like a child, I fell on her and cried. I cried so hard.

With my other hand, I let the orderlies know to wait outside — but they wouldn't leave past that point. They'd give us privacy, but they wouldn't chance another attack. The milk was long out of the boy’s system, and the back of his dress was damp and clammy, but I'd handled worse here. I wrapped my arms around him, held him close, and let him cry while fingers found his hair. He didn't know how lucky he was, that punishment was much worse than this, and then this on top anyway. He didn't realize the magnitude of the power exchange here — he had to have his milk. It was inevitable. "I hope the orderlies were gentle with you, my fragile little flower."

I shook my head, burying it into Colette's shoulder. This was pathetic. I knew it was pathetic. But I felt so alone. I felt so alone in there, and now I wasn't, and I was just really happy about that. She played with my hair until my crying slowed, until it stopped. Until I was feeling more like myself…

There were things I should have been doing, things other than having a pee-soaked little doll laying on top of me, soaking my top with tears. But every patient was different, every case was unique, and I dealt with them accordingly. Eventually, his tears stopped, but he didn't get up. Breakfast would be very soon, and I hoped he wouldn't put up a struggle. "I want to be your friend here, Velvet. I like you very much, and I think we can be. But you have to be a good girl with your routine, too, can you do that for me?"

I nodded quietly. I felt so sick. I felt dizzy to such an extreme. I hadn't slept well. I just wanted to go back to sleep... "No more," I pleaded. "No more like that... just one bottle please... just one..." It was a leap. A concession from zero bottles to one. As long as I could just have one at a time, I didn't care... I didn't care...

"If you have every bottle at your proper mealtimes, you can skip one of your evening bottles." It was the same deal we already made — one bottle would be substituted. In this state though, in this fractured moment, he was much more open to seeing the potential benefits of my offer. It wasn't as though I wanted him to be four-pointed and fed that way, left restrained all night. He'd made that choice, though.

"...okay..." Okay, I'd go along with it. For now. But Annie... I sighed and climbed off Colette, sitting on the ground in the wet diaper. The dress was the same as yesterday, faded green marker along the white parts. It had run with the wetness of my tears and sweat and piss. I felt so pathetic...

"I'm going to show you to the showers — a lady orderly will get you clean, and then you'll be back in time for breakfast, squeaky clean and lovely. How does that sound, Velvet?" The showers were opposite the punishment room, and usually showering would be done with all the girls at once. This was a privilege.

"...okay..." She helped me up and out of the room. Annie watched. Everyone watched. They'd all heard the crying. They'd heard the screaming and my hitting her. A crowd gathered, but they all dispersed when the orderlies came out. Now they watched me as I was led to the showers, in the alcove, just across from the bathroom I'd gone into.
"Please get her cleaned up, and dressed appropriately in something for morning time." The orderly nodded her head — she was cute, and not particularly large, but if she were working as an orderly in a place like this, she probably knew more than enough to hold her own. She watched the doctor leave, and then lifted the dress over the boy’s head, dropping it in the chute on the wall. "How do you like your showers?" Most of the orderlies didn't make conversation, let alone care about comfort.

"...um..." I shuffled my feet on the tile. The room was big. Obviously for group showers. I couldn't imagine seeing those girls naked, with boy parts. They were too pretty. Then again, I bet I was pretty too. I never did well at being masculine.. "Medium, I guess..." The morning had been so terrifying. I just needed to relax...

The orderly turned the faucets on, bringing in water that was warm, and then lovely, and turned to the boy, untaping the diaper quickly and pulling it from between his legs. He was naked now, but she didn't linger on the fact, she didn't stare, she didn't do anything to make the boy feel uncomfortable — she just motioned to the stream of water. "You'll have a few minutes to enjoy the warmth, and then I have to clean you per the guidelines. I'll try to be gentle."

Oh. My. God. I forgot how much I loved showers. I forgot how it felt to be clean, not covered in pissy diapers and water based paint. My hair ran dark under the water, turning its usual red to a sickly auburn. It was so relaxing. Such an amazing moment to think... to plan for Annie. To plan for Colette. To feel better about last night.

It was a precious few moments, precious moments the orderly gave the boy privacy, and turned her back despite the rules. But precious few, and precious fleeting, and soon she approached the boy with the wash-cloth and a rubber apron over her clothes, and began to wipe down areas of his skin, systematically. "Spread your legs please, and put your arms out to the side."

"...do you do this to the other girls?" "They are monitored." "I can do it, if you'd like." "Doctor Clement gave instructions." "Right... sorry." I guess I knew I had to be cleaned. But the rag wasn't the nicest thing in the world on my skin. It hurt just a little, enough to leave my skin pink.

Hygiene was important, cleaning was important, and especially for someone who was new to the program — the ammonia could wreck havoc on sensitive skin. She ran the cloth up and down and around, and when she was down, she parted the boy’s butt-cheeks and washed between them, too. "You're going to be cleaned inside now, if you like, you can place your hands on the wall and lean forward a little."

“Uh... huh?" I knew what it was because I wasn't an idiot. I mean, I did have a doctorate. She attached the hose to one of the things on the wall and I felt my cheeks turn a little pink. My glasses were splattered with water from the shower - she hadn't taken them away. I wondered why. Was it a specific instruction? Nah... couldn't be. "...um..."

"You're on a liquid diet, and will cease to produce solid waste — but I presume that you ate the day before you arrived? You'll be cleaned out as is procedure, to prevent you soiling your diapers." It was a dignity thing. It was also to prevent normalizing the process of bowel movements so as to keep them humiliating as possible when they were invoked as punishment.

I bit my cheek and nodded my head. Honestly, shooting water up my ass was a million times better than doing it in a diaper. So I put my hands on the wall and my forehead on my arms. I'd never had an enema. I wondered what it was like...

As the boy stood now, the water no longer cascaded directly onto his back, and overshot him a little, so the coldness of the gel being rubbed between his cheeks, and worked inside of him with one gloved finger was very obvious. Most boys baulked at the intrusion. Velvet didn't. The orderly worked her finger in and out for a moment, and then replaced it with the rather bulbous head of the enema attachment, designed to be inflated upon insertion to secure and prevent leaks. Now the boy squirmed.

It wasn't bad. I mean, it wasn't a day at the park or sex with Roger. But I'd had things up there. So what? The trouble came with the plug started to expand. I let out a harsh exhale and closed my eyes. Weird feeling. Very weird. No water, though... not yet, anyway.

Once the plug expanded into place, secure and sound in its anchorage, the water began to flow. Body temperature, a little soap, some salts and minerals to ensure a proper clean. And, perhaps most concerning of all for all new inmates — a whole three quarts. The orderly rubbed the small of the boy’s back with a gloved hand, gently. "This takes some time, and you may cramp. That's normal."

"...okay..." I felt the water going into me. It was... very strange. Not uncomfortable. At first. Then it got uncomfortable. And then it hurt. Cramps. Sickly cramps. I whimpered against the wall as the water kept filling me. And filling me. And I felt sick. And I thought I was going to throw up. "Th-that's enough......"

"The quantity is determined by the system, I don't get to control it. I'm sorry." And she didn't envy the boy — she knew how much water it was, because she'd done this to numerous inmates, she knew the way their tummy would distend, how they'd whine and shift like little girls getting their first periods. She was sympathetic, but there was little she could or would do. "Try to slow your breathing."

I tried, but it hurt more. I started to whine. "T-take it out... take it out..." Oh god. It was actually starting to hurt. It was starting to really hurt. The cramps were too much. I was going to be sick. I was going to throw up. But it didn't stop. Not for another two minutes. Two FULL MINUTES. And when the water stopped, when it all stopped, I couldn't even breathe. Cramps washed over me every two seconds. I pushed. Pushed to expel it all out of me. Nothing worked.

"You're required to hold for ten minutes now, so I will tend to your hair while you do. Step back into the water, please." Velvet remained tethered to the wall with the hose in his ass, like some perverse pet on a leash, but had enough movement to get back into the spray of the shower. Not that he wanted to.

I couldn't let go of the wall. Everything hurt. Waves every one second. Everything burned. I was crying. Nothing should hurt like this. Nothing should bring this kind of pain, just needing to use the bathroom. Is this how constipation feels? Fuck everything. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "I..I'm going to throw up..." And before I could say anything else, I did. Milky liquid and stomach bile. Everything hurt...

The boy fell to his knees, but no amount of throwing up was going to help, and the orderly simply knelt down beside the boy and took the opportunity to lather shampoo into his hair. They were on a time-limit after all, and if he could be entirely clean by the time he was to expel — and expel he would, because the plug near his feet was open and designed for more than just water — then this would be over soon.

I was so lightheaded. I was so out of energy. So much for a relaxing shower. The woman rinsed the baby conditioner from my hair - it made the curls in my hair soft and straight - and I held my head against the wall. The cold on my cheek kept me awake...

There was a tone after a time, the boys unique tone, and when it sounded, the orderly helped the boy to his feet — which meant she supported his entire weight, guided him over the plug hole in the floor, aimed the shower at his behind and the back of his thighs, and removed the plug once it was deflated enough to do so.

Oh. My. God. I didn't even care if I was shitting onto the floor in front of the orderly. I didn't care. I just wanted to not feel like I was dying, and I really didn't. I thought I finished, but the orderly kept me pressed to the floor by my shoulders. My knees ached on the cold tile. Thirty seconds later, I went again.

Three full expels was the standard criteria. Most inmates would have a smaller expulsion every few hours for the day that followed, but diapers made short work of that. The room was foul for the moments during the flushing, but the hot water of the shower washed away all sins and soon the orderly turned it off, leaving the boy exhausted on the ground, but very very clean.

I hated everything. She helped me to my feet, but I didn't even feel it. I fell against the wall in the dry side of the room. She was patting me off with a towel and I was trying not to fall over. My head hurt. My ass hurt. Ugh, it was like high school all over again...

"You'll follow me into your bedroom and I'll get you dressed in time for breakfast." The boy was wrapped in the towel, wrapped like a girl across the chest, and led through the door and back into the large common playroom. Many of the girls looked up, but few stared. They'd all been through what he had, and their memories couldn't compare to the actual event.

The orderly didn't close the door behind us. She helped me onto the changing table - every room had one, except the main room - and laid me back on the padding. I looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. I was too exhausted to argue, especially after a night with so little sleep...

The diaper was fastened into place — a thicker model that the boy would become used to, to account for the discharges that would no doubt happen for the next 24 hours — and the scent of powder filled the bedroom giving way to the sound of diaper tapes being pulled into place for a snug fit. The kind lady orderly was precise and gentle, and felt no need to degrade the boy further than he had been already. "You can pick out a dress if you like. From your first six on the left, please."

"Okay..." I got up off the bed and waddled over to the closet. It was Annie's closet, technically, but new things were added. All the dresses were short and childish, but I expected that. I picked one in red. It would match my hair. The nurse was kind and dressed me, making me do very little of the work myself. Some parts of being a baby wasn't so bad, I guess.

By the time the five minute tone had chimed for breakfast, the boy was done, and the orderly led him to the table and helped him to sit, before going back beyond the security checkpoint. The other girls looked, and whispered, by it was Ayla who approached and sat, smiling at the boy warmly. "I heard you had a rough night, Velvet. Wanna talk about it?"

"Not much to say," I said quietly. Honestly, I was a little embarrassed at my over-reaction this morning. It was an over reaction, no matter how terrible the night was. The issue was, I was exhausted. I hoped the bottle would just put me right to sleep...

"We all have an Event Horizon, a moment we just cross over and kind of accept this. I hope that can be yours, Velvet, so you start to enjoy yourself here. It might turn out to be one of the most fun things you've ever done." Ayla had a lot of positive things to say about this place, which did beg the question as to her loyalties. The thing was... she always seemed to be fair and objective, so she might just be speaking the truth.

"Hopefully..." The bottle was put down in front of me. I took it quick, putting it between my lips. Maybe because I was hungry. Maybe because I didn't want to be punished. Maybe there was a timer, keeping track of all this. Honestly, I think it's that I wanted to sleep...

Everybody was surprised by the speed at which the boy took the bottle, but he drank it down nonetheless, no complaints about keeping himself, no complaints about the haze, or the hormones or the fact it would make him wet himself. He was compliant. Soft. Not at all the boy he'd been when he came to this place, and every girl had been in his shoes. "I'm glad you're being a good girl, now Velvet."

I gave it the courtesy amount of time, but I didn't start giggling. I yawned. I really yawned. And I set my head down on the table. I waited for the giggles to kick in while the other girls ate. People watched me, waiting all the same. But I felt my eyes closing. I curled up to the wood of the table and fell asleep.
 

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Yikes! That was hard to read. For multiple reasons. Partially because the orderly's light-grey text was difficult to read unless I held my phone a few inches from my face. But mostly because I hate enema scenes. The idea of having things shoved up your... *shudders* This chapter was actually physically painful for me to read.

I say that to say you're doing a good job. ;)

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Sorry about the grey. ;_;  Maybe I can find a darker grey... my MacBook screen is like 90 kinds of vibrant so I forget sometimes... :blush: 

Enemas aren't so bad.  They're certainly... an experience. O_O  Then again, Velvet's was particularly bad XD

Edit: There we go!  Darker grey! :D 

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55 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Yikes! That was hard to read. For multiple reasons. Partially because the orderly's light-grey text was difficult to read unless I held my phone a few inches from my face. But mostly because I hate enema scenes. The idea of having things shoved up your... *shudders* This chapter was actually physically painful for me to read.

I say that to say you're doing a good job. ;)

yeah like i said in early post we might actually see u.s. government officials facing a hauge tribunal for the first time in history if something like this were to leak.

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That enema scene was rough. I do enjoy myself an enema, but the last one (and second one ever) at 3 cups hurt a lot after holding it for 15 minutes. Now I can only imagine what 4 times that amount feels like, and it isn't pretty. I feel sorry for Velvet.

 

That said, I still enioy this story a lot and hope to see it continue, even if I feel that reading it is starting to affect me emotionally like only two or three stories have before (props to that, it's hard to get me emotional).

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18 minutes ago, TheGameArch said:

That said, I still enioy this story a lot and hope to see it continue, even if I feel that reading it is starting to affect me emotionally like only two or three stories have before (props to that, it's hard to get me emotional).

I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :D 

Actually we're sort of approaching the limit on all the stuff Pudding and I have written so far... I think we only have 22 or so chapters total :blush:  Hopefully we can find the time to continue this story sooner rather than later so you guys aren't left hanging.

I'll try to put up another chapter today or tomorrow to keep things flowing.  Thanks for all the support and comments! ^_^ 

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16.) Her Hypno Session

"Come on, snoozy girl." I'd come after breakfast to check on my newest charge, but he lay contently with his head on the table, and groaned when I shook his shoulder. "It's time for your training session, it'll be a fun one today, I'll show you." The other girls had already dispersed from the table long ago.

How long had I been here? I wished I had a clock. I rubbed my eyes and shuffled my feet against the tile. Colette took me by the hand and helped me up from the table. We walked into her office. I was still half-asleep. The diaper was wet. That was the first thing I noticed. The milk was over and done with. I guess I slept through it...

"Are you feeling a little bit better now? It's nice to be clean, isn't it?" There were so many things this morning he should have been punished for, but I was getting soft. I wanted him to progress through the program, but not to lose his brilliance. It was time to make plans.

"Uh huh..." Honestly, I wasn't sure it mattered. And I wasn't clean, since my diaper was wet. But whatever. I didn't really care. I put my head on the back of the sofa and rubbed my eyes again, pushing my glasses out of my face to do so. They were a little bent from the way I was sleeping on the table. It took me a minute to fix them. "What silly card game are we playing today?"

"I'd like to play my cards, actually." I pulled myself up on the edge of the desk, sitting atop the surface and took my glasses off to clean them while I watched the boy. "This place can be so much more than it is, Velvet, and I want to make it that. And I want your help, and I think we need to figure out if its achievable."

"...I'm not following." I said I'd help. I said I'd fix Annie. I didn't know when I'd fix Annie, because apparently I'm drugged 90% of the time. But hey, I said I'd do it. And I will. What else could she possibly want from me? And if she did, what was she willing to give me in return?

"I want Marlow out. You're going to fix Annie, but it's not enough. It's not going to make enough of an impact. Marlow is working on his Light-Induction system, and the Round Table will eat that up because it means they can automate the process. We need something to counter that." I shouldn't have been being so candid, but I'd just had a meeting with Marlow and the Round Table, and I was stressed.

"Light induction isn't automated," I said flatly. "That guy doesn't know heads from tails. If your board thinks flashy lights count as automated..." I sighed, rubbing my temples. "You still have to hypnotize. You still need someone who knows what they're doing. It's just a... a cannon. A cannon at a wall. It doesn't mean you can take over the city just by taking down a wall." Idiots.

"I know that, but he's got results. Poor results, but if they can replace the need for more hypnotherapists on six figure salaries with machines, they will. I've been wracking my brain all morning figuring out if there's a way we can automate. Automate properly, not with some gimmicky light machine. Maybe with a headset, sensory block-out, I'm not sure. Are you aware of anything in the field? We have a VR headset available to us if we need it." Times like this is when I'd smoke. I'd given that up years ago, but I still longed for it.

"...are you a real therapist?" I mean, I'd seen her walls. I saw them now. The degrees. She had a Doctorate. She was twenty-nine by the look of things. She earned her title two years ago. She had so little practice, I was sure. "Hypnosis, I mean. Or did you just take a seminar in college and think that's enough to qualify?" I wasn't being catty. I wanted to know how good she was. What I was working with.

"I specialized in the field, and went directly into government black ops for the military in the middle east. Deprogramming and interrogations, helping child soldiers who'd been raised to kill, and bringing back trauma victims from the worst things imaginable." Maybe he didn't expect that. It was deep cover work, not something a civilian would usually be involved in, not something I could print on my wall, not something that made medical periodicals.

"...hm." I was impressed. Not to say I believed her. But I was impressed. Even if it wasn't true, it was a fantastic lie. I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms. She was sitting in front of me in her chair. It was closer than we usually were in her office - she liked to stand. "Hypnotize me."

There were a few different types of hypnosis I employed in my career, differing mainly in the armor the patient had up. Trauma victims required a softer touch than potential suicide bombers, and I weighted my methodology accordingly. For Velvet, I’d give her my best. He could handle it. I nodded, and stood up, removing the boy’s glasses and setting them on the table. I touched a few buttons under a panel on my desk, and the lights went out, replaced by a star scene that rotated slowly around the roof of my office, and provided enough light for me to be seen, accompanied by soft distant music. We both knew that without proper technique, everything else was just gimmick, though, and I sat back down close to the boy. "I'm going to use an induction method not approved for use by the APA. Or any association of conscionable merit. Do you have any questions?”

"...uh... I guess not." She took my glasses off? But I fought off Marlow without my glasses and the milk. She wasn't going to be that difficult. And I already had blockades in my head. She didn't know about my method of hypnosis - the empathetic voice, I called it - and I didn't know about hers. Interesting.

The stars and the music was soft, and the glasses no doubt made it difficult for the boy to focus, but those things would be a stark contrast to what was to come. Cold-reading was something few in the industry took seriously — too much margin for error. "Growing up queer, knowing your place in the world would never be as part of the majority. It's hard. Hard knowing that no matter how proud you'll be, you'll never be normal. Never be like the other kids. Never be the one behind the bleachers, never be the high-school sweetheart couple. Never get the boy that you want, never know if you feelings will get you kissed or killed. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Always having to work harder to prove yourself. Always having to fight more than everybody else. Beat up at school, tossed around the locker room, pinned to the floor and treated like meat. It's enough to make you feel like meat. Feel like product for consumption. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Everything a woman is, but the kind and sensitive men that all your lady friends date, they don't want almost a girl. They want a girl. You get the assholes, the pricks, the horrible objectifying monsters. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. A fate you're born into, no fairytale ending, no fairytale beginning. Always second best. Always on the fringe. Always weak. Your own life ruined before it began, you wriggle into the lives of others. Sleeping around. Breaking up relationships, destroying families. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Drifting, floating endlessly, wanting to belong, and finding not a single place you do. No place, no happiness, no home. Nobody understands, nobody cares, nobody wants to help. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Nobody but me... nobody but me... nobody but me....Small. Vulnerable. Weak... and for the first time... safe."

...she was stupid. Stupid because you always lead with an induction, and she didn't. She led with a hypnotism. I was about to call her out on it, but things were a little fuzzy behind my eyes. Stupid glasses. She put her finger to my mouth when it opened. Her words were pointless. I mean, they made my chest hurt. They made me ache all over. But I wasn't hypnotized... I just felt... a little off center...

There were signs when a person ached inside, ached because a barrage of shots had landed a hit. The way breathing changed, the way that eyes shined, the way that glances were hidden. If a person was armored, I knew how to deal with that, and Velvet was. He looked away a little, and I began the second phase. "Small.... small in size, small in impact, small inside... " My voice had changed from the shotgun to something so much calmer, steadier, more level. I'd filled his mind with shrapnel, and it made it easier to slip inside. "You're so small, so vulnerable, so precious. Precious. Listen to my words, precious, listen to the way they comfort. Comfort, comfort like embrace, comfort like a blanket, comfort like happiness. Happiness, happiness like the warmth of love, the warmth of my words, the warmth of safety. Safe. So safe. Safe to listen, safe to follow, safe to fall upon the one who cares... the words that protect. Protected... protected and free, free to listen, free to focus, focus on the words as they wrap you up. Small. Precious. Comfort. Happiness. Warmth. Safety. Protected. Free.. focus now, focus on my words, those words that get softer and softer, smaller and smaller, small enough to tumble inside of you..."

“This is stupid..." Her words were... strange. Out of focus. Too fast. I couldn't hear any of them. Only when one word was repeated twice, two clauses tumbling together. My head was light. I blinked my eyes a little, trying to stay focused. It was... harder than I wanted to admit...

"Tumbling... tumbling. Falling... falling. Words, such pretty words, falling deeper and deeper, burrowing, settling. Happy and home. Your thoughts and the words, the same, the same tones, the same sounds, so close together, so the same. Words the same as thoughts, thoughts the same as words... hard to tell the difference... impossible. The words are your thoughts safe and trustworthy. The words protect you. Small. Vulnerable. Weak. Sleep."

I nearly fell over. Colette caught me, I think. She helped me lay down on the sofa so my head was propped up right. My eyes were closed, though. The last word... it just made me so drowsy. I wanted to rub my eyes, to wake up, but I didn't. I was so comfortable...

I didn't need to accomplish anything, only to prove the concept. Only to show the boy, perhaps for the first time, that I wasn't some inept government employee. I didn't know why I felt the need to prove anything. So he graduated at like 17? Well. He was the one in jail. "It's so easy to sleep, so easy to focus on your thoughts when you sleep. So easy to realize truths you never did. Truths you hadn't considered, thoughts and truths lost to the noise of awakeness. Only now, only in sleep, can you hear them. Hear their truths." Proof of concept. Simple. Very simple. "Truths. Your name is Velvet. Simple truth. Velvet. Lovely. Pretty. Strong. Simple. Velvet. Your name has always been Velvet, so praised for it growing up, so unique, so special. Yours. Something that can never be lost. Velvet."

There was red around me. Red curtains, maybe? Or red carpet. I couldn't tell. I just felt quiet and still. Everything was warm and safe. A hypno space. I didn't get what was with all the red curtains, though. I tried to figure it out. I think she was disguising it. I wasn't really going to lose this woman, was I? I could wake up. I snapped my fingers. The red went away. Everything was dark. I opened my eyes. But they didn't open right. Everything was still dark. Ugh...

So much of this induction technique disarmed my patient — the cold-read could be cruel, could be mean, could be fictional, but it didn't matter. It left everybody the same: helpless. I could break a person down to the basest elements of their persona, reallocate, shuffle priorities, change levels as simply as a sound engineer with volume sliders. Velvet was very talented, but the boy had never had a load of me before. "Red and beautiful, the way you've always dyed your hair, always played up to the image, always adored the way people smiled when they said your name. Never to tease, just to appreciate. Your pretty eyes, your gorgeous hair, and a name to bring it together. Velvet. Velvet. Velvet. So protective over your name... so quick to defend it. Your name is your truest strength, your favorite thing about yourself."

More red curtains. They seemed to wrap around the ceiling, too. I snapped my fingers again, but they only faded in color. Grey curtains. My chest was hurting. I didn't get it. Why curtains? Flowing? Wrinkles? Um... sunlight? Too vague of metaphors. She was working on something, and I couldn't figure out what. The hue returned to the curtains, and I snapped my fingers again. Less color slipped out of them.

"In every happy memory, every wonderful moment, you've brought your name with you with pride. Velvet. Velvet. Velvet. The day you graduated high-school, your first kiss, your favorite diner, every happy memory, every highlight of your life... Velvet. Bright red hair and a bright red name." It was time to seal the deal, to press this into reality. "You're wrapped up in your name, Velvet. Thick rich redness that comforts you like your favorite blanket as a child, warms you like cocoa, protects you like warm embrace. Red Velvet. Sweeter than any cupcake."

The curtains were too close to me, now. I snapped my fingers, but nothing happened. I tried to close my eyes. Everything was red. Red? Was that it? What was red? The curtains hugged me. Then I got it. Velvet. The name. She was working on my name. But they were already touching me, and they smelled like vanilla, and I snapped my fingers. They were gone. And I was... exhausted. I fell to the dark floor and gasped for air. Sweat trickled down my forehead. Fuck...

The boy had tumbled off the sofa, tumbled onto the floor, broken the trance, yes, but I'd won. He knew I'd won. I knew I'd won. And cemented it very simply with a question, one that I knew he'd answer, knew how he'd answer, knew the response he would fell upon answering, and smiled softly. "What is your name, again?"

I swallowed. I looked up at the woman behind the fogginess of my vision. I knew what she wanted me to say. I knew it very loudly in my head. But it wasn't the right answer. But finding the right answer... I just... was having trouble. Um... shoot... what was it...

I clicked my fingers. Once. Twice. Three times. Post-hypnosis, thought were hard. Trains were easy to detail. 'Quick! Name, what's your name? Don't think, just speak. Oh, I remember, it's Alice, right?" So close to his actual name, but for a girl, he would react. I knew he had. I'd made him proud of the name Velvet. He'd defend it.

"Velvet," I said sharply, instinctually, and then I hesitated. I blinked, and I looked away, and I stumbled to my feet. I was a little pissed off. I didn't want her to actually accomplish anything! I just wanted her to shut up. I just wanted to see how far she could go. I pushed past her and fished my glasses off the table, putting them back on my nose. I was obviously upset.

As he slipped his glasses on, I tapped the buttons on the desk, and the lights came back up, the music stopped, and he glared at me. I wasn't smug. I was actually quite humble, especially in the presence of a hypnotherapist who had the sort of national renown that my experience ensured I never would. "Now, are you satisfied?"
 

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Wow! That was amazing! Somebody should make an anime where the characters fight with hypnosis and they should have YOU choreograph the fight scenes! :)

Grammer Patrol 

1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

comfort like happiness. Happiness happiness like the warmth of love

 

1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

focus on te words as they wrap you up. Small. Precious.

I know there were others, but I can't seem to find them now. :/

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18 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Okay guys.  I'm officially on vacation for a week!  No more Velvet until the 19th or 20th!

Thanks for reading. :wub:

enjoy your vacation.

 

also i'm really curious as to how Collette manages to implant in a non susceptible subject. i'm guessing it has to do with finding things that the person wants unconsciously and tying the hypnosis to that as a kind of psychic Trojan.

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I saw this and thought I had read Audrey and Staycee, and in doing was aware of the role Velvet played so I didn’t need to read it again. Boy was I wrong this is where we get all the great background information. Having read Audrey and Staycee you have a very good idea of how things turn out but I am really enjoying getting the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say. Great job I will definitely be keeping up with this and going and reading Lottie now to. 

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On 4/19/2018 at 8:30 AM, CDfm said:

I saw this and thought I had read Audrey and Staycee, and in doing was aware of the role Velvet played so I didn’t need to read it again. Boy was I wrong this is where we get all the great background information. Having read Audrey and Staycee you have a very good idea of how things turn out but I am really enjoying getting the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say. Great job I will definitely be keeping up with this and going and reading Lottie now to. 

:D I'm so glad you're enjoying it!!  Lottie is going to wrap up today, thankfully.  And I'll have another chapter of Velvet up later today.  I'm already prepared to start a new story and I really want to finish up this Project Calibeen stuff soon.

 

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17.) Her New Project

I was satisfied. Without the lights, the music... with my glasses, with her sitting and me standing, I had a moment to calm down. I had a moment to be impressed. I sat back on the sofa and rubbed my temples. I'd have to focus on remembering my old name later today... "Automated hypnosis. You think that's possible?" "I was asking you." "...you'd need a... a completely unsympathetic induction. You'd never be able to do it." I didn't mean any offense, and I think she knew that. I meant that her methods were literally the exact opposite of what she'd need. She needed me...

"Would you be able to?" I didn't say it to question his abilities, but we were cut from different cloth and we were being frank and blunt about things right now. I needed to know if it was even viable to form a partnership over this. "We need something that is going to be able to be deployed with limited supervision. Ideally, the hypnotherapist won't need to be involved on a patient level at all."

"Like what, audiotapes or something? Like that fucked up stuff online?" I'd done my research. "No. Probably not. I mean, those things are for people who want to be hypnotized, and even then, they only sometimes work. To hypnotize off an audiotape...? I don't think so." This is what made automated hypnosis impossible. Nothing works for everyone.
I went around the back of my desk and opened the drawer, setting the VR headset down on the oak surface. "Active noise canceling audio input, and 100% isolation from external visual stimuli. It's designed for 3D, but we can use the discrete screens to send imagery to individual elements of the brain." Velvet was right about audio-tapes, or audio-only. There was only so much automation that could be done with audio alone.

"...a headset." She mentioned one earlier. I leaned forward to take it from her and turned it around in my hands. I took my glasses off and put the headset on instead. The cups covered my ears. The screens were off and everything was dark. I blinked a lot to adjust. No light, though. I replaced the headset with my glasses. “I don’t know.”

"We've got this on loan for two weeks. Which means we need to develop and prototype a delivery system in that amount of time, without Marlow finding out, while still progressing your usual schedule. All this will be pointless if I can't turn you into a productive member of society at the same time." And we'd proven now that any confidence he might have had with regards to my hypnotic prowess was overly stated.

"You sure have a lot of requirements," I said with a sigh. And then a bigger question. "If I help you... what do I get out of it. Like you said - I still have to be in this program, right? I can't just... be done." I wasn't going to make this easy on her. I was enticed, sure. An automated hypnosis program. A real one. It was so exciting. But she was the one with benefits. I was the one with curiosities and labor.

"I'll allow you input on your final design within the program. There are some hard limits we need to respect, but I would be in a position to allow you some influence over particulars. Like, for instance, ensuring no more of the lower tier punishment routines, designed to compromise cognitive ability. You'd stay sharp." There was a caveat that I had yet to mention, of course, and that was that the boy could have no professional credit for his work. But I knew he was curious enough to want in. "And you said yourself, Velvet. You think you can do better here, right?"

"...no more stupid card games, you mean?" I had caught on. They were supposed to be making me stupider. I had caught on with the TV, too. The fake words. It's easy to ignore things when you know about them. "I hope you have more to offer than that." Something she knew, something I knew, and something Marlow would know... I was the only one that could do this.

"Your professional life is ruined, because of your charges. Nobody would hire you, not in this country, not in any other. I'm willing to offer you employment upon graduation, and documentation aligned with your education and experience here." It was something I was uniquely positioned to offer — we were authorized to reproduce government documents. Birth Certificates. Licenses. Other documentation as required. "Velvet Duke would be provided continued work on the project and its successive iterations, but you'd also have the freedom to continue your life at the level you left it. The majority of our graduates find satisfaction in minimum wage or administrative work. It keeps them out of trouble."

...shit, that was a good deal. I knew she was right. I knew I had my license stripped when I was convicted. I knew I couldn't practice psychology again, let alone hypnotherapy. A place like this? I could work here? Running experiments, the other side of the door? I liked the sound of it, but... I pushed. "I appreciate that. And I'll accept it. But I'm an instant-gratification kind of person. If you want to keep me in your pocket, I need something day-to-day." A small change to anything. Just a reminder that I wasn't the others.

I steepled my fingers, watching the boy curiously. This wasn't something he even wanted — he just wanted to know that he had the wriggle room to add something else to the table. I thought about it for a moment and leveled my offer. "Dinner meal replaced with food. It'll only be one tier up. But you still won't have bathroom privileges, which means you'll be using your diapers for more than wetting. But it does mean clear nights for you to think about our problems. And less drugs."

"...alright." "Get me a working proof. Then you'll get your rewards." Ah, milk tonight. A catch. That was fine. I'd have time to think before lunch, and hopefully time after dinner before bed. The milk only lasted a couple hours, and then the rest was about me. This also meant time to help Annie... I liked my odds. "Deal."

"I'll expect results from you, Velvet." I tapped my pen on the table-top, but there was a little smile played on my lips. "You're going to leave here as a girl like everybody else does, never lose sight of that. Embrace it if you have to. But your progress here isn't secondary. Think you can manage that?"

"Yeah, sure, why not." I got up from the sofa and stretched my legs. I handed the little headset back to Colette and looked at the door. One bottle, but that wasn't for a while. And another later tonight. I'd leave here as a girl, she said. I needed to meditate on my old name. "See you after lunch." And I closed the door behind me.
 

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