Lottie - A Calibeen Story

[Sophie ♥]

51. Maybe I’m still sleepy.

The whole thing felt like a dream.  I woke up the next day or the next week or month or year with the surreally vivid memories of my time in Zero.  Every day would pass nearly the same: bottles of milk, diaper changes, playing with the other Zero's, and then bedtime in the crib.  And I couldn't remember any of it with much detail, like what the doctors had called my friends or what toys were my favorite.  I couldn't even place a moment when I'd used my diapers, though I knew without a doubt that I'd done nothing but.  And the shame crept through me like vines on a house, slowly consuming.  I'd lost.  But where was I now?  I finally managed to open my eyes, but the bright fluorescents were a heavy contrast to the faded lights of Zero.  I sat up slowly, letting my pupil's adjust.  A hospital?  I felt sick to my stomach, though I realized that feeling had been there from the start.  Even sitting up in my bed had put me out of breath and my arms felt weak beneath me.  The room was lined with two other beds, only one of them had a sleeping girl.  Where was I…?  What was happening…?

"It's good to see you awake, Miss Tovia-Roux." The nurse smiled sweetly, though there was a something else behind the expression she wore - a sad sense of resignation that was trying desperately to fit behind the facade of the smile. Coming off the girl’s body in various places were wires running to machines, and a drip next to the bed ran to her wrist. "My name is Jillian, and I've been looking after you along with Dr. Waters. Could you tell me how you're feeling, darling?"

"I… um…" I shook my head, still trying to get used to the situation.  A nurse… and these wires… and right where the IV went into my arm was a very large, purple bruise.  I didn't understand any of this.  But what I did understand was the last name Jillian had called me.  Tovia-Roux. "I want my parents.  Cohen and Emerson.  I want them right now." I thought I was being stern, but the words spilled out much more like a plea.  What was going on?

"We need to take care of a few things first, Lottie. Do you think you could answer some questions for me?" She had the girl’s chart in her hand and a pen in the other. "Could you tell me how your hunger levels are? Do you feel as though you could eat? How about your energy?" The girl was never very big in the first place, but she'd lost ten pounds since coming out of Phase Zero, and her symptoms and subsequent diagnosis had caused ripples all throughout the administration; the compounds used to instigate Zero currently being torn apart in a dozen different independent labs to ensure there was no cause for liability.

"I'm… I don't know.  I'm not hungry, I just want to see my family." Why was this so difficult for the girl to understand?  But it didn't seem to matter how many times I requested - she wasn't going to help me.  So maybe I could get answers instead. "Why am I here?  When can I go home?" And then a thought occurred to me: what if Zero and the whole facility wasn't real.  What if I had made it up, and that was why I was in the hospital.  But that would be crazy, right…?  Absolutely not. "Can I have a mirror?"

"Of course." That was a request that Jillian could abide by, and she opened the second drawer in a large steel chest and passed the small hand mirror to the girl. "Now, the sooner you can answer my questions, the sooner I'll be able to have Dr. Waters come in to see you. I bet you have a lot of questions you'd like answered and she's certainly the better person to handle that." It was such a shame, such a tragic case - so young and so beautiful and now to be confined to this fate and future...

The girl who looked back in the mirror at me was very clearly Charlotte Tovia-Roux.  My hair was much longer now, past my shoulders, and the dark brown had conquered the roots of my hair again.  The orange-red had faded into a light brown and looked strange against the rest of my hair.  It would need to be dyed again, at the very least.  But it was a good indicator of time - at least half a year, maybe more.  My hair wasn't the only thing that changed, though - my skin was much thinner and almost a pasty white instead of a creamy beige.  There were still bags under my eyes.  I was sick? "Why am I here?  What's wrong with me."

"There were some complications in bringing you back from Phase Zero, and you had to be kept asleep for a spell while your body recovered." It was the most information that Jillian could offer, and she certainly wasn't ready to explain the rest of what would have to be told to the girl. "Now, do you think you might like to help answer my questions?" She had a list; appetite, nausea, energy levels, pains or other maladies; things that needed to be confirmed for Dr. Waters before she had what was one of the hardest discussions for a doctor to have.

"I… had complications?" Jillian nodded and I looked at my arm where the doctor put the needle in so long ago, but now the IV was in the same place.  The bruise was massive. "When can I leave?" I expected to go home, though, and it was only after the question that I realized I probably wouldn't.  I still had the entire program to complete, and when I left the hospital, they'd probably start me as a First again.  So I shook my head and laid back on the slightly elevated bed. "Nevermind.  You had questions?"

"Just a few." She smiled: bright and pretty but still concealing the truth just beneath the surface. "I need you to tell me how your appetite is, if you have any nausea, how you'd describe your energy levels, that kind of thing. I'm going to start at the top, so how do you feel about eating? Are you hungry?" She wouldn't be, though, not with what was going on inside her body. It was why we'd left the drip in, even though we knew she'd be awake today.

I shook my head and she continued down the list.  Nausea.  A bit.  Energy.  Had trouble sitting up.  Pain.  Not really.  Anything else?  The lights hurt my eyes and Jillian promised to dim them.  And I felt a little… wrong. "Wrong how?" "I don't know.  Maybe I'm still sleepy." "Maybe." She smiled and marked that down on her chart, too. "About my parents…" She looked up from the chart and I looked away.  I didn't want to nag, but I wanted so badly to see Cohen and Emerson.  I wanted to apologize for leaving, and I wanted to tell them it might be a  little longer than a year before I can come home.

"I'm going to have Dr. Waters come in to see you in a moment. She's a very lovely young woman." She smiled and left the room, leaving the girl on her own. It was heartbreaking to think about somebody so young - but it was always someone young when it came to this. "Dr. Waters, Miss Tovia-Roux is awake, here's her chart and questionnaire." "I don't suppose she gave us any reason for hope?" Jillian shook her head sadly and looked at the chart. "I'm afraid it looks like your diagnosis was correct, doctor. She's also asking after her parents." The doctor nodded and went down the chart, shaking her head. "She'll get to be with them soon, for whatever that's worth. I'm going to file her terminal discharge papers once I've spoken to her. Please have them prepared." "Of course, doctor." She smiled and the two went their separate ways, Dr. Waters making her way to the girl in the bed.
 

[Sophie ♥]

52. Just my luck.

It was easier to look at the doctor than the nurse since Jillian had turned the lights down on her way out.  I tried sitting up again but it didn't go so well - the exhaustion kicked in about halfway up and I wound up on my elbows.  The doctor laid me back down and tilted the bed up with the remote control. "Thanks…" She nodded and regarded the chart Jillian had taken with her. "Um… I wanna see my family.  Can I do that?  I mean, I know I can't go home… I just… wanna say hi…" I could only assume we were still in the facility.  They wouldn't outsource, would they?  Too risky…

"All in good time. There're some things we need to talk about, things that aren't so easy." She sat on the edge of the bed and put her hand on the girl’s knee softly through her blankets. "By this time tomorrow, you're going to be home with them. That's the good news. And I know you're probably excited so let me apologize for taking all that away. The reason you're going home is that you're being released under a provision called Terminal Discharge…"

I was… going home?  I was going home!  Oh!  I smiled happily at the doctor, though she seemed significantly less so.  Why was she so grouchy?  I was being discharged! "So I don't have to finish the program?  And the police won't come after me or anything?  And I can live a normal life?" A normal life as Charlotte Tovia-Roux.  A normal life as Cohen and Emerson's daughter.  They'd still have me back, wouldn't they?  Oh, I could barely conceal my excitement.  Actually… I could conceal it fine.  I was happy, but… it was a modest level of happy, like when someone buys you an ice cream.  It wasn't the right amount of happy for 'you're bypassing your sentence to have the life you always wanted'.  And then I realized what I meant when I told Jillian I felt wrong.  

"As normal a life as you can manage, given the circumstances." She smiled a small smile and looked away, steeling her nerves before finally starting on the hard part of this. "Miss Tovia-Roux - may I call you Lottie?" She nodded and he continued. "Lottie, you're being released under terminal discharge on the back of a set of symptoms you have that indicate you have… leukemia." She watched the news settle in with the girl. "Now, there are plenty of patients in your condition who undergo treatment and manage to prolong their lives significantly. Your white blood cell count is very very low, though; we don't have the facilities for treatment here to give you a proper prognosis or even an estimation. But I personally would suggest… months. Perhaps six."

"Wait…" Leukemia?  Wasn't that cancer?  I had cancer?  But that couldn't be right.  Wouldn't I have… noticed… something?  But I wouldn't have, would I?  Not in Zero.  Maybe their drugs did it to me!  It could be their fault.  But what did it matter if it was their fault or not?  I had six months to live… "So… I'm dying?" The doctor nodded solemnly and I put my head back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. "Well, that's just my luck, huh…?"

"I'm going to be filing your discharge this afternoon, and by this time tomorrow we should be able to send you home. These things tend to get processed very quickly so as to give you the most possible time to enjoy what you have left. You'll be given a full pardon and left to enjoy the remainder of your days in peace. I'm so dreadfully sorry." Dr. Waters realized now while older doctors had such steely, distant looks in their eyes; she understood what it was like for Lottie to hear the news, because she now knew what it was like to die a little bit inside. She knew her history, knew what she'd done, but it was impossible to see that in this girl. Just a light snuffed out far too early.

"What if… I get better?  I mean, they have chemotherapy, right?" I hadn't been on that because I still had my hair.  Then again, all I knew about cancer was the stuff I saw on TV.  So I still had a chance.  I could do chemo and get better, and then… wait… "If I got better, would I have to come back here?  Like, if the cancer went away?" I wasn't sure I wanted to live if it meant having to return here… having to spend another year away from my family.  I couldn't do that.

The Doctor shook her head and smiled. "No, under the forms I'm filing, you'll be granted a Federal Compassionate Release, and this includes a pardon to your charge. You'll be free to go and you'll never have to return to this place unless you so choose." She was optimistic, though, and that warmed her heart a little. "You'll be free to pursue as much treatment as you're able to, and with proper care you may be able to prolong your prognosis by many times. I just want you to be realistic, Lottie; with your white cells as low as they are… there may not be very much that can be done."

"So seeking treatment… probably… isn't worth it, then." I wasn't sad; I just needed to know.  The doctor shrugged her shoulders and went into a very long speech about how it could be very helpful, but all in all, it likely could never save my life.  I was classified as terminal, and what that meant was this disease would kill me in the end. "I don't want to tell them, then.  My parents.  If that's okay." I was twenty years old - I had the right to privacy medically.  I just… didn't want Cohen and Emerson to be sad our last few months together.

"Well," she continued, looking down at her chart. "The Headmistress indicated that your identification documents would read Charlotte Tovia-Roux, parents are Cohen and Emerson Tovia-Roux. Born August 18th, 1999. Which would make you legally thirteen years of age according to the prepared documentation. Under that criteria, we'll be required to inform your parents I'm afraid."

I winced and looked away from the doctor.  Great… "This kind of sucks, you know.  Dying.  I sort of thought I had more time.  I could get out of here and be with my family for a while." It really made me regret turning myself in.  I had so little time left, and the past six months or so could have been spent with my family.  I would miss Cohen and Emerson so much… but even more-so, they'd miss me.  I couldn't comprehend…

"Well, we'll get you out of here just as soon as we can. The Headmistress will be down later this evening to officially declare your discharge, and I expect your parents will be here tomorrow. Is there anything I can do for you right now?" She was taking it remarkably well; a little resigned apathy and that was about it. Children often didn't understand the severity of such things, though, and Dr. Waters wrote it up to being vastly typical. There was, of course, the fact that she wasn't truly a child.

I shook my head and Doctor Waters left me alone, or as alone as I was with the sleeping girl.  I was dying.  And again, all I could feel was a moderate amount of sadness.  I would leave this world, leave Cohen and Emerson behind, and would be unable to bring them joy ever again.  And I still felt the same level of sadness as someone taking my ice cream cone away.  I didn't understand… I didn't want to die.
 

[Baby Billy]

-Hi, I hope you and Pudding had a great vacation.  I thought this would be finished tonight but I now know I read this years ago and know the ending quite well.  I will not say anymore except I love Cohen. 

[Pudding]

 I will yell at her to finish posting it

[Sophie ♥]

9 minutes ago, Pudding said:

 I will yell at her to finish posting it

I PLANNED ON FINISHING IT TONIGHT I DID!  

I fell asleep when I got home from work and I was going to do it before midnight.   I'll get another chapter up in a second.

[Baby Billy]

Sophie go to bed and finish tomorrow everyone will love the ending, tell me sometime when this was first put up.  I remember most of what was going one but it was long ago only little bit jogged on mind like the glasses and the train set and the sickness at the end.  Be good and take care of yourself and Pudding, I really love your work. 

[Sophie ♥]

53. I just wish.

It was a few hours before the Headmistress arrived, two women by her side. "Lottie, I need you to understand that what is about to commence is a legal proceeding authorized by the state of South Dakota on behalf of the United Stated of America's Federal Bureau of Prisons. Please confirm to me that you understand this." The girl nodded and the Headmistress spoke clearly, the women to her left writing each thing down. "Let it be understood that the inmate understands the formality of this proceeding. Does the inmate have any questions before we proceed?"

This was what Doctor Waters was talking about, right?  She was going to pardon me and I'd be able to go home for the short amount of time before… well, it didn't matter.  The Headmistress spoke directly to me, though while she did so she went over to check the machines of the girl in the bed next to mine - a blonde girl about my height, by the looks of it.  She didn't even stir.  Finally, the Headmistress left her bedside and returned to me, continuing her speech.

"It is declared that today, February Twenty-First, in the year of Two-Thousand-Thirteen, following the recommendation of the resident treating physician, Doctor Jacqueline Waters, inmate identification number 2021 is hereby granted full pardon under the stipulations outlined for Compassionate Release, by the United States Federal Bureau of Prisons. At the time of," she glanced at the clock on the wall, "Six-Fifteen PM, you are hereby released of all charges, past and present. Your newly issued birth certificate in the name of Charlotte Tovia-Roux, including your new social security number, will be delivered to your room shortly. Do you have any further questions?"

Again, I shook my head.  I would've had a million questions if Doctor Waters hadn't explained all this earlier in the hour, but luckily for the Headmistress, who looked endlessly bored, she had.  She nodded and the two women beside her left the room.  They were as immaculately dressed as the Headmistress herself, though much shorter.  I had nothing further to say to the Headmistress, though.  Either her orders had killed me or they'd taken my last few months away from my family, and neither of those things were appealing enough to warrant a goodbye.

"Hey~" The clock read almost ten when Jillian came into the room - she wasn't in her uniform anymore, just in usual street clothes, but she held a large white envelope in her hands. "They were going to have an orderly bring this down, but I offered." She held it out to the girl. "It has all your ID stuff. I know it's no consolation, but I read your file… about how you escaped, and started a life with those people. It must mean a lot to you to officially be their daughter now. I know that it's bittersweet, because of what's happening to you and all…"

"Yeah.  I guess." I took the envelope and sifted through it.  A birth certificate for a place near Chicago, where Emerson and Cohen had lived before here.  A State I.D. card for South Dakota, picture-less as were all minors, with my full legal name and my new birthdate.  Clearly Cohen had been a part of these proceedings - everything matched up too well.  A newly printed social security card was backdated and tagged with a new nine digit number I'd never seen before.  An immunization card with all recent dates - something they had probably done while I was asleep.  But nothing about the facility, not even a swatch of my purple. "I just wish I'd have more time with them.  They wanted a daughter for so long, and they get one, and…"

"I'm sure they'll treasure the time they have." She smiled, though it was clear she didn't entirely believe the advice she'd given. "I hope you find peace in the time you can use, Charlotte. Your mom is going to be here in the morning, you should try and get some rest." She wondered over to the blonde girl laying on the bed and sighed; still no change here, either. It was so difficult watching the girls in this wing, watching them and knowing that they may never get better. At least Lottie had a chance to spend some time with those she loved.

I thought the night would have been restless with the news I'd been given, and knowing that in the morning my parents would be here to pick me up.  And they'd know.  And things would be very stressful for the next few months.  I'd lose my hair during all their attempts to fix me.  And despite it all, I'd eventually die.  But I fell asleep only an hour after Jillian left me alone, and when I woke up, Cohen was on my bedside and not a single bad dream had reached me.
 

[Sophie ♥]

54. I don’t like boys.

"Good morning, gum-drop." I smiled and bit my lip a little, anxious to see her reaction to seeing me. I knew she wouldn't be herself, not right now, and I also had the full expectation she wouldn't remember every doting day I'd spent by her side when she was in Zero. It might have been for the best, too, because with the number of diapers I'd changed I wasn't sure she'd be able to look me in the eye. The doctor who'd developed the shot that made Zero's the way they were had told me that seeing me afterward might trigger a few nascent memories, but nothing specific. "Your Dad is at home getting some things sorted, so it's just going to be you and me for the drive I’m afraid. Hope that's okay."

I couldn't help but smile.  I wasn't sure if Cohen knew or not, but she treated me so wonderfully.  And even the idea of going home was nothing to seeing my Mom.  I sat up in bed, despite the weakness, and wrapped my frail arms around Cohen.  She hugged me back and helped me out of bed.  If it was anyone else, I might've been put off at her taking the IV out and bandaging it up, but she was, after all, a doctor.  Once I was on my feet, all the fatigue I had before came back tenfold and I nearly slipped down to the floor.  Cohen held me by the hand, though, and moved me into one of the wheelchairs.  Wasn't that policy anyway?

Walking down this corridor wasn't something I'd done very often, the corridor that led past the security checkpoints and to the parking lot.  For all intents and purposes, I'd lived here for the past six months, just as Lottie had. I'd manage to go home once a week most weeks to spend time with Emerson, and often he'd come up to Aberdeen for the weekends just to do lunch with me. But I was loathe to leave my child here in the hands of these people. Everything had worked out tough. We came out into the sunlight - the doors to the facility set into the slope of a mountain. It made the perfect prison, really - one way in and out - and continued to push Lottie towards my car. "Your Dad misses you a lot, you know? He hasn't gotten to see you as much as I have."

"As much as you have?" Come to think of it, Cohen wasn't as excited to see me as I'd been to see her, and my emotions were pretty messed up.  The bright sunlight took me by surprise - no amount of indoor lighting quite compared, and my eyes were definitely not used to the outdoors.  I had to close my eyes until I'd gotten into the passenger seat of the car, and even then I could barely open them.  

"Well…" I leaned over and buckled the girl’s seatbelt over her frail body, pulling a pillow off the backseat for her to put her head on. I expected she'd sleep for much of the hundred-odd mile drive. "I've been living here at the facility. When they showed me what they'd done to you… I couldn't bare it. So I took a job posting here, as a Phase Zero caretaker." So much for not wanting her to be too awkward, right Cohen? Still, I wanted her to know that I'd never left her side, even if she didn't remember.

Even the shame was dulled.  I whimpered into the pillow and leaned my seat back just enough to be comfortable. "You took care of me…?" There couldn't have been many Zeros at once, and that meant she probably did take care of me, alongside a few others.  So she made me bottles and gave me toys and… oh, she saw me naked!  Alright, the embarrassment of that one seemed to shine through. "Ugh… gosh, Mom… that's so weird…"

I shrugged sheepishly. "If it makes you feel any better, it just makes me feel closer to you. I got to take care of you when you were a baby, as well as now that you're a thirteen year old girl. So you could look at it that way, gum-drop." She didn't seem any more thrilled by the notion though, and I smiled. "It was the only way I could keep you safe and be close to you. It's also the only way I could…" I looked around as I backed the car out of its park and then decided better of it. "I'll explain when we're at home."

"Explain what…?" I was curious, but Cohen wouldn't hear of it.  So I sulked into the passenger seat and thought about the information Cohen had already given me.  She'd changed my diapers for seven months - seven having been from July to February.  Maybe Cohen having that experience would make my life easier - less ashamed.

It wasn't until the facility was long gone from the rear-view mirror that we started openly talking, as if them even being able to see us would lead to ruin. "It's been hard for your dad, living at home on his own. But he's been making preparations for when you came back and we've been doing everything we can to stay in touch. We're so glad you're coming home, though." I motioned to the glove compartment. "There's some candy in there, but I'm not sure if you'll feel much like eating it yet. Figured just in case, right, gum-drop?" She was starting to adjust better to the light now, and her eyes were a little bit more open, though still partially closed and squinty. "Now… you've been in a very dependent state for a long time, gum-drop. There are side-effects to that…like um…" How as I going to tell my daughter that she'd still be in diapers for a while? I knew she was wearing a pull-up at the moment - the nurse, Jillian, had even packed me a few into a bag for the drive home. We had ample supplies once we were there, though, Emerson had made sure of that.

"Yeah, the nurse mentioned…" Shouldn't I feel more embarrassed?  It was so difficult to feel anything.  I guess the idea of wetting myself was a little dull compared to dying.  Was there even a point in potty training again?  I sighed and did my best to open my eyes.  Even under the tree canopy, it was still quite bright. "They took my glasses, I think.  The purple ones." I'd had them when I went into the cop car, anyway.  

"They're at home, in your room. So are the clothes you were wearing. They were going to throw all that stuff away, but I saved it." She was still so emotionally dulled, as though she registered that she should have a response to the things I was saying, but it was the minimal amount of emotion available. "Your Dad says that I shouldn't let you take care of your own changes, because it's counter productive to your ability to 'grow out of it'. I guess he's the only with the training in early childhood development, so we should listen to him, right?" I was so excited to see her, to have her home, but I had to be careful with the strength and intensity of my reactions right now. She was so used to shades of grey, so colors were something to be rationed in.

"Nuh uh.  No way.  I can do it myself." It didn't seem to register with me that Cohen had changed my diapers for over half a year now, many more times a day than I'd likely need it now.  I hated that this part of the facility still followed me, but at least it was something we could conquer.  And, hey!  I hadn't sucked my thumb once since waking up!  I call that an improvement.  Then again, I hadn't felt any anxiety at all, either. "I'm thirteen, Mom.  Not two."

"I know, gum-drop. But if you do it yourself, you'll take much longer to grow out of it. Is that what you want?" She pouted quietly and I continued. "I'm your mother, and I've changed plenty of your diapers, gum-drop. A few more isn't going to hurt." Lottie crossed her arms and huffed.  Whether or not that was the end of the argument was entirely questionable, but it was the start of my victory. "I can't wait until you have your appetite back; I'm looking so forward to cooking for you. Everybody back home misses you, too, your Dad was saying. Even Nate, though I tell you sweetie that boy is entirely too old for you. So don't be charmed by his cute smile."

"I don't like boys." Cohen looked over at me with mild curiosity and I finally managed to open my eyes all the way.  That couldn't have surprised her, could it?  Or maybe she thought I meant it in a thirteen year old girl way where boys are icky. "I mean… being born a boy and all.  Never really liked boys." Was I coming out to my Mom?  I'd never had to do something like that… I supposed, for all intents and purposes, I was, after all, a girl.  And that would make me… gay? "I'm sorry… um… if that's weird…"

"Not weird at all, gum-drop. I wasn't sure how what they did to you in there impacted that part of you." It was true that we didn't exactly live in the world’s hub for gay teenage girls, but I was sure there'd at least be some potential for Lottie to find someone she liked; and if there wasn't? In a few years she'd go off to college anyway, and every girl liked girls in college. "I love you, you're my daughter. And if you like girls, or if you like boys, both are perfectly okay paths to take. I promise."

I smiled and leaned up against Cohen's shoulder, watching the road with her as she drove.  It was an awkward position, but with the pillow between us, it wasn't uncomfortable.  It was strange how normal everything was.  Maybe they'd forgotten to tell Cohen the truth, and maybe the truth hadn't hit me yet.  Or maybe I dreamt that part up and I wasn't going to die after all.  Who knew?
 

[Sophie ♥]

55. I won’t be able to.

Somewhere into the drive, Lottie's eyes had closed and she'd fallen asleep leaning against me. I decided not to wake her until we got home, Emerson wandering out of the house to meet us at the car. "Wake up, gum-drop, we're home." She was probably wet after the sleep, but I figured I'd give her the chance to reunite with her dad before taking her upstairs to change. I pointed out the window at Emerson and he smiled warmly in the way that he did, Lottie still rubbing her eyes and trying to get her bearings. "Your dad has a surprise for you, you know."

"A surprise…?" And again, just like seeing Cohen on the edge of my bed, my excitement was dulled.  Was that a leukemia thing?  I climbed out of the car and ran up to Emerson nonetheless - just because it was dulled doesn't mean it wasn't there.  I wrapped my arms around him tight and put my head on his shoulder. "I've missed you so much… I'm so glad to be home." For however long it lasts…

"We're so very glad to have you home, too." The passionate, fiery man that had stood off against the Headmistress in her office and in room one-oh-four was once again the subdued and polite 7th grade school-teacher, though Lottie would never remember the former. But he smiled, and he held her close. "Why don't you go up to your room and find something nice to wear, child?" She nodded and both Emerson and I followed the girl up the stairs. Her door was closed, but there were wooden letters in an arc across the wood now that read 'Lottie'. She looked back at me, and then at Emerson, and we both shrugged coyly. With trepidation, she put her fingers on the knob and opened the door. Emerson had done such a wonderful job; the spartan room had been completely transformed in the months since she'd been gone. Beautiful white furniture replaced the overtly 'guest-room' pine. The bed - fitted with a comforter in a very specific purple - was against the middle of one wall, and the wall opposite was painted in the same shade. There was a dresser with delicate ornate handles, and a cute vanity in the same style. It was the sort of room that was on the cusp of the childish and the teenage. Her purple had been the most difficult thing about everything - getting paint in a specific color was easy enough, but getting the comforter had been much more difficult. In the end, Emerson had ordered a white comforter and had the seam-stress in town gently take it apart and color each side in a dye he'd ordered in the right tone. "Welcome home, Charlotte."

I couldn't help but smile, and in that instant, I wasn't so sure my feelings were muted after all.  I ran up and hugged both my parents, one in each arm and thanked them over and over.  The room was stunning.  I wasn't sure if I was biased because of the clearly my-purple comforter or if it actually impressed me.  I had only ever had the room of a boy before, and I couldn't be sure this room wasn't too childish for a thirteen year old, but for now, it was perfect.  I plopped down on my bed and sighed dreamily.  I was home.  I was actually home.

"There's a few more things for you around the house, gifts wrapped and left for you to find." Emerson smiled, pleased with himself.  Just a few things - a Macbook on the sofa in the living room, a necklace in her vanity drawer, a lunchbox for school in the kitchen, and her train locomotive that he had ordered for her a lifetime ago downstairs on her now fully-painted train table. I squeezed my husband’s hand and motioned to the door. We'd discussed the hand-squeeze - that I needed him to leave so I could change Lottie - and he smiled and gently closed the door behind him. "Let's get you changed into something dry, and then pick out something cute for you to wear, okay gum-drop? Then you can find your other gifts."

Changed into something dry?  She couldn't possibly think I'd wet myself.  I shook my head, climbing up off the mattress, and crossed my arms. "I am dry, thank you." Regardless, I followed Cohen to the closet and fingered through the large, recent collection of clothes.  At least a quarter of them were in my purple and that made my distain at Cohen's comment wash away.  Wow, so much to wear…

"Gum-drop, please lay down." She pretended not to hear me as she leafed through her closet, and I opened the bottom drawer of her dresser, pulling out the little tub of wipes and a fresh pull-up before setting them down on her bed and putting my hand on her hip from behind. "Your body is conditioned this way, you probably can't even tell right now, but I know you wet in the car-ride home because I've spent the past six months of my life watching you. Please? If you're not wet, I won't have to change you. But just humor me? For your mom?"

"I can do it myself." But my protests went unheard as Cohen very gently led me from the closet and laid me down on the bed.  This had to be a joke… "I got it." But when I reached for the baggy blue scrubs I'd been given Cohen slapped my hands away.  Jeeze.  She took my pants down, showing the pull-up beneath it, and I looked at the ceiling with red cheeks.  This so wasn't happening.

"This was easier when you were a Zero, gum-drop. You were giddy when it was time for a change then. But I think that's just because you liked having my attention." I smiled and pulled the pull-up down, the weight in the plastic very much evidence that it was wet, as I'd suspected. I gently wiped her skin clean as I had multiple times a day in Phase Zero, and then slid the replacement up her legs. Simple. Easy. Routine. And she'd soon see that and her embarrassment would pass.

It was so difficult to look Cohen in the eye after she'd changed me.  Realistically, it shouldn't have been off-putting; after all, she'd seen me naked a hundred times.  But having me aware… it was so different.  I stood back up on my feet and Cohen took a Lottie-purple dress from the closet.  She took my top off - just a normal scrub shirt - and slipped the dress in place.  It had puffy sleeves over the shoulders and barely came down past my underwear.  Underwear - that's what I was going to call them.  I looked in the mirror with a heavy pout. "I look like I'm six." And I really needed to fix my hair.

"Might as well take between now and when school starts to enjoy looking like you're six, gum-drop. Once you're there and have friends, you won't be able to anymore." I smiled and began to brush through her hair, pursing my lips in thought. "I think we should re-dye your hair this week. What do you think?" Still, I'd managed to make her hair cute enough for now and I motioned her back to the mirror. "It'll do for now."

My hair was so much longer.  I'd need it cut soon, or at least styled.  But Cohen was right - it definitely needed to be dyed again, especially if I was going to pass as her daughter.  There were other things I noticed in the mirror, too; the same things I noticed the first time: the pale complexion, the bruising on my arms, the jittering of my finger tips.  This would be hard… "I guess.  I mean, it's like you said.  I won't be able to look six years old much longer…"
 

[Sophie ♥]

56. Forever.

"Come on, let's go downstairs - your Dad said something about some more welcome home gifts, right?" She smiled weakly and nodded, and I opened the door to her room, following behind her. She was such a doll, so beautiful and now she was mine. My daughter. No threats of being taken away. We even had all the paperwork to document it. It was all clear sailing now. It would take her a day or two to get back to her regular self, though, after what had happened.

The rest of the afternoon was spent opening gifts, though I had to find each one before I could open it.  Some were simple, like the purple train on my set downstairs, and some were harder, like the make up in my bathroom.  And by the time I'd wandered into the living room on a whim and found the Macbook on the sofa, Cohen and Emerson were more excited than I'd ever seen them.  On the other hand, with my lackluster thank-you's all morning, I couldn't bear it anymore.  That Macbook must cost so much money… "I don't think it's… a good idea you guys spend so much money on me…"

"Well, you were in that dreadful place over Christmas, and though I did bring you a rattle that you absolutely adored, we both thought you deserved a proper gift." I smiled, and so did Emerson; but Lottie just sat on the edge of the sofa and looked down at her hands, shaking her head slowly. "What's on your mind, child?" Emerson asked. I sat down next to her and took one of her hands in each of mine, squeezing reassuringly with a smile.

I didn't want to tell them.  They were clearly oblivious, despite what Doctor Waters had said, and I wanted to keep it that way.  But they couldn't do this - waste their money on me, dote over me, keep me safe and protected - just to have me pulled out from under them at the last moment.  They deserved to know.  They needed to be able to plan ahead… "I… um… I'm not… actually going to be here… very long…" They both looked at me with the most concern I'd ever seen on anyone's face my entire life.  They thought I'd leave again. "I don't mean it like that…. I meant… I… have leukemia.  And… it's terminal.  That's how… I was let out of the facility." And even then, telling my parents that I'd be dead in half a year, I didn't cry.  I wasn't even that sad.  What the hell was wrong with me?

"There's something we need to tell you, Lottie. Something that once we talk about it today, you mustn't tell to anybody else." She looked at me, her gaze shifting to Emerson for a moment, before looking back and nodded softly. "You… don't have leukemia. You're not dying." I smiled, squeezing her hand, but she just looked at me with a look of confusion on her face. "We had to get you out of there, and every week I'd rack my brain to try and think of the best way to get you discharged, without having to go through everything all over again. I had to wait until you were finished with Zero, but because I was your caretaker, I had a really good opportunity." It was something that we'd discussed at length this past year, any time Emerson and I were together, we'd talk about it, plan it, finalize the details. "So I gave you a shot of a drug called clozapine. In high enough doses, it mimics all the symptoms of leukemia. Lowered white blood cell count, lethargy, frailty, easy bruising and a few other indicators." She frowned a little, and I continued. "It's also why you're probably feeling really very… colorless. It'll all fade over the next few days, though."

"Colorless…?" I shook my head, looking from Cohen to Emerson.  I supposed that would explain the way I'd been feeling - the muted emotions.  But… that meant I wasn't dying.  And I'd been pardoned, so even if I didn't die, I was still… they'd broken me out.  I was completely speechless.  They had actually gotten me out of that place… "But… I… I don't get it… how did you…"

"I knew I could get the clozapine from work; we use it to keep animals calm after major surgical procedures, so that part was easy. But I also needed you to be taken to the hospital wing after Zero, so they'd discover the symptoms. The day the Doctor came to give you the counter to the drug they used to make you a Zero, I substituted the vial I drew from with one of the higher concentrate ones. It meant that you got too much, and you slipped into a coma for few days. He got fired for the wrong dosage and while all that was happening, I made sure you got the shot of clozapine. Symptoms manifested for leukemia, and they don’t have the experience of the equipment to figure out the truth.  So they filed your discharge." After describing it like that, I realized just how variables had lined up in my favor, how many pieces had just fallen place exactly the right way. And I couldn't help but be proud of myself.

"So… I'm not dying?" Cohen and Emerson both shook their heads, smiles painted widely on their faces. "And I'm… living here?  Until I grow up again?" It wasn't like I had a choice, now.  I was legally thirteen. "And… and you're my parents… and… and everything's… perfect?" Everything fell into place.  Everything worked out.  Everything really was perfect.  I had a birth certificate.  I had a new age.  I was safe.  I was with Cohen and Emerson… and I couldn't stop crying.  I was going to live, and it was going to be with them.  I wrapped my arms around Cohen and hugged her tight, squishing my Macbook between us in the process. "I love you both so much…"

"You're our daughter. And everything that happened before this day is irrelevant." There were other complications, of course; the fact she'd been born a boy would be something we'd bring up when things had settled down. But the fact of the matter was that she was free. In that single moment of fate a lifetime ago, she'd found a home and we'd found a child. And we'd all been freed from the things that had tortured us. "I love you, too, gum-drop." "And so do I." "And you're safe here." "Forever."
 

[Sophie ♥]

Epilogue.

After a week, the clozapine wore off and I was seeing the world in color again.  Unfortunately, with the color came my anxiety and my thumb sucking.  It wasn't as bad, though, and nearly nonexistent in public.  Cohen had ordered me a pacifier for home - one suitable for a teenager - and I used suckers when we went out, which I always kept in my bag.  I protested the pacifier for a long time, but the facts were clear that it helped.  

By the time school started that August, I'd been out of pull-ups in the daytime for a few weeks and I was confident to start high school all over again, but this time as Charlotte Tovia-Roux.  By then, I'd already met a few people around the neighborhood, but friends were another story.  I still wet the bed at night and sleepovers weren't a possibility, though I'd managed to procure students to talk to in each of my classes.  

Christmas vacation came and went and it was magical; it was the first holiday season I'd spent with my mom and dad and I had the luxury of meeting Cohen's parents, though I never called Cohen by her name anymore.  

We had a lot of conversations the following January about my fitting in at school; my parents had yet to meet any of my friends and, admittedly, it was because I didn't have many.  The second semester of that year I did my best to socialize, but my attempts fell flat.  I had always been something of a loner, and even throughout the facility certain characteristics stuck with me.  And what was more, I developed a crush.  I wasn't even sure a girl my age could have a crush, but I was fourteen now, and my old age was long forgotten.  

Mom and Dad wanted to throw me a birthday party the coming summer, but still, I had no one to invite.  I signed yearbooks at the end of my Freshman year, making sure to add my phone number to each and every one.  Still, no one called.  I told myself it didn't matter - I had my family, and above all else, they were the ones I really wanted to be around on my birthday.  

When June came to a close and the climate start to warm up, I found myself spending more and more time in the ice cream shop.  Nate would be a senior next year, and while he would never want to hang out with a girl as young as me, we'd talk a lot when he was working.  

And then one day, in early July, the night before the fireworks were scheduled, two girls walked into our parlor and ordered a single scoop.  I watched as they chose the same table Mom and I had sat in almost two years ago and shared a spoon, their hands in each other's.  Gosh, they made it look so easy.  

They wouldn't want to be my friend, I was sure, but Nate wasn't working and I couldn't get my mom's voice out of my head.  Every few minutes, I’d notice one looking over at me.  So I climbed up from the table by the counter, my ice cream in hand, and came close enough that they both looked up at me.  You're fine, I reminded myself.  You’re safe. "Hi.  I'm Lottie."

End.

-------

Thank you so much for reading!  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  And be sure to read the other stories in Project Calibeen, located on the first post in this thread!  

[CDfm]

Oh my you guys are killing me here! My life is literally falling apart. I was forced to work but still picked up my phone at every possible moment I could and then once home I skipped sleep just to be able to read this story. You two are so impressive I can’t begin to tell you how amazing your stories are. I just loved this story to. As I was reading it I just knew Lottie was going to end up back at the facility. The anguish I was feeling knowing what was to come was real and actually caused me to loose my appetite. I almost cried when Emerson failed to convince the headmistress to release Charlotte and my fears were real when I thought of Cohen going to work there. I was certain she would end up being committed there as well. Then we finally learned that Charlotte was going to be going home. I knew then that as a Vet Cohen was able to do something to mask the symptoms of  leukemia. That was one of the few things I had right. Even the setting of the story amazed me. You see I am very familiar with that part of the country. My Grandparents are actually burried in Aberdeen I grew up working my summers on their farm just west of Aberdeen. The one thing that threw me off a bit was the forests. There are patches of trees (Planted by settlers who were given more land if they planted on the land they were initially given) but that entire area is rolling hills of farm land still crossed with mostly dirt roads. I tried giving you two likes for this but it wouldn’t let me. Still you have to know I loved it. You guys make my day for sure. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pudding]

1 hour ago, CDfm said:

Oh my you guys are killing me here! My life is literally falling apart. I was forced to work but still picked up my phone at every possible moment I could and then once home I skipped sleep just to be able to read this story. You two are so impressive I can’t begin to tell you how amazing your stories are. I just loved this story to. As I was reading it I just knew Lottie was going to end up back at the facility. The anguish I was feeling knowing what was to come was real and actually caused me to loose my appetite. I almost cried when Emerson failed to convince the headmistress to release Charlotte and my fears were real when I thought of Cohen going to work there. I was certain she would end up being committed there as well. Then we finally learned that Charlotte was going to be going home. I knew then that as a Vet Cohen was able to do something to mask the symptoms of  leukemia. That was one of the few things I had right. Even the setting of the story amazed me. You see I am very familiar with that part of the country. My Grandparents are actually burried in Aberdeen I grew up working my summers on their farm just west of Aberdeen. The one thing that threw me off a bit was the forests. There are patches of trees (Planted by settlers who were given more land if they planted on the land they were initially given) but that entire area is rolling hills of farm land still crossed with mostly dirt roads. I tried giving you two likes for this but it wouldn’t let me. Still you have to know I loved it. You guys make my day for sure. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for the detailed review and I am so glad we were able to reach out and touch your heart like that! Lottie has always been such a close to my heart story and I'm so happy that you loved it so much

[Sophie ♥]

@CDfm - Thank you so much for the review!   To be honest, we didn't really know a lot about the land up there.  We've never been to the Dakotas, so we were just sort of guessing?  Where we live, there's a lot of woods and stuff, even if it's few and far between.  And we decided that Mt. Calibeen would be constructed somewhere mostly hidden by the environment. (A lot of it is underground!) Thank you for the insight though!  Puddin and I should be more careful in the future about locations in stories. *nods* 

[YourFNF]

On 3/6/2018 at 11:42 AM, Sophie ♥ said:

Project Calibeen is a trilogy of stories - Audrey & Staycee, Lottie, and Velvet - that follow the events of a correctional reformatory, intent on making the worst people into the best.  In as little as a year, patients leave the institution with a 0% reoffender rate.  But how do they do it?  These stories can be read in any order.

Audrey & Staycee
Velvet

Lottie is a side-story to Audrey & Staycee that has less to do with the Calibeen institution itself and more to do with the people it creates.  To follow along from Lottie's perspective, read A&S first.  But if you want to enjoy the curious nature of this young girl and take the perspective of Cohen and Emerson, read Lottie before A&S!  While A&S is a hardcore diaper story, Lottie is a gentle little story.  Though there are ABDL elements, the strength of the story comes from the honest familial love between the characters.

I'm going to be posting this one casually over the next few weeks.  But the entire story is available on our Patreon in PDF and ePub format. Please consider supporting us!  

~Sophie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lottie
by: Sophie & Pudding

1. Hello.

I

Some body besides A&S escaped wow! I'm not sure even with all my aggro survivalist bluster I could have done that! This girl is more than she appears to be.

 

 

On 3/7/2018 at 12:04 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

2. Thank you for this.

 

 

This couple seems really nice. I wonder how there going to react on finding out the truth.

 

On 3/12/2018 at 2:27 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

3. You know the story.
 

 

I don't feel good about this lie but given what a nightmare hellscape Caliban is..... I would have done the same thing

 

On 3/12/2018 at 4:20 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

4. A few days.

I shook my head and crawled under the covers.  I felt so stupid for crying. "Thank you… Emerson…" He pulled the blanket up over me and that was all I remembered.  He could've stayed in the room the whole night for all I knew because I never heard the door open, but when I opened my eyes late that afternoon, the sun streaming through the cracks in the blinds, Emerson was gone.  And that was fine, but there was something that wasn't.  The warm dampness between my legs didn't strike me as odd, and I felt my stomach turn.  I quickly climbed out of bed, pulling back the blankets.  The bedsheets, as well as Cohen's pajamas, were soaked through.  No, no, no, no, no, no…
 

Ah I was wondering when the conditioning was gonna rear it's head

 

 

On 3/13/2018 at 1:45 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

5. I’m sorry.

"…well, she wet the bed this morning. And she's been sucking her thumb… uh huh…" The afternoon had gone pretty soundly; I'd gotten the mattress cleaned up and tidied things before Emerson got home and he and Lottie were in the living room talking about movies. They got along really well, which made me glad. Meanwhile, I'd taken to the den to speak to Alex Ornette; a friend of mine from med school who'd gone into clinical psychology. And after an hour on the phone with her, I felt a little more reassured as to what we were going to do. Post Traumatic Stress. Regression. It made some level of sense, and it meant that last night's accident probably wouldn't be the last. "I'm going down into town to get a few things. I'll bring back Chinese for dinner, okay?" I smiled at my husband and our guest in the living room before waving and wandering out to the car. A mattress protector would be the first thing I'd have to buy.
 

 

 

On 3/18/2018 at 3:49 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

7. Why nail polish?-9

Just wow, I'm amazed at how calmly these two are taking it

 

On 3/20/2018 at 1:01 PM, ELLIE52 said:

Ummm....  so I finished reading the download.  I had moments of intense hate for Calibeen.  I may discuss them later as the chapters reveal themselves.  All in all this is a very good story.  I hope some others will read and comment.  Thanks!

 

 

(nods) Just about everyone involved with that place should be facing a Hague Tribunal for crimes against humanity.

 

On 3/21/2018 at 2:50 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

12. Red.
 

 

I'm so impressed with this couple and how there handling this.

 

On 3/23/2018 at 7:43 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

13. I don’t know.

 

I mean there not exactly wrong with the assault angle. Using force on a prisoner without provocation is ethically dubious at best. Also these two continue to be so wonderfully sweet. It's going to be bad when the secret gets out.

 

On 3/25/2018 at 10:30 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

14. That’s my color.
 

 

It's a much lighter shade than I expected.

On 3/27/2018 at 3:34 AM, Sophie ♥ said:

15. Someone else.

This is such an emotional roller coaster. I can't imagine how you justify something like Caliban.

 

On 3/27/2018 at 4:24 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

16. Don’t tell them.

Ohh crap it just got real

 

On 3/28/2018 at 1:02 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

17. I’m a bad person.

 

Ooff and there's the gut punch

 

On 4/2/2018 at 1:44 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

18. We’ll try it.

 

I feel kind of sad the Lottie is going to have to sacrifice six years of her life. But I suppose that's the price of redemption.

 

On 4/2/2018 at 2:41 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

19. I’m your daughter.

 

This feels so bitter sweet I feel the love but also the pain of everything Lottie is giving up. Five years of your life gone. I think this is hitting close because of how much my own mortality scares me if that makes any sense?

@Sophie ♥

 

On 4/2/2018 at 4:24 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

20. This is weird.

My world came tumbling down at the sound of the door closing.  I knew he'd left.  That Cohen hadn't succeeded in selling me to him.  Or maybe I just wasn't wanted.  I didn't know.  And that's when I realized how stupid this fantasy was.  I'm not a little kid, I'm twenty.  These aren't my parents - they're harborers.  I shook my head and climbed up off the couch.  Cohen would be in soon to tell me the news, but I already knew.  And I really didn't want to hear it from her.  So I left through the back door - a glass double door in the living room - and closed it behind me.  If I'd have stayed and said goodbye, she would've convinced me to stay, she would've convinced me we could make it work.  But we couldn't - it was too far out of reach.  So I left the house behind, money and purple dress and hex code reader, and ventured again into the forest.
 

 

 

On 4/3/2018 at 12:55 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

21. I hope you forgive me.

"A very good dream." I curled up in bed and put my head down on the pillow.  Cohen kissed my forehead and I smiled. "Goodnight.  Mom." The word sounded forced, but it was a start.  Eventually, it would become a norm, and Cohen would become the strange thing to say.  I should've thought this whole situation odd - I know I did before - but with having left this blissful utopia for the unforgiving wilderness yet again, I realized exactly what a blessing I was offered.  And as weird as it was, it was still something I should cherish.
 

 

Oh God Sophie why you got to do this to my heart? I'm so fragile

I just keep expecting this all to come crashing down. I'm so worried about all this. I shudder to think of whatever "Shadow Council", Hydra'esque organization is behind Caliban will do this couple in retaliation. I think I'm going to need Beta-blockers after this.

@Sophie ♥

/////

On 4/4/2018 at 10:36 AM, Sophie ♥ said:

24. Naps.e, please try and accept her. We're all she has." He didn't answer, but I could see he was thoughtful. "Is she going with you tonight?" "She is." I just wished he could see the beauty in Lottie's eyes, the innocence and love that I'd seen. He would, though; in time. He had to, because I was never getting pregnant.
 

Oooff, so heavy

 

 

Up to Ch. 26 So many feels

 

On 4/9/2018 at 2:09 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

30. I hope he likes me.
 

 

I think Cohen will make a great mom... She's so compassionate and empathetic.  Although she could use some education on trans issues. Not really her fault considering where she grew up.

 

You know I just realized I think I really relate to Lottie on wondering if I'm worthy of Love and if I can return the other persons feelings

 

On 4/9/2018 at 3:32 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

32. It’s strange.
 

First time I went bra shopping was actually a year or two ago with a friend   @Sophie ♥

 

On 4/10/2018 at 1:02 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

34. She never said goodbye.

I'm really scared of what Calibeen will do to silence Cohen now that she knows.

On 4/10/2018 at 2:09 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

36. Exactly the same.
 

Interesting I wonder if Lottie is agender? Although it's more likely they just never thought of it. I know that in some cases Trauma can effect experience of gender.

Yeah expecting to assist with surgery may have been a bit much.

 

On 4/11/2018 at 11:35 AM, Sophie ♥ said:

40. It was rude.
 

Honestly not surprised even pullups are too much after Calibeen.

@Sophie ♥

[YourFNF]

On 4/11/2018 at 12:14 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

"Um… no, not really." I wasn't sure what was wrong with me.  Everything had been looking up.  Emerson had been so kind to me lately.  I told Cohen my story and she accepted me.  So why was I focusing on the negatives?  Why couldn't I shake the idea of Emerson finding out I wet the bed or Cohen getting upset with my secrets?  Or what if one day they just got bored, or playing parent wasn't fun anymore, and they turned me in?  I felt my stomach sink.  Trusting other people with my fate was… naive.  I slipped my thumb in my mouth to quiet my breathing.

@Sophie ♥  Holy shit this me.  So why was I focusing on the negatives? Owww super close to home.

 

"Just be careful, Emerson. She killed a man."

Honestly if it was one of the Calibeen guards it was justified.

Anyone working at that facility of there own free will and not trying to sabotage it is guilty of crimes against humanity.

 

How? How did you get inside my head?

"I'm… always going to be afraid, aren't I?" It was the truth of the matter, and it was why I couldn't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

[YourFNF]

On 4/11/2018 at 12:40 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

42. I’m going back.
 

I think my brain just blue screened for a second @Sophie ♥ So no witty comment

[YourFNF]

On 4/11/2018 at 1:08 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

43. I’m so scared. aid. "It's late… maybe we should make dinner for when Mom wakes up?"
 

Woah So much dropped! How are they going to move forward?

[YourFNF]

On 4/11/2018 at 3:42 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

48. I’ll be back soon.he blinds outside. "I'm… gonna go…"

"It doesn't have to be this way, gum-drop!" I didn't realize how hysterically I was crying as I wrapped my arms around her body. At some point Emerson opened the front door, and I'd later have a recollection that he tried to argue with them, to cover things up and the police would eventually tell him to step out of the way. And when they came upstairs, when they peeled me off my daughter and pulled her away from me, she didn't say a word. She looked away and kept her eyes on her feet as I sobbed and screamed. She was my little girl. She was mine. Emerson shouted after them, his own composure broken; one of the officers having to hold him back against the wall as we both watched our child taken away.
 

Oh fuck... Lottie... I accidentally saw a bit of fifty one and was afraid of this @Sophie ♥

[Pudding]

<3 <3 <3 

Lottie did nothing wrong!

[YourFNF]

8 hours ago, Pudding said:

<3 <3 <3 

Lottie did nothing wrong!

Nobody deserves Calibeen *nods*

[YourFNF]

On 4/20/2018 at 12:34 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

50. Please.

The doctor prepared a large needle and smiled, looking down at the girl as one of the orderlies pulled up her sleeve. "Don't fret, Lottie. Soon you won't want anything. You'll be content to lay in your crib and play with your toes, and not even the putrid smell of your shit-filled diaper will concern you." Clearly the words of a man who'd been made to change one too many adult diapers in his time. He lined the needle up to her arm and pushed, piercing the skin and resting his thumb on the plunger. "Sweet dreams."
 

Ooof. Strangely not feeling as much as I thought I think my brain just noped out either that or the tired @Sophie ♥

On 4/20/2018 at 1:32 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

Intermission: Part 1

"Justice William Brennan wrote, with regards to cruel and unusual punishment that: 'The function of these principles, after all, is simply to provide means by which a court can determine whether a challenged punishment comports with human dignity.'" I paused for a moment before looking at the orderlies, and then at my wife, before turning my gaze back to the Headmistress. "Taken to the Supreme Court, are you willing to justify and defend yourself that your methods - which include procedures tantamount to irreversible body mutilation and psychological abuse, are not an affront to human dignity?" Cohen chimed in, "Let us have her. Let us have Lottie. And you'll never hear from us again."

The husband was smart, and that was annoying.  The wife, on the other hand, was incredibly easy.  And while she didn't want to fan one while snuffing the other, it seemed like that was her only choice.  The wife was clearly the weak chain in their link, and that the Headmistress could use. "Okay.  You can have Lottie on the condition she agrees to go with you." Realistically, she had no way how to get around the paperwork to allow that to happen, but just as equally, she knew for a fact that Lottie wouldn't recognize either of the parents. "You two.  Bring Lottie to room 104 please."
 

I say take the fuckers to court and crucify them. I want to see these bastards in front of a Hauge tribunal. crap are my eyes getting watery?

[YourFNF]

On 4/20/2018 at 3:50 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

Intermission: Part 3

"I'll draw up the papers." The Headmistress was so pleased.  The standard stipulation in the contracts for all employees was that if they went against the facility's best interests in any way, they'd be admitted.  If Lottie wouldn't keep Mr. Tovia-Roux in line, his wife certainly would. "Lottie, would you like to come with us?" She looked blankly at Cohen, her eyes still red from the tears.  She hadn't expected an answer.

I lifted the girl up in my arms; as far as the look in her eyes indicated, she had no memory of who I was, no recollection. But she cuddled up to me all the same, almost subconsciously. I could feel the plastic of her diaper and the disconcerting warmth that made it clear she'd wet it, but I put those thoughts aside as I made my way toward the door. Cohen was gnawing on the knuckle of her index finger - and the last time I'd seen her doing that was the breakdown she'd had during her finals at school. She wasn't coping. I wasn't sure that I was, either.
 

COHEN NO!!!! Also there's no way that would fucking hold up. You can't jail someone for a civil beach of contract! @Sophie ♥

On 4/20/2018 at 4:15 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

51. Maybe I’m still sleepy.

"I'm going to have Dr. Waters come in to see you in a moment. She's a very lovely young woman." She smiled and left the room, leaving the girl on her own. It was heartbreaking to think about somebody so young - but it was always someone young when it came to this. "Dr. Waters, Miss Tovia-Roux is awake, here's her chart and questionnaire." "I don't suppose she gave us any reason for hope?" Jillian shook her head sadly and looked at the chart. "I'm afraid it looks like your diagnosis was correct, doctor. She's also asking after her parents." The doctor nodded and went down the chart, shaking her head. "She'll get to be with them soon, for whatever that's worth. I'm going to file her terminal discharge papers once I've spoken to her. Please have them prepared." "Of course, doctor." She smiled and the two went their separate ways, Dr. Waters making her way to the girl in the bed.
 

This seems ominous.... I could really use booze right now

On 4/20/2018 at 4:47 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

 And I still felt the same level of sadness as someone taking my ice cream cone away.  I didn't understand… I didn't want to die.
  

Oof direct hit

[YourFNF]

On 4/20/2018 at 10:37 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

55. I won’t be able to.

My hair was so much longer.  I'd need it cut soon, or at least styled.  But Cohen was right - it definitely needed to be dyed again, especially if I was going to pass as her daughter.  There were other things I noticed in the mirror, too; the same things I noticed the first time: the pale complexion, the bruising on my arms, the jittering of my finger tips.  This would be hard… "I guess.  I mean, it's like you said.  I won't be able to look six years old much longer…"
 

Gods this would probably be my luck find something like this just to get cancer......

On 4/20/2018 at 10:59 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

56. Forever.

"You're our daughter. And everything that happened before this day is irrelevant." There were other complications, of course; the fact she'd been born a boy would be something we'd bring up when things had settled down. But the fact of the matter was that she was free. In that single moment of fate a lifetime ago, she'd found a home and we'd found a child. And we'd all been freed from the things that had tortured us. "I love you, too, gum-drop." "And so do I." "And you're safe here." "Forever."
 

Sophie you magnificent bastard!!! *picks you up and spins* don't do that to me again!