Audrey & Staycee - A Calibeen Story

[Sophie ♥]

The Calibeen saga is a series of stories - Audrey & Staycee, Lottie, and Velvet - that follow the events of a correctional reformatory, intent on making the worst people into the best.  In as little as a year, patients leave the institution with a 0% reoffender rate.  But how do they do it?  These stories can be read in any order.

Lottie
Velvet

Audrey & Staycee was one of our first stories together, and it's widely considered our best work.  It delves into the structure of the Calibeen institution and everything that goes on there.  Pudding is always so imaginative and extreme, but A&S really showcases her ability at world building.  And I did a pretty good job with the plot: mysterious, dark, intense, and includes a LOT of diapers!  A&S is an all-in-one package for a hardcore diaper story, and we really hope you give it a look!

To adhere to DD's story regulations about underage characters and sexual situations, this version of A&S is censored a little bit.  There's a few flashbacks wherein a main character is only sixteen.  As writers, Pudding and I know "sex" and "sixteen" pretty much go hand in hand, but we understand and agree with DD's decision to distance underage and ABDL content.  Our story integrity is not above the integrity of the community.  For this thread, we worked hard to remove the offending scenes while still preserving the complicated themes in play.  Any time we censored content, you'll see "~~~CUT~~~".  Filling in the blanks isn't that hard.  But if you are curious nonetheless...

A complete, uncensored version of the entire story can be found HERE!

Thanks everyone for your constant support.  Leave comments!  

~Sophie

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AUDREY & STAYCEE
by: Sophie & Pudding

PHASE THREE

Part I: The First Day

These rooms were so much more… me.  No brightly colored walls, no wallpaper, no white furniture.  Just a beautifully decorated room with a light blue accent wall - a bit lighter than my color - and adorned with furniture complimenting the white painted wooden canopy bed.  I knew I'd be sharing it, but it was still so spacious - at least twice the size of my room as a Second!  I peeked into the closet, finding two sets of clothing - my blue and someone else's yellow.  I fiddled with the drawers, looking through the makeup and nail polishes, of hair bows instead of ribbons, barrettes, and so many beautiful things.  I was so eager.  Phase Three would be so much better than One and Two - no diapers, no babysitting.  I was finally grown up, on my way to a better life.  I wasn't sure when my conditioning would start, but I was eager to purge myself of some of the more annoying habits, like how I still sucked my thumb.  But my thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and a beautiful auburn-haired girl walking in.  I quickly climbed off the bed, bouncing over to meet her.  She was a few inches taller than me, but it wasn't uncommon - I was always a short boy. "Hi, I'm Audrey.  I guess we're roommates."

"Uhhuh." I flopped down in the canopy bed, eyes taking in the bedroom in awe with a wide smile. This was so much lovelier than being a Second! I expected it would be, though. I mean. As Seconds we shared the same rooms we had as Firsts, we just got to be in charge. Adelaide had been a wonderful First; she'd actually been eager for the process and had ranked first in her group to graduate, which had left me without a First for much of my time as a Second. But I was okay with it!  It just gave me more time to focus on being the best. I liked to be the best. I was a very competitive person. "I'm Staycee. Whatcha in for?" Firsts mostly didn't talk about what they'd done; probably out of shame - I was that way, anyway. Something about the time I'd spent with Adelaide just really opened my eyes, though; no matter what happened now, I'd never be that person, never be capable of those things ever again. So why be ashamed? Retelling the stories now were just… well… stories. I was a good girl, now.  We all were. The girl - Audrey? - she was absolutely darling, a big smile and hopeful, optimistic eyes; I couldn't work out if she'd had any adjustments in Second beyond the Softening - she didn't have the telltale needle pricks by her ears, though, so I had to figure it was just natural beauty. And that made me smile.

"I robbed a bank." It was my standard tell-tale lie.  I didn't want to lie to Staycee, but I also didn't want to get into it - it just made me sad and it was supposed to be a happy day. "Or tried to rob it, anyway… if I'd robbed it, I wouldn't be here." I liked Staycee.  She was… something else.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was almost like she loved this place.  No one loved this place - not unless they made you a Zero first, and I still believed that was a myth.

"That's really cool! Did you wear a stocking over your head and carry a sack with a dollar sign on it? Where do you get those, anyway? Is there a bank-robbing supply store?" I flashed a cheeky smile and pulled her hand into mine. "I like to hold hands. You'll have to get used to that. Adelaide - she was my First - and I pretty much never let go. The Headmistress says its a side effect of detachment in my life before, iono though. Maybe." My time here was a little different to the others; it seemed like I was seeing the Headmistress significantly more; she'd check on me, ask about my progress, deliver my rewards personally - I thought that was normal until Francesca (one of the other Seconds) told me she hadn't even seen the Headmistress outside of her color ceremony. Speaking of which. "Nice color, girl. Wow. That's gotta be the prettiest blue I've ever seen."

I nodded happily, fiddling with the hem of my dress.  It really was beautiful. "I didn't pick it.  I mean, my Second was always a "be your own person" kind of girl.  So she'd dress me in tons of colors.  And when I went to my ceremony, I had no idea what I wanted.  But the Headmistress just gave me this one.  And I love it, I really do.  Strange I'd like a blue… I like your yellow, though.  It's sunny." Sun.  I was almost sure I'd forgotten what the actual sun looked like.  Still, Staycee could serve as my pseudo-sun until I got out of this place.

I gave a sideways look and smiled curiously. "You know that's exactly what happened with me, too? My Second told me she hated it as a name, but she was naming me Staycee nonetheless. And spelling it weird, too. Es-Tee-Ay-Why-See-Ee-Ee. See? And then she didn't have any influence on my color, either; the Headmistress assigned me my yellow though and it just felt so right. Like getting a dress you always wanted for Christmas, and having it fit amazingly. Except, well, I don't know what that's like. But it's how I imagine that to be like." I sat up on the edge of the bed and took another closer look at Audrey, smiling contently. "You're easily the prettiest girl here. I'm glad we're roomies."

"Uhhuh." So maybe I wasn't as special as I thought… it was probably a common thing, now that I thought about it.  Not every Second would have such an attachment to color the way I did - I meticulously planned the color of my First.  And I guess everyone else just got a random color they'd love.  How did we love it, anyway?  Was it profiling, or did they add that in Hypno as well?  This facility always made me feel cold whenever I'd think about it in such terms, and goosebumps would rise on my arms.  Two more Phases, and I could leave for good.  As a new person. "I don't suppose you know what we're supposed to do, now?" Firsts were always orchestrated by Seconds, and Seconds remembered how they were orchestrated by their Seconds.  But this was Staycee's and my first day in the Phase Three wing, and we had no idea what we were doing.

One of the big differences we were privy to as Thirds; one I'd noticed when I came in, in-fact, was the presence of the little digital clock on the bedside table. "I don't know for sure, but I do know it's fifteen minutes before meal time and I bet nobody else has considered that. Come on, let's get dressed and find the lunch hall." It was something that the Headmistress had told me with that smile of hers that always seemed to have something just beneath the surface of it; like her words had seventeen different meanings if only I'd listen - she told me that I had control over who I was as a Third. And I think that meant something. "We have control. As Thirds. Over who we are and who we become, whether we become cute little geeky introverts or social butterflies, whether we accept being average or strive to be the best. Whatever we aim for, they'll help with - if we wanna be the best, they'll help us be the best." I picked a blue pleated skirt and a pretty buttoned blouse off the hanger and handed them both to Audrey. "So let's be the best."

I nodded my head, taking the two pieces of clothing from Staycee with small concerns.  I didn't really care about being the best, but I didn't like being punished, either.  I remembered when I was a First how tragic my life was when I misbehaved, even in the slightest.  If getting to the lunch room first meant I wouldn't get in trouble, then I was all for it.  But still, the outfit in my hand held another concern.  Two pieces… I'd never worn a two piece anything.  Dresses, nighties, all that from One and Two were a single piece of clothing.  They probably go on just like boy clothes, Audrey. "Um… can you turn around?  So I can change, I mean."

"Really?" I smiled and shook my head, my hand slipping into the girl’s and squeezing it. "You've showered in front of other people, had your diaper changed repeatedly, been dressed and undressed and probably spanked publicly. You've had the Softening, had your physical at the end of Second - how're you still shy?" I laid the clothes down on the bed and motioned to the girl, my sparkling blue eyes shining with happiness. "Come on, off with your clothes. I'll dress you myself." Though my tone was firm and certain, there was also a particular playful affection to it. Like we were already best friends.

My cheeks lit up and I looked down at my feet shyly. "It's… different." I wasn't sure how it was different, but it certainly felt it.  I was a girl now - it was something I'd come to accept in Phase Two.  I conquered my fears of change, and this was the new me.  I didn't mind that I couldn't be Colin anymore, I really didn't.  But shame was still an evident factor, even as a girl.  And part of being a girl meant not having a penis, and thusly, I found it to be a big part of my shame.  Since talk of Phase Three and independence, I'd already decided not to let another soul see me naked.  I was a girl damnit, and I wasn't going to let anyone think otherwise. "I can change, Staycee.  Just pleeeeease turn around..?" Was I asking?

"And what if I want to see you change? I'll let you see me change." I would have anyway - the facility encouraged openness especially within pairs and while I didn't know how it worked for Thirds, I was willing to bet it was something still rewarded. But I wanted her to be comfortable around me; it was known even as Seconds that Thirds had the longest program. I didn't want things to be weird and awkward between us. "You know when I was a boy, I'd never change in front of anybody. I was just never comfortable with my body. Most boys aren't, anyway. But I wanna be the kind of girl who can change in front of her friends, the kind of girl who isn't ashamed of her body. Don't you, too? You're already the prettiest girl here; the only thing that could make you more gorgeous is the confidence to know it and show it."

I wasn't the prettiest girl - firstly, I paled in comparison to Staycee - and I certainly wasn't going to try to pretend I was.  I was nice looking, I knew that, but all the Seconds had been by the time we left Phase Two.  I was just another girl. "I just… I don't like people seeing me in my underwear, alright?" It was one of the drawbacks of panties - they showed everything.  I remembered my first week in them, back as a Second, and how I actually missed diapers.  I was always so confident around my First when I had my nighttime diaper on, but I'd never let her see me in underwear, even if they were padded.

"Ohhh…" I smiled in realization and in one smooth motion I lifted Audrey's dress off and tossed it on the bed, leaving her topless and just in her pretty blue panties. "Okay. Audrey. Come here." She was skittish and shy and reluctant as I pulled her over to the mirror and stood her before it; I knew what she was conscious of and I was determined to show her the truth. "You're a girl here." I motioned to her head. "And here." And then to her heart. "These things make you a girl. A head full of compassion and a heart full of love. Nothing else matters. Some girls have small boobs, some have big. Some have wide hips, and some narrow. Some have long hair, some short, some have button noses and some don't. Some of us like yellow and some of us like blue, and I'm sure some people like those other colors, too. And you know what? Some girls?" I put my hand on the front of her panties - it was a bold move and probably not something she was ready for, but I also wanted to show her how normalized these things were. "Some girls have an outie and some girls have an innie. But we're all girls. A head full of compassion and a heart full of love. That's it. Now look. And tell me what you see?" I motioned to the mirror.

Discomfort.  That's what I saw.  A very, very uncomfortable girl.  I turned away from the mirror, my cheeks on fire, hurrying over to the bed and fiddling with the Audrey-blue skirt.  I very quickly pulled it up my legs, covering my blue cupcake panties, and zipped it into place around my waist.  So much for the ‘no one will see you in your underwear’ plan.  Staycee looked a little upset with my reaction, so I turned away from her shyly and slid the blouse over my arms, buttoning it up over my budding breasts.

"You're never going to be happy with yourself until you understand that simple truth, Audrey. But you'll get it, I know you will. You're a smart girl. Wanna know a tip until then?" I was already in front of the closet, picking out my own clothes as I spoke. She was cute. Really cute. But she didn't get it; she didn't get what I'd got in my first week as a Second. She didn't get that they didn't make you a girl here - you did. And if you didn't accept it, if you relied only on what they gave you… you could never be happy. I'd help her, though. I slipped into a pair of tight yellow shorts and smiled. "Trust me."

Trust her?  The girl who just stripped me when I'd said no?  Yeah - really the one to trust… ugh, this was going to be a really long Phase.  I finished dressing myself, deciding against using hair ties despite my interest out of fear of getting in trouble - I didn't know the rules yet.  Staycee, conversely, put her up in a ponytail without a second thought.  I bit my lip, shaking my head.  Not worth the trouble.  I still looked strange in the mirror, though, and it took me a long time to figure out skirts aren't supposed to sit at your waist, but on your hips.  I hiked it up a bit and smiled pleasantly at myself in the mirror.  A proper schoolgirl.

"You'll be marked down for hair, and for not wearing lipgloss - look?" I motioned to the vanity where there was a veritable array of glosses. They obviously expected us to wear it as Thirds. "Here." I pulled two hair ties off the vanity and took the brush, motioning to the bed. "I think you'll look really cute in pigtails, and they gave us hair stuff so it's expected of us. Come on, we've only got a few minutes." I motioned to the bed, and also scooped up a cherry lemonade lipgloss off the vanity as I made my way over.

I bit my lip and shook my head. "We can just wait for orientation.  We won't get in trouble if we didn't know!  And if we weren't supposed to touch it yet, we might get in trouble anyway… it's safer not to, Staycee." She'd already undressed me today - I wasn't about to let her get me in trouble, too.  So I moved away from her and the bed to the door, standing in the open doorway. "Are you coming or not?"

We got to the mess hall a few moments following and I smiled in delight as we sat down at the table ~ a very different sort of table to the previous phases; more like a school cafeteria now. The Headmistress smiled from the podium at the end of the room and it was no secret why ~ we were here first. I reached my hand underneath the table and squeezed Audrey's excitedly. "Here she comes. Smile."

The Headmistress and I knew each other quite well.  Beyond her giving me my color on my second day, she personally oversaw most of the changes in my career at the institution, like my punishments and my Phase changes, and often would casually give me ideas on ways to improve.  I didn't like her - she was, after all, the person who kept me prisoner - but I didn't hate her, either.  It was hard to hate a woman who never broke the rules.  I knew what was expected of me, and all she wanted was for me to be good.  I learned that early on.  I gave her a kind smile as she approached, walking through the lunchroom style tables and joining us across the table, standing behind the other bench. "Hello, Headmistress."

"Staycee, as predicted you've excelled on presentation, punctuality and ~ as a wonderful bonus ~ you're already sitting in Third Standard style. Well done." The smile she gave me, the praise and that warmest of glows that went along with it... it was worth every bit of meticulous detail.  She turned to Audrey next and pursed her lips. "Oh child, I had higher hopes of you. Untidy hair, no lipgloss and sitting like a First in a full diaper. You will do better, wont you? For me?"

"I… uh… yeah… yes, Headmistress…" She walked away and I felt my whole body sulk into the table.  I put my arms down and rested my head on them, looking away from my roommate.  Like a first in a… oh!  I very quickly closed my legs and bit my lip.  How was Staycee sitting?  I wanted to look, but that would let her know I was copying her.  I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of being right.

"Knees together, ankles apart. Like a child, see?" I leaned back and motioned beneath the table ~ Audrey had been marked down and I figured by the way she snapped her legs shut that she was trying to improve. "It's okay, you know.  We're here to learn and that means little mistakes. They'll never punish you if it's an actually mistake. Just if you knew better and still screwed up." More girls were starting to file in, sheepish and apprehensive ~ the speech would begin soon.

"I don't need your help.  I'm fine.  And what do I care if the Headmistress didn't think I sat perfectly?  Doesn't matter to me…" Though, through my time here, I was smart enough to know that it did matter.  I was never trying to impress the woman, but there was a distinct correlation with my screw-ups and my punishments.  It was best to keep the woman happy.  So I slid my ankles apart just  a little, my knees still together, slowly in hopes Staycee wouldn't take notice.  I still wasn't looking at her - I had my attention focused on the Headmistress at the podium and the other girls filing in.

"Girls. Please take your seats ~ I know you're all hungry and anxious to begin your new Phase, and the sooner we get done here the sooner your new lives begin." A quiet swept over the room and the Headmistress begun. "Welcome. All of you. To even make it to Phase Three is such a triumph in and of itself. You've faced trials and hardships, learned how to adapt and survive. And you've all become such wonderful young girls. But there are many challenges ahead, many struggles still. Like wavering saplings reaching gingerly for the sun, your life now is what you make it. Your graduation depends on you. Your attitude. Your dedication. Your desire to be someone to be proud of.  You will be scored and rated on every aspect of your life from now until the end of Phase Three. Every. Single. Piece. Will decide who you become, and how soon. And each day, an example will be made of she who wishes not to excel. A reminder to always be your best.”

That got my attention and I quickly sat up at the table.  There were three other girls on the other side of our table, across from Staycee and me, and all of them were looking at the Headmistress with equal attentiveness.  Actually… there were a lot of girls.  At least fifty.  That was five times the Seconds we had in our wing.  I shook my head and looked over at Staycee, whispering as not to disturb the Headmistresses' speech. "So we can leave early if we're good?" Less time in Phase Three just for being cooperative?

"It's not quiet like that." I didn't want to be caught talking with the Headmistress at the podium, but I also wanted to answer the question. So I talked. Very, very quietly. "You get… scored. Like she said. And those with good scores graduate earlier. They never tell you what your score is, so you gotta always be at your best. Always." The Headmistress left the podium now and the chatter began around us, carts being wheeled in with platters of food. Real food. Ish. One had a pile of cheeseburgers!

I very quickly grabbed for a plate of chicken, putting some onto the plastic plate in front of me, again in my blue.  Oh, real food!  As a Second, I got to eat things beyond the milky baby bottle from my first phase, but it was always the same five things.  Chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, tatter tots, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and SpaghettiOs.  We'd always get one fruit alongside each course, and we'd always get a cookie once a week.  It grew tedious very quickly.  I grabbed a burger, next, and then a brownie off a tray at the end.  I looked around the lunchroom at the other tables - all with different food.  Was I allowed to get up?  Better be safe…

"You'll be scored on your figure." I took one solitary burger and a handful of carrot sticks and apple slices from the neglected plate in the center of the table. "They give you all the means to indulge, but it's one of the things they measure on. So pace yourself." Looking at the variety of foods available to my poor tortured-by-boredom palette, I thanked whatever powers that may be for the fact I'd discovered that little piece of truth in advance. And even though I had, holding back the urge to gorge myself was… exhausting. One burger. Lots of veggies and fruit.

I rolled my eyes and dove into the chicken first, eating hungrily.  Oh, and it was so well prepared.  It was strange having the cafeteria of fifty people so quiet - just the sounds of cutting and chewing.  I guessed social elements weren't really as important as food.  I sipped the glass of chocolate milk - CHOCOLATE MILK! - and smiled happily, my head in my arms again. "Such a good meal… I like Phase Three a lot."

Audrey made it abundantly clear just how little my advice meant to her, but I resolved to stay strong. Someone had helped me, before. And now I wanted to help someone, too; Audrey fit the bill. She was just so stubborn. I gingerly chewed the burger - tiny little bites to make it last - and watched all of those around us. I didn't know when the weigh-ins would be, but I wasn't going to risk it. "You know, I haven't led you wrong yet, have I? This is a test of willpower and temptation. They make us into pretty girls and pretty girls have self control and restraint. It's a life lesson. Makes sense, right?"

"I'll eat less for dinner." They'd probably made everyone skip breakfast today for the phase changes - they did take a long time, after all.  Phase One to Two took an entire week - learning to take care of Firsts and learning the rules.  Phase Two to Three, though, was oddly simple.  I went into a room, was given new clothes, told very few rules, watched an hour-long program about the "individuality" and "creativity" building that Phase Three offered, along with it's goal to promote social development.  It was a bit too after-school-special for me, though, and I found myself horribly bored.  Regardless, no breakfast meant a big lunch.

"As you wish." I smiled simply to myself and took a bite of celery. Would it kill them to have peanut-butter? I decided to bring it up with my next meeting with the Headmistress. "It's exciting, isn't it?" Advice didn't seem to pan out, so I resorted to small-talk. "I mean. Scary. In One and Two we knew what was expected of us. And now this, where we don't really know a thing…? It's pretty thrilling. What're your plans when you get out?"

"Not really scary.  Just be good.  It was pretty simple." And when I messed up, the Headmistress was quick to correct me.  Sit with knees together, ankles out.  And when I got back to the room, I'd have to do my hair and put lipgloss on.  It was really very simple, actually. "When I leave?  I don't know.  Can't go home - not like this.  My sister would tease me so bad." I smiled, but a stone fell through my stomach… I'd never see my family again…

"My family disowned me. Like. Actually, legally so. They have a restraining order, too. Isn't that all sorts of messed up? I mean I get it ~ with what I did? But still. Really harsh. I don't much know what I want now, but Phase Two really brought out my maternal side. Just wanna take care of someone. A child, or someone who just wants me to show them everything will be okay. That's why I try to do good here, because the sooner I'm out? The sooner I can find my special someone." I had a sort of wistful tone in my voice as I spoke, my inflections airy and my gaze focused on a particular light fixture. "I have this dream, sometimes. About this girl I take care of. She's a criminal and we're on the run, hiding in hotels and working where we can. And she relies on me so much. And I take care of her." I looked down from my fixation on the ceiling and bit my lip shyly. "She can't talk. Not except to me. When anybody else is around, she's mute. She needs me and trusts me, and just to… to feel that? Wow. I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm so sorry."

"Well, when you're out of here, you won't be running." I wasn't sure how that fit into her dreams, but it seemed like a bonus. "I mean, you'll be able to find your someone and take care of them normal.  Like, in one place." I wasn't a very profound girl, though - I never was as a boy, either - and I suddenly felt like my words were particularly useless. "I can't talk, sometimes.  I mean, it's really just one guy.  The Hypno tech when I was a First and Second.  I have no idea why.  I just can't get a word out around him.  Which sucks, because Hypno scares me a lot… I wish I could ask what he was doing." I bit my lip and played with the edge of my empty-except-for-crumbs plate. "But Thirds get a new Hypno tech, so it'll be fine."

She was opening up to me a little more now and that made me smile ~ looks like small talk was the answer. "Why can't you talk around him?" It seemed the wrong thing to ask so soon, though, so I followed up with an easier thing to manage. "Hypno used to scare me, but it's like a roller coaster ride for me now. I get on. I'm not much sure what happens. And I get off. I don't really think its changed me any, but isn't that the point? Not to know? I sometimes wonder what my old friends would think of me now. They'd probably rape me..." Now there's a sobering thought.

I shrugged my shoulders and kept drawing circles on the cafeteria table, the plastic plate pushed away.  Some people were still eating, and it didn't seem we were allowed to leave yet.  It was probably on a timer.  After all, we had social interaction here.  It differed so much from the dining hall as a Second. "I don't know.  I mean, I just can't.  I try to talk and… nothing happens.  Maybe it's something they did to me - maybe I was being annoying one day." But Hypno started on day two, and I didn't get in trouble until day three.  I shook my head in confusion.  It was always an anomaly, and I'd decided long ago not to bother with it.  It was probably that man in particular.

"Which man was it? The tall one with the glasses, or the tubby one who always smelled of lemon lime & bitters?" It was strange for me to say that - I didn't actually remember what that smelled like. Just that once upon a time I'd made the connection with the man and that memory had stuck. Across from us at the table, two of the girls had already started babbling like high-schoolers and it became apparent just how much a bonding experience real food could be. "I don't like the one with the glasses. Creeps me out. Like he's fantasized about one too many pretty little sissy boys."

"Mine was tubby… but I don't know what that smells like, so it could be someone else." I still had my head down, though I was looking up at Staycee, now.  Conversations started up around us but they all seemed like white noise to me. "I liked him.  He was sweet.  He'd always smile and talk even though I couldn't talk back.  All the staff here are really nice.  I guess it beats prison, huh?" Then again, in a lot of ways, it really didn't.  But since I'd gotten out of Phase One, I was much less bothered.

"Tha's…" I paused for a moment and tried to remember the technicians name. "Vel-… no, that's stupid. Uh. Oh! Oh! Edgar, right? I think." I smiled happily - as the Phase's continued inexorably, memory was becoming more and more a commodity to be held onto. At least for me. It was the same for everybody, though. "This place really messes with your memory, huh?" I actually felt an ache at the sides of my head for a moment, like little needles stabbing… and then it passed.

"I guess…" There wasn't a whole lot to remember about the facility - the rules were very clear and everything else would likely never leave me with how humiliated I had been.  But it did seem like I'd been here forever when it had only been a six months.  Maybe that's what she meant.  The doors to the hallways opened and some of the girls got up to leave.  I climbed off the bench I was sitting on and followed behind them, Staycee a pace behind me.

I found myself a little lost in thought as we wandered back to our room, but by the time we got there I was my usual peppy self. "So, Audrey… you must have been a gorgeous looking boy to turn out as pretty as you have." It wasn't like me to be flirtatious and I s'pose it wasn't even flirting, per se. Just observation, Admiration. "Were you gay? I mean, before?" It was a rarer thing for it to happen, but I couldn't imagine this girl ever having been a boy who chased after the fairer sex.

I frowned and crossed my arms, walking past Staycee to the vanity and picking out hair ties.  I probably shouldn't have been so offended, given I was wearing a schoolgirl uniform and putting my hair in pigtails, but I really was. "No, I wasn't gay.  I've always liked girls." I was a pretty nice looking boy, I knew, but the amount I'd changed in six months surprised even me.  Then again, Staycee would never be mistaken as a boy, nor would anyone else in this Phase.  Still, there was something particularly beautiful about Staycee.  She was just… a better girl.

By the time Audrey replied, I was laying down on the bed on my stomach, cradling my chin in the palms of my hands. "Well, you're going to make an amazing wife for some lucky girl out there." I pursed my lips and looked thoughtful. "They made me like boys. It was one of the criteria the judge put in place, because I can't be trusted with girls. Made the families really happy, you know? So they skipped due process and made me like boys. Well. Not boys specifically, but their… bits." My cheeks were glowing now and I laid my head on my arms. "It sucks, too, you know? Because I really do adore girls."

"That sucks…" I really did sympathize.  This facility had taken so much of Colin away, and so much of Audrey was manufactured.  I wasn't even sure any of me was left… "Oh… look." I grabbed a paper off the vanity and held it up for Staycee to see.  It was a schedule.  And with a clock, it felt like a whole new system.  I glanced over the paper and read aloud. "Lights on - 6am.  Breakfast - 8am.  Class A - 9:30am to 11:30am.  Lunch - Noon.  Audrey - Hypno/Staycee - Class B - 1:30pm to 3pm.  Staycee - Hypno/Audrey - Class B - 3:30pm to 5:00pm.  Dinner - 5:30pm.  Lights out - 9pm." That's complicated… "Um… Disclaimer - classes differ depending on the day/week/social structure.  Follow the attached chart for room numbers…"

"Oh!" I peered over the shorter girls shoulder at the timetable and glowed with a smile. Structure. Order. Oh, things felt so much better already. "It's all so strange. I mean, some parts of me just crave the rigor and structure of Phase One. But a bigger part of me just wants to spread my wings and embrace all this. I mean, what's it even mean? Classes differ on social structure? It's all so vague." My tone had started to sound almost… desperate by the end and I frowned, falling back on the bed. "I just wanna do well…"

"Well… it's fifteen minutes until our first class.  Or… your first class.  I have Hypno."  I looked down the list with a blissful smile.  Hypno wasn't structured.  Hypno rooms are as follows > Name list > Number.  Done.  Staycee and I had the same Hypno room, it seemed. "Your is… um… week one, Monday…" Monday, right?  Yeah, says so on the clock. "That's this column.  Punishment day, normal day?  I guess… normal day, right?  ID starts with…" I felt sick to my stomach.  This was like the spreadsheet from Hell or something. "I think… 322.  For you.  And 308 for me.  But you might wanna double checks yours.  It confused me…"

"Uhhuh…" My voice was vague as I lay there and gathered up my thoughts, then sat up with the best smile I could manage. "Make sure to tell me all about our Hypno tech when we catch up, okay? I like to know people. It's how I stay good at this stuff. I watch and listen and know." It was my thing, and it made me smile to know that it was. Nobody else paid attention like I did. "What do you think the Hypno courses are going to be, as Thirds?" Conversation. Small talk. That kept things normal. Can't get freaked out, Staycee! It's competitive, now. It's important to do well, not just to pass.

I shrugged my shoulders and stepped away from the vanity, my hair in low pigtails, as would be proper. "I have no idea.  I guess I'll be able to tell you in an hour and a half, huh?" Then again, I never remembered any of my Hypno sessions.  It was more like falling asleep.  But maybe I could ask.  After all - I'd have a new tech. "Only thirteen minutes - I should go and try to find this place.  See you back here after class."

"Ah, yes. Audrey. Please come in." The man who answered the door after three small knocks was a tall, lanky man without much expression to his long, drawn face. Thick-rimmed glasses framed dark green eyes that sat sunken into eye-sockets just a little too deep, and his voice wavered between deep and scary-deep every few syllables. He waited for the girl to enter the room and closed the door behind her with a sharp click, his long thin lips pulling into the faintest hint of a leer as he watched every little footstep the girl took.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. "Nice to meet you." Did that come out?  I opened my eyes at the tall man in front of me, smiling down, though he said nothing.  No "Nice to meet you too." I sighed and tried again, but like the first time, no words… no sounds.  So it wasn't just Edgar.  It was all Hypno techs.  What the hell sense did that make?!  I gave a small wave instead and fiddled with the hem of my skirt.

The quiet girl sparked a particular interest in the man and as she fiddled with her hemline, he stood over her and addressed a chart that had taken its place in his fingertips during his approach. "No need to be frightened, hypnosis is nothing to be afraid of. In-fact, I quite adore it. Don't you, pet?" He motioned to the chair in the center of the room. "Please do sit."

What are you going to do?  What is the Third hypnosis about?  But still, no words, and that meant no answers.  If only I had a pen and paper… but the idea of reading and writing was wiped out of me in One.  Before Three, I knew they gave me the ability to read back, but I wasn't sure about the writing thing.  Still, I took my seat in the chair and looked up at the headpiece.  Always the same headpiece.  Still, this session was a half hour longer than Phases One and Two…

The man leaned over Audrey and fiddled with the head-set, gently pulling it down closer to her head before stopping and looking into her eyes with his very deep-set sockets. He stared at her for entirely too long to be comfortable; his breath smelled of stale cigarette smoke and coffee and as his eyes bore into the soul of the girl in the chair. "You're quite beautiful, you know. Perhaps the most beautiful girl I've seen in this dark, empty place." They were words with the potential to be wonderful, deep and touching… but they simply weren’t. "You're a very quiet one, aren't you? Perhaps there just aren't any words worth passing those pretty lips of yours." It was one of those compliments that just… couldn't help but come across as off-putting. There was nothing wrong with the words, or even the inflection and delivery. It was just him, just the way it was obvious that he meant these things despite the fact he was talking to a sixteen year old girl with the mind of a ten year old.

I nodded my head.  What else could I do?  I tried getting comfortable in the chair, but it felt so foreign to me.  It was the same make, the same model, the same everything, but not the same chair, and not the same tech.  I wondered if hypnosis could even work with a tech I didn't trust - and it wasn't that I didn't trust this new man!  He was just… new.  New people take time to get used to, right?

"Relax now, pet. You're tense. There's no need to be. Hypnosis is a very intimate experience. Very special. Relax now, and let me take away all those fears and worries." One hand had gently slipped around Audrey's and the other was reached up, bringing the headset closer to the girls pretty head of hair. He was close to her; probably inappropriately so. But there was something in his cold eyes, something that wasn't there before. A little spark. An interest.

The visor came down over my eyes and the next thing I knew all the light was gone.  The voice of the Hypno tech was gone, too.  I felt a small cold chill come over me as I thought about what this was: my first hypnosis of Phase Three.  Anything could happen, now.  Who I was could be rewritten the same way they'd rewritten me in Phase One and Two.  And the worst part was, I'd never know the difference…

The Headmistress had been very specific with her plans for Audrey and Staycee: that it would be dangerous for the two of them to express a romantic interest in one another. That the establishment of such could lead to side-effects the facility would rather not address - particularly in Staycee, who's dreams had already become an issue. It had therefore been made abundantly clear to the hypnosis technicians who would see them through Phase Three, that the standard conditioning for Thirds - which compelled each and every Third to express romantic interest in their room-mate (pairings that had each been chosen for specific reasons) was not to be applied to either Audrey or Staycee. And yet, now, as a result of a clouded moment… that very program was running through Audrey's headset. The technician watched her as she sighed and twitched, the reflection of the bright lights on her face illuminating soft delicate features and as the session continued… Audrey began to smile. The technician smiled, too, not at all aware of his mistake. Still, without the same mistake being applied to Staycee… how bad could things be?

Hypno sessions were always so obscure to me - no matter how many times it happened, it still always felt like I'd fallen asleep during a movie.  The machine was lifted off my head and I looked up at the man with the glasses.  I'd been under that helmet so many times that the dizziness that frequented the Hypno processes had left me entirely.  Still, I remained where I was for an extra second out of sheer ritual.  What had he changed?

The dizzy look on the girls face was always his favorite part of this job; that dazed look as a pretty little thing accepted the fact that their mind had been violated, penetrated and taken by force. Any brute could force himself upon a girl, but it took a very special kind of man to taken ownership of her mind. He shook his head and the little smile faded away as he helped the girl from her chair. "How do you feel, pet? Perhaps you should head back to your room and lay down, no?" The usual focus questions; drawing attention to the room-mate, observing reactions? They went unasked. After-all, the technician hadn't realized his mistake. Still, the writing had been written on the walls and it was only a matter of time before the programming took hold of the poor girl before him. "Hurry along, now."

I nodded, still in a mild state of bliss, and wandered out into the hallway.  It was at least fifteen steps before I realized I wasn't going the right way.  I came back into the bedroom a minute later finding Staycee half-undressed, in only her panties and… a bra?  I very quickly turned around, my cheeks lighting up.  Why was I shy?  I'd changed diapers before! "Um… hey.  How was… um… Class B." Class B, right?  According to the schedule, that could be anything.

"It was really fun!" My voice was bright and airy as I fussed over clothes in the closet and turned back around, standing with my knees together and my hands on my hips. "Lookie? First bra. What do you think? I don't really fill it out yet and it's padded, but they said I will." And I had to pause because that notion made me really happy. "I'm really super excited. The class was on proper layering. Like. Putting together outfits and stuff. I mean, the first half hour was everybody being sized for our bras and…" Audrey wouldn't turn around, though, and I pouted a little. "…hey! Come on. Look. It's my first bra, I want to be fawned over!"

"Uhhuh…" I felt my cheeks get hot as I approached Staycee, being particularly careful not to look at her chest.  But her underwear wasn't a good idea either, so I focused on her toes.  Did we get to paint nails sometime in this phase? "It's really nice… super happy for you.  Probably getting mine next class, huh?  Oh, next class!" I looked at the time - we were both back fifteen minutes early!  That meant 45 minutes until my Class B… "…I really should… um… get ready.  Redo my hair or something." Why was I so flustered?!  It was just Staycee.

"Hey…" I took a step forward and cupped the girls cheek softly, directing her gaze up to mine with a little smile. I didn't know where the sudden surge of maternal care had come from, but I was knee-deep in it now and it wasn't like I could stop. "You okay, pretty girl? You seem shaken. Did something happen in Hypno? Did you have Edgar?" I couldn't imagine Edgar actually making her as physically skittish as she was at the moment; he was really a sweet guy despite the evidence to the contrary. So why was she so shaken?

"Um… nuh uh…" Her eyes were really lovely… but they were the same as my eyes.  The same as everyone’s eyes!  Why didn't I find everyone else's eyes so pretty?!  I shook my head and pulled away, and then the feeling of her skin not on mine made my stomach sink. I bit my lip and quickly went to the vanity, taking out my pigtails and trying again. "Um… had… the guy with the glasses.  He was nice.  I mean, he complimented me a lot, which… I guess isn't so weird." I always got compliments here, even as a First.  Penelope couldn't even believe I was a boy.

A little wince came to my mind and I frowned at the thought. "He flirted with you? Gah. He's so creepy! You're sixteen and he's like a thousand years old. Ew ew ew ew!" I hoisted myself up to sit on the vanity, looking down at Audrey with a smile on my face and nothing on but underwear. "Are you okay? Did you tell him to go to hell?" She didn't, of course; we knew better than to bad-mouth staff, but still. I would've wanted to tell him that. And that's enough.

"Couldn't talk.  I hate that.  Something they did, I'm sure.  But it's whatever…" I made absolutely sure not to look at Staycee, keeping my eyes on me in the mirror, adjusting my pigtails, then taking them out again, then starting over. "He's not that old… maybe forty something.  And he wasn't flirting.  It was just a compliment.  Like when I say you're beautiful…" I felt my cheeks heat up and I had to force myself not to break eye contact with myself. "It's not flirting…" My voice had absolutely no confidence, though.

I bit my lip and looked down at the girl trying desperately to focus all her attention on her hair with a cheeky little smile on my face. "You think I'm beautiful?" The color that flushed through her cheeks was more than enough answer, but hearing her answer with that pretty little voice of hers would be even better than the blush. And I really liked blushing girls.

"Uhhuh…" I tied my hair in pigtails in complete silence, and again, pulled them out.  I had already tied one back up when I froze, looking at myself in the mirror. "Oh crap…" I frowned and looked down at the vanity in front of me, grabbing one of the lip glosses.  I went to Hypno without it?  And after the Headmistress told me specifically… I sighed and smeared as much as I could on my lips, clearly smearing it all over my skin, and tied the other pigtail up.  And how did you sit in the chair, Audrey?  Like a Third?

She was panicking and that caused a little more of my maternal feelings to show as I slid down off the vanity and leaned in close, running my thumb along the outline of her lips to clean away the excess gloss. "Quality, not quantity. Put it on right in as few motions as possible. Like this." I pursed my lips and applied the gloss, one smooth line for each lip. "Then you purse, like this, and then use the edge of your thumb-nail to clean up any excess." I demonstrated those steps and looked down into her brilliant blue eyes. "And you're pretty gorgeous yourself, sweets. You know. For the record."

"Uhhuh…" I was transfixed.  I didn't know why - she'd put her lipgloss on in front of me once before.  And still, the way she… I shook my head, my cheeks burning up, and resumed looking at my feet.  What was wrong with me?!  She was so uninteresting before… before Hypno?  Was this a change they made?  I made a mental note to check if I started feeling this way with anyone but Staycee - maybe in my Class B.  Oh, no… I'd have to watch everyone else get fitted for bras!  I couldn't feel like this with that many people!  Ugh!  What was wrong with me?!

"You look really pale, Audrey. Come on, come lay down. We got like… twenty minutes, right?" I took her by the hand - subconsciously lacing my fingers into hers like I did with the girl in my recurrent dreams - and led the girl over to the bed, pointing with my free hand. "Lay down, come on. I'll sit up next to you and make sure you're up for our next session. Trust me?" I flashed a smile with teeth that had been wonderfully whitened some time during Phase One and in the warm light of our bedroom, it was pretty apparent just how perfect my skin was, too. Almost like a doll.

I kept my eyes closed, but I didn't sleep.  It wasn't right.  They couldn't mess with my head and make my stomach feel weird and make me dizzy and… and it wasn't fair!  After Class B, I would stay and ask to speak to the Headmistress.  She was always willing to talk to me.  I'd tell her whatever they did I wanted it gone.  I didn't like it.  I just felt so… so anxious.  Like at any minute something could jump out of the wall.  So I kept my eyes closed and counted silently until Staycee nudged me.  I passed a casual smile before hurrying out of the bedroom, giving a wave and dashing down the hallway.  It took me a minute of leading against the wall to get my heart rate under control, and it was only then I realized I didn't know what room I was supposed to go to.  Ugh…

"Hey!" The chipper voice came from a girl with a mess of bright blonde curls that flowed down over her shoulders. Like everybody else, she had sparkling blue eyes; but unique to her were patches of freckles on her cheeks that almost shined when she smiled. "You lost? I'm Aimee. I know, I don't much like it either but my Second was kind of a ditz and had no imagination. What's your name?"

"Um… Audrey…" I looked back down the hallway, my room out of sight.  Staycee had probably left - it was safe to go back.  Still… "I'm not really… lost.  I mean.  I don't know where I'm going.  Gotta get my chart from my room.  It's that way." I pointed with my finger, but still, my feet didn't move.

"Come on, I'll come with you. What've you got now? I've got Class B. Whatever that means." The airy flow to the girls voice could've sounded dangerously Disney-esque if not for her properly formed and varied inflections; she actually just sounded… happy. But happiness wasn't unusual in Phase Three; by the time most of us got here we were pretty content with the direction we were taking. Still, Aimee managed to carry that happiness with an amazing level of authenticity.

"Yeah… um… okay." I led the way down the hall and Aimee followed behind.  I knew she had Class B as well, but that didn't surprise me.  From what I'd gathered, Class B would be a very different thing for different people.  As I suspected, when I made it back to my room, Staycee wasn't there.  I let out a small sigh and went over to the paper.  Audrey… Week one, Monday… normal day… ID number… I bit my lip and looked up at Aimee. "It's this one, right?  383?"

"Yuppers. Looks like we got a class together." She looked over at the vanity and fingered the lipgloss most recently used, before turning around with a smile. "Is she pretty? She's got a good taste in lipgloss." It was an obtuse question, but nothing seemed particularly obtuse coming from this girl. She just had a radiance about her.

I pinned the sheet back onto the vanity for safe keeping and slipped the lip gloss Aimee was fingering into my skirt pocket.  I wasn't sure why… "She's… she's really pretty.  I don't know how.  I mean, I knew the moment she got here, and even at lunch and stuff… there's just no one in this whole building as pretty as her.  I bet she's prettier than Fourths!" I felt my cheeks heat up at the way I was talking about her and suddenly felt really foolish. "I mean, I don't know how she does it…"

The blonde girl smiled knowingly at the girl with a cheeky grin. "Sounds like somebody has a crush. Prettiest girl here? Prettier than me?" She batted her eyelashes and pursed her lips. The answer was clear, though; for everything Aimee had going for her… there was just something lacking. Something Staycee had, a certain flair to the way she carried herself. A spark. That was a good way to put it. A spark that shone so much brighter than any of the conditioning. Something only Staycee had. And it was almost... magical.

A crush…?  I very quickly shook my head and my cheeks got hot. "No, no, no!  It's not like that!  It's… it's… just… I'm saying how it is.  She's pretty.  And I don't mean to be mean or anything - you're pretty too, but she's… but it's not anything.  It's just true.  It's not like that, I swear…" The silence that followed was dreadfully awkward, though, and I realized how frantic I sounded… "Don't we… um… have to go to class?" The clock already flashed 3:32.

"Shoot, yes. Come on." Aimee took off running down the hall; she didn't know much about how all this worked but she did know that being late wouldn't do at all. The clock in the classroom read 3:35 by the time the two girls got there, and it was obvious from the two empty chairs at the tables that they were the only ones who'd been late, too. The woman at the front of the class stopped talking and the class hushed. "Audrey. Aimee. So nice of you both to join us. Class, Audrey and Aimee are of the belief that they have more important things to do than come to class." She turned to the two of them and frowned. "Sit. Be quiet. And if you're lucky, you'll both be given your first bras today."

The classes were very small.  I counted ten girls along with Aimee and myself.  That meant there were five of these classes that took place… though I wasn't sure how that worked with Hypno involved.  The woman at the front of the room talked a lot and it was all about clothing.  Clothing was never something I was very interested in, even as a boy.  The way I saw it, if it was something in my color, I'd wear it.  Simple as that.  Then she started calling people to the front of the room and, right in front of everyone, the girls would take off their blouses or respective dresses.  I thanked whatever God was watching me that I wore a two piece outfit that day.  But it was like the teacher said… Aimee and I might not get our chance.  After all, she started at the front.

"There is nothing that defines you as women more than your breasts, girls. Only the most special of visitors will see below your waistline, and only if you so choose. But your breasts make you a woman. They're on display at all times, they're the defining characteristic that sets you aside from the boys you all once were." Aimee actually looked stressed over the idea that she might not get her bra, and it was with great relief that she was called up next, along with Audrey. "Know that from this point onward, you are girls. You are more girl than you have ever been and more girl than you ever will be. With this simple garment, with the undeniable truth of your breasts… you are girls. And everything else beyond this is merely dessert." She finished fastening Aimee's bra and the blonde girl lit up in a smile that was bright even for her. "Your turn, Audrey." Unlike the others who received garments in simple white… Audrey's bra was blue. Her blue. And it was very obvious from the moment the woman lifted it off her desk. "Are you ready, Audrey?"

I was a little concerned, looking back at Aimee as she slid the pinafore back down her body.  Her bra was white.  Everyone’s bras were white.  Even Staycee's bra was white.  And mine was blue… "Uhhuh… okay…" The woman helped me into the bra in front of nine other people, fastening it behind my back, and allowed me to put my blouse back on.  I'd never felt so uncomfortable…

"Audrey, each other girl will earn their bra in their own color. You've been selected by the Headmistress to be the first to do so; to help inspire the other girls." And it was clearly having the desired result… nine pairs of eyes looked enviously at Audrey; the girl who got to have a bra in her own special color. It wasn't resentment or upset… it was out and out envy. Aimee pouted and puffed out her cheeks. "Miss, how do I earn my peach-colored bra?" The woman smiled and looked at Audrey, then at Aimee. "One more of you will earn your color by the end of todays class. So everybody try extra hard. Now, sit down. We have a lot to cover, girls."

I… was first?  I took my seat, again, at the back with Aimee in complete disarray.  What did I do?  Or was it randomly chosen?  I did get my color on only my second day, so maybe it was related to that.  Still, I was late to class… I didn't understand this.  Still, it wasn't worth arguing over - I was picked.  I should be happy.  So I was.  I smiled proudly throughout the entire class as the students did their best to impress the teacher before us.  

Aimee wound up being given her peach-colored bra by the end of the class and by the thing things had come to a close, there were ten more girls in the world who understood the fundamentals of layering, color contrast and matching, and complementary fabric texture. "Who knew there was so much to learn? I wore flip-flops and jeans with a band tee before. Never even considered any of this." Aimee was bubbly, though; she got her bra and as far as she was concerned that made her pretty special. "I'll walk you to your room, but then I gotta go find Lali. She's my roomie. It was really great hanging out with you, though! Make sure to say hi to that cutie of yours for me, alright?"

"Uhhuh." I made sure to give Aimee a complimentary goodbye and a heavy congratulations on her bra - though that seemed like the strangest thing in the world if you really thought about it.  Aimee left me alone and I wandered into my room.  No Staycee.  I wandered to the mirror and looked at myself.  The bra really did a lot.  I mean, it only brought me to an A cup, even with the padding, but still, it seemed so… different.  I had curves now.  I didn't look ten anymore.

It wasn't clear to me exactly what time it was, or how long Audrey had been in the room by the time I stumbled in and collapsed on the bed. But she was here. And now I was. And I felt intensely dizzy and exhausted. "Dun' get it… never felt so bad after Hypno…" I rationalized it to being the longer session, but my vision was blurred and my temples ached and I just wanted the room to stop spinning. Because if it didn't… I might've thrown up. And it was such a pretty bed. I managed to look up for long enough to see Audrey across the room and I smiled. "Pretty bra… your color, right?"

"Huh…?" I looked down at my top and my cheeks burned up.  White blouse, blue bra.  Looks like it was a good thing you were paying attention in class, Audrey, because this outfit wouldn't work without a white under top.  I quickly went over to the closet and picked out a camisole, then unbuttoned my blouse, slipped it on, and buttoned it back up.  Much better. "So Hypno wasn't good?  Sorry to hear…" I still had my back to my roommate.

"Head feels like its going to explode…" I pulled a pillow over my head and squeezed it tight, emerging a few moments later to add in. "Come lay with me? Make it all better?" Despite the fact that I was dubious about the healing qualities of cuddles, I was still ready enough to believe in the magic of faith healing when it came to Audrey. She was still facing away, though, fidgeting with her blouse after having slipped into a cami to hide the lines of her bra.

I bit my lip and the strange anxiety feeling filled me up again.  Lay with her… well of course I was going to lay with her.  It was my bed, too!  Though this time, unlike as a Second, we each had our own pillows.  I climbed in bed, over the covers, and put my head down next to Staycee's.  My heart was racing… why hadn't I talked to the Headmistress about this?!  Because it wasn't them… I didn't feel the strange anxiety with other people in class.  Not with Aimee, and Aimee was so nice.  I bit my lip and closed my eyes.  What the hell was this…?

It wasn't something I'd ordinarily have done, especially given how negatively she'd reacted to my being pushy earlier today… but I rolled over and draped one leg over the girl next to me and cuddled up close to her chest. It wasn't anything intimate, really: just comforting. A friend thing. And she was my best friend, after-all. "Did your head hurt this bad…?" My voice was quiet and contemplative, as if my words might disturb the comfort of us both.

"Nuh uh… felt fine the whole time…" It wasn’t entirely true - I felt fine until I got back into the room.  But it wasn't the hypnotism.  It was Staycee.  But it couldn't be Staycee… but with her cuddled close, her forehead against my cheek, her arm and her leg draped over me… I felt my cheeks burning and my heart racing.  Maybe she wouldn't notice… if I asked the Headmistress, maybe she could tell me.  Maybe she knew - she always knew everything.

"You're… anxious." Despite the churning in my head, I managed to sit up and after a half dozen blinks, I even focused my eyes. It was shameful that the only reason I knew so much about her responses was because I used to sedate girls against their will. But this was at least a noble use for the knowledge. "Your heart is racing. And your breathing is off. And your speech is difficult." I crawled up next to her and placed the back of my hand against her forehead. "You're a little warm, too. What's the matter, pretty girl? Let Staycee help. What's got you all flustered and upset?"

I shook my head, crawling out from under… but no, I didn't move.  I was frozen?  No, that couldn't be right… but with her hovering over me, her smile, her eyes, her hand on my forehead, then on my cheek, I felt the walls breaking down.  I couldn't move.  I didn't want to!  And still, my heart rate increased so badly… what the hell… "Um… not… upset, I… just like… um… with…" What was I saying?  What was the question?

"Come on, prettiness. You can tell me anything." One finger ran up the girls cheek to her hairline and I brushed an errant bang out of the way, looking down at her with the same blue eyes she had. Eyes I'd come to be proud of having. "Is it something that happened in class? I notice your bra is in your color. And I'm sorta jealous. Was it that? Is that why you're upset; the bra thing? Because it's so cute…" My head was still swimming and I'd have been lying if I could claim to be able to even discern the color of her bra anymore. I was fading, and I knew it. But a few more minutes… just to make sure she was okay? I could do that.

I couldn't shake my head… couldn't even think of a word to say.  I wanted to explain the bra thing - she seemed curious - but somehow those words were lost on me.  She was so close… and she smelled so sweet… but the next instant, she was closing her eyes and falling asleep next to me.  And I was broken from her trance. "Hey, Staycee?  You there?  Hey, wake up!" But she wasn't budging.  I quickly ran out into the hallway, looking right and left for someone.  I didn't know the layout well enough… so I ran.  I ran down the hallway knocking on all the doors until someone came out that wasn’t dressed like a twelve year old. "Staycee passed out.  Or… or maybe fell asleep.  But I can't wake her up!"

"I'm fine…  I just didn't eat very much at lunch, and you know… we didn't have breakfast." The woman who stood by the side of my bed looked concerned, but not entirely unconvinced. She looked at the worried-and-pacing Audrey and smiled. "I'll go and get you two some food brought up. Take good care of her." The woman left us and I sat up as best I could, looking sheepishly across at Audrey. "Sorry… must've fainted. I'm not sure what happened. Must be the food thing, right? I really didn't mean to worry you. Who was that, anyway? Was she a nurse, or just admin?"

I shrugged my shoulders, sitting on the edge of the bed in complete discontent.  Between my worry and the anxiety in my stomach, I felt altogether dreadful. "She was just a woman at one of the doors… I didn't ask her name or anything." Still, the food thing made sense.  Staycee had so stubbornly eaten only one burger at lunch, and she'd probably skipped breakfast.  I smiled a little and put my hand on Staycee's hip.  She was under the covers now, though, and it made things easier. "I'm glad you're okay… scared me a little."

"I really didn't mean to. I'll eat whatever you tell me to eat when food gets here. You can be in charge of me. How's that sound? Your own little Staycee-doll to feed and take care of?" I meant it as an encouraging statement, but Audrey looked away, biting her lip.

"Uhhuh… okay…" I wanted to.  I didn't know why, but I wanted to.  Why would I want something that made me anxious?!  It didn't make any sense!  Still, I'd agreed, and that was that.  The woman never came back, though a cafeteria worker brought us each a plate of food.  I guessed it was somewhere around dinner time, so it seemed we'd be missing the get-together.  As instructed, I fed Staycee her food.  I ate the burger off her plate and instead fed her my chicken with a plastic fork.  It was serene.

The chicken was really lovely, and for the entire time I didn't even think about my figure. With the food gone and my dizziness along with it, I reached up and put my hand on her cheek. "Thanks for taking care of me. Nobody really looks out for anyone here. It's why I wanna help you. So thank you, Audrey. You're a doll."

We didn't stay up late.  We turned the lights out just after dinner and Staycee drifted very quickly off to sleep.  Unfortunately, I didn't have the same pleasure with her cuddling so close.  It wasn't until exhaustion beat out my anxiety that I managed to follow Staycee’s lead.
 

[Sophie ♥]

Part II: Audrey Takes the Stage

Early to bed, early to rise, they say.  It seemed Staycee didn't get that memo, though.  I slid out from under her and checked the beside clock.  Seven twelve.  I grabbed myself some spare blue underwear from the closet and made my way into the already-lit hallway.  Seriously, this place needed a map, though I supposed that defeated the purpose.  I wandered for over five minutes before running into another girl. "Excuse me - showers… do you know where those are?"

"Yup. End of the hall, turn left." The girl was friendly enough ~ what she neglected to mention was the fact there were easily twenty girls showering; and the bathroom was still communal. It didn't seem like anybody present had the same issues with nudity that Audrey did, though. And a few pairs were already busy making out.

"Oh…" I bit my lip and paused at the door.  I could leave, just walk back to my room, but I really wanted to try to look my best today for the Headmistress.  Still, it felt so awkward in the shower room.  I grabbed a towel from the wall - not my color, but it would do - and put it with my fresh pair of underwear on one of the countertops.  I glanced back up at the girls-with-penises kissing each other against the tile and suddenly felt very insignificant.  I decided, instead, to just stare at my feet and hope everyone would clear out soon…

"Hey ~ come on. Don't be shy." The voice belonged to Aimee, the blonde girl standing in front of Audrey. "I know, you're shy, right? Or... you feel like less of a girl. But look at me. Honestly. Do you see less of a girl, cause I'm naked and have what I have?" She grinned, thinking of something. "If your roomie was naked, would you see her a less of a girl? Come on. Gotta risk it one of these days."

"Um… no, I… I just think I'll sit this one out, you know?  Those girls are… uh…" I shook my head, playing with my fingers a little.  The idea of Aimee naked - or anyone naked - was really bothersome to me.  Granted, some of these girls I had seen naked in the showers as Seconds, and they'd seen me that way as well.  But I made a promise to myself… "You go on.  I'll just wait here."

"Nope." Aimee wandered over to the stack of towels on the wall and wrapped herself up - like a girl, of course - and sat back down next to Audrey. "Look, this is how this stuff works. We're friends now, and friends take care of each other. If you're gonna sit here all shy, I'll take care of you. And then when everyone here is done? I'll stand guard at the door so you can have some privacy." She didn't ask it; she just made her proposal known with a smile and bit her thumbnail; a pretty bad habit that would probably disappear with Hypno. "So. Tell me about her. Your roomie?" She almost stumbled on the word, almost spat out 'crush' instead, but recovered it.

I gave a thankful smile to Aimee as she sat next to me on the countertop.  I was still fully dressed and Aimee's hair was wet, but it seemed normal enough. "Staycee?" Aimee nodded, so I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know.  I've only known her for like… one day.  She's fine, I guess.  I mean, she's kind of a know-it-all.  But that's not a bad thing.  And she likes helping me out with stuff, and I like helping her too… like, last night she was sick, so I fed her dinner." I smiled sideways, proud of myself.

"That's such a sweet thing!" Aimee almost gushed her praise as she consciously pulled her thumb away from her lips and turned to Audrey with a smile. "Is she still asleep? Maybe she could come and shower with you? I could go get her, for you, if you want! Then you might not be so scared." It was almost surreal seeing the girls showering; long hair, perfect skin, sparkling eyes… but mostly flat chests and penises… it was a real juxtaposition. Still, despite that, Aimee had been right in one of her assessments; none of them looked any bit less a girl.

"Oh, no, no, no!  I mean.  No… just… no." I had a semi-flashback to the day before, of Staycee undressing me, of her seeing me in my underwear, and how that was horrible enough.  And then there were the girls in the showers - some who I'd seen naked before - and I wasn't sure why it bothered me.  But then it clicked.  It wasn't them naked - that I was used to - it was the kissing, and the erections.  Because with the way they groped and rubbed, though by this point it was only three couples, it really did seem like guy-on-guy action if you ignored their faces.  I felt a wave of sickness wash over me and dropped my gaze back to my feet.  And still, despite it all, maybe seeing Staycee that way wouldn't be so bad… though I was still in denial she was born a boy.

"Do you want boobs?" It was such an arbitrary jumping point, but Aimee was a kind of flighty girl when it came to conversation topics anyway. "I'm looking so forward to it, especially now that we're wearing bras. I just stood in the mirror last night posing in different outfits and imagining having real proper boobs. Do you think they're uncomfortable? Like, heavy? Or painful? I was this close to marching up to the Headmistress and demanding boobs at two in the morning. Not sure that would've gone down well." Despite the change in topic, Aimee was very aware that Audrey was still considering the previous one; it showed in her pretty blue eyes.

I nodded absently, completely unsure of what the actual topic was.  Boobs, right? "Um… I guess… they're fine.  I mean, I guess I like how I looked with my bra… so… I guess I want boobs, right?  Makes sense…" Though I was barely talking to Aimee, and I was barely talking to myself.  My head was entirely lost on the idea of Staycee in the shower… why couldn't she have woken up before me and already be in here?!

"Hey gorgeous." I kissed Audrey's cheek and she blinked out of her headspace with a start, the girl next to her who'd been babbling stopped and stared at me for a moment. "I'm Staycee." "Aimee…" "Nice to meet you." I turned around and turned off all the hot water, the three couples who'd be kissing and petting squealed and stumbled out of the cold spray. "Don't waste water, there're thirsty kids in Africa. Or something. Anyway, go." And just like that, there were only the three of us. "Is it okay if I shower?" My hand turned the faucet back to bring the hot water levels up again. Aimee leaned in and whispered into Audrey's ear. "She is… beautiful. Oh my gosh. I'm going to go stand outside the door and guard, okay?"

"Um… okay…" But Aimee was gone by the time I got the last syllable out.  I watched in mild awe as Staycee undressed from her pajamas, leaving them on the counter, and stripping herself of her underwear.  Neither of us had worn bras to bed.  I did my best to look down at my feet as Staycee found her way under the water, but I kept finding myself taking glances of her naked form.  Ugh!  Stop being a pervert, Audrey!

"You can look if you like." My first statement was mostly friendly and courteous, the sort of thing someone might say just to relieve some discomfort. But the next bit was… altogether more coy and playful. "I might like it if you did. I don't feel very pretty a lot of the time, and if I knew a pretty girl wanted to watch me shower…" I bit my lip and started to run the puffball over my soft skin; the soap not foaming for very long under the streams of water but enough still to give my body a soapy look.

It's for her benefit.  Not yours.  So I looked.  I watched.  Oh, I watched.  I felt my cheeks heat up as she rubbed her body down with the soapy sponge and I felt the anxiety rise in my chest again.  Why did it do that?!  Was I afraid of her?  It was the only thing I could think off; nothing else made me feel this way except roller coasters and stuff.  I wanted to yell at myself, but I found I was entirely too preoccupied.

"If you want… you could come and wash my back for me? Leave your panties on, and I'll turn around?" It was a long shot, and I didn't think she's buy into the proposition. I didn't know why I bothered offering. Maybe it was just because I wanted for her not to hate her body, maybe it was because I liked that she liked mine. I simply made the offer and it was what it was.

"I… um… alright…" I climbed up off the counter, but the second my feet hit the floor, my mind had changed.  My heart rate went way up and I found my fingers shaking a little.  It just wasn't a good idea… "Actually… I… I think I'm fine.  Thanks though." I tried to position myself back on the counter, feeling horribly awkward.  Why was I doing this?  Why was I putting myself in this situation?  Was it like thrill-seeking?  Was this why people jumped out of planes?  I didn't want this feeling!

Audrey was looking down, her chest heaving softly as she threatened to hyperventilate; so it didn't surprise me when she was startled that I touched her. But I did. I put both my hands on hers and I stood before her - naked as I was - and looked into her ears; talking in the voice I so often used in the dream. Soft. Calm. Soothing. "Audrey. It's okay. It is. I'm not sure what it is you're scared of, but I'm here and I'm your friend and I'm not going to let anything hurt you. So no reason to be afraid, okay?" I smiled that impossibly white smile and kissed her cheek. "Trust me. I'll keep you safe." Wow. Deja-vu, like woah. I blinked and shook my head, but smiled again.

"I'm so sorry…" I climbed off the counter and grabbed my underwear and bolted out of the shower room.  Ugh!  She was being so nice, so helpful, and… and I ran away, and I was so scared, and I had no idea why!  I felt completely sick being away from her, too.  Like I should go back.  Like I should put myself through all that again just because I could!  What the hell was wrong with me?!  I stormed into my room and changed as absolutely quickly as I could just in case Staycee was following.  But by the time I'd put my hair in pigtails, dressed myself in a formal Audrey blue dress, and had put on my matching bra and underwear, she still hadn't returned.

It was a difficult decision to make to let Audrey be alone, but I waited outside in the hall until it was only six minutes before breakfast before going in. Part of me had hoped she'd go to the mess hall early so I could get ready without having to upset her, but I wasn't given the opportunity. I was wrapped only in a towel and I smiled the best fake smile I could manage. "You look really pretty, Audrey. Your blue is just incredible, it brings out your skin tone amazingly." The small talk was all I could manage as I wandered to the closet. Don't get close. Don't make her upset. Obviously something you've done is making her upset. Be nice. Give her space.

At the realization that Staycee was going to be changing her clothes, I bit my lip and made my way to the doorway. "I'm, uh… gonna go to the cafeteria.  You just… meet me there, right?  Okay…" I didn't like leaving her, not twice, not like that, but I couldn't think of anything else… I had to avoid her best I could.  It was the only way I could make this work. I took my seat at the cafeteria table, resting my head on my arms and looking around the room.  I noticed two things - despite the color scheme, everyone, essentially, was wearing a formal outfit.  I guess they only supplied us with formal things, now, judging by the congregation and my wardrobe.  The second was, unfortunately, that at least half the girls in the room were sitting an inch too close or holding hands or putting their heads on each other's shoulders.  And here I was, without even Staycee for company, completely alone…

My hand slipped into Audrey's under the table as I sat down and I gave it a reassuring squeeze. My dress - in my particular shade of yellow - looked quite fetching with the little bumps from my bra now; though I'd had little bee-sting breasts far above the curve of the others since day one. Headmistress had explained, but I didn't really get it. I whispered softly as I could manage, but kept a smile. "You know that you can talk to me, right, Audrey? I'm not perfect. I used to be kind of a jerk in another life, but I'm a pretty swell person now, I think. And I really like you. You're good to me. You make me smile. Cuddle with me when I feel rotten, and feed me with a plastic fork, to boot! I wanna be good to you, now. Let me in? Let me help?"

I took a deep breath and looked down at the table, my hand still in Staycee's.  It felt so… warm. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just get this-" But the sound of the microphone cut me off as the Headmistress took the podium.  In a second, everyone silenced, including me.  Was this going to be an every day thing?  In Phases One and Two she rarely ever oversaw breakfast.

"Good morning, girls. I trust you've enjoyed your first day as Thirds and are settling in well. I see some of you have started to find companionship in one another's arms, and I applaud you for breaking down your walls of perception. You're all girls here, and you all - most of you," I swore she was looking right at me in that moment, "Like girls. So it's only natural. As promised, you've all been reviewed and I'd like for three of you to join me up here. Audrey. Bethany. Desmond." Two girls stood up, unsure whether they were being praised or punished, and joined the Headmistress anxiously. Audrey looked at me with wide eyes and I kissed her nose and whispered. "I'm here for you."

I shakily found my way to my feet, following the other two girls as they climbed the single step to the platform with the podium.  I bit my lip, hard, running in my head what this could possibly be about.  I forgot my lip gloss yesterday, I knew that.  But I had my bra, too!  But I was late to class… was this good or bad?  Or did she just want to talk?  Maybe she knew what was going on with my head?  Ugh!  Why was this happening?  Why on stage?  I hated this - hated being looked at - and all forty seven girls a step below were looking at us three…

"Girls, you have had the poorest result and so you will be punished. The three of you will spend today stripped of your bras, and back in diapers for the day." This brought a murmur to the room, but she continued. "Furthermore," the crowd hushed, "You will be given a shot to ensure you use your diapers. Your fellow Thirds will now see what helpless baby girls you still wish to be." I looked up in despair at Audrey as orderlies began to move in on the girls and the Headmistress continued. "Nothing is free, girls. You have to want your freedom. You have to earn it. Or else…" Each of the girls was administered an injection one by one, Bethany first, followed by Desmond and finally Audrey. I wanted to stop it happening, wanted to stand out and stomp my feet. But I didn't. I couldn't. And the noise of Bethany emptying her bowels into her panties was soon audible to the entire room. "…you'll lose it."

I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks.  Both girls next to me had already taken to crying, but I was the one that ran off the stage.  Still, I only made it as far as the cafeteria door before liquid leaked down my legs, soaking the ankle high white socks everyone wore.  Wasn't happening… wasn't happening… I tugged at the door, but it didn't open.  Instead, I slid to the ground, my head in my knees, sobbing openly as everyone watched.

It was as though the Headmistress knew my intent before I did; and she shot me a steely stare as I motioned to stand up. And like a coward, I didn't. I sat back down, and when Audrey managed to look up at me for the briefest moment, I mouthed 'I'm so sorry'. It was only a few moments later that orderlies took all three girls away and the Headmistress continued. "Do not pity these wayward children, girls. Your pity will not help them, it'll only make their situation worse. Instead, spur them to excel. Remind them how terrible they ought to feel for their transgressions. Tease them. Never let them forget this punishment so long as it lasts. Only that way can they learn and be better people." I didn't look up. I felt sick. And I didn't eat, either. All I could think about was Audrey… and how I'd failed to keep her safe.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" I felt dizzily ill as the orderlies dragged me out of the puddle on the floor and through a different door.  Soon, myself and the other two girls were seated in an eerily hospital-like room and the door closed behind us.  The room smelled terrible, what with one girl's panties filled with her own mess and myself and the other dripping wet with urine.  They kept crying, and I did too, curling up into myself.  What did I do?  I was a good girl… I forgot lipgloss… I was five minutes late to one class… I was a good girl, I was… I was…

"Oh girls, don't you just smell dreadful. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Are you? Are you ashamed?" A man in a white coat was the source of the voice; a doctor and one with such a friendly smiley face. But his words cut deep. "Bethany? Bethany, you shit your panties. How does that feel? And you two? You'll do the same in the next few minutes away. Just a trio of disgusting, pathetic little babies. You give me one reason why I shouldn't make you all Firsts again?" There was silence, but Desmond piped up between sobs. "B-be-because… we… we didn't mean… we were given shots and…" "And why were you given shots, Desmond?" "Because we…" "Because you don't want to be adults. Isn't that right? That's why you don't try, isn't it? You want to be little babies forever, sucking your thumbs and shitting your panties. Well, maybe I should just put you all in Phase Zero? Would that make you happy?" He cupped Audrey's chin and leaned in close. "Would it, Audrey?"

I shook my head, sobbing as the man held my chin. "N..no, p..please don't… please… I'm sorry… we're so so sorry… we're gonna try so hard… we're gonna be good girls… please don't… please let me stay… don't wanna go back… wanna be a Third… please…" I was hysterical.  I wasn't sure if it was his words, how he said them, or… or even what I'd done.  I’d failed.  I was here because I didn't take this seriously… I thought Phase Three was a joke.  I was stubborn.  I didn't listen to Staycee.  So I was here.

"We even paired you with a rising star.  All you had to do was listen when she gave you advice, and you didn't." He turned away and looked at Bethany, then Desmond; the latter of which was trembling and trying not to give into what her body desperately insisted she was going to do. "You must be ashamed. All three of you. Ashamed. Well that's okay. It is. Because we practice forgiveness here, we do. All you need do is embrace your punishment for today, make sure to tell anybody who complains that you smell like a messy newborn that you're grateful for the punishment, that you know you need it. Cherish it. And tomorrow? Tomorrow, girls, you'll be given another chance." Desmond wrapped her arms around the man and sobbed, blubbering out words as her panties began to bulge at the back. "I'mababy and… stinky… messy because… didn't try… deserve this… wanna be good girl…"

This wasn't happening… it couldn't be.  It was a bad dream or something, watching the second of the girls start to mess herself.  I couldn't stop sobbing.  I couldn't stop shaking my head, mumbling to myself.  I was next.  I couldn't… needed to find a bathroom… or something.  But it wasn't plausible.  And I imagined the girl hugging the man's legs thought the same things I did too.  So I rocked and I cried, begging silently for this to end, for me to wake up…

"Audrey…" The man smiled and held out his arm. "Don't you want to be forgiven? Go back to being a Third? Wake up tomorrow and pretend that today was all a bad dream? It can be, muffin. You have to embrace your punishment, though. Own it. Be it. Thank people who tease you for it. And tomorrow it's locked away forever. Deny it… fight it… and it can last forever. You can be a defiant little shitty-pants baby girl for the rest of your life." Desmond sniffled and turned around, smiling though her cheeks were red and stained with tears. "It's… it's not so bad… Audrey… it's like… the shame cleanses the guilt… the guilt of knowing we didn't do good enough. It's…" Desmond went so much redder and trembled as the man pressed his hand against the back of her panties.

I nodded my head, still sobbing like a child, and climbed up on my knees to hug the man the same way the other girl was.  I thought it would trigger something, magically, the way it had for the second girl, but nothing happened.  I simply hugged his leg tight, my body trembling with each sob, and tried to ignore the building smell in the room. "I'll be good… was bad, but… but I'll be a good girl now…"

"You're holding back, Audrey. You're not letting all the shame in. You're scared to be judged, scared to be embarrassed but don't you get it, girl?" He took her head and nuzzled it against his tummy softly. "You'll never be free of your mistakes if you're not ashamed of them. You screwed up, Audrey, and now you're going to be a baby for a day. Do you think you deserve it?" Desmond and Bethany both whispered softly that they deserved it, but the two of them had crossed over - they'd embraced their shame and now only had smiled behind their sobbing eyes.

I nodded softly, my cheeks burning red, the wetness on my legs getting cold. "Y..yes, Sir, I… I deserve it.  I was bad… took for granted… what you… what everyone was trying to do… just trying to help me, and I… I was bad… and I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" My cheeks were still stained with tears, fresh ones dripping from my eyes every moment.  I couldn't stop.  I just wanted to be better… just wanted to be a good girl…

"Then prove you deserve it. Embrace it, as your sisters have. And that's what you are today, you three… shameful sisters, living examples to the rest of the Thirds what happens when you take for granted the gifts we give you. Think of how many you can save, Bethany. Think about Elhaym. Think about her failing, think about how you'll help her by showing her proudly what happens to those that do. Desmond, think about Contessa…" He didn't go far enough as to mention Staycee to Audrey, but then again… he didn't have to. He knew she'd be considering it. "You have let us down. You have let yourselves down. You have let every Third down. But embrace this." He cupped Audrey's chin and looked into her eyes. "Show your devotion, Audrey. You know what you must do. Embrace it. And save them. Show them that it doesn't have to be this way."

I was already crying, but something about his words made it so much worse… "I… I'm bad… I'm bad girl… I am!  S..stop it… stop saying it - I already hate my-" It just struck me, in that moment, what the man was waiting for, and it only struck me because the seat of my pretty blue panties started to fill with my own mess, squishing against my bottom.  The smell overwhelming the other two girls’… the absolute shame washing over me… just like a First… helpless… worthless…

Desmond and Bethany both wrapped their arms around Audrey and cuddled her close, one hand playing through her hair, another drying tears from her cheek and one more still.. pressing against the seat of her panties in reminder. They spoke in gleeful tones, though, minds whisked up into a delirious state. "Good girl, Audrey." "We'll help them." "Parade our shame." "Warn the others." "Do our duty." "Protect them. Protect Contessa." "Protect Elhaym." "Then be good girls." The man smiled and stepped back, every harsh tone gone from his voice and now replaced with something altogether more… soothing. "Good girls. You're such good girls. Do your duty, share your shame, and tomorrow you'll be Thirds again. Happy. Strong. Motivated. And determined never to fail again." He turned and left the room, a trio of nurses arriving not too long after to get the girls cleaned up and diapered.

I wasn't crying anymore when I returned to my room after breakfast bra-less and diapered, having been forced a gallon of unknown milky liquid.  I was sure it would put me in a babyhaze the way the milk did as a First, but it did no such thing.  I just felt very bloated.  Staycee ran up to me, and in a heartbeat, hugged me tight.  I wasn't in my blue dress, though - I was wearing only a hospital gown and a very thick diaper.  Classes were in a half hour, and I had to get ready, had to be a good girl.

"Audrey… Audrey… I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I didn't help you in there.  You must think I'm such a dreadful friend…" I pulled away from the cuddle and ran my fingers along her face, brushing her bangs out of the way of her eyes. "Are you okay?" She looked so… listless without her color, in just the hospital gown, and I smiled a little as I had a thought. "Let's get you dressed up super cute. I'll pick out an outfit, and do your hair, and lipgloss, and then you'll be so happy you won't even remember you're in a diaper. I bet if we're smart, we can even get you through the day without even having to use it." It would've been nice to spare her from wetting herself in front of everybody this morning, but this was still a good thing. I could help her.

I shook my head and bit my lip. "Gotta learn my lesson, Staycee.  I was so bad, and now… I can learn…" None of it made much sense out of context, but Staycee was too concerned to ask any questions.  She took me to the closet and picked me out a beautiful two-piece outfit with a pleated skirt and an adult blouse.  I looked far more fourteen than eight.  Still, it wouldn't hide what people knew… and it shouldn't.  Then she took me to the mirror and started brushing my hair, dividing it up, and braiding it.

By the time I'd finished with her hair - and I spent a long time braiding in ribbons in both her color and mine, figuring my yellow might give Audrey a little extra strength - and helped with her lipgloss, it was almost time for class. Audrey looked stunningly beautiful, though. Her skirt would still show her diaper at inopportune moments, but she was at least presentable as a teenage girl otherwise. I stood Audrey in front of the full-length mirror in front of the door and motioned for her to look. "Now that is the most beautiful girl here." I smiled and wandered to the closet, trying to figure out a quick look for myself that wouldn't get me marked down, but that I could make work in four minutes or less.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my feet, while Staycee got ready.  Our Class A was shared, unlike our afternoon one, and given I had no idea what to expect, I found myself a little curious.  Despite that curiosity, though, I knew today would be horrible… but it should be.  That's how I'd learn… learn to be better… care more about this place and what it's doing for me… helping me be a better person.

"Come on, sweetie pie." I took Audrey's hand in mine after pulling my hair into a sensible ponytail.  By the time we got to class, I'd even managed to gloss both our lips. This was a big class - easily twenty girls here already -and we sat down together at a table at the back. I wasn't sure what we were to be doing, but the line of nail polish pots along the desk at the front of the room made for a pretty compelling clue. People looked at us a little; whispers were uttered, but nobody said much of anything out loud. Not yet.

I felt like dying.  Even with Staycee's hand in mine, I only felt shame.  No happiness leaked in in the slightest.  But that's okay, right?  That's a good thing… I'll learn better this way.  The class livened up on my entry, and everyone stared.  The other two girls weren't present; they could easily be in another class.  I hoped they weren't, though - maybe take some of this off me… but if I got it all, all the humiliation, all the teasing, everything… then maybe I'd learn faster?  I didn't know… I just wanted to be good. I wanted it so badly.

"Good morning, girls." It was almost strange to see someone working here who didn't seem much older than us; the boy that leaned up against the counter with the polishes smiled and brushed his dark bangs out of the way. "I'm Nic, and I'm going to teach you all about the amazing world of…" He drew out the sound as his hand snatched up a bottle of polish and held it up for us to see. "Nail polish." A boy was going to be teaching us how to paint our nails? There had to be some sort of irony there.

It was horribly difficult to concentrate with all the self-loathing, but I was determined.  Nic talked a while about the polishes - types, textures, consistencies - then he talked about application, of bases and tops, of filing, of so much else, and by the time he finally finished the introduction and offered us to come pick a color, I'd already exhausted all my energy.  This was horrible.  It was like I was carrying around a two hundred pound weight, and I was sure a diaper wasn't that heavy.  Not yet, anyway…

"How're you holding up?" I whispered softly, my hand squeezing Audrey's for support. She liked that, the holding hands thing; I figured that one out in the small amount of time we'd known each other. "You know I was thinking, if we just avoid eating today… you won't have to go to the bathroom and you won't have to use that thing. We can save you the embarrassment." I was giddy at the thought, but Audrey seemed not quite so much. We got to the counter and I snatched up a yellow that was remarkably close to my own, and started to eyeball blues. "What about this one?"

"Sure…" It didn't matter to me.  Walking to the front of the room behind Staycee felt like I was walking toward my execution.  I just wanted to sit back down, just wanted to turn invisible, so when Staycee finally picked a color, I was elated.  Fourteen steps forward, three steps to the left, and sit… and then go back to trying to be invisible.

A girl brushed past Audrey on the way back to her seat and then gasped. "Oh, sorry, Audrey. I gotta be more careful, never know when you'll just wet yourself again." That was bad enough, it was. But then she lifted Audrey's skirt. She lifted her skirt! And pursed her lips. "Well at least you're protected." The fact she was diapered was news to at least some of the girls, despite all having been present at breakfast. I pushed the girl away and frowned. "Hey! That's not even cool, Lexi." "Oh, you siding with pants wetting Firsts now, Staycee?" I took a breath to retaliate, but Audrey put her hand on my arm and shook her head.
I put on as bright a smile as I could as tears started down my cheeks, looking at Lexi as sincerely as anyone could manage. "Thank you very much… I deserved that…" That shocked the whole damn room, Staycee included!  I led the way back to our seats and sat down, flatting my skirt first, and wiping the tears away from my eyes.  That was Hell.  And I finally understood why it was important to be treated this way… because I'd make damn sure I never got punished again, under any circumstance.  I'd never let this happen a second time.

"Why did you do that…? Why did you thank her for treating you that way, Audrey?" My hand squeezed hers as I pulled it up onto the table and looked at the clear base coat bottle. No time like the present, right? I gently unscrewed the cap and the smell of the polish hit me, making me pull back a little. Okay. You can do this, Staycee. For Audrey. Make her nails pretty and she'll feel pretty. She needs this.

I shrugged my shoulders, putting my hand out on the table for Staycee to paint, still using the other to wipe the tears off my cheeks. "It's best… that they treat me like that.  I learn faster… the worse this experience is for me, the more likely I'll never get myself in this situation again…" Would she understand that?  I wasn't even sure I understood it until just a second ago, but I certainly did now.  This was what I deserved.  A day of absolute Hell.

"You know you messed up. You'll try harder and I'll help you; I'll make sure we never leave our room without perfect presentation, and I'll teach you everything I know, too. Isn't that enough? Why should you suffer?" I began to brush the clear polish onto her nails; shaky at first, but by the time I finished that hand I was a lot more confident. Whether that would continue to the colored polish… that was another story.

"It's not like that… they told me when they brought me in… to change… they said I was ungrateful.  You know what this facility does for us?  All the trouble they go through to make us better people?  They don't have to.  They could just let us go to jail… and then I was so ungrateful, Staycee.  Of everything they did for me… so I deserve this.  And I hope it's horrible.  Because if it's bad, I won't do it again.  If it's nothing, I won't try…"

"But I'll help you! Positive help is better than punishment, isn't it?" I swapped hands and began to apply the base coat to her other, squeezing every so often to reassure her. A voice came from the other side of the room, though, and I winced as it carried. "Hey, Staycee? Is your girlfriend wet, yet? Have you checked? I hear babies can't tell." Three deep breaths, Staycee. Deep breaths. Don't flip out. Don't yell. Don't make it worse. I continued to paint and the voice added. "Or maybe she's saving it for when she messes." "I hope she doesn't do it in here." "Yeah, I'm done with messy diapers for the rest of my life." "Uhhuh."

More tears streamed down my cheeks as the barrages kept coming.  I didn't think any less of them - if anything, I thought only more highly.  Still, I couldn't keep myself from crying. "Thank you… very much…" "Does she have to say that?" I shook my head side to side.  Although it was encouraged, I was never told I had to say it. "You're pathetic." "Thank you…" "You're completely hopeless." "Thank you…" "I bet you like messing yourself." "Thank… you…" It was harder to say it after a while, and even harder after people kept it up just to hear me thank them for the insults.

"Stop it!" "Or what?" "Lexi, I swear, if you keep this crap up I'm going to…" "You heard what she said, Staycee. She wants this. It's important. Are you really going to go against your girlfriend’s wishes?" "She's not my girlfriend, and you're a cruel, nasty little piece of work and I can't wait until it's you in her position. Because when it is, Lexi?" Audrey tugged on my sleeve and shook her head, the tears still flowing down her cheeks. "Audrey! You're better than this, better than their petty insults, better than those words…" "Shyeah, like you two aren't dating. You practically dote over her like a child, Staycee." Another voice raised. "Well, she is a child…" I sat down and took Audrey's hand. "Ignore them." I'd hoped that the blue pot of polish would be enough to distract her, but it didn't seem like it even got a smile.

I felt like I would die.  Like any second, my heart would give out from all this stress, and I'd simply die.  Right there on the floor.  And then no one could say no one can die from embarrassment.  But the teacher let us go, my fingers painted, and Staycee's not.  And by the time I got back to our room, my tears still pouring, I fell down on our bed and curled up in a ball, crying even harder… "Almost there… one more class, and… and lunch and dinner… and almost there…"

I crawled into bed with Audrey and cuddled up close to her; she didn't allow me to at first, but eventually I managed to to convince her to let me pull her against my chest. And as I held her, I spoke softly, and I gently tied a ribbon around each of her wrists. "It's okay, Audrey, it's okay. Staycee's here, and I'm going to make you all better. Shh, don't fret now…" We didn't have our next class together, and I was terrified of what might happen without me there. "These ribbons will help you think of me when we're apart; no matter how bad it gets, you'll know your ribbon is there and you'll think of me. You'll think of being someone I'm proud of. So proud of. And then you'll be able to do anything, you'll see."

I must've fallen asleep, because the next minute, the clock read noon and a woman had knocked on our door. "Staycee - get to lunch.  Audrey will be there in a moment." Staycee got up and left the room, passing me a kind smile, and the woman came over with a fresh diaper and powder.  I knew I was wet.  I was wet in the middle of class.  I just didn't want Staycee knowing…

I sat down in the mess hall and made sure to keep Audrey's place for her; there wouldn't be any speeches - just a meal and a social break. At one table in the corner, Bethany sat and smiled weakly as the girls teased her; just like Audrey… she thanked them. She thanked them! What was going on?! This was so messed up, even for her, Desmond wasn't even at a table; she'd been ordered by… oh, of course, by Lexi, to sit on the floor at her feet and... touch her diaper? I sighed and looked over my shoulder, then back at our table. Come on, Audrey. Sooner we get done here, sooner we can get this day over this.

I sat on the bench beside Staycee and passed her a very exhausted smile.  I felt like I'd run a marathon, when in reality, I'd just had a nap… oh, what I wouldn't give for a real nap… that's what I'd be doing right after lunch, I guaranteed.  The food was brought out, and at about the same time the Headmistress came out as well.  Teasing stopped immediately.  It was encouraged - even the Headmistress had said so - and still, no one dared in front of her.  The Headmistress asked for Lexi to follow her and the food was distributed.  Though to me, and to my two "sisters", we were each given a liter bottle with the same milk.  I sighed and put it between my lips, sipping softly.  Still, no one teased, not with Lexi being taken away.

"Where do you think she's going? To be savagely punished, I hope. They should put her in a diaper and make her mess herself in front of the entire class group." I frowned and ranted to Audrey as I ate potato skins and a burger and a half, though she seemed very preoccupied with her milk. I went wide-eyed at the realization and looked her in the eye. "Audrey… is that First milk? Are you hazing?" I began to get anxious; I wanted to take such good care of Audrey, but I had no idea how to handle a girl in the midst of the babyhaze, not now! To my relief, however, Audrey shook her head.

"Wish it was… make this whole day go faster… but I'm not given that pleasure…" My tone was… well, exhausted.  I couldn't fathom going another six hours before bed.  Lexi came back ten minutes later with red cheeks and sat down at the table.  News spread pretty quickly about having Des touch herself wasn't in the parameters of a Third, and since Des has First status, it was Lexi who would be punished.  She got spanked, though, it seemed, though with the rule out in the open, it would be harsher next time.  It was strange - no one knew any rules here.  Everything was guesswork.  So when one came into the mix, it spread fast.

"Tonight, when this is over, we're going to dig out our cutest pajamas, and we're going to cuddle up really close and pretend we're sisters and that we're staying at our Aunt's place and she's kind've a jerk and doesn't pay her heat, so we need to cuddle for warmth. Sound good?" To me, the aspect of make believe and helping Audrey smile was the perk. To her, though, the faintest of little sparks in her eyes told that it was of a slightly different appeal.

Lunch was over pretty quick before the bottle-drinking mockery got out of hand, and then it was off to our rooms again.  I felt sick to my stomach, again, from drinking all that damn milk, and I was still dreadfully exhausted from all the crying.  Staycee's kindness toward cuddles tonight had excited me, but the fluttery feeling I'd managed to escape the whole morning started to return.  I was almost glad I wouldn't have Hypno and Class B with my roommate.  I still didn't understand why I was so strange around her…

"If you… if you need to go… I mean, you've had a lot of milk. If you need to go wet… it might be a good idea to do it in here where it's just us and nobody can tease you." It was something I'd thought about as I sat on the edge of the bed. "If you do it in here, it's private. Nobody will even know. But imagine if it happened in class? Or at dinner, in front of everybody? That amount of embarrassment…" I bit my lip and took her hand into mine, playing with her thumb on my lap. "It was easier… when we were Firsts, and everybody did this, and there was no teasing. Well, apart from jerky Seconds. Wasn't it?"

I nodded my head, curled up on the mattress, closing my eyes and trying to be ignorant to the facility for just a moment. "It'll be over soon… one more real class, and there's Hypno, and one meal.  And then bedtime.  And in the morning… things will be back to normal." Macro-manage.  Good strategy, Audrey.  But again, before I knew it, Staycee was shaking me and the clock read 1:24. "I fell asleep again…?"

I nodded softly and bit my lip. I wanted to tell her that she was wet; that she'd whimpered softly in her sleep, that her diaper had yellowed and she'd whispered 'thank you' over and over… but how do you even say something like that? So I didn't. I just kissed her cheek. It was strange how affection had permeated our dynamic. We were just friends; just the same as I was friends with most everybody here. But something about Audrey just… made me wanna take care of her. Like the girl in my dream. "Come on, let's get you up." I slipped off the bed and fetched the brush from the vanity, intent on fixing the exhausted girl’s hair.

We didn't have time for braids before Staycee had to go, and I checked my schedule to make sure Hypno hadn't changed.  It didn't, which was very convenient, but my Class B did, because I had to file it under the column "Punishment Day", which I assumed this was.  What did that mean?  Did it mean a class without everyone else - only me and the other two girls?  Or did it mean a class rotation, so I didn't see the same people twice or so I did see them twice… it really made no sense to me… regardless, I had Hypno first.

"Hello my pet." The man had a somewhat bemused look upon his face as he took in the girl before him; the faint smell of pee a telltale sign of her shame. "Shall I run a program intended for Firsts?" He smiled and closed the door behind her, wandering over to the equipment to start to prep the program.

I shook my head in shame, unable to look up from my feet.  It didn't surprise me that the tech knew about my situation, but… there was something particularly cruel about the way he mocked me.  Still, I deserved it.  Sadly, though, I couldn't thank the man.  Instead, I stood in the doorway, keeping my eyes on the ground.  It was all I could offer.

He opened a closet beneath the console and retrieved a towel, laying it out on the Hypno chair. "Here we go, my wet little pet. Just a precautionary measure." The girl’s cheeks burned and he smiled a little, waiting for her to move. It wasn't that he was being mean - it all seemed very in context. But still, he could see the humiliation burn in the girl.

I took my seat on the fluffy towel, closing my eyes in shame.  This was degrading.  It was one thing to wear the diaper, but he was a member of faculty!  And he damn well knew I wouldn't get the chair wet with what I was wearing… breathe, Audrey.  It's for the best.  It's a good thing.  He's doing you a service.

There was a certain amusement factor in the man’s face as he looked down at the program routine. Social blending and interactions was the intended program, but association of wetness to arousal was in the list and in her current condition.... he ran fingertips over the program disks and pondered with a smile. It was one of very very few sexual programs for Thirds; a precursor of things to come. With a smile, he loaded the disk. "Comfortable?" He approached the girl and started to pull down the headset. "They can never take your beauty away, no matter how much dignity they steal."

Yeah, yeah, whatever… just get this over with.  The helmet came down over my eyes and I very quickly accepted the blissful disappearance of the world around me.  The colors and lights and sounds were entrancing, and it was only a minute or two later I woke up, the headset removed, still sitting in the chair with a strange stirring in my stomach.  Hypno was so weird…

"How're you feeling, pet?" The man had spent the past hour contemplating his choice, but the moment he noticed the expression on the girls face, he just smiled. Sure, there was the risk of the girl associating urine to arousal, and of her now seeking to pee just to feel aroused. But it was a small price to pay to see the color in her peachy cheeks. "Is something the matter, cherub?"

I shook my head, wiggling uncomfortably on the towel.  My diaper was wet.  Very wet.  I didn't expect anything else after the shot and being hypnotized - after all, it was so similar to sleeping - but it was different.  I wasn’t eager to be changed.  It just felt different.  So, so different, and I couldn't stop wiggling in discomfort.

"Run along now, child. I'll see you tomorrow." A large part of the man didn't want her to go, an even larger part longed to pin the girl down and press her sodden diaper to her crotch and to make her squirm in delight. But that privilege wasn't his. So he helped her to her feet and patted her bottom lightly. "Don't dawdle now."

I made it back to the room before Staycee, checking the clock.  She still had fifteen minutes in her class… I climbed on the bed, lifting my skirt just enough to see the yellow plastic of the diaper.  I wasn't given the luxury of my blue diapers from One, though, and it made the yellow even more evident. I ran my fingers along the damp warmth, my fingertips quivering… what was I doing?

I'd managed to get all the way into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed before I spoke and it was only by words that made the exhausted and gasping girl aware of my presence. "Audrey...? Are you okay? You look like you've ran a marathon..."

My cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree and I tumbled sideways out of bed, falling hard on the floor and flattening my dress over my diaper.  When did she come in?!  Did she… no, I had the blanket on me… though I didn't know why. I shook my head, my cheeks burning, and stood up on shaky feet, still rocking from one foot to the next in mild bliss. "H..hey, Staycee… um… how… how was class?"

I pursed my lips in concern and looked at the girl before me, anxiously rocking from one foot to the other. "Class was fine. Are you okay? You look like you have squirrels in your pants." I took her hand and pulled the girl down onto my lap, her crinkling diaper squishing softly. She was really wet...

I whimpered softly as Staycee pulled me on her lap, still wiggling.  Ugh - it was uncontrollable!  I didn't like this, it just had been months since… and if I tried in underwear, I'd… diaper was more… convenient… what was Staycee talking about? "Y-yeah… I'm great… easy day… uhhuh…" I was having serious focus problems. "What… um… what was Class B like?" Though I already knew I wouldn't be going - I had another class I had to attend.

"It was okay." Small talk went a long way with Audrey and so I decided to try and draw her attention from whatever it was that had her in this state. "We were learning sitting and walking and the teacher watched me come in and sit and was like 'well you don't need any help at all', so I helped some of the others." I kept her pulled onto my lap, one hand wrapped around her waist and the other resting innocently in her thigh.

Being this close to Staycee, her lips so near my neck, I felt… intoxicated.  And with the uncontrollable wiggling, the wet diaper gently rubbing against my body, and her so close, I felt my fingertips lifting my dress, playing with the leg band of the diaper.  What are you doing, Audrey?!  You have your roommate here!  Get it under control!

My eyes noticed where her hand was and it was suddenly so clear. "Ohh! Oh darling. You have a rash, don't you?" I cuddled her close to me and smiled understandingly. "I'm so sorry. I'll go get the nurse to change you, okay? Gosh. You could've said something.”

"No!" What the fuck was that Audrey?! "I..I mean… um… I can't ask… um… they change me at meal times, so… yeah, if you ask, I could get in trouble." It was a complete lie, and I hoped upon hoped Staycee wouldn't notice.  It didn't matter how much I wet myself - they'd portioned my milk and given me this diaper.  It would hold up until dinner.  And I was thankful, too.  I didn't want to be changed.  Not yet.

No? Her explanation panned out well enough, but not the enthusiasm of her response. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, though, and nodded softly. "It just sucks because you have a rash and you're suffering. You're my favorite person here, Audrey. I don't like to see you suffer. Today was bad enough, putting you in a diaper like this? Making you thank people who tease you..."

I bit my lip and pinched my leg, trying to get some actual sense into me.  What the hell was I doing?  I had to stop all this.  I wasn't that turned on.  Though the tightness in my diaper said otherwise… "It's… it's really not that bad.  I mean, I thought it would be, and this morning sucked… but it's not that bad…" Maybe it was because I'd eluded the other girls for a good two hours, or maybe it was because I was craving stimulation, but the breakdown from this morning seemed so far gone.

"Well... okay. I'm just worried about you, precious. How about I help you pick out a new outfit for your next class?" Not that there was anything wrong with her outfit as it stood, but when I felt off color I always found changing could help. "Sorta wish you were a First, cause then I could change you myself. Get you all clean and powdery." I blushed a little and smiled. "Confession? I actually miss baby powder. Isn't that weird?"

I nodded my head, still wiggling on her lap. "Little bit." Don't judge, Audrey.  You're the one still in diapers as a Third!  I climbed off Staycee and closed my eyes, trying to center myself.  This wasn't me.  The flustered around Staycee thing, and the arousal.  It just wasn't me.  Take a deep breath, Audrey.  You're not afraid of her, and you'll have time to do whatever you want later.  It didn't help much, but I managed to stop wiggling back and forth, and in turn, that helped a lot.  

"Do I intimidate you, Audrey?" The question had been weighing on my mind for a little while now. "Like... we lay and cuddle and it's like you don't want me to touch you. And in the shower when you ran off..." I bit my lip and considered the other option. "That or you find me unattractive."

I shook my head very quickly, maybe too quickly, and blurted out, "No, no!  You're really attractive.  Promise!  I just… I don't know.  I'm not intimidated." Was I?  I didn't think so… but that one at least added up.  She was a girl who, from the start, was better than me at everything.  And then today, I got punished.  Maybe I was intimidated. "I mean, I don't think so.  I mean, I don't know.  I just get this feeling… like… ugh, I don't know how to describe it, and I'm sorry.  You're nice to me when everyone else isn't and I should be a better roommate…"

"Don't be sorry! You're an amazing roommate. I'm lucky I got you, really ~ you're pretty and smart and you sat up half the night taking care of me. Nobody else would've done that. I just mean... if I come across as a know-it-all, I can stop. I just wanted to help you.  I'd love to become a Forth at the same time as you. We could be besties." I smiled and stood up, kissing the girl’s cheek.

My cheeks heated up again and I started rocking again. "You're not a know-it-all.  I mean, you are…" Staycee picked out a new dress for me - a two piece outfit with a skirt and a pullover sweater - and I took off my blouse.  I missed my bra so much. "But that's a good thing.  I was a jerk.  If I'd listened in the first place, I wouldn't be in this position." She handed me my skirt and I motioned for her to turn around.

I used the opportunity to fix my lipgloss in the mirror and smiled to myself as I spoke. "I came on too strong. I intimidated you and made you feel like I thought I was better than you. And that's sucky." I set the tube of gloss down an tousled my hair a little. "I just wanna help, is all. Help you avoid this ever happening again." I bit my lip and smirked a bit. "At least you didn't mess yourself like Bethany. That must've been so humiliating for her. Poor girl."

"Yeah…" I decided to leave out the fact that Bethany, Des, and I all wound up in messy panties before they'd change us - these weren't facts that Staycee, or anyone, needed to know.  I slipped the skirt in place and tied the attached bow, then looked in the mirror.  It was less formal than my uniform and my dresses, but it was still looked very nice.

"You look gorgeous." She hadn't told me I could look yet, but I guess girls just sort of know these things. "So what class do you have? It's different to mine, right?" I thought about where I was heading; Hypno never usually bothered me, but after how woeful I'd felt following it yesterday, I was apprehensive at best.

"I have no idea… classroom 398.  It's all the way to the right, I think." I tried not to sound worried, but I really was.  This was a class specific to me and the other two punishment girls.  I was afraid there would be even more punishments, but it probably couldn't be worse than actually going to class would be.  Without Staycee to mitigate, I wasn't sure I could bear it.

My hand ran over hers and my fingers traced the ribbon I'd tied around her wrist earlier ~ it was Staycee yellow, of course. "Remember, you have this. Which means you have me. Always. When class is over... how about I let you watch me shower again?" I smiled with lit up cheeks; I knew she'd loved it deep down inside, this morning, and it was something I could offer.

"Um… I think I shouldn't.  It makes me…" I shook my head - it wasn't possible to explain.  I'd just sound crazy.  I slipped a barrette into my hair as Staycee watched, and I gave myself a smile in the mirror.  Aside from the awkward waddle I had grown out of, Staycee had picked an outfit that hid the diaper very well. "Maybe I should go… being early never hurt anyone." I didn't want to abandon Staycee again, but I was still having problems with the feelings in my stomach: they kept making me dizzy.

When Audrey got to the classroom, Bethany was already there and so was a particularly evident smell. She just had a smile on her face, though. Blissful. Desmond wasn't yet there; but it was still early.

The classroom was very much more like an office than a classroom.  Bethany sat away from me, which I didn't mind at all because she really smelled.  Would she have to sit that way until dinner?  It seemed almost masochistic… "Do… you know what this is about?  I mean… why aren't we in class with the others…?"

"We're being punished, Audrey. But soon, we'll be good girls. So many people are scared of doing bad now... so many people trying so hard now. All because of us. We're heroes, Audrey." She smiled and squirmed a little in her seat. Desmond arrived a moment later and sat down beside Audrey.

I put my arms on the table the way I do, and put my head down on those.  I didn't know what to do here, and talking seemed out of the question.  Bethany had completely lost it, and I wasn't sure how far Des was from that state, or how far I was for that matter.  I didn't want to enjoy this - it defeated the purpose.  I was supposed to hate it, and myself.  I'd learn better that way.

"Hello, how're my three naughty baby girls? One of you is embracing your role better than the others I see." The man from this morning flashed a smile to Bethany and she positively flowed in response. Desmond looked upset and gasped a little, shaking her head and clearing wanting the praise. The man sat up on the desk and looked at the three girls. "I suppose you're wondering why you're here." The sound of Desmond fulfilling her desires to be more like Bethany filled the room and the man winked at her. "You've all accepted your punishment. All embraced it. You know why you're little shitty baby girls; you messed up. And today, you're each going to make a video log, confessing what you did wrong, what you'll do to change it, and how lucky you were to be punished."

I bit my lip and raised my hand.  It was probably a stupid thing to ask, but I wanted to be clear on something.  The man nodded toward me and I put my hand back on the table. "I… um, for this video thing, what if we don't know what we did wrong?" The other two girls looked at me with complete shock. "No, no… I mean, I know I… um, took this place for granted.  I wasn't trying hard enough.  But I don't know where I really messed up.  Except the late to class thing…" I pushed my fingers together shyly.  I should've just kept quiet.

"Oh, it's not about specific incidents, kiddo. It's your attitude. It's the fact we paired you with the best of the best and you didn't listen to a word she said to help you." Desmond and Bethany both nodded with happy expressions. "You gotta do everything to be the best, Audrey." That was Desmond. The man nodded happily. "Even now you're not doing your best, Audrey. Your diaper isn't full, is it? Maybe you haven't learned a thing. Or maybe you love this. Maybe you wanna be a first again, what do you think girls?" "Uhhuh!"

I winced at the teasing, biting my lip and looking at the table shamefully.  I wasn't sure how they were doing it, but they actually made me more ashamed of having a clean diaper!  Granted, it was still very wet… "I… I don't just go.  The shot made me before, and it hasn't yet.  I'm not resisting, I swear!" I felt fresh tears on my cheeks.  Why was this happening? I just wanted to be a good girl.  I just wanted to learn and be better.

"Tell me what you want, Audrey? More than anything?" The man’s words were just so... heavy. Bethany and Desmond each got up and sat either side of Audrey, cuddling her close and filling the air with their stink. Bethany whispered first. "Be a good girl, Audrey. Be like us. It's so wonderful." And then Desmond. "Just push... let it all go.  Smile and know you're a good girl now. You're one of us."

This was gross.  I stood up very quickly and took three steps back from them all.  It was like a cult! "Listen here!  I understand what I did was wrong, and I'm making up for it!  I'm not fighting this or arguing or anything.  I'm being a good girl and I'm saying thank you when people make fun of me.  And I learned!  I really did!  I know I was wrong, and I'm going to do better so this never happens again!  And it's not fair that you say I'm not a good girl, it's not!  Because I am a better girl than both of those two!  At least I still understand this!  It's not about embracing shame.  It's about hating it and hating yourself for it.  So you learn!  And I do!  I hate myself, okay!  I do!" I was sobbing now, my breathing erratic.  Why didn't anyone understand?!

"Thank you, Audrey." The man smiled and motioned to the blinking red light ~ the camera that had recorded the entire outburst. "You can go. You understand." He smiled warmly, his tone not at all the same mocking voice that he previously used. The two girls looked confused, but said nothing. Audrey looked speechless too. "Is something wrong?"

I looked up at the light - the camera looking down on me - my tears slowly stopping, shaking my head in confusion.  I just looked at the man in front of me; Des and Bethany looked as confused as I did. "I.. I don't understand.  Why?" I’d argued.  I’d protested.  I yelled at that man!  He was part of the facility and I yelled at him!  Why wasn't I in trouble?  What was going on?

"You made your confession. You understand what you did wrong, why you were punished for it. You showed that you understand how this works. Your video will be shown over dinner. You may go. Congratulations." His smile was warm, comforting. Genuine. "Go to your room and relax for a while. I'm sure Staycee will finish her Hypno before you know it."

I shook my head in complete confusion as I walked out of the room, the door closing behind me.  What the hell just happened?  It wasn't until I got back to my bedroom, Staycee still absent, that I stopped caring about the meeting we'd had.  I was alone.  Alone time, in my room, without Staycee, and then I noticed how wet my diaper was.  And I found myself shifting from foot to foot.  And I found myself closing the door behind me, crawling into bed, unfastening my skirt, and sliding my hand down the front.  Staycee would have Hypno for at least another half hour!  And I intended very much to use that time wisely.  My skirt became a problem five minutes in, and it wound up on the floor.  I didn't care, though.  The clock still read 3:52, which meant classes wouldn't end for another hour, and I'd never known a Hypno session to take less than 50 minutes, even in Phases One and Two.  I ran my fingers along the front of the diaper, touching, squeezing, rubbing, moaning, quivering - it was all so euphoric - but the clock was ticking, and around 4:15 I decided better safe than sorry.  I rubbed faster, the dampness of the diaper pushing against my skin, so moist, so... warm?  The heat came out of nowhere and I realized I was wetting myself.  I was making the diaper more wet!  I couldn't contain my enthusiasm.  I continued to rub the plastic as the diaper filled, but was brought out of it abruptly by the mush against the seat.  No, no… come on, not now… the mess pushed out of me with no effort, filling the back of my diaper and the room with a wretched smell.  Why?  Why now?!  Fuck!  But I didn't stop.  My body was at war.  Disgust, and arousal… and each prevented the other from winning.  I wouldn't stop rubbing the warm contours of the diaper, but similarly, I could rub as fast as I could and wouldn't finish.

There was a pounding against my temples like a pair of jackhammers trying to burst free of the confines of my skull, and my world swam around me like I was walking through treacle; I'd felt this way since leaving the Hypno room. I was still mostly aware, though, and as my hand came to the knob of our door and I heard whining from inside. Whining and moaning, sounds of frustration, sounds of lust.  I let my hand drop to my side and bit my lip, looking left and right in the hall, before placing my ear to the door.  It was Audrey all right, gasping and panting and… she was touching herself? I bit a little harder and swallowed, trying to clear my blush. It had been so long since I'd… I hadn't even thought about it… but now so close to Audrey… I had to close my eyes. But I still listened through the door. Listened to the sounds of pleasure. Enviously.

I finally managed, though it required absolutely no movement from anything but my hand and I had to hold my breath.  Maybe this was how people got into asphyxiation - trying to orgasm without smelling their messy diapers.  I fell apart, after that.  The bed became my new everglowing shelter.  Everything was light and airy, except the seat of my pants, and I felt myself slowly drifting off.

I gave it a few minutes after the sounds had stopped before cracking the door open and wandering into the room. The smell was palpable, almost overpowering; but I made an effort not to recoil. She couldn't help it - it was punishment. Her features were soft and at peace, her hand still gently resting against the front of her diaper; though the sodden yellow plastic was almost torn apart from what had clearly been her masturbatory motions. She must've messed afterward, right? I believed that at first, but as I lay down on the bed and wrapped my arms around the sleeping girl I began to wonder.  The smell in the room was so strong, she must've done it earlier… but that meant she was touching herself in a messy diaper. That didn't make any sense to me.  But she was soundly sleeping and all I wanted to do was lay with her. My hand gently held hers atop the front of her diaper and I nestled my head on her shoulder - she was so far asleep she didn't even notice, though. Even now, even in an afterglow tainted by the smell of her own shameful mess, Audrey was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. And for a moment I wished I liked girls.

[Sophie ♥]

Part III: Dream Girls

The knock on the door woke me, and upon finding Staycee next to me in bed, I toppled out almost exactly the same way I had the first time I'd noticed she entered the room when I was doing inappropriate things.  One thing was different, though: this time when I hit the floor, I didn't stand up.  I searched frantically for my skirt, which was, unfortunately, on the other side of the bed.  Staycee had sprung awake too at my sudden movements and peered at me with sleepy eyes off the edge of the bed.  How long had she been there?  What did she see?  I wasn't wearing my skirt, and the room smelled so foul...

Casually, I reached down the side of the bed and fetched Audrey's skirt, tossing it to her on the other side before wandering over to the door. "Who is it?" "It's Rochelle. I'm here to get Audrey changed before dinner." "Okay, just a second." I looked over my shoulder at the girl and waited for her to get her skirt fastened. Once she had it secured, I opened the door and let the nurse in. "I'll go on ahead to the mess hall, okay?" I smiled at Audrey and slipped out into the hall. She was so panicked, and I figured it was best not to mention what I knew.

Rochelle recoiled almost instantly on entering the room - I guess she hadn't expected that.  But if she noticed so easily, Staycee did for sure.  Ugh, what the hell was wrong with me… "Lie down please." I did as instructed, detesting the knowledge that I'd be sharing a bed with Staycee tonight while I was diapered.  How did they take care of the shots, anyway?  Did they give you a second one or did the first just wear off?  I shrugged my shoulders as Rochelle laid me down to change my diaper.  No one had done this since Penelope, and I suddenly felt very small again.

It was clear enough to the practiced nurse than the diaper she was changing wasn't within the realms of normality; between the intense wetting, the squirmed around mess in the rear that almost covered the girl’s thighs, and the padding that was displaced in bunches at the front… it was very obvious what had happened. Audrey had been touching herself. It wasn't unheard of, of course - punishments for Thirds and Fourths often included diapers and with the developing libidos it sometimes turned to fetishizing. Still, Audrey wasn't supposed to be at that stage yet. Rochelle taped up the diaper into a ball after a very arduous cleaning process, then laid out the fresh square of padded plastic. This one though: this one was blue. "Malcolm thought you deserved a reward."

"Malcolm?" I didn't know any staff members by name, and since no one but staff were boys, I figured it was a staff member she was talking about.  Regardless, despite who Malcolm was or wasn't, I got a blue diaper!  My blue!  I wondered what they did with all the diapers we never used in our particular colors - I always figured they just got thrown out, but this made a lot more sense.  We might need things like this for later Phases.

"Malcolm. Your disciplinarian facilitator." She sprinkled powder on the girl and gently rubbed it in before taping the diaper up between her legs. "He said your confession speech was the best he's ever heard, and that you're all sorts of brilliant." Rochelle stood up and used some wipes to clean her hands as she smiled. "I can't wait to see it over dinner. You must be famished, too. Go along now, your friend is waiting." She paused and then added, quickly. "Oh, touch up your gloss before you go."

I nodded thankfully and quickly applied more lipgloss the way Staycee taught me before waving to Rochelle and leaving the room.  I wasn't late for dinner, but I came close.  I sat down next to Staycee, an extra inch between us, and didn't say a word.  What did she know?  She clearly saw my diaper, and she had to have known it was messy.  Why was this so complicated?  Still, the glow of being called brilliant and being allowed in a blue diaper hadn't left me.

"You look smiley." I let my hand search out Audrey's beneath the table as had become my way, and I scooted in to normal proximity distance. "You looked so peaceful when I got back, and my head was swimming really badly again so I don't really remember much. Just getting back to the room and laying down and cuddling with you and then the nurse coming." I neglected to include the fact she was messy, or that I knew she'd been touching herself. Those details were best left unshared. "Did she get you out of your wet diaper okay? I know you don't like being in them, but it's almost over."

Wet diaper?  So she didn't know?  I gave her a kind smile and nodded.  She just fell asleep.  Hypno did make her awful sick yesterday… maybe it did today too.  Maybe she didn't notice anything.  Clearly she knew I wasn't wearing my skirt, but that was nothing to other realizations she could have had.  I smiled widely to myself, then to Staycee. "Yeah.  She said I was a very good girl.  And tomorrow I'm out of these diapers and I'm never going to be in them again.  I'll make sure of that."

"I know you will, because you're going to try extra hard and I'm going to help you, and we're both going to be the best this place has ever seen." I smiled contently and squeezed her hand, setting my head on her shoulder. By the far wall, there was a projector screen behind the podium, but no sign of the Headmistress yet. Bethany and Desmond sat together, though neither of them seemed very happy at all; red puffy eyes showed recent tears. I nodded over to them and whispered, "How are they? You had class with them, right? What happened?"

"I… really don't know." I tried thinking back to Malcolm and the two girls, but I had no idea what happened. "They were all… I don't know.  I just kind of yelled at them and the man who was in charge.  And then I was told I could leave.  And they had to stay, so I guess they were still in trouble.  I don't know why I got to go, though.  He said because I understood, but I don't even understand what I understand.  But I guess they're going to show some video of me…" I hated the spotlight.  I really hated the spotlight.

We were all sat down when the lights went dim and a picture appeared on the screen; it was Bethany first; an idealistic look in her eyes as she talked about how important it was she be punished, that she had to serve as a reminder to everybody else to work hard. She talked about how she was less than First, because First's don't get a choice and she did and she still chose to mess up, but she cherished her punishment and encouraged everybody to make fun of her whenever they got the chance, because she'd come to cherish the shame. Desmond's video was next; she was crying and shaking her head - blubbering like an injured toddler about how sad she was that she'd failed, how she didn't deserve to be a Third. She spent a long time begging to be allowed to be a First again, but the off-screen voice of the man prompted her to stay focused. And finally, there was Audrey. Audrey yelling! Seething. And then the voice off-screen told her she could go, and the frozen image on the screen as the film stopped was her bewildered face. Nobody said anything - if the first two videos had shocked them, the last one - Audrey's - had taken away any words they might have had. I whispered soft as I could. "You're… amazing, Audrey…"

I shrugged my shoulders - I wasn't trying to be modest, I simply didn't understand.  Des and Bethany's videos made a lot more sense to me; they were about being better girls, how they didn't deserve to be Thirds, and that made sense.  Mine was just about how I hated myself.  I sounded so… emo.  I put my head down shamefully, but I could still feel people's eyes on me.  What did I do wrong this time?

The lights came up as the Headmistress took the podium. "As you have seen, girls, the first of you have been punished today. Three girls who didn't try their hardest have paid the price for their misconceptions. But only one has truly grasped the lesson at hand. Audrey, please stand up." All eyes looked at the girl and I squeezed her hand as she did, though she didn't look up. The Headmistress continued. "We don't train you to crave shame, children. We don't punish you to hurt you. We administer discipline to show you the consequences of your actions, and to help you see why those decisions are bad. Audrey feels poorly of herself right now, but she knows its only because she feels poorly of her actions. Tomorrow, as she strives to excel and to never allow herself to be in this position again - as should you all, I might add - she'll feel much better of herself. She'll hate her previous attitude, but she will not hate herself. Applaud her, girls. She's learned a lesson valuable to you all." The group didn't need another prompt; they all burst into applause - even Lexi! - and only stopped when the Headmistress spoke again. "Is there anything you'd like to share with the group before we commence dinner, Audrey?"

They… applauded me?  But I yelled at Malcolm.  And I was aggressive and… and very not me.  But then again, me was the girl who got in trouble in the first place.  Maybe that's what this was all about, anyway.  Changing us.  Des and Bethany were still young… craved the attention of shame, even though it was hurting them.  But I didn't.  I hated it, and I hated myself for allowing it to happen… so when the Headmistress asked me if I had anything to say, I nodded my head.  It was very unlike me to make a speech, though, so I kept it short. "I'm grown up, and you're all still children." And I took my seat.

The Headmistress smiled and left the podium and food was brought in before she'd even left the room; I kept looking at Audrey in awe and when she finally pouted at me I blurted it out. "I'm so proud of you!" I didn't want to gush, of course, but I really was pleased with my roommate. I bit my lip as I looked at the platters of food and then glanced back at Audrey. "Do you think I'm still a child, too? It's okay if you do - you might be right. I'm just curious." As before, I only took a single burger and a small handful of vegetables and fruit.

I followed Staycee's rule of thumb, this time, though I took a porkchop instead of a burger. "I think so, yeah." I didn't mean to be offensive, and even the way that I said it, I was sure no one in the room took it that way. "I mean, it's so much more than I thought.  I didn't realize it until the Headmistress said it, but I think I understand what this Phase is all about.  Bad things happen, sometimes, like my punishment today, and sometimes in the real world bad things happen for no reason.  And you can do two things.  Give up, like Des did, like Bethany did so quickly, or work harder." Staycee was endlessly curious at my words, but I didn't finish my thought until I took my first bite of porkchop - damn was it good. "You're perfect.  Perfect people don't get in trouble.  And if you never get in trouble, you never learn how to act when you do." And as an afterthought… "I hope everyone gets punished here.  You, too.  And I hope Des and Bethany get it again.  Because in the real world, if people go like this - as such… babies - they're going to fail, Staycee."

It was odd to hear something so profound from a girl who'd been rubbing herself off in a messy diaper, but it made a whole lot of sense.  I smiled softly as I nodded and took a bite of my carrot stick. "So… I need to help you work harder and be better, and you need to help me… get in trouble?" It was such an absurd notion, but I took another bite of carrot and smiled. She was right, really.  Desmond and Bethany had given in, had sold out; Audrey had pushed through it and come out a stronger person. And maybe that was the point of all this.

I shook my head and smiled at my roommate - the girl who still, at this moment, made my stomach spin. "No - I don't want you going through that.  I think I'll just find a way to help you understand.  An alternative.  I think you'll learn that way." Dinner was great, as expected, and though the teasing continued through the whole ordeal, no one dared say a word to me.  I figured they were still trying to figure out why I said what I’d said, and what I meant by it.  Maybe I should have been more clear.  The doors opened and everyone made their way back to their rooms.  There was a common room - a general play area - and we were all encouraged to play there.  I would have, too, if I hadn't exhausted myself completely from the day of crying and backwards emotions.  Staycee followed, too, though she waited in the hallway until I found some pajamas to wear.  I laid on the bed, dazed, but not asleep.  I liked this state - it kept the stomach sensations around Staycee in check.

"I had a dream today. During Hypno. That same dream that I sometimes have, about the girl I take care of." I was sitting at the head of the bed with my legs crossed; Audrey was laying next to me in a half dazed state. "I've never had a dream in Hypno. Usually it's just… the headset goes on, and then I wake up. But I was so sick yesterday, and today, too. And then having a dream… it's so weird." I looked at the bottle of nail polish in my hands and looked at my toes, wondering what they'd look like painted.

"I think you should tell someone, honestly.  It's not a good idea to go under the hypnosis stuff if it's giving you headaches.  I don't know much about hypnosis, but I know headaches can be a sign of a lot of bad head stuff." My words were soft, but still audible.  I tried to look at Staycee in front of the vanity, but my vision was a little fuzzy.

"I'm sorta worried they'll think there's something wrong with me and take me out of Phase Three. And that would be okay and all, except I want out of this place so bad.  And I sort've have this friend that I don't exactly wanna be away from. She had this metamorphosis today and I just wanna be around her all the time. So I can't tell anybody." I turned around and smiled, then put my foot up on the edge of the vanity, sitting down on the stool and focusing on my toes as I started to paint them with the base coat as I'd been taught.

I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling.  The ceiling was much easier to look at. "They won't take you out of Phase Three - you're too good at it.  They might even discontinue hypnosis for a while until you're better.  I think you should go for it.  You're the best kid here.  Nothing bad will happen." I was pretty sure, anyway.  Plus, the Headmistress seemed on even better terms with Staycee than with me!

"I was the best here. You heard the way she gushed about you, though." I leaned back a little too far on the stool and as I tried to right myself, my head started to spin again and I fell backward onto the floor behind me, hitting my head on the edge of the bed with a heavy 'thud'. Images in my head danced of the girl I could never remember, our humble life on the run and how I kept her safe. And what she did to be there. I opened my eyes to a very concerned expression from Audrey staring down at me and managed a smile. "I'm okay… I think. What happened?"

"Tomorrow, please, talk to them…?  You're really worrying me." I helped Staycee up off the ground and into the bed.  I tidied up the nail polish she left open on the vanity, and came to lie down next to her. "If you don't tell someone, I will.  I mean it." I pulled the covers over us both, though I made sure we weren't touching.  Even with my exhaustion, her closeness was a real problem.

I didn't like that she was holding it over me, but she was also probably right. Something was wrong. I'd known that about the dreams the moment they started, but I didn't want to admit it. We lay under the covers and in the dim light and despite the distance between us I rolled over and cuddled the girl’s chest, not allowing a protest. "The girl, in my dream…? She was a criminal because she escaped from here. But she never told me what she did to get sent here." I wasn't sure I should be sharing this, but if I was going to be telling them tomorrow, I wanted Audrey to know. "She told me… when I dreamed just then. What she did, I mean. It all felt so real, it always does, and then I wake up."

"I had a dream once that all my teeth fell out.  I could actually feel my teeth.  Like, it was really bad.  But then I woke up.  Dreams always feel real, I think… that's the point." I felt my eyes slip closed, and when I opened them again, Staycee was asleep.  I must have drifted off.  I touched her cheek, smiling a little blissfully to myself, and fell back asleep again.  Tuesday was different.  Like the day before, I climbed out of bed before Staycee, but I changed myself into a loose nightgown before leaving the room.  Today was the first day of my new life - I wasn't about to mess it up.

"I misjudged you, you know." The voice was Lexi - the girl who'd had so many nasty things to say less than a day ago was now very level and chipper with her choice of words. "You're not like Bethany or Desmond. You didn't break, even after everything me and the others said to you. We looked down on you but you ended up being the one so far above us." Lexi was an odd girl; she was almost six feet tall, but it didn't diminish her femininity at all - she just played off her long legs and her olive skin. She was no less perfect in complexion to the rest of us, though. "You lit a fire under all of us, though." The pair approached the shower area, and like before there were numerous pairings making out in the hot water. "We're all going to be trying so much harder, trying to hit your standard. And that's going to make it really hard for anybody to excel."

"It's also gonna make it easier to fail." The statement was simple, and it was one I'd been thinking about.  My "lighting a fire" as Lexi put it, was in high favor of the facility.  I didn't mind helping them out, but I started to wonder if they counted on me doing so.  Clearly, someone would have to stand up eventually.  They'd get praised.  But did they know it was going to be me?  Oh well - it didn't matter now anyway.  I stepped past Lexi with a smile and gave a small wave before walking under the warm water, nightgown and all, and starting to wash my hair.  People stared, and I knew they would, but I didn't care.  I was going to look absolutely gorgeous from now on, no matter what.

"Oh, she's dating Staycee - you know, the little know-it-all? Bet she doesn't want anybody to see her girlfriend naked." "Yeah, but Staycee parades around naked all the time." "Maybe she's just possessive?" The whispers over the sound of the water were varied and not always audible, but eventually the stares died down and the girls went back to their own business, leaving the clothed girl to shower in her nightgown. Lexi showered, and Aimee arrived too - there wasn't any sign of Staycee, though, even by the time Audrey had finished.

I used a towel to dry my hair first, still standing in the sopping wet nightgown.  Washing my body wasn't too difficult - I had worn the loosest piece of clothing I owned for a reason.  Aimee smiled at me and followed me to the counter where we both sat the morning before. "See you found away around your shower fear, huh?" "It works well enough." I smiled warmly.  I'd really taken a shine to Aimee.

"I think it's cute. Your modesty, I mean." Aimee ran the towel through her hair and shook the large quantity of blonde hair out like a shaggy dog, then smiled with a slightly queazy look on her face. "Always hate that part. Anyway. So wow, is it true, what the girls are saying? You and your pretty little roomie are involved? I think you make an adorable couple, personally. Easily the number one couple here for cuteness factor. You're both ten out of ten, in my book." She was busy using the towel now to dry her delicate skin - only ever patting, never rubbing; her skin was too sensitive for that - as she spoke.

I blinked in confusion as Aimee dried off. "Staycee and me?  No… why would we be together?" Then again, now that I thought about it, a lot of people were together.  I had stopped noticing yesterday after my punishment started, but all the girls at lunch, and all the girls in the showers… at least half the girls here were fooling around. "No… um… Staycee likes boys.  She said so.  And I don't like her that way.  We're just friends."

"She likes boys?" Aimee seemed entirely surprised by the fact and she shook her head with pursed lips. "No way. She's a total lezzie, that girl. I know straight girls; Amber is straight. She babbles about boys all the time, she can't wait for Fourth so she can get some hands on time with a boy. Staycee isn't like that; I see her gaze when she's looking at everybody else in the cafeteria. She likes her partners pretty, I guarantee it." She smiled and finished toweling off, then stood up and turned to look at Audrey, holding both her hands as she took her 'serious talk' voice. "She likes girls, Audrey. No matter what she says. And if you like her, or think you might? Make her yours. Because others will if you don't, and nobody will be as good for her as you are."

I shook my head as I walked back from the showers toward my room.  Staycee likes boys.  She told me.  She wouldn't lie… she had nothing to gain from that.  Unless she didn't like me.  Maybe she said it so I wouldn't advance on her… but that didn't make sense - I wasn't interested!  But she didn't know that.  I shook my head again and again.  I didn't understand this.  I turned into the hallway with our room and nearly bumped right into Staycee, who looked very rushed. "Oh… um… morning."

"I feel terrible…" I rubbed the sides of my head and winced, my eyes were red and I had a generally disheveled look to my usually very perfect hair - all abundantly obvious signs that I hadn't slept very well throughout the night. "Wish these dreams would go away. I keep pining after that girl." I sighed a little and looked down at my hands, blinking a dozen times to try and clear my exhausted head. "Look at me…I'm a mess. I just don't know what to do, I don't have anybody I can trust to talk to about any of this."

I gave Staycee a kind smile and took her hand, leading her back into our bedroom.  I sat her down on the edge of the bed, facing away from me, as I changed myself into new clothes.  Panties had never felt so good!  I was a little fearful of an accident, but it had been all morning and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  I guessed the drugs were out of my system. "You can talk to me, you know.  And I thought you didn't like girls… so what's with you liking the one in your dream?" I figured I could do a bit of digging of my own.

"I like girls. I prefer girls. But they made me like boys bits, so I guess I'm stuck with the prospect of boys." I bit my lip and looked down at my hands. "Maybe that's why I like dream girl. She's… from here. So I guess she appeals to this really messed up state they've put me in." I managed to look up at the wall and sighed a bit. "I actually find boys really unappealing." It was a long pause before I continued and decided to put my trust in Audrey. "If I tell you about the dreams… about her… you gotta promise not to tell anybody."

"Why?  Are they dirty or something?" I changed into a two piece outfit - always a skirt, always a blouse - and returned to Staycee.  I didn't sit on the bed next to her - instead, I pulled the vanity chair over and sat across from her. "I mean, if these dreams are bugging you, you really should tell someone.  Oh!  Maybe they could have something to do with the headaches.  Some kind of hallucination or something…"

"They're not dirty…" Well, mostly not. There was that one, but I wouldn't talk about it. I bit my lip and looked up at Audrey, her pretty blue eyes so unique and yet so familiar. We all had the same eyes here, so that paradox made sense. "She was from here. And she broke out when she was a First. But they made a her a Zero for a while, so she was… it was so hard for her. But she shouldn't have even been here! You know why?" There was a sense of frustrated indignation in my voice. Why was I so passionate over this?

"Hm?" It seemed like a story someone told her when she was young, and she was remembering it like a storybook too.  All fantasy.  Escaped the facility after spending time as a Zero.  Those alone were two myths.  And the idea of being wrongly accused… there was due process for a reason.  Everyone here belongs here.  This place made us better people.

All the emotion I felt in the dream, all the sorrow and the sadness and the hollow empty pain found me for real and I started to wring my fingers. "She was such a good person and this place did so many horrible things to her. She wasn't even supposed to be here, Audrey! She wasn't…" The wringing hands gave way to falling tears and I shook my head, my own meagre feelings no comparison for those of the dream. "It was all Catherine's fault…"

I felt my heart double its pace in my chest. A feeling balled up in me.  A feeling I wasn’t used to. "Is this some kind of sick joke or something?!" I couldn't remember the last time I felt real anger, but this… it came out of nowhere. "What the fuck Staycee! How do you even know that?!" I was absolutely livid, trembling, having somewhere in my sentences stood up and knocked over the vanity chair. When was the last time I swore?  Months ago?  Phase One? “Where did you hear that?!  Where!  I fucking mean it!"

"I… I… what?  The girl in my dream, she…" Between the sadness that was seeping into me from the dream girl’s plight, and the anger that Audrey projected with such furious contempt… I just started to cry. I curled up and I cried. I sobbed, even. "I didn't do anything wrong… I didn't hear anything anywhere… the girl in the dream.  Nobody told me it, nobody I promise.  Why are you yelling at me?" I was rocking back and forth now, shaking my head. What had I done wrong?!

I stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me.  I walked as quickly as I could, my fury building, until I found the admin hallway and knocked on the first door: A31.  I didn't even look who answered when I screamed at her: "I want to see the Headmistress.  Right.  Fucking.  Now!" How could she know?  How?  Someone told her.  The Headmistress or staff or someone.  They had no right!  It was my reason.  Mine!

The Headmistress walked into the small office after a few minutes of Audrey being alone, and closed the door behind her. "What seems to be the problem, Audrey?" She pulled out a chair and sat across from the young girl, crossing her seamed-stocking-clad legs at the knees and taking off her glasses to gently clean them. She never looked rattled or shaken; always as though she'd stepped out of a magazine page.

I had finally stopped crying.  I didn't realize I was crying until I made it to the small waiting room, but I knew I'd started back in my bedroom.  It was my natural reaction to frustration now, and I was almost sure that would never go away. "Staycee knows why I'm here.  Someone told her.  Had to have been you or a staff member or something, but she knows.  And she's mocking me, and it's not fair!  I haven't told anyone!" I was pacing back and forth, but then I stormed up to the Headmistress.  Even sitting, shorter than me, she seemed more powerful. "Make it go away!  Give me someone else to live with!  I've been good!  Just make her go away!"

The Headmistress frowned and shook her head slowly. "Audrey, your file has been locked. Classified, actually. It was at the behest of yourself when you were enrolled, don't you remember? Quite literally the only people in this facility who know your reason for being here are the two of us. And I promise you, I give you my word as administrator of this facility - and I'll swear it on a Bible if you so choose - that I did not inform Staycee. Now slow down, and sit, please. Let's talk about this. How did this come up?" Admittedly, there was a calming, soothing quality to the woman's voice as she spoke; as though all her suggestions were the best ideas in the world and that she ought to be listened to.

I stomped my foot and tightened my fists, but sat down in one of the wooden chairs, crossing my arms. "I don't know.  She keeps babbling about these dreams.  And then today she started saying about how the girl in her dreams…" I shook my head, looking at my feet, a bit of anger seeping out of me and my fists loosening. "She used Catherine’s name.  She said it was her fault.  I don't get it… someone has to be giving her information.  And she's using it to torture me… I don't torture her with what she did wrong!"

"Staycee told you all of this? Are you sure?" She was concerned, but did very little to show just how deep her concern ran. Instead, she focused on Audrey and smiled across at her. "I promise you these dreams of hers will not continue. We'll have them removed in her Hypno today, as well as her memory of what she's repeated. I'll investigate the source of the anomaly, as well. Please don't write her off, though - we have very high hopes for the both of you. And I assure you, child, she doesn't associate her dreams to you. She has no reason to. To her, they're only dreams. And after today, they won't even be that."

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet.  I played with my fingers in my lap, trying to think of what to say.  I'd gotten so upset, and I should have known the Headmistress could take care of this for me.  And I threw a temper tantrum like that. "I just don't understand how she can dream about me… about things I've never said before…" The only conclusion I could come to was that she read minds, and that didn't make any sense.

"It could be many things, child. Perhaps you talk in your sleep, or perhaps it's just coincidence. People find what they want to find in stories; like horoscopes. It may just be something that seems familiar, but really isn't. Catherine is a very common name.  Regardless, these dreams seem to be troubling the both of you, so I'll take care of the issue." She stood up and ran her fingers through the girls hair, brushing back her bangs with a maternal smile. "You're going to be our poster child, Audrey. Our success story. But to get there, you need Staycee. And she needs you. Thank you for coming to me. Will there be anything else?"

I shook my head with a kind smile, nuzzling up to her hand.  The affections Penelope gave me had never quite left me, and no one had yet to satisfy them.  I loved when the Headmistress was affectionate, for that reason.  I hoped, one day, I could find a girl who understood that as well.  The Headmistress told me to go straight to breakfast - that Staycee would be there afterward.  So I did.

"Hey girl, where's Staycee?" Aimee sat down next to Audrey at the table - in Staycee's usual seat - and smiled. She would've moved if the girl had showed up, but there was no sign of her. And Aimee wasn't the only one who noticed, either; there were stares and whispers, but nobody else said anything to Audrey's face.

I shrugged my shoulders, still feeling a little off balance from the sudden rush of anger. "She's been having bad dreams, so the Headmistress is helping her out with them." And if almost on cue, the podium was taken by Malcolm.  He made the standard introduction, mentioning that the Headmistress couldn't do every breakfast session since she was a busy woman, and called three new people to the stage.  I didn't know any of them though, not personally, anyway.  One of them was in my Class B with Aimee.  When the girls were out of the room, Malcolm gave the second part of the speech I hadn't heard before - how they were disrespectful, how they needed to be relentlessly mocked, teased, tortured throughout the day.  I understood all that, though.  It really did help.

"So barbaric…" Aimee shook her head as she watched the girls led out of the room, and then listened to Malcolm talk. "He's such a jerk. I'm really glad I'm never going through this stuff." She tousled her blonde locks thoughtfully and pursed her lips. "Do you think I should wear my hair up? I think it'd look really cute, up, though I've always worn it down." Always was relative, really; she'd only had hair long enough to wear up or down for a few months. But for most of us, life really began here.

"I like Malcolm.  He's aggressive, sure… but he gets results.  I guess that's the point of these phases anyway, right?  You could have someone nice and cuddly, and you could be here an extra six months." It wasn't like me to speak my opinion, but recently I found myself quite good at it.  Mostly, though, it was because I found myself more knowledgable than everyone else. "I like your hair down.  How do you get it all… whooshy like that?" I wasn't aware the B class I missed the day before was hair care and styling.

"Oh. It's about how you dry it. Gotta get the excess water off without disturbing the hairs very much, and then I go back to my room and blow dry it." She seemed really proud of the information she'd learned, and for Aimee who didn't have a whole lot of academic brilliance, having something to be proud of was a pretty big cause for celebration. "I'll come back to your room tomorrow and do your hair after we shower, okay?" There were plates starting to be brought out and despite the lack of Staycee, nobody seemed to have lost their appetite.

I agreed with Aimee's idea - I'd love to learn how to make my hair look a little less flat - and started on eating.  I kept Staycee's template on food consumption, and by the time I finished eating everything I wanted to, the doors were open.  I had hypnosis first, of course, but I made sure to stop by my room to check on Staycee.  She was sitting on the bed, biting into an apple, and I took a deep breath.  Would she remember me yelling at her? "Hey Staycee…"

"Audrey!" I got up off the bed and wrapped my arms around her, cuddling her tight and then biting the apple over her shoulder before breaking it away and smiling. "I missed you a lot. Where've you been?" I took another bite and sat back down on the bed, happy and carefree and very much my usual self. It didn't remember much of this morning, really. Waking up with bad dreams, going to get some help and then… I was back here. With an apple.

"Breakfast… you feeling better?  You were in a pretty bad mood this morning, awful pouty." I was careful not to mention the dreams she'd had, or mention my yelling at her.  I didn't want to undo anything the Headmistress could have done.  And I hoped beyond hoped she'd completely forgotten when I'd done to be put in here.  I never wanted her to know… anyone to know…

"Uhhuh. Had some bad dreams and headache stuff, went to see one of the doctors and they gave me a shot to help with the pain and said the dreams shouldn't be a problem anymore. It's weird, though, I kinda feel hazy, like you know how you get post Hypno? Anyway. I don't remember the dream anyway, just that it was crappy. I'm glad you're back though, I missed you - you were gone when I woke up. Meaniepants." I poked out my tongue and rolled back on the bed, regarding the apple core in my hand. "You know, they need to make a core-less apple. I'd be so happy with that."

"I would probably eat more apples." I smiled warmly and sat down on the bed next to Staycee.  She didn't remember.  I took her hand in mine and sighed softly, a smile on my lips.  There was so much electricity in the air, and I found my stomach turning again.  What Aimee said came up again in my head… if I liked her, I should claim her.  But I didn't.  These feelings were… different.  Right?  I could hardly even remember what a crush felt like.

Audrey was looking at me so funny, a sort of glance that went far beyond my eyes. I gave her a sidewards smile and tilted my head off-center as she stared, her hand in mine. "What's on your mind, cutie pie? You look thoughtful." There was a sort of distant exhaustion in her eyes; like something tragic had happened but it was only a memory and still… there was something else there in those sparkling pools of blue. A longing.

"Huh..? Oh.  Sorry.  I spaced out a bit." I felt my cheeks get a little hot and went over to the vanity, adding a clip to my hair and glossing my lips for the second time that morning.  The diaper I had taken off this morning was gone, too.  I supposed I owed that to the nurses. "You better get ready, missy - we're gonna be late to class!"

"Okay, okay." I got up with a giddy smile and wandered over to the closet to pick out a yellow top and a pair of white cut-offs; it was a little more risqué than my usual affair, but I had nice legs and I wanted them to be noticed. By who I didn't know. I got changed quickly and pulled my hair into two pigtails that were altogether a juvenile juxtaposing of the more mature look of my clothes; the whole look screamed teenage cock-tease though. "What do you think?"

I bit my lip and gave a kind smile, trying to keep my thoughts clear.  I didn't like her.  I needed to keep that memorized. "You look stunning.  Now come on - lip gloss, and we gotta go.  Only four minutes until class, and I am not getting in trouble again." I waited for Staycee to finish her ensemble with the lip gloss and I took her hand, leading her down the hall.

"You know, I think if it wasn't for the me-having-to-date-a-boy thing? I'd totes date you, Audrey." It was a thought that only really occurred to me as we walked down the corridors hand-in-hand. I liked this. I liked holding hands with her. I liked being called stunning, and I liked that we cuddled. I could get used to this. "I know you're not really into me or anything, but I mean, just saying. Me, you, holding hands and going grocery shopping? I could totes see that."

"Uh… yeah." I bit my lip, making sure not to look backward at Staycee.  She liked me?  Why does that even matter!  You don't like her.  It's just a weird feeling you get when you're around her, and when your fingers touch, and when she plays with your hair, and… ugh.  Class.  Focus on class.  Be a good girl - get out of Phase Three early.  Move on with your life, Audrey!

We got to class together - I liked that we shared this one - and sat down at our table. Everybody else was there, but at least we weren't late. Fittingly, the two chairs left were together; obviously everybody else figured we'd wanna sit next to one another. The teacher wasn't here yet, but there were no props or anything set up this time. "Anybody know what the class is?" One of the girls - Maryanne - piped up and smiled. "Introduction to flirting." Flirting? My eyes went wide and I smiled. That sounded fun!

Bianca - one of the girls who was called on stage earlier that day - sat at the very back of the room.  I didn't blame her.  Two of the girls next to her were already teasing her and I bit my lip.  I wanted to chime in.  I wanted to help Bianca learn.  She needed to learn.  Everyone did.  But it made my chest hurt to think about it.  Staycee shook me a little and I blinked, catching her eye. "Oh… sorry, lost in my head… what was the class?"

"Flirting." I shook my head at the girls who were teasing Bianca, and resolved not to say a word. "Introduction to flirting. I've never flirted before, and I think that will be an important skill if I ever want to land someone cute to look after." Looking after people… I liked doing that, right? I loved being a Second; I wanted someone to take care of.

"I didn't know there were flirting lessons someone could take…" I mean, I always thought flirting was a talent given at birth or something.  Or maybe passed on from really slutty parents.  I just knew, without a doubt, I could not flirt as a boy.  The only two girlfriends I had ever had asked me out.  But that was the way it was at my high school.

"I don't think I’ve ever flirted before." I think my avenue was more to drug the girl and just have my way with her - cut out the flirting. But that was Callum. And I'm Staycee now. Staycee doesn't date rape girls. She flirts. And so I needed to learn how to flirt. This class could be really useful. The teacher came in not long after and we were paired up - obviously, I was paired with Audrey - and she spent the first half going over the fundamentals. Be subtle. Flirting only works if they don't know it’s flirting. Focus on something you like about them; it can be something they like or something they hate - both can be useful avenues. I was really focused on every single word, though Audrey seemed a little more bewildered by the concepts.

I kept looking over at Staycee with mild concern - this wasn't something I really understood.  I tried to apply it to the concepts of the teacher who was, after all, a woman.  She had nice eyes, I thought, though I thought all eyes different to the blue eyes of the girls from the facility were interesting.  You have nice eyes.  Your eyes are pretty.  That's all I had… ugh.  I also kept sneaking glances at Bianca, too, who was already crying.  At least it wasn't disrupting the class the way I did, though.

"Audrey, Staycee, would you like to come to the front of the class and demonstrate?" I nodded and giggled gleefully as I took Audrey's hand, leading her up to the front with giddy happiness. I could do this, and I bet I could do it better than anybody else, too! "Audrey…" I took her hand and looked at her coyly with my lip slightly bitted between my teeth. "We haven't know each other very long, but you make me so happy just to be around. Your smile is brighter than anyone else’s, and your eyes are so much more vibrant than they have any right being. And when you hold my hand… my heart flutters. You're just… so much more beautiful than this world deserves." I looked up at the teacher and she clapped her hands. "Well done, Staycee, bravo! Now, Audrey, would you like to try? Don't be nervous. Think about things you actually feel about Staycee; it'll make it easier."

Wow.  I don't think I could have blushed any deeper if I'd tried.  I looked at my feet shyly, still not entirely over what Staycee had said about me… oh cut it out, Audrey!  It's an exercise!  She was just doing it because she had to!  And don't you want to make a good impression?  Avoid punishment?  So I took Staycee's hand the same way she took mine, trying to speak clearly. "Staycee… you… um…" Come on.  Like the teacher said.  Think about what you feel. "You're… the most brilliant girl I know.  The way you notice things and… the way you talk.  Something magical in your words, your… voice.  And everything you say, I just want to listen, and everything you do, I just want to follow, and when you hold my hand, I want you to never let go…" …wow.

The teacher clapped her hands and the rest of the class felt fit to follow - Audrey's flirting was good. It was really really good. And by the time we got back to our table, her cheeks alight and a smile on my face, I couldn't help the bubbly praise that followed. "You were amazing, Audrey! That flirting was just… oh my gosh. By comparison, you made me seem like a clumsy child stumbling over difficult words for the first time." I meant it, too, I really did. If I were interested in Audrey, if I could like girls, that would've won me over in a heartbeat.

"Uh huh…" The teacher let us go a half hour later.  She applauded all of us, though I found it difficult to say a single word.  Out of the ten people who performed, including the diaper-wearer-of-the-day who was made to cry a second time in front of everyone, my flirting was clearly the sappiest.  So much for subtle. On the way out, I made it to the door just before Bianca and shoved her to the ground, her skirt flying up. "Wet already.  Wow." I sighed and walked away, leaving a chorus of laughter behind.

"You didn't have to do that, you know." My words were delivered informationally, without a hint of judgment or any inclination that I thought less of Audrey for her actions. It was just a statement. She didn't have to do that. "I mean, that might be me one day. Would you push me over and make me cry?" I actually didn't think it would be me, ever; I knew I was top of the class without a doubt. But it didn't make it any easier to get the thought out of me head. Audrey had spoken so highly of the teasing and I guess I still didn't get it.

I shrugged my shoulders, not looking back at Staycee as she followed behind me. "Maybe… I mean, it helps.  You probably think it's me just being mean, but it really helps.  If you ever get punished, you'll understand.  I didn't like doing it.  I didn't.  I just… I wanna help her learn, the way I did." Still, I felt sick.  I shouldn't have pushed her, no matter the reason.  It wasn't the way I was raised at home or here.  I was taught to be kind to people, and pushing certainly wasn't kind.

"I know you think it's best." I smiled and my hand linked into Audrey's; I knew she felt guilty now, even though she thought she was doing something in the best interests of the girl, and squeezed reassuringly. "It helped you, didn't it? Your punishment? The teasing? You had so much fire in your confession video, and you obviously impressed everybody here because they didn't punish you for yelling at them." We got back to our room and I closed the door behind us and smiled, deciding to shift the topic. "Your flirting was amazing, Audrey. Everybody needs to learn from you, for real."

"Uh huh..." I didn't make eye contact, looking at my feet as I walked to the vanity.  I didn't like being alone with Staycee - not in our room, not with the door closed.  I found things so easy to handle around other girls or staff, or even in the hallways.  But in private?  I couldn't stop repeating her words in my head.  So much more beautiful than the world deserves… was Aimee right?  Did I like her?  She certainly made me feel special - that wasn't debatable. "Um… we have lunch soon.  So…"

"Uh huh, we do." My fingers leafed through outfits in the closet and I hummed softly as I tried to figure out what to change into - I'd decided this morning that I liked changing halfway through the day; it made me feel lovely and spontaneous. I held up a yellow dress with a white sash around the waist and just enough detail to be juvenile despite the more adult style. "What do you think of this?"

I nodded approvingly, knowing full well what was next.  I took the lip gloss off the vanity and started applying it while Staycee changed her clothes.  I made absolutely certain not to catch her reflection.  I re-did my hair into two low pigtails and by the time I'd finished Staycee was done dressing. "Why do you change your clothes so much?  It might get you in trouble.  I mean, they have to do twice as much laundry."
"I think I just like people to notice me. I guess it's weird because I was such a low key boy, operating behind the scenes and nobody really knowing me. But here…? I like when people look at me, I like when they notice my outfit, I like the little compliments. And I guess changing clothes means I get more attention." I pursed my lips at the thought and turned my head a little to the side. "That makes me sound really attention-seeker, doesn't it? I'm not. I just like when people notice me, that's all." My hand slipped into Audrey's and took the gloss from her grasp, sliding it across my own lips.

I bit my lip, looking down at the floor.  It was the same tube of lip gloss she had been using, and subsequently, the one I'd been stealing.  I tried not to think about it that way, but the more it crossed my mind the harder it was to deny that I liked Staycee. "We should go… get there early, you know?  Good impressions and all that." I climbed off the vanity stool and hurried out the door, waiting for Staycee in the hallway.

She was a little flustered, and I found it all pretty adorable. I really couldn't help but wonder if she'd been so shy and demure as a boy. I guess I really wasn't very much the same as I had been back then, so maybe Audrey wasn't either. I smirked a little as I tried to consider a rambunctious boy who bossed people and always got his way. We made our way toward the mess hall and I thought a little more about the class and about the flirting, and I bit my lip as we wandered in and took our seats. "Would you teach me to flirt like that?"

I shook my head very quickly, biting my lip out of view. "Um… no.  I mean, I'm not really that good.  I personally liked Melanie's.  Her's was subtle and actually usable in the real world.  I just blurted out…" My cheeks colored and I shook my head. "...just random stuff, I guess." She didn't need to know that was how I felt.  But she said I was beautiful, more beautiful than the world deserved.  I couldn't feel my cheeks by the time we’d made it to the cafeteria.  She could like me, like that...

"Well, I liked your blurting; it was very effective." There was teasing taking place across the mess hall already, with one of the girls being punished already present. She was much more like Bethany and Desmond, her smile vacant and her eyes empty; a sort of hazy state of acceptance I suppose. I couldn't bring myself to join in, though; it just seemed so very mean. Audrey noticed my distraction and I shifted my gaze back to her with a smile. "Sorry. Just… I shouldn't stare."

"I don't know, maybe you should.  Staring always made me uncomfortable.  But she doesn't look very uncomfortable, huh?  I wish people would just understand." I sighed and shook my head, putting my head on my arms the way I liked doing. "I'm gonna help you, alright?  After lunch.  So you don't have to go through that punishment, or if you do, you won't mess up.  Okay?"

"You're going to help me?" In my vernacular, helping me avoid punishment seemed like a very good thing. But Audrey had mentioned wanting to help me experience a bad situation the way she'd had to and that didn't sound like very much fun! I bit my lip and smiled, glancing back over at the girl in the corner. "Are you going to put me in a diaper and make me mess myself, then giggle at me? Because I'm not sure that would be very helpful, you know."

I rolled my eyes and finally let my gaze leave the girl across the room, looking up at Staycee's magnificently blue eyes. "No, that would defeat the purpose.  I'm just going to try to explain it.  So you still learn the lesson without all the… well, you know." The food came not long after, and I found myself mimicking Staycee's appetite.  I think I was trying to impress her.

"It's kinda hard at first, when there's so much good food on the table." I smiled as I ate a piece of apple thoughtfully, my gaze drifting to the slice of peach in Audrey's hand. She'd started to eat better and that made me really happy; I knew we were being rated on figure and I didn't want my best friend to wind up getting punished again. The first one had helped her, for sure, but it still didn't mean I wanted to inflict it on her again. "I don't mind it, though. I mean. You just pick out one thing you really want, like a burger or something, and then fill up on fruit and vegetables." But it was still hard not to be envious of the plates of food everybody else had put together.

"Uh huh." Staycee had mentioned only once about rating us on our weight, but I hadn't been weighted since my first day in Phase Three.  Maybe it was a weekly thing.  That made sense - after all, weight fluctuates a lot.  I found a small bit of irony in the idea that those of us who weighted the least were probably the three in diapers.  I finished my food early, but still we had to wait the full hour for the doors to open.  Just as Staycee and I were leaving, Aimee bounced up to me and smiled. "We gonna practice hair stuff?" "Oh, yeah, right.  Um…" I looked up at Staycee and bit my lip. "Maybe we can talk tonight about the punishment stuff?"

"Okay, for sure." I was actually a little bit off-put that Aimee was going to get Audrey's attention instead of me, but I knew I was being completely silly. I shared a room and a bed and half my classes with the girl; she certainly gave me enough attention! So I wandered down the corridor and found my way back to our room, figuring that Aimee and Audrey would probably go to the blonde girls room. As I lay out on the bed and stared at the ceiling, I thought about a whole bunch of stuff. About my time here, my crimes before, my future and how I was so much better off.

"Help me.  Fix me.  Something!  Please?!" We weren't even to Aimee's room before I was tugging on her arm, pleading with her. "I don't wanna like her.  I can’t like her!  I know what you said, I know, but she only likes boys.  She reminds me all the time.  So please make her unappealing to me.  Talk about how annoying she is or something!" But Aimee had been all too happy since I mentioned I was crushing on Staycee.  She just kept saying "told you so" over and over.

Aimee got to her room and closed the door behind the two of them, twirling her blonde hair on her finger as she smiled. "You like her. You can't help that, girlie. So instead of sulking about how much you wish you didn't like her, why not ask me for ways you can make her like you?" Aimee was a pretty simple girl of pretty simple methods, and this just seemed to be the most logical solution to the problem. "Now come on, we got hair stuff to practice." People here tended to fall into a two basic schools of thought; those who accepted that this was punishment and still resolved to resume a basic semblance of their prior lives, and those who accepted themselves as new people and embraced their femininity. Aimee was most certainly the latter.

I meant Aimee no disrespect, and I certainly didn't tell her to her face, but she was a woeful teacher.  By the end of fifteen minutes, I'd amounted to learning which hairstyles worked best with headbands, and that was only through demonstration.  With another fifteen minutes before Hypno, I decided to call it quits and return to discussing the topic of Staycee, still in the headband we'd picked out. "I don't want her to like me, though.  I don't want to like anyone here.  I want to get out and lead a normal life and pretend this whole place doesn't exist."

"Yeah but think about it, think about your eyes and your body and yourself. Like, it's always going to come up with people, one way or another, that you came here. Maybe getting a girlfriend here might not be such a bad idea. It's someone who you can trust with your biggest secrets, you never have to worry about telling them about what happened here and she'd see you as a girl no matter what you decide to do with your body. I'd say that's something worth considering." The mini-fridges that once held bottles of milk were still present in the rooms of Thirds, only now they had juice-boxes and bottled water; the former of which Aimee now dutifully sucked on.

"…she likes boys though." Aimee gave me that same look she'd given me the first time we talked about this, but I quickly defended myself. "I mean it!  They did it to her, conditioned her to like boys.  It's true, she told me." And that bit of information was something I left out before. "You know how good they are…" And she did.  Everyone did, and that's when I saw the doubt in her eyes.

"…maybe you could talk to them? I don't know. You and the Headmistress are close, right? I mean, you talk to her way more than anybody else." This fact was something not lost on the other girls, though nobody had the gall to call her out on it in any negative sense. "You don't even have to say it's you, say that it's one of the other girls that has a crush on her and maybe they could let her like girls or something." She was grasping at straws, though; nobody dictated things to the Headmistress here. "Or you could… I don't know…" Though she clearly had an idea in mind, and was just too nervous to mention it.

"Huh?" As little as I wanted to cause more drama with the Headmistress after what happened with Staycee this morning, I was really trying to keep it toned down.  I'd ran to her far more than any of the other girls, and while I was content to continue our relationship, I didn't want to be seen as the enemy.  As close as the Headmistress and I were, it was only ever as close as a teacher could be with a student.  There was no mutual respect. "Tell me, please?"

"Well, it's just… it's stupid, because I know how you feel about your body and wanting to be a 'proper' girl and all that… but you know, if you didn't feel that way you might be able to appeal to Staycee still by the fact that you were a boy. I bet their conditioning of her wouldn't be able to account for that. She wouldn't see you as a boy, either, you know she wouldn't. But she'd know that you were and that might be enough." Admittedly, Aimee didn't know much. Not about the conditioning, not about hypnosis or sexuality or Audrey or Staycee or anything. But it made enough sense to her.

"That's stupid." I frowned and crossed my arms, turning away from Aimee and toward the mirror.  She was only trying to help, and I knew that, but it was still stupid. "I am just like any other girl.  And I'm not using my body to win her over, so sorry." Maybe talking to the Headmistress wasn't such a bad idea… but it would have to wait.  We had classes soon. "Can I use your bathroom, you think?"

“Uh huh, it's right in there." Aimee smiled happily at the fact that she could at least help with that, and then sat down on her bed and thought about things, about her life before and about her body and about who she wanted to be. Audrey clearly did not want to be the same person she was when she came here, and to Aimee that made some degree of sense. She was going to be the sort of person this place envisioned as its perfect poster child, the perfect reformation with no trace of who she was once. It was no wonder she was so close to the Headmistress.

One of the most famed and glorious perks of being a Third was the very small attached bathroom to each room.  As a Second, there was a large communal bathroom you had to use, but you always needed permission to access, as it was locked from the Firsts.  I closed the door to Aimee's bathroom behind me and slid my skirt to the floor, running my fingers along the cotton waistband before hesitating.  I ran my fingertips down the dry panties, slightly padded, and bit my lip, wondering what it would be like… so I sat down on the toilet, my panties around my hips, and did my business.  The dampness between my legs was electric.  I felt my heart pounding in my chest, my tummy tingling.  I knew I didn't have time to change before class, but I didn't want to.  I pulled my skirt back into place and returned to Aimee's room, shifting subtly from foot to foot.

"Are you okay? Your cheeks are really red." The blonde girl was still laid out on her bed, mostly lost in thought. It was a good thing she was, too, or else she might have noticed the faint glistening on her friends inner thighs, or the telltale aroma of warm pee - but she was fairly oblivious to both things. It was lucky she even caught the blushing.

I nodded shyly, stepping out past Aimee with a little wave. "I really should get to class.  You should too.  Only six minutes you know." I pointed to the clock and stepped out before she could say her goodbyes.  I felt silly.  Why had I done that?  But gosh it felt wonderful… so blissfully wonderful.  And I wanted to stop back in my room and play with the warm cotton between my legs, but I had Hypno.  And being late wasn't acceptable, especially not if I wanted to keep out of diapers.  So I abandoned the idea of changing and went instead to my Hypno room.

"Hello, my sweet girl. You seem altogether flustered, is there something the matter?" The hypnotherapist looked up from his array of switches and gauges and smiled at Audrey as she gingerly closed the door behind her. He got up and crossed the distance between the two of them, smiling as he got closer and the aroma of wet panties filled his senses. Had she wet herself? He smiled with a little bit of pride and motioned to the chair. "Please do take a seat." She was wet… had it been intentional? A reaction to the Hypno conditioning? He trembled a little at the possibilities and leafed through the programs at his disposal.

I bit my lip and followed his gesture to the chair in the middle of the room.  I tried for a "hello" but nothing came out.  It seemed this would be just another person I wouldn't be able to communicate with.  I made sure to sit like a proper third - knees together, feet apart - for more than just the usual reason.  I put my arms on the armrests as I always did and gave the technician a small smile.  I hated this place; I always had.

"How have you been finding your time as a Third?" He licked his lips a little in an attempt to temper his enthusiasm as he leafed through the programs and finally picked one out; Subject: FOURTH. Program: Exposure of Sexuality with Core Partner. It was a very simple program, one meant for pair-bonded Fourth's to further reinforce sexual development and interests. For it to be used on a Third was unheard of, and it could very well land the man in a whole lot of trouble. But the idea of Audrey sharing her sexuality and desires, as well as her clearly developing wetting fetish with her room-mate? It made the technician giddy at the thought.

I nodded lightly.  I had no other way of symbolizing to the man that I was enjoying it more than Phases One and Two.  I wished I could speak.  Maybe it would make this less uncomfortable.  And maybe I wouldn't be so scared when he pulled the helmet over my head if I'd known what he was doing.  But I didn't, and I never did.  So when the colors started up and an hour later I woke up in the chair with no recollection, I wasn't surprised.

He hadn't meant to, it was so very off-limits, but the moment the man had watched the blissful trance take over the girl’s body, he moved in closely and gently parted her legs. Her panties were soaked through, her thighs glistening and he took a sharp breath in with a smile. She was delectable. As the images and thoughts rushed through her head, his fingers gently pressed against the wet cotton and he watched the girl shiver and tremble in delight. He closed his eyes and took a breath, finally managing to remove himself from that temptation. The program ran its course and the girl awakened, and the man managed to contain his lust from any further incidents. He should've done a checklist, a control question, but his heart was still a little too erratic and he just smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, Audrey."

I was dizzy, very dizzy.  My panties were soaked through, and my thighs slid against each other with the moisture that seeped from the wet underwear.  It was as if the hour of hypnotism had done nothing to dry my panties.  I finally made it back to my room, still in a dreadful haze, and only managed to slip into new underwear under the guise of getting discovered.  And nearly instantly, the haze vanished.  And I was me again.  Gosh, did I regret it, though.  I took the wet underwear with a small frown and put them in the laundry, biting my lip longingly.  I couldn't, though.  I needed to get to class.

"Hey girl, how was Hypno?" Aimee was chipper as she ever was, the contemplation from earlier having long since dried up and cleared away. She  pulled out the chair next to her for Audrey to sit down in and then returned to looking at the class outline. "This is 'gender-appropriate media'. I don't know what that means. Music and movies, I guess." The idea of a class where they got to learn about music and movies that girls their age would relate to seemed to be a pretty sweet ride to Aimee, though the naming of the class may have indicated something entirely different. "Run into that cute roommate of yours?"

"Nuh uh.  Hypno, and then… um, straight here." It was a small lie, but I couldn't tell Aimee I'd gone home to change out of panties I'd wet in her bathroom.  It was true, though, that I hadn't seen Staycee since lunch.  But the routine had normalized, even by the third day.  Breakfast, school, lunch, hypno, school, and dinner.  Then we'd all have a chance to socialize, though it had been two days now I hadn't taken the facility up on that.  Today would probably be the same - I had to talk to Staycee about the lessons of the punishment.

"That's cool." Aimee had a sort of bipolar friendship with Audrey it seemed; one moment she could be very involved and caring and the next she was very casual and elevator-friendly. But she was a sweetheart all the same. The class turned out to be fairly similar to what she expected; a crash course on media that covered music, movies, television, magazines and actors and actresses; it was far too much to cover in one class but most of those present would have ample lessons to take it all in. Class finished and the girls were let out, and by the time Audrey made it back to our room, I was already laying out on the bed, my chest raised in two little bumps beneath my dress thanks to my bra and my hair sprawled out. It wasn't often I had such chances to relax, not with my obsession for perfection. So this was nice.

The sight of Staycee on the mattress brought back the tingling I had in my tummy and I closed my eyes.  I should've talked to the Headmistress about her; should've worked this out.  Maybe at dinner. "Hey, um… you should get up.  Dinner's in a few." 'A few' was actually half an hour, but it was too difficult to stay in the same room alone with Staycee.  So I glossed my lips and brushed my hair for the fourth time that day and waited by the door for my friend.

"What's the hurry?" I smiled and stretched my arms above my head, wriggling down against the covers happily. "Come lay with me?" I wasn't usually the lay-with-me type, but I really did feel cuddly in that moment and it seemed like a waste of an opportunity to pass it up. I couldn't help but think about the flirting she'd done with me, and how much she wanted to help me: she was such a good friend. She seemed anxious, though; nervous and skittish, and I didn't much get that.

"Um... I just promised Aimee I'd meet her early." I should've went with the Headmistress excuse - at least that one wouldn't have been a lie.  I hated lying to her; I hated lying in general.  It gave me anxiety.  I bit my lip and leaned nervously from foot to foot, trying to figure out a way to get Staycee out of bed, or in the very least, to let me leave.  My being here wasn't good for either of us.

"Come oooonnn, you always spend time with her." It was such a lie; I was only thinking earlier today that I didn't mind Aimee because I got to have enough time with Audrey to myself. But I was content, and relaxed, and cuddly! I didn't get cuddly very often. So I pouted cutely and I sat up, resting my elbows behind me to lean on, and fluttered my lashes. "Please? Lay with me; just for five minutes?"

I let out a very deep, very audible sigh and nodded my head, crawling into our bed and putting my head on Staycee's shoulder.  My whole body felt electrified; like somewhere between the door and the mattress I was shocked with five thousand volts.  The fluttering in my stomach got even worse and I felt so blissfully euphoric.  I didn't know what to do.  What could I do?  Just stay very still and wait to leave.

She put her head on me and I rolled over, cuddling up close to her, my arm draped over the girl’s chest and my leg curled up over her thighs as my head settled on her shoulder, instead. She was smaller than me, so she really ought to have been the little spoon, but right now I didn't much care for that; I just wanted to cuddle. "How was your day? Tell me everything." I knew about the morning component, of course, but I just wanted to her her whimsically talk about the parts of her day that didn't feature me.

"I… um… went to Hypno, which I don't remember any of.  I still can't talk in there.  And media class was my afternoon.  But you know about that, because you had it too." There was really so little for us to talk about in accordance to our day.  I remembered so little of it, anyway, with Staycee curled up on me like she was.  I wanted to kiss her so very badly, but she liked boys.  I had to remember that.  I had to keep my emotions in check.  Even if I did like her…

"How did practicing hair stuff with Aimee go?" I tried not to let my insecurity about Aimee borrowing my best friend show too much, but I was pretty sure some level of jealousy made it into my tone of voice. I diverted quickly, and maybe too quickly in-fact, but I didn't want her to notice my insecurity. "Are you going to teach me a lesson? About being a bad girl?" Wow, that sounded suspect. I could've corrected myself, I guess, but I'd already wasted too many words and she knew what I meant. She was my best friend. Of course she knew what I meant.

I very quickly climbed out of bed with Staycee, stumbling to my feet, my cheeks ablaze. "I… um, sorry… really gotta go." And I left the room, leaving Staycee very dazed on the mattress.  I went to the doors of the cafeteria, but they weren't opened, and instead found solace in a little enclave down the hall just outside a faculty door.  I was nearly trembling all over; I couldn't make heads or tails of it.  I just wanted her so badly.  I just wanted to kiss her.  I wanted her to touch me.  I wanted to be with her.  I had to talk to the Headmistress.  I needed this to stop; or I needed her to want it to.  It wasn't a choice anymore:  I needed this.  Maybe I could get hypnotized into not liking her.  I winced at the thought; never before had I been interested in solving my problems with that stuff… though I guess I had this morning, and that made me feel even worse.  I felt sick to my stomach; maybe I should go see Rochelle.  That was a good idea; she could get the Headmistress for me.
 

[Sophie ♥]

Part IV: Consequences

"Do you think I could speak to the Headmistress?" "She's very busy.  She's with the Fourths today." I frowned and put the tip of my thumb in my mouth, sucking softly.  Rochelle looked disapproving, though, and I withdrew it a moment later. "Sorry… habit." She nodded her head and I kicked my feet loosely beneath the examination table. "And you're sure she's not available?"

"She's absolutely not, I'm afraid. There's a graduating class of Fourths this week, so she probably won't be available for at least a week, maybe more. Is there something on your mind?" Rochelle was a sweetheart when it came to bedside manner, but she also kept things running very smoothly and Thirds who spoke out of line and made requests to see the Headmistress were a hinderance to that. She kept her smile on, though, and brushed back a strand of hair behind her ear. "Perhaps I can help you?"

"I just… there's this one girl.  And she's saying the facility made her like boys." It wasn't difficult to deduce who we were talking about, it seemed, as Rochelle gave a knowing nod and I continued. "Well, I have a friend who kind of likes her.  And because she likes boys…" I trailed off and Rochelle finished for me. "You're wondering if we can make her like girls again." "Uh huh."

"It's possible, yes, if her behavioral record has been suitably impressive there is precedent to reverse punishment conditioning, I suppose. But you do know that just because she'll like girls, there's no promises that she'll like you. Don't expect a magic bullet solution." Rochelle knew a little about the situation with Audrey and Staycee, the same basic things that the rest of the staff knew; that they'd been integrated into the system and that they were not to be pair bonded. But this wasn't Hypno at work, this was just pure attraction. A crush, and Rochelle didn't see the harm in that. "I'll review her file. If her record is impressive enough, I can have her reset to basic bisexual in her session tomorrow. But no promises it'll get you anywhere."

I looked down at my feet, my cheeks lighting up at the mention of it being me who liked Staycee.  Was I that transparent?  I gave Rochelle a small thank you and made my way out of the nurses office and down to the cafeteria.  Dinner had to have started by now.  I took a seat next to Staycee in the dining hall and she gave me a small strange smile.  I bit my lip and looked down at my plate as I piled food onto it.  The movies would start soon of the girls' sessions with Malcolm. "It's not you - I'm really sorry - I'm just off today.  We still on to talk about lessons?"

"Uh huh, for totes." It was a relief to see her not mad at me, though it was still a mystery as to what was going on with her today. The confessions started to play, but I only lowered my tone and didn't look away from Audrey. "You can talk to me, you know. I know there's something at the moment, something getting to you. I just want you to know you can trust me. If you wanna." I had no interest in the videos being played, though Audrey's focus had shifted to them after a small smile in acknowledgment. She really thought this stuff helped.

The girl I'd pushed in our A block class had done a very good job.  It wasn't aggressive like me, but she'd built a drive for success, wanting to do better, wanting to prove she was ready for this, for Phase Four, and for the world outside these walls.  And I was so proud of the girl I didn't know, and I was all the more determined to teach Staycee.  Dinner went quickly and I drank a cup of chocolate milk with my meal.  And when the doors finally opened I stayed with Staycee instead of going to play with the other kids. "We really gotta start socializing.  I only know like five people's names, and two of them are staff."

"Who needs to socialize when I have you?" I smiled sweetly; it was meant as a silly little compliment to be thrown away, but Audrey blushed a burning shade of a red and I looked over my shoulder at the girls filing out. "We can if you wanna. I just mean, you think this punishing me stuff is pretty important, right? So I think we should get it done soon. But if you wanna wait another day and just socialize today, I don't much mind." I looked at my nails with a little smile and thought about repainting them tonight.

"No, I wanna help.  Especially seeing those videos, I really want you to understand." I gave a small smile to the girl in front of me and she turned around again and led the way back to our room.  She closed the door behind us and I immediately felt the butterflies kick back into place.  I took a seat on the vanity stool, doing my best to keep as far away from Staycee as I could.  I wanted to do this right, and I needed a clear mind. "Alright, so… let's get started, then?"

It took a lot of trust and faith for me to let Audrey do this ~ truth of the matter was that with my grades and my eye for perfection in my results, I'd probably never get punished like she had been. This clearly wasn't something I needed to know, but she thought that it was, and I guess that was enough for me. So we sat across from one another, and I uncrossed my legs, crossing them over the opposing knee and smiling as I watched her cheeks light up. Why? Oh. Right. I must've flashed my panties. Oops. Gotta be more ladylike, Staycee! "Okay. Let's do this."

I took a second to get my blush under control, and as a result I said the first few sentences to my feet. "So… you know, how in Phases One and Two you're taught to follow the rules?  Like, you'd get punished for not listening?  And that's how they kind of wiped you clean: started anew, fresh slate." I had no idea how I was going to explain this, but it was a lesson she'd learn with or without the punishment.  I was hoping, beyond a doubt, without.

"Uhhuh. They rebuild us, like… write in good traits and punish the bad ones and we become productive young ladies." It had been something I'd been a lot of trouble getting my head around at first, like why they even bothered when with everything they had here they could probably just write entirely new people and delete who we were. But that wasn't the point: the point was to make us into good people, and some of us let go of more of the people we were than others, but we all held onto something. For me it was my eye for detail - the same thing that made me such an effective rapist, now made me an amazing student and a wonderful girl.

"Yes, exactly!" I was glad I was getting somewhere. "But the thing about Phase Three is… it's the opposite of that.  They don't give us rules anymore.  And the ones they do give us are so loosely enforced.  Like, I've been late to class like five times in three days, and I keep forgetting my lip gloss, and the second day I didn't even shower, you know?" Staycee wouldn't understand though, because she didn't break the rules.  She'd had only a few slip ups since coming here, and that meant I had to take a different approach. "You have to be you.  Like, you have to make you: build your Phase Two self up into a real person.  That's the whole point.  And that's why they liked me yelling at them - I didn't regress to a Phase One the way the other girls did.  Didn't bounce back to security and safety just because they said to.”

"So I'm… supposed to break the rules? I don't get it." And I didn't, either. I understood about how she'd been rewarded for yelling at them, how that was what they wanted. I got that, I really did. They wanted her to demonstrate that she had learned. But was she telling me to break the rules, to be sloppy? I couldn't do that. My perfection was everything I had. I must've looked as worried as I felt, because she reached across and took my hand in hers and I looked into her eyes. "I don't understand, Audrey. I just want to be the best. I want to follow the rules and do well… I don't wanna be punished."

"No, no… um…" I shook my head and bit my lip, my thumb running across the top of her hand.  Her skin was so soft… but so was everyone's.  Why did I focus on that? "They want you to define who you wanna be.  You wanna be a perfectionist.  You want to change clothes every afternoon and do your hair pretty.  But you wanna do it because you wanna do it, not because they tell you to.  Like… okay, what if they told you you had to pick one outfit a day?  You'd listen, right?  But you shouldn't.  Because that's just you giving up who you want to be for them.  Like a First or a Second."

I thought about it for a little while and looked down at her thumb gently stroking the soft skin of my hand, trying to piece it all together. "So they want me to follow their rules, but to grow within those confines. Like when you put down a spike for a plant to grow around so it grows better?" It was the best metaphor I could manage, and I knew it was pretty crappy all things considered, but it was all I could figure out. If Phase One and Two had been a box to contain us, was Phase Three then an anchor to ground us? But even a kite with its string can fly a thousand different ways. I pouted and winced a little, not sure if I was making any sense in my head.

I nodded my head a little.  I didn't understand the metaphor to it's best, but I knew enough to agree. "I just mean, they want you to be you.  They just want to make sure the person you want to be isn't gonna be bad again, like you were before.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, I think that's what they're getting at.  We can't become Fourths until we have an identity, because Fourths are essentially grown ups."

"And my identity is… Staycee Harper. Eighteen years old. Perfectionist. Well-dressed. Plays flute and draws cute little drawings. Loves yellow. And pasta." It was so many basics, just the sort of thing you'd list on a dating website bio, but it sounded like a really good start and I smiled proudly at myself. I now had a self. And it felt pretty nice. "You really learned all that from spending a day in messy diapers? I was a First for four weeks exactly and that was long enough in messy diapers for me."

I blushed at the recollection and bit my lip. "Well, yeah.  I mean, no.  I didn't get it at all until I yelled at Malcolm and he congratulated me.  I mean, I thought it was just a normal punishment, like in Phase One and Two.  But there aren't punishments anymore - just lessons.  It took me a while to figure that one out, but I got it now.  And I think putting us in a situation that we'd all grown so used to, but a situation we all hated was a really good breeding ground for individuality." Or maybe I was being profound.  But the facility clearly had a system, or it wouldn't be running.  The fact that I'd figured it out only elated me, and now Staycee understood too.

It clicked to me in that moment, everything sort of settling into place in a perfect way. A smile spread across my lips for a moment before I reached out my arms and bundled up Audrey in a very tight cuddle, sighing happily. "Thank you. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for sparing me from that stuff." I continued to hold her against me probably longer than was appropriate, but I didn't care much. I was happy. And I was going to share that happiness.

When Staycee finally let me go, my body was tingling all over.  Wave after wave crashed upon me, and I'd been underwater so long I thought it was a good idea.  But it was only a few seconds after the kiss on Staycee's lips that I resurfaced and my cheeks took in all the heat the rest of my body lost.  I couldn't believe I'd… "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry…" But I wasn't: just another lie.

It was just a show of excitement, right? The sort of thing that someone does when they were happy, or elated? I bit my lip and then smiled, cuddling her again. She was just happy, that's all. I let go of her… mostly… my hand taking hers as I sat back down. "You're all sorts of wonderful, Audrey. Really truly." It was so hard to think of anybody here in their previous lives, much less myself. Trying to imagine Audrey wasn't any marginal amount easier either, but I thought about the boy she must've been and the boy I was and wondered if we'd ever have been friends. "Hey… do you wanna stay in touch when we get out of here? Like, maybe get a place together, even?" The topic was conversational, but it did nothing to clear that kiss from my thoughts.

"Yeah… yeah, that sounds nice." And there went all the resolve I'd tried to pitch to Aimee earlier that day.  All I needed were some kind words from Staycee and it vanished.  How badly I wanted a place with her, a bed with her, just like this one.  Or even to never leave, if it meant her with me forever. "I'm gonna… um… bathroom." I pointed to the adjacent door and closed it behind me a second later.  We had a mirror in the bathroom, despite the vanity in the bedroom, and I quickly splashed water on my face.  What was I doing?!

We wouldn't be leaving our room again tonight, so I used the time that Audrey was in the bathroom to get changed into a cute little two piece pajama set; a short pair of yellow shorts with white polka dots that showed my milky soft thighs and a little dainty cami in a matching print. It was always a good temperature here in the facility, so it was nice to be able to get away with such summery pajamas. I laid down on the bed and touched up my lipgloss while I waited for Audrey to come back, though she was gone a while. Long enough, in-fact, for me to call out. "Hey, Audrey? You okay in there?"

"Uh huh." But I wasn't.  I had left the warm tap on and let my finger trail under it.  All the nerves in my body lit up at once and I felt myself breathing heavily.  I didn't have to use the bathroom, though, so I gently slid the panties off from under my skirt.  I had no idea why I had the compulsion to do so, but I stuck the pair under the warm faucet and wrung them out, sliding them back up my legs.  I wanted so badly to have a moment of privacy - just a little time for me in these underwear - but I couldn't.  I knew waiting in the bathroom any longer would be cause for concern so I returned to the bedroom, my body tingling all over.

"Hey." My smile was bright as Audrey stepped out of the bathroom and I sat up a little to wave at her. She was flushed red and each step she took  was as though she was walking on hot coals, so I cocked my head to one side and pursed my lips. "You okay?" It was a repeated question, I knew, but she didn't look okay. She looked flustered and red and altogether… I couldn't put my finger on it.  I recognized her demeanor, her presence, her state of being.

"Uhhuh… very fine.  Very okay." I sat down on the edge of the bed, still in the blouse and skirt from earlier that morning, and felt the tingle up my spine as the wet seat of my panties pressed against the dry skirt.  I couldn't stop my head from spinning.  Whose idea was it to give Thirds roommates?!  And why Staycee?!  And that was the first time I realized what a terrible situation I'd put myself in.

I scooted over next to my friend and took her hand in mine, squeezing as she trembled even more so at my touch, and I pulled her down to lay next to me.  Well… it wound up with me laying back, and her laying between my legs with her head on my stomach, but it was more-or-less next to me in every way that mattered. "You seem really stressed, is all. How can I help? Anything. I'm at your disposal. What can I do to help relax you?"

"Kiss me… please?" The words were entirely automatic, and I couldn't imagine a single situation where I wouldn't have regretted it.  Except now.  I certainly didn't regret it now.  I just wanted her to kiss me.  I just wanted to rub against her.  I wanted my hands on her cheeks.  I wanted her legs between mine.  I wanted to roll around on the bed in passion.  I wanted it to start with her kissing me. "It would really help…"

"Sure." It didn't seem to be a problem to me, really; I'd been conditioned to like boys sexually, but I still found girls eminently attractive and it was just a kiss, right? After all she'd done for me, it was the least I could offer in remuneration. So I waited for the girl to roll over between my legs and crawl up the bed within reach, and I kissed her lips. Not quite a make-out kiss, but enough with my lips parted that it wasn't a Mommy/daughter kiss, either. Sort've an… experimental college-bisexual kiss.

I didn't stop kissing her.  I couldn't.  Again and again and again.  My fingers ran up her sides, following the stitching lines of her pajamas, until they reached her neck and I held her in place.  Kiss after kiss after kiss, and by the time I pulled away, my head was swimming.  But I didn't want it to be over yet.  I slid my hand back down her top, under the hem, and to her bare stomach.  And kissed her again.  My chest was pounding and my breathing was erratic.  But I didn't notice any of that.  Just her.

To say what was happening was overwhelming would've been an understatement in the most dramatic sense of the word. I liked kissing her, I did! I mean, she was beautiful; easily the most beautiful girl here and every part of me that was Callum appreciated that, and most parts of me that was Staycee did, too. But there was also that very strong part of me that had been made to like boys that was screaming for all this to stop. I didn't scream though. I didn't make any sounds as she kissed me and kept me pinned beneath her, only muffled sounds of approval from kisses all-too-tender to pass up. Her hands ran up my top and the screaming in my head got louder. Stop stop stop.

Just before my fingers found their way to Staycee's chest, I found the wind knocked from my lungs and I was pinned to the mattress.  I looked up at Staycee as her hair fell around my face, still holding its stunned expression.  I whimpered and tried to get free, but she held my shoulders against the bed with more might than I could counter. "Staycee… let me up… please…?" I couldn't stop wiggling.  I couldn't breathe properly.  I needed more.  I needed her.

"Audrey. Audrey." She writhed beneath me, wriggling against the bed covers and it was only in that moment that I realized how wet her skirt was as I sat myself down upon the front of it. "Hey. Come on. What's got into you, beautiful?" I didn't sound angry, or upset; just confused. The sort of confusion reserved for that exact moment when your closest friend pins you to the bed and molests your mouth with her lips. She looked up at me with needy eyes and shook her head over and over and I tried to stay focused. "I'm not mad. I just don't understand."

"I… I like you...  a lot, a lot… and I know you like boys…" The more I talked, the more I heard how stupid I sounded. "But I just thought… I don't know what I thought… I told Rochelle about you… and she said maybe she can make you like girls again.  So we can be together." It was fast.  I didn't know why I was saying what I was saying.  I just wanted her to kiss me again… why wasn't she kissing me?  I whimpered and struggled again against her hands, but she kept me very still on the bed. "Please, just… lemme show you what you're missing… I promise you'll like it… please?"

It was too much for me to handle at once; was this why she'd ben so odd around me, why I made her so uneasy? I had to be calm about this, I had to let her down easy. So I kept her close to me and I leaned in just a little more, making sure she could feel my words as I spoke them. "You're beautiful. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen - and I think that whether you get any surgery or not. You're beautiful and you're perfect and wonderful. They made me like boys, Audrey. And if… if you're right and…" I bit my lip, thinking about what she'd said. "If they can do that, if they can make me like girls, then we can see how things turn out. I like you a lot… I just… in my current headspace, any time I try to think about being more than friends with you, it just doesn't make sense."

That knocked a lot more wind out of me than flipping me over had, and I suddenly went quite still.  The dizzying haze of having just kissed Staycee was still lingering, but the mild depression that had set in clearly diluted the dose.  She gave a small apologetic smile and I looked away from her.  It was only then that she let go of my shoulders, but she still sat on the front of my skirt, keeping me very much secured to the bed.  I felt so stupid.

"Please… if they can fix me, if they can make it so I can like girls… please don't give up on me. I like you a whole lot, Audrey. And if I could date a girl, I'd date you in a heartbeat, and I'd cuddle the hell out of you every waking moment of every day that ended in d-a-y. Please don't give up. I can't promise anything, I don't know if they can help, but if they can…" I bit my lip and smiled, gently rolling off the bed and looking at the girl laying there with her very wet skirt. "I'll get you some pajamas, okay?"

"Yeah… uh huh…" I sat up slowly, still avoiding eye contact with my roommate.  Just my roommate.  That was all.  I felt dizzy.  Staycee came back a moment later with a pair of my pajamas and turned around for me to change, as usual.  I changed out of my underwear, too, but too fearful to grab another pair, decided to sleep without.  I still felt so sick.  Why had I done that?  What possessed me?  I knew better.

She was distant when we laid down together, but I held her close to me by my own insistence and when she closed her eyes, I whispered into her ear. "Please… don't quit on me. If I can like girls, I wanna like you. That was the most amazing few minutes of my entire life." She tried to wriggle again and I pulled her closer. "I'm so afraid of that world out there. I act confident and calm, but I'm not. I'm not that. I'm scared. And when I close my eyes and think about getting a place with you, there's this flash from when I liked girls… and I like it. Don't write me out, okay?" She didn't move as we cuddled, and I didn't know if she'd fallen asleep or if she just didn't have anything to say. But I'd said all I could.

I didn't ask Rochelle about Staycee again, but every day after hypnotism for the rest of the week I prayed she'd come in and kiss me.  But she never did.  And every night at bedtime, she'd cuddle me close and pretend it would happen, someday.  But she had more hope than me.  Sunday came and Sunday rules changed up the monotony.  There were no classes and no Hypno.  Every A block could be used for any of the previous twelve classes of the week - anything you felt you needed work in.  And all the afternoon classes were spent in the game room - a very, very large social room most people spent their evenings in which got its name primarily from board games.  I, however, didn't have the luxury that Sunday; all girls who were punished throughout the week had to not only make up the class they missed because of their time with Malcolm, but they also had to attend an additional afternoon class in which they felt they were lacking.  So while Aimee and Staycee had one class and four hours of play time, I had three very long classes.  The benefit was, though, that I learned how to do hair accessories properly.  The second week proceeded much like the first, and it wasn't until Monday the following I met with Rochelle during lunch hour, over a week after I'd last seen her.

Rochelle smiled that sort of empty, vacant smile that staff members here tended to reserve for the patients - inmates was probably more apt, but the connotations didn't provide the required encouragement, so they tried to avoid it. "How can I help you today, Audrey?" She was sat at her desk, gently mixing up a bowl of what looked to be some manner of stir-fry, proving the point that the caretakers here were human after all. Audrey seemed stressed, a look of expectation and anxiety on her softened features.

"I… um… was just wondering how things were going with Staycee…" I hadn't wanted to bother her, and having caused so much trouble in my first week, I wanted to wait until my third week to bring up Staycee again.  I had barely made it, but that was good enough. "I mean… you told me you'd go through her file and stuff, right?  And maybe do something with her hypnotisms?  But she hasn't been any different..." Or maybe they’d already done it, and it didn’t change how Staycee felt.  My stomach sank.

"Well," began the short woman as she took a mouthful of noodles, proving the stir-fry theory. "Her behavior record has been exemplary, but she hasn't had her punishment as a Third yet. I decided, after reviewing the work undertaken already, that it'll be better for her to have her punishment before I tamper with her hypnosis regiment. Problem is, she's very thorough. Too thorough. Her behaviors are nothing short of perfect, and it's hard to justify a punishment; but all Thirds are required to undergo the ritual." She took another bite and swallowed. "If you could coerce her to break a few rules so we can we punish her, we'll be able to reverse her sexuality programming sooner."

It seemed manipulative, but I didn't really care.  It had to happen anyway for her to graduate, right?  So the sooner it happened, the sooner she could advance to being a Fourth.  So I was doing her a favor!  Maybe I could explain it to her that way. "Alright.  I'll see what I can do.  Thank you so so much!" I smiled and climbed out of the chair opposite Rochelle.

Audrey arrived to lunch late that day, but I'd already singled out duplicates of the food I'd picked out and laid them out on her plate in expectation.  Ten minutes following, she arrived. Nobody really took much notice as she slipped in and sat down and I smiled at her warmly. "Where'd you disappear to, missy?" Missy was something that Audrey had come to adore. Miss. Missy. Girlie. Pretty Girl. Pretty much any term of endearment that referenced her perceived femininity tended to elicit a smile.

I sat next to Staycee, a little too close, and took a bite of the sandwich in front of me.  Our relationship could've gone either of two ways after I'd told her I liked her: I'd have to adhere to her ways or she'd adhere to dealing with mine.  I was very lucky it was the latter.  Though I couldn't kiss Staycee, she let me cuddle close at night and hold her hands in the hallways, enough to a point where the rest of the group thought we were together anyway.  I never corrected them, though Staycee would. "I'll tell you after lunch."

"Okay." I gave a cautious smile and slid the plate of food in front of the girl, nodding to the contents. "I picked you out some lunch." We still ate reasonably, but so did many other people now after the Sunday weigh-ins had shown the requirement to maintain a girlish figure. I guess it made sense; they invested a lot of money into making us into pretty girls and it was our job to take care of those bodies. Under the table, Audrey squeezed my hand and rested her head on my shoulder in thanks.

Lunch ended quicker than I'd expected, though I wasn't surprised with how late I'd come on.  I had managed to eat all my food, though.  Once we were back in our room, Staycee started to tidy herself in the mirror and I sat on the bed nervously.  She wouldn't go for this… would she? "I… um… talked to Rochelle.  About you." Staycee looked up at that and I let my gaze fall to my feet. "She says you're doing too well..."

"What do you mean too well? There's no such thing as too well, beautiful girl." I turned around and slid the lipgloss across my lips, smiling confidently as I adjusted my bra beneath my dress. "The better I do, the sooner I graduate, right? And the sooner we're out of here, the sooner we can get on with our lives." I was still optimistic about my hypnosis being adjusted, though in reflection it just occurred to me that it might be the reason I hadn't yet been fixed. "What's doing well got to do with my liking boys or girls? I thought she said I had to have a good record…"

"Yeah, well… she did, and… and you do.  But it's not that simple…" I played with my thumbs in my lap, doing my best to keep them out of my mouth.  Childish behavior was looked down on in Phase Three, especially this far in. "Apparently… um… punishments are… necessary for Phase Three, or you can't graduate…" All the work we'd done together to avoid this, all pointless.

"…what?" The lipgloss I'd been tinkering with in my hand dropped to the carpeted floor and I shook my head slowly. "It's required? I can't… I can't go through that hell.  You helped me, I learned the lesson ~ they don't need to do it to me, right? I'll talk to them." I nodded slowly, my tone of voice airy and self-assuring, though I think we both knew that it wouldn't ever work that way. "Audrey… I can't… can't go through that… I'm not strong like you."

"Well… I don't know… that's just what Rochelle said.  But she also said you were so good that they didn't have a reason to punish you.  I mean… maybe you could talk to her.  I bet she could help you.  I mean, I can't.  But the Headmistress might give you an exemption or something - you're so smart anyway!" I was trying to be as confident as I could, but it wasn't working very well.  I didn't want to see Staycee go through what I did.  What Aimee did three days ago.  What we all would have to.  It wasn't fair; she understood already!

"Everyone has to do it…" There was supposed to be points and scores and progression and rewards commensurate to behavior… but we were all going to be punished regardless. I winced and felt my stomach tighten. "So…I have to screw up, and get punished? To graduate? Well… what's that got to do with my liking boys?" She'd mentioned a lot about options, about alternatives, but we both knew this was how it was going to have to be.

"I'm gonna talk to the Headmistress." I climbed up off the bed and made my way to the door. "I'll fix it.  I'll make it better.  Promise." And maybe then they could do the hypnotism anyway.  Wouldn't it make more sense if she was bi for Phase Four?  Wasn't it all about hormones and all that?  That's what I'd heard, anyway. "She'll fix it.  You'll see."

Audrey made her promises, but nothing gave me any confidence. My faith in the system was shot. I'd believed that it was flawed, but fundamentally fair. That my perfectionism would carry me through the hard parts and if I worked hard, I'd be rewarded. But it was all a farce. I nodded softly and forced a smile, before laying down on the bed and curling my knees up to my chest. Public humiliation, messing my diapers, thanking people for teasing me. I didn't… I didn't want… I couldn't….

"I wanna speak to the Headmistress." Rochelle barely looked up from her chart as she helped another girl off the examination table and led her out of the room. "I'm not taking no for an answer.  Call her and get her here.  Tell her there's a riot or something.  I don't care.  But I wanna talk to her!" I was very rarely so bold, and never before with a member of staff.  I knew better.  But defending Staycee was the kind of person I wanted to be.

"Okay. She'll be displeased, however. And I will let you know that she's not been made aware of our agreement regarding Staycee's sexuality." She turned and put the chart down, closing the door and looking at Audrey. "As it turns out, Staycee is intended to remain heterosexual. The instructions are very specific. However, as it also seems, I was not made aware of these instructions. So I'm going to proceed as planned with what I discussed with you, but Staycee has to endure her punishment first. Or you can talk to the Headmistress… but the mandate for Staycee to like boys comes directly from her, so I'm not sure how that will go."

"…she's never supposed to like girls…?" I felt a little queasy, looking down at my feet.  And I had to choose?  If she could like me, forever, or if she had to suffer through the punishment everyone else had to.  And I wanted so badly to put her above me, but I couldn't. "I'll… um… talk to her… to Staycee…" Rochelle smiled and led me out of the room, back into the bare hallway.  I couldn't go back to my room, not after giving up like that.  I wanted to change out of the two piece uniform I'd earned this morning in A class before going to Hypno, but I couldn't see Staycee.  So I walked past my hallway, going directly to Hypno ten minutes early.

"Hello there my pretty little pet, how are you this morning? You're quite early; were you so eager to see me?" The hypnotist smiled and rose up from his chair, gently closing the door behind Audrey with a soft click. She was here for him, he knew she was; she'd finally come to see the pleasures he could bring her and she'd come early. He shivered a little and ran his hands down the girls shoulders, his eyes sparkling a little with lust.

I didn't want to be rude, so I didn't disagree with the man as he led me into the room, though I didn't agree as not to lie.  Talking was something I'd given up on last week, and now I succumbed to the silence.  The man's fingers lingered on my shoulder and I bit my lip uncomfortably.  I moved to the chair in the center of the room, as it always was, and wondered what my hypnotisms today would be, and how I'd change.

"You're such a pretty young thing, Audrey. So beautiful." He followed Audrey to the chair, bending down to one knee, like a knight serving his queen, and getting a very obvious look up her skirt. "We create such beautiful girls here, and never are we allowed to touch them, to play, to share such joy." He ran his fingers along her thigh. “But I want to play, too.”

I shook my head, giving the man in front of me a look of heavy confusion, and though I'd closed my legs after he’d looked up my skirt, his hand still rested on the lower part of my thigh.  I felt my breathing fall into an uneven mess and I closed my eyes.  I waited for the headset to come down over my ears, but it didn't happen, and inevitably I opened my eyes again.

He delighted in the simple display of power, the fact that with a finger on her skin she could freeze up so abruptly. "Oh, come now." He placed one hand on her cheek and directed the girl’s gaze up to meet his. "I'm going to put you under now, under a very special program - I'm going to make you insatiably horny at the sight of a cock, my sweet girl." It was a little more complex than that, though; it wasn't just the sight. It was the hint of an outline, the smell of arousal, the building levels of lust the longer her eyes would stay focused. "And then, my pet, you'll be mine. Because I'll be the only here who will give you what you need."

I shook my head, pushing past the man and dashing out of the chair.  I sprinted as fast as I could to the door at the end of the room and tugged on the handle, pounding on the door.  I tried to scream, yell, anything, but no sound came out… not even a whimper.  I tugged harder at the little silver knob, but it wouldn't turn, wouldn't budge.  I felt tears drip down my cheeks.

"Oh, my dear, you'll not be going out that way." He took a hold of Audrey's shoulder and turned her around to face him, his hands holding the diminutive girl in place as he leaned in close and took a breath. "We even make you smell enticing. Oh my, I will have so much fun with you." He pulled her roughly away from the door and back towards the chair. She wriggled and squirmed and fought against his grip, but the man was so much bigger than she was.

I felt the tears race down my cheeks as I struggled against the technician's grasp.  I didn't even know his name.  He couldn't do this!  The programs had to be… regulated or… or something.  Something that wouldn't let it happen.  Why would they even write a program like that?!  I felt sick to my stomach.  I had to get help.  Had to do something.  But I couldn't, no matter how much I kicked, no matter how much I cried.

He pushed the girl down into the chair and quickly fastened her wrists into the restraints - they seldom had to be used, but they existed nonetheless, probably as a leftover device from when Firsts made use of these rooms. Her ankles followed and the technician smiled excitedly as he brought the headset down over the girl’s eyes, fitting the earbuds into place as the program began to run. He watched her squirm and struggle for a few moments more before settling still and letting the new ideas flood into her self. In forty short minutes, he'd have his perfect playtoy.

I came out of it feeling sick.  I knew what had happened to me for the first time since coming to this facility, and it made me nauseous to think about.  Couldn't do this.  Had to get out.  Had to escape.  I closed my eyes tight, something I wished I'd managed during the hypnotisms, and struggled again against the restraints.  I heard the tech's footsteps as he paced around me, but I didn't dare open my eyes.  He said at the sight...

"Oh, my sweet perfect girl. You're going to bring me so much pleasure…" He didn't touch her, though. He didn't say anything else to her, because behind him came the sound of the door clicking open and a familiar voice. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Rochelle advanced towards the man with a taser in one hand and quickly fired it, sparks flying as the probes contacted the tech's shoulder and he fell to his knees in convulsions. "You think you can steal restricted programs without someone noticing?" She took in the scene, the tech on the ground, twitching, and Audrey in the chair with her eyes squeezed tight, trembling and shaking her head. It was apparent now just how short Rochelle was, as she stepped over the man's body and pressed a button on the console. "We have a staff security breach in education room 378L. Security, please respond." She let go of the button and looked over again at Audrey. "You're safe now."

I had never hugged anyone as tight as I hugged Rochelle the moment she unstrapped my wrists from the chair.  I didn't dare open my eyes, and I still couldn't find words, but it was enough that she was there.  That she held me.  I couldn't stop shaking, though.  I was safe, now, even if my feet were still secured and I was too scared to open my eyes.  I was safe.  And I couldn't stop shaking, nonetheless.

I knew something was wrong when I was pulled out of my class and led back to my room. Nobody told me anything, though, nobody shared any details and it was twenty more minutes before the door opened and two orderlies led Audrey in, closing the door behind her. She looked…distraught. I quickly got up off the bed and threw my arms around her, squeezing as tight as I could manage. "What happened? Audrey? Audrey?" I put my hands on her cheeks and looked into her eyes, trying to stay calm even as her eyes started to tear up. "Audrey? Tell me, please?"

"Just… the Hypno… um…" I couldn't look at Staycee.  Any part of her.  I kept my eyes very carefully glued to the hands in front of me, of which I was tugging on incessantly.  I still felt sick to my stomach, and even the idea of someone touching me made me quiver. "He… um… did something… with my head… they said… they're gonna fix it soon…"

"What did he do? Audrey?" She looked down again and I pulled her over to the bed, laying down on the covers and pulling her up to cuddle against my chest. "Tell me everything." I was furious, but I kept it buried just beneath the surface ~ it wouldn't help her any to see me angry, not right now. But they were supposed to keep us safe. They were supposed to keep us protected. And if someone, someone who worked here, had messed up and hurt my Audrey? There'd be Hell to pay.

I shook my head and shied away from Staycee's hug, pulling myself entirely to one side of the bed and continued to play with my fingers. "I… he just… wanted to… um… make me do things… to him… and the hypnotism programs… or something… about… um… I… don't wanna talk about it… Staycee… I just… told to wait here until… until they set things up… and they'll make it better…"

She lay on one side of the bed, and over the next fifteen minutes I worked out that I could rest one hand on her hip as I lay next to her. I didn't want to push her, didn't want to press her past what she was capable of.  I laid quietly until I got up to go to the bathroom. She didn't move as I did, but when I got back, when she looked at me with a faint smile, when she saw me lift my skirt to adjust my ill-fitting panties… the entire look behind her eyes changed. "Did I miss something, Audrey?"

I felt my heart sink as Staycee's skirt fell and the little butterflies that usually flew around my stomach in Staycee's presence went into a frenzy.  I felt myself start trembling again.  This wasn't me.  Come on, Audrey, you know what he did.  You know this isn't you.  Just stop.  But I found my way onto shaky feet and walked quietly over to Staycee, pushing the hem of her skirt in just enough to see the little contours of her panties through the fabric.  My mind raced…

"Audrey…. hey, Audrey?" I didn't know the details of what had happened, but I knew enough about my would-be girlfriend to know this wasn't her, to know she wasn't acting how she normally would have. I pulled one step away from her and shook my head quickly. "Missy, this isn't you. This is whatever he did to you." I knew how pointless it was though; with how much hypnosis we happily accepted since getting here, the notion of resisting conditioning was a long far-off concept.

"Uh huh… I know… don't care…" I stepped against Staycee until her back hit the wall, and my fingers played with the hemline of her skirt.  The bulge in her panties was evident against my wrist and I let out a small whimper.  This 'taking it slow' thing really wasn't working for me.  I ran my fingertips down Staycee's thigh and slowly made my way to my knees.

"Audrey!" I pushed past her, but with her having squatted down I only ended up stumbling and tripping, winding up sprawled out on the floor with my behind up in the air. I groaned and rubbed my head, dazed for a moment and tried to get my focus back. Audrey was… off. She'd been changed, something had happened, something had been done to her and this wasn't her. I had to be the strong one. I had to be able to say no.

I climbed on top of Staycee and ran my fingers along her legs, up to her panties, against the bulge that her cock had formed.  I was elated.  I slid down her body and slipped her panties down with my fingertips, her penis an inch from my face.  And the next minute I was on my back again, the same way I had been when we'd been kissing.  And Staycee was on top of me, looking incredibly frustrated.

"You gotta stop… please…" When I was a boy, I'd often fought the battle of physical lust versus rational thought, but for the first time I now found myself siding with rational thought. I didn't like girls. I wanted to, but I didn't. But she didn't need to be a boy for my body to accept a blowjob from her and I was finding it harder and harder to maintain my composure. "Stay. Here. I'm going to get the orderlies and they're going to undo this, they're going to get you fixed." My erection was pressing against her thigh, much to my chagrin, and I struggled to keep my cheeks from catching fire.

I shook my head, trembling beneath Staycee. "No, no… don't go… not yet… please, Staycee, please…" I whimpered and wiggled beneath her, but with my shoulders held down I was pinned to the floor.  Still, the wiggling brought about just a little sensation of her bare member on my leg.  And that was so much more that I could have hoped for. "Mmm… please… please let me up… gonna make you feel so good… please…"

"Audrey… one day soon they're going to fix me, they're going to make me able to be with you and then one day beyond that, we're going to have sex for the first time. I'm going to lean you over the bed and I'm going to have sex with you. I'm going to make a girl out of you. But that's then. This is now. And right now you're not yourself. Please fight it. Please be patient." I wanted to call for the orderlies, but the notion that she may throw herself upon them as well only haunted my thoughts now. I had to stay with Audrey, had to keep her isolated.

I winced at Staycee's words - at the idea of waiting - I didn't want to wait.  I could have her right now.  Needed her right now.  I shook my head over and over, whimpering and writhing.  I just wanted to get up.  Just wanted my Staycee.  I could really show her I was worth it.  So many variables lined up… "Please… please just… please, please…"

"Please…" I didn't like having to beg her for things, but she was going to win this battle and if she did, if she won… she'd never be able to be with me, she'd never be able to remove her association from this moment. So I winced, and I begged and I fought the fight alone. I stood up and shook my head, my penis regrettably bobbing freely as I got my balance. "Audrey, stop! Stop. Gosh. Please. I can't… please… stop…" I backed myself up against the wall and shook my head, doing everything I could to catch my breath. I had to get this under control. Get her under control. Gotta keep the orderlies from coming in, gotta call Rochelle. So many difficulties. I had to resolve her arousal, but how? How could I? I bit my lip and thought about my options, about how to let this finish without her being degraded. "Audrey, how about I go down on you instead?"

I pulled myself onto my knees, crawling over to Staycee's legs and sitting up.  Her cock was right in front of me, and though I'd never had any interest before, I wanted nothing more than to take it in my mouth.  I gripped it with my hand just before being dragged backward away from my Staycee and her penis.  I whimpered and wrestled the arms pulling me back, but in the end I was very well secured in the seated position as Staycee tucked herself back under her skirt. "Lemme up!  LEMME UP!"

The orderlies - both female, confirming my suspicion that the conditioning had something to do with my penis - pulled Audrey to her feet and Rochelle came into the room, looking at me and then a Audrey, and finally at the orderlies. "Take her to education room 312. I will reverse the last program ran." Rochelle looked at me and smiled. "You did well, Stayc-" The sound of skin contacting skin at high velocity cracked through the room as I hit her and I seethed through clenched teeth and accusing tones. "This is your fault! You're supposed to take care of us, you people are supposed to keep us safe. We're in your care, we're your responsibility and you let things like that happen?!" The nurse rubbed her cheek in surprise and glared at me. "I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, because I know you're upset…" "No! Don't pretend it didn't happen! It did happen and it shouldn't have. That creepy fucker was going to rape my Audrey." The curse word felt wrong in my mouth, but the anger felt so much more foreign. "We're all your responsibility, Rochelle…" The two male orderlies from outside had restrained me by now and Rochelle was rubbing her cheek still. "Get her out of here."

I whimpered as the two female orderlies dragged me from the room, away from Rochelle and away from Staycee.  I was finally deposited in a room very similar to the one I'd been in earlier that day, but the layout was wrong.  The orderlies closed the door behind me and I frantically whimpered on the ground.  A cold sweat overtook me and I felt myself drifting in and out of mild panic… and just when I thought I couldn't take it, Rochelle walked in with a small apologetic smile. "Please… she was just… upset… please don't be mean to her…"

"She struck a staff member, Audrey. If there hadn't been witnesses, I might have overlooked it for you as a personal favor, but I'm afraid that's impossible now." Rochelle slipped on a pair of black-rimmed glasses that glossed in the light, dressing herself in a lab coat from the closet overtop her scrubs. "She'll be punished, tomorrow, publicly. But let's not worry about that, let's get you back on track, first." She picked out a program disk and loaded it, thoughtfully. "This undoes the last program applied. It's a God-send." Nobody really talked about who wrote the programs, or where he or she was now; just that some time ago there stopped being new ones.

"I don't want her to be punished… I want to talk to the Headmistress… I don't care if she never likes me…" The words were barely coherent - somewhere between the fever I'd been accumulating, my speech began to slur.  I sat on the floor and shook my head back and forth, trying to think of anything else.  But all I could picture was Staycee crying the way I had… and I couldn't put her through that… I couldn't…

"It's out of my hands, Audrey. It's an unbreakable rule." She gingerly helped the girl to her feet and started to get her situated in the chair. "And she knew that it was. She knew the consequences, and she knew the outcome. This was her decision, her choice to be punished." And there it was. The absolution of any guilt; even Audrey would realize it. With Staycee having broken a rule that required punishment, she'd taken any sense of guilt or dread away from Audrey.

…she… did it on purpose?  No… that couldn't have… but the next moment the colors took hold and I was lost.  And when I finally made it out of the darkness, the fever was gone and I felt very, very sleepy. "How are you feeling?" Rochelle seemed so skeptical, though, and that worried me.  I opened my eyes, but just barely. "Tired… very… um… tired…"

Each and every word that Audrey spoke seemed to register something worth checking off or scrawling down on the clipboard, and she whispered to herself as she chewed the end of her wooden-pencil (everybody else was on mechanical, but Rochelle liked the classic touch.) "Tell me about your feelings when you think about seeing Staycee in her underwear." She knew the healthy basement responses for a lesbian-identified girl with an attraction, and they would be evenly balanced across a few areas of fixation if things were back the way they ought to have been.

"I… um… she's… very cute…" Staycee… oh God, what did I do?  I stood up a little too quickly and wound up right back in the chair I started in. "Staycee's… she's a good girl… please don't punish her… please, I'll do anything?" The offer was empty, though.  We both knew her fate.  And tomorrow everyone would.  It wasn't fair… it just wasn't…

"She broke the rules, Audrey. You're both very lucky; there' a silver lining in this for you. You can forfeit the silver-lining any time you like, but the punishment will remain. It's non-negotiable. Which would you prefer? A day of punishment with no reward, or a day of punishment where the reward is the possibility that you may one day be able to be together?" Rochelle was still checking things off the list, but the tone of voice she used was so… calming. So sweet and warm, almost maternal in its own way. She seemed like the kind of woman who would do well with children.

"I… I can make it better… can fix it…" But I didn't.  Not that night, anyway.  I fell asleep in the chair, the headset lifted just a foot above me.  And I wasn't sure how I got to my own room, but I woke up in my bed with Staycee changing into her day clothes solemnly.  I felt like I had a hangover, though in retrospect, I had no idea what that felt like at the time.  My head was swimming and the light burned my eyes.  I climbed out of bed slowly and winced at Staycee's smile as she helped me to my feet.  Everything just seemed like a dream…

"Rough day, right?" I smiled a bittersweet little grin and gently brushed her hair away from her eyes with my finger. I meant yesterday, of course, but for me I knew well enough that today would be just as dreadful a day. It didn't matter though. All that mattered to me was that Audrey was okay, that the creep of a technician would never be able to pray on her again, and that we would be Phase Fours soon and ready to face the world. And after today… we might be ready to face the world, together. "Are they going to make me gay after my punishment today, still?"

Punishment…? Oh right!  I shook my head and pulled myself up from the bed completely. "Nuh uh.  Gonna stop it.  No punishment." Staycee gave me a small empathetic look and a little sigh but I shook my head. "No.  I can talk to her.  And I can make this better.  You'll see.  The Headmistress loves me.  I'm not letting this happen to you, Staycee.  You've been a perfect person!”

"I hit Rochelle. I deserve to be punished for that, and I don't want to be absolved. I was a bad person and I don't want to be a bad person anymore. I want to be a good person, the kind of person you might wanna date someday…" It was a low blow of me to pull that card, but she stopped for a moment of thought and I added in. "Besides. They'll only make me gay and let me graduate if I'm punished, right? Well. No time like the present." I had a confident smile, but inside I was screaming out in fear and anxiety. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. I didn't want this.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, muttering the same few words over and over to myself. "I can fix it, Staycee.  You'll see.  I'll talk to the Headmistress and she'll let you pass… and… and it's not happening." I stormed out of the bedroom, and though I intended to make a dramatic exit, it was waylaid by the fact I had trouble walking, still.  Yesterday had taken so much out of me.  Still, I walked down the hallway at the quickest pace I could manage, which wasn't far off a casual stroll.

"You know she wants to be able to be with you just as much as you want her to be able to do be, right, Audrey?" Rochelle didn't even look up as the girl opened the door to her office. "I can get the Headmistress. But she'll never allow you two to be together. Ever. Whats more important to you, do you think? A day of punishment avoided, or a lifetime of happiness, together?" It was now that she looked up, a bruise across one cheek where she'd been slapped - the sign of an overprotective Staycee.

I bit my lip and looked down to the floor.  I hadn't imagined it would get that bad… but Staycee was a large girl and Rochelle was very small. "I… I want her to be safe… even if that means she can't be with me." I kept looking at my feet as the gears in my head began to work after the sluggish morning and I finally looked up inquisitively. "Why doesn't the Headmistress want us together...?"

"I don't know. But it's been in her agenda from the very beginning, she won't say why or give us any details, other than to make it abundantly clear." Rochelle finished signing off a few pieces of paper and asked the pivotal question. "You stand there and you tell me that you'd rather her be spared than be able to be with you. But have you considered if she feels the same way? Doesn't she also want to be able to be with you?" There was a silence in the air as Rochelle went back to her paperwork and Audrey considered that angle on things.

I thought about that morning, about how calm Staycee was, even though she was so scared… how she wasn't fighting it.  She was going to let it happen just so she could move on… "Fine.  Then I wanna be punished too.  I'm not letting her do it alone." In any other circumstance, I'd never put myself on the line for another person like I had for Staycee.  But it was my fault she was like this.  I promised she'd never have to do it, and here I'd lied...

"And on what charge are you to be punished, Audrey?" It was a very simple question from the small girl behind the desk, but it was a justified one - nobody had gotten punished twice yet and now knowing that it was a graduation requirement, it made sense as to why. Each Third was punished once as part of their learning process. Audrey would have to have done something very very wrong to earn a second round of punishment.

I stormed around the side of the desk and raised my arm to hit Rochelle the same way Staycee had, but the girl at the desk didn't even flinch.  I sighed and lowered my arm, sitting back in the spare chair with a pout.  I couldn't hit her… not after everything she'd done.  Ugh… "What else are indisputable offenses?" I couldn't believe I was going out of my way to get into diapers!  But I had to do it soon… it was almost breakfast.

"Strike a staff member, strike another Third, miss a class, disobey a direct instruction…" She trailed off as if there were more and she'd just presented the most useful suggestions ~ all in all, it was pretty easy to earn a punishment, but most Thirds obviously knew better of just about all the possibilities. It was logic and common sense. "What purpose will it serve, to be humiliated again, Audrey? Why not be her protector, someone to cuddle her when there's a break in the taunting. Someone to tell her it's okay?"

"I can't save her this way." I was direct, stern, and finalizing. "If I was in her position, I could take the attention off her.  But do you really think anyone is going to give me the time of day?  They'll probably hate me for sticking up for her anyway - it's against the rules, too!" I sighed and shook my head, looking at the floor, at my feet kicking softly. "I got her in this mess.  Give me a direct instruction."

"Go back to your room, place your hands on her cheeks and kiss her lips. Look into her eyes and tell her that soon she's going to know how it feels for you, when you two kiss. Tell her you'll be there for her today, and that tomorrow it'll all be over and she'll be free to love you the way you so obviously love her." So much for direct. But she had worded it as an instruction and refusal could be construed as grounds for disciplinary action. Tenuously. "I'm not going to make it easy for you, Audrey. I don't believe you should be punished." She signed off the final piece of paperwork and looked up with a smile made slightly awkward by the swelling in her features. "You do her more good by being there for her than by being a martyr. Why can't you see that?"

"I… I just wanna help… wanna take this away.  Put me in her place instead, please?  She only did it because of me… and I feel… terrible.  Please…" I felt sick to my stomach.  I just wanted Staycee to be okay.  I wanted us to graduate and I wanted to be with her.  But I didn't want her to go through this.  She didn't deserve it; she'd already learned. "I'm not leaving here until you make it better."

"Did you ever stop to think that it might be important to her that she's punished? That she might need to know what it is you've been through so she can better understand you as you move forward?" She stood up and motioned to the door. "I have Firsts to tend to. I'm sorry, Audrey. But this is Staycee's punishment, it's hers to serve and as painful as it might be for you to sit by and let it happen, it's the price she's willing to pay to be happy."

I didn't move.  I didn't want to hear it.  I didn't like this.  I just wanted to keep my Staycee safe, and Rochelle, as nice as she was, was keeping me from doing so.  She was only in this mess because of me, and I wasn't about to let it happen.  I didn't care what Rochelle had to say about it. "I'm not leaving."

She sighed and shook her head, motioning to the button on the desk. "Is this what you want so badly? For me to call security and have you punished along with Staycee?" There was an obvious answer to the above, but Rochelle added one last bit of food for thought. "How do you think she'd feel, knowing you got punished again on account of her? How do you think she'll handle that guilt? You think you're being noble, but all you're going to do is give Staycee more reason to feel guilty."

I winced and bit my lip, looking down at my bare feet, my toes still painted from last week. "I just wanna keep her safe… and I don't know how… and I'm scared…" I rubbed my eyes a second too early and the tears dripped down my cheeks anyway.  I felt stupid for crying though, and quickly brushed them away. "She's going to be so miserable… and I can't do anything…"

"Remember the day you were punished? Do you remember how Staycee acted? She smiled at you when nobody else would. She said so much more with her eyes than anybody would do with words. And at the end of the day, she was there for you, wasn't she?" Rochelle motioned once more to the door and smiled. "Would you have traded those things for anything in the world? I think you already know how much you can do for her. You just need to do it."

"Yeah…" I stood up on shaky feet and left Rochelle's office.  I still felt like a failure, though.  The difference between my time and today was that when I was punished, all Staycee wanted to do was help.  But this was my fault.  I'd caused it, and I couldn't fix it, now.  Breakfast had started by the time I made it to the cafeteria and I sat down next to a woefully anxious Staycee. "I'm sorry.  I tried, but… I failed you.  I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay. You did great." I forced a smile for the both of us and went through in my head how today wouldn't be so bad. That it was just a single day of Hell between now and Heaven. I could do this. I hadn't expected Audrey to be able to garner any results based on the fact I'd broken an unbreakable rule, so I wasn't disappointed. Instead, I took her hand in mine and cuddled up close to her by the table with a smile. "Make sure to tease me, okay? It's important." All I really knew was what I could regurgitate from the things Audrey had taught me about why she teased the others, and I didn't want her to think of me any differently.

"Nuh uh.  I'm your roommate.  Today I'm gonna be super kind.  And everyone else is gonna tease you.  But not me.  Promise." Staycee already knew the lesson they were going to teach, anyway.  It wouldn't make any difference if that lesson was pushed on her again or not, because she was already a step ahead.  This punishment was merely cosmetic.  It wouldn't change the fact that she'd have a terrible day, though…

Everyone had shuffled in for breakfast by now and I smiled as the man ~ Malcolm ~ took the podium to announce those who were to be punished today. My heart raced and I bit my lip quite firmly, my hand slipped into Audrey's and squeezing tight as I tried to stay strong. "Elsabeth. Shana. Staycee. Please come up here, now." I didn't want to. But I looked into her eyes, into Audrey's eyes, and I thought about kissing her without being disgusted by the fact. I could do this. I stood up on shaky feet and smiled as firm a smile as I could manage, before wandering to the front of the cafeteria to meet my fate.
 

[Wannatripbaby]

Somebody better start adding some comments or these pages are gonna be 20 miles long!

[Sophie ♥]

You're tellin' me. XD 

[Wannatripbaby]

 

You're tellin' me. XD 

yes. I am telling you.

[Sophie ♥]

I like that we are just commenting nonsense to pad out the thread. XD 

(I am an expert at padding!!)

[Wannatripbaby]

 

I like that we are just commenting nonsense to pad out the thread. XD 

(I am an expert at padding!!)

Ha! An expert at padding! Because you wear diapers! Brilliant!

[Sophie ♥]

 

[Wannatripbaby]

Perhaps you could have Pudding start adding comments about each chapter? It could be about writing that chapter or one of the characters or just something silly and meaningless. Otherwise at this rate it'll be another 15 chapters before you hit page 2!

[Sophie ♥]

Pudding would just critique the sex scenes.  Like in Part 2?  She loves that scene.

[Wannatripbaby]

It's too bad I don't have the time to read this right now. I would comment on every chapter.

[Pudding]

Excuse me I like other stuff too!

[Sophie ♥]

 

Excuse me I like other stuff too!

Liar.  

[Wannatripbaby]

 

Excuse me I like other stuff too!

Name one other thing you like!

[Pudding]

Messy diapers >:o

[Wannatripbaby]

 

Messy diapers >:o

I... well... umm...

(Psst. Sophie, I think she beat us. What do we do?)

[Sophie ♥]

Never admit defeat!!  

[Sophie ♥]

Part V: All Good Things

They'd give her the shot on stage.  They did it to everyone.  And she'd wet herself in front of the whole group.  And then they'd take her away and everything would start.  And I felt sick to my stomach.  I couldn't do this.  I couldn't let this happen.  But I'd given up on saving her… it was her punishment now.  And it was like Rochelle said - I could only be there to make her better.

Malcolm was talking. Something about what we'd done, about how we'd disappointed the group, that we needed to be corrected. I didn't hear a word of it with any clarity, though. I envied Audrey and her first group of people; they didn't know what they were in for. And people didn't tease too badly, either, for fear of not wanting to be nasty. But now, this far in everybody who'd been punished teased excessively and endlessly. And we all knew what was coming. I tried to be strong, tried to keep my dignity, but the moment the needle pricked my skin, I started to cry. And cry. And cry. A few minutes passed and I felt my panties flood with warm pee, my feet soaked in the little trickle that rained down from between my skirted thighs.

I had to look away.  I felt sick to my stomach watching my Staycee on stage sobbing.  I wanted to defend her, to run up and hug her the way she'd hugged me my first day.  But I didn't.  I looked at the table and feigned ignorance.  And when they finally carted her off and brought the food out, I didn't eat.  I couldn't with my stomach turning as much as it did.

"It's okay. You know it's best." Aimee had moved across to Staycee's usual seat once the three punished girls were taken away, and she offered a reassuring smile and a squeeze of the hand to Audrey. "It helped me a lot, and I think it helped you, too, didn't it? So it'll help her. And she'll be stronger for it." Aimee had become a quieter girl after her punishment, more thoughtful, less quick to blurt out a comment. It was visible in her eyes, the way she analyzed everything now. But she preferred it this way. This was her.

"She's strong enough…" I didn't say another word through breakfast, and by the time they let us out of the cafeteria, I was the first to run down the hall and toward my room where I found Staycee on the bed in new clothes.  It was obvious by the way she sat - like a First and not a Third - that she wore a diaper under her skirt.  I ran up to her and hugged her tight, fresh tears on my cheeks. "I wanted to come after you… I did…"

"I know." I smiled a little bit and looked up at her, biting my heavily-chewed and slightly-bleeding lip. "You were so brave… so strong. When he made me… in my panties…  he made me feel like I was nothing… like I was just… a failure…" I could still feel the burning on my skin, still smell the filthy scent of my messy panties despite them being long gone. In front of two of my classmates, I'd messed myself, and I'd sobbed and thanked Malcolm for it, just the way he'd told me to. And I realized as cuddled up close to my Audrey… how broken I felt.

"Stay strong… I know it seems hard, but if you let them win… they might make you do it again." I kissed Staycee's bleeding lips and ran my fingers along her cheek.  She was so demure… so vulnerable.  But I'd conquered my desires long ago.  I knew how to control them now.  And now wasn't the time. "Just be you.  Always you.  And don't give in.  I promise you'll do great."

Audrey’s words were the only thing with color and potency in my little existence and I smiled softly, the thick diaper - in my yellow color to deepen my humiliation - preventing my legs from closing as I cuddled her closely. "I never want to mess myself again…" The thing was, as Firsts we essentially came to be at peace with the physicality's of the notion. But nothing had been so humiliating as begging to do it in my panties and then having to thank that man for the privilege.

I decided not to tell Staycee it would probably happen at least one more before the end of the day, and maybe twice from the stories I heard.  She'd had a hard morning, and she had a very hard day to follow.  I took her by the hand and stood her up, kissing her cheek and putting on the best smile I could. "Come on.  Let's go to class.  You and me." Luckily, we'd always have A class together.

Standing up with the mass between my legs was disconcerting and upsetting; all I could think about was my time as a First. Wearing diapers for the first time, being made to use them, being forced and coerced, drugged by that milk, a whole month of shame condensed into a single moment. "I thought I was beyond this… thought I'd moved past diapers forever…" And they weren't subtle, either; they were unable-to-close-my-legs thick, and I pouted more as I waddled next to my best friend.

I kissed Staycee on the cheek - her forehead was too far while she was standing - and took her hand in mine. "It's alright.  Catherine felt the same way when I was a Second.  But I took good care of her and I'm gonna take good care of you too.  Promise." I gave Staycee the best smile I could; encouragement was all I really had now.  It had worked well enough for my First, and maybe it could help Staycee too.

The encouragement really only made me feel smaller, but I nodded softly and let her lead me down the hall, hand in hand, the diaper crinkling and making itself impossible to ignore. "Maybe… I'll go all day and only wet a little bit. I bet if I skip lunch, I can go all day without using it at all." I actually started to sound giddy at the idea that I could manage to keep my diaper clean, but Audrey didn't look nearly so assured by the idea. It was like she didn't believe it possible. I frowned a little and decided to change the subject. "Catherine, your First, right? Tell me about her?"

I wasn't stupid.  I'd tried Staycee's exact plan when I had my punishment, but it didn't save me and I was sure it wouldn't save her.  Still, letting her have her moment of victory would be good for the poor girl. "Yeah.  I named her after a friend of mine.  It was probably a bad idea though, in the end, because I coddled her way too much." I bit my lip at the memories of us cuddling, of me changing her, of me diluting her milk with my water bottles. "I bet she's a really nice Second, though.  I wonder how she's doing now…"

"We'll look her up when we get out, if you want? She'll probably get out a month or so after us, if she's good." And that prompted my next question. "Tell me about your friend - Catherine One.” I nearly called her Catherine the First, but as Catherine the Second was actually a First, it might have gotten confusing.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked a pace ahead of Staycee so she couldn't see my face. "She was… wonderful.  She was my best friend, before this place.  We used to get ice cream and put it in bowls and wait for it to melt.  And then we'd drink it with those little medicine things.  She'd get vanilla and I'd get mint chocolate chip." It was a memory that was hard to look back on - Catherine was as clear as a bell, but I was… faded or blurred.  Wrong, somehow. "Anyway.  Come on.  We gotta get to class."

"She sounded all kinds of wonderful. I never really had any friends before here. I guess you're my first." It was true, too; I had accomplices and people who did stuff for me. But no real friends. Side effect of being sociopathic, I mused. I followed eagerly behind Audrey as we made our way to class, but the closer we got, the more I started to panic. By the time we stood outside the door, I couldn't go in. I shook my head vehemently and crouched down by the wall. "Can't do this…"

"Come on Staycee, you were doing so well." I took her hands and helped her stand again. "Almost every other person in our group has gone through this once already.  It just happens.  No one thinks less of you.  You're going to get through this day and it'll never have to happen again… and… then maybe you can like me?  How does that sound?"

The last part sparked my interest enough for me to reluctantly stand up and bite my lip. "It's so messed up. This place." That small bit of commentary was all I contributed though, as I clung to Audrey’s arm and she led me into the classroom. Neither of the other two girls had arrived yet and I knew that was going to mean I got the lions share of the teasing. Still, for the opportunity to fall for her? To be able to imagine a future with her? Yeah, worth it.

The teasing was relentless, as usual, but it was all things we'd heard before.  Bottom line was, there were only so many "baby" and "helpless" insults you can come up with.  Some would cycle, with heavy uses some days and few on others, and occasionally someone would come up with one you thought was clever, but you'd realize a few minutes later you'd thought it was clever the first time you heard it, too.  And I guess it made things a little more bearable for Staycee, and for me, to a lesser degree.  I didn't defend my roommate, though.  That would've been wrong.

It wasn't so much the teasing that got to me during that class, it was the having to be grateful for it. It was being made to thank each and every one of those spiteful comments, it was having to ask for me and agreeing with everything being said. It meant that every comment was akin to me insulting myself. Audrey didn't help, but she also didn't tease and I was appreciative for that; one less voice in the choir made a lot of difference. Twenty minutes in, though, I realized my diaper was flooded - was still flooding - and I had no recollection of my body giving me a warning. "Ohmygodaudreyimpeeing," I said in a whisper. I gripped Audrey’s arm and started to look panicked.

I sighed and took her hand underneath the desk.  The class was a refresher course on appropriate forms of makeup at our age, which amounted to very, very little.  I guess they were running out of things to teach us, though. "It's okay.  It's normal.  By tonight it'll stop and you'll be fine again.  Trust me, alright?"

I nodded softly, but my eyes were hollow and panicked still. They couldn't just…how had they… and then I remembered the shot, and I felt a little sense of relief. She was right. It would be over tonight, and then I'd be done. And the first hour of teasing honestly hadn't been that bad. So I squeezed her hand and smiled weakly. "Okay… okay… uh huh…" How had she done this?! I'd always imagined myself to be the strong one out of the pair of us, but she seemed to have handled this so much better than me.

The class had dragged on, but more so because of the tiring subject than the teasing of the classmates, which had diminished quite a bit since the start of the lesson.  When the teacher finally called it quits for the day, Staycee and I waited in our seats for the other kids to leave first; I didn't want her to be pushed down or anything.  And then we left for our room and for a subsequent lunch. "See, this isn't so bad, right?" Much better than my day in diapers, I had to admit.

"Only ‘cause of you." I confessed freely and easily, squeezing her hand again and smiling slightly. "Without you, I'd have fallen apart by now. I never would have made it to class, even. And it's only because I know that you still think I'm pretty despite messing my panties that I'm not freaking out over that, too." I'd wanted to ask about how Hypno would go for Audrey now, after what had happened. Presumably that creep had been fired, but the whole experience itself would probably still be difficult for her.

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled, still holding Staycee's hand as we entered our room. "After everything that happened as a First and a Second, I don't think anything could put me off someone now.  Having to change dirty diapers for three months really took care of that one for me." I tightened my ponytail and slid a fresh layer of lip gloss across my lips. "Make sure you re-do your hair.  It's loose."

"Thanks." I smiled gratefully and sat down in front of the vanity, wincing at the wet padding beneath me. "Well, I can confidently say, you'll never have to change my dirty diaper." In a lot of ways, I was glad we hadn't been in a First/Second dynamic together, because it would've bred so much oddness between us from the start and we'd never have been able to normalize.

"We can get early to lunch, if you'd like, and try to avoid some of the ruder comments you'll get waddling in.  And after lunch, Rochelle or another nurse will come by to change you." It was a pretty simple process.  Staycee would have a diaper change after lunch and one before bed.  It didn't surprise me there wasn't one after dinner since bedtime followed only two hours later. "I recommend you try to eat.  The strength will do you a lot more good than anything else."

"Nuh uh. Not eating. In no way am I going to mess this diaper. If I don't eat, I can't mess. Simple as that." Despite the uncontrollable wetting earlier, I was proud and defiant in my declaration and I actually led the way out of our room. I felt sickly anxious though. Keep your eyes on the goal, Staycee. Being able to like girls, to like Audrey, to be with her and to get a nice place and never think about this wretched hellhole again.

It was painful to watch Staycee ignore her meal.  She didn't understand, and I was too empathetic to try to make her.  She'd use her diaper even if she didn't drink or eat anything all day - that's just the way the human body worked.  Granted, she wouldn't go as much, and maybe that's what she was going for, but it wasn't worth all the effort.  It really wasn't. "You go back to the room and wait for the nurse, alright?  I'm gonna give you some privacy."

"Uh huh." My stomach was churning with what I deduced to be hunger pains as I listlessly wandered down the halls towards our room. I hated this, hated feeling sick, hated wearing diapers, hated being teased. I just wanted my Audrey; was that too much to ask? I got back to our room and laid down on the bed, pouting a little. Audrey could do this, and so could I! And that's when the images of the scene I'd walked in on came flooding back. Her on the bed, diaper wet and messy. And cummy. She'd touched herself in her icky diaper, and she'd gotten off. It was something we'd never really talked about, but the imagery was still vivid.

I paced the corridors for a while, wondering if I'd run into Aimee like I so frequently did, but she didn't show herself, even when I walked past her room twice.  I finally gave up and decided to go to class.  Hypnotism.  I parked myself out of the new door - a door I was instructed to go to from here on out.  But I didn't knock.  I didn't take another step toward it.  I just stood there for a long while, sucking my thumb, and turned and hurried back to my room.  Staycee wasn't around, and I caught the clock at ten past.  Ugh… late…

"Hey cutie, don't you have class?" Rochelle had only returned to the bedroom to fetch her clipboard when she noticed the girl sitting on the edge of the bed, thumb in her mouth. That conditioning was supposed to have been long gone, but nobody could figure out how to remove it in Audrey. She'd get anxious and she'd suck. The board ended up just accepting it as a normal possibility and moving on. New rules were written - precedents - and that was that. In that way, her use as a promotional tool for the facility wouldn't be in any way diminished.

"Can't go…" Rochelle sat down on the bed, though she didn't touch me.  I had my knees curled to my chest, which was probably inelegant in a skirt, but Rochelle didn't take her eyes off mine.  I kept my thumb in my mouth though I knew she didn't approve. "Get scared… can't go in… chest hurts… feel sick… and… just not gonna go anymore…"

"Sweetie, you know that Hypno is a very important part of what we do here. I know you had a bad experience, but that man is gone now. He's gone far, far away to a place nobody will ever find him. I promise he can't hurt you anymore." Her eyes continued to burrow into Audrey's and she eventually offered out her hand as a comfort as well, though it would be up to Audrey to take it.

I kept one thumb in my mouth and used my other hand to take Rochelle's.  But it wasn't a surrender - it was just a show of gratitude. "I don't care… I can't do it… I get sick every time I think about it, and I don't care if it's someone new.  I can't… talk.  The Headmistress knows.  I just can't talk around the techs.  And if it happens, and I can't scream… I just can't.  I'm sorry… I'm not doing it…"

"I can come with you, if you like? Sit in during the process and prove to you that you're safe?" It was an unconventional offer, but Thirds and Fourths were actually treated with quite a bit of care to ensure that they didn't freak out too much. First and Second phases were expensive, and it was better just to give a little extra help than face the notion of one of the charges backpedalling.

I shook my head and sucked on my thumb harder.  Though it was useful to know Rochelle would be there with me, it wouldn't solve my problems… "I still can't talk, though.  Even with you there… and you can't come every time.  You have work and stuff…" I bit on the tip of my thumb and looked down at the bedsheets Staycee had made this morning before breakfast.

"There's a lot about you both that the Headmistress won't discuss. Why it's forbidden for you two to be involved, why you're on separate Hypno programs from the others, why you can't talk around particular people and why Staycee knows so much about the rules. And then there was the incidents with her rejected hypnosis culminating in a massive suppression failure." Rochelle actually sounded worried. She was a believer in the process, she really was. She truly felt this was a beneficial system and she aimed to help her girls succeed. But there were some irregularities at play here.

I understood very little about what Rochelle was saying - maybe it was how fast she spoke or maybe she used too big of words, but it was difficult to understand nonetheless. "It's… just Staycee and me?" Before Phase Three, I’d never even known Staycee.  What kind of commonality could we have?  Or maybe they put us together as roommates based on that commonality, which made sense.  So our pairing wasn't random… "I hope she changes her mind… about Staycee and me…"

"Well, screw her. Love is love, right? Tomorrow I've got the order in to repeal Staycee's sexuality. Well, it'll reset her sexuality, and I presume she liked girls before, given her crimes, so you should be okay. Just be discrete…" The dorm rooms no longer had surveillance by this point ~ nobody had ever made an escape attempt in Phase Three. Why would they? By Thirds, they were all girls. Everything from here was just help being better girls.

I didn't like hearing Rochelle talk about the Headmistress so negatively, but inversely, I loved hearing how much she stood up for me and my wants.  It made me feel important, even in this dreadful place.  And by now, it really wasn't so dreadful.  Phase Three had proven far more enjoyable than Two and One. "I still can't go to hypnotism… I don't feel safe…"

"I can write you out of today under the guise of giving you an exam. But I'll have to actually give you an exam in my office, and that doesn't help you tomorrow or any days past that. But today I can help with. Come along, Audrey." She stood up off the side of the bed and smiled. What was it about Audrey and Staycee? Why were they special? They'd come through the process of being First and Second right on schedule, performed admirably and succeeded mostly. "Hey, Audrey? When's your birthday?" It was something else that had bothered her, too; both the girls had their birth date removed from their records.

The idea of an exam wasn't exciting - we'd have exams every Sunday and it wasn't at all appealing.  Maybe it meant I could get out of this week’s exam, though.  It wasn’t likely - it was only Tuesday now.  If only tomorrow was Sunday, I wouldn’t have to go to Hypno then either.  Maybe I could talk to Rochelle about it some more… "May 14th, 1995.  Why?"

"Just curious; it's not in your file is all." She continued to lead the way down the hall to her office and closed the door behind the two of them. "So that makes you…what…eighteen? Nineteen in a few months?" It was a throwaway comment as she crossed the office to her desk to fetch a few things, but Audrey stopped in place and looked confused. "What's the matter, cutie?"

"I'm… no… it's only been six months since I got here, right?  I didn't count, but I think it was… three months for both Phases.  So I'm sixteen…" Almost nineteen?  For a nurse at a place this prestigious, Rochelle was tragic at math.  That or I was really bad at counting the days. "Why do you think I'm so old?  Do I look old?" It was a worry I'd never had before - probably because I'd been in diapers until now - but aging as a girl was something I was very afraid of.  I already had so many things wrong with me - people would like me even less as I got older.

"Sixteen? Sweetie. Its January 7th, 2014. That means you're eighteen. Closer to nineteen, really. But no, you don't look it at all. You look about fourteen. Feminization always makes people look younger. You'll probably look like an early teenager well into your twenties and early thirties, especially with your own natural beauty." She didn't mean to gush, but Audrey probably was the prettiest girl to ever come through here. Well, that Rochelle knew of, anyway.

"No… no, you're wrong." I would very rarely question a faculty member, and especially about the date, but that was absolutely absurd.  They'd had to have been extending each day by five times to pass that much time.  There was no way each day was over a hundred hours long… "Maybe… your computer is set wrong or something.  I'm sorry, but… but no.  I haven't been here two and a half years, Rochelle."

Two and a half years? Did Audrey actually believe she was sixteen? The nurse raised her eyebrow and picked up a copy of todays newspaper. Portrayal of CIA Torture in Bin Laden Film Renews Debate. Syria uses Scud Missiles in Effort to Push Back Rebels. Many other various little headlines, but the date at the top was clear as it could be, in black and white printed text. "Look, sweetie. You're a little confused, I think…"

I snatched the paper from Rochelle and read over the date again and again.  January 6, 2014.  I was eighteen.  Eighteen and a half, even.  But how could that be true…?  That didn't make any sense… "I want to talk to the Headmistress." My tone was assertive.  It wasn't demanding like it had been earlier that day when I met Rochelle at breakfast - it was deliberate and serious. "Right now."

"I'll see if she's available." Rochelle picked up the phone on her desk and typed in six digits, holding the receiver to her ear as she waited for it to connect. "Hey. Look. Sorry to call like this, but Audrey is here in my office. Uh huh. Yeah. She's skittish about Hypno after the incident yesterday. Yeah. I understand. Look, Headmistress… she glanced upon the newspap-" Rochelle abruptly stopped talking, her eyes going wide as she listened and then looked at Audrey nervously. "What? That's ridicu-" Another pause, then a slow nod. "Okay. I'll bring her myself." When she hung up the phone, Rochelle looked visibly shaken.

My stomach sank. "What is it?" The phone call had taken such an unexpected turn.  They were just talking.  Things were normal.  And then she was cut off.  I couldn't hear anything on the other line, even mumbling, and still I knew the Headmistress had said something.  Why else was Rochelle acting like this? "Rochelle… please tell me what's going on." All the certainty from my voice had disappeared.  I was scared.

"The Headmistress wants to see you." She made her way to the door and held it open, smiling as reassuringly as she could for the girl as she looked into her eyes. "She said it's important, but didn't give me too many more details. She told me a little, but I think it's best that she explain it, okay?" There was a deep curiosity in Rochelle’s eyes as she regarded Audrey in astonishment and wonder.

"Am I in trouble?" I felt panicked.  Maybe I’d misinterpreted.  Maybe I was born a different year… I shook my head and stuck my thumb in my mouth. "I don't care about the date… just wanna go back to my room… please…?  Please…?" But Rochelle sighed and shook her head, leading me out of her office.  I trembled, my free hand in hers, as she took me down hallways I hadn't gone down before and through a locked door she had to use her ID card for.  I was leaving the Phase Three wing? "I… I gotta stay… take care of Staycee…"

"Staycee will be fine, sweetie. But remember not to show too much interest in her around the Headmistress, alright?" She continued to lead the way and eventually opened a door, motioning inside. "In you go, you'll find the Headmistress inside. Don't worry. You're not in trouble." It was true so far as Rochelle could know. Audrey hadn't misbehaved. She wouldn't be punished. She wasn't in trouble in one sense, but in another, she was so far in trouble she couldn't see daylight.

The door closed behind me with Rochelle on the other side.  I felt sick to my stomach.  The hall I was in had plush carpets and a reception desk, though the desk was empty.  And despite the hallway of doors to my left, I knew none of those were where I was supposed to go.  I went up to the large double doors clearly marked with the Headmistress's name, followed by her title, and knocked once.  Maybe she wouldn't be home… but the door opened and I was ushered in by the woman herself.

The stern looking woman opened the door and smiled with a mixture of welcoming hospitality and concern. She waited for Audrey to enter, and then motioned for her to sit on one of two sofas facing one another with a small coffee table between the two of them. "Come now, take a seat my dear." She followed suite and motioned to the cookies on the coffee table. "Do help yourself, child." She was so serene, so calm, but everything in her voice exuded control, despite the fact things were far from controlled right now.

I took a bite of one of the cookies and sat back on the couch.  Though the anxiety made me sick to my stomach and the cookie subsequently tasted awful.  I didn't want to finish eating it, but I also wanted to be polite.  I wanted to not look like a scared child, but I really was.  I always was with the Headmistress, ever since Phase One.  And no matter how much older I got, or how far I progressed through the programs, I would never lose that feeling.

"I understand you're a little confused about your age, my child." She was careful with her words, choosing each and every one of them in turn and making sure no sentiment was wasted or left unsaid. "You're probably wondering a great deal about this. Would you like to know the truth?" Conversations with the Headmistress were almost always a game of Chicken in which she always won. And she liked it that way.

"Um… yeah…" My voice was meek.  It was always meek with the Headmistress, unless I was upset about something.  It was just how our relationship worked, and I dealt with that.  I put the rest of the cookie in my mouth and swallowed despite the turning in my stomach and tried to look attentive, though eye contact was impossible.

"The truth of the matter is that we recalibrate our patients ages to better match their physical appearance. It helps to better adjust in the world outside. In truth, you're almost nineteen years old. But we've rewritten your age to have you be sixteen. Ideally, we'd have made you fourteen to be in best alignment, but that would raise ethical issues in Phase Four." The way she spelled things out made it abundantly obvious, like 'why didn't I realize that?' obvious. And she had a confident, reassuring smile. It was all a lie, of course, but who'd dare suspect the Headmistress of that?

"So… I'm… eighteen.  But… but when I came in you made me think I was sixteen?" It made sense.  They could pretty much do anything they wanted, but I did feel any better at the thought of being sixteen rather than eighteen.  But it couldn't have happened that way… "But at eighteen, my parents’ signatures are invalid… and that means I don't have to be here anymore.  So I wanna leave."

She actually looked shaken by the comment, but lost so very little of her composure as her words flowed into an obvious explanation. "Legally, you're sixteen now. And that includes all the legal rights implied as such, and that means you were able to be admitted here by your legal guardians."

I shook my head and crossed my arms. "If I didn't sign anything, then I don't have to be here." It was a pretty steep conclusion to jump to for someone with no legal knowledge, but this didn't sound right. "Since you started all this when I was eighteen, you still needed me to sign to put me in my parents’ custody again.  And I didn't sign anything." What was she getting at…?  Was she lying to me?  Could I really just leave?

The Headmistress stood up and wandered over to her desk for a moment, retrieving a file before returning and laying it out on the coffee table. 'Consent for Admission' read the header and at the bottom of the single page form was undoubtably Audrey's signature, with the date June 17th, 2013 written next to it. "You'll see that you did in-fact sign the consent form, and that means you're bound to be here until the completion of the program. You're actually going to leave quite the legacy here even after you leave."

"What do you mean… legacy?" I didn't sign that… I didn't!  But the document looked very real, and the signature - as tragically written as it was - was my signature.  Colin Nicholls - a signature I couldn't even remember the last time I’d used.  And a few lines above it, in dark pen, was an additional clause written in, in pen, at the last minute. 'Hereby agree to uphold the patient's right to avoid separation from Staycee Harper…'

The Headmistress waited sufficiently long for the signature to sink in, and then snatched the piece of paper away. "There we go, I hope that's answered any questions you may have had." She returned to her desk and put the piece of paper back down. "As for your legacy, child, your transformation has been remarkable. Although we still benefit from the judicial system, you're our first client that was admitted voluntarily. Your image and story will be used to promote the benefits of our facility, to help bring thousands of additional clients through our doors."

"Wh…what…?" I shook my head, climbing to my feet.  Even though I was born a boy and the Headmistress wasn't, she was still so much taller than me. "You can't do that!  You can't use my picture!" And then it really hit me… my story… "You can't use Catherine!" I was furious, teeming, and this was one of those rare moments I wasn't afraid of the Headmistress.

"Oh, but child, we can. The judicial system pays us for those sentenced to attend our facility, but in your case, there's no funding. When faced with that point, your parents signed off on using your image and story for advertising purposes as collateral. Would you like the see the signed agreements for that, too?" The money that stood to be made on private billing based on Audrey's transformation and story was immeasurable.  To be allowed to advertise with a patient.  Inmates had privacy laws, but not Audrey.

I would never be able to escape this life, even when I graduated.  Even when I got a job, and maybe a family.  Everyone would know… and they'd all know my story wrong.  It would follow me around forever… "Y… you can't… please… please don't do this…" I felt the tears slip down my cheeks. "Please don't…"

The Headmistress watched the girl sob on the sofa and shake her head over and over, but she remained unmoved by the display of blubbering despair. "It's very simple, child. You'll be used to being famous. Your gorgeous face will come to be associated to Mt. Calibeen Reform for decades to come. The face of success, the face of hope and the face of change." She sounded so so so proud of herself, and the little smile on her lips brimmed with smug success. "Where my predecessor failed, I will succeed with you, child."

I hated this.  I hated her smugness.  I hated everything about her, using Catherine like that.  So maybe I only said what I said to wind her up, and it probably wasn't the smartest idea to say to the woman who essentially owned my life. "Then I'll go public.  I'll tell everyone the truth of this place and what you really do.  And you think anyone is going to come here then?  When they know what sick fucks you are?" It had been weeks since I’d sworn.

"Is that so? I could simply remove your memories of ever being here. Of course, then you'd lose ever having known Staycee. If there's a price you're willing to pay again, then I'll be more than happy to oblige." The Headmistress didn't take lightly to threats, and tolerated cheeky children even less. She'd made sure to keep a good rapport with Audrey and Staycee since their reintegration into things, but that didn't make her a friend.

"Again…?" I frowned, standing up as tall as I could and still falling so short to the Headmistress’s height. "The ink on my contract.  I knew Staycee before.  And you erased her from me!  And you erased me from her!  Who the hell do you think you are, messing with my memories!" I was fuming.  Catherine, and then this.  It was too much. "Make it better right now!  Fix it!"

"Leave. Leave and return to your schedule. Repeat none of this. You will graduate as planned, and you will leave. A single word of this gets repeated, you raise a single issue with anybody? And you'll forget ever having fallen in love with that girl." Her words were simple, plain and clear as the night sky. She wasn't a woman to be trifled with. She'd clearly had enough of the orders and threats from the little girl before her.

I didn't know what to do, but I certainly didn't let it show.  On one hand, I didn't want to lose Staycee; she was all I had.  But the Headmistress didn't know that - not now, not after everything she'd done.  Right now we were just roommates. "You'll change my name.  In your story.  Something other than Audrey, and you won't use my face.  And you'll change Catherine's name too." I was stern and direct - a remnant from Colin I wasn't sure I still had. "And I'll do whatever you say.  If you write up a contract, agreeing."

"This is no longer the time for discussion. Now leave." She clearly wasn't in the negotiating mood and the fact she actually raised her voice spoke volumes in testament of that. She actually seemed rattled by the defiance, but for a woman who was used to people wetting their pants - literally - just by being in her presence? The rebellious fire in Audrey was clearly a surprise. She held her ground, though, and she glared at the young girl, waiting for her to back down.

"I can tell Staycee.  I can tell the whole floor.  I can tell Rochelle and all the staff.  And with every single person in this building knowing what happened to me, are you so sure it won't leak out somewhere?  If the government knows you're erasing people's memories and allowing sexual abuse from your technicians, do you think they'll still fund you?" I'd fudged the last bit, but she'd fudged my entire life.  And I didn't care. "Are you sure you want me to leave this room?"

The handsy Hypno-technician was a loose thread, a complication that threatened to destabilize the entire operation. So she leaned back on the edge of her desk and spoke clearly and with a level tone. But there was more than that. "We need your face. We'll need some footage of your life once you leave. Day to day stuff. But we can substitute names. Take it leave it." She could've just removed the girl’s memories right now, had security take her away; but with everything that they'd written and rewritten already, it was getting risky. Staycee had been testament to that.

"Let my hair grow between now and then, and it's a deal." I could cut it and dye it once I was free, officially, and no one would be wiser.  I could still live the life I wanted to live, but it meant keeping from my best friend the truth… the girl I wanted to be with.  I'd have to sign a non-disclosure agreement.  That meant I couldn't even tell Staycee.  But what was there to tell?  I knew nothing except what that I'd known her before.  Hell, I didn't even know if we were friends then.  And this way... Catherine would be safe.  Above all, that mattered the most.

"Agreed. I'll have the paperwork drawn up. Please wait here." She motioned to the sofa and then left through the doors, clicking them shut and locked behind her. It was messy now, and she didn't like messy things. She liked cleanliness. Order. It's why she ran this place, because prisons were inherently messy, but not here. This was clean. Efficient. Effective.

I wanted to know more about before, about the Audrey I was with Staycee.  When did it happen?  Was it between Phases I met her?  Everything was so seamless.  Every day flowed into every other day, and it left no gaps.  Where could I have met her?  I fiddled with the page on the desk - the only part of my file left unlocked, and read over and over the ink on the page.  I'd wanted to stay close to Staycee, and now I was.  We were together.  It was the Headmistress keeping her end of the bargain… but what bargain had I made?

It was close to an hour before the Headmistress returned with a new contract outlying the terms of the agreement the non-disclosure component. She laid it out on the coffee table alone with an elegant black fountain pen and motioned with her hand. "Please familiarize yourself with the terms, and then sign. A reminder that your name is legally Audrey Nicholls now, and all paperwork must be signed as such." She looked a little bit stressed, but kept her composure as she motioned again.

I read through the entire contract sixteen times before signing my name.  Audrey Nicholls.  It was strange, in writing, and sloppy the way new signatures always were.  Then I handed the page back to the Headmistress as well as her pen. "I wanna ask a favor.  And I know you're probably sick of me.  But you have to understand.  I'm happy with what happened here.  I like being Audrey.  I just wanna make sure, when I leave here, I'm happy then too." I wasn't sure how much of a sentimentalist side the Headmistress had, but I figured it needed to be said. "My favor.  I want Rochelle to do my Hypno.  I have a lot of problems with it, but I can talk to her.  She can make it better.  Then you get your hypnosis and I'm out of here quicker.  Best of both worlds."

"Acceptable." She'd already written into the contract the specifics of the non-disclosure agreement and reiterated at least a dozen times that the 'situation' with the Hypno tech was never to be brought to light. She really had nothing else she needed from Audrey at all.  But Rochelle was smart, and technician training was far easier than nursing. If it would help to hurry along Audrey's processing, it would mean they could prepare their marketing material sooner and start bringing in additional clients. "Now go. Return to your room."

"Thank you, Miss." I didn't have to add the Miss, but I understood the flow of power.  I wasn't stupid.  And what I'd done was a very stupid thing, indeed.  I interrupted the Headmistress's control, and doing so made me her enemy.  And if I didn't want her to attempt retaliation, in some degree, I'd have to restore her power over me.  And maybe one word could do that.  I expected to find Rochelle when I went back into the Phase Three wing, but she wasn't waiting.  So, instead, I went to my room, where I found Staycee on the bed. "You missed dinner!" She seemed enlightened, though.  I supposed her speech went well.

"Where were you?" I rolled over onto my tummy and kicked my legs idly as I stared up at her. There'd been a note left on her seat in the cafeteria telling me not to be concerned, that she'd be back later on; so I hadn't worried. But I was still intensely curious. My diaper was wet, but I'd managed to go all day without messing! I was so pleased. Of course, my tummy had been growling at me for the past fifteen minutes and my victory was beginning to feel short-lived, but I was enjoying it while I could.

I shook my head and sat down on the edge of the bed.  Today was exhausting.  With everything that happened with the Headmistress, and everything I learned, and everything I signed away the right to tell Staycee… "I had some problems with Hypno so the Headmistress is helping me out.  Rochelle's doing it from now on." But my tone was not excited.  I sounded very tired. "You mind if maybe we cuddle for a few minutes?  I'm exhausted."

I didn't reply in words, instead wrapping my arms around Audrey and pulling her down into a laying position, even as my legs kicked up the covers and then my hand pulled them up over us. "Tomorrow I get to have a crush on you, Audrey." I was brimming with excitement. Today wasn't yet over, but I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come, even if there was destined to be a messy diaper between now and then.

I wasn't sure how long it took, but with Staycee's arm around me, her body warmth so close, curled up to my chest and her leg over my thighs, I fell asleep.  And just the same, when I finally came to, I wasn't sure how long I'd been out, but clearly long enough for Staycee to fall asleep too.  I'd have looked over at the clock if I didn't notice something else first - the warm dampness around my waist.  I felt my breath catch and quickly pulled the covers up.  The ring around my bottom was evident on the white sheets, my skirt darker than my shade of blue and Staycee's soaked through. "Staycee… I think you leaked."

I groaned a little and forced my eyes open, knowing full-well it wasn't yet lesbian-Staycee day. "Huh…?" I rubbed my eyes and wriggled a little, feeling the squishy padding between my legs shift. "I wha..?" My hand grasped the covers and I looked beneath them, wincing when I saw the wet patch that had soaked into the sheets and well and truly saturated Audrey as well. "Oh, I am so so sorry. I'm going to get you some clean panties, umm..." I felt so mortified, and still so tired.

I bit my lip as Staycee moved against my leg.  The dampness of my panties - of Staycee's pee having soaked through her diaper and my layers of clothes… my head immediately went fuzzy.  Gosh she was so attractive.  I took one of her hands in mine, pulling her down on top of me, one of her legs between mine and the leaking diaper against my bare thigh.  I felt the wetness leak out of the leg band and drip onto my leg, leaned up, and kissed Staycee.  So much like before.  I'd spent the past few weeks trying to conquer these feelings, and now, like this… I couldn't help it.

I wasn't sure how it had happened, but Audrey wound up beneath me and she leaned up to kiss me, her lips pressed to mine, and then our lips parted and we kissed more. I tried to shake my head and bring some sort of order to things, to tell her my diaper was leaking, that I was getting my pee all over her, but she just kept pushing her thigh up against the sodden crotch of my diaper and when she did, the wet padding rubbed against me and I lost my breath each and every time.

I kissed her again and again, holding her hands down on top of mine, keeping her in place on my body.  I couldn't help any of it.  The kisses were electric.  The warm dampness of my panties against my skin felt euphoric.  The writhing beneath Staycee quickly turned into very directed grinding against her leg, my own leg moving against the front of her diaper, dripping more liquid down my thigh.

"Audrey!" It took a huge amount of spiraling effort to get the energy together to even manage that single word, and it was like it didn't even make it to her ears. "Please… stop. I'm so yucky right now, please…" My stomach was churning, but I couldn't tell if it was the fact I was getting more and more covered in my own urine or if it was the fact that a girl was essentially having sex with me. And I don't like girls. I like boys. I like boys. I like boys! "Audrey… I like boys… please… tomorrow… tomorrow I'll like girls… I will… only like boys... boys and cock... only like boys..." I shook my head, my eyes squeezed tight, repeating the words that had been driven into me by my hypnosis.

I hated what I was doing, what I scolded Rochelle for even suggesting, but in the moment, the lust was too much.  I took her hand, still in mine, and ran it down my wet blouse and under my wet skirt to the very sizable bulge in my saturated panties. "I like it… I like being wet… I like it so much…" I didn't want to tell her - what had come over me?!  "Please share this with me… please let me be a wet girl… please love that I'm wet, too…" I didn't, though, did I?  I'd run my panties under the water, so many times, though, and I'd wet them in Aimee's bathroom.  Did I like this?  Did it turn me on…?

I shook my head softly, trying to block out her words, trying to get my senses back where they needed to be, but then it happened… she slipped my hand underneath her skirt, her soaking wet skirt, and my fingers touched her cock. Her cock. Hers. She had a cock, like a boy. And her panties were so wet, I could feel the heat, feel her heartbeat, feel every ounce of her lust… just as the hypnosis had told me I would. And I took a sharp breath in, arching my back as all the pent up lust accelerated and rushed into my headspace. "I… wanna share with you…" My words were barely a gasp, and fingers were trailing up around the outline of her penis through her sticky wet panties.

I suddenly felt so dirty having used that.  I was a girl, though.  She had to know. "I'm a girl, Staycee… I know I have that… but… but I'm a girl, still.  You know that, right…?" I wanted her so badly… the dampness of her diaper still rubbing against my thigh and her fingertips tracing lines on my wet panties.  I needed her so badly… it was Staycee!  But I wanted her to need me too.  Not who I used to be. "You know I'm a girl…?  Are you okay with that…?" But even if she’d said no, I still wasn’t sure I’d stop.

"Uh huh…. girl…." I didn't understand any of this, I didn't get why touching her down there had triggered all of this to come rushing back into the forefront of my sexually repressed self. I didn't understand, but I couldn't question it. She was a girl. And she'd been born a boy but she was a girl now and I knew that and I'd known it all along ~ she was just so pretty and the idea that she was once a boy hadn't seemed… real. But now it was. And now my heart raced through my chest, threatening to explode. "You're my girl… my little wet girl…" I also didn't know why being wet turned her on so much, but I didn't know much about sexuality at all nowadays.

Everything was electric after that.  With Staycee's words echoing again and again in my head.  Little wet girl.  Wet.  Girl.  Little wet girl.  Hers.  I had no idea what happened after that.  I didn't care about anything else.  My lust overtook me, and by the time there was a knock on the door I was completely naked.  Staycee's diaper had been rubbed near-raw in all my attempts to squish as much moisture from it as I could. And my penis was soft after the explosive orgasm that wound up on my thigh, Staycee's wrists, and the bedsheets beneath us.  And above it all, everything was wet.  All our clothes and the sheets through and through.  I brought the comforter to me just in time for Rochelle to open the door.  She would be here to change Staycee, and all I could do was blush sheepishly.  It was no secret I was very obviously, at least, topless.

The comforter did precious little to mask what had happened; the wetness in the sheets had seeped down one edge of the bed and we were both panting, a sheet of sweat masking both our faces. So I did the only thing I could think of doing. On unsteady legs, I wriggled out of the bed and stood up, smiling sheepishly, my diaper no longer resembling much more than a single clump of worn-out padding clinging to my thighs. There was no hiding it, no denying what we'd been doing. So I just smiled and bit my lip, looking up at Rochelle. "So… you're here to change me, right?" The poor nurse looked at me, and then at the quivering shape of Audrey beneath the covers.

I was so embarrassed.  And by the look on Rochelle's face, this was entirely unexpected.  I wasn't aware at the time - not until I made it to Phase Four - but Thirds were not supposed to have any sexual activity.  It wasn't against the rules or anything - it just wasn't in our programming.  And I supposed what Rochelle saw was something she couldn't make sense of. "I… um… Rochelle… um… you think… we could have new sheets?  I'll change them… and do laundry… I just… probably need new ones…" My cheeks could light up the night sky.

"I'll have housekeeping come in." She looked uneasily from Audrey to me and at the scene around us. Housekeeping usually happened when we were in classes, so it was never something we were actively made aware of, but it obviously existed. With what Rochelle knew about Audrey now, and by extension, me, it made some level of sense that this might be a possibility. But over 95% of people had their entire sexualities stamped out in First and all but the smallest residual removed in Second. Which led to groups of Thirds with the sexuality of potatoes. And these were not two very sexually exhausted and wet potatoes. It almost seemed like… she pursed her lips and thought about that for a moment, but decided to discuss it privately with Audrey in tomorrow's hypno. "You two shower. I'll have housekeeping come now and when you get out, I'll put you in your night-time diaper, Staycee."

It was strange seeing the shower room at night.  Granted, we could rarely tell day from night anyway, but it was entirely empty and very bare, and still it seemed so different next to how it looked when we woke up.  I took the nightgown off that I'd slipped on after climbing out of bed and turned on one of the shower faucets.  For two weeks now I'd been showering in a nightgown, but now, after what had just happened, I suddenly didn't care if Staycee saw me naked.  Chances were, she had in the past anyway. "I'm sorry… about… you know…" Staycee had just started shampooing her hair when I finally spoke.  I liked it here, alone with her.  It felt safe and private. "I don't know what's wrong with me… why I acted that way…"

I was glad that I was looking away in the moment she spoke, because my cheeks flushed up with a huge amount of color. "I… might maybe… have no complaints." My lip was subject to a little wave of chewing and I turned around and looked at her naked body, then took a few steps towards her and wrapped my arms around behind her back, cuddling her close under the hot water. I didn't get it. I didn't understand why I'd suddenly become attracted to her, I didn't understand why she was so fixated with being wet… but I understood full well why I was turned on by the idea, now. All I could visualize was her begging me, and her cumming everywhere, and our soaking wet bed. And I felt myself rising gently against her thigh.

"You… don't think I'm weird?" I didn't look up from the tiled floor as the water cascaded over our naked selves.  I wasn't sure if she even knew… but she had to have.  With everything I'd said… "I never thought… I mean… it just started happening.  Gosh… and it felt so… but I don't want you to think I'm weird, Staycee.  I don't know why I like it…"

"I think… maybe you know how they make us kind of like children, right?" Obviously. The diapers are a dead giveaway. "I mean, they reset us. And we know that we become adults at some point, and I guess we're early teenagers right now. So maybe it's normal that some of us develop sex-drives earlier than others, or maybe everyone is going through this. What I mean is…" What did I mean? We swayed together under the water and I looked into her eyes, smiling contentedly in the moment. It was weird. I didn't like girls. But she was a girl. And I think I liked her now. "Maybe it's just a fetish… and it came about normally. Like some people like to be tied up, and others like to be spanked. You like it when… you're wet, right? Is that it? I don't really know the specifics of it, but I had this idea in my head that if I took of my diaper and peed on you, you'd probably finish right there and then." My smile switched to sheepish now and I added in. "I thought it was really hot… you can be my little wet girl whenever."

Spankings sounded horrible, but that might only have been because I'd been spanked in Phase One before.  150 slaps: I couldn't sit for a week.  Luckily, though, Penelope was a very loving Second.  The tying up thing seemed fun, though. "Yeah… maybe.  And it's not just… you know… that stuff.  It's just all wetness.  Like, I used to run my underwear under warm water before class.  I don't know.  I've been doing it for most of Phase Three…" I wasn't sure why I was admitting it to Staycee, or what I thought would come of it, but I trusted her not to tease me.

"Is it just your undies? Or is it anywhere? Like, I mean, we're in the shower now and you seem pretty level-headed." The idea of my Audrey running her panties under warm water before classes, sitting there next to me with that lump in front of her panties, squirming and wriggling and oh so excited - as I just sat there next to her, obliviously - I regretted all the opportunities I missed out on. Then again, it'd taken me a long time to see my feelings for her and I was worried a little about that. Worried that it was because she had a penis. I knew she wanted to be as girl as she could be, and that meant she wouldn't have that by the time she left. And then where would that leave us? Would I not be attracted to her anymore…?

"Oh." I hadn't thought about that.  But it was true - we were under the water, and I was fine… "I don't know… but I guess if I wasn't wearing underwear when everything happened I would've been turned on, too.  So maybe it's… clothes?" I tried imagining if I were naked and Staycee's diaper had leaked, but I couldn't get an accurate image. "I don't know.  We can try stuff out, maybe." Wait, did that mean…? "So… are… we together, now?"

"If you're okay being together with a kinda odd girl who has a penis and might sometimes cuddle up to you at night and wet the bed just to call it foreplay~" I spoke with a playful inflection and then broke away from our cuddle, wandering over to one wall in the bathroom to fetch a puffball and a bottle of sweet scented shower gel.

I felt tingling all over at the thought of waking up in another wet bed.  Wow, what was wrong with me?  Staycee and I finished showering, and we even tried to hurry since we knew Rochelle was waiting for us.  That and we were past our bedtime, and even after only two weeks of conditioning being up this late had really started to floor us.  By the time we made it back to the room, I was already exhausted.  I went to the closet and got myself some pajamas while Rochelle diapered Staycee on the bed.  Maybe it was because of our other Phases, but Staycee in a diaper seemed as normal to me as her in anything else.

Rochelle pulled the covers up over the two of us ~ it was very maternal of her ~ and then smiled as she took a step away from the bed. "Audrey, I'm to understand I'll be doing your hypnosis from now on, personally. So I'll see you tomorrow. Staycee, your Hypno tomorrow will remove the sexuality block put in place on you; although by the looks of it… you might have done that yourself." The concept was intriguing to Rochelle, because it was very seldom anybody here broke through their conditioning. "Goodnight, girls."

"You have no idea how relieving it is." The particular chair Rochelle had me sit in didn't have the straps where my wrists or ankles went.  She'd probably removed them herself, and it was very kind of her.  I wasn't sure I'd be okay with doing this ever again, but having Rochelle as my tech made everything feel so much easier. "I mean… I can actually talk to you.  I've never been able to do that with any other techs before.  Oh, can you tell me what you're going to do?  I mean, I always get scared.  And I've always wanted to know."

"Well, we have to do a double session today. That's okay though, because the programs can be ran at double speed and that way we can fit both in. As a matter of fact, your brain could probably process a dozen programs in the time we do to run one, but we do it at the speed we do so we can monitor you. Yesterday's program was scheduled to be…" She picked up a clipboard - always the clipboards with Rochelle - and looked at the paper labeled 'Subject Progression Chart: NICHOLLS, Audrey' with a focused expression. "Social Etiquette B. You've already had A, but these ones condition you to subconsciously sit like a girl and walk like a girl. We used to teach this stuff manually, but our old author wrote these programs because they do a better job." She looked up at Audrey and smiled. "Today's is… lesse… this one is Image Obsession. This one is going to make you notice your little imperfections, like unevenly cut nails or a thread on your shirt, and take great pride in correcting it. I know, really basic stuff but it's things other girls learn as a matter of course."

"Huh.  And here I thought it was like A Clockwork Orange kind of stuff." I was even scared to ask about the programs, at first, out of fear they'd be something horrible.  But these were just things I wanted anyway. "So… um… about yesterday…" I felt woefully shy about the whole situation, and especially because Rochelle had walked in on us. "I don't really… um… know what came over me… and I'm sorry you… had to deal with that…"

"It's okay. It was just surprising, that's all." She began to input some of the parameters into the control panel and looked up with a smile. "Look… I noticed how wet your bed was. And Staycee's diaper was quite bunched up. One of my jobs as a nurse here is to monitor the developmental progress of you girls. Is there something to that? The wetness? It just seemed a little less like an accident and more like something you were both…" She paused, as if trying to select the right word. "Reveling in. I won't judge you, and it wont go on your file, but is there anything you'd like to share with me?" She already had a pretty good idea of what was going on here; that the corrupt tech had installed the wetness/arousal routine far ahead of schedule. Then again, this close to Phase Four it was largely irrelevant anyway, but she did need to be aware of these things.

I felt my cheeks catch fire.  Had we really been that obvious?  Then again, the bed was really wet. "I… um… well…" I pushed my fingers together a little shyly, trying to keep my thumb out of my mouth.  It was a habit I really needed to break. "I kind of… um… just… like being wet?  I mean.  I don't know." I felt so stupid saying what I was saying, though.  Ugh - why did this have to be so hard? "I mean, I've always liked Staycee.  I just do.  And then when her diaper leaked I was… just so excited.  It wasn't on purpose, I swear!  It just happened!  I promise!"

"Hey now, come on. It's not such a big deal, is it? It is what it is; all grown ups have some quirks. The important thing is that you seem to have found a girlfriend who accepts it." Or at least, that's what it seemed like when Rochelle had caught the two girls in their bed together. It certainly seemed like Staycee was far from drawing any issue with what had happened; though she'd speak to the girl separately. "If it makes you happy, and it makes her happy, there's nothing to be concerned about, is there?" Of course… there was plenty to be concerned about, chiefly the fact that Audrey had been conditioned with a final stage Phase Four program, and without knowing the exact point of conditioning or what had been written over since… there was probably only one person who could undo it and she no longer worked here. So Rochelle did everything she can to put a positive spin on things. "It's part of who you are, a part you developed yourself and something that makes you special." Yeah. Spin, right?

"Uhhuh.  That's what Staycee says too." I smiled at Rochelle, my cheeks still red, and I found it easy to accept her logic.  She'd never steered me wrong before.  Rochelle pulled the headset down over my eyes and ears, leaving me again in darkness, but I wasn't scared this time.  Or any time after.  The weeks zipped by as generously as they ever had, and each came with teachings of how to become better people.  The names called at breakfast continued for another month, some people going up three or four times, before finally dwindling down.  And by the end of the second month the names had stopped all together.  I had gotten to know nearly everyone in my wing and Sundays and after dinner quickly became favored times for everyone.  And what the Headmistress and I talked about stayed only between us, and after a while it would even slip my mind.  What use was it, anyway?  The monotony continued comfortably and I lost count of how far away Phase Four was.  Did I even want it anymore?  Until one day, at breakfast, for the first time in weeks, names were called. "Audrey, Naomi, Staycee.  Come to the stage."

My heart sunk for a moment at the thought of being punished again ~ I'd been so good! I really had, and Audrey, too. We had to have been some of the best behaved in the whole phase group. And Naomi? Naomi had done even better than I had in some of the competitive events the past few weeks. Why were we being pun-… and only then did it occur to me, clear as day. The punishments were over. Which meant that… I looked at Audrey with a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand under the table, though we didn't hold hands as we approached her podium. Better to keep it quiet we'd decided. My feelings for her hadn't really changed since that first night together, that night she'd made me realize I loved her. And I did. It felt like a thousand lifetimes before me had all loved this one beautiful person and now I inherited that deluge of feeling and emotion. The funny thing was… I knew I'd had that conditioning removed. That need to be with a man. And yet my feelings for her didn't change; it's like they were already so… perfect. I loved her. My Audrey. My little wet girl. We took our place on the stage next to Naomi and the Headmistress smiled at the three of us, then addressed the rest of the group. "Girls. Take a close look at the three before you. Audrey Nicholls. Staycee Harper. Naomi Coulton. These are your role models. The girls you must emulate and cherish and hold in the highest esteem, for they've shown the true understanding of what it means to be here. They've embraced their new selves, and they will be the first of you all to graduate to Phase Four. Congratulations, girls."

Staycee and Naomi made a lot of sense - they'd always been the best.  But once everyone had learned the same lesson I learned early on, I quickly fell by the wayside.  I knew the only reason I was on this stage next to the two of them was because the Headmistress wanted me out of this place as quickly as possible.  I was a liability, it seemed.  But I didn't mind - I'd graduated!  I was among the first!  And I was going onto the last Phase this facility had to offer me.

There was applause - we were all well taught to be admirable of each others accomplishments, which at first had seemed to be in conflict of the competitive nature of the second half of Phase Three, but I understood it now. We competed, but we did it in the highest spirits. I smiled, and so did Audrey and Naomi, and soon we were ushered out the back door behind the stage. And just like that, it was over.
 

[Wannatripbaby]

Gee, that was a great chapter. I loved it when that thing happened to that person causing that person to react in a very interesting/funny/sexy/unexpected way.

(Ha! I don't even need to read the story to leave comments! I'll bet nobody can even tell!)

[Sophie ♥]

I certainly can't.  ALSO that was the end of PHASE THREE!  So we'll be moving onto Phase Four in a little bit for the people /actually/ reading this story.  Though I do appreciate Wanna's kindness in padding out this thread with comments so it's not a giant wall of text.  I know I've posted this story before and it's super long so comments aren't really reasonable.

[Wannatripbaby]

 

Though I do appreciate Wanna's kindness in padding out this thread with comments so it's not a giant wall of text.

Awww, thank you, Sophie! But I must say my motives aren't completely selfless. I do plan on reading this eventually and I'll probably be reading it here. I tried downloading it on my tablet, but it's old af and gave me a lot of trouble and I don't like the format it was in. So really I'm doing this for my future self as much as anyone else.

[Sophie ♥]

The file is massive. O_O I am not surprised it gave you problems.

Most phones can read ePubs?  

[Wannatripbaby]

 

The file is massive. O_O I am not surprised it gave you problems.

Most phones can read ePubs?  

Well my phone doesn't have the storage room. Hence why I tried downloading it to my tablet.