Looking for advice

[New_caretaker]

I am new to the community and looking for advice. I've been involved with a DL for a few years now. He wets and messes, and I have come to truly love changing him, and taking care of him. I am looking for advice on how to better play the caretaker role, especially in regards to diaper checks, and bringing my involvement out of just the bedroom and into our day to day life. He sometimes has trouble articulating exactly what he's looking for, (i.e. more creative diaper checks, but not what that means.) I know he is looking for me to take the lead more, and I want to, but I'm confused as to where to take it. Any advice for a girl who really wants to play more of a role in his diaper wearing?

[NotToBigForDiapers]

I was just a do until the last few years the ab side has moved in. Maybe I can help. Even as a diaper lover back then I felt like a 4 year old toddler when it came to my diapers. I had no desire for other toddler things, just the diapers. That said I wanted some one to take control of my diapers as it sounds he does. So what does that mean? That is a little different for everyone so use some trial and error. Just cause he may resist doesn't mean he doesn't want it. It may be part of his act so to say. This confused my wife. Have a safe word if you will to say you went to far or as we did wrote up some rules. Then respect the rules. This means both of you. I had to learn that as I agreed to things but when I was less in the mood I didn't want to follow them. I had to remember she didn't always want to do her part either but did. These are ways to take control.

Youstop him from ordering supplies and diapers. Talk it over with him at first but you decide in the end what you will get. As time goes on just totally take over. Just don't get what he wants but get some you like to see on him. For example he may want a thick diaper, but you see a cute baby print one so buy it. Or he doesn't normally wear plastic pants but you think jungle print one is cute, buy it as an extra layer of protection. Or you want to see him in a cloth diapers. So get them.

Next, don't let him change himself or adjust it. No little one in diapers does. For many this is huge. For me it is. Now this will need to be done on your terms. By that I mean if you don't want to change a messy diaper then don't allow that or make him change himself if he wants to poo then. Something very important here is that you take control of when the diapers get changed. So just because he is wet you may be busy and  he can wait no matter who is doing the changing. If he is busy to bad. Interrupt him and change him. He is to little for the  potty, then he is to little to  know when or where to change.For example my wife won't change cloth diapers, she will remove them sometimes and clean me but I have to pin the new one on. She will change my disposables, but only when wet. If she is punishing me and I have to poo my diapers I have to change it. I may adjust my diaper if loose, but cannot change it unless she says. 

Another thing is you decide what diapers he will wear and how thick. Be respectful of his views when  going out, but take total control at home. Talk first about that but once sorted out then both of you stick to it. Maybe a plain ones, maybe cloth one tonight. Maybe cute baby print. Maybe you don't want to change him for a while. Add a doubler or double up the diapers or both. Maybe you want plastic pants for extra protection or because they are cute. Maybe you want to see him waddle and put thick double cloth diapers on. But after your talk you may let him pick but it is your choice always. Again be respectful when going out to his wishes. For me I didn't mind a little bulge of the diapers at times. My wife wanted every diaper to show a bulge. For her it seemed to be to part. One if I was going to be diapered then I should not hide it any more than a kid could. Second a bulging diapers need fewer changes. I agreed with the exception of work or around freinds or family and that I may hide it with a shirt tail or something when some where I may be seen by people I know. This took some adjustments for me, but made her happy. At first I had a lot of anxiety when we went shopping or whatever. But as time went on I got over that. She reminded me she was putting up with a man in diapers and I must follow the rules or she would not participate. She always respected my part with family and such so I did the same.  This little rule did bite me in the butt later but that's  another time.

You can tell him what he can wear over his diapers thus allowing him more or less decreet when diapered.

Diaper checks are a must. Get him to agree you may do it any time or any place. Not just when convenient for him but when it is convenient for you. He may need a change and this may interrupt what he is doing. To bad. How you do it matters to many. Putting a couple fingers down the front of the diapers or in a leg hole is good. Have him stand for it and open his pants a bit if you need to. Then have him turn and pull the back open looking for poo even if he doesn't poo diapers. There is also the diaper squeeze on the front of a disposable to see how squishy it is. A big part is to be vocal about it. Oh my your diapyee is wet! Are you stinky too? Get the point. Do the same when you change him. Now if he likes a little humiliation then I have some more ideas. Even if he is in a discrete diaper you can draw attention to him. When around others, out of the blue say did you poop? Loudly as you quickly look down his diaper in back and say no must have just been a toot. Or you are at a checkout counter ask like you are trying to be discreet but yet loud enough for some one to hear, Do you need to change your diapers before we go? It is a long ride home?

Take control and diaper him every night for bed if he is not already. This means even when he doesn't want it. Commend him for getting up wet.

Ultimately most of us like some one taking total control.  You enjoy this and that is rare. But think about it. You are probably changing him when he wants and diapering him just how he wants. He is still in control. Stop doing that and do it on your terms. He will enjoy it. Do listen to his needs but do it on your terms because you need to enjoy it also.

Are you keeping him diapered all the time? Do you want it to be only discreet or are you looking for ideas to push his limits a bit? Do you want some mild humiliation ideas that may embarrass him but not necessarily bring others in on his lifestyle? I have many ideas from my personal account I am willing to share. In my case I am the one in diapers and endured them or wanted them, but later enjoyed most.

[Fulldiaper]

Frequent diaper checks from the back by pulling his pants and diaper and sniffing, groping his padded posterior and feeling for lumps or weight. Groping the front of his diaper or finger checks inside the legs. Tushy pats and just asking, "Did you make a poopy?" Did you pee-pee in your diaper baby?" Tushy pats to ensure he's diapered. Ask him how far he wants you to take it, he'll tell you unless you treat him like an incontinent patient. Either as a special needs person that requires a caretaker 24/7...Good luck