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Eugene50

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It was normal beat you for missing behavior and 68 years ago incontinence was considered a behavioral problem not a medical condition and yes for many years I didn't talk to m

My father  but I gave in  and for a year before he passed got along I felt it was better to forgive and forget then to live with the hate  that was a wrong and 2 wrongs don't equal a right 

 

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I don't hate my parents. I've said my piece a long time ago and I'd come to terms with how I was treated growing up. They know my feelings on it but yet they continue to act like nothing had happened to we kids and refused to acknowledge it. My mother refuses to take any kind of ownership of it and thats fine with me. I just chose not to expose myself and my wife and kid to it. Plain and simple. 

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19 hours ago, DL4LIFE said:

Yeah rusty it was abuse,  but back then it was considered a norm to treat your kids like this. No one intervened, even for the childs sake of welfare.

True, no one intervened and even today CPS often goes out and doesn't do anything about the situation until the parents beat the kid so bad that he or she dies.  Then everyone says, "How did this tragedy happen?"  Underfunding, threatening parents, people at CPS afraid of getting sued by lawyers and people not belieiveing the children and taking the parents at their word.

Did it happen a lot 50 years ago?  Sure.  Was it normal?  I don't believe so.  I wet the bed until I was almost 6 and was diapered every night in cloth diapers and plastic pants.  I was never punished for it, spanked, beaten or told I was lazy.  I was caught a few times in day plastic pants hiding from my mom when I was about 4 or 5 and spanked for that because I was developing a fetish at that age for diapers and plastic pants, and once on the bus home from kindergarden I wet my pants and was threatened with being diapered for school the next day, but that was it.  Never beaten or humiliated.  I could understand being spanked at age 5 when my mom found me hiding wearing just a pair of plastic pants.  I was purpously doing something I shouldn't have and spanking (not beating) a kid for misbehaving was something most parents did do.  When I wet my pants on the bus home I think it was more of my mom thinking it reflected on her parenting that I was 5 years old and wet my pants.  My parents never embarrassed me, humiliated me or treated me any different because I had to wear diapers to bed.  They always encouraged me to do the best I could and brought me up very well.  I know lots of parents mentally abused their kids over bedwetting, all kinds of things the kids did and not living up to their parents expectations, but I don't think it was normal in the sense that everyone did it and it was acceptable.  Maybe in some areas of the country where there are more conservative thoughts on the subject, religious beliefs, blue collar families where the dad goes to the bar, watches the fights and expects his son to be "A MAN" and involved in those same things.  He wants his kid to basically be a bully.  If his boy wets the bed he is a disappointment to his father and shamed for it.  Likewise, maybe a family is from the upper class and the mother is so into her social standing that it's a bother having to deal with a child who wets the bed or pants and it is socially unacceptable, therefore she shames her kid and belittles him telling him he's worthless and all.  Who really knows?  I just think because some ignorant parents back then (and even now) treated their kids that way doesn't mean it was normal.  I'd bet the majority of parents didn't beat or mentally abuse their kids for their urinary issues.  It's one thing to strip a kids clothing off, diaper them and make them stand out in the front yard while all his friends and classmates are looking and laughing at him, and something quite different to help their kid by suggesting they wear some protection like diapers if they have a bedwetting problem or discreet pull ups under their clothing if they have day accidents.  You are in fact helping the kid avoid embarrassment and humiliation if he should have a wetting accident while playing with his friends.  Better to wear a discreet and undetectable disposable pull up under your jeans than to wet your pants in front of your friends. 

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38 minutes ago, rusty pins said:

True, no one intervened and even today CPS often goes out and doesn't do anything about the situation until the parents beat the kid so bad that he or she dies.  Then everyone says, "How did this tragedy happen?"  Underfunding, threatening parents, people at CPS afraid of getting sued by lawyers and people not belieiveing the children and taking the parents at their word.

Did it happen a lot 50 years ago?  Sure.  Was it normal?  I don't believe so.  I wet the bed until I was almost 6 and was diapered every night in cloth diapers and plastic pants.  I was never punished for it, spanked, beaten or told I was lazy.  I was caught a few times in day plastic pants hiding from my mom when I was about 4 or 5 and spanked for that because I was developing a fetish at that age for diapers and plastic pants, and once on the bus home from kindergarden I wet my pants and was threatened with being diapered for school the next day, but that was it.  Never beaten or humiliated.  I could understand being spanked at age 5 when my mom found me hiding wearing just a pair of plastic pants.  I was purpously doing something I shouldn't have and spanking (not beating) a kid for misbehaving was something most parents did do.  When I wet my pants on the bus home I think it was more of my mom thinking it reflected on her parenting that I was 5 years old and wet my pants.  My parents never embarrassed me, humiliated me or treated me any different because I had to wear diapers to bed.  They always encouraged me to do the best I could and brought me up very well.  I know lots of parents mentally abused their kids over bedwetting, all kinds of things the kids did and not living up to their parents expectations, but I don't think it was normal in the sense that everyone did it and it was acceptable.  Maybe in some areas of the country where there are more conservative thoughts on the subject, religious beliefs, blue collar families where the dad goes to the bar, watches the fights and expects his son to be "A MAN" and involved in those same things.  He wants his kid to basically be a bully.  If his boy wets the bed he is a disappointment to his father and shamed for it.  Likewise, maybe a family is from the upper class and the mother is so into her social standing that it's a bother having to deal with a child who wets the bed or pants and it is socially unacceptable, therefore she shames her kid and belittles him telling him he's worthless and all.  Who really knows?  I just think because some ignorant parents back then (and even now) treated their kids that way doesn't mean it was normal.  I'd bet the majority of parents didn't beat or mentally abuse their kids for their urinary issues.  It's one thing to strip a kids clothing off, diaper them and make them stand out in the front yard while all his friends and classmates are looking and laughing at him, and something quite different to help their kid by suggesting they wear some protection like diapers if they have a bedwetting problem or discreet pull ups under their clothing if they have day accidents.  You are in fact helping the kid avoid embarrassment and humiliation if he should have a wetting accident while playing with his friends.  Better to wear a discreet and undetectable disposable pull up under your jeans than to wet your pants in front of your friends. 

You're one of the lucky ones I was beaten daily for being incontinent In my father's eyes  wetting the bed didn't necessary mean that the bed had to be wet  all it meant is I was and I was beaten force  it and  same thing for daytime accidents I was checked and if was wet or dirty I was beaten and humiliated and no gave a damm

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That is bad.  Even though there are or were parents like yours out there many years ago, I still think your situation, while having happened to other kids as well, was not normal.  It's just too bad there were not the protective services back then that there are now.  I mean school teachers and people trained to recognize and question it when a kid shows up bruised.  After so many incidents over many years and lawsuits against people and institutions for not recognizing the signs of child abuse, I think (and hope) people these days speak up more and question it when a child says something or appears to be physically injured. 

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1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

That is bad.  Even though there are or were parents like yours out there many years ago, I still think your situation, while having happened to other kids as well, was not normal.  It's just too bad there were not the protective services back then that there are now.  I mean school teachers and people trained to recognize and question it when a kid shows up bruised.  After so many incidents over many years and lawsuits against people and institutions for not recognizing the signs of child abuse, I think (and hope) people these days speak up more and question it when a child says something or appears to be physically injured. 

I agree today my father would be in jail

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If I waited to long to go pee and started to wet, if I was outside playing with friends they were told to go home and I was told to take my pants and shirt off and sit on the veranda and mom came out with a dish pan full of water, she would say you want to be wet and she would dump the cold water over my head, then spank my wet but and send me to my room. |Oh I was probably 10 to 12 years old then.

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On 5/1/2018 at 2:03 PM, DL4LIFE said:

I don't hate my parents. I've said my piece a long time ago and I'd come to terms with how I was treated growing up. They know my feelings on it but yet they continue to act like nothing had happened to we kids and refused to acknowledge it. My mother refuses to take any kind of ownership of it and thats fine with me. I just chose not to expose myself and my wife and kid to it. Plain and simple. 

I think its important to come to terms with your parents when you had a difficult childhood. My mother died when I was a young adult but my father lived quite a long life and died only a few years ago. He admitted that he and my mother had made mistakes but put it down to things being done differently decades ago. He also admitted that a neighbor had threatened on a few ocassions to contact child services because of my mothers inability to properly cope with her kids particularly I think because she had an alcohol problem. Personally I don't its healthy to let our childhood relationships with our parents permanently define us even though clearly they have big effects. We have to accept that our parents are/were imperfect adults and come to terms with that.

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  • 6 months later...

Jeez, I'm sorry you endured so much abuse. I was never punished, though my mom did try to get me to stop bedwetting. She even called someone over with a program designed to help children stop bedwetting. I was not particularly nice to him throughout this, and eventually, he had enough and left. My mom tried to get him to stay but he told her no and walked out. I was so proud of myself.

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I don't ever remember being punished for accidents. I can vaguely remember a little bit of potty training and I can remember having a few daytime accidents and thinking that I'd get a spanking,  but never did. I can't remember bedwetting,  peeling the bed. I remember wet dreams,  but that was mostly just my undies, maybe a little wet spot on the sheets. 

My last accident was in kindergarten, I had an upset stomach and ended up pooping in my pants.  The teacher kept asking who it was, but  no one would fess up.  Finally she figured out that it was me and took me out into the hallway and felt the seat of my pants  to confirm that it was me. Then she just sent me to the nurses office. I was really embarrassed and worried that I'd be in trouble,  but everything was fine.  They called home and my Grandma came picked me up and that was it.

I can remember being young and my Mom telling my Dad about someone they knew having trouble potty training their child and nothing was working,  not even spankings. Maybe that's where I get some of my desires from.

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  • 4 months later...

AS a kid I was punished .  It would happen when having accidents.  It would normally start with a threat and then putting me back into diapers day and night.  It also was a change in my bedtime as well.  The only thing that I did not mind was having to rush to the bathroom.

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