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Hi all! So I was recently(Dec,2017) hit by a car while on my bike and working (bike messenger). It started with leaks when I would sit down in a chair maybe twice a week, now it’s happening all the time whenever I sit cough sneeze squat etc. yes I have all my doctors on board about my incon and the incident at hand, lawyers too.

 

As I do not plan to return to the same line of work due to multiple reasons(aside from the fact the diapers and fixed gear bikes don’t really work). I was thinking a different line of work. Maybe a customer service person at a care center store, particularly if they have a nice selection of diapers. But most importantly I’m trying to find a potential a job that would be an already understanding environment to incon folks. Any suggestions would be great.

 

SleepyBee [emoji259][emoji219]

 

 

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For starters, your employer not only doesn't need to know, you aren't obligated to tell them because you have a right to medical privacy.  You could let them know that you may need more frequent or extended bathroom breaks due to your injuries and leave it at that.  They might want a doctor's note, but they won't need specifics (such as anything saying that you'll be changing your diapers - that's none of their business).  I've been incontinent while working in a prison while also part-time at a retail store and a fast-food restaurant, and then while working in a cubicle-style office environment (data entry, but it was the same setup as when I worked at a call center years ago).  It sounds to me like you'd be fine in adult pullups instead of full diapers, but I've worn both types to work and never notified my supervisors of it.  Pullups are also easier to change in bathroom stalls because you don't have a lot of room in there, plus there's no tell-tale sounds like taping up or removing the tapes, so keep that in mind if you're concerned about being discreet.  They're also faster to change, which means you won't have to worry so much about taking too long of a break; additionally, they're smaller so it's easier to carry spares in something that doesn't look like a diaper bag (I can fit mine in my purse and my laptop bag).  Ultimately, incontinence doesn't directly affect your job performance in most professions, so it's not a huge deal.

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Pullups may work easier for a girl wearing a dress but in pants they make changing more difficult as you have to take your pants and shoes off every time you change you may be able to skip removing the shoes if your pants are big enough. I have been wearing taped diapers for 3 years and find they work better then pullups for keeping your pants dry. Wear what you can trust to do its job and dont worry about some one noticing you changing.

 Wearing premium taped diapers is no big deal you get use to wearing them and dealing with changing quicker then you think I started in pullups when my bladder issue first started to try to hide the fact I needed protection but a few major leaks quickly convinced me to wear proper taped diapers..

pullups may work for you dealing with incontinence is a lot of trial and error at first as you find the right level of protection thst works best for you.

 

 

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Working in a call center can be a good or bad job.  It all depends on they type of call center and their expectations of you.  If it's just to handle questions or take payments over the phone, fine.  If you are expected to sell people additional products the company offers and if you are expected to have a monthly sales goal you need to reach, that is a terrible job.  Believe me, I know!  People who call and can't pay their bills as it is are not going to buy additional products and services.

Working in a health care center store might do well, but I wouldn't take that job with the idea that you can pass along to all the customer's your own experiences with incontinence and wearing diapers.  You still have to be mindful of their privacy and follow the regulations and guidelines of your company along those lines.  If asked by the customer about a product you yourself have experience with, I see no reason you can't say, "Yes, they work well, I use them myself".  You may or may not have better success applying for that type of position if you do state on your application you are incontinent.  The management could feel that you are more knowlegable and also sympathetic to the needs of their customers.  They may not.

As far as letting your employer know, I feel it's on a need to know basis but not a bad idea to let the HR department know just as a heads up.  They can intercede with employees and bosses if there is a problem and remind them about the consequences of violating the laws concerning people with disabilities.  Usually being incontinent doesn't affect your work but it can also depend on what kind of work you are doing.  You will have your normal breaks, but will they be enough if you need to change diapers?  For example, lets say you use a thinner discreet diaper so people in your call center won't notice while your sitting on the phone.  It won't last until your break without leaking or you get stuck on a long call so you go with thicker more absorbent diapers.  They can be more noticeable.  Before people tell me I'm wrong and no one will notice (and I usually 100% agree), I spent over 10 years in a call center with up to 200 people and I can tell you what a lot of them wear as their brand of underpants or panties, including the color!  It's not that I was a pervert going around looking at people's butts as they were seated at their desks, it's just that it was very obvious to any casual passer by the way the desks were arranged and the types of desk chairs used.  I had to tell one manager to talk with one of her call center reps because I not only could tell she was wearing a green undergarment but that it was a thong!  That's how far down her pants had slipped as she was sitting there working.  As good as a person is at keeping their pants pulled up and dressing carefully and conservatively, working at a desk 8 or more hours a day, getting up and sitting down and moving around does allow for something to show.  Other jobs can also have wardrobe failier.  Who hasn't seen someone's plumbers butt crack at one time or another?  Just when you think your safe you have to bend or move in one position or another and you feel your shirt riding up and your pants sliding down a little and then you have about 2 inches or more of exposed diaper.  Those situations may not affect your ability to do your job, but it could be distracting to you or other employees who go around talking about it behind your back, going out of their way to see if they can notice anything.  That's why I say it's a good idea to let your HR department and possibly your immediate boss know.  They can put the kebosh on things quickly.

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Well one thing I can say is that the diapers work much better in my case. I actually started with pull ups, but didn’t last long, as they were starting to leak before I noticed it was time to change. Also I have an issue with pull ups. I am, well, what others might call gifted. And because of that, when I point my junk down like I’m supposed to, it all pools up just at the bottom, so the whole front side is pretty much dry, even tho I’d be leaking. So I stepped it up to diapers. Which, truth be told, I had always preferred diapers anyways. It’s just kinda sucks how I went from having the choice, to not. That’s really the only part that honestly sucks. Otherwise I like my diapers, with tapes and all.

As for the employment, I’m looking at it from the perspective of me being unemployed. Technically I’m going thru all of the workman’s comp stuff now. But I have no intention of getting back on the to risk my life any further, it was fun while it lasted(5years). Been hit by more than I can count on 2 hands. And I walked away with my life intact * knocking on wood* but I’m done. Now I’m looking for a sweet new gig. Somewhere where I can just keep my head down and work. Security maybe? Idk


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On 2/8/2018 at 3:44 AM, Rob110 said:

Pullups may work easier for a girl wearing a dress but in pants they make changing more difficult as you have to take your pants and shoes off every time you change you may be able to skip removing the shoes if your pants are big enough. I have been wearing taped diapers for 3 years and find they work better then pullups for keeping your pants dry. Wear what you can trust to do its job and dont worry about some one noticing you changing.

 Wearing premium taped diapers is no big deal you get use to wearing them and dealing with changing quicker then you think I started in pullups when my bladder issue first started to try to hide the fact I needed protection but a few major leaks quickly convinced me to wear proper taped diapers..

pullups may work for you dealing with incontinence is a lot of trial and error at first as you find the right level of protection thst works best for you.

 

 

I'm not saying OP can't or shouldn't wear diapers.  I was an AB long before I became incontinent, so people can wear all the diapers they want in my opinion.  I'm just saying that since OP isn't experiencing total loss of everything in his bladder at once, pullups would be a good place to start wearing on the job.  It sounded like diapers might be overkill in how he described his leaks at first, but since I can't relate to his situation about the problems caused by being "gifted" in certain aspects, I'll take his word for it that his situation causes some problems.  As for skirts vs pants, when I have to stand to change my diapers, like in a bathroom stall, I still find it easier to do if I take my pants off for it, so that step is part of my process either way.  But I'm also clumsy and less likely to trip over my pants bunched up around my ankles if I'm not wearing them.  Also, I worry more about wearing diapers under a dress or skirt than pullups, because if the tapes come undone or get stretched too much from prolonged wear, they can fall right off with no pants to keep them in place. It has happened and I've had to dash to the nearest ladies room holding my diaper in place on one side.  Leaks are going to happen no matter what you're wearing, honestly.  Especially at work when you're moving around more than you would at home and causing your diaper to shift and stretch (and squish if you're often going from standing to sitting several times a day like in an office job), since unless you can get the premium brands all the time, diaper manufacturers assume that adults who need diapers have limited mobility.  For that reason, I've had more struggles trying to find a reliable workplace diaper than pullups, though Tenas are my preferred for that.  I completely agree that finding the right product is a frustrating case of trial-and-error.

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Glad you're still here. Car vs Bike never goes as well for the rider. As to what protection is best will depend on a number of things such as frequency of wetting, the amounts voided, and the accessibility of changes as needed ;) Heavy voiding or longer-term wear will require a premium diaper; lesser needs allow other options. Pull-ups can be viable if you can deal with undressing to change or if you switch to a tape-on when changing by tearing the sides of the pull-up. My work-wear changed to tape-ons after an unexpected bout of diarrhea occurred in the field with nowhere to change except standing behind my car door :(

I can't say much about future career choices except that you have almost any options you want, Do consider that back injuries often degrade over time so maybe best to do something which won't over-stress yours. Your Doctor or Physical Therapist can offer better insight on that as the type of injury matters here. A similar field which might work for you is doing courier work in a car. Traffic will be a lot more frustrating than before though :P I did that for awhile myself. You usually have to work your way into the best routes so starting may be low-income.

I don't know what your legal options are but diapers ain't cheap and many insurance plans don't cover them so you need to be compensated for the cost, and there's the possibility a future injury which would be small for others might totally disable you :o The latter is my current worry and it limits my work and my income. Most back injury cases go under-compensated :angry: I know all this is vague but really you can do almost any job and live almost any lifestyle while diapered- it doesn't need to overly restrict you B)

Bettypooh

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hey there Betty Pooh! heres a little info on me. first id like to say how grateful i am that im still here. couldve been WAYYY worse. yet i still cant help but have harsh feelings towards lady that hit me. Oh Btw found out that shes an LICSW, licensed social worker who specifically dealsin helping with disabled and old folks get there benefits.......

anyways, as for products that im using. well i started wearing pull ups for need a couple weeks into the accident. the following morning after the incident, i had pooped a little nug in my actual underwear while sleeping. never happened again after that. since that night i  had started leaking, very small amounts anytime i sat down on the futon or squatted knelt down coughed sneeze laughed. but initially it was low frequency, once or twice in a week, some where around 2-3 weeks i noticed the frequency increased. the pull ups were no longer doin there job for the length of time i needed them to. now its more like almost everytime i put stress on my bladder, and as of a couple days ago i noticed the squirts becoming a little bigger as well. I had an MRI yesterday for my lower back(lombard area?), waiting to hear back on the results. my ortho doc just became the head surgeon for the Boston Celtics. i so lucked out!

as for working environment, well that seems to be more limited for me. like a lot folks here, im dealing with a lot of issues. like ADHD w/severe learning disabilities PTSD from both parents passing( dad at age 9, and mom at 21) plus things that happened to me in the military. got out of the military(which my mother had just passed away a month prior to me getting out). so ive was a mess for quite some time. couldnt hold a job longer than 3 months. in and out of apartments, couch surfin, i even hit up a homeless shelter for veterans for a lil while. i took a LOOOOOOONG time before i started snapping out of it. and it was being a bike messenger that changed all of that. i was able to be free, ride my bike , smoke weed whenever i had down time. take out all my frustrations on the jerk cab drivers that i deal with a hundred times a day. FINALLY, i found a job that works for me, AND even better than that. i found something even more precious to me, (and my military people will understand me)... i found a family, a brotherhood. i thought it was impossible to find in the civilian world, but i EFFIN found it!! right when i started to feel whole again, this lady stole that from me. i finally found a job that i can stick to and truly work on bettering myself as a human being. i was with these guys for 5 years!! ive never seen a job past a year before this!!              sorry i vented a bit.

so im really trying to find something that actually works for me, somewhere where i can be comfortable and happy, even if its an entry level job

while im at it, does anyone know of any ABDL companies in or near Massachusetts or New England? figured it might be worth a shot..

 

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Say, you were working as a bike messenger.  Someone has to dispatch the riders with their messages!  Have you thought about seeing if your company has a position in a building, a support position that doesn't have to do with riding or being the messenger?  They are already familure with you and your work record.  Maybe based on your situation they have a job for you within the company doing something you can handle!

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Initially I wanted to exactly that. But their motives are clear ($$$). That’s just how I personally feel. But Right this moment I can’t even say what I can and can’t do. Literally just had my MRI yesterday, waiting to hear back. But also this whole workman’s comp has put a huge damper on our relationship, and then there’s the incontinence part of it. I honestly feel incredibly uncomfortable going back. I’d rather pick a different occupation. If I can’t ride my bike, then I don’t what the heck I’m gonna do. Honestly it’s a disaster the whole thing. And it’s put incredible stress on my relationship. Trying to find something that I would feel comfortable doing if doctor says the incontinence is permanent. So that’s why I’m on the hunt now


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No need to apologize- we understand. There's a song called "Life sucks and then you die" which I claim as my theme song :rolleyes: Many years back a surgery saved ,my life, but 5 years later I still hadn't regained the strength and stamina I once had and that's not gotten any better. The work I once did and loved was no longer open to me. And as I've gotten older I have to keep crossing off items in the list of things I can still do. Yeah, it really sucks but there's still a few things I can do and it keeps me where I want to be even if all I can do is watch someone else doing what I used to do. I could once hold my own against Superman and now any young teenager could whup my butt and run rings around me and I'm not even 60 yet. Sheesh. I wonder everyday what tomorrow will bring :( So FWIW you're not alone in the career loss department. I can't say how to deal with that except that you're young enough to make a good start again if you need to and there;s great value in that B) 

I'm self-employed so when I saw your first message my first thought was "Start your own bicycle messenger service" :D You certainly know the business by now and you know the people out there doing the work. I have no idea what that would entail but it's a possibility, and if you got a big enough settlement from the wreck it might be a possibility. And that is something you can do forever, not just while you're young ;) Or maybe you can find happiness doing something else. For most people a job is simply the unpleasant thing you do to keep the bills paid yet many of us need something else from our employment, something more deeply fulfilling. something less boring than the same-old-same-old every day. Something which requires focus, skill and knowledge. It seems you're in that group at least partially. And in every field of this kind of work thee is a camaraderie among our own kind; not quite a brotherhood but similar :thumbsup: So widen your horizons and give some thought to exactly what the core feelings of the old job were and see if you can't get that from something else. Never say never until you've tried it- you might have en exceptional talent hidden in you that just needs uncovering or developing. The only thing holding you back is you- almost every job can be done while diapered so within physical limitations the whole world is open to you.

Physical limitations are probably going to be your biggest problem in the long run. What's the long-term prognosis for your back injury? Is it something which will allow a normal life or is it something likely to degrade or be prone to re-injury?  That is something you can only work around, there's no real fix for it. My L4-L5 is just waiting to be hurt the wrong way with sufficient force to land me in a wheelchair :o I know this and I'm careful but in my work falls aren't uncommon. I'm very careful so I'll probably make it but any day could be my last. I smile and go on because at least I'm doing something which makes me happy. If you have to adapt to your injury then that's what you do- we don't always get the choice and any one of us can be the next statistic :crybaby:

As for incontinence protection you're probably going to need to begin looking beyond the usual retail products which only work for light incontinence.There are many levels of protection in different styles and cuts so it's a bit trial-and-error till you find what's right for you. You can use a liner to help deal with minor fecal accidents but larger ones will probably require changing. You also want to balance capacity against wear-time for economy's sake. No point in wearing the best if you're going to be trashing it every couple hours before it's urine-soaked :angry: That's something each of us has to work out based on our own needs and our comfort level. Tena, Seni, and Molicare all make top quality products at varying protection levels and offer a choice of cloth-like or plastic backing.There are others too but these are where I'd start for something better than retail diapers, and many online suppliers offer sample packs which helps finding the right one easier. You're also going to need a few lifestyle changes such as a skin-care regimen and always having adequate changes on hand :unsure: It's do-able but methods vary and again you just have to find what works best for you. The main thing is to know that you've still got most of your life ahead of you and you can have a happy and fulfilling life this way :girl_happy: It's not really the end of anything just a change in plans to meet the circumstances you're in. Life has a habit of being that way so adapt and overcome then continue forward. Happiness comes only to those seeking it, so now find all of it that you can- it's out there!

Bettypooh

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I 100% can agree with you not wanting to go back to the place you worked.  I well understand the conflict between employer and employee once you file workman's compensation.  It causes problems for the employer, but tough shit!  That's the reason for workman's comp!  Sometimes working environments are not good for one reason or another and this not only protects employees but also helps regulate and keep some business on their toes to make the work place a safer area.  Years ago I worked as a printer and employees would always raise up the guards on one type of press.  Personally, I thought hose guards were kind of useless myself but management finally cracked down on everyone and stated the guards have to be in place!  The thing is, once OSHA becomes involved over a work related injury, it can be a lot of hassel for the business.  I say "So?"  True, a company probably can't do much about someone being hit on their bike in traffic, but again, that's why there is insurance!  I can relate to someone feeling uncomfortable working for the company after all that.  Not sure I you have seen a personal injury lawyer, but if you haven't it might be a good idea.  You have most likely permanent injuries with back problems and incontinence and your livelihood has been taken away from you.  A settlement against the person who hit you and whomever else you may have a legitimate claim against you will help in the long run with bills and future medical expenses.  On top of all that, a lawyer might be able to advise you if you can get disability, at least until you heal and are able to find some type of work you can do.  Disability sounds overkill at the moment, but remember with a back injury you may not be able to work a full time job without pain.  Not lifting, standing on your feet or even sitting in a chair day after day for full time work.  It all depends on what your MRI shows, what your doctor's say and your prognosis and how you feel when going about the day.  

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Wow this really good information. The MRI happened on Friday, my doctor will be getting back to me, I believe, on Monday. Can’t wait to hear the news. I think what really got my gears going, is that idea of creating your own business, and happiness. My head could go for days on ideas. But here’s a little about me personally. I have ADHDw/ SEVERE learning disabilities. It’s quite weird actually, because I can talk normal and act normal, everyone thinks I am. “Oh he has so much potential” , the amount of times I heard that...never lived up to my “true potential “ problem is, is that this learning disability of mine stops me dead in my tracks. Academically, I’m effin retarded, no joke. Physically I’m a genius, balancing in place on my bike, I’d be rockin 20-30 mph on a fixed gear bike for 8 hours a day. I guess I don’t have this thing called a higher executive skills. Educationally I’ve always felt growing up that I was something like 3 years behind my peers. College is not the greatest environment, it’s almost impossible for me to focus meet deadlines of any kind. On the work note, your right about that a job needs to be more deeply fulfilling. I’ve worked at soooo many different places. From deli guy at the grocery store to indoor trampoline parks to imax theaters inside a furniture store covered in jelly bellies with an ice cream place and trapeze artists whom YOU can join. I like fun jobs, not your standard run of the mill “crunching numbers” kinda job. I’d be gone in a week!


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As a fellow cyclist, I suggest that before you choose surgery, do everything in your power to get better without it.  I don't have experience with a severe back injury, but I've managed to avoid further knee surgery after removal of my medial meniscus in my right knee almost 40 years ago, by cycling and stretching.  I have minor issues with my back and I found a book that I believe will help anyone who is willing to work at resolving their back issues.  His methods have helped me. You may be surprised to find that you can return to cycling with dedicated and focused effort.

The Back Mechanic by Prof Stuart McGill, http://www.backfitpro.com/books/back-mechanic-the-mcgill-method-to-fix-back-pain/

From the website; "All back pain has a cause – your challenge is to identify your specific cause and address it. The modern medical system, with 15 minute appointments does not provide the opportunity for a back pained sufferer to obtain a thorough and precise diagnosis of their pain mechanism. They are left without a guide of what to do to fix their back pain."

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Quick update:
I finally got the results back for the MRI on my lower back. I got a bulging disc.. fun. Knees still feel janky and loose, but my ribs are practically in no more pain, I can sleep on my side again!!! Now I’m waiting on a urologist.


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  • 1 month later...

SleepyB,

how is the incontinence.

Secondly, not to be unsupportive, but I am looking at this from your opositions lawyers view - devils advocate or so to speak - since you are on this site, coudl it be said that your incontinence was a gift, something that you wanted and something that you have been working on for a while. If that is the case, your opposition might use it against you to partially cost you for the accident.

PS, if you didn't realise this, I do NOT trust lawyers.

From a medical perspective, it seems that the vertabrae damage has effected your motor and nervous control. I suspect L2-L4. Your own doctor can confirm this. Since you are - as you stated, experiencing 'jangly legs' - which is a symptom of reduced nervous control within lower limbs, it would not be unusual for you to need assistance while walking.  In my opinion, your incontinence is permenant which will includes loss of bowel control.

From what you have stated re. your interest in number crunching combined with ADHD, I would suggest that you get a very good lawyer and bring a case against the woman for the costs you will incur in the future. I don't know the value of workmans comp in USA, but I don't think that it will compensate you for possible below waist paralysis and the relevant medical costs involved.

   

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  • 4 weeks later...

Healthcare here in the US is a joke, what the call workmans comp. is barely enough to cover monthly expenses, if at all. I have not personally had to deal with the workmans comp guys, but I do have friends that have, and most of them ended up couch surfing or moving back in with parents. Healthcare in general in the US is primarily directed at people who work middle class jobs, the rest of us Min. Wagers simply can't afford it. Myself for example.. My monthly take home is about 1850$, Minus rent and renters insurance (980), Phone 50, internet 80, Food, 200, Diapers and other items 200-300), well, there's pretty much all my check, then on top of that most healthcare plans want 250-350/mo., Sorry.. fat chance.

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