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School  was coming to an end for another year.

There was talk to eliminate my position of playground monitor, I would still be a crossing guard.

But I only would work 3 or 4 hours as day instead of the 6 to 8 hours a day.

Also since my job of playground monitor would be going away so would part of my pay, by $3.50 an hour.

Since the minimum wage was increased they decided to eliminate several positions from Aides to maintenence personnel, making others like teachers take up the slack as monitors. Cut the custodial force by a 1/4 and make their secretaries take on other duties.

With all the added jobs still nobody was getting raises, just do more for the same pay.

The union was talking about a strike.

Like most state employees, it has been years since a raise was given to teachers.

They were promised raises by the new governer but the Legislature and Senate vetoed it.

They dont know how close they are becoming to being voted out next election.

Same with my school board that are cutting my hours.

Yeah I get a pension but I still have a few years until I receive social security.

The hours that I was getting were making me so I was bringing home about maybe $400 to $500 a month more to what I was making before I retired.

With being a crossing guard I will be breaking about even. Maybe  only $50 - 100 more. 

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That trip sounds like fun . Like you, I am fond of history. I could spend days walking around old neighborhoods just looking at the old buildings.  These on the east coast. I have a book of ghost towns out west and my kids and would take weekend trips and go check out old ghost towns. I would love to go see 1000 year old buildings. I have been to Nogales many times while stationed at Fort Huachuca down in Serria Vista. I have also been around the world a few times. 

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We were packed and then tomorrow at about 2030 hours (8:30 pm) the plane leaves Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. A 747.

We are taking the light rail to the airport it would leave for us about 1633 hours (4:33 pm) it would take a half hour to get to the airport. Then catch a tram from there to Terminal 4 where British Airways flew out of.

We needed to be there about 2 hours before our flight. I had our passports and our travelers checks we had about 5 grand in checks. We had over $390.000 in our bank if needed. 

Cyndie and her husband and Grandma arrived at about 1500 hours (3:00pm).

It was the first time I had met grandma.

She was one of those ladies that was always happy she smiled all the time, I liked her she wasn't too happy at first about her granddaughter being married to a man that was only 15 years younger than herself.

I guess we grew on each other before we caught the light rail we were friends. 

When we arrived we checked our luggage.

And we each had a small carryon.

They also checked our passports mine and Candy's were blank same as Cynthia and her husband's.

Grandma's was almost full she had been to Antartica to Zanzabar.

She would need another one shortly even if she still had time left before this one expired. 

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Would you look at that. I read the last chapter before you posted three or four other new ones. Amazing what a little time off will do for you. 

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They called for boarding, we were some of the first ones called.

We were flying First Class after all.

For the four youngest Cyndie, her husband, Candy and myself, this was our first time flying First Class.

Grandma was a frequent flyer and had been bumped up to First Class several times.

After everybody was loaded I looked and there were only 3 other people in First Class besides our party.

There were another couple and another guy that were in with us in first class. 

The Captain got on and told us "There was a delay a plane getting ready to take off had gotten a flat on the Tarmac and was being towed to the hanger for a tire change. 

The door was opened again and the ramp move back into place.

There were several cops came in and surrounded the lone guy in first class.

He was arrested.

He almost got away seems he had killed his wife.

He was on his way to getting away with it.

He was going to England then getting a flight to another country that doesn't have extradition treaty with the US.

Seems that there was no plane with a flat tire. 

15 minutes later we were going down the runway and taking off only 30 minutes late.

I've decided one thing First Class was a lot more interesting than coach!

The flight was 10 hours, both Candy and I were diapered in case we fell asleep.

Soon after take off I saw Candy fall asleep.

I looked out the window at the lights from towns and cities on the ground.

About 2330 hours, (11:30pm) the Pilot came on and said "We had just flew out of the United States and was now over Canadian Air Space."

England sits higher than The United States on the globe.

That was the last time we heard from the cockpit until it was time to land he told us it was was 9 hours later in London and it was a balmy 66 degrees my watch said it was 0645 hours which meant in London it was almost 1500 hours (or 3pm GMT) our flight for Newcastle left at 1710 hours (5:10pm) in England they use a 24 hour clock.

For flights and trains.

We landed at London Hethrow.

I was surprised to see several men wearing turbans I have seen that before on TV. 

It seemed everywhere I looked I saw them.

We got our luggage and went through customs.

I looked over my shoulder there was a guy with an Uzi standing there.

I had no doubt if anybody tried something stupid he wouldnt hesitate to use it. 

We waited at the BA terminal.

Our flight was called and we got on a plane looking out this was a plane I hadn't seen in quite a while, it had propellers.

I didn't even know they made them still.

It was an 1 hour and 22 minute flight to Newcastle upon Tyne.

I had been up on the plane from Phoenix to London I hadn't slept.

I fell asleep on the prop job.

I heard the pilot saying "We were ready to start our decent into Newcastle."

We came through the clouds and almost instantly I heard the wheels touch down.

There was no First Class on this flight it was all coach. 

They got off and we actually went to the light rail.

Being from Phoenix we were kind of freezing it was 59 degrees when we left Phoenix it was 110 degrees that was a 51 degree drop.

The train came and we went into the toon as her grandmother called it.

As they went over the river Tyne there was a huge ship looked like a large cargo ship it those connexes those big shipping crates on the deck.

He didn't know if it was coming or going but he had never seen a river large enough to handle a ship that large before. 

Soon they were at their hotel.

It was only about 2000 hours or 8 pm we were jet lagged and fell asleep until tomorrow morning at about 0800 hours.

Some 12 hours from now.

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I have never liked those long flights like that and I have been on far to many. Back when I was younger I didn’t really have much trouble with jet lag. As I am getting older, I feel it much more. 

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I had to admit I had fun walking the river Tyne, there were all different kinds of bridges there were 2 railway bridges.

There was a bridge they called the Swing bridge.

The bridge pivoted in the middle and the ships going up or down the Tyne river went on either side of the bridge.

There was the Tyne bridge that's what the cars drove on from one side to the other but was stationary.

They had another bridge called the Millenium bridge it was a foot bridge it also had an arch.

I couldn't figure out how the ships got through it I was sitting there when a fairly large boat came along.

There were bells and the bridge started tipping it was eye shaped where the foot path and the arch started it raised and the ships went underneath it.

The Tyne bridge looks like the Sydney Harbor Bridge in Australia.

The same type of bridge they were sister bridges.

I think the one in Sydney is larger. 

I visited a pub while out I didn't feel like a beer that early so I ordered a Coke or a Pepsi.

I was told "I had to go to the Off License for that.

"I don't know what an off license is, hey I'm an American, okay?"

The lady took me to the back of the pub there was a little store type thing there that sold sodas candy bars drinks etcetera.

I bought my Coke and several candy bars and things they called Sweets they were candy to suck on.

One thing I did learn was American candy bars were crap.

The English Chocolate is so much sweeter.

Yeah I know it had more sugar.

The sweets were good I had one called a Rhubarb Custard was pretty good.

I also bought a candy bar called a Turkish Delight.

It was a Raspberry Jelly like the orange and raspberry sticks we have in America it's covered in chocolate with those sticks they are small little sticks.

This was a whole candy bar.

For some reason I didn't care for it as much.

It was lunch time and right next door was a fish and chips shop.

I didn't feel much like fish.

They had a sausage on the menu.

I ordered that.

I soon learned English Sausage was nothing like American Sausage.

This was closer to what we referred to a Bratwurst it was that size. Now I knew why it was over a £1 one pound.

Price wise, I was thinking a tiny little Sausage link.

I proved I was a tourist, I asked "Got catsup?" 

The guy stared at me like I had two heads.

"What's that?"

He asked?"

"You know catsup you put it on burgers and fries made of tomato, thick?"

"You mean Tomato Sauce?" He asked?

Tomato Sauce to me was a base you used for making spaggheti sauce.

He continued "We dont have that here try some salt and vinagar."

To me that sounded gross, but I tried it.

It was terrific, how did l ever manage with Catsup, er Tomato Sauce on my fries before.

Soon some kids came in one ordered "Chips and Curry." 

Another "Chips and Peas." 

One ordered "Budgeries."

"What the hell is a Budgeries I though?"

The kid with the Chips and Peas.

It looked gross, sorry.

The Curry and Chips looked good.

The Budgeries was the excess batter that comes off the fish and chips and other battered and fried foods.

I didn't know you could buy them.

I asked the kid about it and he told me he didn't have enough to buy the other things this was only 20p or pence, like our pennies.

I asked him how he would like to make 5 pounds.

He became my tour guide.

He told me what to buy that was good.

We ended up in Newcastle and went to a Mall called Eldon Square.

They had a Wedgwood store I bought a tea cup and saucer it cost me like 20 pounds.

Wedgwood is very fine China hand painted it's kind of like delft just on finer China.

We ended up underground and we caught the Metro that was the light rail we came in from the airport I payed my guide the 5 pounds, he called it 5 Quid.

I wish I had gotten to know that kid better he was one hell of a tour guide.

I got back to the place we were staying at.

Candy was surprised I had gone all the way into Newcastle.

She and her grandmother loved the Wedgewood tea cup and saucer. 

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Grandma was our guide today it didn't  cost me 5 Quid either.

We went to Felling and then we saw where grandmother lived Sunderland Road was houses and there were no breaks between then one long row of houses.

There were two doors together.

Grandmother told us one went up the other was the ground floor.

As we were there talking two young girls walked up and asked us if everything was okay.

These two girls were Americans.

We explained that grandma had grew up here.

We found out one of the girls was from Mesa, Arizona the other from Ogden, Utah.

When we talked we found out that they were missionaries from their church over here.

Candy was kind of surprised these girls were just verily like in their 20's both had to be under 25.

They introduced themselves as Sister Hagen and Sister Watford.

They gave us a tour of the place.

Grandmother was totally Surprised the wallpaper in the kitchen she remembered when her mother and father had put it up.

It was still there.

This had the biggest flowers I had ever seen on wallpaper they had to be 2 foot each!

In America they would of called it "Gaudy!"

I guess for England it was okay.

It was pretty cool for the girls to meet another Americans.

Especially from one of thems area, Mesa was on the East side of Phoenix, we lived on the West side of Phoenix.

We caught a taxi and we were taken to a place called Leam Lane. Grandmother introduced us to one of her brothers that lived here that would make him Candy and Cyndie's great uncle.

He was surprised he had a daughter he named Cynthia.

Grandma and her brother Harold talked their dialect got thicker, it sounded like a foreign language but it was still English.

I found out its called Geordie.

It's spoken by Tynesiders, they live on the side of the river Tyne like themselves that's why town gets called toon. Gateshead and Newcastle have had the English, Scots, Danes and Roman that have ruled them they combined it into a single language.

It's the worst dialect in England.

Even Cockney's can't understand us.

Her brother asked us "When we were gannen hyem?"

Grandmother translated, "Going home", translating it for us.

"We have a fortnight" Grandma said.

"I've heard of a Fortnight that's two weeks, Right?" I asked 

"Aye!" Harold said.  He invited us to  Tea on Sunday, Roast beef and Yokshire pudds!"

"Aye, grandmother said, I've not had Yorkshire Pudds in ages!" 

I showed my tourist side again, "What's a Yorksire Pudds?"

"Yorksire Pudding, but for you Yanks, it isn't a pudding your used to! Said grandmother!

They are actually made kind of like a popover! 

Like our cookies are called Biscuts.

For you a biscuit is like a roll.

Grandmother also said don't say you wear pants, that's female underwear, you wear trousers.

"Aye said Harold your language is daft as a brush!"

I wasnt sure but I think he just called the American way of talking stupid.

I so wanted to say something about their Geordie dialect. 

I was out numbered by about a million to one right now if not more.

I also didn't want to be that type of American that felt they were oh so superior to the rest of the world.

I kept my mouth shut! 

We got back to the hotel, Candy and I were alone we had sex for the first time since leaving America about 4 days ago.

We really enjoyed ourselves.

At dinner they had Roast Beef and Yorksire Puddings with Roasted Potatoes.

I ordered it just to see what it was all about.

I had to admit it wasn't bad.

For desert I had Trifle that was delicious it was a triple layered desert first level was jello with I was told Lady Fingers.

Then English  Custard, I've had Egg Custard and hated it, this was not Egg Custard.

This was sweet and creamer like a vanilla pudding.

That was covered with whipped cream.

Delicious! I think I gained 10 pounds as I felt, stuffed. Another word  I was told to avoid meant your pregnant!

I was somewhat tired after dinner as was Candy.

We diapered ourselves and fell asleep. 

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We awoke the next morning showered and we were out the door.

We did have a full English Breakfast, my only complaint was I could of used a cup of coffee instead of tea.

We were taken to the start of Hadrian's wall there was a museum that had artifacts, pictures depicting what life was like for the Roman Soldier's stationed here centuries ago.

Like I said I wanted to walk it.

I was told it's about a days and a half journey to Brampton and a day and a half back to Newcastle, walking.

There was a train that went there and followed the rout pretty closely it took 2 hours to get there as it stopped at every town along the way. We were in a place called Wallsend, it was basically the End of the Wall.

Gateshead was where the Head of the Goat was. Goatshead became Gateshead, don't ask me how.

found out Oxford was where the Oxen Forded the river or crossed the river at its shallow point.

We took the train to Carlisle , Grandmother had something to show us. We toured Carlise Castle, yes there was a castle there a real live one.

When they captured Mary Queen of Scots this was where she was held.

Even though Mary was in truth next in line for the throne, they didn't want a Scot on the throne.

They tried her and found her guilty of treason, she was taken to London for the trial and then beheaded to stop her lineage from assuming the throne.

No wonder they were at war with everybody from the Scots to the Catholics in Northern Ireland. 

I would never tell grandma that though!

We caught the train back and as we got into Gateshead we ran into the two girls that live in Grandmother's home on Sunderland Road.

This time we talked a little more about their religion.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was already a member.

If they knew the lifestyle I lived before marrying Candy they would probably kick me out!

I had lived with two girls one whom I raised as my daughter, only to find out she was from another man's, a man I considered a friend until he raped my wife.

Of course I didn't find this out until my wife became very ill with cancer.

The girl I thought was my daughter we had sex and I have children with her, during that time I also had sex with Candy and we had a son, then I had sex with Candy's sister Cynthia.

Candy had a friend that we shared that had recently died.

The church frowned upon sex out of matrimony since my wife had died I had been a regular horndog!

Candy seemed interested.

They thought I was Candy's father they were shocked When she set them straight that I was her husband.

Still they talked with her.

They looked at me with looks I was sure was they thought I robbed the cradle!

They were right I had, but I loved Candy and she loved me!

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The next day it was kind of raining, it wasnt falling like rain it was like the mist was hanging in the air and as you walked through it it stuck to you.

After a while you were soaked either way.

Weirdest thing I ever saw. 

We caught a taxi to Harolds place for what they called Tea, it was basically what we would call Dinner/ Supper.

For some reason I was starved the Roast Beef and Yorkshie Puddings hit the spot.

For desert I was expecting trifle, not tonight they had a berry cobbler that did have the English Custard that I liked on it.

We  got back to our hotel. 

Candy talked to me about the two girls that lived in Grandmother's old house.

They called themselves missionaries.

Candy and I never talked religion much.

That night we did. I had never told her what religion I was, I thought after her father shoving religion down her throat, then doing what he had done to her and her sister, that she was through with them.

I did tell her that I knew about their religion as I had been raised a member as a kid.

Even as a kid my parents weren't active, my grandparents were it was my mother that was raised religiously.

My dad went to church three times in his life as a baby he was baptized a Catholic, he married my mom in a church, when he died it was at the church where they held his funeral.

Somebody once told me that was called hatching, matching, and dispatching!

It fit.

My mom went to church occasionally I went with her, most times was when we visited her parents.

I think the last time I had been to church with my mom was for her mother's funeral I was 15, 16 something like that.

My mom had me baptized when I was 8 years old pretty much due to my grandmother talking her into it.

Like me, my mother was pretty much a free spirit.

My mother was the type that if somebody said something as a fact she liked to argue with you to try and change our point of view.

That's where I'm sure I got my debating skills, I think I would of made one heck of a lawyer, too bad we didn't have the money.

If you told my mother she had to do something she would resist you with the greatest amount of force.

Her teachers learned early ask her to do something don't tell her to do something, she wouldn't do it what you told her, if you asked her 99% of the time she was compliant.

I think her family forced her to church when she was younger.

That's why she never went after she grew up.

She was rebelling.

Talking with my mother she believed what they taught her, she just rebelled and now felt it was too late for her.

She smoked, drank, and I can't prove it but I'm sure she cheated on my dad, more than a couple of times, with other guys and woman.

Things that these Sister Missionaries will teach you to not do.

She listened and said she still would like to look into it.

I told her that if she did their would be no smoking, we didn't smoke. 

No drinking, we didnt drink much, Candy didnt like the taste of alcohol.

We didn't do drugs, they did random drug test at the school testing mostly for pot and cocaine.

We have been faithful to each other since Sandra's death, we knew about each other's sexual exploits, other than she didn't know about me and her sister.

Those things would go away if she chose the church.

She told me she loves me, that she wouldn't mind if it was just me.

If we never find another partner she would be fine.

She told me like your mom her dad had taught them the basis of religion it's just that her dad was a  hypocrite.

Said one thing did another.

Your mom admitted her faults, she knew she was a sinner, my dad won't admit anything.

She left a note on the door of the sisters saying she would like to know more.

They called the hotel and we arranged for a time to meet with them. 

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Wow and I thought I was catching up on stories. I was three chapters down with this one again. Well actually I did recall reading the first chapter but must have fallen asleep before posting again. They were good updates. I have always been told to never discuss politics or religion with friends because you won’t be friends for long if you do. So I will leave this one alone. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Our time in Newcastle and Gateshead was coming to an end.

In a short while I had came to love the people that I met here they were some great people.

We had less than a week left here.

I hit the candy store again and bought some more English candy, how could I ever eat American chocolate again after eating English chocolate?

Being somewhat of a chocoholic I'm sure I could. 

I was taking a lot back with me, I had about a week or if I rationed it maybe a months worth.

Right now I'm sure I could ration it to make it last.

I knew I was like a junkie it would only take one.

Then another and another until I'm near a diabetic coma and my whole stash is gone in 1 day.

I have very little will power when it came to chocolate.

I wonder if they have a Chocoholics Anonymous like AA, but a CA? Or are we doomed? 

I was glad Candy hadn't discovered English Candy like I had, in England they Have a weight called a stone which I was told is equivalent to 14 pounds when I got here I was about 170 pounds which is roughly 12 stone.

Since coming here I had gained about 1/2 a stone or 7 pounds.

What can I say I love food.

Ive never been a picky eater in my house growing up you ate what was served or you went hungry!

My parents told me "How can I not like something without trying it first?"

There are very few things I won't eat, radishes, and Egg Custard just to name few, liver, spinich I can take it or leave it, but I don't hate it, just not my favorite.

My wife Candy on the other hand, "I don't like it!" 

"Have you ever tried it?"

"No, and I'm not going to!"

She would of starved at my house!

Her sister is the same way.

I found a dish here, actually grandmother turned me on to it, Steak and Kidney Pie! I found it yummy!

Candy wouldn't even kiss me after I ate it.

Grandma did also turn us both on to Sausage Rolls, sausage in a puff pastry.

She also tried to get us hooked on Scottish Eggs.

This is a hardboiled egg inside like a sausage and wrapped with a dough.

It's cooked then served cold.

Maybe if it was warmed up I might of liked it more, Candy loved it, it just wasn't for me!

She ate mine as well.

I also learned the hard way, I got a roast beef sandwich and had them put mustard on it.

After I took one bite as my nose was running and my eyes watering, I discovered one bit of information, they use the Chinese mustard with horseradish!

Lesson learned!

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It was time to catch the Big Bird back over the "pond".

Our flight had a stop in Leeds, Yorkshire, England this go round.

It was about 100 miles south of Newcastle, Leeds was where grandmothers father was born.

He joked he emigrated to Newcastle.

Seems great grandfather was a coal miner and they paid just a little more in Newcastle.

Pennies really.

Her dad died of a coal miners compliant, Black Lung. Grandmother told us she can remember her dad having a harder time breathing out than in.

She saw him cough so hard that their was blood on his handkerchiefs.

Her dad went from this strappling man to this frail little man.

It ate him up from inside.

"My brother that you met in Newcastle.

He is starting to succomb to the same thing.

He will probably die like me Da' did in hospital not able to breath because his lungs are so full of coal dust.

It's a bad way to die!

If any of my kids wanted to work in the mines, I think I would of beat them until they changed their minds!

Your grandfather my husband, he was a Yank soldier in World War 2, he made cars in Detroit started out on the lines and moved his way up to management.

Then your mom met your dad, Candy. 

I always felt uncomfortable around your father, now I know why. The incestuant pedophile! They moved to the bible belt. 

Leeds, had about 4 or 5 people get on and we were back on our way to London Heathrow. About 1 hour 5 minutes later.

We landed in London.

2 hours later we were on our way back to Phoenix.

We arrived at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport at 5pm it felt like somebody had taken a baseball bat and hit me in the face with it.

It was 103° England had been in the high 60's you could feel the dry heat, it felt like the sun was sucking the moisture from your skin that we had absorbed in England.

Welcome home I thought, can we go back to England now?

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I feel the same way just going from Denver down here to east Texas. Denver is relatively cool but with dry air Texas is so humid I feel a slick on my skin just getting off the plane. 

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It took a couple of days but we acclimated back to the heat and dryness of Phoenix.

My mother in law dropped our son and daughter off.

You would of thought that we had been gone two months, not two week by the way they acted.

For little kids I remember time was slower.

Summer vacation seemed to last forever.

So did the night before Christmas morning.

I remember my parents telling us to get back to bed about every 15 minutes.

About two hours later or so it seemed to us kids.

Our parents would tell us to get back to bed it's only been 15 minutes since the last time.

As a kid that was the worst torture ever devised by parents, Christmas Eve!

I'm smiling now but as a kid it wasn't funny.

My parents used to go on a camping trip every year in October, just them, it was also during the deer hunt.

They were gone only two weeks.

At first we had a baby sitter.

Then the older siblings took care of us.

Then we were on our own, by that time that 2 weeks wasn't long enough.

But as a kid that 2 weeks was forever, as a kid before we started school we used to go with them.

After we started school we had to stay home.

After my siblings got older and we were all in school it was just my parents. 

Explained why my youngest sister is six years younger than my youngest brother and 14 years younger than my oldest sister.

The youngest was born about the middle of July, what a coincidence that its about 9 monts after my parents solo camping trip! For a kid 2 weeks can seem like 2 months.

As an adult I had one month that I swear lasted a week and a half. It just seemed we were starting it and BANG here it was the last of it I remember making the comment what happened to the month didn't we just start it about a week ago.

Everybody I talked to agreed with me, it had shot by.

It was the Sumner and Candy and I, well let's just say we spent a lot of time in bed doing what created my little sister.

It was no surprise when Candy made the announcement that she was pregnant again.

She was hoping it would be a little girl.

She asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl? I said, "Yeah!"

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I was the same way when I found out my wife was pregnant. I didn’t care what it was as long as it was healthy. I didn’t care to know if it was a boy or girl either. Except for my second one. I was heading to Kuwait and wasn’t sure what the future would be for me so I wanted to know if I would be leaving a girl or a boy. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

We went to the doctors who did confirm that Candy was indeed pregnant.

It was still to early to determine the sex of the baby.

We were happy I already had two children and this was #3 with her #6 over all for me! #4 was with my daughter who was actually through another man, whom I used call my friend.

I had raised Melissa as if she was mine. Always thought she was, turned out my best friend raped my wife while drunk. 

Brenda was smart in not telling me, she was right I would of killed him, at least castrated him! 

After Brenda's death, Melissa and I had a sexual affair for a while, she was the one that brought Candy in with us.

Candy was her roommate in college.

I might be old enough to be Candy's father but I love her.

I also love our children, and soon to be third child.

It would be born just before school let's out next school year.

Around April the first week in April. About almost two months before school let's out.

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Being an older father, I began to think I'm in my 60's almost.

I will be in my mid to late 70's by the time he or she graduates high school.

I'm mortal and will eventually kick the bucket.

Like Shakespeare said "Once were born we start to die!"

Which is so true.

Nobody knows how many years we have here on earth could be from mere seconds to minutes, to hours to days, weeks, months, years, decades, scores, almost or more a century.

I'm almost 3 score years old I'm in my 6th decade.

My older brother is in his 7th different decade he was born in the latter part of the 1950's 1958 to be exact, so he has lived in the 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, 2000's, 2010's, if he survives another couple of years that will be the 2020's and his 8th decade and he will still only be in his early 60's.

I will be in my 7th decade then myself.

Candy will be in her 4th decade and will just verily be in her 30's.

Thinking like this I began to wonder when I got so old? 

I decided that I will drive myself nuts thinking like this.

I started thinking more along the lines of what can I offer this child, what can I teach them that they can use in their life?

I lived for a while with my mom's parents.

Grandpa Joe was still cool in my eyes he was the one that was always teasing me or my brother he was a practical joker, He asked me once. 

"Did you hear about the Piecost they are building here in town?"

"No I sad, what's a Piecost?"

"About $3" he said.

It took me a while, to figure that joke out.

Forgive me I was about 9 years old at the time.

He got my brother with the old classic,.

"What are you eating under there?"

"Under where," my brother asked?

"Your eating your underwear?

Are you chewing the crap out of it?"

That was funny as my brother had no clue as to what toilet paper was for and had brown streaks in all of his tidy whities.

I guess what made grandpa Joe so cool was he was crude like a kid.

Bathroom humor, snot jokes appeal to a kid.

Well boys especially, not so much girls.

I've met a few girls, not many but a few that could put a few boys to shame, my own first wife Brenda could burp louder than any two men I knew including me.

I leaned early in our marriage I couldn't out burp her, not in a million years!

I gave her my man card early in our marrage as far as burping went, I had been bested.

We were eating out one time in a fairly fancy restaurant and Brenda cut loose a burp I'm sure registered on the Richter scale.

The lady at a table close to us accused me of being gross and unrefined.

When Brenda told the lady that it had been her that cut the noxious burp out, the ladies jaw dropped and it shut her up, she was speechless.

Just to prove it Brenda let go another, not nearly as loud as the first but still better than I could muster.

We paid our bill and as we were leaving the lady commented to her husband "I never!"

Brenda made me proud, she told the husband, "You should take your wife home and Fuck her really good since you never have!"

With that we left.

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The next morning I heard Candy get up and run to the bathroom, I heard her retching, dry heaves but still from my advantage point I saw her diaper began to grow and sag.

No wonder nothing was coming up her throat it was all being deposited into her already wet diaper.

I was thinking how lucky she was to have that diaper.

Otherwise we would need a mop to clean all that urine off the floor.

Since I was the one that got her into this situation.

As she was kneeling in front of the porcelain god I went and held her hair so it wasn't falling into the bowl.

After about 15 minutes the wave of nausea had passed I took her and laid her on the bed and I changed her out of her wet and bloated diaper into something completely dry.

She gave me a questioning look.

"Just in case," I said.

She nodded in agreement.

I took her and we just laid there in our bed.

She had her head on my chest and I was stroking her hair.

Candy said, "You know by the time this kid gets around to graduating high school and college you and I will be officially Old Farts!"

I reminded her, "Me more than you," as I giggled!

I was almost 55 when I met her I am now 59 I will be almost 80 when this kid gets his or her high school diploma.

Candy was 26 when I met her she was now 28 going on 29 years old she will be almost 50 when this kid graduates high school.

"The kid will be the class of 2037!" She said. 

"Holy crap! My brother was the class of 1977 that will be his 60th high school reunion.

Holy Crap! I realized I was doing it again getting myself back into an old age depression! 

Candy was feeling better, since we had one son and a daughter, and another child on the way.

I took her to the local dealership and we looked at "Oh my god minivans!"

I was so thankful that these weren't around when Brenda and I had got our kids, they were but I would of never been caught dead in one!

It was a real challenge for me even to say the word Minivan. It was like in Harry Potter, "He who must not be named!" Voldermort, Minivan both words to scare the crap out of You!

We at least bought a nice cherry red one, anything but that ugly grayish-blue color!

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LOL I have 4kids and couldn’t ever consider a minivan. I paid a bit more to get the crew cab on my truck. Now I can’t go without the crew cab. In fact I just ordered And got a 2018 F-250 Lariat with everything on it. Cost a Lot! $73,000 when I was done adding everything to it but I have given to my kids since they were born and I thought this is finally something I am doing for me. 

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