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913 Day Unpotty Training Update


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This week I have been having thoughts of giving up again.  I went to my first doctor's visit in diapers because I got a case of ringworm on my hip where my diapers fasten.  My skin has also been breaking down around my tnighs as well which is the first time I have noticed this.  Normally I only suffer from the occasional acute flare up of diaper rash.  

My progress really is the same and I feel as if I have reached the point of no progress towards my untraining.

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This goes slowly and often has "plateaus" we get on where it seems we're going nowhere but if you keep going you'll soon find visible progress again B) It is wise to be certain that this us what you really want but I thing we all have points of hesitancy along the way where we re-think our goals. That's a good thing as once you pass them, they reinforce you for the next time it happens ;)

On the rash-type problems one thing that can help is not wearing the same type of diapers all the time. Switch around to others that fit differently so that the skin isn't constantly being irritated in the same places. If I didn't do this even my tough skin would not like it at all :whistling:

Bettypooh

 

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3 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

This goes slowly and often has "plateaus" we get on where it seems we're going nowhere but if you keep going you'll soon find visible progress again B) It is wise to be certain that this us what you really want but I thing we all have points of hesitancy along the way where we re-think our goals. That's a good thing as once you pass them, they reinforce you for the next time it happens ;)

On the rash-type problems one thing that can help is not wearing the same type of diapers all the time. Switch around to others that fit differently so that the skin isn't constantly being irritated in the same places. If I didn't do this even my tough skin would not like it at all :whistling:

Bettypooh

 

Thanks for the advice.  My rashes are almost completely healed.  For so long I have felt so committed to becoming unpotty trained and now I am in one of those lulls where I am re-evaluating everything.  I think both mentally and physically it would be difficult to stop wearing diapers at this point but there has been a slight doubt.  I think part of it is my relationship with my six year old son has recently flourished in large part because of probably being happier due to wearing diapers fulltime.  However, part of me is saying a father should not be diapered.  IDK, it all can be so confusing at times even for an experienced diaper wearer.

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On 2/26/2018 at 5:01 AM, MarkSmith said:

This week I have been having thoughts of giving up again.  I went to my first doctor's visit in diapers because I got a case of ringworm on my hip where my diapers fasten.  My skin has also been breaking down around my tnighs as well which is the first time I have noticed this.  Normally I only suffer from the occasional acute flare up of diaper rash.  

My progress really is the same and I feel as if I have reached the point of no progress towards my untraining.

I'm all too familiar with that fungal rash on the hip.  I keep some clotrimazole ointment (non-prescription) on hand.  If it catch it early, it is gone in a day.

As for the thighs, for me, it is often two things.  First, I need to be less obsessive about fastening the bottom tapes so tight.  It feels good, but doesn't really prevent leaks.  Second, if I move the tape up slightly, a wider band of material will be pulled tight, rather than fastening right on the edge where it will cut into my thigh.  Of course, as Bettypooh says, switching diaper styles often helps too.

-boogles

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Consider the medically incontinent fathers out there- are they any less good at that simply because they wear diapers? Of course not :P And if your increased happiness is having a positive effect here that should tell you something too ;) It is good and wise that you are thinking about these things at this point where there is still a chance of changing your course :thumbsup: Just know that with every serious decision you will make in life there will always be some doubt, and this is normal. Without that doubt we'd rush headlong into things and find ourself in trouble more often than not :o Use that doubt in a positive way- once you've thought your decision through and moved toward your goals cast the doubt aside and know that you've made a good decision because you once had doubt. Don't let it keep pestering you and keep dragging you down B) 

Something my Therapist taught me is that I'm no good for anyone else if I'm not good for me. I need to be OK first, then I can do good for other people like I want to :D If I'm not good then I really will not have any good to give, or at least not as much good to give as I'm capable of giving :( You can't do your best unless you are at your best, and if it takes being incontinent to make you your best then that is the path you need to be taking. It's not the best path for everyone but it is for some of us

I still have doubts that I want my own level of incontinence to increase- things are great for me right now without the bedwetting I originally thought I wanted. My own approach is simple acceptance of whatever happens being what is good for me :rolleyes: I'm not going to fight anything because it was that fight to stay dry which was causing my problems. I'm happier now that I'm not fighting anything, and since I'm always diapered then nothing can hurt me anymore :girl_happy:Maybe you should consider a similar approach and just  let your heart and subconscious mind take you wherever it is that you need to go as you simply ride along. It works for me! :biker_h4h:

Bettypooh

 

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At 23 weeks now and really not so much new.  I have noticed that I seem to be releasing my pee pee into my diaper more frequently than before and in smaller amounts.  I feel pee pee moving down my urethra once again when seated sometimes as if I am dripping uncontrollably on occasions.  I also was very close to having an uncontrolled bowel accident this week which I know my wife will not be happy about.  She is not a fan of me becoming bowel incontinent.  I have been following Bettypoohs advice and just not caring about peeing so much...I allow it to happen when ot happens and then try and relax my sphincter as much as possible after is does. 

I have changed my diaper layering technique.  Before it was my diaper, protective briefs, fitting pants, and onesie.  I noticed I was sometimes getting small leaks at the end of a long day as my fitting pants and sometimes my onesie would be slightly wet around the leg openings.  I decided since my fixing pants get wet anyway that I would wear them over top my diaper with the protective briefs over them.  This keeps my diaper much more tighter agsinst my skin when it is full and starts to try and sag.  The change was worked good and it seems to have mitigated my leak issues.

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I have experienced some interesting changes these last few weeks from a mental perspective concerning my unpotty training commitment.  For the longest time I have had this unwavering and determined commitment to wear my pink Rearz Princess diapers all the time.  I hated the thought of having to not wear the diapers that made me feel happy both inside and out and I tried to really pretend that the thought of being caught in a pink diaper did not bother me.  The reality of it was it really did.  

I think over time from wearing diapers permanently the need to be in a babyish pink diaper has really started to wear off as I have become more desensitized so to speak.  I feel I have reached a greater level of diaper maturity.  My diapers are now becoming much less pink and more plain white and I am truly beginning to be happy with that.  In fact, ABU Simples, with their baby fresh scent, has become down right intoxicating for me and you certainly can never go wrong with a Rearz Inspire +Incontrol diaper.  I also am enjoying my plain white Gary Activewear Briefs a lot more although they all are stained pink thanks to the constant wear of Rearz Princess diapers. 

I find when wearing all white diapers there is really not a constant worry about being in diapers at all.  I now have no issues changing in any public restrooom and walk right out with my used diaper in my hand and dispose of it in the trash with no worries.  I also have found it very easy to simply walk into the bathroom with a spare all white diaper in my hand.  Most people do not even notice it as I am never waiving it around for the world to see and the same is true with my used diaper.  Even if someone noticed my diaper it would not be labeled as some freak who wears a pink princess diaper.  Diapers are what make me happy and it does not matter there color.

I also find it more reassuring at home.  My children do not know about my diapers but should the worst case scenario ever occur a plain all white diaper is much more explainable than why does Daddy wear pink diapers.  I will always own and wear pink diapers just as I will always wear my pretty baby dresses from time to time.  I can reserve them for special alone time or when I am alone with my wife as opposed to all the time.  It also is a lot less stressful at work.  All white diapers can be explained but a pink diaper not so much.

On a physical note I coughed the other day heading to the shower in the hotel and I experienced my most visual proof of becoming stress incontinent to this point (see picture).  I have taken Bettpooh's advice and do not worry about wetting my diaper anymore.  When I feel the need I fill my diaper and there is almost no stopping it.

 

20180320_225339_600x800.jpg

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I’ve noticed the twinges in my bladder becoming worse, they are hard to describe much like a sinking feeling. I’m continuing keeping my sphincter completely relaxed and I’m peeing in small dribbles and gushes. I hardly ever leak.

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I have experienced some interesting changes these last few weeks from a mental perspective concerning my unpotty training commitment.  For the longest time I have had this unwavering and determined commitment to wear my pink Rearz Princess diapers all the time.  I hated the thought of having to not wear the diapers that made me feel happy both inside and out and I tried to really pretend that the thought of being caught in a pink diaper did not bother me.  The reality of it was it really did.  

I think over time from wearing diapers permanently the need to be in a babyish pink diaper has really started to wear off as I have become more desensitized so to speak.  I feel I have reached a greater level of diaper maturity.  My diapers are now becoming much less pink and more plain white and I am truly beginning to be happy with that.  In fact, ABU Simples, with their baby fresh scent, has become down right intoxicating for me and you certainly can never go wrong with a Rearz Inspire +Incontrol diaper.  I also am enjoying my plain white Gary Activewear Briefs a lot more although they all are stained pink thanks to the constant wear of Rearz Princess diapers. 

I find when wearing all white diapers there is really not a constant worry about being in diapers at all.  I now have no issues changing in any public restrooom and walk right out with my used diaper in my hand and dispose of it in the trash with no worries.  I also have found it very easy to simply walk into the bathroom with a spare all white diaper in my hand.  Most people do not even notice it as I am never waiving it around for the world to see and the same is true with my used diaper.  Even if someone noticed my diaper it would not be labeled as some freak who wears a pink princess diaper.  Diapers are what make me happy and it does not matter there color.

I also find it more reassuring at home.  My children do not know about my diapers but should the worst case scenario ever occur a plain all white diaper is much more explainable than why does Daddy wear pink diapers.  I will always own and wear pink diapers just as I will always wear my pretty baby dresses from time to time.  I can reserve them for special alone time or when I am alone with my wife as opposed to all the time.  It also is a lot less stressful at work.  All white diapers can be explained but a pink diaper not so much.

On a physical note I coughed the other day heading to the shower in the hotel and I experienced my most visual proof of becoming stress incontinent to this point (see picture).  I have taken Bettpooh's advice and do not worry about wetting my diaper anymore.  When I feel the need I fill my diaper and there is almost no stopping it.

 

20180320_225339_600x800.jpg

I drip and dribble all the time and this happens to me often

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It has been awhile since my last update and I still remain in diapers permanently. Some changes have occurred mentally during this time that have been significant. For some reason my desire to wear a pink diaper constantly has almost completely diminished. I remain a full-time sissy but I have found wearing an ABU Simple or a Rearz Inspire + In-control a lot less stressful.  At the end of the day a plain white diaper is just so much easier to understand and explain particularly in my work environment and when changing my diaper in public.  The fear of someone seeing my pink Princess pampers is mitigated.  I still love my pink diapers but I wear them now during a time that is more suitable for discretion.  As much as I want to world to know I am a sissy it just does not feel practical and induces too much stress.

I have no fear or worries changing diapers in public anymore.  I will walk into and out of a stall with a diaper in my hand with no hesitation regardless if the restroom is full or not.  Before with pink diapers sometimes I was embarrassed and other times I did not care.

The one exception with this is at work. I remain adamant about keeping the fact that I wear diapers permanently separated from my workplace. I also have figured out another way to alleviate another stress I felt when I am working long hours around fellow coworkers and I am not afforded the opportunity to change my diaper. Since I have not lost complete control of my bladder if I feel the need to go pee pee and I know I'm in an environment where I can't change regularly then I pull my diaper down and use the potty particularly if I am going to flood my diaper. I know this is probably counterproductive to unpotty training myself but it works well keeping the fact that I wear diapers hidden from fellow coworkers. Should I sneeze, cough, laugh, or leak my diaper is still there to keep my pants from getting wet. I find myself in the situation very rarely so I do not feel I I'm taking a major step backwards by doing this. Of course my diaper is still always wet by the end of the day anyway. Eventually I may be at a point where I cannot control this and if that day comes I will address it then. The big thing for me is that I'm always in a diaper and that is what really matters.

Really what I've learned the most these past few weeks is how to reduce what stressed me out about wearing diapers permanently and honestly took a much more realistic approach to my day-to-day life being diapered.

Physically not so much has changed. I still have post void leaking without control, experience stress incontinence, and leak involuntarily from time to time. I have yet to make any progress in wetting uncontrollably in my sleep.

My wife has almost completely stopped participating in the lifestyle and very rarely changes my diapers now.  I think my diapers have just become routine and a part of day to day life.  I do miss my Mommy though that is for sure.

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4 hours ago, jeremy12312 said:

You know your wife better than any of us, but a change in attitude like that can be a warning sign. Check in with her to make sure she’s still okay, and don’t let the focus on your goals cloud your better judgement. 

A warning sign from what?  She knows I cannot stop wearing diapers and she is clear that she likes me better in them permenently as I am a happier being.  She is also a very honest and straightforward person so if she suddenly had an issue with me wearing diapers fulltime she would not hesitate to let me know.  I think diapering me has simply grown old and routine for her and it is less work for her if I change myself.  

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I have now been in diapers permanently for over eight months.  I feel I am progressing nicely to full diaper dependancy.  

Recently I have suspected that I have been wetting uncontrollably in my sleep.  To test my suspicions for the last two nights I have sleep naked on top of a bed pad.  By midnight both nights I have awoken and the bed pad has been wet.  In both instances the pad was not saturated with pee pee, it simply had a growing wet spot on it which I could feel with my hand always in the location of where my wee wee was when I woke up.  Since the amount of wetness is light I can only ascertain that I have been leaking at night uncontrollably but not fully wetting.  Both evenings I put my diaper back on after my pee pee experiment.

This is a major development for me as I have NEVER wet the bed as far as I can remember in my life.

As far as daytime, I am wetting much more frequently and at lesser volume.  My diapers seem to be lasting longer despite drinking more water as it is warm where I am working.  

A few weeks ago I slipped up and left a used diaper in the bathroom closet.  As far as we can tell the kids did not notice it but my wife was highly upset with me.  I have been wearing all white diapers almost exclusively now but of course this was the one time I decided to wear a pink Rearz Princess diaper.

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15 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

I have now been in diapers permanently for over eight months.  I feel I am progressing nicely to full diaper dependancy.  

Recently I have suspected that I have been wetting uncontrollably in my sleep.  To test my suspicions for the last two nights I have sleep naked on top of a bed pad.  By midnight both nights I have awoken and the bed pad has been wet.  In both instances the pad was not saturated with pee pee, it simply had a growing wet spot on it which I could feel with my hand always in the location of where my wee wee was when I woke up.  Since the amount of wetness is light I can only ascertain that I have been leaking at night uncontrollably but not fully wetting.  Both evenings I put my diaper back on after my pee pee experiment.

This is a major development for me as I have NEVER wet the bed as far as I can remember in my life.

As far as daytime, I am wetting much more frequently and at lesser volume.  My diapers seem to be lasting longer despite drinking more water as it is warm where I am working.  

A few weeks ago I slipped up and left a used diaper in the bathroom closet.  As far as we can tell the kids did not notice it but my wife was highly upset with me.  I have been wearing all white diapers almost exclusively now but of course this was the one time I decided to wear a pink Rearz Princess diaper.

Oh dear. Care needed not to upset the good lady.

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I'm at a stage now Mark, just within the last few days actually, where I'm feeling almost constant urges, and almost constant tiny releases.  If I stand up, I'll wet.  

Two nights ago, I woke up to what I thought was the end of a wet.

Then that afternoon(Sunday), I had a sleep, had just changed my nappy, and about 3 hours later woke up to a wet butt.  I had to change about three hours later as I'd soaked that nappy.

Then last night, I was being woken up to these tiny releases all night.  They're not squirts, just the odd drop or two, but fairly constant.  I would wake up to a fair bit of pain then too. 

Today, all day, I've been getting the same tiny little releases, at work into my nappy, and now sitting in front of the computer typing this out, same thing. 

Conversely, I'm finding that my wetting in bed is getting harder and harder.  Same with wetting whilst lying on the lounge.  And I directly attribute this to my weak bladder and/or strictures.  It's getting to the stage where the bladder really can't start evacuating without gravity support.  Lying down, i'm finding it hard to start a wee now.  I have to relax more and more and more.

I'm really excited for these developments though.  Only last week was I lamenting not having gone anywhere continence-wise.  Fast-forward, and bam I've crossed another bridge without even thinking of it.  Have I crossed the line yet?  I don't know.

Yes, I have a medical problem causing my IC, but I've come to actually enjoy this experience, see nappies and the sensations and lack of control as part of me.  i'd be really disappointed in myself if I had to "go back".

Keep up the reports, I enjoy reading yours.

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1 hour ago, ozziebee said:

I'm at a stage now Mark, just within the last few days actually, where I'm feeling almost constant urges, and almost constant tiny releases.  If I stand up, I'll wet.  

Two nights ago, I woke up to what I thought was the end of a wet.

Then that afternoon(Sunday), I had a sleep, had just changed my nappy, and about 3 hours later woke up to a wet butt.  I had to change about three hours later as I'd soaked that nappy.

Then last night, I was being woken up to these tiny releases all night.  They're not squirts, just the odd drop or two, but fairly constant.  I would wake up to a fair bit of pain then too. 

Today, all day, I've been getting the same tiny little releases, at work into my nappy, and now sitting in front of the computer typing this out, same thing. 

Conversely, I'm finding that my wetting in bed is getting harder and harder.  Same with wetting whilst lying on the lounge.  And I directly attribute this to my weak bladder and/or strictures.  It's getting to the stage where the bladder really can't start evacuating without gravity support.  Lying down, i'm finding it hard to start a wee now.  I have to relax more and more and more.

I'm really excited for these developments though.  Only last week was I lamenting not having gone anywhere continence-wise.  Fast-forward, and bam I've crossed another bridge without even thinking of it.  Have I crossed the line yet?  I don't know.

Yes, I have a medical problem causing my IC, but I've come to actually enjoy this experience, see nappies and the sensations and lack of control as part of me.  i'd be really disappointed in myself if I had to "go back".

Keep up the reports, I enjoy reading yours.

Same here nappies are just part of me now. I couldn't imagine life without being dependant on nappies now.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So today I told my project coordinator at my job that I wear diapers and proved a few things.  She is from the medical field and is extremely observant but she had never noticed I wear diapers.  To me that confirms that despite wearing thick overnight diapers to work my method of making them discreet has worked.

Also, she was so understanding which I knew she would be.  She is an awesome friend and we talked about the logistics and challenges I have dealt with since wearing diapers permanently.  We both agreed that I should continue keeping ist a secret for now is the best thing at work.  At least I now know that the person who schedules me for jobs now knows and we can plan together to make it as easy as possible in regards to wearing diapers.

This all came about last night when I was at the bar and my diaper started leaking in front of some co-workers.  I quickly excused myself and went to my room without anyone knowing but it bothered me.  Why do I just not tell my co-workers.  Life would be so much simplier instead of hiding everything.  I almost sat all them down together and explained it to them today at lunch but instead told my coordinator first.  It was a great decision I feel.

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 My Boss also knows I need to wear diapers 24/7 it does make it easier to deal with when we are out of town working at a job site but most people I work with do not have a clue I need to wear or at least they have not mentioned they have noticed.

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@MarkSmith

I'm so very glad you could get this worked out. I'm sure you're quite relieved over that :D It's my workplace wearing which somewhat bothers me still. I'd like to gain similar relief but with what I do there are too many people well past my controllability who could cause me problems there, and the list constantly changes. I'm sure my crew would be OK, but the people and outfits we work for might not be, and then there's the customers themselves. I don't have any legal protections being a contractor and not an employee, and they need no reason to let me go if they want to. I can't chance it happening :(

I would like to know how you explained it. My plan is to simply say "I need them" and use my well-known back problems as being the cause without adding that I like living in dipaers and would be wearing anyway. I don't think they need to know that much about me :P

Bettypooh

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4 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

@MarkSmith

I'm so very glad you could get this worked out. I'm sure you're quite relieved over that :D It's my workplace wearing which somewhat bothers me still. I'd like to gain similar relief but with what I do there are too many people well past my controllability who could cause me problems there, and the list constantly changes. I'm sure my crew would be OK, but the people and outfits we work for might not be, and then there's the customers themselves. I don't have any legal protections being a contractor and not an employee, and they need no reason to let me go if they want to. I can't chance it happening :(

I would like to know how you explained it. My plan is to simply say "I need them" and use my well-known back problems as being the cause without adding that I like living in dipaers and would be wearing anyway. I don't think they need to know that much about me :P

Bettypooh

My Project Coordinator is someone I am close to on a personal level.  We have shared our life stories and have been suppostive of one another when our significant others have had medical issues.  She knows my stepmother severely mentally abused me as a child.  I have known that she would be understanding and supportive for a long time but it still is a very vulnerable situation to put yourself in.

I simply told her I have bladder control issues and at this point in time I have lost a significant amount of my continence.  I explained eight months ago I decided to wear diapers permanently and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I also was honest and said their is some deeply rooted psychological aspects involved undoubtedly from being abused as a child.

I want to be honest and straight forward but obviously some things are meant to be private.  No one needs to know I am also a diaper lover or like to wear pink diapers.  

I have always had an overactive bladder.  That is real.  The anxiety OAB can cause can be down right exhausting.  The relief of not having to run the potty marathon all day long is in my opinion a great reason by itself to put a diaper on and leave it on.

As far as my continence level now wearing diapers permanently has without a doubt degraded it.  Urge incontinence for me now is very real and when I have to go it is NOW.  Bending down to pickup a tool or laughing uncontrollably is resulting in more and more uncontrolled dribbles.  I am also starting to show the very beginning signs of wetting without control while sleeping.  The question is am I honest when I tell a close friend who happens to be my Project Coordinator that I am incontinent? 

We also talked about logistics.  I told her I pack an extra suitcase with a minimum of 40 diapers when going on a long service job.  I explained to her that I order more diapers and have them shipped to my hotel if needed.  I even went as far to say I have been standing in front of a TSA agent in a private screening room with my pants pulled down having my diaper inspected.  I talked to her about untimely diaper leaks around other employees and we talked about how it is hard for me to change my diaper when with a coworker.  It was a long and very detailed conversation.

Talk about an elephant being lifted off of my chest.  It was the right decision without a doubt.  She is the one that sets my schedule as well as makes special arrangements if we require them.  She now understands WHY I am so stressed out if the airline loses my bag or if I have to stay longer somewhere unexpectedly.

Message From My Project Coordinator...

"Like we both know it is what it is and you have done the best you can with the mean that you have. What's important is that you are happy, healthy and comfortable in your own skin. If you are the rest will work its self out."

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Thank you for the details :D And yes, you are being honest about being incontinent. My own back-story is similar in the physical parts, and emotionally as well I guess. I see nothing wrong with omitting certain details as not being necessarily relevant. I do see being dishonest as wrong- that is an emotional strain I cannot bear to live with personally though I know many whose morals aren't bothered by that :huh: My current need to keep this hidden is a burden I wish I could rid myself of. It's one of my main worries in life right now. I can bear with it- I just wish it wasn't this way.

Bettypooh

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Hi Mark

You are being honest when you tell people you are incontinent you have lost a lot of control and continue to do so I have also noticed my bladder issue growing worse as time goes by and my dry time in a fresh diaper is no longer mesured by hours but in minutes in most of the time. Letting people that need to know about your incontinence issue reduces a lot of stress  by you no longer having to hide the fact you need diapers to manage a bladder issue.

 

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25 minutes ago, Rob110 said:

Hi Mark

You are being honest when you tell people you are incontinent you have lost a lot of control and continue to do so I have also noticed my bladder issue growing worse as time goes by and my dry time in a fresh diaper is no longer mesured by hours but in minutes in most of the time. Letting people that need to know about your incontinence issue reduces a lot of stress  by you no longer having to hide the fact you need diapers to manage a bladder issue.

 

My dry time in a clean nappy is never very long. I am wet most of the time.

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