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Informing employer about incontinence.


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I don't think I've seen this asked. Has anyone felt the need to tell employers, HR dept, or manager that they are incontinent and/or wear diapers as a management solution? If so,  how has it impacted things? Thoughts, comments?

I have not and I don't think anyone at work is aware of my condition.

I don't think its anything that requires a "reasonable accommodation."

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Nope.    At one job I was lucky, my office was the only one in the building with a private bathroom.   Oddly enough looking at the building plans, it appears the room was designed for the head janitor.

If I had a job where I had limited time to go change, I might ask for an accommodation to allow for such, but that's never been an issue for me.

Not sure what other accommodation I would have needed.

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Yes, back in 1990 I had to inform my employer of my incontence and it was the reason I was wearing a diaper, had to go get medical prof, not an enjoyable thing to go through. 5 years later they wanted medical prof again so I saw the same doctor, did not need to go through all the testing that time.

Once they received the medical diagnosis all was good and none of my coworkers ever said a thing to me other than "it looks as your leaking" or " wet spot" as a way to let me know I had leaked and did not know it. 

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1 hour ago, username said:

Can I ask what was the quoality of incontience products like in 1990 and how do they compare to now?

Compared to the diapers on the market now, the few available adult diapers where useless unless you doubled diapered or used a baby diaper as a soaker. 

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It is illegal for an employeer (in Ireland and EU) under disability act to ask and/or discriminate in any form any medical grounds. Most employers request (for insurance purposes) an employee to attend a Doctor to prove that they are 'fit' for the job they are doing. The Doctor may / may not know of your medical issue but cannot inform your employer unless same would disable you from doing your job. Even if your nedical condition prevents you doing the job, all the doctor can inform your employeer is Yes... you are fit.. or No... you are not fit. It is a invasion of privacy and s breach of Dr - paitent confidentiality if the Dr tells the reason.

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A couple of things I can think of regarding informing employer is:

* if one feels they do not have a reasonable location to change, in order to maintain required dress standards and cleanliness for work.  They may need to do an assessment of locations, bathrooms, first-aid rooms etc.

* If one feels they would be overly uncomfortable / embarrassed / distressed at the lack of privacy when changing in a designated area, or when disposing of byproducts.  For instance, I may need to go to my HR and build a case for changing the clear plastic bin liners the cleaners are currently using to black plastic liners, and put a lid on the bin in the disabled toilet.  There is absolutely no way I'd be putting my used nappies in those bins, as they're never full (they're huge bins), and a nappy in a nappy bag is really conspicuous to anyone looking into the bin.

* If it looks like a change of work role, desk, or location would be required.

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Before I was hired by my law firm at age 14 as an after school clerk typist I had been in a tutoring program of that law firm. I was 9 when the tutoring started. At that time my Mom told my tutor about my over-active bladder. When I reverted to bedwetting at 12 I told my tutor. She was promoted to partner before I was hired. I made sure HR knew.

During my pre-law and law school years I worked part time for another office of my firm. Once I finished a clerkship and had passed my bar exams I joined my firm as an associate attorney. I told HR that by then I was totally urinary incontinent. That did not worry HR.

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I've told HR at every job I've worked, it makes life easier that someone is aware, to be fair I've worked with some excellent HR staff and some very poor HR staff but everything I've told HR has been kept between us as professional people. I find it makes life a little easier knowing that HR know about it, in the end I've had no issues at work because of this and if I ever did then I know HR has been informed so again it just adds to peace of mind. However I don't know how other countries work in this regard, but here in the UK it's mainly ignored until it becomes relevant.

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I am not incontinent and have never worn a diaper to work, but I can see some advantages to telling a boss or HR manager.  I do not advocate telling people you wear diapers.  Generally I see no need to do so.  Either people will never notice (so you don't need to tell them), or they will notice and know anyway or ask you because they noticed.

Reasons it could be a good idea to notify your HR manager could be to head off problems in advance.  Should someone at work find out and start to harrass you about it, your complaint to the HR department would go easier because they already are aware of your situation and can put an end to the offender (threaten his job, fire him or inform him he is breaking the law for people with disabilities and explain it will not be tolerated).  If you need special doctor appointments or occasional time off based on your incontinence, they will be aware of it and it wouldn't be like suddenly hitting them with the revelation of your incontinence once something happens.  Same may apply if you have company medical insurance and the insurance company may need information or has questions pertaining to your incontinence to pay off on a claim, especially if insurance covers part of your supplies.

For your immediate boss, the fact that he knows would hopefully help if you needed to leave in the middle of your job (not your schedualed break time) to do a change in the restroom to prevent leaks, or if you have a bad accident and may need to go home to change into clean clothing.  Same applies if you have a leak and need to change into fresh pants that you may keep at work.  He might also intercede if someone else starts to spread the word around work that you wear diapers or who complains to him that you go to the restroom more than others, seem to have extra breaks, etc.

Otherwise, I am one who says "Keep it to yourself" and only those who really may need to know for a reason should be quietly told and to keep it to themselves only.

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Several years before I retired, the government began a program of rewarding employers that employed disabled people; and my employer didn’t have as many disabled employees as the government thought was appropriate for an organization of our size. So I told my boss about my incontinence. However, it turned out that they couldn’t count me as being disabled because my disability wasn’t visible enough. I kid you not!

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5 hours ago, adhb said:

Several years before I retired, the government began a program of rewarding employers that employed disabled people; and my employer didn’t have as many disabled employees as the government thought was appropriate for an organization of our size. So I told my boss about my incontinence. However, it turned out that they couldn’t count me as being disabled because my disability wasn’t visible enough. I kid you not!

I know all about the invisible disability, as my employers (currently 3 jobs) seem to forget that I have only one eye and limited periffial vision and no depth perseption, on top of being half deaf. 

If they can't see your disability they forget it, but those who's disability is easy to see, they get all the help and considerations needed to perform the job. 

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over the last couple of years i have struggled with wetting and messing issues. my problems pretty much played out in front of my employer and I gradually started wearing protection as needed. I am a diabetic and I struggle with urge issues and back when I was taking metformin, I had a major issue with controlling my bowels.. metformin is a well known drug for people having this type of issue. I got about a 5 minute warning and if I didn't run to the bathroom, it was running down my legs.. (yes I know TMI!!!) I am no longer on metformin thank god. I am however on insulin and invokana. invokana is known for causing urge issues.. So I am in full time diapers for the most part. If I leave the house or go to sleep I am diapered. I sat my boss down and had a conversation with them both. They both said given my situation they fully understand my need to wear diapers.  I am a contractor , so you can imagine it cause a lot of ball busting at work at first. Now it is hardly ever mentioned. I find that wearing diapers is far far easier then poop in your shoes. lol Or wetting yourself in front of a customer. Just about everyone in my life that matter, knows about me and my diapers. It is way easier when you just own it. and don't try to hide it. So what, everyone knows i wear diapers. last week I was at an apartment building and i was talking to a lady that live there. She and I got to talking about diabetes and she said it was causing her a lot of embarrassing issues, so I told her about my situation. She ask how I dealt with it and i told her very frankly."I just wear diapers"  She said she was thinking about doing the same, so I told her its really no big deal. It's real just a different type of underwear. I could see she was giving me a full check out and she asked are you wearing one right now. I told her I was and she said.. if I hadn't said anything she never would have known. So I told her that's my point, no one seems to care and in our case. No one is going to make leap from "oh , you wear diapers?? to oh, you must be one of those adult babies I heard about on jerry springer". Just wear you diapers.. own it and be proud...

:baby-waving-bye-bye-smiley-emoticon:

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my employer found out one day after he noticed a bit of my nappy sticking out of the back of my trousers. Now this isn't for everyone as i have known my employer for many years and I'm a good friend of him. He asked me to move some stuff with him over in another part of the depot where there was nobody else and told me that he had seen what i was wearing. I came clean and said that the time i was off work sick I was actually in hospital having a cyst removed which had left me incontinent and that it is something I now have to deal with by wearing nappys. His response to this was to increase my weekly wage to help me out with provisions which is very nice of him. 

He had asked me if there was any adjustments that i needed? i told him that the only adjustment that i need is somewhere to change when im out in the van. At that time i was driving a small transit van which was usually packed to the roof, i usually had to carry a bag with me into service stations and get changed in the toilets, within about ten days i was asked if i would like to drive the sprinter vans which were a lot bigger and gave me the chance to get changed in the back if i needed to.

I couldn't have asked for any more from my boss. A great boss and a good mate.

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On 1/5/2018 at 12:15 PM, wearer24/7 said:

my employer found out one day after he noticed a bit of my nappy sticking out of the back of my trousers. Now this isn't for everyone as i have known my employer for many years and I'm a good friend of him. He asked me to move some stuff with him over in another part of the depot where there was nobody else and told me that he had seen what i was wearing. I came clean and said that the time i was off work sick I was actually in hospital having a cyst removed which had left me incontinent and that it is something I now have to deal with by wearing nappys. His response to this was to increase my weekly wage to help me out with provisions which is very nice of him. 

He had asked me if there was any adjustments that i needed? i told him that the only adjustment that i need is somewhere to change when im out in the van. At that time i was driving a small transit van which was usually packed to the roof, i usually had to carry a bag with me into service stations and get changed in the toilets, within about ten days i was asked if i would like to drive the sprinter vans which were a lot bigger and gave me the chance to get changed in the back if i needed to.

I couldn't have asked for any more from my boss. A great boss and a good mate.

Wish all employers / bosses where so understanding, as I had one boss who figured that as long as I was now wearing a diaper I no longer needed restroom breaks and could produce more with the time. 

That worked well until I started messing my diaper at work and the other workers complained. Now when I mess my diaper I have to clock out to change and make up any missed work time at the end of the day. Needless to say I did not work there anymore after 6 months, boss found / made up reasons to fire me. Goodridence to him and his attitude.

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Here in the United States breaks are law for employees who have worked a specific amount of hours.  My first job was at a fast food place when I was 18.  I learned how to do every job, opening, closing, all the prep stations and was eager to keep learning.  Often when it was time for me to take a break the manager would say, "How about forgetting the break and clean up the back prep area", or something else.  This was a daily thing with him and working 8 or 10 hours, part of my break was to have my lunch or dinner which I often missed.  One day the head franchise managers were down having a meeting in back and I was just starting my break (which you had to clock out for), when this manager came and again said, "Do this (whatever) instead of taking your break"  Immediately one of the head guys came out and said to me, "No, you take your break!"  That was the last time that manager ever told me to forgo my break.  I wish I was a fly on the wall when the head guys had their discussion with him!  The thing is, with fast food as a teen's first job, the teen may not know what the specific laws are regarding work time and breaks so a manager can easily take advantage of him or her.  Likewise, a teen at a fast food joint won't know what to do or where to go if his breaks and rights are violated.  He is more afraid of losing his job than bucking the boss.

If you wear diapers that is no excuse for not getting the same breaks as other employees do.  You might think the opposite, the guy in diapers is getting special treatment by being allowed to go change diapers when needed and it's not break time.  There is the American Disabilities Act that is designed to prevent discrimination against employees with disabilities.  I have read in the forums how some places don't consider incontinence a disability because it's not openly seen like a guy in a wheelchair, but a person is still required a break after so many hours of work, weather they have to go pee in a toilet or they stand there and poop in their diaper.  I have seen supervisor's fired for mistreatment of people with a disability.  These days with the internet, there are always ways to report problems, including with the company you work for if it isn't a small privetly owned place.  Even then, you can report the place but you may lose your job.  That's what lawyers are for though!  It would be too much of a coincidence to lose your job right after reporting workplace violations!

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  • 4 weeks later...

When I got hired for my job this past June I had to disclose my incontinence to the HR dept. It wasn’t an issue since I have a full continence exam on my record from a large hospital. I disclosed that I was using discrete protection which in my case is washable incontinence panties. I hated disclosing this but there is an advantage to them knowing. I had my panties fail to hold everything on Monday and this not only left big smiles on the back of my jeans, it left my office chair obviously wet. On Tuesday I ordered a case of pull-ups through North Shore and when they arrive I’m going to retire my washable panties and start wearing better protection. I really don’t have to worry about someone saying something even if they were to notice since I could simply report them to HR and they would take care of the problem.

Hugs,

Freta

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There is no apparent reason why you should. Given certain circumstances it can be useful, helpful or even the best option. i.e. I am being employed by the same employer for the last 26 years. As far as I know, nobody knows I wear diapers to work, something I’ve been doing for the last 19 maybe 20 years or so. Now here in the Netherlands employees are protected by law (evidently that only goes so far) against bullying and discrimination on the work floor. I am absolutely sure if ever one of my colleagues finds out I wear diapers (and it really doesn’t matter if it is for a medical reason, for pleasure or whatever drives you to wear) I will talk it over with the head of the HR department if their new found discovery / knowledge leads to problems or bullying. For sure I will not tell them the reason why I wear, may it be for pleasure or to be more precise because of mental / emotional reasons. A white lie would be very appropriate given the circumstances if you’d as me. This said, I am not in favor of lying, however sometimes you’ll have no other option but to bend the truth a little.

One needs a job for more than one reason. Wearing diapers should never be a reason to lose your job or become a social outcast, because others feel the need to give you a hard time about it. Once again the reason why you wear is absolutely of no importance. The one thing that is important is you feeling happy with your job, yourself and with your life style. However if you purposely draw attention to fact you wear diapers it will be on you to bear the consequences. Wearing diapers 24/7 can be done without too much problems. If you live your life like and incontinent person nobody can tell the difference and nobody can tell you wear for other reasons. Last but not least. I wear a medical grade diaper ( my choice) so if somebody finds out I wear it will be somewhat easier to explain, that doesn’t mean the next guy should do the same.

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I told my employer about my incontinence, they were fine about it, and even added a disposal bin to the staff bathroom.

My reasons were:

I need to change sometimes and can be away from my desk a little longer than a normal bathroom break.

I work with clients regularly, and co-workers in close proximity - it could lead to discomfort for them.

I have managements support if any bullying or incidents ever occur.

I'm open about my disabilities in my work (I work in disability so use my experience as needed)

I'm a wheelchair user and it's one of the more common questions I get asked by anyone. I address it up front.

My nappy may show due to my sitting position or signs of it may be visible. Also peoples eyes are drawn to your legs often.

I try to keep a positive attitude and not feel ashamed of my incontinence (though I do at times) it's out of my control

I hope this is helpful.

Emily

 

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Well there are some things they cant ask you Now one if they ask you if you have a disability you can say yes but they can not ask specifics or questions as to the type of problem they can ask you if you need accommodations and make them reasonably for you. Under the ADA it is ilegal for the to request the extent of the disabilty or the scope of the problem

 

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I informed my current full time employer of my incontence today, the HR lady asked if there was anything I needed to make my job easier. I said not really, just need to time to take care of any accidents I have at work, she assured me that would not be a problem.  Told me to continue doing what I have been to take care of my needs.

Now I clear to wear, wet and or mess my diaper at work and not have to worry.

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  • 1 year later...

I think it is a personal choice. If you want to disclose, do so. If not, then don't. Everyone in my life - family, friends, work colleagues, my basketball team - knows that I wear diapers for a sports related injury but I didn't go out and make a point of informing everyone. Of course, my family knew because my injury was quite bad. Surf board right to the abdomen. Friends simply were informed or found out. No one flipped or freaked. When you play basketball with my guys, butt slaps are a big part of the team spirit so they found out instantly. As I always say, I don't run around advertising that I wear diapers but I also don't hide it, either. It is simply a fact of life for me. 

I only do one diaper change midday - if that - so time from the job for diaper related issues is not relevant. Smokers and their 75 smoke breaks during a work day are using more work time than anyone taking care of their incontinence issues. But that is another story. 

I am a lawyer for a high-profile firm. No one at the office cares about anyone's underwear. Everyone's got better things to do, right?

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There are pros and cons. I would't tell everybody about my medical problems but when my UIC started I talked with the representatives for disabled employees of the company because I found it very embarrassing to dump my pads in the open bin of the washroom or to take it with me. This was pretty successful, because as result all stalls in the toilets on the floor were equipped with self-locking bins. Meanwhile I found this also in other branch offices and I think it was a good idea and it seems, that I was not the only one with such a problem    

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  • 2 months later...

My boss called me into his office and said, 'Is there anything you want to tell me?'  At first, of course, I thought I'd done something wrong at work, but then he asked if I had any medical issues I needed to discuss.  We dodged around the issue for a minute or two but then it became clear what he meant and I said I wore diapers and he said he's realised but just needed me to confirm it.  That was it.   

Until the next day when I got into work and my normal office chair had been removed and replaced with a hard plastic chair.  I went in and spoke with him.   He said he didn't want to have to pay for another one if I 'pissed all over it'.   I explained of course that it didn't work like that and he agreed, reluctantly, to give me my chair back.  When it came back the seat had been covered with a black bin liner that had been taped on!  Of course, the whole situation led to questions from colleagues who were sympathetic, but also thought my boss had a point.  He also pointed out to me, in front of 2 other guys, that as I didn't need to use the toilet I didn't have any reason not to be at my desk unless it was my lunch break and perhaps  it would boost efficiency if everyone wore diapers. which got a laugh from them.   It was difficult for a few months as I couldn't get another job so just had to put up with it.  Nobody was nasty or mean, but there were alot of jokes and banter about it.

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