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Christmas -- it just takes a bit of initiative


dlsafrica

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So given the fact that last year I wasn't welcome to spend Christmas Day with my mom because my brother's family was down and there wasn't room for me to sleep the night (what I was told, although paraphrased), this year I made my own plans. For two years in a row now my Christmas lunch has been a piece of toast. Last year I actually had something to put on it (my money comes through on the 26th, so I never have money on 25th).

Anyway, so ten days ago I posted a whatsapp in our church group and said "please, I would really like to not spend Christmas Day alone again". Thankfully they know what it is like, since a ot of the church leadership is American (it's an American church plant) so they are also away from family although the situation is a little different.

So I have been invited somewhere for Christmas Day this year at least.

It was a good thing I did that because my mom phoned me yesterday and asked if I have plans for Christmas. I told her yes, and she said it was good because my brother and his family would be down again and even though there are three bedrooms now, they will all be taken again.

I guess the most bothersome part of this for me is that my mom didn't even make any effort to say that it would have been nice if I could have been there. I mean... the only thing I really miss is the trifle which only got made at Christmas.

Okay - thought for the day finished. I mentioned this elsewhere and have received the comment from a friend that she can't believe the way I am treated; that there must be a space on the floor somewhere to sleep, or that there must be room around a table to sit. But I actually don't expect anything anymore -- that's actually what I posted in  my church group -- that I didn't want to come across as expecting anything so I didn't mention it before.

I mean, it's possible that I will develop a certain relationship over the next couple of years and might have a girlfriend... so maybe I won't have to worry about being alone then. She's already the only lady I would consider marrying. Anyway that's a different soap episode and shall be told at another time. Sorry this is long. Thanks for listening.

Oh sorry - I thought this was the general banter thread group -- if an admin wants to move it in the right category please do.

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That's a real shitty family

I'm gonna spend Christmas with my family and I have chosen to sleep in the basement as beds are overrated

I even bring my own mattress etc.  (I had the option to sleep in the living room, on the couch) 

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Even thought they are "family" (in the biological sense anyway), it sounds like you are the forgotton son.  To be blunt, it sounds like they really don't want you there anyway.  Have you had any past problems with your brother or his family?  The last minute call from your mom was not to ask if you had plans (if you had said no I'm sure she would have still said, "Sorry, we don't have room for you").  Her call was to appease the small guilt feelings she felt about not really wanting you there, so by making the offer at least she can say to everyone she tried.

You will most likely have a much better time with the people from your church.  After all, the biggest difference is they invited you so they want you there.  Your family said in the past they didn't have room for you, and again this year if they really wanted you they could have called you much earlier and made some arrangments to make sure you are welcome.  I don't mean to sound so blunt about it, but I think you have come to those conclusions yourself.  By the way, next year when you get paid November 26, buy yourself a nice meal and put it in your freezer marked, "Do Not Open Until Christmas" just in case.  Enjoy the day! 

By the way, I know how you feel.  I'm the youngest of 2 sons and by brother was always the favorite with my mom.  Days before his birthday my mom would be telling me we need to get a cake, find one that is sugar free,, fix a nice dinner, plan for a few people over, etc.  My birthday?  I worked that day, I put out a cake mix in the morning before I left for work remarking off handedly, "If anyone's thinking of making a cake or anything, I put one on the counter".  I come home from work after a 10 hour day, cake mix is still on the counter, no dinner fixed or anything.  I'm ordered to go to the grocery store and buy some fried chicken for supper (and I really don't care much for chicken).  My dad went along so he could buy me a last minute birthday card because they hadn't gotten me one.  I said, "Don't bother if you haven't gotten me one by now".  Not my dad's fault.  My dad bought some ice cream and while at the store my brother hurridly called a couple relatives.  Next year on my birthday we went out of town for something my brother wanted to do.  We had to stop at a store on the way home because no one made me a cake.  Be aware my parents were both retired and home all day.  My brother's birthday?  Everything bought, baked and planned days in advance.  Me?  Forgotton and last minute.  Not always, but it happened often enough, so I know how you feel. 

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Both me and my brother were adopted, from different families, and five years apart. But my best friend was staying with me since the first week of November. She might have been here still - her authorisation papers for Norway came through and she left two weeks ago. She is going to Norway to marry my sister --- fine, the closest thing in the world I will ever have to a sister -- she loves me like only a sister could.And I've wanted a sister my whole life, so you can imagine my commitment to her. Besides, the three of us are the strongest unit in the world.  Had my friend still been here we would have spent it together. I made contact with one half of my biological family ten years ago next April. I'm sure I could have probably asked them, but I don't like imposing -- the exact reason I just walked home in silence after the church service last year, even though two people asked me if something was wrong.

This year my aunt (biological) will probably ask again why I'm not with my mom (adoptive) and I will just say that there were only three bedrooms and my brother and his family were down so there wasn't room for me.

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