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What am I doing wrong?


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A couple of years ago, I learned that my SO loved diapers. I posted here and got the courage (after some advice) to talk with him about it. The talk went very well and I decided to start trying diapers out for myself. Doing so helped me realize just how much I actually enjoy age regression, and how I've always really enjoyed it & its not just me being bratty or immature as others have said to me in the past. I also started to feel less bad about my incest roleplay fantasies (because my SO likes for me to refer to him as daddy) but I have NOT told him about the incest fantasies. I think he would be weirded out by it. Lately, we are only intimate with one another about twice a month, sometimes slightly more or less, but that's the average. It's very upsetting to me. I have gained some weight and I feel that he is turned off by it. It is not a lot, about 10 pounds. I try to wear diapers for him (and for myself) but try to make it sexy or draw attention to myself in them. I will sometimes do other things he likes such as use my paci or sippy.. but he does not take the bait! I love him so much but our sex life is not compatible any more it seems. We rarely are intimate and when we are - there is no passion! We have been together about 3 years, but I wonder how we could last forever in this way! To top it all off - I thought it was just that he wasn't that sexual, but he looks at other diaper girls online and watches amateur videos... I don't know what to do. Please help!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post. I've always said that the sex life reflects the relationship. If sex is one sided, often so is the relationship. If sex is giving on both ends, then so is the relationship. If the sex life lacks passion, I'm sorry to say, but the relationship probably does as well. Watching porn is normal for most. Watching porn and other women in diapers isn't necessarily the cause for concern. But when someone prefers that over being with their significant other, then something may be very wrong. And given the state of your willingness to satisfy him, I doubt it's your capabilities in bed. It is very possible that there is something more serious going on in the relationship. Something that has come between you. A lot of people - men especially - won't always voice their concerns in the relationship, and usually for one main reason. Either from growing up, or from previous relationships, they might feel like communicating their concerns will only start a fight. If they don't feel safe having an open discussion, they'll avoid it for the sake of avoiding an argument.

As others have said already, communication communication communication is the key. Being that he is showing what I would interpret as a fear of communicating, you may want to take those steps delicately. Make him feel comfortable prior to the talk. A backrub is always a good place to start, or anything else that you might think of. When you do talk with him, try to keep your emotions out of it as best you can. Try not to cry or get angry or upset, because it may dissuade him from continuing the conversation. Be gentle, and listen. The problem might not even have anything to do with you. It might be an insecurity of his that he's afraid of sharing. It could be anything. So try not to make assumptions. And, try not to get discouraged. It might take a few tries to get him to open up. Put a little time in between each talk, as well as some good old fashioned quality time. Go out together, do things that you enjoy doing one on one. Get involved in each other's lives again. He'll need to feel close and safe with you in order to open up.

About your weight gain, if it really is only 10 pounds, I'd be surprised if that's really the source of the problem. But it might be as simple as the way YOU view yourself now that you gained a little weight. Lack of confidence in oneself can be a turn off. 10 pounds or not, if you own it, it's sexy. As I said though, the cause could be anything.

Or it may not be anything at all. In most relationships, the sex life calms down after some time. It's the settling stage, and it's normal. But it's also a very critical stage, which I will explain in a moment. In the beginning, everything is new and exciting, emotions and desires run high. But over time that calms down as you get comfortable with one another. Men are usually the first to get comfortable, and that leaves a lot of women panicking, thinking that they've lost their man's interest. And in some cases, that is possible that the man has grown bored, but more often than not he's just comfortable.

What makes that so critical is sometimes people might get TOO comfortable with each other. The perusing stage is over, and sometimes they might think "well, now I don't have to try so hard to get him/her because now I have him/her". When in reality, both parties should be trying just as hard to keep each other as they did to get each other. This is a fact that is lost on many couples. And it always happens during the settling stage. Again, communicate your needs to him. If he really doesn't have any problems in your relationship, then that's what it boils down to.

Also, one final thing. Age and lifestyle can play a massive role in a couple's sex life. The older a man gets, the more difficult and exhausting sex can be. It doesn't mean he's not in the mood. It's just easier for him to masterbate than it is to have sex. Especially if he smokes or drinks or has a poor diet, even if he's not overweight. He may still desire you. He just might not have it in him to follow through with it as often as you'd like. Really, there are a ton of possibilities, and many of them have nothing to do with you or his feelings and desires towards you.

A little suggestion before I wrap this up. This may be too difficult for you to do, and that's okay. But if you can bring yourself to do it, and ONLY if he's okay with it, look through his porn stash. You can find a lot out about someone by looking through their porn. Basically what you're looking for is a fixation on a particular girl or girls that look a certain way. For example, if you're a 140 lb brunette and he's looking only at videos of 115 lb blondes, then he may be getting bored. Of course there will probably be some videos like that. It's in a male's nature to persue, so you'll have to try to forgive him for that. But, if you find videos with women who resemble you (or the way you looked three years ago at least) or if the couple in the videos are doing similar things that you two do together, then that's a very good sign that he's still into you. But you may find other things that you didnt expect. Men and internet porn can be a terrible and insatiable rabbit hole. Curiosity and taboo can eventually alter what turns a man on, and it can become addicting. So tread on with care. Many men don't fall into this trap, and those who do are particularly between specific ages and is typically short lived. But there are many who do fall victim to this trap, and it does have the potential to ruin relationships because it fogs their idea of reality and human interaction. If you're going to do this, I would highly suggest asking him to look through his porn stash together instead of behind his back. Honesty is the best policy. But only do it if you're fully prepared for what you might find. Keep in mind though that this does not have to be the solution. The solution is in communication. If communication fails, then this can be a good plan B if you both are prepared for it.

Good luck and stay strong. I hope you can get through this together.

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Sometimes the diapers are sexual. If you partner ismasturbating, this will stifle their sexual libido. I would suggest diaper chastity to test this theory. Control the orgasms, control their desire.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ditto the communicating- that is the most crucial and important part of making any relationship work. And New2DL's take on I-porn is a bullseye ;) Anything you want to see can be found online and one can be drawn into the loss of reality quite easily. One of my darkest fantasies runs counter to what the reality of it would probably be, but with the right person and trust it could happen. I don't pursue it online because you can't really know somebody unless you're with them face-to-face for however long it takes to establish a trusting relationship. The internet is chock-full of people with hidden motivations and one cannot be too careful though the opposite is possible :(

Nobody is more than 50% of a relationship so whatever your efforts are it might not work out, but if you don't try to make it work you can be certain that it won't. So try with all your heart and if that's not enough then it wasn't you that ended things so don't go on a guilt trip over that- just close that chapter of life and open another one B)

Bettypooh

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