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I can't say what I need to say


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...and to me that is the worst part of depression. My world gets really dark sometimes and there are thoughts in my heard that I think would be diminished if someone could just hear them and say "I understand" and mean it... But that can't happen. Chances are I'd instead get a "stop seeking attention or just do it" response or someone would call the police "for my own good." Or the third response, the worst one: people who just disappear because they can't handle my truth and that just that adds a "see I told you" to those dark thoughts.

This isn't a cry for help. I've definitely been crying today, but that's just how it goes. I don't need to go to the hospital, I'm going to make it through the night tonight, even if I don't have an answer for that thought in my head that keeps asking "Why do want to get up tomorrow. For more of this?" I see my shrink Monday though more and more I don't see the point of medication that keeps me from jumping off the cliff, but can't stop me from wanting too.

I guess I just want to say that I know there are others out there that feel this way sometimes... or even all the time, and I understand!

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Hi Mike,

               I understand feeling this way & dealing with it often because I have been there way too many times myself. And when the struggle is like that & then the "why's" start in your head it's ten times tougher. *Hugs* I am just letting you know that you are not alone in your struggles. 

Rockies Fan.

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I definitely know what you are both are talking about it is like a large dark cloud is following you around and no matter what you do you can't shake it.   It is there telling you to do bad things to yourself every hour of every day.   I have also spent times in front of the computer listening to sad music while crying.   Anyway I will pray for the both of you and wish you both the best of luck *gives you both big hugs*

 

 

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6 hours ago, DailyDiapers said:

... if someone could just hear them and say "I understand" and mean it...

 

 

it seems to me that is a feeling of loneliness, that is a common thread with depression, feeling like there is no one really interrested in understanding you.

 

that feeling you want someone to have, of sincere interest in you, imagine what that feeling is, and go looking in the world for someone you feel that way towards, maybe they will begin to reciprocate it. it should be reciprocated after all.

 

 

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Mike,

I walk a similar road every day.  I want you to know that you can reach out any time.  I found the best thing that helps me is to talk, its also the most difficult thing for me.  I mention it only in hoping to show you that you're in good company.

Thank you for everything you do in creating this space for us.  I appreciate it immensely.

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On 19/11/2017 at 1:18 AM, DailyDiapers said:

...and to me that is the worst part of depression. My world gets really dark sometimes and there are thoughts in my heard that I think would be diminished if someone could just hear them and say "I understand" and mean it... But that can't happen. Chances are I'd instead get a "stop seeking attention or just do it" response or someone would call the police "for my own good." Or the third response, the worst one: people who just disappear because they can't handle my truth and that just that adds a "see I told you" to those dark thoughts.

This isn't a cry for help. I've definitely been crying today, but that's just how it goes. I don't need to go to the hospital, I'm going to make it through the night tonight, even if I don't have an answer for that thought in my head that keeps asking "Why do want to get up tomorrow. For more of this?" I see my shrink Monday though more and more I don't see the point of medication that keeps me from jumping off the cliff, but can't stop me from wanting too.

I guess I just want to say that I know there are others out there that feel this way sometimes... or even all the time, and I understand!

I have definitely had a lot of days like this. You will have noticed that this time last year I was in a very bad place and just barely hanging on as well. When you are at your lowest points it is always really hard to remember that you won't always feel that way.

Depression is really hard to deal with for other people because they care about you. They don't like to see you in pain and so they want to get you help by calling authorities or something because they want you to feel better and don't always realise that you just need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

I hope you have some better days soon and in the meantime you have a community of thousands who love and appreciate everything you do for us even if we are sometimes ungrateful (Can't blame Littles for being selfish :P )

I understand "the pain" even if I can't immediately understand your specific pain. Everyone's pain is different but many of us know the feeling of having "the pain" sitting on top of you and making everything else, including seeing past it, so difficult.

If you want or need to talk to someone you can contact me if you need someone to just listen to what you want to say.

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I'm with you in spirit as always. Things can get rough indeed :( TBH I don't know why I continue to go on with my own life but I do. The only good thing I have to look forward to is winning the lottery (no chance of that :unsure:). The only other big things in my life which could happen aren't good things. The only thing which keeps me going is my stubbornness and my knowing that those few who love me would be hurt when I'm gone, and I love them too so I don't want them to hurt because of me. It ain't much to hold on to but it's all I've got and it has to be enough. I've had my run at life and it's been very interesting, but now I'm getting old and there's nothing left for me to do but wait for my ending. Till it comes I just try to fins whatever positive things I can and try to find things which will bring me a smile, even a fleeting one. I wish I could honestly say that I'll never let this beat me but I can't. I will fight it though because depression is evil and all evil must be fought. You're making a better world with what you do here so hang onto whatever you can grab when you're slipping down into the hole knowing that the effort is worth it and that we care :wub:

Bettypooh

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Well said Mike. I couldn't have said it better. There are times when my depression tries to take over my life and I feel like the boiled frog. I just don't see it till it's too late. Fortunately I have a wonderful wife who knows me very well. I also have a very empathetic GSD who seems to pick up on my depression before my wife does. 

I remember when I lost my parents and it was a very low point for me. It wasn't until later that I was able to see all the good times and interactions that we had during those last few months. The funerals were not memorable, but the last few months of their lives were. Treasure these times Mike, hindsight will help you to lock in those moments that mean the most. 

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