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Diapers and emotions


lcjp

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Anyone have any theories about how diaper wearing might be related to childhood experiences? I'm about to discuss this with my therapist for the first time and just want to have an idea of what I might be getting into. 

I little background: My mom was an addict and her boyfriend a jerk.  I saw and did some awful things when I was a kid. Mom's boyfriend liked to humiliate me in order to boost his own masculinity. I wet the bed until I was about 11 and that was his biggest thing. Sometimes I had diapers, sometimes my sister had extra diapers (she was a baby, so I only used hers if I knew there was enough), sometimes I'd put a towel between my legs to try to prevent the bed from getting wet. My mom rarely helped me clean up from it and her boyfriend really tore me up about it. He caught me a couple of times using diapers during the day (I wasn't sure why I did it then, all I knew is I wanted to) and really rubbed my nose in it. I've always been very ashamed about it. 

I left the home before puberty and my life got much better after that. I continued to wear night diapers for about a year because I was still bedwetting and in that household they were a non-issue, they were bought and put in my room without comment, sheets were washed without comment, gentle reminders to not drink too much before bed. Nothing bad there. After I stopped wetting I had about two packages left (I think they were goodnights or something similar) and I kept them in my closet "just in case." Occasionally I would get into them for sexual reasons - wet them then masturbate and then feel ashamed and consider throwing them all away. 

When I moved into my own place I considered buying adult diapers a few times just to experiment and I often read on these boards and watch videos online, but I've never been brave enough to buy anything until last week. Last week I admitted to my therapist that I trust her and have feelings for her (not sexual, like care-type feelings). She responded good at first, then she recommended I try a different type of therapy with another therapist. I'm going to her for ptsd issues and it is very very hard for me to trust people and talk about my past and it hit me really hard that I admitted I cared about her then she threw out the other therapist idea. I felt like she was trying to push me away or get rid of me. It felt like really shitty timing and that same day I walked into a med store and bought a pack of adult diapers. I've been wearing them whenever I'm home since. I've only used the bathroom about once a day since then (at work). 

I didn't put this together until a few days ago when she emailed me and apologized if she upset me by suggesting another therapist - she apparently intended for me to continue with her, but see someone else for just a specific technique. I was too mad/hurt to respond, but I was sitting there in a wet diaper and thinking - did that just push me into diapers? Before now it's just been a sexual thing, once and a while when I want to get off and then I have no interest in them for a while. It's different now though. It's comforting kind of. Distracting maybe. I kind of wonder if the combination of my therapist stressing me out and also that we're bringing up so much of my past is making me revert to them as some sort of security. 

TLDR: Bad childhood, bedwetter, occasional DL... Therapist upset me, ptsd treatment, suddenly have an overwhelming desire to diaper all the time. 

Anyone had this experience or have some input? I'm going to talk to her about it if I can work up the courage, but I'm trying to at least somewhat prepare myself for what might come of it. 

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There are a couple reasons why people turn to having an interest in wearing diapers, and the reasons are seemingly polar opposites. First, if you had a bad childhood you might try to "return" to that point in your life and "make it better" through reenactment of some events--including wearing diapers because now as an adult, the experience can give you pleasure. Secondly, you may have had a wonderful childhood that was over too soon and you wish to return to those carefree days. You return to wearing diapers in an effort to rekindle being taken care of and having no responsibilities (my scenario). Wearing diapers for pleasure comes under the term "paraphilia,' which is gaining pleasure (sexual or otherwise) from something not generally associated with "good feelings." As long as you can strike a good balance of reality and fantasy, it can provide a great way to relieve stress and be a healing process for those with psychological issues regarding their childhood. A good therapist will help you get over the guilty feelings you have about wearing diapers for pleasure. As long as you keep a healthy balance, it is much safer than drugs or alcohol. Just remember "healthy balance" and don't become obsessed with diapers until wearing them takes over your life. I enjoy wearing diapers almost every day, but there are some days I have other events in my life and I go out and take care of daily tasks, shop, go out with friends, etc. without really missing my diaper time. In other words, I don't close out the real world for diapers. There is room (and time) for both.

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Here's a bit of what I gather. For one, masterbation makes perfect sense for people who were bed-wetters. It may have happened too far back for you to remember, but basically you most likely learned to masterbate in a diaper. Because of the physicalities of diapers, it's going to feel much better than not having one at all. And I'm not an original DL. My boyfriend turned me on to diapers about six months after we were dating. This is the case for him, and I'd have to agree the feeling is much better. It's just our primal nature, even a monkey would agree. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, it's really nothing to beat yourself up over. Easier said than done, I know. But try and take comfort in knowing you're not the only one.

I'm assuming your scenarios with resorting to diapers stems from something farther back than you may remember as well. Especially considering the fact that what you do remember from your childhood and mom's boyfriend is traumatizing.  Often times people resort to diapers under stressful circumstances because, whether it be conscious or subconscious, it takes you to a place in your mind during infancy, where the world was once new and wonderful and safe. It brings back those feelings of comfort, like a security blanket. Your therapist will probably brush over something similar.

As for why you plunged into diapers for emotional reasons after what you thought was rejection from your therapist when normally you use them for sexual purposes, well that's kind of loaded question. First of all, you really put yourself out there when you trust someone, even a therapist. Feeling rejection after that can in and of itself be somewhat traumatizing. And if you're one to have trust issues, then this would bother you even more and it would make sense that you'd revert to something like this. Also, in feeling rejection, it could very well have resurfaced old feelings from your childhood of rejection and judgement from those who were supposed to guide you through life (your parental figures).  Being that your therapist has a similar role as a guide that your mother and mom's boyfriend should've had, this could be an easy trigger. It's nothing abnormal at all for someone who went through the kinds of painful things that you went through.

Coming from someone who has been abused and neglected throughout child and teenhood, I know all about trust issues and how much it can damage you when you start to let your walls down and you end up getting hurt instead. Being that you were already a mild DL to begin with, and that you were wearing during the day as a child but werent sure why, it only makes sense that diapers were a security blanket to you. But don't let any of that discourage you from opening up to the right person for the right reasons. When you find someone worth trusting, it's a wonderful thing and well worth the wait.

Not really sure if this kind of reply is what you were looking for, but I hope it did something anyway.

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Ill give some info and you can go from there.

ABDLs make up about 1 in a 1000 to a population on adverage(I have proven this 3 times) and that is for any form of abdlism that a person might have no matter the age.

For the 1 in a 1000 there is three spikes when people reported that when it started for them age 3-5, 9-12, and 18-22. The 3-5 could be from not liking the potty training experience or just too much stress on someone so young. 9-12 is most likely bed wetting that survived enough into puperity that diapers might have stuck as something the person likes, as least what I noticed. And 18-22 is just a adult wanting to spice up their life and turns out that diapers were pretty cool way of doing that.

 

Diaper fetishism can be introduced or forced or exposed or it could happen as part of your brain's fail safe to prevent you from completely losing it and destroy everything(pretty much turn feral). It happens just like how any other fetish happens.

 

Infantism as its correctly called for adult babys. Is not a disease or a virus but more or less-just a stress release fail safe so the brain don't overload. Pretty simple stuff really.

 

In the OP's case. It looks like your brain overloaded on stress and it made a fail safe to prevent it from overloading again. Our brains are pretty awsome things as they allow us to be aware of things and do things rather marvelously that other animals cant do but even with all of this ability: There is a limit and sometimes it gets reached. Have you got so stressed out that you just walked away or lashed out in anger. Thats what im talking about-brain overload.

 

The brain will do many things if it feels its in danger and in your case. It felt that you were in danger and it was consently happening so it made somthing for you to like from a time when you didnt have to worry about anything. Things were easy and fun. Just like computers, our brains can go back in time to protect it self just like how computers can.

 

Pretty easy stuff to figure out really.

Good luck!

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They calm me. I'm dealing with financial issues and long hours at work mixed with almost non existent free time. As a result ive been wearing diapers at work more often and realy enjoy crinkling down the silent hallways. The joys of using my underwear as a bathroom in the presence of coworkers and the public gives me a little rush and kind of simulates my fantasy of unpotty training. It's become so second nature that I feel annoyed if I'm not wearing and have to stop what I'm doing to use the restroom, or hold it until I'm able to. I think to myself "I really wish I were wearing a diaper right now" it's become such a habit that I've started wearing just to avoid that situation. The only time I don't wear now is at the gym or before I work a side job downtown where it's likely that I'll have to be a tuff guy.

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Whatever the root of the situation, that's a common association abdl's have with diapers. Especially when it comes to male sexuality, because at the time your mind is on nothing else but pleasure. I know a guy who sort of became "addicted" to wearing diapers for sexual purposes during a difficult time in his life for that exact reason. The "addiction" typically calms down a bit when stress levels calm down, or if you find a variety of ways to cope. But that's just the sexual part.

Wearing for reasons other than sexually is often typically associated with the calming sensation. It's a physical release of ones' inhibitions in a sense. Letting go, being unrestrained, a sense of freedom in a way. It's one of the few things in life where you can decide that for yourself, to completely let go and not hold back. Whereas in every other aspect of life, we're constantly holding ourselves back socially, mentally, emotionally, sexually, etc. for one reason or another. Be it legalities or social norms or whatever. So for some, the idea of un-potty training can be very appealing for that reason.

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10 minutes ago, New2DL said:

Whatever the root of the situation, that's a common association abdl's have with diapers. Especially when it comes to male sexuality, because at the time your mind is on nothing else but pleasure. I know a guy who sort of became "addicted" to wearing diapers for sexual purposes during a difficult time in his life for that exact reason. The "addiction" typically calms down a bit when stress levels calm down, or if you find a variety of ways to cope. But that's just the sexual part.

Wearing for reasons other than sexually is often typically associated with the calming sensation. It's a physical release of ones' inhibitions in a sense. Letting go, being unrestrained, a sense of freedom in a way. It's one of the few things in life where you can decide that for yourself, to completely let go and not hold back. Whereas in every other aspect of life, we're constantly holding ourselves back socially, mentally, emotionally, sexually, etc. for one reason or another. Be it legalities or social norms or whatever. So for some, the idea of un-potty training can be very appealing for that reason.

Yup

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I know this. Diapers are a coping mechanism for me. I'm not a person who wears everyday but I will when the mood strikes. I do know  when stress levels are too high I cope by wearing more frequently. It's just my way of coping with things and is a way of calming down and gathering a more stable thought process. I don't regress I just cope.

Sometimes it's after a stressful situation or it can be triggered by a future event that I know about yet it still stresses me out to the point where I go into seclusion and wear to help me cope. Sometimes it's work related. Sometimes it finance related. Not one thing in particular triggers it.

I too grew up in a very stressful home. I too was a bed wetter to almost 7. I too have had wet sheets rubbed in my face. 

My mother wasn't an addict but she was a very emotionally disconnected individual and my father was just disconnected with life period. I don't know if this has any bearing on the use of diapers for stress relief but I do know that I feel better when wearing and a hell  of a lot less stressed.

Yes I spoke to a psychologist about it and no the psychologist didn't have a particular reason as to why I had this thing for diapers bit he did state that it seems for me it was a coping mechanism from my childhood. Seemed to make sense to me.

 

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My desires for diapers date from my potty training days.   I remember being in diapers until I was four, and still having issues up until I was nearly five, but I don't remember having accidents after i was potty trained.  I remember one when I was five, but I didn't wet bed or have accidents after I started kindergarten.

My parents were supportive and valued respect.    My dad and mom not only loved each other, but they respected each other.  They also showed me respect and expected me to give it back.   As a result, I had a comfortable childhood.  There is absolutely no way I could accuse my parents of being abusive in any way.   I can't even say they were afraid to let me grow up, since I was allowed to do things independently (like go to movies) before my 12th birthday.

The desire was also there, but really manifested itself when I was nearing adulthood, especially after my 18th birthday.   My mom passed away when I was 16, and that was a huge shock to my life.  I literally went from a little child to a man the moment my mom died.   And I mean that by saying, I went from my parents being responsible for me, to my dad just being an advisor to my life. 

My emotional connection to diapers is mostly a comfort to me.  I'm a fully functioning adult who enjoys an independent life.    I like social settings,, but value the times that I get to spend alone.  I find diapers allow me to cope with everyday life.     Since my 40th birthday, I've come to accept this part of my life.  I couldn't imagine going without diapers, but they in no way control me.

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I didn't discuss being DL with my Therapist as it was 'hardly on the radar' at that point in my life. We did discuss my extremely late gaining of bladder control and how that affected my social development, and we discussed my Dad's absolute refusal to allow me protection. It was learning how to deal with everything else in life which helped me accept my DL so easily (along with my deteriorating physical control). I had an extremely good Therapist and we spoke of everything else openly. U admitted that because of how she'd helped me that I loved her like a sister which was very true but I also added that there was nothing sexual about it as I saw the concern she had when I said this. She explained to me that to be an effective helper for me there had to be a 'wall' between us at the point where her emotions and physical person began so that her objectivity would not be affected, which makes perfect sense when you thing about it. Maybe something like that happened here.

Not every Therapist will be able to deal with it that well when this point is approached, but if you're there then you do need to discuss it and agree in where the line is and how you will avoid crossing it. When someone saves your life and helps you get past all the things which have been hurting you ut us perfectly normal (Oooooh I hate that word but here it is true) that you are going to at least like them a lot as a friend, and if toy have the usual level of sex drive that cab easily go father or you (I'm nearly asexual). It's something you both need to be aware of and watch out for then deal with if it happens.

Now onto my DL side. As far back as I can remember I always wanted to wear diapers; some of my earliest memories are my daydreaming about wearing them. I don't know for sure what caused that but keep in mind that I had very little bladder control til I was 5 or 6 and then it only slightly improved slowly.  I was a nighty bedwetter too. My Dad was hardcore Military and would not allow me any protection, somehow seeming to think that it was my fault for not trying hard enough. I was trying with all my might but I had a physical (nerve) problem which was not found as the cause till my 50's. I knew that there would be no social acceptance of an older child being in diapers, but it could be hidden and it certainly was better than being stuck in visibly wet pants till I got home where I could change. Though I was too young to realize it's implications, my Dad was a drunk and worse. I always cried myself to sleep every night because of Mom and Dad arguing every night after we were put to bed; I could never understand why they hated each other like that when I loved both of then so deeply and could see no reason for it.

Whether this has anything to do with my being DL I don't know but it might which is why I mention it. What I do know is that in Therapy I finally learned how to love myself and how to deal with my problems in life without adversely affecting me like I had been doing all along. So when my being DL came to prominence there wasn't too much for me to handle. Once I understood it's depth in me there was only learning how to allow for it in my life at a level where it would do me no harm. I'm 24.7 now, both for a physical need (slowly losing what little control I had finally managed to get) and for the emotional comfort they give me. I feel safer in diapers and I'm doing something which I've always wanted to do from the earliest days in my life. I'm truly happy like this and even if I could change it I wouldn't. I actually like that I need diapers now and can't do without them; it reinforces my decision to forget about my troublesome bladder and the problems it's always caused me. It can't hurt me anymore. The only problem I have is financial and that's just something which affects all of my life. 

Bettypooh

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For me, I actually remember being in diapers as a kid. I was very late to potty train and wore them as a bed wetter. They have always been a source of comfort for me. Emotionally there has always been a big part of me that has never grown up. I will always be childish and I'm ok with that.

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