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I've kinda been a dark spot lately and just kinda want to ranting about something to try and help me feel better.  Recently I was just shot down by a girl who I thought would go out with me.  We got along great and had a lot in common.  But when I finally got the courage to ask her out she said, "You're a nice guy, but you're too short for me."  I'm 5'2" she was about 5'5".  I'm on the extreme short side for American men and that has been a huge factor for me in not finding a girlfriend.  Every girl I've asked always says the same thing, "You're too short".  It's not like I'm asking out girls who are way taller than me, I'm asking girls who are around my height.  But every single one has told me, "No you're too short".  I feel like I should just give up you know, forget about it all and just become a hermit in the woods.  People say you'll find the right one eventually, but with 7 billion people on this world that's not good odds. 

It's getting difficult to see people I know getting married and having kids when I haven't even found someone ever.  I've tried to distract myself with hobbies and other things, but between school and work I find it difficult to find time for anything.  I feel left behind, unwanted, stressed out over societies push for being in a romantic relationship, and some days I kinda just want to disappear.  Just pack up everything I have get in my car and just live away from it all.  Every time I see my family they always ask, "Did you get a girlfriend yet?," and every time I say no.  My grandmother once asked me if I was gay because I had never been with a girl.  I have nothing against LGBTQ's, but that seriously hurt me when she asked that. 

I was bullied as a kid and developed an extreme case of inclusion, I didn't have friends and was an outcast in school.  Being short made me an easy target for anybody, so I kinda ignored people for a long time.  It wasn't until my junior year that I started to be a little social, but even then I was never invited out to parties or go to movies with the few friends I had.  Sometimes I think that I shouldn't be around, that I would be better off disappearing into the aether.  I try to be happy and be positive, but my mind always finds a way to be negative.  One minute I'm dreaming about finding the right girl and in the next minute I'm thinking about that same girl cheating on me.  I just don't know what to do anymore; I would see a psychologist if I could afford one, but $11/hr won't pay for that.  This is probably a mess on thoughts, but I just wanted to write something down instead of trying to bottle things up.

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I know it feels like you are alone in this.  I suffered from the same feelings at one time.  I wasn't with a girl until I was 24, but I got married when I turned 27 to someone very unexpected, and we are still together 20 years later.  Even through some really rough times, she stuck with and is sticking with me.

I know you think being short is the main problem you have, and I had a different thought, but the real obsticle, is you sabbotage yourself with negative thinking off and on.  I'm not saying it's your fault.  It is really hard to stay positive when you are in the position you are in.  I was there, so I do know.  And I know how it sounds when people say you will meet her, and no, this girl isn't her... and so on.

I wish I could have let my feelings out like you do.  It might have saved me some difficulties eariler in life. 

Just ride through the negative waves, and when you find the chance, try to create a positive again.  It is hard to get out and be social when you are feeling scared of rejection, but really, the only way to find her, is to find a way to get social.  Go to the library, take a class at a community college, or do something that gets you out and seeing people.  That is really the only fix.  That and time to find the one that you will click with.

I am just trying to say... don't give up, I guess.  Thank you for sharing.

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You're still young like I am :P sometimes you can go through life having problems... Maybe you need to go through certain problems to make you a better person. Humans are so odd something as arbitrary as height should not be an issue. I think you will meet the right person (like I will eventually) I have had many bad relationships some that would have been better off never happening. I will say this though life seems to have a weird thing if gifting you with a situation or person when you least expect it. For now I would just work on yourself and try to better yourself as a person and do what you need to do for your "life movie"...

If you ever need to talk PM me or send a message I have been dealing with depression and relationship issues for a long time. Things are always darkest before the dawn or so they say. It is just up to the individual to persevere. Besides that people you know who have gotten married might not be as happy as you think they are. Every person has their own set of problems and life obstacles to overcome. I have learned to enjoy being single for the freedom it gives but I totally understand your situation and was in a similar place for a long time.

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17 hours ago, Padded comfort said:

I've kinda been a dark spot lately and just kinda want to ranting about something to try and help me feel better.  Recently I was just shot down by a girl who I thought would go out with me.  We got along great and had a lot in common.  But when I finally got the courage to ask her out she said, "You're a nice guy, but you're too short for me."  I'm 5'2" she was about 5'5".  I'm on the extreme short side for American men and that has been a huge factor for me in not finding a girlfriend.  Every girl I've asked always says the same thing, "You're too short".  It's not like I'm asking out girls who are way taller than me, I'm asking girls who are around my height.  But every single one has told me, "No you're too short".  I feel like I should just give up you know, forget about it all and just become a hermit in the woods.  People say you'll find the right one eventually, but with 7 billion people on this world that's not good odds. 

It's getting difficult to see people I know getting married and having kids when I haven't even found someone ever.  I've tried to distract myself with hobbies and other things, but between school and work I find it difficult to find time for anything.  I feel left behind, unwanted, stressed out over societies push for being in a romantic relationship, and some days I kinda just want to disappear.  Just pack up everything I have get in my car and just live away from it all.  Every time I see my family they always ask, "Did you get a girlfriend yet?," and every time I say no.  My grandmother once asked me if I was gay because I had never been with a girl.  I have nothing against LGBTQ's, but that seriously hurt me when she asked that. 

I was bullied as a kid and developed an extreme case of inclusion, I didn't have friends and was an outcast in school.  Being short made me an easy target for anybody, so I kinda ignored people for a long time.  It wasn't until my junior year that I started to be a little social, but even then I was never invited out to parties or go to movies with the few friends I had.  Sometimes I think that I shouldn't be around, that I would be better off disappearing into the aether.  I try to be happy and be positive, but my mind always finds a way to be negative.  One minute I'm dreaming about finding the right girl and in the next minute I'm thinking about that same girl cheating on me.  I just don't know what to do anymore; I would see a psychologist if I could afford one, but $11/hr won't pay for that.  This is probably a mess on thoughts, but I just wanted to write something down instead of trying to bottle things up.

I know what you mean.  I know several short people who are some of the nicest people I know, so I don't understand why anyone should judge you for that.  As for finding a psychologist, you might want to try talking with babyqtboy on here or perhaps seeing if your school has a psychologist that's covered under tuition (most of them do, I think).  Anyway, sorry to hear that you're having a rough time and hope things start getting better for you.

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Don’t lose hope. I know that’s easy to say, but hang in. I’m not short myself, but I’m no stranger to people being jerks about impressions. And keep in mind, if someone can’t see the real height within you, and not just the scale on a tape measure, then you don’t want to be around them. When you want to be with someone, and you feel alone and left out, it is extremely difficult. I felt that way most of my life. It took me quite sometime, till I found someone who was the ONE for me. I got married late, but I’m very happy with my wife, and feel very lucky.  Concentrate on being the best you, you can be, and let people see it. Eventually, someone will see how tall you are. Next thing you know, you’ll be complaining about how tired you are, because the kids don’t sleep through the night. :02_EmoticonsHDcom:

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On 10/6/2017 at 8:33 PM, Ishigreensa said:

I know it feels like you are alone in this.  I suffered from the same feelings at one time.  I wasn't with a girl until I was 24, but I got married when I turned 27 to someone very unexpected, and we are still together 20 years later.  Even through some really rough times, she stuck with and is sticking with me.

I know you think being short is the main problem you have, and I had a different thought, but the real obsticle, is you sabbotage yourself with negative thinking off and on.  I'm not saying it's your fault.  It is really hard to stay positive when you are in the position you are in.  I was there, so I do know.  And I know how it sounds when people say you will meet her, and no, this girl isn't her... and so on.

I wish I could have let my feelings out like you do.  It might have saved me some difficulties eariler in life. 

Just ride through the negative waves, and when you find the chance, try to create a positive again.  It is hard to get out and be social when you are feeling scared of rejection, but really, the only way to find her, is to find a way to get social.  Go to the library, take a class at a community college, or do something that gets you out and seeing people.  That is really the only fix.  That and time to find the one that you will click with.

I am just trying to say... don't give up, I guess.  Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for the support and advice, I'm currently taking classes as a full time student and I also work part-time.  My life has become so crowded I haven't had any time to just relax, or do anything else.  I'm currently looking at reducing my class load next semester so I have more free time.  While my negative mind plays a part in my feelings I still can't change how others view my height.  So I've decided to focus on myself and am currently looking for a new career

On 10/6/2017 at 8:54 PM, kcandprog said:

You're still young like I am :P sometimes you can go through life having problems... Maybe you need to go through certain problems to make you a better person. Humans are so odd something as arbitrary as height should not be an issue. I think you will meet the right person (like I will eventually) I have had many bad relationships some that would have been better off never happening. I will say this though life seems to have a weird thing if gifting you with a situation or person when you least expect it. For now I would just work on yourself and try to better yourself as a person and do what you need to do for your "life movie"...

If you ever need to talk PM me or send a message I have been dealing with depression and relationship issues for a long time. Things are always darkest before the dawn or so they say. It is just up to the individual to persevere. Besides that people you know who have gotten married might not be as happy as you think they are. Every person has their own set of problems and life obstacles to overcome. I have learned to enjoy being single for the freedom it gives but I totally understand your situation and was in a similar place for a long time.

You have a good positive outlook on life, I wish I could be like that more often.  I want to keep on hoping to find the right on, but some days it feels like a fairy tale.  So in the mean time I've decided to just focus on getting a new career and better myself.  Like you said I should focus on my "life movie."  Thank you for your advice and support.

On 10/7/2017 at 1:49 PM, Firefly 35 said:

I know what you mean.  I know several short people who are some of the nicest people I know, so I don't understand why anyone should judge you for that.  As for finding a psychologist, you might want to try talking with babyqtboy on here or perhaps seeing if your school has a psychologist that's covered under tuition (most of them do, I think).  Anyway, sorry to hear that you're having a rough time and hope things start getting better for you.

I will consider talking to babyqtboy the next time I feel down.  Since making this post I have begun to feel a lot better.  I asked my school about a psychologist, but they don't have anyone on staff that is qualified.  However they said they will try and work with some psychologists in the area about giving me some free sessions through the school.  Thank you for you support and advice.

On 10/7/2017 at 2:28 PM, AbabeBill said:

Don’t lose hope. I know that’s easy to say, but hang in. I’m not short myself, but I’m no stranger to people being jerks about impressions. And keep in mind, if someone can’t see the real height within you, and not just the scale on a tape measure, then you don’t want to be around them. When you want to be with someone, and you feel alone and left out, it is extremely difficult. I felt that way most of my life. It took me quite sometime, till I found someone who was the ONE for me. I got married late, but I’m very happy with my wife, and feel very lucky.  Concentrate on being the best you, you can be, and let people see it. Eventually, someone will see how tall you are. Next thing you know, you’ll be complaining about how tired you are, because the kids don’t sleep through the night. :02_EmoticonsHDcom:

Thank you for your advice and support.  Since making this post I have taken some time to step back and think about what to do next.  I've decided to focus on myself and change my career.  Like you said I want to be the best me I can right now, so that's what I'm going to do.

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Um ... well ... yeah.

I have to say this ... anyone who thinks that physical height matters so much that they're going to blow you away because of it without even giving you a chance is so excruciatingly shallow that you really deserve better than them anyway.

Unfortunately, most of the people in the world ARE excruciatingly shallow.

Hang on in there, though, and believe in yourself. Be the fun guy you know you are (no ... I'm NOT going to make any mushroom jokes at this point) and concentrate on being the person that people want to spend time with rather than the person that people want to get romantic with. Because, you know, romance often grows out of that desire to be with you.

Oh ... and if you don't mind a little self-deprecating humour, you could always buy a step ladder, and when you want to ask someone out you go to great pains to fetch the step ladder first, set it up, then climb a couple of rungs. Then you smile a little self-deprecating smile, say "I felt I had to do that because the last couple of people I have asked this thought that my height was a problem" ... and THEN (their curiosity fully engaged) you ask them out.

The worst that can happen is you get pushed off your ladder ... but I bet it'll make them giggle, and they'll say "I don't think you need a ladder ... come back down to ground level and ask me properly".

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On 10/7/2017 at 2:16 AM, Padded comfort said:

But every single one has told me, "No you're too short".

Maybe you should try women shorter or the same height as you.  Yeah, I know that's a shallow answer.  Also, women who have male relatives that are tall are less likely to want to date a shorter man.  Why?  I don't know.  Perhaps it's in their genes.  But I believe it to be true since the men in my family were tall and I was aware of height, even my own average at around 5' 6" and I wanted to be a little taller.  I can recall someone from my childhood whose father was very tall and his son was on the way shorter side.  He dated and married a woman around his height, I think she was a little bit shorter.  It worked for him. You are going to have to leave the dark side behind you to attract a woman.  Be fun, interesting - this is your way.

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My height is on the short side of what is common for men and on the tall side of what is common for women. Being part of both genders it works for me, but I'm equally unhappy with being at the edges of both groups :whistling: I've always been attracted to tall women, even those taller than me, but it's not important to me. Most guys don't place a huge value on what their appearance means to others while most girls place a high importance on that. The way I see things us to consider what everyone is going to look like when we're 80 years old :oBy then the lesson will be learned by everyone about the low absolute value of appearances versus the high absolute value of the person inside that body B)

If someone doesn't like me for what I look like then I already don't like them for who they are ;) Their loss, not mine :D 

Bettypooh

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On 10/18/2017 at 8:26 AM, ELLIE52 said:

Maybe you should try women shorter or the same height as you.  Yeah, I know that's a shallow answer.  Also, women who have male relatives that are tall are less likely to want to date a shorter man. 

The problem there is finding someone around my height or shorter.  Since I'm so short I've always been smaller than those around me.  Even at work I'm the shortest one there, the short jokes are endless.  At my college it's the same thing.  I wasn't trying to ask out a girl who was way taller than me like I said in my original post.  Lately I've begun to fear the fact that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  I hate what I am and feel like I shouldn't exist.

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Well tall people have their share of difficulties as well.  As a tall person myself, I always hit my head on low hanging lights and cielings if I'm not careful.  The worst is if you hit your head on a chadalier and one of the lights goes out. :Crylol:.  So, it goes both ways.

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2 hours ago, Padded comfort said:

The problem there is finding someone around my height or shorter.  Since I'm so short I've always been smaller than those around me.  Even at work I'm the shortest one there, the short jokes are endless.  At my college it's the same thing.  I wasn't trying to ask out a girl who was way taller than me like I said in my original post.  Lately I've begun to fear the fact that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  I hate what I am and feel like I shouldn't exist.

This makes me sad to read your last statement.  Everyone deserves better than that.  I looked up the average height of women in US last night and it says 5'4", so that being average, there must be someone around your height.  Besides that, not all women are focused on height.  Some are and some aren't.   They want to date someone who makes them feel good, is fun, and loving, and makes them laugh in a good way.  

I used to live in a small town where it seemed many of the girls were shorter than me and some of the boys were shorter than me, so there are many short or shorter people in the world.  At that time, I wanted to be shorter.   Later on is when I wanted to be taller.  It's all relative.  I know you said earlier you were going to focus on your career, but why not additionally focus on trylng to like yourself and being pleasant company.    All the many different expectations we place on ourselves when we are young and you are.  Sometimes we get too intense and need to lighten up some, be gentle to ourselves.

All those people who are joking about this at work, school:  I can tell you I never made fun of anyone's height, large or small.  I don't really understand why they feel a need to do this.  You're going to have to rise above this situation, and make something of yourself.  Focusing on your career change and focusing on what is good about yourself and what is good for you,  make yourself better, and maybe down the road, no not tomorrow,  you may find the pieces falling into place.

I was just talking to one of the girls on the site here last night and she is barely 4'11".  People come in all shapes and sizes, it's just a part of being human.  If you really are beginning to fall in some sort of despair beyond depression, it may be that you need to get a counselor to talk to.

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