babywyatt Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Wyatt was a new ABDL he had just turned 21 he called his girlfriend Ella and asked her to come over because he wanted to show her something he quickly hung up the phone not waiting for a response. He ran to his room and stripped naked and Link to comment
WBDaddy Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You posted this in Critiques and Writers forum, so I presume you are prepared for critique. 1) You have run-on sentences everywhere, starting with your opening - there are four distinct sentences there - "Wyatt was a new ABDL." 1 Link to comment
bbybill Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 you are really harshing his mellow! constructive criticism is ok but writers are as free to choose what they write about as much as readers are free to choose what they want to read. But we don,t have the right to tell someone to stop writing a story because you dont agree with it.. FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE WRITING IF YOU WANT TO. take the criticism with a grain of salt, please Link to comment
WBDaddy Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 10 hours ago, bbybill said: you are really harshing his mellow! constructive criticism is ok but writers are as free to choose what they write about as much as readers are free to choose what they want to read. But we don,t have the right to tell someone to stop writing a story because you dont agree with it.. FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE WRITING IF YOU WANT TO. take the criticism with a grain of salt, please He asked if he should continue and I suggested he start over. This is not the general forum, where critique is verboten. Link to comment
bbybill Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 OK maybe i read it wrong just seemed harsh. If i was wrong i apologize. For me i thought maybe he didnt just realize he was an ABDL as much as he finally let himself believe in what he fought to deny what he didnt understand? Link to comment
WBDaddy Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 48 minutes ago, bbybill said: OK maybe i read it wrong just seemed harsh. If i was wrong i apologize. For me i thought maybe he didnt just realize he was an ABDL as much as he finally let himself believe in what he fought to deny what he didnt understand? 1 Link to comment
Sarah Penguin Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I would like to see more. Link to comment
Sparkiechu Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 You really need to work on your use of grammar. Sent from my SM-P350 using Tapatalk Link to comment
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