From girlfriend to mommy

[babywyatt]

Wyatt was a new ABDL he had just turned 21 he called his girlfriend Ella and asked her to come over because he wanted to show her something he quickly hung up the phone not waiting for a response. He ran to his room and stripped naked and

[Diapers446]

[WBDaddy]

You posted this in Critiques and Writers forum, so I presume you are prepared for critique.

1) You have run-on sentences everywhere, starting with your opening - there are four distinct sentences there - "Wyatt was a new ABDL."

[bbybill]

you are really harshing his mellow! constructive criticism is ok but writers are as free to choose what they write about as much as readers are free to choose what they want to read. But we don,t have the right to tell someone to stop writing a story because you dont agree with it.. FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE WRITING IF YOU WANT TO. take the criticism with a grain of salt, please

[WBDaddy]

10 hours ago, bbybill said:

you are really harshing his mellow! constructive criticism is ok but writers are as free to choose what they write about as much as readers are free to choose what they want to read. But we don,t have the right to tell someone to stop writing a story because you dont agree with it.. FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE WRITING IF YOU WANT TO. take the criticism with a grain of salt, please

He asked if he should continue and I suggested he start over.

This is not the general forum, where critique is verboten.

[bbybill]

OK maybe i read it wrong just seemed harsh. If i was wrong i apologize. For me i thought maybe he didnt just realize he was an ABDL as much as he finally let himself believe in what he fought to deny what he didnt understand?

[WBDaddy]

48 minutes ago, bbybill said:

OK maybe i read it wrong just seemed harsh. If i was wrong i apologize. For me i thought maybe he didnt just realize he was an ABDL as much as he finally let himself believe in what he fought to deny what he didnt understand?

[Sarah Penguin]

I would like to see more.

[Sparkiechu]

You really need to work on your use of grammar.

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