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Is something wrong with me?


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I don't know exactly how this is going to look. I wonder if there is something wrong with me sometimes. I am 28 years old, have never had a relationship once, and can't really even talk about relationships or sex with anyone. People at work are always joking that I'll be happier once I find a girl, but I can't even bring myself to try because of fear of rejection. This is do in large part to being a DL, brony, and honestly, and fear of having sex if that time came. I feel like I can't even talk to women, often times I start stuttering and stumbling over my words even if I'm talking with people I trust. I get frustrated with myself when doing this, and that just compounds the problem, and makes it worse. Part of me wants to have a relationship, but the other probably 95% of me is too scared of looking like an idiot. It doesn't seem to help that I very rarely drink alcohol, and so I've never had a desire to go to a bar, or even worse for me, a strip club. Sometimes I want to take my knives to myself, but stop because I have very little pain tolerance. Even with that, I do like to bleed, and if I have a cut or something I like to watch the blood come out.I don't know why exactly, but it seems like it calms me down or something. I do what I can to put myself into a happy head space, which usually involves a handful of things. The main things I do to calm down are watch My Little Pony (either episodes or fan videos), go bowling (usually once a week at league), go fishing (also not often), or go to the gun range (seldom since ammo is expensive).

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I have experienced one accidental discharge- mine was a cap-and-ball replica and luckily it only hurt my pride. Hopefully you have learned the lesson why you treat every gun as if it is loaded, no exceptions allowed ever ;) Also like you I wasn't seeking sex at that age, My one experience wasn't what I'd expected and it wasn't important to me anyway. Later on in life I discovered why, but really there's nothing to fear about this. We all stumble when we begin a new path so if you want to go there just do it and maybe ask advice from someone with more experience on how to go forward.

Speaking with a counselor or therapist might help you get through this. You don't yet see how this world works and that kind of wisdom only comes with time and personal experience. I was in my late 30's before I got my head straight and now I see where I should have done that sooner. Yoiu can have the life you want but you have to make it happen- it will not happen otherwise. Life can be good bit only if you live it :).

Bettypooh

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  • 1 month later...

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