Has anyone felt like this?

[XyXy]

I live with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. We met on Diapermates or some such site, and it really started around diapers, not love. We actually met 8 years ago, dated and broke up twice, and now have dated and lived together for the last 3.

[Elfy]

Honestly... Maybe try couples therapy otherwise I'm not sure what to say. You seem to be together out of habit at this point, dare I even suggest he might be using you for a free ride? You are a disabled veteran and he gave up his job to look after you... I couldn't say that for sure.

Things like drinking too much and smoking too much indicate that you aren't happy, you said as much, and it seems that you realise that you aren't finding your current life fulfilling.

You mentioned a lack of proper intimacy or sex, that can be down to a lot of reasons but a lot of them lead to unhealthy relationships.

The main thing for relationships though, is the ability to communicate. It is the most important thing. If you haven't already, I suggest you both sit down and discuss the issues at hand. The excess drinking, the arguing, the lack of sex, the lack of proper time together that isn't spent ignoring each other... If you haven't already, you really need to talk to him and see if you can both make changes to make things better. It's why therapy may be a good idea, it can teach you how to communicate with each other, not talk to each other, but really communicate your thoughts and feelings.

There may be individual things here as well... Drinking a lot either alone or with friends, as well as gaining weight, having a lot of "lazy days", loss of interest in sex... It could all be symptoms of depression which can eat away at relationships if left unnoticed or unchecked.

Ultimately though, if the spark between you both is gone... You really have a choice between the status quo which doesn't seem to be making you happy, or letting go and moving on. I won't say what you should do because it's obviously really hard... Either way, talking and therapy could still reignite the fire and would be preferrable to try first, imo.

Gopod luck with whatever you choose though and let us know what happens

[DaddyAtlas]

I did this with a girl that moved to be with me, not so much the addictions or verbal abuse, but the growing distance. I tried to ride it out even though we began to barely took interest in one another. We used each other as crutches, each in our own complicated way. Really what we should have done was cut our losses and end it sooner rather than later when it finally came crashing down. The thing is, if you're unhappy, change it. Chances are there won't be a change that makes that happen. And yeah, therapy, lots of it. I suggest that for everyone, regardless of their situation.

[foreverdl]

On 5/2/2017 at 3:06 PM, XyXy said:

I live with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. We met on Diapermates or some such site, and it really started around diapers, not love. We actually met 8 years ago, dated and broke up twice, and now have dated and lived together for the last 3.

[XyXy]

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling better today, even though not much has changed. I did start trying to hug each other several times a day, and try to give each other massages more often. It helps, physical touch is important, and I am aware that I learned from my busy single mom to be rather cold and aloof. So intawmacy does not come natural to me, but maybe I can make it a habit.

[Jayme]

Thank you for your service. There aren't enough people that say this.

I'm glad you are doing better. Yes physical touch is very important. You always have someone you can talk to and I cannot stress that enough. Please don't ever take the final out, that relates to the Big Chicken Dinner in the measure of life. I don't care if you have to message me directly. I will always take the time to talk to a fellow Veteran. I can understand the desire to have children and the heart wrenching pain of not being able to. There may be the potential for love in yur relationship still, however ypu both have to cultivate the love that is there first. Please keep us in the loop as to what's going on, there are plenty here who care about you.

[nitewets]

If you haven't shared this post with your partner, you have your answer.