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Almanac

Boyfriend is a DL, need advice

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My boyfriend of almost 3 years informed me in the beginnings of our relationship that he had a "thing" for diapers. He explained that he simply likes the way that they feel, but it was also sexual for him. Not until recently did we speak on the subject again, where he explained further that it's something that he will never grow out of and asked if he could wear one to bed while I was around.

While I didn't lash out or treat him poorly because of this, I did admit that it made me feel kind of weird. I told him that I love him and that I'm trying my best to understand, but to see him in a diaper would be infantilizing; something that would ultimately ruin our sexual relationship on my side. He doesn't mess in his diapers, he's just sleeping in them. 

I'm just trying to gain some perspective in how to best support him, and to become more comfortable with his DL side. Will I need to participate for him to be fulfilled? How do others make their relationships work when one partner is a DL and the other is not? Is it at all possible for him to feel fulfilled without my participation? The last thing that I want is for this to be something that he feels he needs to hide from me.

Thanks!

 

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Hi Almanac, I applaud your trying to get a handle on an understanding of this. It's not easy for either of you, I'm sure. Lot depends on each of you, and what you really expect from the other. You've been together for quite some time, so I imagine you have much you like about each other. This should be a good thing, because it sounds like you could get along with the diapers being a separate thing for him. But, if he expects more from you, and wants you to participate, and you will not, that could be a rift. If you really have a problem seeing him in diapers, at bedtime, and there can be no compromise, this too will be a problem. How about, if he made sure to wear pajamas pants, or shorts over his diapers to bed? This is where you really need to talk, and reach common ground. You need to come half way and understand his need to wear them somehow, and he needs to respect your feelings, and not have it in your face. Like covering them up. This will take work, for the both of you to find a good place for you both. Listen to each other's feelings. Try and accept, it feels good for him, and I'm sure it's important to you, that he does feel good. The same goes for him too, he needs to have you be where, you feel good. 

In time, you might become ok with seeing the diapers on him, who knows? There are a lot of things we get use to, with time. I can't really take a page from my self, because my wife is ok with my diapers, she likes it and is experimenting with them now herself. I'm lucky, and thankful for that. I hope you can get past this, and be stronger for it, good luck, and I also hope some of what I said can be helpful to you.

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I would say you should go to understanding.infantilism.org for a good primer on this subject, that aside I think communication is key here, you need to be comfortable with certain aspects of it as well as your boyfriend being allowed to express himself, its something you need to work together to find what works, what doesn't and when it works or doesn't. I think you will find that if you can understand and if you can possibly involve yourself with the level you feel comfortable, you will find that his love and devotion to you will deepen, because he is allowing you into the deepest depths of himself, as far as the sexual side hopefully you can see past the diaper and focus on the inner person, good luck to you he is a very lucky young man to have such a wonderful gf.

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On 4/17/2017 at 0:41 PM, Almanac said:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years informed me in the beginnings of our relationship that he had a "thing" for diapers. He explained that he simply likes the way that they feel, but it was also sexual for him. Not until recently did we speak on the subject again, where he explained further that it's something that he will never grow out of and asked if he could wear one to bed while I was around.

While I didn't lash out or treat him poorly because of this, I did admit that it made me feel kind of weird. I told him that I love him and that I'm trying my best to understand, but to see him in a diaper would be infantilizing; something that would ultimately ruin our sexual relationship on my side. He doesn't mess in his diapers, he's just sleeping in them. 

I'm just trying to gain some perspective in how to best support him, and to become more comfortable with his DL side. Will I need to participate for him to be fulfilled? How do others make their relationships work when one partner is a DL and the other is not? Is it at all possible for him to feel fulfilled without my participation? The last thing that I want is for this to be something that he feels he needs to hide from me.

Thanks!

 

 

I too applaud you for taking steps to understand your boyfriend's desires for diapers. Wearing diapers for some is no different than a woman wanting to wear sexy lingerie under her Bobby Brooks slacks. Now mind you many women feel threatened by a man seeming less than a man, because he's wearing a diaper, but has the sexual activity diminished at all since he started wearing to bed? If not, look at them as disposable underwear, puffy and noisy. To test the waters and explore if it's sexual, get frisky with him while he's diapered. If this leads to a nice love making session, he's just a diaper lover and enjoys wearing them for comfort. Now, if on the other hand, you get a rise, more than he usually supports when you are fooling around, you may have a little more than a diaper lover. If he's not using the diaper at this time, offer to allow him to. Tell him you'd think it would be cute to change him. See if he does or does not. It's a way to test the waters so to speak.

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Almanac, I can completely understand your frustration and fears. He was honest when he told you at the start of your relationship that he has a desire for diapers. What said here is how I explained it to my fiancee, before I was injured. FIRST this toes not apply to everyone, I use the Royal We in meaning here. It all goes back to how we were raised. We always heard that diapers are for babies. We could have been shamed out of diapers by our peers, other adults, or whatever. For some of us it's a need of comfort or security if not both. As for others it can be a thrill to do something that's considered taboo by Society and the perceived "Normal". All I can say is speak to him and try to keep an open mind.

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