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Funny Useless Superpowers


Funny Useless Superpowers  

48 members have voted

  1. 1. What should the next funny yet useless superpower be for one of my characters in my story? :) (Blossom in Lowell's Little Lessons)

    • Your presence makes nearby corn grow slightly faster and larger
      5
    • The ability to turn any potted plant into a meat product
      6
    • The ability to change goose down pillows into memory foam and vice versa
      1
    • The ability to win any internet message board argument
      13
    • The ability to always know when goose is about to come in Duck Duck Goose
      5
    • You can misspell any word at any time and no one ever notices
      10
    • The ability to perfectly mimic the sound of any animal having sex
      8
    • The ability to make Toxic by Brittany Spears get stuck in anyone’s head
      12
    • The ability to look at anyone and know if they’ll have a bicurious phase and when it will be
      7
    • You are the person that Dora is talking to. She can’t do anything until YOU in particular tell her what to do. But Swiper can’t hear you.
      11
    • The ability to know what time it is by asking someone what time it is and then after they check you know before they tell you
      4
    • The ability to make a barista write anyone's name wrong on a Starbucks' cofee cup
      12


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Mommy's writing the next chapter in her series, Lowell's Little Lessons, and wants to give one of her characters, Blossom (the Mommy figure in the story) a funny yet useless superpower. Vote and I'll pick the most popular one from here and tumblr to be in the story! :)

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  • 3 months later...

The problem here is I have communication difficulties because of my Autism, so I am never sure if what I am saying / typing is being understood by the person listening / reading to / what I have said / typed.

So I have a tendency to talk in technical terminology and explain myself in detail.

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  • 1 year later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 11 months later...

The ability to turn pasta of any shape into a material that is superconductive -- In a 50,000 degree environmnet

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The ability to shape-shift into any cliche that is mentioned

From my short story from 1973 "Metamorphosis II"

[Feeling the effects of a long and very active night]

My friend [named in the story] came over and said "Well, you look bright eyed and bushy tailed". Glancing into the nearby mirror, conveniently placed there by the writer, I saw that two 6-volt flashlight bulbs had replaced my eyes and I had indeed grown a squrrel's tail...

... Still on very low power, I visited the office of one of my previous instructors. She said "What happened to you?! You look..."
"Don't say it!!"
"...dead"

This later (1978) evolved into the SPACE: 1999 parody "Revenge of the Dorcons" in which, the Dorcons (a race who preyed on Maya's people, Psychons, to attain immortality which had been the subject of an actual episode) beam into Maya a case of "Galactic Dysentery" Which causes the aforementioned response in Psychons. Well, after having Maya turn into every cliche in the book, and some that aren't:

(SECEN Main Missions; KOENIG thumbs down the button on the radio)

KOENIG: Awshuks. I've found a weakness in your defense screens and am sending 3 ships to attack you
AWSHUKS: You wouldn't dare!
KOENIG: Oh no?!: LAUNCN EGALES!
(MAYA turns into a huge bald eagle, flying around the set smashing everything in a wonderful display of special effects)
KOENIG: What the f...
Awshuks: I rigged my defense screens to look like that just to get you to give that order; on THIS show, THAT is a cliche

Dr. Helena Russell finds what she thinks is the cure. This is the final scene:

(SCENE: Main Missson; KOENIG, ALAN TONY. ENTER: HELENA, MAYA)

DR RUSSELL "Well, I've cured her. I had a gallon of Deus Ex Machina antibiotic, also stolen from STAR TREK laying around and that did the trick"
MAYA: Oh, was that it? Hot sh..!"

(KOENIG, HELENA, ALAN and TONY turn into steaming piles of...)

Now the real kicker; on 13, Sept, 1999, I spend the evening chatting with a Trangender I met at TGGuide named Maya, as whe watched the moon not leave its orbit
 

 

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On 10/7/2017 at 12:50 PM, Spiderman said:

The ability to turn other people into looney toons characters.

So THAT is what happened to square_duck! You turned him into Daffy and he became despicable!

On 7/15/2016 at 12:19 AM, barnburner said:

i alrady mispel werds ad dnot car if peopel knwo

That explains what I see when I vist your profile: A line out the door, around the corner and 3 miles down the street; all wearing "Big Bad Bully" t-shorts

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On 10/5/2017 at 7:44 AM, rusty pins said:

I'd have the power to make one of my old bosses wet and poop in his pants whenever I felt like doing it, and have him immediately think of me and

Part of this was lost.  What I meant to say is, I'd have the power to make one of my old bosses wet and poop in his pants whenever I felt like doing it, and have him immediately think of me and know I was the reason he wet and messed his pants for all the bullcrap he did to me only because he wanted to promote his golfing buddy into the job that was supposed to go to me instead. 

I'd like to have the ability to know everything in the world that ever happened on an ongoing basis.  For example, if I wanted to know what the Pope had for breakfast on April 29th 2015, I would think that question and immediately know.  If I wanted to know who killed Jimmy Hoffa and where he is, I would just think of it and immediately know who did it, what day, what time, how they did it, what they said, where he's buried, whatever.  If anyone wanted proof, I would also know where there is proof of who did it, what that proof was, where to find it and how to get it admissible in a court of law.  If 2 years from now someone comes up with a new cure for cancer, I would immediately know it, how it came about, what the cure is, how it's done, etc.  If Joe Smith in Walla Walla Washington went looking for a new car on Tuesday December 12th 2013, I'd know what time he left the house, where he went, what cars he looked at all by just thinking I'd want to know that information.  Selective like a huge recorder or computer in my mind with everything anyone has ever done or known throughout history ready to be known and recalled by me just by me wanting to know it.

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This has some wonderful SCP implication

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=scp

SCP object 8350 classified Euclid. Rusty pin

SCP Object 8350 is a rusty diaper pin from the mid to late 20th Century that, when asked a fact, event or person causes to appear before the questioner a  20 volume encyclpedia, with vol 32 being an 800 page index

http://www.scp-wiki.net/about-the-scp-foundation

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Winning internet arguments - would that mean actually changing their minds? Because if so, that actually sounds really powerful. Just start an online argument and you can convince anyone to believe anything!

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  • 4 years later...
On 3/27/2016 at 10:09 PM, MommyPaige said:

Mommy's writing the next chapter in her series, Lowell's Little Lessons, and wants to give one of her characters, Blossom (the Mommy figure in the story) a funny yet useless superpower. Vote and I'll pick the most popular one from here and tumblr to be in the story! 

Your power could be that you can appear in the dreams of the babies you have interacted with 

On 7/20/2016 at 2:32 AM, dr_sepheroth said:

The problem here is I have communication difficulties because of my Autism, so I am never sure if what I am saying / typing is being understood by the person listening / reading to / what I have said / typed.

So I have a tendency to talk in technical terminology and explain myself in detail.

I'm just called long winded lol

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  • 1 month later...

The ability to turn any undersireable foodstuff, such as liver, watercress,  shredded wheat or blood pudding into a dustbunny of the same size and mass

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