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Stop Defining Others


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Beatles songs are such a part of the culture that there's no way you haven't heard one.

Specifically listened to one...that's something else again, and probably what you meant.

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This is quite a fascinating thread because it addresses two issues - one of pigeon-holing people and the other - as expressed by Brian - of the reality of classifications nonetheless.

I speak from a position of experience where we have been roundly accused of putting people into boxes. Of course, that has been 99% from people who have never read a word of anything we have written and simply make up accusations!

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4 minutes ago, BabyWendyMarie said:

Everyone has a different level of emotional maturity. The problem is not the label itself, but how we are using the label. If we use the label in a way that puts others down, we deserve to be isolated from the community, same as any other anti-social behavior. That's how society has governed itself for a long time. If we don't like the way a label is being used, even if it's being used in what might appear to be a non-threatening, non-judgmental way, we need to put our label radar up because it's worth paying attention to, just like the part of the message that we might call the content of the message.

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Rosalie

Being "right" matters quite a bit to me...but, as an engineer supporting people in the field, the "right" I chase is the actual truth of a situation -- I can say "it sounds like X", or "Y would explain that", but I also invite people to prove me wrong.

I don't think it is the abuse or depression that raises the standard of posts here on DD, although both of those things are all-too-common amongst DD members.

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Life and people in particular often cannot be clearly defined and there's a lot more to it than just finding one's self. Respect for others is one of the most important things we have to learn in order to function as a society and that respect has to allow for disagreement with others. That tolerance of other opinions is an extension of that respect. If I label someone as a moron, that does not mean that everyone (or even a majority of people) will agree with my assessment. And there may be morons which I don't think are morons too. Most of us understand in our own way what a moron is so using that label simply helps communicate that concept, but it never defines without exception which is the essence what we're looking at here.

With the huge diversity of people you cannot define without exception without erring in that process, save only for the most inclusive and general aspects of humanity. Labels can help us find ourself. Labels can help us find others. Labels cannot exactly define anyone nor should we try to make them do that. Rather we should accept the exceptions to our own definitions and try to understand one another as the correct way forward. If we decide to expand or slim down our own definitions that's fine as long as we don't try to force others into following suit. Attempting to divide people, even if just to categorize them, always creates friction that marginalizes somebody and that in itself causes more problems than it solves. In this case we've got people trying to do just that and they protest because it marginalizes them in ways which they do not like, just the same as when they marginalize someone else. And they fail to see the hypocrisy in that.

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19 hours ago, rosalie.bent said:

This is quite a fascinating thread because it addresses two issues - one of pigeon-holing people and the other - as expressed by Brian - of the reality of classifications nonetheless.

I speak from a position of experience where we have been roundly accused of putting people into boxes. Of course, that has been 99% from people who have never read a word of anything we have written and simply make up accusations!

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See you are saying it's a fetish by simply admitting it's a compulsion to wear/love diapers. You get so caught up in a word that you assume is negative. Fetishes don't have to be sexual. That's a fact. Fetish is define by unusual attraction to an object. What you are saying is that you have is a fetish.

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2 hours ago, AwakenEvil said:

See you are saying it's a fetish by simply admitting it's a compulsion to wear/love diapers. You get so caught up in a word that you assume is negative. Fetishes don't have to be sexual. That's a fact. Fetish is define by unusual attraction to an object. What you are saying is that you have is a fetish.

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We are still talking about labels for people?

Can we just stop? I think we all know that the human brain puts people in categories as soon as we see them because it is trained to immediately assess if someone is a potential ally or foe. But that is a subconscious process and we don't need to make it a conscious one, especially not when referring to other people when it is clear that everyone as slightly different parameters for who is what. Whether you have argued that it is a fetish (something people including me have done) or it isn't a fetish (something others have done) is all down to personal point of view and if someone says it is a fetish then it is, if they say it isn't then it isn't. They are all just words that mean different things to different people. I have been just as guilty as anyone else in arguing about it before but it is pointless because everyone has a different definition of things in their minds and most aren't particularly inclined to change just because someone on the internet disagree, in fact, for some people having people who disagree just make you more set in your own way of thinking. So the argument always becomes one of semantics and of small things that mean different things to different people. Similar to things like religion and politics, the only way someone will change their mind on it is if they decide to rather than anything anyone else says.

We should all stop being so self-centred and thinking that what we think has any effect on other people, or that any of us are going to change the way things are seen by others.

Just have your way of thinking, accept that others see things differently and will not change their minds unless they want to (and on the internet, chances are they don't want their minds changed), and just accept it. I'm tired of seeing it, and I'm tired of being a part of it.

Even this threads discussion now is veering back towards the definition of words which is one of the reasons this thread was made in the first place. So how about we all just read the first post, and just stop talking about it and move on with our lives.

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So yes, Baby Brian has a fetish. Well so do I. Any negative connotations which go along with that are created by a society who all have a fetish (or something similar) of their own, be it a guy who likes girls in bikinis or a girl who likes a young man in a Speedo. The negative connotations happen because people are too embarrassed to discuss the matter and settle it. Attractions to an object are entirely normal as is having differing degrees of attraction. And these things can change over time becoming stronger or weaker or leading to other things which overtake the original fetish. Like Elfking, I see no need to try to exactly define it or to try to fit people into a pigeonhole. Nor do I intend to offend or define when I speak of "the ABDL community" as a way of providing focus and understanding without getting too wordy.

I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones in my actually needing diapers but it didn't start out that way. This has made it far easier for me to understand that there are no labels or descriptions which are exact, only some generalizations which don't apply to everyone. Nobody can define me and nobody can define you either, not even yourself. You too will change over time just as everyone else does. Life is dynamic so just go with it and live it without worrying about labels or definitions and see the people as the individuals they we all are.

Bettypooh

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13 minutes ago, BabyWendyMarie said:

I wish it were always that simple, but it's not. People are ultimately animals and resort to doing mean things to other people. We have the advantage of having a brain so we can solve such problems. Best to use one's brain, rather than live in a world where the bullies always get their way. Or haven't you ever been bullied?

I've been bullied quite a bit, until i stood up for myself. It used to be real bad for me actually.

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47 minutes ago, Baby Brian said:

Actually a fetish IS

Edited by Christine Daryleanne
additional material
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