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xander.williams

Asexuality

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So the reason I've been thinking about this is because I've been getting so much pressure from family and friends to date more. I brought up this issue with a friend of mine the other night, and he basically suggested that because I do experience arousal that I am not asexual. That is of course a reaction out of ignorance, but what bothered me more was the not so subtle accusation that I'm making an excuse.

I don't know what it is about carnal activities, but it drives some people to distraction if you do not partake in them and they do. If you're not drinking at a party, everyone wants to know why. You're not chasing cheap sex with near strangers, and there must be something wrong with you.

It pisses me off to no end! I don't find sex appealing. I don't know why. I don't especially care. And other people need to stop trying to care on my behalf. I do not need to be fixed!

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Screw what other people think- and especially screw what they think is right for you :bash: They are not you and I'll bet you can point to their many failures to prove the point. One of my biggest b!tches in life is when people want to do my thinking for me- they can't even think well for themselves so I'm sure as he!! not going to let them do my thinking for me :roflmao: I hope this is not insulting to you for that is not my intent at all, but it seems to me that whover these people are they aren't smart enough to have very close to you in life and if I were you I'd be putting some distance between me and them. I've got a Mom and sister like that and neither one is allowed to delve into any of my personal matters anymore.

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Wakko,

sometime when you get to know someone well in person, ask what signals you are giving off...or be blunt about it at some point: "why do you say THAT????"

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At the age of 28, I am still a virgin, and while I do have a sex drive, it is not outwardly focussed. I've been wondering if I may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

I very rarely find someone so attractive that I want to sleep with them, but I do find women attractive. I think with a strong enough emotional connection I would feel a sexual draw, but the thought of sex isn't much of a turn on.

Part of me also wonders whether the issue isn't sex but vanilla sex that doesn't interest me.

Anyone else considered whether they might be asexual?

Well, whatever you decide you are, you have a family here on this forum that accepts you as you are Xander.

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I have always had a very low sex drive and have never been 100% comfortable with sex. I do consider myself Asexual.

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I know that a large part of this in me is because of my Dad, who sexually abused my sisters. I was too young to understand before he died so it was not really an 'issue' with me back then (I simply didn't know or understand at that age). I made the decision before I was 20 that I didn't want kids- perhaps I was afraid they'd turn out like me and I was an awful kid back then :rolleyes: Odd that I like a lot about kids but that in my lack of a full gender I can only relate to them at their level, not as a parent should. Yet I hear universally how good a parent I'd be :whistling: I spent half my life trying to be a 'man' but I was never socially adept or accepted, especially with dating. Luckily my few flings didn't get anyone pregnant :thumbsup: Those 'flings' also showed me that there's nothing in sex that I like other than my own physical release. It's kind of fun but it's not really for me ;) And too I'm not the 'active' or 'dominant' one in the bedroom; again I can play the role but it's not me.

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Wow. Thanks so much for this very informative thread. As this site has done so much for me over the years, it again has made me feel not alone. I guess I can top a lot of you here. I am 31 and still a virgin, having never dated, either. I feel like a loser. Like others here, I have had constant prodding from friends and family to date and have sex. I just don't have an interest. I'm not sure how I should be classified (perhaps somebody can help -- please!). I do find women attractive, some very much so. I have fantasized about being with girls, but rarely about having sex with them. I do want to be "in a relationship," but more to be loved and have a deep emotional bond with somebody. I also want kids of my own someday.

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From an outside perspective, there's no difference between going out with a friend and dating. The only difference lies in the intended ending and that is something personal you don't have to share ;) So make some girl friends (not "girlfriends") and do something together with them. That should help shut some of the family up <_<

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If I may ask a related question:

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If I may ask a related question:

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I am a long term (over 40 years) depressed

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I just spent four days with my brother on a short trip, and our conversations got pretty deep. When he brought up dating again, I very nearly told him that I just don't have that desire.

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Kayleekat:

Let me pull out my Brother? lablemaker, and print out "autoerotic" as possibly being the right label -- not terribly interested in sex with a partner.

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32 and virgin

Never had a girlfriend, never kissed

Had some hugs...

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32 and virgin

Never had a girlfriend, never kissed

Had some hugs...

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Married for three years and still a virgin by choice. I consider myself grey asexual because while I am not attracted to sex, I am very attracted to diapers.

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Hmmm..........I'm kind of take it or leave. What I really need from my wife is that cuddling and that loving touch............

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I'm an asexual fetishist. (A category that sounds like it applies to a couple others in this thread.)

Not exactly ABDL, but more dominant mind control incontinence devotee? I'm still trying to figure out the best way to describe what turns me on.

But anyway, sex is a turn-off, and I'm not attracted to people (I'm attracted to situations), so I still count as ace.

I'm also aromantic, though I really want a queerplatonic partner (a friend and life partner

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I’m actually asexual and have never experienced sexual attraction my whole life. I’m biromantic and even think sex might be more fun with kinks involved, but it’s still isn’t my thing even though I would love to have romance.

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