can someone stop being an AB/DL?If yes, how?

[mike indiapers]

Well said Newguy.  This is great advice and something I have experienced myself as a life long ABDL.  It took me many years to accept this part of me and I am now at peace with it and happy about the person I am as an ABDL.  It does not mean you can’t experience the other joys of life, but just something wired inside yourself that makes you whom you are inside.  Just don’t let it overwhelm nor occupy your life beyond the balance of what it deserves.  Have it enhance your finest attributes and not get in the way of relationships and intimacy with others.  

[rusty pins]

People can quit but it is extremely hard to do.  You really have to want it and go cold turkey.  That doesn't mean some of the desires won't always be with you, it just means people can learn to push those feelings deep down and not act upon them.  It takes will power.  Most of us are here because we enjoy wearing diapers even though sometimes we wonder what the hell w're doing.  Some embrace it fully and don't care who knows.  Some are way in the closet.  I know when I haven't worn for a few month's, such as when I had a knee replacement the desires have really dropped off.  The repetitiveness of doing it day after day or even a few times a week keeps the interest really burning.  If you don't do something for a while, the interest does wane.  You find other interests and activities to keep you occupied and your mind off of diapers.  Yes, this is a fetish and nearly impossible to get rid of, but if you really want to do it and are dedicated to stopping, you can do it the same as you can give up drinking, smoking or doing drugs.  It's fine for people to say, "Just don't worry about it, be honest with yourself and your desires and just do it and accept yourself for who you are".  Fine for them, but if you are trying to quit and really want to quit, that's bad advice!  It's like a thief who is trying to go straight and someone discourages them by telling them, "You are a thief and always will be one.  Don't try to stop stealing, just keep on stealing things because that's who you are".  Same as someone in the forums asking if people know a way they can stop wetting the bed and someone saying, "Just don't worry about it and wear your diapers".  No offence, but if they just wanted to wear their diapers and wet the bed, THEY WOULDN'T BE ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY KNEW WAYS TO STOP!  Same for someone who wants to know if someone can stop wearing diapers.  They don't want people to say, "Just don't worry about it and proudly wear your diapers", they want to know if there is a way they can stop.  That is the bottom line.  It can be done, people have done it but it's hard, you really have to want it and you really have to dedicate yourself to give up diapers, just like giving up smoking or stopping drug usage.

[NewGuy20]

Mike indiapers, I seem to recall a conversation where you mentioned that you are married and have a partner that accepts you. It seems like you are living proof that ABDLs can have an enjoyable, fulfilling marriage and love life while embracing their ABDL side. 

 

Rusty pins, I respectfully but strongly disagree with ANYONE who claims that it is possible to 'quit' being ABDL. (That was the specific question asked by Chris24) I also think its extremely misleading for anyone on these boards to ever suggest that it is possible to quit. It gives false hope to ABDL people that may already be struggling with depression or anxiety surrounding their fetish.

You stated the following: "People can quit but it is extremely hard to do ... That doesn't mean some of the desires won't always be with you" This is a blatant contradiction. If a person has ABDL desires, then the person has not 'quit' being ABDL at all. Of course, we know that it is possible to physically get rid of ABDL items like diapers, pacifiers, stuffed animals, etc. With a great deal of self discipline, it is possible to refrain from purchasing or acquiring these items in the future. But that is NOT the same as 'quitting' being an ABDL because these fantasies and desires are hardwired into our brains. Chris24 asked whether it is possible to 'quit' being ABDL. The answer is NO. It is not possible to quit being an ABDL. You already conceded that point when you acknowledged "some of the desires will always be with you". 

In much the same way, it is not possible for someone to 'quit' being a homosexual. Saying otherwise can give false hope to individuals struggling with their sexual orientation. However, it certainly IS possible for gay people to refrain from having sex with members of the same gender as themselves. But gay people who try to live their lives as straight people typically struggle with a great deal of anxiety and depression that results in failed or unhappy marriages and sex lives with their spouses that are either boring or non-existent. There is also often infidelity when the gay person finally gives in to their desires and has sex with a member of the same gender. Ultimately, such relationships are not fulfilling and they end in divorce. So it would not factually accurate to tell a gay person that they can 'quit' being gay. Furthermore, it would not be very good advice to tell a gay person that with a lot of hard work, they can lead a happy and healthy life as a straight person if they simply refrain from having sex with other gay people.

 

[mike indiapers]

NewGuy, good of you to remember our conversations, and yes I am married, but my partner is more of a reluctant supporter of my abdl needs and diaper desires.  I say reluctant because after many years of keeping it to myself, I finally told her and it didn’t go well the first time.  I continued to wear diapers in private, yet felt I was being dishonest to our marriage.  My therapist encouraged me to reenage the subject with her and be open about my needs to wear diapers, which I did during one of our joint sessions.  My wife told me she loved me regardless of my diapers, but still would rather I don’t wear around her or pull her into my abdl lifestyle needs.  We have a don’t ask, don’t tell type of arrangement now, which I struggle with and at some point want to bring to a head for a more open compromise.  I am a realist and don’t expect nor want my wife to do things beyond her comfort zone, yet wearing diapers is a part of me that I need to foster and practice.  I worry that pushing too hard changes our positive relationship in a negative way, ie. she has told me that seeing me in diapers as a baby is a turn off and I don’t want it disrupting our healthy sex life or interfering with our intimacy together.  I have heard lots of examples of where an abdl in a partnership relies on diapers as a form of intimacy in the bedroom making the other partner feel like a third wheel or less desirable.  This is not what I ever want, and my wife has not taken the initiative herself, which tells me she likes where things are with us and my diapers for now.  I am hoping for resolution someday and for my wife to more fully embrace my ABDL needs and desires. I hope this clears up my ABDL lifestyle within our marriage - which I sum up as coexisting, but not great.  

[rusty pins]

For the record, there have been people here who have quit.  Completely.  Yes, it can be done.  Do we hear about it a lot?  No, most likely because once someone quits, they no longer come here to the diaper sites because they have quit and don't want the temptations.  It is a fact that people have quit the AB/DL lifestyle.  True. No question about it.  Yes, people can quit if they put their mind to it, just like alcoholics have become sober and drug addicts have kicked the habit.  Disagree if you like, but facts are facts and when someone has quit and has never gone back, that is proof that yes, people can quit. 

[NewGuy20]

Mike indiapers, Thank you for sharing your story. It seems like you have a very healthy attitude about being an ABDL. And while I'm sure its not perfect, it seems like you have a stable marriage too. Like I told Chris24, being an ABDL will almost certainly make dating and marriage more complicated but it doesn't mean that dating and marriage aren't possible! If your goal is to find a partner who accepts you and is okay with you wearing diapers in private, then I think there are lots of possibilities for romantic partners. If your goal is to find a spouse who enthusiastically participates in this fetish with you on a regular basis, that is much less likely. Its POSSIBLE to find such a spouse but its still much less likely. 

Rusty pins, I think our disagreement stems from your use of the word 'quit'. We agree that it is possible for an ABDL person to refrain from wearing diapers and remove ABDL items from their home and their life. Once again though, if ABDL thoughts and desires are in your head, you have not 'quit' being an ABDL. You are simply exercising self discipline and self control to prevent yourself from indulging certain sexual desires. 

To use your alcohol analogy, alcoholics cannot 'quit' being alcoholics but they CAN refrain from drinking alcohol. The DESIRE to drink still exists but they do not act upon it. Homosexuals cannot 'quit' being gay but they CAN refrain from having sexual relationships with people of the same sex. (Though because they are gay, their romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex are not healthy or successful) 

ABDL is an acronym that describes thoughts, feelings, and desires that exist in one's brain. It is not possible to completely and totally remove those desires from one's brain. (You yourself already said so in your previous post.) Thus, it is not possible to 'quit' being ABDL. A "Diaper Lover" who does not wear or use diapers is still a "Diaper Lover" because the term itself refers to a sexual and psychological DESIRE to wear diapers. 

 

[Bettypooh]

On 12/4/2018 at 9:15 PM, NewGuy20 said:

Mike indiapers, I seem to recall a conversation where you mentioned that you are married and have a partner that accepts you. It seems like you are living proof that ABDLs can have an enjoyable, fulfilling marriage and love life while embracing their ABDL side. 

 

Rusty pins, I respectfully but strongly disagree with ANYONE who claims that it is possible to 'quit' being ABDL. (That was the specific question asked by Chris24) I also think its extremely misleading for anyone on these boards to ever suggest that it is possible to quit. It gives false hope to ABDL people that may already be struggling with depression or anxiety surrounding their fetish.

You stated the following: "People can quit but it is extremely hard to do ... That doesn't mean some of the desires won't always be with you" This is a blatant contradiction. If a person has ABDL desires, then the person has not 'quit' being ABDL at all. Of course, we know that it is possible to physically get rid of ABDL items like diapers, pacifiers, stuffed animals, etc. With a great deal of self discipline, it is possible to refrain from purchasing or acquiring these items in the future. But that is NOT the same as 'quitting' being an ABDL because these fantasies and desires are hardwired into our brains. Chris24 asked whether it is possible to 'quit' being ABDL. The answer is NO. It is not possible to quit being an ABDL. You already conceded that point when you acknowledged "some of the desires will always be with you". 

In much the same way, it is not possible for someone to 'quit' being a homosexual. Saying otherwise can give false hope to individuals struggling with their sexual orientation. However, it certainly IS possible for gay people to refrain from having sex with members of the same gender as themselves. But gay people who try to live their lives as straight people typically struggle with a great deal of anxiety and depression that results in failed or unhappy marriages and sex lives with their spouses that are either boring or non-existent. There is also often infidelity when the gay person finally gives in to their desires and has sex with a member of the same gender. Ultimately, such relationships are not fulfilling and they end in divorce. So it would not factually accurate to tell a gay person that they can 'quit' being gay. Furthermore, it would not be very good advice to tell a gay person that with a lot of hard work, they can lead a happy and healthy life as a straight person if they simply refrain from having sex with other gay people.

 

 

I agree with your take on this in general. But the semantics- that doesn't quite suit me. Not wanting to side-track this, I should explain something about myself. After a large part of my life went into drugs and drinking, I stopped that. I learned the 12 steps stuff AA prescribes, but found myself in silent disagreement with some of it. The main one is "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". So if you stop drinking and never drink again you're still an alcoholic? No freaking way- you can't be an alcoholic unless you drink. I still have alcoholic tendencies, but I am no longer an alcoholic. I've beaten it completely. I know I will never drink again. I am still a proponent of AA but the poor slobs who follow it religiously have been head-screwed into being less than their potential- they will forever see themselves as still being an alcoholic when they aren't; they've created their own limits and cannot ever win because of that. As long as they stay alcohol-free that's a good thing and that's why I don't push my thoughts onto them, but only speak of it here and there when it may cause something good to happen. I was once an alcoholic, but I no longer am One drink changes that But as AA teaches, it's not the quantity drank nor whether you can function normally in life nor the timing of your drinking which makes you an alcoholic-  it is the fact that you are not stopping it and the effect it has on you that makes you an alcoholic. Even when the exact same quantity at the exact same time doesn't make the next person an alcoholic. I had my drinking well under control when I quit, or so I'd thought, but in those last two days I'd been binge drinking which I didn't realize at the time. When I woke the next day and realized what I'd done it became clear to me that I was an alcoholic, and controlled drinking wasn't going to work for me. I had to stop completely or it would happen again, and I didn't want that. 

When something is defined by an action it cannot exist without that action being present. If I want to kill an innocent person and go as far as putting a gun to their head and cocking it but not pulling the trigger, am I a murderer? Nope. So we need to understand what words actually mean and use them correctly or we're not going to reach our full potential.

Same as any strong proclivity, being ABDL varies in strength and need in every one of us, but unlike alcohol or drugs this has no unique physical affection involved.This is only in our minds and our psyche, so if you will have continuing thoughts about wearing even after ending the physical wearing, you're still at least somewhat ABDL. We know those thoughts will never stop. And if given an ideal opportunity where nobody else will know and the chance presents itself to wear, we're going to do that, even if we can control our actions of not wearing when it may affect others or be discovered (which is really just affecting others in itself) during all other times So even without wearing, even if you make sure you won't have that ideal (or any other) chance to wear, there's still going to be an ABDL looking back at you in the mirror, just an inactive one, similar to how AA considers us to be when we're in a successful recovery state and no longer drinking. If you never wear a diaper or a substitute, then it can be argued that you're not ABDL but once you've crossed from the mental-only realm into the physical one, it's hard to argue that you're not ABDL anymore if you never wear again

And the level of need comes into play here- some like me must wear as much as is possible, while others need only to wear occasionally. Those with the stronger need will almost never have the ability to stop wearing completely, but those with lower needs might. In both the desire will always remain as will the memories of previous wearing, so the tendency will always be there even if the actual wearing isn't. Whether that stopping makes you a recovering ABDL or someone who no longer is ABDL is hard to say, but what I'm sure of is that our ability to stop borders on being nearly impossible. Very few people have done it, and very few people can. So the best course to take if you don't want to be an ABDL is to never start wearing, and if you've already crossed that line then the best course to take is to control it understanding that you are not going to be able to stop, then maintain that control thereafter. If you fulfill your minimum need you will be able to control it, but if you don't keep it at least at that high of a level it's going to eat you up inside and overwhelm you someday which is a bad thing to have happen So my advice is always going to be to try stopping if you want to, just understand how this works and don't feel like you've failed if you cannot stop. Instead aim to keep it under control if you cannot stop as that's the best way to deal with it.

Bettypooh

[rusty pins]

And as I stated in my original post, "That doesn't mean some of the desires won't always be with you, it just means people can learn to push those feelings deep down and not act upon them".  Yes people can stop but it's very hard and not all that common.  I guess it might be better to state that a person can stop wearing diapers and acting out their AB/DL fantasies and roll play and all, but yes, technically they may still sometimes have those deep down ingrained thoughts of AB/DL that they have to keep buried inside.  Even though it is possible for some people to quit being AB/DL and it has happened, it's more likely that people will be able to stop and give up wearing diapers and their baby play even if they still retain some of the AB/DL desires, even if they never act upon them.  Like Bettypooh mentioned, an alcoholic may still think about a drink once in a while but if they never take that drink, then they are no longer an alcoholic even though the though of taking that drink might come into mind.  Lets say you have recovered from being an alcoholic but you just happen to have to attend a party given by your boss because to do so would be a slight against him.  People are there drinking.  That brings to your mind the idea of having a drink, but because you have recovered from being alcoholic, you do not take that drink even though you have thought about it.  That's where the will power comes in.  You are an AB/DL who has stopped wearing diapers and quit doing your AB play.  You see a commercial on TV for Depends or some other product, especially a couple years ago when Depends had it's "Underwearness" campaign going on and you saw all these people in the commercial walking up and down the streets in Depends underwear.  That may bring those AB/DL urges to light, you just don't act upon them.  Same as if you are out somewhere and see someone carrying their baby who may be wearing just a diaper.  Those feelings may come up but you ignore them and push them back down.  Like Bettypooh said, if you have the desire to take that drink but you don't, does that mean you are an alcoholic?  You may still feel a desire for that drink but that doesn't mean you are an alcoholic.  If you have been an AB/DL in the past and still have the desire now and then to wear a diaper but you don't,  I guess technically you could still be an AB/DL somewhere deep down inside, but if you don't wear them, it may be semantics weather you are AB/DL or not or have quit "being" an AB/DL even if some desires may still be left.  Some desires may still be there, but as the original question has been asked, "Can you stop being an AB/DL?"  It might be how you interpret "Stop", "Quit" or "Being".  If the desires may still be deep down inside you and may always be there but you have quit, stopped and never act upon them again, I would say you have stopped "being" an AB/DL.  Being, acting out, doing it, etc. 

[mike indiapers]

I think it is a matter of balance and emotional well being as to whether one continues to participate or tries to quit an ABDL lifestyle.  Quitting might be physically possible, but it does likely come with other emotional baggage or issues.  A foundational issue is whether ABDL is wrong in the first place, it isn’t wrong just because it is not widely understood or perceived as different.  Being an ABDL should be accepted, and if not understood nor embraced, at least tolerated.  I have tried to “quit” for many years, and it was only when I accepted this side of me that I found true peace.  The next step is trying to navigate my ABDL lifestyle around others in my life where privacy may or may not be an issue.  For me ABDL is a very private matter and not one I need to nor want to cast on others with the exception of my wife’s support.  

[Baby Girl Sarah]

Trying  to   keep back one self's  inner  feelings will only result in one thing   DISASTER  whether  youre a   AB /DL /Little one  /Sissy /   TS /Transgender  Bisexual /homosexual etc...........   the ONLY result that will happen  is that said  feelings will only grow STRONGER   and STRONGER  and STRONGER    and you WILL  sooner then laiter have to face them head  on and try to find a way to accept &  incorporate said  inner  feelings in youre life  somehow   

Im talking from MANY years  of experience in trying to hide my own feelings and who i am and what i am and i KNOW you CANT  win against youre own inner soul . Simple as that                    

[mike indiapers]

22 hours ago, Baby Girl Sarah said:

Trying  to   keep back one self's  inner  feelings will only result in one thing   DISASTER  whether  youre a   AB /DL /Little one  /Sissy /   TS /Transgender  Bisexual /homosexual etc...........   the ONLY result that will happen  is that said  feelings will only grow STRONGER   and STRONGER  and STRONGER    and you WILL  sooner then laiter have to face them head  on and try to find a way to accept &  incorporate said  inner  feelings in youre life  somehow   

Im talking from MANY years  of experience in trying to hide my own feelings and who i am and what i am and i KNOW you CANT  win against youre own inner soul . Simple as that                    

Well said Baby Girl Sarah, and I completely agree with you.  Those feelings will build inside and come back in different forms that may not be good ones.

[Demon-hunter]

You know, you can have both. You can find an awesome wife that very open minded with kinks, another abdl, and a mommy/cargiver. r

It's possible, and your able to have a family still too I believe, just have your abdl gears hidden and locked away in a storage container or safe. In your closet, office, shed, or wherever your kids are not allow to be in ( my plan is to have a mancave/office room in a detached garage or shed, lock the door when im having little time or doing other adult things, then lock the door when I'm done).

If you can't have your abdl time at home, then you can find a nice abdl friend close to you and have your abdl time at there place when ever you need a weekend get away.

And if you raised you kids to be a bit more openminded, they won't be as bugged out of they find out when they are older teen/adults.

and if you want to break from the abdl side you can do that too.

REMEMBER it's all about balance and control

[dlnoir]

I found an item in a medical journal written by psychologists they wrote an essay about infantilism a view years ago. In the essay they made it worth noting that they found no treatments or therapies that helped so called “patients or clients” with their problems. They even found and noted that attempts made to deal with the “patients” problems usually back fired resulting in even bigger emotional problems and anxieties after the attempt, due to an added feeling of failure. On a personal level I never came across a person whom successfully kicked the desire. One can quite for a certain period but the feeling, the longing and desire will always be there, not unlikely resulting in a constant personal battle one you simply cannot win. I know of at least two cases of diaper lovers or adult babies whom were unable to cope with their feelings, desires and not unlikely social and emotional pressure they cracked and ended up taking their own lives. In the end I think one is better off excepting and finding the right balance in their lives and if this includes wearing diapers so be it. it is no crime.

[mike indiapers]

16 minutes ago, dlnoir said:

In the end I think one is better off excepting and finding the right balance in their lives and if this includes wearing diapers so be it. it is no crime.

This is spot on and I wish I would have come to this realization many years ago and saved myself the anxiety and negative feelings of non acceptance of whom I was as an ABDL.  I hid this side of me for so long and now feel compelled to live that balance which includes wearing my diapers and proclaiming myself an adult baby in a way that works in my life.  The balance is still not perfect, and I need more baby time which is not practical given my vanillla life demands at the moment, but it is edging toward what I need.  

[Nat]

There is no way I can stop. When people say they can stop and have stopped, what they mean is they choose to not act on it, that doesn't make them unABDL. Those who have truly stopped were the ones who got into it through their partner and they did it with them and then they broke up and they simply stopped doing it. 

 

I have gone years in my adolescence thinking I won't wear diapers and be into it but I was still secretly going to the websites and reading diaper stories. I thought it was just an interest then. I didn't realize I was a DL until I was 17. But once I started wearing, I couldn't stop. I am married and have two kids now. I wear them 24/7 now and I feel great about it and "normal." My husband is also ABDL and we met here. I don't hide my diapers but I don't flaunt them either. If you were to go into my room, you would have to snoop to find them because I keep my shelf covered with a quilt, I keep some in the closet and behind the sheet I have hung up. Your will mind as well accept it and just wear them and live on with your life. You will feel better about it. Diapers are just another form of underwear. It's just a diaper. Ignore what the haters say about it. 

[le Hollandais]

I've gone through periods, lasting years even, when I suppressed my DL fetish. One can suppress the desire to wear diapers. But at least in my case, it's only suppression, not abandonment. So my response is: Why would anyone want to stop? If it does no harm, nor damage important relationships one can devise ways to be discreet. Discretion may mean only wearing for a few hours a day, or when home alone, or certain days of the week, or week ends only etc. etc.