Bad Jokes

[rusty pins]

A guy is getting ready to have sex with his girlfriend for the first time and they are undressing in the bedroom.  The guy takes off his socks, his girl looks at his feet and says, "What happened to you?"  He replies, "Nothing.  Just a case of Toelio.  I was never vaccinated for it as a child".  He then takes off his pants and his girl looks at him again and says, "What the hell is that?"  He says, "Nothing.  Just a case of kneesils".  When he takes off his underpants his girl looks and says, "Don't tell me.  Small Cocks, right?"

[Firefly 35]

Make sure to keep your English binder closed - you might let in a draft.

[Mars.inDiapers]

Some dude just offered he'd buy me a new iPhone Xs for having sex with him. What the hell does he think, that I'm some kind of a whore? 

Sent from my iPhone Xs via Tapatalk. 

[Apache Raccoon]

Why shouldn’t you have un-protected sex with someone who has a fast, 4-wheel drive Subaru saloon?

Because they might have an STI 

 

[rusty pins]

Three couples wanted to join an ultra conservative church, an elderly couple, a middle age couple and a young couple.  Before joining the had to have a discussion with the minister.

"In order to show your faith, before joining our church you have to abstain from having sex for one full month.  After that, we will meet again"

One month later all three couples meet again with their pastor.  The elderly couple started off the discussion.  "At our age it wasn't any big deal to abstain from sex" to which the pastor replied, "Welcome to the church!"

The next couple, the middle age ones said, "Well, it was hard, pretty hard but we made it the whole month without having sex", to which the pastor again said, "Welcome to our church".

The third couple, the young ones said, "Well, it was very hard, very hard.  We were doing so well for the first two weeks  but one day my wife was bending over the freezer getting a frozen roast out when I just couldn't contain myself", the husband said.  "I grabbed her, ripped her clothes off and we made love right then and there on the floor".  "I'm sorry", the pastor said.  "We won't allow you in our church".

"That's OK', the husband said.  "They won't allow us in WalMart anymore either". 

[tinkersmell]

The  tennis club in my neighbourhood got shut down for racqueteering...

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

What was the net result, and whose fault was it?

[dyperbole]

Let it be -- this serves nothing, love.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

How did it turn out in court?

[Mars.inDiapers]

This set of backhanded puns is really pushing me to a breaking point. 

 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I am OUTTA here: I'm gonna go watch THE B LOB

[DprDJeff]

I watched a program about beavers today. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

[rusty pins]

A show you could really sink your teeth into!

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

"I'll run out and buy one" said Tom, swiftly

[Firefly 35]

If you keep the sync feature on your phone turned on, does that mean it won't float?

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Only if it is sub standard

[Apache Raccoon]

A grizzly bear walked into a bar and says to the barman "I'd like a rum and...........coke please". 

The barman says "Ok, but what's with the big pause?" to which the bear replied "I dunno I guess I was just born with them"

 

 

[Firefly 35]

I decided to start eating more foods with fresh herbs.  Only problem is it is quite thyme consuming.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Did Herb mind your company at dinner? if he did, that explains why he got fresh

[rusty pins]

Two hunters were driving along the road early morning on their way to their hunting spot.  Suddenly there was a road sign that said, "Bear Left" so they turned around and went home.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Saw that one on the TV show about a backwoods nuclear physicist back in the '70's: GRIZZLY ATOMS

[BabyJune]

This one was recently in my Facebook feed: A man and a woman are sitting at a restaurant table. He says, "I'm a politician and I'm honest." The woman says, "And I'm a prostitute and a virgin."

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Trumps anything I've seen

[rusty pins]

A woman sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer please."

"Anheuser Busch?" he asks.

"Fine, and how's your dick?"

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

That takes the Blue Ribbon