Bad Jokes

[Firefly 35]

Why do people eat turkey on thanksgiving?  

Because that is the best thing to gobble gobble down.

[rusty pins]

Why don't guys put stars on their Christmas trees?

Their afraid they will molest their wives and daughters!

[Apache Raccoon]

Which part of a Christmas present should join a Hip-Hop group?

The rapping paper

[Firefly 35]

Why shouldn't you give people diapers as a christmas gift?

Because if they aren't an abdl, it will piss them off!

[Spiderman]

(I hope you like dark humor.  If not I am sorry)

What do you get when Santa crosses the road during rush hour traffic?

Denny's holiday pancakes for only 9.99

[Firefly 35]

What do you get when Santa is messing with the radio while driving his sled?

The song "grandma got run over by a reindeer"!

(No offense to any grandparents out there)

[Apache Raccoon]

My friend has pet rabbits, she carries them with her usually on her shoulders wherever she goes including the other day to the cinema where they went to see a horror film.

It was quite a scary film to, so much so it made the hares on the back of her neck stand on end

 

Like a dork I recently left my fridge/freezer door open and when I came home all the food inside it had gone bad.

Luckily my girlfriend was charitable and donated some food out of her fridge/freezer like  fish fingers and over chips.

But I’m a little concerned and think I should go to a clinic because she gave me her peas to

[Wannatripbaby]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "why the long face?"

The horse replies, "I just realized I'm a metaphysical construct and will cease to exist at the end of this joke."

[Firefly 35]

Why does no one want to join abdl websites in spain?  

Because they all say "Hay que tener 18 anos o mas para registrar"

(You must have 18+ anuses to register)

Any spanish students here will probably get the joke. (años = years   anos = anuses)

[rusty pins]

How many morons does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Two.  One to stir the batter and the other one to squeeze the rabbit over the bowl.

[Apache Raccoon]

Which part of the American continent is inhabited entirely by anacondas, cobras, pythons, mambas and vipers?

 The United Snakes of America

[Firefly 35]

A few weeks ago, Boeing was tasked with designing the new Air Force One airplane.  When they showed the airplane they built, the president noticed that it had a very large wing on the right side of the aircraft and no wings on the left side.  He asked why that is.  The Boeing official said "Well, I though you said the government is controlled by the right wing now."  The president said "You know what I mean.  This isn't what I ordered and I want my money back."  The boeing offical said "Well, you'll have to work that out with your guy in Russia, because he's the one who paid for it!"

[id0ntknow]

4 hours ago, Alvin Seville said:

Which part of the American continent is inhabited entirely by anacondas, cobras, pythons, mambas and vipers?

 The United Snakes of America

If I'm a snake, I better get a heat lamp soon. Winter is coming.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

11 hours ago, Alvin Seville said:

Which part of the American continent is inhabited entirely by anacondas, cobras, pythons, mambas and vipers?

 The United Snakes of America

Do not forget the AB's: rattle snakes

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Is the Music Producers Club the place where DD sends the "band members"?

[Firefly 35]

7 hours ago, Little Christine said:

Is the Music Producers Club the place where DD sends the "band members"?

Only if they play in a "minor" key.

[cute little kokiri girl]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

[rusty pins]

Swimming trunks?  Baby elephants would maybe be swim diapers?

[BabyJune]

On that subject: How do you make an elephant fly? Start with a four-foot zipper.

[cute little kokiri girl]

4 hours ago, rusty pins said:

Swimming trunks?  Baby elephants would maybe be swim diapers?

yes it is.

[Wannatripbaby]

When birds get angry at other birds...

Do they give each other The Human?

[Firefly 35]

3 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

When birds get angry at other birds...

Do they give each other The Human?

Or they hold a catapult dual in angry birds!

[LilMissPumpkin]

My current favorite: 

Why do Norwegians have bar codes on the sides of their ships? 

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.

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So they can Scandanavian 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

On 12/8/2017 at 1:31 PM, Wannatripbaby said:

When birds get angry at other birds...

Do they give each other The Human?

Either that or give them the pecker

[Firefly 35]

For any chemistry nerds:

A scientist asked his assistant "Do we have any alkali metals on hand?"

Her assistant responded "Na"

The scientist said "When the next shipment of them come in, please let me know"

The assistant said "K"

The scientist said "And by the way, how's your experiment going?"

The assistant said "Do you want an honest answer or do want a Li?"