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Bad Jokes

360 posts in this topic

20 hours ago, Alvin Spacemunk said:

A Pepsi was arrested for a crime, but why was the Cola arrested to?

Because it was a coke conspirator

AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! Now THAT is a 50 megaton, death-dealing stinkeroo!!1

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Insurance companies are like the mafia: "Nice life, be a shame if something happened to it"

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This year for Halloween I wanted to round up 2 buddies and go hang out at the bar, each of us dressed as a priest, rabbi, and monk. I thought that would have been funny.

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Would another name for ther Ignore List be the "troll booth"?

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What implement would you use to punish a canine being naughty in the swimming pool with?

A doggy paddle

 

(EDIT: by the way I meant to say "pool" not "poo")

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How do you get rid of fleas on a dog?  With a buggy whip!

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Have you ever wondered what the voice of a talking dog would sound like? Well I got talking to one from Siberia, it was husky.

 

Did you know I have an underground bunker? I was there recently and I tried to install Microsoft Edge on it, but it wasn’t compatible because it didn’t have Windows installed.

 

My dog, my hamster and even my goldfish had the guts to play knock-a-door run on the man across the street. But my cat wouldn’t because it’s a pussy.

 

I was on vacation recently in Prague, it’s a beautiful city and I’d recommend you go yourselves and Czech it out.

 

My Morris car works down the coal pit, it’s a Minor.

 

The Purple Rain album would be a good basis for an AB diaper, has Prince on it.

 

Mrs E never did find out what happened to her husband, it’s was a Mr E.

 

The lady working on the drains left the man hole cover open so I fell down it, I’m going to sewer.

 

At the club One, Two Three and Five usually sit out when the DJ plays House music, but you can always expect Four on the floor.

 

What do you call a cymbal that’s smoked loads of weed? A Hi-Hat

 

Did you hear, you can now get the Dodge Challenger with an electric engine? It’s not bad but you have to pay extra for the Dodge Charger.

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Why didn’t the M4 diaper want to go to Spain on vacation again?

Because it had already Abena there before.

What do you call an album made by those into spanking?

The Greatest Hits

What do you get if you combine Belgian chocolate with a smart phone?

A Samsung Galaxy

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"You the bomb"

"no You the bomb"

A complement in America, an argument in the middle east.

why dose a blonde were underwear.... to keep her ankles warm

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Jealous! We are actually the gold standard

This could either be a hairist slur against persons of gold or since it is in the feminine, sexual hair-assment

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TEDDY-BEAR jokes, inspired by my old GPK cards...  What do you call a bear who's guilty?  Convic-Ted.  a homeless bear?  Evic-Ted.  an angry bear?  Frustra-Ted.  when he's been calmed down?  Placa-Ted.  a bear in someone's collection?  Accumula-Ted.  a bear soaked in the rain?  Hydra-Ted.  a bear who's been freed?  Libera-Ted.  an accomplished bear?  Congratula-Ted.  a famous bear?  Celebra-Ted.  a sacred or Holy bear?  Venera-Ted.  

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15 hours ago, PetahPetah said:

TEDDY-BEAR jokes, inspired by my old GPK cards...  What do you call a bear who's guilty?  Convic-Ted.  a homeless bear?  Evic-Ted.  an angry bear?  Frustra-Ted.  when he's been calmed down?  Placa-Ted.  a bear in someone's collection?  Accumula-Ted.  a bear soaked in the rain?  Hydra-Ted.  a bear who's been freed?  Libera-Ted.  an accomplished bear?  Congratula-Ted.  a famous bear?  Celebra-Ted.  a sacred or Holy bear?  Venera-Ted.  

A bear who moved away from you: FAR-ted.

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Hates online comment threads: DISCUS-ted.

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Famous Base Ball Furry - Yogi Bear!

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I just finished readin THE HISTOYRY OF WATERPROOF UNDERGARMENTS by I. M. N. Rubbapantz

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I read the book, "Rushing To The Bathroom" by Willie Makeit and illustrated by Betty Wont.  And another one, "Soaked Diapers" by I. P. Freely

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THE REVENGE OF THE TIGER by Claude Bauls

THE BEAN DIET by C. Howie Phartz

THE WORST JOKES ON DD By Terry Bull

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I Fell Off The Balcony by Eilean Dover

The Gay Irishmen by Ben Dover and Phil McCrevase

Under The Bleachers by Syemore Butts 

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What kind of diapers do Panda's wear?  Bamboo-no's!

 

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Don't laugh. There's a kind of cloth that is used for diapers called "bamboo"

Why don't zombies wear diapers?

Because they are the Walking Dead. Not the WADDLING Dead

 

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"rusty bed springs, by I p freely

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On 2/25/2017 at 2:19 AM, froggy said:

"rusty bed springs, by I p freely

What happens to Froggys car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away :D

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?

It's ok he woke up

Why did the drinks can crusher quit it's job?

Because it was soda pressing

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time

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On 2/19/2017 at 0:26 PM, rusty pins said:

I read the book, "Rushing To The Bathroom" by Willie Makeit and illustrated by Betty Wont. 

Epilogue by Andy Diddnt.

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(Came up with a joke about diaper lovers)

MOOD SCALE FOR DIAPER LOVERS

Lots of diapers= Happy DL

Ran out of diapers= Sad DL

Your favorite diaper goes out of production= Blur-DL

LOL

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16 hours ago, Alvin Spacemunk said:

(Came up with a joke about diaper lovers)

MOOD SCALE FOR DIAPER LOVERS

Lots of diapers= Happy DL

Ran out of diapers= Sad DL

Your favorite diaper goes out of production= Blur-DL

LOL

Depends Diapers=Wet Jeans DL

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