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And a guy with no arms or legs on your front porch is Matt.  A guy with no arms and legs on a farm is Barney.  A guy with no arms, legs or head is Chester.  A woman with one leg in England is Eileen Dover.  A woman with no arms or legs on the beach is Sandy.

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I saw one of those no arms and legs guys in the water, I said "Hi Bob"

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I am easy to win over. If you give me a tiara, it goes right to my head

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I used to work grinding pepper. the money I got for that was nothing to sneeze at

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I crowwed the Patriots and --

Star Trek: Got Bob ShuttleKraft

My rippde-off jokes: Got Robbed Groankowski

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Well at least the Rams fans did not give us any Goff. I am a bit jealous, though, they are so Gurly

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  • 1 month later...

What’s a hen’s favorite video games console?

An eggs box

 

Did you hear about the box office results from the movie about explosions?

It’s totally bombed

 

What’s the preferred method of demolishing a building according to a T-Rex?

Dino-Mite

 

What’s a herbivores favorite part of a window?

The Grazing

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here's another one that I think you folks might enjoy, since its now around Easter time.

THE EASTER BUNNY’S DILEMMA

Recently a young man was driving down the street when a rabbit jumped out in front of his car.  Being an animal lover, the man tried desperately to stop.  However he couldn’t avoid the bunny and he heard the agonizing “thud” come from under the car.  When he got out, he saw the bunny laying motionless on the road.  Colored eggs and jelly beans were strewn all over the road.  He wept bitterly as he thought of the thousands of children that would be deprived of surprises on Easter morning.

A young woman, who was driving in the opposite direction, spotted him and stopped to help. She said that she might have something in her car that would help. She went to her car and got a spray can of something and began to spray the entire contents of the can on the motionless bunny.  The bunny twitched and quivered a little, then eventually stood on all fours. The bunny took a few steps, turned toward the man and the woman and waved at them.  The bunny took a few more steps, turned toward them and waved at them again.  The bunny kept doing this until he was out of sight.

The man was simply dumbfounded!!  He picked up the spray can to read the label.  The label said: “This product will restore life to dead hair (hare?).  This product also guaranteed to produce permanent wave”.  Its a miracle what a can of hair spray can do.

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A father on a rural farm walked out behind his barn to see his 19 year old son wanking himself off.

"What the hell are you doing?  You need to stop doing that and go out and get yourself a woman!"

Well, Junior did go out and got himself a fine looking woman and pretty soon they got married.  A week later his father caught him wanking off behind the barn again.

"What the hell is the matter with you boy!  I told you to get yourself a woman and Daisy Mae is a fine woman!"

"Yeah daddy", Junior replied, "But her arm gets tired!"

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