rusty pins Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 A guy is getting ready to have sex with his girlfriend for the first time and they are undressing in the bedroom. The guy takes off his socks, his girl looks at his feet and says, "What happened to you?" He replies, "Nothing. Just a case of Toelio. I was never vaccinated for it as a child". He then takes off his pants and his girl looks at him again and says, "What the hell is that?" He says, "Nothing. Just a case of kneesils". When he takes off his underpants his girl looks and says, "Don't tell me. Small Cocks, right?" Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Make sure to keep your English binder closed - you might let in a draft. 1 Link to comment
Mars.inDiapers Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 Some dude just offered he'd buy me a new iPhone Xs for having sex with him. What the hell does he think, that I'm some kind of a whore? Sent from my iPhone Xs via Tapatalk. 1 Link to comment
Apache Raccoon Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 Why shouldn’t you have un-protected sex with someone who has a fast, 4-wheel drive Subaru saloon? Because they might have an STI Link to comment
rusty pins Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Three couples wanted to join an ultra conservative church, an elderly couple, a middle age couple and a young couple. Before joining the had to have a discussion with the minister. "In order to show your faith, before joining our church you have to abstain from having sex for one full month. After that, we will meet again" One month later all three couples meet again with their pastor. The elderly couple started off the discussion. "At our age it wasn't any big deal to abstain from sex" to which the pastor replied, "Welcome to the church!" The next couple, the middle age ones said, "Well, it was hard, pretty hard but we made it the whole month without having sex", to which the pastor again said, "Welcome to our church". The third couple, the young ones said, "Well, it was very hard, very hard. We were doing so well for the first two weeks but one day my wife was bending over the freezer getting a frozen roast out when I just couldn't contain myself", the husband said. "I grabbed her, ripped her clothes off and we made love right then and there on the floor". "I'm sorry", the pastor said. "We won't allow you in our church". "That's OK', the husband said. "They won't allow us in WalMart anymore either". Link to comment
tinkersmell Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 The tennis club in my neighbourhood got shut down for racqueteering... 2 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 What was the net result, and whose fault was it? 1 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Let it be -- this serves nothing, love. 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 How did it turn out in court? Link to comment
Mars.inDiapers Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 This set of backhanded puns is really pushing me to a breaking point. 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I am OUTTA here: I'm gonna go watch THE B LOB Link to comment
DprDJeff Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 I watched a program about beavers today. It was the best dam show I've ever seen. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 A show you could really sink your teeth into! Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 "I'll run out and buy one" said Tom, swiftly Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 If you keep the sync feature on your phone turned on, does that mean it won't float? 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Only if it is sub standard 1 Link to comment
Apache Raccoon Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 A grizzly bear walked into a bar and says to the barman "I'd like a rum and...........coke please". The barman says "Ok, but what's with the big pause?" to which the bear replied "I dunno I guess I was just born with them" Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 I decided to start eating more foods with fresh herbs. Only problem is it is quite thyme consuming. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Did Herb mind your company at dinner? if he did, that explains why he got fresh Link to comment
rusty pins Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Two hunters were driving along the road early morning on their way to their hunting spot. Suddenly there was a road sign that said, "Bear Left" so they turned around and went home. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Saw that one on the TV show about a backwoods nuclear physicist back in the '70's: GRIZZLY ATOMS Link to comment
BabyJune Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 This one was recently in my Facebook feed: A man and a woman are sitting at a restaurant table. He says, "I'm a politician and I'm honest." The woman says, "And I'm a prostitute and a virgin." Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Trumps anything I've seen Link to comment
rusty pins Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 A woman sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer please." "Anheuser Busch?" he asks. "Fine, and how's your dick?" Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 That takes the Blue Ribbon Link to comment
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